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My Daughter's Addiction-A Thief in the Family (Hardwired for Heroin)
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Commencer à lire- Éditeur:
- Marie Minnich
- Sortie:
- Apr 4, 2010
- ISBN:
- 9781452370125
- Format:
- Livre
Description
A gripping and compelling story of one mothers journey raising her heroin addicted daughter.
On the night of August 22, 2009, her beloved 32-year old daughter died from heroin overdose.
Despite all the sorrow, this story is neither gloomy nor depressing, but rather an unflinching account of one woman's life, and her daughter whom she did not abandon to the bitter end.
Informations sur le livre
My Daughter's Addiction-A Thief in the Family (Hardwired for Heroin)
Description
A gripping and compelling story of one mothers journey raising her heroin addicted daughter.
On the night of August 22, 2009, her beloved 32-year old daughter died from heroin overdose.
Despite all the sorrow, this story is neither gloomy nor depressing, but rather an unflinching account of one woman's life, and her daughter whom she did not abandon to the bitter end.
- Éditeur:
- Marie Minnich
- Sortie:
- Apr 4, 2010
- ISBN:
- 9781452370125
- Format:
- Livre
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My Daughter's Addiction-A Thief in the Family (Hardwired for Heroin) - Marie Minnich
overdose.
Preface
The Diary of Sisyphus: Pushing the rock uphill
I have a dream. I am Sisyphus pushing the rock uphill. My daughter’s addiction is the rock. If I can just keep the rock from rolling backwards, everything will be fine. I spend my time on earth pushing the rock uphill. When my daughter is in the grip of her addiction, the rock rolls backwards and crushes us, and I have to start all over. But each time I come back and push a little bit harder. Because in my heart I know, someday we are both going to sit at the top of the hill on top of the rock together.
Introduction:
Human Being Disorder
Being a human being is extremely embarrassing. Being a human being is a disorder of the severest magnitude. I don’t care what kind of airs people give themselves, or how much people try to pretend that we do not have these basic, base animal bodies. There are many diagnoses of different types of personality disorder. As far as I am concerned, there is only one personality disorder, and that is Human Being Disorder.
When you get right down to it the fundamental truth of all humanity is that we have to deal with these base animal bodies
with the accompanying urges, needs and appetites; and these base needs also drive our emotions. Over the millennia, however, civilization has evolved complex sets of systems and behaviors to deal with the fundamental interactions and dilemmas of what I call Human Being Disorder
(HBD).
HBD exists because human beings are inherently imperfect beings who continually strive for perfection. The striving for perfection in a manifestly imperfect physical world creates a constant tension between the human ideal of what should be and what is really possible. This chronic and extremely relentless tension results in HBD.
Addicts apparently suffer from the strongest and most intense HBD of any other human beings. Addicts are extreme idealists who cannot cope with the limitations and boundaries of the physical world. The relentless tension between the nutritional needs of their animal body and the psychological state of trying to control that need alleviates only when the desired substance is ingested. The nutritional need
of the addict for their substance of choice is primitive, and when the hunt is on for their nutrition
, they are ruthless.
This is why when you have an addict in your life, whether a child, spouse, friend, parent, partner, or whatever, all bets are off. Nothing works emotionally the way it is supposed to work. Our typical emotional rules of engagement
for how to deal with other human beings don’t work.
Addicts are like rogue cancer cells running amok.
You can practice tough love, no love, smothering love, love/hate, pure unadulterated hatred, or cut the addict out of your life completely love
, and any other of a million emotional responses to the behavior of the addict. None of these responses will affect their addictive behavior in the least. It’s as if tens of thousands of millennia of civilization no longer exist. With the addict we are right back to experiencing the most primal of pre-historic or even reptilian instincts, something like a reverse osmosis of Darwinism.
When you live with an addict, there is no time off and there are no holidays, because an addict’s hunt for their substance is never-ending. As a matter of fact, traditional holidays are typically the time the addict acts out the most. So if it is Christmas, or the 4th of July, or your birthday, you can almost be certain that some bizarre behavior of the addict will totally screw up the day.
How many angels can dance on the head of a needle?
If you are the caretaker of an addict, you will basically have very little assistance from anyone in navigating the addict’s emotional landscape, jumping from draught to tsunami at the drop of a needle. On a daily basis you will question your own humanity, wondering if you are either a complete emotional dunce/doormat, Attila the Hun, or some weird hybrid creature in between. Society may view you with disdain.
You will be labeled all kinds of shaming, insulting things yourself, such as enabler
, crutch
, co-dependent
, etc. I will accept none of these constructs. These terms are not particularly endearing nor reassuring to the loved ones of addicts. A friend of mine once said, I am an enabler with boundaries
. That seems to be a fair description.
Prologue: The Art Institute of Chicago
The Camera pans in on the Chicago skyline and Lake Michigan. Cut to the Great Lions in front of the Art Institute of Chicago. A beautifully dressed woman is walking up the grand steps with a five-year old girl in tow. The little girl is wearing a party dress
with a flowered satin skirt, black velvet bodice with a row of little pearl buttons up the front, little white socks with black patent maryjanes, and little white gloves and a hat with a flower on her head. The little girl is happy and skipping and loves the art museum. Together she walks the marble corridors with her mother, and then they go down to the Thorne Room Collection, which is a collection of incredibly detailed miniature period rooms. The little girl stands on a ledge to peer into the rooms, and her mother stands behind her. They are so happy. I am that girl.
Chapter 1
My 31-year old daughter is a junkie. A Heroin addict. She has been using Heroin since age 17. She is also cross-addicted to alcohol, and she may be addicted to painkillers because of a herniated disc in her back. Personally, I feel that she cannot function at all without some kind of extreme pharmaceutical in her system, given the way her current brain and body chemistry have adapted to life.
That is why recently, I spent a small fortune to put her on Suboxone, a synthetic heroin that supposedly detoxifies one from Heroin usage and controls the narcotic craving. I thought the Suboxone was working pretty well to control her cravings, but then I discovered that she was finding ways to abuse the Suboxone so that she could continue her heroin habit
.
So now we are going back to Methadone, which in my daughters’ case does seem to improve matters. The fact that she is willing to go on Methadone tells me that she still yearns to be a normal
human being. Some people say Methadone is just substituting one addiction for another. To some extent that is true. Personally, however, to me, that is like saying that a diabetic is addicted to insulin. Methadone is legally prescribed medicine. Methadone can work if it is prescribed in the correct
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