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    Sacred Marriage Bible Study Participant's Guide: What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy?
    Sacred Marriage Bible Study Participant's Guide: What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy?
    Sacred Marriage Bible Study Participant's Guide: What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy?
    Ebook62 pages49 minutes

    Sacred Marriage Bible Study Participant's Guide: What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy?

    By Gary Thomas and Kevin & Sherry Harney

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    About this ebook

    In this six-session small group Bible study (DVD/digital video sold separately), Sacred Marriage, writer and speaker Gary Thomas invites you to see how God can use marriage as a discipline and a motivation to reflect more of the character of Jesus.

    Your marriage is much more than a union between you and your spouse. It is a spiritual discipline ideally suited to help you know God more fully and intimately. Sacred Marriage shifts the focus from marital enrichment to spiritual enrichment in ways that can help you love your mate more. Whether it is delightful or difficult, your marriage can become a doorway to a closer walk with God.

    Everything about your marriage—from the history you and your spouse create, to the love you share, to the forgiveness you both offer and seek by turn—is filled with the capacity to help you grow in Christ's character.

    Sessions include:

    1. God’s Purpose for Marriage: More Than We Imagine
    2. The Refining Power of Marriage
    3. The God-Centered Spouse
    4. Sacred History
    5. Sexual Saints
    6. Marriage: The Love Laboratory

    Designed for use with the Sacred Marriage Video Study (sold separately).

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherZondervan
    Release dateAug 4, 2015
    ISBN9780310880677
    Sacred Marriage Bible Study Participant's Guide: What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy?
    Author

    Gary Thomas

    Gary Thomas's writing and speaking draw people closer to Christ and closer to others. He is the author of twenty books that together have sold more than two million copies and have been translated into more than a dozen languages. These books include Sacred Marriage, Cherish, Married Sex, and the Gold Medallion-award winning Authentic Faith. Gary holds a bachelor's degree in English Literature from Western Washington University, a master's degree in systematic theology from Regent College (Vancouver, BC), and an honorary doctor of divinity degree from Western Seminary (Portland, OR). He serves as a teaching pastor at Cherry Hills Community Church in Highlands Ranch, Colorado.

    Read more from Gary Thomas

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    Reviews for Sacred Marriage Bible Study Participant's Guide

    4/5

    21 ratings15 reviews

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    • 5/5
      The author has taken the relationship of the married couple and made it into a special relationship with God in the Christian experience. Many personal stories illustrate the author's points, as do Bible citations. The bottom line is that marriage is a specific way for two people to have a closer relationship with God than on their own and that this marriage can be a testing ground for spiritual development.
    • 4/5
      "What if god designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?"Thomas is from a Catholic background. This is an interesting proposal. Each chapter is about a different aspect of holiness. It seems to be written with men in mind. Chapter titles:1. Greatest challenge in the world: a call to holiness more than happiness2. Finding God in marriage: marital analogies teach us truths about God.3. Learning to love: marriage teaches us to love4. Holy honor: marriage teaches us to respect others (particularly our spouse)5. Soul's embrace: good marriage can foster good prayer6. Cleansing of marriage: how marriage exposes our sin7. Sacred history: building the spiritual discipline of perseverance8. Sacred struggle: embracing difficulty in order to build character9. Falling forward: marriage teaches us to forgive10. Make me a servant: marriage can build in us a servant's heart11. Sexual saints: marital sexuality can provide spiritual insights and character development12. Sacred presence: how marriage can make us more aware of God's presence13. Sacred mission: marriage can develop our spiritual calling, mission, and purposeQuotes from the book:Romantic love has no elasticity to it. It can never be stretched; it simply shatters. There is much in Christian history that has unofficially considered married believers to be second-class Christians who compromised their integrity. Any situation that calls me to confront my selfishness has enormous spiritual value. if the purpose of marriage was simply to enjoy an infatuation and make me happy, then I'd have to get a new marriage every two or three years. The ultimate purpose of this book is not to make you love your spouse more. It's to equip you to love your God more. He planted marriage among humans as yet another signpost pointing to his own eternal, spiritual existence. Marriage creates a climate where this love is put to the greatest test. The problem is that love must be acquired. It must be chased after, aspired to, and practiced. A man who says "I've never loved you" is a man who is saying essentially this: "I've never acted like a Christian." It's easy to love God because God doesn't smell, have bad breath, or reward kindness with evil like humans. Can it mean, then, that if my wife is unhappy, I'm failing God? Contempt is conceived with expectations. Respect is conceived with expressions of gratitude. 1 Peter 3:7 Peter tells us that we should improve our marriages so that we can improve our prayer lives. Dissension is a major prayer-killer. The institution of marriage is designed to force us to become reconcilers. That's the only way we'll survive spiritually. What marriage has done for me is hold up a mirror to my sin. Don't give in to the temptation to resent your partner as your own weaknesses are revealed. Biblically speaking you can't swap your spouse for someone else. The mature response, is not to leave but to change ourselves. We live in a nation of quitters. Today you can virtually define marriage with perseverance or the maintenance of a long-term relationship. When you divorce your spouse, you have no idea what the future hold for him or her. If you're reading this after you've gone through a divorce, you serve no one, least of all God, by becoming fixated on something you can't now undo. That's what forgiveness and grace are for, a fresh start, a new beginning. By remaining faithful in the midst of unfaithfulness (being divorced), her eyes were opened to God's presence in a new way. By remaining faithful to an unfaithful husband, she demonstrated the truth of a God who remains faithful to an unfaithful people (like us). This tendency to avoid difficulty is a grave spiritual failing that can and often does keep us in Christian infancy. Strength comes from facing the struggle head-on, not when we run from it. A good marriage is not something you find, it's something you work for. Marriage can never remove the trials. But even difficult marriages to difficult men can give women the strength to become the people God created them to be. The opposite of biblical love isn't hate, it's apathy. Many men don't realize the damage they do simply by remaining silent. These are not profiles in courage; they are monuments of male shame. Marriage presumes the gift of self. The absence of conflict demonstrates that either the relationship isn't important enough to fight over or that both individuals are too insecure to risk disagreement. Glossing over disagreements and sinful attitudes and behaviors isn't fellowship; it's polite pretending. I believe one of marriage's primary purposes is to teach us how to forgive. Forgiveness is so unnatural an act that it takes practice to perfect. In an arranged marriage, sex is something he expects to receive, not something he plans to give. Marriage creates a situation in which our desire to be served and coddled can be replaced with a more noble desire to serve others. The vast majority of people do not enter marriage with a view to becoming a servant. God is always worthy of being obeyed, and God calls me to serve my spouse. Most of us are introduced to sex in shameful ways. Sex cannot pay spiritual dividends if its currency is shrouded in unfounded and illegitimate guilt. Marriage provides a context that encourages spiritual growth by moving us to value character, virtue, and godliness over against an idealized physical form. A godly marriage shapes our view of beauty to focus on internal qualities. Continuing to give your body to your spouse even when you believe it constitutes damaged goods can be tremendously rewarding spiritually. Sex may be God's way of calling us to connect with each other. We can learn to use the sex drive to groom our character. Communication calls us our of ourselves. Becoming a more mature person is just as honoring to God as is doing the right things.
    • 5/5
      Excellent, excellent book!
    • 4/5
      There are tons of books out there on how to improve your marriage. It seems that no matter how many tomes are written on love-languages and conflict resolution and communication, no matter how many idealized visions of marriage are put to paper, Christian marriages still struggle. Sometimes there are things about your marriage and spouse that just aren't going to change — at least not in the foreseeable future. What then? Do we just put our heads down and grind away at just staying together? Or is there something higher we can find even in the day-to-day challenges and struggles? The premise of Gary Thomas's Sacred Marriage is God has designed our marriage relationships — good or bad, happy or hard — as a unique instrument to draw us closer to Himself. The subtitle asks this provocative question: what if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy? Seen in this light, marriage becomes less about romance and personal fulfillment. Instead it takes on a deeper meaning, as one of the most sanctifying and God-glorifying tools that He uses to make us more like Christ. This is wonderfully freeing because it shows us marriage is not an end in itself. It has a purpose outside of our own personal fulfillment and pleasure, a purpose that is both eternal and immediate. The truth is, in marriage we don't get to hide. The other person gets to see it all — the good, the bad, and the ugly. Since our sin thrives in secrecy and darkness, exposure is uncomfortable but ultimately essential if we are to change. Thomas's spin as an author seems to be meshing the Christian tradition, Scripture, and our modern experience to intersect with the issues we face every day. In this book he talks a lot about how historical Christianity has largely failed in its view of marriage, traditionally seeing marriage as lesser than God intended and married people as second-class Christians. One notable exception was a sixteenth-century bishop, Frances de Sales, who viewed marriage as a desirable state for spiritual growth. Thomas quotes many of de Sales's letters to people who were dealing with difficult marriages, and those snippets are both fascinating and practical today. My marriage is very blessed. I have a godly husband who is striving to become more like Christ daily, and who works hard to lead our family. But Thomas's exhortations to those in difficult marriages are still applicable to those in easier circumstances, because no marriage is perfect and we all have moments of disappointment, conflict, and pain. It is helpful in difficult times to look beyond the immediate way in which my needs aren't being met and ask what God wants me to learn from the experience, how I can use this to become more like Christ. It isn't always easy to do this, but it becomes easier with practice. It gives such hope... because a painful marital situation may be God's most effective tool for sanctification. I would recommend this book to married Christians, especially those struggling with difficult circumstances in their marriages. God may not lift that burden, but it is only because He wants to give you something better: holiness and fellowship with His Son. You will be comforted, rejoiced, and encouraged by that to the extent that you value Christ. To sum up, marriage has the potential to draw us closer to God through Christ — and that is why it is sacred.
    • 4/5
      Thomas addresses the interdependence of one's relationship with God and the marriage relationship in this volume. He advocates that couples should be pointing each other in the direction of God as their relationship grows. He makes a lot of good points. The biggest problem with the book lies in the mechanics of writing. Thomas sometimes tries to make a story a point rather than an illustration for a point, particularly in the first portion of the book. The book has several grammatical problems which I found distracting. These should have been addressed in the editorial process. While the focuses are slightly different, I really preferred Timothy Keller's The Meaning of Marriage to this one. That is not to say that I did not benefit from Thomas' thoughts and views on the matter. In fact, I downloaded a NetGalley copy of the author's A Lifelong Love as I was reading this volume.
    • 2/5
      Besides the overall mysticism found throughout this book, I found Thomas' major premise lacking biblical support.Genesis 2:18 states, "And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him."Certainly a man and wife might be more holy because of the influence and support of their spouse, but to say this is the primary purpose of marriage is an overreaching and non sustained argument on Thomas' part.Not to say there are not some valuable helps in the book, but there are better books available more worthy of our time and meditations.
    • 5/5
      I'm never sure what I'll get when I pick up a Christian book on marriage; some can be gimmicky or cliched or simply tiresome. But there are definitely some gems out there, and I count [book: Sacred Marriage] among them.

      Instead of asking how spirituality shapes married life, Gary Thomas asks how marriage can shape our spirituality. This is the very question I have been pondering since I began thinking about marriage as a form of radical discipleship. Thomas considers what it means to say that marriage is more about our sanctification than our happiness; how marriage exposes our sin, teaches us servanthood and forgiveness, and schools us in perseverance; and above all how Christian marriages should strive to testify to the faithfulness of God.

      His prose doesn't sweep you off your feet like Mike Mason's does in [book: The Mystery of Marriage: Meditations on the Miracle]. It's just consistent, humble, and wise. The book as a whole I found refreshing, sobering, and encouraging. I have added it to the list of resources that I hope my fiance and I will treasure and return to in the course of our marriage.
    • 3/5
      There was quite a bit of good material in the book. However, the author's continued focus on mystical / contemplative Christianity was a somewhat large distraction for me.
    • 5/5
      This is another great book by Gary Thomas. I recently finished Sacred Parenting and the Sacred Parenting bible study. I read this book in preperation for the bible study that goes with it. After finishing this book I am all the more eager to do the bible study at church! Gary Thomas does an excellent job of addressing the issue of marriage from a very practical and biblical point. It is easy to relate to the illustrations. This book is not a "how to" book on marriage but rather a book that points to the fact that marriage is designed by God and is essentially for God and the deepening of a relationship with God. As this personal relationship deepens so does the marriage and it also is fortified and strengthened by this personal relationship. God is a God of love and that is what marriage is all about. To better understand this one must seek out God on a personal level. This book is an excellent book to be read with your spouse, however, it is also worth reading even if your spouse does not wish to read it with you. Be challenged to apply God's word to your every day life.Thank you Zondervan for providing this review copy.
    • 4/5
      Originally I was hesitant to buy this book; I am not a fan of "self-help" books, but it isn't one. It's a treatment on the role of marriage in relationship to God and man. I read this before getting married, and frankly, it has helped us move beyond ourselves and grow closer to each other. I would recommend reading this before marriage; it will prepare you for issues. As someone else stated, the writing is a little light at times, but overall his insights are somewhat refreshing.
    • 5/5
      The subtitle is a good summary of the book. Despite traditions that say a person is more holy by remaining celibate and single, the author points out how the marriage relationship can be a training ground for becoming all that God wants us to be. For a society where marriage is no longer sacred and where Christians also seem to be giving up too easily, the author calls us to commitment. The book is full of great illustrations from history and individuals who the author counseled.Each chapter is on a different attribute that should be learned in marriage: forgiveness, service, prayer, love, perseverance, respect, etc. There is a chapter on sexual intimacy and one of balancing family responsibilities with our mission for God which is very appropriate for ministers.A great resource to have before teaching or preaching on marriage, doing any marital counseling, and just for your own marriage.
    • 3/5
      My wife and I haven't finished this yet, but for the most part we've enjoyed the book. It's a bit light, but makes enough useful points to be worth reading.
    • 4/5
      Brutally honest. Unlike any other marriage book I've ever read. Not a step-by-step, thank God!
    • 3/5
      The title of this book is a very good summary of its contents. That premise is a good one and is well worth considering. We often think of marriage in terms of what can we get from it or in terms of meeting our needs. Thomas turns that on its head and proposes that marriage should instead be about what God and the world can get out of a marriage. That is a refreshing and healthy perspective. The problem for me was that the book is rather dry and the examples did not really relate to me. I would recommend this book to anyone looking for a fresh perspective on marriage, but it will take some perseverance to finish it.
    • 4/5
      There are tons of books out there on how to improve your marriage. It seems that no matter how many tomes are written on love-languages and conflict resolution and communication, no matter how many idealized visions of marriage are put to paper, Christian marriages still struggle. Sometimes there are things about your marriage and spouse that just aren't going to change — at least not in the foreseeable future. What then? Do we just put our heads down and grind away at just staying together? Or is there something higher we can find even in the day-to-day challenges and struggles? The premise of Gary Thomas's Sacred Marriage is God has designed our marriage relationships — good or bad, happy or hard — as a unique instrument to draw us closer to Himself. The subtitle asks this provocative question: what if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy? Seen in this light, marriage becomes less about romance and personal fulfillment. Instead it takes on a deeper meaning, as one of the most sanctifying and God-glorifying tools that He uses to make us more like Christ. This is wonderfully freeing because it shows us marriage is not an end in itself. It has a purpose outside of our own personal fulfillment and pleasure, a purpose that is both eternal and immediate. The truth is, in marriage we don't get to hide. The other person gets to see it all — the good, the bad, and the ugly. Since our sin thrives in secrecy and darkness, exposure is uncomfortable but ultimately essential if we are to change. Thomas's spin as an author seems to be meshing the Christian tradition, Scripture, and our modern experience to intersect with the issues we face every day. In this book he talks a lot about how historical Christianity has largely failed in its view of marriage, traditionally seeing marriage as lesser than God intended and married people as second-class Christians. One notable exception was a sixteenth-century bishop, Frances de Sales, who viewed marriage as a desirable state for spiritual growth. Thomas quotes many of de Sales's letters to people who were dealing with difficult marriages, and those snippets are both fascinating and practical today. My marriage is very blessed. I have a godly husband who is striving to become more like Christ daily, and who works hard to lead our family. But Thomas's exhortations to those in difficult marriages are still applicable to those in easier circumstances, because no marriage is perfect and we all have moments of disappointment, conflict, and pain. It is helpful in difficult times to look beyond the immediate way in which my needs aren't being met and ask what God wants me to learn from the experience, how I can use this to become more like Christ. It isn't always easy to do this, but it becomes easier with practice. It gives such hope... because a painful marital situation may be God's most effective tool for sanctification. I would recommend this book to married Christians, especially those struggling with difficult circumstances in their marriages. God may not lift that burden, but it is only because He wants to give you something better: holiness and fellowship with His Son. You will be comforted, rejoiced, and encouraged by that to the extent that you value Christ. To sum up, marriage has the potential to draw us closer to God through Christ — and that is why it is sacred.

    Book preview

    Sacred Marriage Bible Study Participant's Guide - Gary Thomas

    A WORD FROM GARY THOMAS

    In one of the sessions in this study, you’ll hear me recount a time when my wife and I began a vacation with radically different agendas. Neither one of us was very happy with the resulting compromise; I didn’t get near the amount of rest and recovery I was hoping for, and Lisa didn’t get to see half the places she wanted to see, but you know what?

    Maybe God’s agenda wasn’t for me to get all the rest I thought I needed, or for my wife to get all the excitement she desired. Maybe God wanted to confront the pride that rules both our hearts; he may well have been far more interested in both of us being shaped into the image of Christ than in having our immediate perceived needs met. Scripture teaches us that our goal should be to do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus (Philippians 2:3 – 5).

    In this passage Paul tells us that selfishness can’t be managed, it needs to be crucified, and that Christlikeness is one of the goals of our journey together. A needs-based approach to marriage will usually spawn resentment, frustration, bitterness, and alienation when we discover the other person can’t truly meet our needs as we would like them to. But if we’re looking for something else in our marriage — spiritual growth, a place to learn how to love, an opportunity to have our sin revealed so that it can be confessed, repented of, and discarded — then we’ll value even the frustrating aspects of this intense relationship.

    I’ve found that many couples think they resent each other, when in fact what they really resent is marriage — which I believe God specifically designed to pinch our feet. The lifelong relationship between a man and a woman is tailor-made by our Creator to teach us about selflessness, forgiveness, perseverance, humility, and many other necessary virtues. We may not initially get married in pursuit of such character transformation, but when we begin to embrace marriage as the threshold to spiritual growth, many good things will result. It’s not until we crucify our pride and take on the same attitude as that of Christ Jesus that we can participate in marriage as God designed it — as a human relationship between two sinners in which our Redeemer hopes to fashion two saints.

    It’s my belief that for too long, the Christian church has adopted a monastic model of spirituality that is all but blind to the powerfully soul-transforming aspects of married and family life. My prayer is that this study will help you view your marriage through an entirely new prism: a way to worship God, your heavenly Father-in-Law (you’ll learn about that in session three), and a path through which he can shape you into a man or woman who more closely resembles Jesus Christ.

    OF NOTE

    Quotations interspersed throughout each session of this participant’s guide are excerpts from the book Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas (Zondervan, 2000).

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