Life is Binary

Life is Binary

The Choice to Live Love

Or

Limitation

VIVBALA

Copyright 2014 Vivbala

Smashwords Edition

www.vivbala.com

Cover Design Vila Design

Cover Image by Photosani/Shutterstock.com

Editing by Karen Churchill

Ebook formatting by Maureen Cutajar

Dedication

I dedicate this book to all those who have a vision, but somehow did not have the confidence, trust, or belief in themselves to reach out and achieve that vision or elusive goal, know that you are not alone. I, as well as many other visionaries, have been on your side. Each life has situations where the initial focus is on oneself. However, I hope that as similar situations and events show up in your life, you can achieve your goals as well as helping others to achieve theirs. Our choices will help to guide our lives as well as to enhance those around us. The true aspect in this search is that while we can achieve progress in self, we can also influence those around us to have equal goals, success and peace. It is our choice to determine where we want to be, whom we want to take with us and assist in the process.

Acknowledgements

I am grateful to many people for supporting me directly and indirectly with this book. I want to give special thanks to Karen Churchill for spending quality time to review the manuscript, provide me with timely feedback, and going the extra mile to edit the book. I also want to thank Ken McKeithan and Ray Clough, for the initial feedback and the reviews that kept me writing. The book needed energy to be taken to the next level and that came in the form of Betsy Rabyor who helped the book to reach wider audience. Life is such a wonderful journey! I am thankful that life gave me a Father who always supported my choices in life, a Mother who gave me unconditional love and for my Sisters who always had high confidence in me. Friends had a huge impact on me, especially those from my college who complimented and recognized my creative writing. Finally, it would have not been possible without the support of my Wife and Daughter who complete me in all aspects.

Preface

Words are an extension of our thoughts in a format that can be exchanged with others. Therefore, for the writer, his thoughts flow into words. If you maintain a state of tranquility while writing, the reader has the opportunity to resonate with that state.

I was experiencing a state of bliss and joy that lasted for many hours and at times for consecutive days. After having this experience for some time, I had the idea to write in that state. Initially, the words were my personal experiences, but it slowly changed to a different level where I could abstract it, so that others could relate to the words. Then the speed of the writing picked up and the blissful state started to last many hours. Initially, it was a practice I did after meditation, but gradually I moved on to writing whenever I found time as the words were flowing spontaneously.

In addition, information started to show up in my life that validated my experience. I wrote this book in an intermittent fashion, about an hour every day but since it flows from a peaceful state, the words should be continuous.

My wish is that in reading this book you will resolve some of your unresolved hidden issues, unanswered questions and relieve the stored up pain. As well in the process you will experience joy and hope that will enhance your life.

Vivbala

TABLE OF CONTENTS

DEDICATION

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

PREFACE

INTRODUCTION

FLASH CRASH AWAKENING

EVERYONE SWITCHED COUNTRIES, I SWITCHED TO A DIFFERENT STATE

AN ATHEIST MEETS GOD

METAMORPHOSIS OF LARVAE TO BUTTERFLY

ON A HIGH EVERY DAY

SOLVE ONE PROBLEM TO THE ROOT, THEN YOU HAVE THE KEY

LIFE IS A BUNCH OF PATTERNS

HOW DO WE FORM PATTERNS?

PATTERNS KEEP US IN A LOOP THAT WE CAN’T SEE BEYOND

LOW SELF ESTEEM PATTERN LOOKS FOR FAILURE EVEN WITH SUCCESS

WHAT IF I DON’T BREAK THE PATTERNS?

PATTERNS CLEARED ONCE FOR ALL

LIFE IS ENERGY

ENERGY DYNAMICS

HOW DO WE LOSE ENERGY?

HOW TO GET OPTIMUM ENERGY

HOW DOES ENERGY FLOW THROUGH OUR BODIES?

ENERGY IS UNIVERSAL

FUEL FOR ENERGY

LIFE IS A JOURNEY, OUR BODY IS THE VEHICLE

WHAT IS SPECIAL ABOUT OUR BODY?

THE KEY TO STAY WELL AND EFFECTIVELY USE OUR BODY

HOW DO I TAKE MY BODY WHERE I WANT TO GO?

OUR BODY CAN TAKE US TO DIFFERENT STATES

THE EYES ARE OUR WINDOWS

THE GIFT OF OUR BRAIN

LIFE HAS A PROTOCOL

INTUITIVE VS. INTELLECTUAL

SYNCHRONISTIC EVENTS

UNIVERSAL INTELLIGENCE

TRAGEDY OF BEING HUMAN

THE UNIVERSE GIVES US WHAT WE WANT

LIFE HAS FEAR AND IT RUNS IN THE BACKGROUND

HOW IS FEAR CREATED?

WHY DO WE HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FEAR?

HANDLING FEAR: NEGATIVE VERSUS POSITIVE THOUGHTS

AFTER FEAR LEAVES, WE LIVE WITHOUT OUR MASK

FEAR IS PASSED FROM PARENT TO CHILD AND NEXT GENERATION

LIFE IS FOR EVOLUTION

OUR FIRST LOVE IS AN OPENING TO SPIRITUAL AWAKENING

MIDLIFE CRISIS IS AN OPENING FOR GROWTH

SPORT IS A FORM OF SPIRITUAL PRACTICE

DREAMS PORTRAY INNER CONSCIOUSNESS WHICH HELP US AWAKEN

EVOLUTION IS NOT A DISEASE

EVOLVING TO THE NEXT STAGE

LIFE IS BINARY

JOURNAL WRITING AS A SPIRITUAL PRACTICE

WHEN THE SWITCH IS MADE FROM BEING ONE TO ABSOLUTE

WHEN A CRITICAL NUMBER OF PEOPLE LIVE LIFE ABSOLUTE

REFERENCES

Introduction

There is a silent epidemic going on behind the eyes of the general public. Millions of people are suffering from anxiety, depression, fear, panic attacks and many other diseases related to the daily stress of life. As a society, we all wear a mask that projects to others that we have good control of our life. If we show our pain, we are considered weak and not able to fit into societal expectations. The pressure of fitting in leads us to wear this mask and more for people who are suffering and cannot handle their pain. Desperately wanting help, many turn to Internet Support Groups because then they can create an alias identity and openly express their problems.

I went through this same route myself. I wore the mask, hid my problems, and participated in many Internet forums. Having done that, now I see the time has come for me to bring these issues to the attention of everyone and remove the social stigma associated with them. Awareness is what is needed to heal people suffering from this. In most cases this is not a disease, it is rather due to people going through a life transition process that often occurs in midlife. A spiritual awakening has common symptoms.

This book is my first attempt to offer a solution for these problems. It is my journal of experiences based on the notes I took while applying my new insights that I received in daily life.

I am an engineer by education and profession so most of the analogies and examples have been written from that perspective. I trust they can easily be absorbed by anyone as these are issues we face in our everyday life.

Flash Crash Awakening

Being truly alive means being filled with love. Only when we are fully alive and filled with love will we feel complete and be free of suffering, fear and pain. If our life isn’t like this, then how can we get there? Everyone is born in this state but very few continue to live in that state. As part of growing up in the name of learning and gaining knowledge, we lose the essence of love. It is inherent in today’s culture with its increasing levels of stress and distractions of sustenance, survival and the everyday worries of life, that our natural state is suppressed even more.

A few exceptional people today live in this natural state due to work they have done in the past to question themselves and reality. Other people experience a spontaneous awakening in the form of a near death experience or a sudden awakening resulting from shocks to the system. Their life turns upside down and they have no choice but to change themselves to the personality of love. I belong to the last category where I experienced sudden physical changes and many insights kept flowing.

I was leading a normal life with everyday challenges, struggles, and stress with occasional happiness. I would rate it as an average life, not only for the material success but also for the quality of life I experienced. In the eyes of others, I would be seen as a typical man with a happy family, decent job as software engineer and having the necessities to lead a comfortable middle class life. I was content with this self-image.

I had some dreams in my lifetime. Some of them materialized and the ones that did not, I gave the reason that I dreamt bigger then I should have. I set those bigger dreams aside, being resolved to be happy with living a mediocre life. When I was near my fortieth birthday, I asked myself: Is this all there is to life? If this is it, then life is an overrated hype!

On other days, I walked in remote places with mountains or areas where there are miles of land with no one around. I saw all this vacant land and miles of trees, and wondered what does this mean to my life? I saw myself as a tiny spec in the universe that is going to live its lifetime and die. The Universe is huge, but my life looked like only a mundane activity: waking up, going to work, coming back to family, eating and going to sleep. The thought that this would be how all the rest of my days would be struck me as very boring.

Occasionally I went on vacation, started some new projects at work or did a voluntary community activity which provided some excitement. Watching my daughter grow up, provided occasional flashes of light, but that was such a small percentage of my life. Even these became repetitive and did not seem to bring the same joy as compared to when I first experienced them. Still, I resigned myself to my daily life and went about living that way, assuming this is what life is meant to be…

But things turned interesting...

It was May 6, 2010 and it’s hard for me to forget that day, it was the day when the US Stock Market crashed about ten percent during the intraday trading and later recovered most of the losses. It was a wild day in the stock market and later the wild swing in the market on that day was called the Flash Crash.

I was very active in trading then as I was looking for ways to get more money in my life. I did not make big trades but I would make one or two trade per week. On this particular day, I had high hopes. I had heavy bets on a single company that was going to release its quarterly release that afternoon after market close.

A typical day for me at that time was to wake up around 6am before the market opened, browse the news, and check my emails and then go for a run. I had my smart phone with me all the time so checking the stock ticker was kind of a natural instinct every ten or fifteen minutes. In between the commute to work, I was tuned into the business radio shows, which give a running commentary on the market. I was very much hooked all day long through the smart phones, computer, radio show or television shows and my mood would be in accord with what was happening in that world.

On that Thursday, the market was not looking good. It was going down in the morning and then there was the huge crash around noon. The anxiety and the stress that came with the crash compounded by a very poor quarterly report from the company, in which I had invested, put me into a deep depression. Compounding that situation was that evening I had to be in a community event rehearsing for a show over the weekend. In the middle of the show rehearsal, I felt faint and kind of dizzy. Without attracting anyone’s attention, I slowly sat down on a nearby chair. From nowhere an intense fear came over me, with heavy breathing and a feeling of total loss of control. Initially I thought it was a heart attack but somehow knew this was something different. Even though I had minor attacks like that before, this attack was full blown almost incapacitating me from doing anything, but I knew that I wanted to be alone. I slowly managed to walk to my car in the parking lot and sat down for a while. The attack lasted for almost an hour and the remnants continued for an hour afterwards. I did not know how to react to the attack but it was a real shock to my life. Losing total control of yourself for a few minutes with fear fully taking you over you is very scary. It was a serious wakeup call in my life.

I did not know what happened to me that day, but I had to understand what initiated the attack. After checking with the doctors I figured out it was a panic attack. Doing more research and searching the Internet I learned quite a bit about these attacks. Doctors advised me to stay away from stressful situations to avoid a recurrence.

But the attacks randomly persisted and I felt I had to drastically change my life habits, diet and exercise so that they could be brought under control. The attacks could be triggered when I was outside in public places, so I had nowhere to hide. A couple of times the attacks were totally out of control and I had to check in to the emergency room, only to find out that everything was normal. The medical world treated it like a disease and they prescribed anti-depressants to bring it under control. I decided not to take the medication. I wanted to heal myself holistically. I would also suggest to others that they be very wary of the placebo presented by the medical community through medication. I encourage you to research and find possible alternative solutions as opposed to just taking the easy way out with pills that mask the underlying cause.

Having grown up with the belief that people can achieve anything, I was not going to swallow the anti-depressant pill as my first option. From my upbringing, I was aware of two choices.

My father, who had inspired me throughout my life, healed himself of recurring asthma attacks by practicing breathing exercises and learning yoga. He did this by religiously practicing it while he was in his seventies. On the other hand, my mother who was depressed could not get out of it, even though she tried to heal herself with yoga, meditation and walking. She finally felt anti-depressants to be her only savior. She did get better and her depression lifted, but her dependency on the anti-depressants did not go away. Given this background and being a spectator of the lives of my parents, it was natural to choose the route my father took. I started to look for healing through meditation, yoga, physical exercises and diet. I was ready to make every changed needed in order to heal myself.

I altered my life style to focus and maintain control, however the attacks did not abate, instead they began to recur more frequently. I had to make some drastic changes; I did not have a choice. I decided to stay away from the stock market, switching the radio away from the business news. Instead of daily running, I did slow walking to bring the adrenaline rush under control. I changed my diet to eating lighter foods so that I never felt heavy. I also dropped all the distractive habits that made me lose conscious control, including alcohol. I read a book that would give me peace before going to bed which became a habit. These changes gave me better control over my life, but there was no reprieve from my panic attacks.

The challenge every time during these attacks was the flight or fight response which was naturally triggered by my body.