30 Days to the Same Old Me


My meditation coach listens carefully to my description of my personality: “I’m really attached to outcomes. I am goal oriented. I have a lifelong desire to measure and to be measured,” I say. He nods. Smiles. Says: “This is going to be hard for you.”

He chuckles, and I chuckle too, because that’s what I’m here for, right? Ha ha! But also, seriously now, I say, “How will I know if I’m doing it right?” He says, “You’ll just know.”

I’m here because I’ve agreed to take on a 30-day commitment to practice meditation and write about it. And I’ve agreed to it because meditation is something I’ve been meaning to incorporate into my life for some time. I am, in addition to being goal-oriented, also quite anxious, about everything. I spend more time than I’d like on social media, mindlessly scrolling, and yet I yearn for a deeper connection to—something. Mindfulness, I guess. I once tearfully told my husband that there was something he should know about me. “I will always,” I sobbed, “be thinking about what we have to do tomorrow!” Living in the moment is not something I have a lot of experience with, and I’d like to change that. So, with my coach Joe Litven’s help, I am going to pursue a practice of sitting for 15 minutes in the morning, and 5 in the evening, every day for the next 30 days. Joe tells me, “There’s nothing magical or correct about 15 minutes and 5. In the course of our conversation it just came up and I used my intuition to suggest it, given your experience, interests, etcetera.”

Living in the moment is not something I

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