BUTTHEAD McBoil
“Hello,” said the uneasy-sounding voice on the end of the phone. I answered with an air of anticipation—not just any anticipation, but the he’s-gonna-pull-out kind.
“Maaaaate …” he said. “I’ve had some dramas on my last trip. Got a belly bug—been on the can for so long I might have given myself a haemorrhoid.”
How do you answer that?
Before I can comment, he adds, “I’m heading to the hospital now man. The doc told me it’s not a haemorrhoid. It’s a perianal abscess and it needs to be lanced.”
I’m sure at this stage you’ve worked out exactly where this growth has born its ugly head. Yep, where the sun doesn’t shine and hopefully never will. “So,” I double-check, “a boil on your butt?”
“Pretty much,” he said, “and the doc told me to get it lanced, but I’m not sure what to do. He gave me antibiotics. I’m hoping it clears up. If it doesn’t go down—if it won’t go down—it definitely needs to be lanced.”
I asked him if he needed to pull out of the trip.
After some “umming” and “ahhing”,
