Marriage and Family in the Bible

Marriage and Family in the Bible

(A manual written primarily for men)

Smashwords Edition 2012

Copyright (c) 2012 Stephen H Hedges

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means – electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any other (except for brief quotations in printed reviews), without the written permission of the author.

Requests for information should be address to:

Stephen H Hedges

s h h e d g e s @ h o t m a i l . c o m (remove the spaces when using this address)

Cover Design:

Deborah E. Crittenden

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ISBN 978-954-9941-57-9

Unless otherwise noted all Scripture quotations are from the following sources:

Hebrew Text:

The Twenty-Four Holy Books a (original title in Hebrew)

Published by

The Society for the Publication of the Hebrew Scriptures

1 Rectory Lane, Edgware, Middlesex, HA8 7LF, England, UK

Greek Old Testament Text:

Η ΠΑΛΑΙΑ ΔΙΑΘΗΚΗ

ΚΑΤΑ ΤΟΥΞ Ο

ΕΠΙΞΤΗΜΟΝΙΚΗΕΠΙΜΕΛΕΙΑ

(Septuaginta)

ΕΡΙΧΤΗΜΟΝΙΚΗ ΕΡΙΜΕΛΕΙΑ

Prof. D. Dr. Alfred Rahls

BIBLIKH ETAIRIA

ODOX NIKODHMOU 3

AQHNAI

(c) 1935, 1979 Deutsche Bibelgesellschaft Stuttgart

ISBN 3-438051214

New Testament text:

The New Greek-English Interlinear New Testament

Copyright (c) 1990

Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.

Wheaton, Illinois

Greek New Testament

Fourth Corrected Edition

Copyright (c) 1966, 1968, 1975, 1983, 1993

The United Bible Societies

ISBN 0-8423-1213-7

Table of Contents

Introduction

Chapter One: The Purpose of Marriage

Marriage is Honourable

Marriage Represents G-d’s Love

Marriage Produces Holiness

Marriage Brings Blessings

Conclusion

Chapter Two: The Seven Types of Marriage

Introduction

Type One: Soul Mates

Type Two: Childhood Friends or the Girl Next Door

Type Three: Arranged Marriages

Type Four: The Marriage of Deceit

Type Five: Love at First Sight

Type Six: The Interracial Marriage

Type Seven: Marriage from Lust

Review of the Seven Types of Marriage

Chapter Three: The Origin of Family

Biblical Definitions

The Origin of all Families

The Importance of Fatherhood

Review

Chapter Four: Fatherhood

The Fatherhood of G-d

Natural Human Fatherhood

The Responsibility of a Father

A. The Father as Priest in His Home

B. The Father as Prophet in His Home

C. The Father as King in His Home

Spiritual Fatherhood

A. Spiritual Fatherhood Based on Authority

B. Fatherhood as a Form of Apprenticeship

C. Fatherhood and the Generation of Faith

Fatherhood as a Means of Developing Leaders

A. The Initiative Must be From the Holy Spirit

B. Timothy Learns to be Like Paul

C. Timothy Becomes Paul’s Representative

D. Timothy Graduates From Apprentice to Master Craftsman

E. The Requirements of Spiritual Fatherhood

What Makes a Man a Spiritual Father?

A. The Father is the Life-source of the Family

B. The Father Imparts His Nature

C. Knowing the Eternal Nature of the Heavenly Father

D. Death to Self-will

Review

Chapter Five: The Rights and Role of the Wife

The Bride as a Gift from G-d

The Wife as Queen and Rest

The Virtuous Woman

The Wife as a Property Holder

Binah (Intuition and Intellect)

The Dowry

The Four Women of the Book of Proverbs

Review

Chapter Six: The Requirements of Marriage

Covenant

Serving

Sexual Intimacy

Love

Honouring the Weaker Vessel

Forgiveness

Review

Chapter Seven: Divorce and Re-Marriage

The Only Grounds for Divorce

The Definition of Pornea

Re-marriage to One’s First Spouse

G-d’s Covenant Cannot be Broken by a Secular Court of Law

Review

Chapter Eight: Conclusion

Bibliography

Other Titles by Stephen H Hedges

Footnotes

Endnotes (for Hebrew Text)

Introduction:

Most cultures hold to a tradition of marriage. In some cultures the marriages are arranged for children by their parents, while in other cultures marriages are the product of lust. Marriage is strongly held to be an honourable institution in most societies.

Mankind seems to have a basic need to love and to be loved and most people desire to find that special person whom they can love and who will love them unconditionally. They dream of meeting that person, marrying them and spending the rest of their lives in a comfortable state of love. Unfortunately statistics show that most people never achieve this dream.

We may know and respect couples who have happy, enduring marriages and wish we could achieve the same state, but the sad truth is that for most people it is just a wish that will never come true.

In reality there is a two-fold problem: on the one hand, the entertainment industry has introduced unrealistic ideas about the nature of love and marriage; secondly most people have no idea how to define love.

The characters in the romantic stories we see on the television or in movies are often portrayed by actors and actresses whose off-screen lives are in a fantasy world that is devoid of all truth. Actors and actresses seem to have the shortest and most miserable marriages. Therefore they are the worst possible role models to look to for finding love and a happy marriage.

It is impossible to address every aspect of a subject in one book, so I have written this book primarily for men. It is the man who usually creates the major problems in most marriages, so informing men and changing their attitudes can have a major impact on the general state of marriage.

It is possible to have a happy and fulfilling marriage where love lives and grows, but achieving this goal requires an understanding of what love is and how love grows.

My primary purpose in this book is to define marriage and to show you how to find and live happily with the right spouse. This involves showing you the purpose for marriage, the requirements of love, and the means of achieving love. The Bible will be our source of information for how to marry and to stay happily married.

Notes:

Throughout this book the term Hebrew Scriptures is used to replace the Christian term Old Testament. The most correct name for the Hebrew Scriptures is the TaNaK, ¹ but very few Christians are familiar with this word (however, in some footnotes the word TaNaK is used). In deference to my Jewish roots, the Name of the Holy One is written as G-d. ² The word ADONAI is used to indicate the Four Letter Name in a Scripture text. The word LORD is used in non-Scripture texts to indicate the Four Letter Name. It is common among some people to try to pronounce the Four Letter Name as YHVH (usually sounded as Jehovah or Yahveh). But since we do not know the correct pronunciation of the name, it is preferable to use ADONAI. It is never a compliment to someone if you mispronounce their name, but it is always acceptable to call them by a formal title.

The book that is commonly called James in the English Bibles is called by its correct name, which is Jacob.

The translations of the Hebrew and Greek texts into English are mine and should not be considered to be the best translations. I try to be faithful to the original text, and to give as literal a translation as is possible, but sometimes this leaves the English translation barely readable. When words in the translation of Biblical texts are strung together (by the use of a hyphen) this indicates that these words are translating a single word in the original text.

I use the standard Masoretic text for the Hebrew Scriptures, referencing both the Leningrad Codex and Biblia Hebraica Stuttgartensia, and also noting the ketib (written) versus qere (spoken) forms of certain words. Wherever the Dead Sea Scrolls differ from the Masoretic text I try to determine why they are different and base my translation on the best solution to the differences.

Concerning the Greek New Testament text things are much more complex than they are for the Hebrew Scriptures. There are some 40,000 known variations to the Greek New Testament. I always consult the Nestle-Aland 26th Edition and also all the New Testament papyri up to P104 (based on the printed text in The Complete Text of the Earliest New Testament Manuscripts by Comfort and Barrett).

All Scripture quotations are written in Times New Roman italics. Any quotation from the Hebrew Scriptures that appears in the text of a New Testament passage will appear as Ezra italics. Any words that appear within the text in non-italic form and a smaller font are words that have been added to clarify the text (but are not in the original Hebrew or Greek text).

In many places in the Hebrew Scriptures the chapter and verse numbers in the TaNaK are different from those in the Christian Bibles. Likewise Christian Bibles that are printed in the West tend to use the Roman Catholic chapter and verse numberings, but Christian Bibles printed in Eastern Europe tend to use the Orthodox Christian chapter and verse numbering system (which is based on the Septuagint). Whenever these systems disagree with each other, I have used the Hebrew system in the Hebrew Scriptures and noted the Catholic and Orthodox numberings in the footnotes.

Since all the writers of the New Testament were Jews, they generally used Greek words within the frame of reference of the Septuagint, which was the standard Greek translation of the Hebrew Scriptures, produced about three centuries before the New Testament was written. The Jews who wrote the New Testament were not schooled in the Greek classics, so they were not familiar with classical Greek definitions of words. Therefore all rare words in the New Testament are interpreted based on how they are used in the LXX (the Septuagint) and what Hebrew word or words the LXX is translating.

Because many e-book readers do not support Hebrew script I have moved all Hebrew script that was originally in the manuscript to the Endnotes. E-readers that do not support Hebrew script will replace the Hebrew letters with a serives of question marks. If you have an e-reader that does support Hebrew font you can click on the superscript letter (they look like this a) following certain words in the text and it will take you to the appropriate Hebrew word in the Endnotes. If you have a reader that does not support Hebrew font then just ignore all the superscript letters. In many of the footnotes there are Hebrew words, if your e-reader does not support Hebrew script these words will appear as a series of question marks. Some e-readers that support Hebrew fonts do not support right to left script, if you have one of these types of e-readers the Hebrew words will read backwards (left to right).

Chapter 1 - The Purpose of Marriage

Marriage is Honourable

Heb. 13.4 Marriage ³ is honourable in all and the bed is undefiled. ⁴ But the sexually immoral and adulterers will be judged by G-d.

Marriage is honourable and in most societies the institution of marriage is honoured. Most people respect a couple who are happily married, especially if they have a long and happy marriage.

But what are the purposes of the Biblical marriage?

Some Bible teachers have advocated that the purpose of marriage is to fulfil the Biblical command to be fruitful and multiply. ⁵ But if the primary purpose of marriage is to produce children then a marriage that does not produce children would be contrary to the will of G-d, and the inability to produce children would have to be grounds for divorce. ⁶ However we clearly see in Scripture that long after Sarah ceased to be able to bear children ⁷ Abram and Sarah remained married. Secondly, women can produce children without being married. The Bible does not say marriage is honourable if it produces children. It says marriage is honourable.

Some people teach that marriage exists because the Bible says two are better than one. ⁸ However that Biblical statement is made primarily in reference to work, not marriage. There can be no doubt that the best working team is often a husband and wife, but there is no edict found in the Scriptures that a husband and wife should be fellow labourers in any work. Whereas a husband and wife might go out together as missionaries, we have to also see that, with the possible exception of Aquila and Priscilla, there is no Biblical example of a husband and wife working in ministry as co-labourers.

In the case of Aquila and Priscilla, it is generally taught that they were co-labourers in ministry, but Luke introduces us to Aquila (Acts 18.2) long before he mentions Priscilla. There is no direct evidence in the New Testament that this husband and wife were co-labourers in ministry.

However two men can go out as missionaries and be far more successful together than each man would be if he went out alone. We see that Paul and Barnabas went out together as missionaries and that Jesus sent His disciples out in pairs. So the verses in Ecclesiastes do not contain an edict concerning marriage, and in fact marriage may not even be in view at all in that passage.

Marriage is honourable in the sight of G-d and its purpose is very spiritual. Moses and the prophets clearly revealed the purpose of marriage; although in some parts of the Scriptures (even in the Torah) ⁹ we only find hints of that purpose. Without a study of what the Torah and Prophets say about marriage we will never understand G-d’s purpose and provision for marriage.

Marriage Represents G-d’s Love

Isa. 62.1–5

1 For Zion’s sake I will not be silent. And for Jerusalem’s account I will not be quiet. Until her righteousness comes forth in brightness and her salvation consumes as a torch.

2 And the nations see your righteousness and the kings your glory. And you are called by a new name that the mouth of ADONAI did specify.

3 And you shall be, a crown of beauty in the hand of ADONAI, and a royal turban in the hand of your G-d.

4 And no longer will it be said of you, Forsaken. And to your land it will no longer be said, Desolate. For you shall be called, Hefzibah. ¹⁰ And your land shall be called, Beulah. For ADONAI delights in you and your land He espouses.

5 For as a choice man espouses a virgin, your sons shall espouse you. And as the elation of a bridegroom over his bride, G-d shall elate over you.

In verse two the Lord promises to give Zion a new name, which He reveals in the latter part of verse four. Zion shall be called Hefzibah and her land shall be called Beulah. Hefzibah can be translated as She is My Desire or My Desire is Towards Her. Beulah means married. Here we have a clear picture of the desire of G-d to prepare a people for Himself as His bride. Isaiah identifies the nation of Israel as that bride.

Frequently in the Scriptures when the status of an individual changes (for whatever reason) G-d gives him or her a new name. When G-d made a covenant with Abram, He changed his name to Abraham. Another example is when G-d renewed His covenant relationship with Jacob; He changed his name to Israel. So in these verses in Isaiah G-d changes the name of the people of Israel to Hefzibah to indicate that He has taken them to Himself as an eternal bride.

Hosea 2.21–22 ¹¹

21 And I betroth you to Me forever.

And I betroth you to Me in righteousness, in judgement, in kindness and in compassions.

22 And I betroth you to Me in faithfulness.

And you will know ADONAI. ¹²

These two verses simply encompass one thought. ¹³ The LORD, speaking in the first person directly to Israel, His beloved bride, says that this marriage will be eternal. G-d repeats the phrase I betroth you to Me three times. This contrasts with the action which is used to legalise a divorce in Israel, where a man had to utter the phrase I divorce you three times. But by saying I betroth you to Me three times, G-d is guaranteeing to Israel that He will never divorce her.

When an Israelite man married, he was required to give his wife a gift at the wedding ceremony. ¹⁴ At His wedding to Israel G-d will give His bride a three-fold gift of righteousness, judgement and kindness, which will come through His great compassion for them.

As a result of her marriage to G-d and receiving His gifts, the bride (Israel) will come into an intimate knowledge of her Lord and G-d. She will no longer just know about Him, she will know Him in the same manner that she is known by Him. ¹⁵

Rev. 19.7–9

7 We may rejoice and exalt and glorify Him who came for the wedding of the Lamb, and the woman makes herself ready.

8 And to her was given that she may be clothed in clean resplendent cotton, for the cotton is the just-reward of the saints.

9 And he says to me, Write, ‘happy are those invited to the wedding dinner of the Lamb’. And he says to me, These are the true sayings of G-d.

The people of G-d are to become the bride of the Lamb. We are to prepare ourselves for the banquet where He will take us to Himself. We are being prepared for the most enduring marriage that will ever take place—a marriage that is literally made in Heaven. It will be the happiest and most perfect marriage.

So the great purpose of marriage here on earth is for us (G-d’s people) to demonstrate to the world, through our marriages, G-d’s great love for and desire to be with His people. By observing our marriages the world should come to understand the love (agape) of G-d. Our marriages should demonstrate the agape/love of G-d, but we need to spend less time talking about G-d’s love for mankind and more time demonstrating it.

Marriage Produces Holiness

Eph. 5.25–28

25 The husbands should agape-love their wives, just as the Christ agape-loves the assembly and gave-up Himself for her.

26 That He should make her holy, cleansing her by the washing in water through the declaration.

27 That He should present her to Himself the glorious assembly having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she may be holy and flawless.

28 So ought the men to love their women as their own bodies. He who loves his own woman - loves himself.

First of all I must point out that in the Bible agape-love is always described as something you do, not something that you feel. Love is an action, not an emotion. The Father showed His love for us by sacrificing His Son on the cross. As far as the Bible is concerned, love is a self-sacrificing action. Love places the needs of the other person above our own needs.

The reason that husbands must have a self-sacrificing love for their wives is to reflect the type of self-sacrificing love that the Father showed for the world and that Jesus demonstrated when He laid His life down for the church. In marriage it is the responsibility of the husband to be willing to lay down his life for his wife. It is not so much that Jesus is the model for the way a husband should treat his wife as it is that the husband is the imitation of Jesus. The home of the believer becomes a simulation of the future eternal marriage.

So when Paul instructs a man to love his wife, Paul is thinking about the actions of a man towards his wife. The proper actions of a man towards his wife must be based on the sacrifice of his will for her good.

Paul tells us that Christ does two things for the assembly in the process of making her into the bride. First, He makes her holy; second, He presents her as glorious, unspotted and unwrinkled, which Paul restates as Christ making her holy and flawless.

As she is set apart to G-d, holiness is imputed to the bride. Both of these statements are based in the Hebrew language and tradition. In Hebrew the word kadosh b means to make holy. But the word kadash c also means to be espoused to a wife. The two words are spelled exactly the same, only the context tells you which way to pronounce the word. So in Hebrew there is a direct relationship between holiness and marriage. In fact the Rabbis have often commented that a man cannot be considered holy until he has entered into an agreement to marry a woman.

So for the Jews there is a direct connection between the concepts that G-d is taking a bride for Himself and that He is making His people holy. It is required of a Jewish woman that immediately before her marriage she must immerse herself in the waters of the mikvah (baptism). During this process a declaration is made that cleanses the bride-to-be from any ritual impurity, ¹⁶ and at the moment of her immersion, the woman is cleansed. ¹⁷

In Hebrew the word holy (kadosh) d is used to describe the state of being separated from one situation, and to another situation. So when a man is espoused to a woman, he is separated from his previous lack of responsibility as an unmarried man and separated to the woman. In an espousal the man takes on all the responsibilities of being married without enjoying any of the privileges of that marriage. Likewise the woman is separated to the man. So there is a direct relationship between an espousal and holiness.

In verse 27 we learn that it is the love of G-d that makes the bride glorious, unspotted and unblemished. This perfection (flawlessness) is not the result of hard work on the part of the bride. Perfection is the result of the unselfish love of the groom. This imagery is taken from Ezekiel 16.9–14 in the way that G-d dresses Israel in gold and silver jewellery and beautiful embroidered clothing as He prepares her to be His bride. ¹⁸

The marriage relationship of two Believers is directly compared to the relationship between G-d and His bride. The husband is to love (agape) his wife so that he becomes the example of how G-d loves Israel and is preparing her to be His bride.

In verse 28 Paul tells us that a man is required to love his wife just like he loves his own body. Most people pamper their bodies in many ways. For instance, a person may be inclined to eat foods that his body likes rather than what it needs. Furthermore, most people are inclined to take measures to make their bodies more comfortable in circumstances. So Paul says that a man must also do these types of things for his wife because that is love in actions.

Eze. 16.9–14

9 And I do wash you with water. And I wash away your blood from off you. And I put on you ointment.

10 And I clothe you with embroidery. And I shoe you with dugong’s skin. And I dress you with fine linen. And I cover you with figured silk.

11 And I adorn you with adornments. And I give bracelets for your arms. And a chain around your neck.

12 And I give a ring for your nose. And rings are for your ears. And a crown of beauty is on your head.

13 And you put on gold and silver. And your clothing is fine linen, and figured silk and embroidery. Fine flour, and honey, and olive-oil you have eaten. And you are very very beautiful. And you go up to queenship.