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    How to Fail at Dating
    How to Fail at Dating
    How to Fail at Dating
    Ebook41 pages40 minutes

    How to Fail at Dating

    By Elizabeth Ratface

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    About this ebook

    While many consider themselves experts at failed dating and courtship, this handy guide provides a multitude of dubious examples about how to be even worse. Instructions are given on how to develop an annoying hyena laugh, the appropriate moment to mention how cancerous your date looks, and the best time to drop a hot dog in your date's lap. Topics include dinner dates, movies, sports, how to obsess about your appearance, dancing and more. Obviously tongue-in-cheek, this bizarre guide will help you smile and recover after even the worst of your dating failures.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherElizabeth Ratface
    Release dateJul 18, 2014
    ISBN9781310326929
    How to Fail at Dating
    Author

    Elizabeth Ratface

    Elizabeth Ratface has had her share of relationships gone bad. She decided to write about her experiences both as personal therapy and in the hope that others suffering from equally bad experiences will no longer feel alone.

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      Book preview

      How to Fail at Dating - Elizabeth Ratface

      HOW TO FAIL AT DATING

      By Elizabeth Ratface

      Published by Elizabeth Ratface on Smashwords

      Copyright 2014 Elizabeth Ratface

      This book may not be reproduced, copied or distributed without the express permission of the author. This book may not be resold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with someone, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you are reading this book and did not purchase it or have it purchased for you, please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the work of this author.

      Cover art courtesy the Library of Congress:

      Together Let us Range the Fields, by G.M. Woodward, 1809

      TABLE OF CONTENTS

      Chapter 1: Introduction

      Chapter 2: Dinner Dates

      Chapter 3: The Movies

      Chapter 4: Conversation

      Chapter 5: Outdoorsy Stuff

      Chapter 6: Your Appearance

      Chapter 7: Meeting Friends or Relatives of Your Date

      Chapter 8: Dancing, Gifts, Holidays and Other Oddities

      Chapter 9: Conclusion

      CHAPTER ONE: Introduction

      I strongly suspect that many people, upon seeing the title to this book, immediately think to themselves, Hah! I don't need anyone to tell me how to do THAT! I'm failing miserably on my own! If that is your reaction you are to be congratulated, since successful failures are hard to find. However, you should also realize that even the best of techniques can be improved. After all, you wouldn't want your perfect record of dating failures to be marred by a successful date, would you? This book can help you maintain your painful dating/courtship experience by providing a number of bizarre techniques which you may have never thought of before. Indeed, the annoying habits and disgusting behaviors described in this volume are sure to make an otherwise normal dating event into a night of sheer horror which your date will not soon forget.

      Of course, in dealing with a subject like this, it is always helpful to be clear on our terms. Just what, for example, is meant by a 'failure at dating?' While I have no doubt you already know the answer to this question, most likely you'll agree the following definition covers it quite well: Either having no dates at all, or having dates that (a) make you wish you had no dates at all, or (b) were so disgusting you would rather have been bitten by a rat with rabies.

      Now it is important to acknowledge that this book does NOT deal with any form of sexual behavior on dates. Those who think of dating in terms of sexual outcomes deserve any and all failures they experience. The dating discussed in this book is a social experience, not a physical one. It is the kind in which two people of the opposite gender go on a social outing that is not intended to result in more than a good-night kiss or holding hands, if the two can tolerate even that much contact from each other.

      You may also be wondering about my qualifications to write this book. You may question whether I am a trained counselor, or whether I have made extensive studies of the psychology of dating. Rest assured that even though I have no professional training on this subject at all, I nonetheless am an expert

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