Snapshots To The Portrait

Life

1. Why?

Like he had done so many times this morning, young Emanuel gently pulled back his mother’s living room drapes to look out at the vacant house across the street from his home. Each time he looked, all he had seen were the little rain droplets from the previous night’s delicate rain had increasingly disappeared from the freshly washed greenery. Although it had only been a short while since the ‘Sold’ sign had been placed at the empty house, Emanuel had waited for what seemed to be a lifetime for the new family to arrive. Living in the small community of Bethel had always afforded him and his family safety, peace and harmony but for a young boy of thirteen it could sometimes be very lonely. Anxiously awaiting the arrival of his new neighbors began the moment his parents had told him that they had a girl named Grace and she was about the same age as Emanuel.

Finally…, the large box style moving van had arrived. It was pulling up and back, twisting and turning, as it prepared to dock for unloading. Only seconds later, the small compact car caring the precious cargo that Emanuel had so eagerly waited for was now in sight. With excitement mounting and need of a better view, Emanuel leaped through his front door and reluctantly stopped at the first step off his porch. With great difficulty he was keeping in mind his parents instructions. Repeatedly he had been told that such an early visit from a young neighbor would not be polite and certainly not welcomed by the arriving adults who would be facing the dreaded chaos of moving into a new home.

As the car slowly rolled up to the small, almost nonexistent curb in front of the adjacent house, Emanuel could see the lady clearly. His eyes quickly moved to the passenger seat. There she was. He watched with great curiosity as the passenger door slowly opened to reveal the small slim frame exiting the car. She stood small in stature even for her thirteen years. With only her back facing him, all he could really see was the near burgundy colored hair that extended from the top of her head to the now hidden waist.

Grace stood soberly in front of what she had been told was to be her new home. She was not and could not feel the joy and excitement that one would expect of a young girl her age. Grace’s emotions seemed to be in a hypnotic state. Unsure of feelings, belief, and her entire purpose for existence, she carried a burden within her that some adults of many years have not experienced.

Grace was born to very loving and caring parents of the Jewish faith. They had practiced their faith, as had the family’s generations before them. She too had known no other way. However, only a matter of days before her parents had died in their Jewish homeland, they had entered into a totally different way of worship. Unknown to Grace, her parents had been experiencing conviction in their hearts and a desire for the fulfillment that they had only been told about by others. Both of her parents had told Grace that they had sought, for some time now, and had finally found that long desired peace when they accepted Jesus Christ into their lives and the faith of Christianity. Grace was far too young to understand all that her parents were trying to tell her, but there was no mistaking the happiness and joy that she saw them experiencing each and every day since they had announced the changes they were making in their lives.

Although her parents were filled with joy, the same could not be said of Grace’s grandfather. Her grandfather was a great man that spent the better part of his time teaching of the Torah. He would teach from the streets to the temples, wherever those that wanted to receive would gather. He would teach them as he had taught his son and they had taught Grace. He could not understand how his son and daughter in-law had stepped away from the way he had taught them from their childhood. He had taught them, as he had been taught, there is one God and he believed his name to be Jehovah and that the Messiah had not yet come. Now they wanted to believe in a faith that has made Jesus Christ the Messiah, the Son of God, not just the prophet grandfather believed him to be.

Grace believed in her grandfather and always listened to what he had to say. He continued to teach her in his faith. How they were God’s people, how God was going to come back and give them peace in the end, and that they were the apple of God’s eye with an expression of a fondness that was beyond measure. Even from very early childhood, Grace always carried her grandfather’s teachings, yet as turmoil began eroding the life that she had always known, Grace began questioning God as severely as a prosecutor. Her requisition for answers began at the death of her parents and ascended with each crushing blow that followed. Unanswered questions in her mind, heart, and sole began to swell within her like the explosive lava churning in a volcano. Grace had seen the new contentment, joy, and excitement that radiated through her parent’s words, actions, smiles and new way of worship. This caused her to be torn between believing her parents had found the true way in Jesus Christ or had they been tricked by the devil, who some say comes in like a thief in the night, and the early loss of their lives was the consequences to be paid. Was this new way of life that they had found merely the devil’s plot to destroy them or was it just first in the series of Grace’s tragedies that the devil had plotted against her? Her entire life had become one big ball of hurt and confusion and she needed answers, even if they were of the simplest form. Perhaps the devil had used trickery, Jesus Christ, and salvation as tools for his cause. After all, her grandfather had lived to a very old age and had many followers in his faith.

Quickly jerked from her thoughts, Grace acknowledges the woman that had apparently been calling her for some time. She obediently followed the man and woman up the steps and into the new home. In between giving the moving men instructions as to the placement of furniture and boxes, Grace’s uncle and aunt gave her a detailed tour of the first floor of the house. Moving up to the second floor, Grace was excitedly shown the two beautifully decorated rooms upstairs. She was given the choice as to which one she would like for her room. The two rooms were very similar in color and décor. Yet beyond the second door on the left her eyes instantly noticed there wasn’t a tree outside the window concealing the view as there was with the other room. She struggled to show them some kind of a smile and made a straining effort to show appreciation. However, still in her numbness, Grace’s eyes did catch the sheered bay window and was drawn to it. The milky white haze while looking out across the yard through the white window sheers was all too familiar to Grace. For this is the way Grace was now seeing the world. Everything seemed so veiled and distant looking. Unaware of exactly when her uncle and aunt had excused themselves, Grace began fading back into her thoughts.

With just a slight motion in her lips, Grace felt a soft smile in her mind as she closed her eyes and visualized her Grandfather. She and her grandfather would get up early every morning to pray and practice their religious laws. Grandfather had committed his life to the laws and practices that his father had taught him and he in turn had pasted on to his sons and granddaughter. Grace felt comfort in her grandfather’s teachings for he still remained with her. Confused and dismayed, Grace still silently questioned God about Jesus Christ, son or prophet, savoir or devil’s tool, beacon of love and hope or guide to the fiery damnation of hell. For it was only a short while after both her parents had received Jesus Christ and accepted him as the son of God, the Messiah who had died for our sins, that her parents had been killed. If her fear that Jesus Christ had led her parents astray and had resulted in the punishment of death was valid; she wanted no part of Christianity. But she couldn’t forget the glow in her mother’s eyes and the excitement in her soft voice as she tried to tell Grace of the new feelings and teachings that they had found. Many things had become a blur to Grace, but the enthusiasm that radiated from her parents was forever burnt into her memory. She vividly remembered the day her mother was telling her of Jesus Christ going into the heart of the earth and taking the keys of death, hell, and the grave from the devil.

Between her grandfather’s teachings and her parent’s memories, Grace could not make a true commitment to any belief. Most days she began confidant in the beliefs of her grandfather, but with ever returning memories of her parents the confusion and questions continually arose. Each night she lay in her bed and in silent prayer would ask God to help show and teach her what was right. Begging for answers and pleading for direction, Grace would try to mask her disappointments and resentments because she was even unsure whom they should be directed at.

A quick shiver came over Grace as her mind wondered to the day that her grandfather’s friend and follower, Judas, had came to visit. It began as the sun peaked over the hilltops and its warm ray glistened off Grace’s soft skin, it awoke her. She hurriedly put her clothes on and rushed downstairs to meet her grandfather for morning prayers. To her surprise there was a note on the kitchen table asking her to go ahead and have prayer without him. He had gotten word that he was needed in town. Her grandfather was always helping others in need and was a very well thought of and an influential man in the nearby town. Disappointed but realizing how important he was to the people and the dedication he had to his beliefs, Grace began to pray for the both of them. God bless my grandfather and give him the words to speak for those that are in distress, to help them, and to heal them. Please God help me have sureness in my faith and lead me the way of your will… After she had ended her prayer with thanksgiving there was a knock at the door.

Transforming from just a girl, Grace instantly became the young lady of the house. As she approached the front door, she inquires to see who was on the other side. With both relief and eagerness she was pleased to find out that it was her grandfather’s very close and dear friend Judas. With an open door, Judas entered with eyes immediately searching for his friend. Grace explained about the note that had been left for her and that she was unsure as to how long he would be. He could be back soon or it may even be as late as tomorrow. She said, You know he’s about the father’s business. And with that both gave a short chuckle of understanding. She let him know right away that he was welcome to wait and the disappointment that her grandfather would have if he had missed his visit. Judas quickly accepted the offer and stated that he had some very important issues that he needed her grandfather’s help and guidance with. This was perfect, for not long ago Grace was like any other young girl, she would pretend her dolls and stuffed animals were guest and serve them tea at her small table in her imaginary kitchen. Now she had a real kitchen, living room, and guest. She also had an opportunity to speak to another adult about her confusion and seek answers that she would not ask of her grandfather. As she prepared the warm early morning drinks, she began by asking Judas if he believed that Jesus Christ was the Messiah or just a prophet. Quickly answering, he told her that the Messiah had not come yet so, he had to have been a prophet. She then asked, Why did my mom and dad come to believe that Jesus Christ was the Messiah after growing up in a totally different faith? At a loss for words, Judas replied, some people make foolish decisions, but maybe the God they served before will save them. Almost frightened Grace questioned Judas, But Judas, they were changed, there was more love, happiness, joy … well I can’t explain it all. Judas’ come back was with question, Well then why did they not have long lives where they could see you grow up, have them grandchildren… with that he stopped, gave a small laugh as he realized that Grace wasn’t old enough to understand anything to do with making babies.

Judas Grace said, Do you think I can help you with your problem? With that question complete silence fell. Judas dropped his head with embarrassment and refused to let his eyes meet hers. Choking out a low response of no I don’t think you can was all he could squeeze out of his tightened throat. Fighting the battle within and closing the door to the thoughts that he believed satin plagued him with, he quickly moved on to other subjects for their conversation.

As the two of them enjoyed conversation, Grace couldn’t help but wonder why Judas’ whole personality had changed when she offered to try and help him, but she put that aside and enjoyed the company the rest of the day. Grace was the perfect hostess. She enjoyed showing her ability to prepare the modest lunch of soup and the evening sandwich she offered her guest would have put any fast food chain to shame. However, as the sun lay down to rest and the moon began to take its place, Grace couldn’t help but be disappointed that her grandfather had not returned yet. Although she had believed herself to be an adult for the better part of the day, her child like fears of being alone were creeping up on her. She then offered her grandfather’s room to her guest while explaining how disappointed and worried grandfather was going to be if he missed this visit and opportunity to help and advice a friend. Not looking forward to the thirty minute ride back to town, just to return back early the next morning, Judas thought a moment, heavily weighing the need and urgency he had to speak with his friend and faith advisor, he accepted the offer.

2. Deceived

With confidence restored, Grace began tiding up the small living room and began her plans with her guest for the next morning. She eagerly relayed to him that she believed that her grandfather would surely be home early in the morning and that the three of them could participate in the customary morning pray together. As Judas and Grace ended their conversation, Grace said her goodnights and gave Judas a quick and childlike hug. Although she hadn’t found his responses very useful or satisfying, she also thanked him for his attempt to give her guidance and answers to the question that she had put before him. Rushing up the stairs, she grabbed her nightgown from her room and proceeded to the bathroom down the hall. Upon entering, she gave the door her usual fingertip fling. Humming a chipper tune, she did not notice that the latch had not caught and had bounced the door back to rest just slightly ajar.

After checking to make sure the doors were secure, Judas turned off the lights down stairs and headed off to his friend’s room for the rest of the evening. As he topped the stairs and rounded the corner, he could hear Grace who was almost in full song by this time. As he quickly glanced in her direction, he saw her nakedness in the illuminated room against the dim hall. He stopped immediately. Not realizing that his conscious thought had ceased, he stood in awe, not of the young granddaughter of his longtime friend but, of the young lady that was some were between child and woman as she prepared to bath. Suddenly realizing his transgression, he threw his head down and scurried off to her grandfather’s room. Fighting for the air that his lungs refused to accept, he could not rid himself of the overwhelming nausea that his thoughts had brought him. Consciously he began telling himself to breathe - that it was nothing more than a mistake and no one had seen him – right?

With a caution, he very slowly turned the knob of the bed room door and pulled it back just slightly. With one squinted eye he looked to confirm that he had not been noticed when he had pasted. The soft glow of the bathroom light still glistened and highlighted the slim delicate young woman that only moments ago he had considered only a child. All the softness, curves, and maturity that he had been noticing in the woman in town had revealed themselves there before him. Although the actuality was not as advanced as the older woman, his mind and imagination had allowed in the same lusting thoughts that he had come to discuss with his long time friend and spiritual advisor. His conscious thought weakened as his lusting desire grew, causing his eyes to tear and his lungs to become starved for the oxygen that they needed. He knew his thoughts and these feelings were wrong, but he had no ability to remove himself from the enticement that he had found.

Watching as Grace slipped on her nightgown and made the final strokes with the brush to her hair, Judas saw her turn to the door. He immediately stepped back and closed the door. As Grace dashed down the hall, she gave a cheerful Goodnight call to Judas. She wondered why he had not responded, but assumed he had already fainted away to sleep. Grace said her prayers as always and nestled into her bed feeling contentment and excitement for the next day. Grandfather would be home, he would be pleased to see his friend, and proud of Grace’s ability to be the hostess of their home. Unaware of the turmoil down the hall, she drifted away in her sleep while visualizing the joy and happiness she was so sure the next day was going to bring.

As Judas lay in the bed, the dance in his head was accompanied with neither melody, rhyme nor reason. His spiritual conscious prayed for forgiveness, strength, guidance, and freedom from the lustful spirit that had been stalking him for some time now. The spirit had pulled and tugged at him as it made every effort to take over his mind. Totally consuming his mind and thoughts the lust continued, as he would drift in and out of dreams instead of sleep. Repeatedly Judas