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    Career Moves for Burnt Out Personifications
    Career Moves for Burnt Out Personifications
    Career Moves for Burnt Out Personifications
    Ebook96 pages49 minutes

    Career Moves for Burnt Out Personifications

    By Brian Bakos

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    About this ebook

    Santa, the Grim Reaper, and others scramble to find new careers and identities. Outrageous political and social satire. Nothing is taken seriously in this book. “A smorgasbord of paranoid ramblings ideally suited to today's sensibilities.”

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherBrian Bakos
    Release dateMay 1, 2013
    ISBN9781301355389
    Career Moves for Burnt Out Personifications
    Author

    Brian Bakos

    I like to write and travel. I'm from the Detroit area originally and try to see other places as often as possible. My most recent travels have been to China, Ecuador, and Belize. Am thinking of my next destination. It's wonderful how travel inspires the writing process. Attended Michigan State University and Alma College.Not much more than that. Anything else I have to say comes out in my books. If you really want to know more, please contact me through my website, https://www.theb2.net/. May life bring you many blessings!

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      Book preview

      Career Moves for Burnt Out Personifications - Brian Bakos

      CAREER MOVES

      For burnt-out personifications

      By Brian Bakos

      Color Art: Rob Jones

      Copyright 2013 Brian Bakos / revised 04–2023

      Smashwords Edition

      Smashwords Edition, License Notes

      This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. It may not be re-sold or given away to anyone else. If you want to share this book, please buy an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, please return to Smashwords.com and obtain your own copy. Thanks for respecting the author’s hard work.

      Table of Contents

      Preface

      Intro.

      Santa’s Last Ride

      The Grim Reaper Rocks On

      Ebenezer Scrooge Wises Up

      The Easter Bunny Checks Out

      The Tooth Fairy Bites Off

      Ishmael Reconsiders

      The Red Menace Fades

      Moby Dick Submerges

      Big Tobacco Gets Burned

      Uncle Sam Gets His Groove Back

      Herr Adolf Goes Under Cover

      Joe SixPack Meets Executive Suit

      Minority Democrat Meets Limousine Liberal

      Mother Nature Gets Ticked

      Epilog

      Connect with the Author

      Brian’s Other Books

      Preface

      Hear what critics are saying about this exciting graphic novel! (Identities hidden to protect reputations.)

      A violent and perverse work ideal for today’s sensibilities. – xx, xxxxx

      A smorgasbord of paranoid ramblings, something to outrage everyone. – xx, xxxxx

      Where is Captain Marvel when we need him? Where is Locust Man? – xx, xxxxx

      If you admit to liking this book, kiss your friends good-bye. – xx, xxxxx

      Pure trash! – xx, xxxxx

      A word from the author:

      Seek and ye shall find. If you are one of those types always looking for a reason to be offended, this book could be for you, with the following caveat:

      The author disavows any intent to injure the sensibilities of any reader concerning race, religion, national origin, political persuasion, sexual orientation, reproductive rights, climate variation, gun rights, cultural appropriation, veganism, alcohol, tobacco, recreational drugs, etc. If you can think of some other reason to be insulted, please fill in the blank. _________________________________

      This graphic novel contains as much artwork as I could afford at the time. I hope the textual descriptions will fill in the story – use your imagination.

      And don’t complain! The book’s cheap ain’t it?

      Intro.

      It’s easy to throw around abstractions like Santa Claus, the Grim Reaper, or the Average Guy. But how would you like to be one of these symbolic characters? Wouldn’t you get fed up?

      So, if you’re a working cultural personification, this message is for you:

      Are you burnt out by the unending grind? Are people expecting way too much from you? Perhaps it’s time for a change. Enter to find your path to an exciting new career!

      Santa’s Last Ride

      Santa was making his list and checking it twice, just like every year.

      Pic: Santa sits at a table – quill pen in hand, brow furrowed. His pipe in an ashtray curls smoke. A long scroll of paper unwinds before him, over the table and down to the floor.

      Pic: Santa sits back exhausted.

      SANTA: I don’t care any more who’s been naughty or nice.

      Pic: Drags on his pipe wearily.

      I’ve been in this racket too long. There’s gotta be more to life.

      He scans the job board on his computer.

      Not much of a job market for fat, old white guys, I’m afraid.

      Pic: Massages temples, eyes closed, pained expression.

      That’s what you get for playing it straight. I haven’t skimmed a dime in all these years!

      A real thumper of a headache was coming on. Then –

      Pic: Elves dump huge sacks of mail on the table. Letters overflow to the floor. Santa looks on aghast. Thud!

      SANTA: Greedy brats! ‘Give me this Santa … give me that.’ When’s the last time anyone sent me a present?

      Pic: Places hand on

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