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    Doctor-Nurse Jokes
    Doctor-Nurse Jokes
    Doctor-Nurse Jokes
    Ebook105 pages1 hour

    Doctor-Nurse Jokes

    By Mahesh Dutt Sharma

    ()

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    About this ebook

    Laughter is as essential for us as breathing is. The life becomes a big boredom without humour. Whatever be the merits of today’s busy and hectic life, it certainly has taken away laughter from our lives. Mental breakdowns we see around are proofs of it.
    This ‘Jokes E-book’ of ours is an effort to dissolve your tensions in a solution of smiles, chuckles and laughter.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherMahesh Dutt Sharma
    Release dateApr 30, 2013
    ISBN9781301782321
    Doctor-Nurse Jokes
    Author

    Mahesh Dutt Sharma

    Mahesh Sharma, a prestigious author and journalist, has written more than 1550 Hindi and English books. His book, "Mahatma Gandhi," won the M.P. Govt. Gandhi Darshan National Award in 2010. He also won Purvottar Hindi Academy, Meghalaya, Shilong Award twice, Natraj Author Award etc.. He is a freelance writer and writing is his passion.

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      Book preview

      Doctor-Nurse Jokes - Mahesh Dutt Sharma

      Doctor-Nurse Jokes

      By Mahesh Sharma

      Published by Mahesh Dutt Sharma

      Smashwords Edition

      © mds e-books 2013

      Smashwords License Statement

      This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each reader. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

      Preface

      Laughter is as essential for us as breathing is. The life becomes a big boredom without humour. Whatever be the merits of today’s busy and hectic life, it certainly has taken away laughter from our lives. Mental breakdowns we see around are proofs of it.

      This ‘Jokes E-book’ of ours is an effort to dissolve your tensions in a solution of smiles, chuckles and laughter. We earnestly believe that our collections of hilarious jokes will displace your worries and gloom with lots of Ha-Ha’s.

      -Publisher

      Table of Contents

      Chapter 1

      Chapter 2

      Chapter 3

      Chapter 4

      Chapter 5

      Chapter 6

      Chapter 1

      Patient walks into a doctor’s office.

      Patient: Doctor, people ignore me.

      Doctor: Next!

      *********

      Doctor! I’m terribly worried. I keep seeing pink striped crocodiles every time I try to get to sleep.’

      ‘Have you seen a psychiatrist?’

      ‘No, only pink striped crocodiles.’

      *********

      The senior civil servant went to the doctor and complained of being unable to sleep.

      Doctor: ‘Oh! Don’t you sleep at night?’

      Civil servant: ‘Yes, I sleep very well at night. And I sleep quite soundly most of the mornings, too - but I find it’s very difficult to sleep in the afternoons as well.’

      *********

      A man speaks frantically into the phone, My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!

      Is this her first child? the doctor queries.

      No, you idiot! the man shouts. This is her husband!

      *********

      A man comes into the Emergency Room and yells, My wife’s going to have her baby in the cab! I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady’s dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.

      *********

      At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient’s anterior chest wall. Big breaths, I instructed. Yes, they used to be, remorse.

      *********

      One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a massive internal fart.

      *********

      I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, Cover your right eye with your hand. He read the 20/20 line perfectly. Now your left.

      Again, a flawless read. Now both, I requested. There was silence. He couldn’t even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his were eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.

      *********

      During a patient’s two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. Which one? I asked. The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I’m running out of places to put it! I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn’t see... Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.

      *********

      Doctor, Doctor, I snore so loud I keep myself awake.

      Sleep in another room then!

      *********

      Doctor, Doctor I’m becoming invisible.

      Yes I can see you’re not all there!

      *********

      Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I’m a frog.

      What’s wrong with that?

      I think I’m going to croak.

      *********

      While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, How long have you been bedridden? After a look of complete confusion she answered... Why, not for about twenty years- when my husband was alive.

      *********

      A Nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, Keep off the grass. Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient’s dressing, which said Sorry, had to mow the lawn.

      *********

      Dr. Jones goes to the retirement home for his monthly rounds. He sees Joe and asks him, Joe, how much is three times three?

      Joe responds 59.

      He goes over to Tom and asks, Tom, how much is three times three?

      Tom responds, Wednesday.

      He finally goes over to John and asks, John, how much is three times three?

      NINE replies John.

      That’s right ...now how did you come to that answer?

      It was easy...I just subtracted 59 from Wednesday!

      *********

      Patient: Doctor, Doctor, I broke my arm in two places!

      Doctor: Stay out of them places!

      *********

      You have a cough? Go home tonight; eat a whole box of Ex-Lax, tomorrow you’ll be afraid to cough.

      *********

      What is the difference between God and an orthopedic surgeon?

      A God doesn’t think he is an orthopedic surgeon.

      *********

      Did you hear about the baby born in the high tech delivery room?

      It was cordless!

      *********

      Late one night the doctor’s wife was home alone, after her husband had been called to the hospital for an emergency. The doorbell rings, and she answers.

      Is the doctor at home? asks the man at the door, in a very hoarse and quiet voice due to his aching throat.

      No, c’mon in! whispers the doctor’s wife in return.

      *********

      A physician passed away and was being screened for the destination of his soul’s eternal afterlife. Unfortunately, he’d been a bit of a lout, a quack, and greedy to boot, so he wasn’t quite certain what to expect. Upon arriving at the Pearly Gates, God greeted him, and

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