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    The Everything Box: A Novel
    The Everything Box: A Novel
    The Everything Box: A Novel
    Audiobook11 hours

    The Everything Box: A Novel

    Written by Richard Kadrey

    Narrated by Oliver Wyman

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    About this audiobook

    Reminiscent of the edgy, offbeat humor of Chris Moore and Matt Ruff, the first entry in a whimsical, fast-paced supernatural series from the New York Times bestselling author of the Sandman Slim novels—a dark and humorous story involving a doomsday gizmo, a horde of baddies determined to possess its power, and a clever thief who must steal it back . . . again and again.

    22000 B.C. A beautiful, ambitious angel stands on a mountaintop, surveying the world and its little inhabitants below. He smiles because soon, the last of humanity who survived the great flood will meet its end, too. And he should know. He’s going to play a big part in it. Our angel usually doesn’t get to do field work, and if he does well, he’s certain he’ll get a big promotion.

    And now it’s time . . . .

    The angel reaches into his pocket for the instrument of humanity’s doom. Must be in the other pocket. Then he frantically begins to pat himself down. Dejected, he realizes he has lost the object. Looking over the Earth at all that could have been, the majestic angel utters a single word.

    “Crap.”

    2015. A thief named Coop—a specialist in purloining magic objects—steals and delivers a small box to the mysterious client who engaged his services. Coop doesn’t know that his latest job could be the end of him—and the rest of the world. Suddenly he finds himself in the company of The Department of Peculiar Science, a fearsome enforcement agency that polices the odd and strange. The box isn’t just a supernatural heirloom with quaint powers, they tell him.

    It’s a doomsday device. They think . . .

    And suddenly, everyone is out to get it.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherHarperAudio
    Release dateApr 19, 2016
    ISBN9780062456946
    Author

    Richard Kadrey

    Richard Kadrey is the New York Times bestselling author of the Sandman Slim supernatural noir books. Sandman Slim was included in Amazon’s “100 Science Fiction & Fantasy Books to Read in a Lifetime,” and is in development as a feature film. Some of his other books include The Wrong Dead Guy, The Everything Box, Metrophage, and Butcher Bird. He also writes the Vertigo comic Lucifer.

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    Reviews for The Everything Box

    4/5

    181 ratings16 reviews

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    • 5/5
      Fun and funny. Nice supernatural heist book. Really enjoyed it. Good times!
    • 4/5
      It opens like all such books with a magically good thief. But it's as good as the better ones of that genre.
    • 4/5
      Quite Good. Had a Good Omens quality to it. Narrator was good but I think there were places he could have increased his pacing to add more excitement.
    • 5/5
      Gory but hilarious.
    • 4/5
      If you'd read any other Kadrey books this certainly fits nicely within his body of work. And if you don't appreciate any of his other works, you won't like this one either. This is funnier than his other works, however. And if you do even sort of like Kadrey's books. you'll really like this one.
    • 4/5
      In the category of "summer reads"/"beach reads" this is a full 4 stars, though maybe fewer during the rest of the year. Luckily, it's still summer in LA.
    • 3/5
      Disappointing.. not nearly as good as the Sandman Slim series. Still a good read.. but in comparison, it fell a bit short.
    • 4/5
      Qaphsiel, God's angel of heavenly office supplies, has been sent to Earth after the great flood to purge the bits of remaining humanity. He has been entrusted with the Everything Box, a device that when opened will unleash the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. However, when Qaphsiel reaches into his robe's pocket, he discovers that it is missing. This incompetence gets him barred from heaven until he can recover the box, which he has failed to do for the last four thousand years.While the angel continues in present day to find the box; Coop, a thief skilled in the theft of magical objects, has been hired to skill the box, which will be sold to the highest bidder. This task will be difficult since several groups hope to thwart his plans by stealing it first, including the Department of Peculiar Science, a covert governmental agency; and two paranormal creature-worshiping cults hoping to initiate the apocalypses in the name of their respective deities. If you are a fan of Christopher Moore's novel, this novel is a must read for you. It's farcical plot had me chuckling from cover to cover.
    • 5/5
      This was a very enjoyable read. Anyone who is into Terry Pratchett will definitely enjoy the humor and ridiculousness of the story plot. I am looking forward to the next Coop adventure called "The Wrong Dead Guy".
    • 4/5
      Thousands of years ago, God decided to destroy the Earth and all who resided on it. Fortunately, us pesky mortals are pretty good survivalists and we didn’t all perish as was intended. This time, God sends an angel named Qaphsiel to Earth with a special box that would take the rest of us out for good. Except all didn’t go as planned. Qaphsiel lost the box.“So, you’re the angel of Death?” The angel shook his head, a little embarrassed. “I don’t have that honor. In Heaven, I’m the celestial who bears the great golden quills, the silver Chroma, the holy vellums upon which the Lord God inscribes the fate of the universe.” Tiras’s eyes narrowed. “You’re in charge of office supplies. You’re the angel of office supplies.”Thousands of years after the box was lost, we’re introduced to Coop. Coop has had it a bit rough lately. He’s a thief who was hired to steal some documents because his natural aversion to magical booby traps made him the perfect man for the job… but things didn’t turn out so well and he was soon thrown in prison for an undetermined amount of time. An old friend pulled some strings to get him out but only because a man by the name of Mr. Babylon requires Coop for a job. A job to steal a mysterious box. But once he does steal it, he’s instructed to steal it back for a secret government group that goes by the name of the Department of Peculiar Science, or else it’s straight back to prison. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200. Problem is, there are two doomsday cults trying to get the box so they can trigger the apocalypse, criminals who want to sell the box for money, a mysterious stranger that only brings destruction, and the original angel that misplaced the box in the first place trying to get it. Coop wants nothing to do with it but he’s soon embroiled in a world-ending conflict.“I’m not sure I should smile at people anymore.”“Yours is a little strained these days,” said Morty.Sally came up with a drink in each hand. “Definitely don’t smile at people. You do look like you wonder what their liver tastes like.”The pending apocalypse has never been more fun. Kadrey brings a bizarre sense of humor (and magic) to the end of the world and Coop is the hilariously witty spokesperson. The focus is less on worldbuilding and more on extending the hilarity for as long as possible (and sometimes beyond) but I can’t complain because this story made me laugh far more than I expected it to. The multiple storylines were handled well without getting too convoluted but again, the focus was on the humor at all times and the bit players were, for the most part, a ludicrous bunch and it wasn’t vital to keep a close track on exactly who was who. The Everything Box is a refreshing variation on the Urban Fantasy genre that feels much like a Men in Black/The Italian Job mashup in all the best ways.
    • 4/5
      This is good fun fluff. There's nothing terribly profound or new, but it also manages to avoid being trite and is good escapism.I listened to the audiobook, read by Oliver Wyman who is one of my favorite narrators - I probably would have enjoyed the book less if someone else had read it.
    • 4/5
      A few thousand years ago, God decided that humanity needed another purging à la The Flood. The angel tasked with doing it accidentally lost the angelic device that would accomplish this. Fast forward to now when, of course, a bunch of doomsday cults think acquiring this would be a really good idea. Madness ensues.It's typical Kadrey: humorous, snide, fast-paced...total reading carbs. I enjoyed it.
    • 4/5
      Finally, a funny book to break the streak of downers I've been reading!

      It's really cinematic, and it follows a few sets of a characters as they all try to steal the same thing from each other.
    • 5/5
      Review copy"Earth. Four thousand years ago. Give or take." When this is the opening line in your new novel, it better be epic. The verdict? Richard Kadrey delivers again.It's just after the great flood and the angel Qaphsiel is sent by God to finish off mankind, but he misplaces the Instrument of Destruction. Fast-forward to the present day where a number of individuals and groups are closing in on The Everything Box. Of course the usual Kadrey wit abounds. It's a story filled with magic, where literally anything is possible. "'You know, the the last few days, I've taken orders from a dead man, hung out with poltergeists, vampires, werewolves, people with tentacles, people with gills, and seen the inside of a turd submarine.'"The end of the story reminded me of the madcap cross-country rush to find treasure in the Stanley Kramer classic, It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World.If snark is your thing, or if you're just in the mood for a bit of brain candy, you'll love The Everything Box.Published by Harper Voyager, The Everything Box is available as an e-book, hardcover, paperback and a variety of audio formats.Richard Kadrey is a New York Times Bestselling Author best known for his Sandman Slim novels and my personal favorite Butcher Bird. His work has been nominated for a British Science Fiction Award and for the Prix Elbakin in France.
    • 5/5
      Human beings had turned out to be a bit of a disappointment to heaven so 4000 years ago, Qaphsiel, the angel normally in charge of heavenly office supplies, was sent to finish off the human race. It should have been an easy assignment since a flood had already done most of the work for him. Unfortunately, he lost the box that would accomplish the task. Fast forward to modern day Los Angeles. Charlie ‘Coop’ Cooper is just out of jail when he is hired by Mr. Babylon to steal the box from a well-guarded vault. Not only is Coop a very good thief, he is immune to magical traps so this should be a piece of cake for him and his crew. But Babylon is not the only one looking for the box. Qaphsiel is also on the trail because, until he completes his task, he can’t return to heaven; a couple of destroyer god cults want the box so they can be the first to bring about the apocalypse and prove their god loves them best; the Department of Peculiar Occurrences (DOPS) has their own plans for it; and there’s a mysterious Stranger headed their way although he takes the occasional side trip to do some sightseeing and complete a few renovations to the landscape on the way. Suddenly what had seemed like a simple heist has become a veritable sh*tstorm for Coop.The Everything Box by author Richard Kadrey is something of a departure from his Sandman Slim series. It has the same urban fantasy/noir feel with the added bonus of a comedy crime caper but it is a lot lighter in tone. Just as the titular box seems to be everything to everyone who wants it, the story has a bit of everything to keep the reader wanting more: Girl Scout vampires, werewolves, mobsters, magical traps, angels, demons, doomsday cults, witty dialogue, quirky characters, and Fluffy. Add to this, laugh-out-loud humour and you have one heck of an exciting and entertaining read. The novel works well as a stand-alone with all of the major plot lines tied up nicely at the end but here’s hoping this is just the first of a series because I for one didn’t get nearly enough of Coop and company.4.5With thanks to Harper Voyager and Edelweiss for the opportunity to read this book in exchange for an honest review
    • 5/5
      I am a huge Sandman Slim fan so anything new by Richard Kadrey is an automatic read for me. This one didn't disappoint. Lighter in tone than Sandman with more humor. Twisted humor. So much humor. I loved Coop and the rest of the cast and can't wait for the next visit with this madcap crew!