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    Making Your Differences Work for Your Marriage (Ebook Shorts)
    Making Your Differences Work for Your Marriage (Ebook Shorts)
    Making Your Differences Work for Your Marriage (Ebook Shorts)
    Ebook80 pages1 hour

    Making Your Differences Work for Your Marriage (Ebook Shorts)

    By Rick Johnson

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    About this ebook

    Relationship expert Rick Johnson shows you how to embrace your individuality, understand your spouse's needs and desires, and work together to build a strong marriage based on mutual respect and understanding.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherBaker Publishing Group
    Release dateJul 1, 2013
    ISBN9781441241184
    Making Your Differences Work for Your Marriage (Ebook Shorts)
    Author

    Rick Johnson

    Rick Johnson is the bestselling author of several books, including That's My Son, That's My Teenage Son, That's My Girl, and Better Dads, Stronger Sons. He is the founder of Better Dads and is a sought-after speaker at parenting and marriage conferences. Rick and his wife, Suzanne, live in Oregon. Learn more at www.betterdads.net.

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      Book preview

      Making Your Differences Work for Your Marriage (Ebook Shorts) - Rick Johnson

      gender.

      Introduction

      Marriage Is Tough

      Marriage is tough. Anyone who says it isn’t is either a liar or a fool. Even after twenty-eight years of marriage, trying to understand and satisfy my wife’s needs is still a daunting challenge. And I’m sure she feels the same way about me.

      It’s not that we don’t have great times together. In fact, we’re best friends. I enjoy her company as much or more than I ever have. My respect for her has grown exponentially over the years. Over time the initial rush of heart-stopping passion, lust, and infatuation has been replaced by a more mature, steady, deeper love and affection. I still find her the most beautiful and mysterious creature I’ve ever known.

      Sometimes I look at an attractive woman and then look at my wife. I am always astonished at how beautiful she still is, even in comparison to much younger women. She’s charming, and her emerald-green eyes sparkle with electricity when she’s being flirtatious. Every so often I look at her and am stunned speechless when I see a vision of the young girl I married who has ripened into an even more glorious version of womanhood. When she laughs at my jokes, all is good with the world. Her peals of laughter warm my insides like a cup of hot cocoa on a frosty winter’s day. Our bodies fit together like a pair of comfortable old Levi’s. She truly is what makes my world go around.

      Differences—Strengths or Weaknesses?

      Despite all that, we are two separate beings with individual backgrounds, tastes, experiences, and personalities. This merger of individual identities is the confluence that blends two separate streams of consciousness into the river of marriage. Even though I respect and admire her more than anyone I’ve ever met, she still frequently frustrates me to the point of exasperation. She is a bewildering mix of quandaries, enigmas, contradictions, and vexations. And I’m no better. We are two unique individuals with opposing personalities and habits.

      One glaring example would be the time we spend in the bathroom. I typically shower, shave, and slap on some Old Spice, and I’m good to go. Give me another minute or so to slip on jeans and a T-shirt, and I’m ready—a total of ten minutes tops (fifteen if I’m taking my time) from start to finish. Suzanne, however, uses a considerably greater amount of time and resources preparing for the day. I’ve never actually timed her with a stopwatch, but I’m pretty sure that even under times of great urgency, she’s never broken the one-hour barrier. And that definitely does not include getting dressed. Of course, the end result is a whole lot more spectacular than how I turn out, but the amount of time spent seems a little excessive to me.

      In almost everything, we are diametrically opposed. For instance, I can guarantee that anywhere we go in the world, the absolute strangest person in the room will come up and talk to her. She draws those people like a magnet. Then she enjoys spending time chatting with the different kinds of people who approach her. Perhaps that is what makes her such a great special-needs teacher. I, on the other hand, tend to try to discourage those kinds of individuals from latching on to me. Frankly, they make me a little nervous.

      In addition, Suzanne is bizarrely unorganized; I like to know where everything is. She is incorrigibly late; I believe anything less than five minutes early is disrespectful. She likes vegetables; I like meat. She is very relatable in one-on-one situations; I teach well in front of large groups. She is more loving and intuitive; I am more analytical and logical. She is flexible to change and comfortable in the face of surprises (in fact, she appears to relish chaos); I need to be prepared and organized in order to be comfortable.

      However, because we have recognized the value of these differences, we are able to use our strengths to compensate for and even complement the other’s weaknesses. It makes us a formidable team, both in ministry and in our marriage. We believe that as a team we are greater than the sum of our parts. While her differences may annoy me from time to time, I have come to understand the value they bring to our relationship. We have worked out our roles in marriage so they are complementary, allowing us to thrive by working together instead of against one another.

      This doesn’t mean that we are not equal partners, or that one is more dominant than the other. Equality in a relationship does not mean sameness—it means each person is valued for the contribution they bring to the table. In fact, the very differences we have are perhaps our greatest strengths when they are recognized and used effectively instead of being at odds with one another.

      Essential Differences

      In my research for this book, I discovered that men frequently operate on an objective-based, goal-oriented system, while women more often incorporate a whole-world view in their thematic approach to life. These observations can best be summed up as

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