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    100 Of The Best Curses and Insults In Italian: A Toolkit for the Testy Tourist
    100 Of The Best Curses and Insults In Italian: A Toolkit for the Testy Tourist
    100 Of The Best Curses and Insults In Italian: A Toolkit for the Testy Tourist
    Ebook147 pages1 hour

    100 Of The Best Curses and Insults In Italian: A Toolkit for the Testy Tourist

    By Kirsten Hall and Chuck Gonzales

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    About this ebook

    For When You Need Just the Right Word

    Travelling is fantastic – we don't deny it. But sometimes when you're in another country, stuff happens. A thieving kid lifts your wallet, a cab driver nearly kills you, or a waiter charges you $25 for bottled water. You feel powerless without the ability to do what you really want to do – curse them out.

    And what's the use of knowing the right curse if you can't pronounce it correctly? The only thing you'll succeed in doing is looking like some lame tourist. But you don't have to look like an idiot anymore. Here are 100 of the best curses and insults in Italian.

    So the next time a texting teen in Rome knocks over your gelato or a snickering Prada saleswoman in Milan insults your waistline, you'll know precisely how to say, Vaffanculo!

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherHarperCollins UK
    Release dateDec 12, 2013
    ISBN9780007550944
    100 Of The Best Curses and Insults In Italian: A Toolkit for the Testy Tourist

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      Book preview

      100 Of The Best Curses and Insults In Italian - Kirsten Hall

      SITUATION #1: OFF THE HOOK

      Never satisfied with the way you experienced Rome as a hostel-hopping pseudo-hippy twenty-something, you've come back to collect. You check yourself into a lavishly-appointed landmark hotel with unobstructed views of the Spanish Steps and Trevi Fountain. Your spanking new suede Ferragamo loafers (the love children of at least five grade-A swine hides) are loving your feet in a way your ex-girlfriend never quite managed. Giving your favorite filmmaker (Fellini) the nod, you sidle up to Harry's Bar and order yourself a bellini. Your living "la dolce vita" (the sweet life) vibe is received loud and clear by the hottest modella (model) in the room. You send her a drink. She returns with a wink. Just as you start to suggest slipping off to a quiet place where you can get to know one another, she whispers into your ear that her companionship will run you 500 euros. To top it off, your nosy asshole of a bartender makes a less-than-feeble attempt at concealing his snickers.

      What to do:

      Remind yourself that you're still the same rock star you were five minutes earlier. The only one poised to lose here is the tender, whose tip was just reduced to zilch (though he might not know it yet). So with your head held high (and comfort taken in the knowledge that your Pratesi hotel bed linens will remain pristinely disease-free), lean toward the bartender and smile conspiratorially as you boast:

      What to say:

      CHE MINCHIA GUARDI? ANCHE A ROCCO SIFFREDI OGNI TANTO LE COSE VANNO MALE!

      What the hell are you looking at? Even Rocco Siffredi fails sometimes!

      The bartender will understand your full meaning here since Rocco Siffredi is a hugely famous Italian porn star.

      It’s appropriate to say this because. . .

      You are a stud! And it’s not your fault you’re found irresistible even by society’s harder-working ladies.

      In the know:

      Don’t take home a hooker unless you’re prepared to find yourself behind bars of an altogether different kind! Before 1959, prostitution was fully legal in Italy and occurred primarily inside of case chiuse (closed houses). Then the legge Merlin (Merlin law) forced the closure of the case chiuse, displacing many prostitutes onto the streets. Today, understanding Italian laws as they pertain to prostitution can be just as challenging as pairing the right pasta and sauce: while prostitution is not actually a crime in Italy, aiding, abetting, and, exploiting prostitutes is!

      Most of the prostitutes in Italy are students. The next largest population group? Housewives! Arrivederci, Windex!

      EXTRA CREDIT

      A few words you may want to know should you unwittingly find yourself engaged in a conversation with a hooker:

      SEI SICURA CHE IL TUO PAPPONE SIA D’ACCORDO CON TUTTO QUESTO?

      Now you’re sure your pimp is okay with this?

      LO CONFESSO: SONO ANCORA VERGINE.

      I must confess: I’m still a virgin.

      ERI SERIA QUANDO DICEVI DI AMARMI?

      Did you really mean it when you said you loved me?

      SITUATION #2: LIKE A VIRGIN

      You've been a Madonna fan ever since you were a little girl—and not the Madonna with the He-Man arms and accent thicker than last night's Ragu. The religous kind! So a visit to Florence’s Uffizi Museum is your dream come true. At first, you're only slightly miffed by the young, local, hand-holding couple that keeps positioning themselves between you and each painting you’ve stopped to admire. Then, the handholding turns to petting (you breathe in and out slowly and deeply just like your yoga teacher taught you), which turns to tonguing (your ujai breath is becoming less and less effective), which turns to moaning (all concentration is gone, and you let out an exasperated sigh). By the time their tongue tournament is well into overtime, you realize you can't keep your own mouth closed any longer either.

      What to do:

      Loudly clear your throat. If that doesn't work, position yourself between Team Tonsil Hockey and whatever masterpiece they’re blocking. Then step backward, accidentally knocking into the pair. If they still haven’t come up for air, show them you actually command enough of their language to defend yourself!

      What to say:

      POSSO UNIRMI A VOI?

      Can I join in?

      or

      PRENDETEVI UNA STANZA!

      Get a room!

      It’s appropriate to say this because. . .

      Proper museum etiquette (no food, drink, loud noise, or artwork c**ck-blocking) is what ensures that all patrons are afforded the opportunity to enjoy a meaningful experience at the cultural institutions of their choosing.

      In the know:

      Museum-going tourists who've been there, done that in Italy (having exhausted the Uffizi, the Academia, the Vatican, and all of the other major museums) may want to check out the more kitschy Pasta Museum (in Rome), the Gas Station Museum (in Milan), the Knowing and Playing with Waste Museum (in Torino), the Umbrella and Parasol Museum (in Piedmont), or the Climbing Boot Museum (in Treviso)!

      EXTRA CREDIT

      Some cultures are more prone to PDA than others. And in Italy, public displays of affection are rampant. As such, you may want to tuck away a few more admonishments:

      1. FATE PURE COME SE NON CI FOSSI!

      No really, don’t mind me!

      2. NON VI SI STANCA MAI LA LINGUA?

      Aren’t your tongues tired yet?

      3. SE VI LECCATE ANCORA UN PO' RESTATE INCOLLATI!

      "If you

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