TIME

How the virus attacks traditional TV

ON A RECENT EVENING, OUT OF A COMBINATION of professional obligation and morbid curiosity, I sat down on my couch and turned on my TV to watch celebrities … sit on their own couches to watch TV. That is literally all that happens on Celebrity Watch Party, which now occupies a full hour of Fox’s Thursday lineup. Famous faces including the Osbournes, Tyra Banks and Rob Lowe stare into their screens—and out at viewers who get to observe them cooing over, say, an elephant doc narrated by Meghan Markle. Just like us!

As reality TV goes, is gentle enough. It doesn’t traffic in public humiliation like or inspire virulent misanthropy like Yet it manages to offend through sheer dullness. The highlight of the premiere comes when a listless Ozzy observes the unmasking and slurs, “Who the f-ck was that?” Shot remotely and infused with the half-glib, half-naive “We’re all in this together, never mind that I’m quarantining in a mansion with live-in staff” spirit that has pervaded celebrity-driven entertainment since March, may be TV’s most pathetic response yet to the COVID-19 crisis.

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