The Conspiracy Theory Diet

The Conspiracy Theory Diet

A Caelo Usque Ad Centrum

© 2015 Scott W. Webb

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ISBN: 978-1-68212-109-2

Also available in trade paperback

(ISBN: 978-1-68212-108-5)

Cover design by GoodFauzan

Layout by Lighthouse24

www.colonicexpert.com

The Conspiracy Theory Diet

Table of Contents

Copyright Page

Title Page

Prologue

Introduction

PART ONE: LONG POTATO

1. Vaut mieux prévenir que guérir

2. The Inside Poop

3. The Terrible Odds

4. Health Geometrics

5. Shifts in the GNP

6. You Are a Pin on a Map

7. You Say Potato

8. I Say Potato

9. Who is Paying Attention?

10. Let’s Call the Whole Thing Off

11. How Do You Spell Parallel?

12. Putting Your Money Where Your Mouth Is

13. It’s Weird

13. Somebody Snuck into my Computer

14. We Called It Off

15. The Rise of the MBA Graduate

16. What’s an Ingredient?

17. Two Chemtrail Points

PART TWO: BIG PHARMA

18. Conspiracy Theorist: Stephen Fried

19. Caveat Emptor

20. Call the Police!

21. Bitter Pill

PART THREE: LIVER LARGE

22. The Dying Liver

23. Statistical Indicators

24. It’s the Bile

25. The Bile is Acting Suspicious

26. Osteospiracy

PART FOUR: XTRA BIOTIC

27. Antibiotic PR

28. Survey Says

29. Diverticular Disease and Antibiotic PR

30. Systemic Prescriptions

31. Yeast Syndrome Denial

32. What Now?

33. Who Gets the Blame?

34. The Canary in the Coal Mine?

35. Why Stop There?

36. Sugar Blues

37. Red Bull in the Kitchen with the Cleaver

38. Comparative Medical Costs

39. Cuss it Out

40. Orville Poppycocker

PART FIVE: UPWARD TRENDS

41. Trends

42. Your Opinion Factors

43. You Must Always Be Right

44. Changing Your Mind

45. Longevity

46. You Can’t Fake Apples

47. You Can Fake Apples

PART SIX: GROWING IN WELLNESS

48. How to be Completely Well

49. 100% Arabica

50. Day 31

51. Presuppositions

52. There’s Bad S#@# in the Water

53. Bitter, Bitter Pill

54. Put the Lime in the Coconut

55. BPA-Free Plastic is Safe

56. De-bunking the Whole Thing

57. Corporations Care

58. Salads Are an Healthy Alternative

59. Dietary Guidelines Related to Calories and Fats

60. Skinny on Fat

61. Sugar is Evil

62. Conventional is Exactly Like Organic

63. The Body Adapts to Chemical Poisons

PART SEVEN: GROWING IN PERSPECTIVE

64. Antibiotics are the Miracle Drug

65. Battle Against the Willing

66. Spinal Subluxations

67. Touch

68. Too Much Acid

69. This Will Be Hard to Swallow

70. Conspiracy by Milkshake

71. You Could Be Next

72. Buzz Stimulator

73. Not So Much of a Paragraph

74. You Didn’t Do It

75. Your Strategy

76. Form a Plan

77. The Green Smoothie

78. The Therapy You Need

79. Keeping Up With Your Blood

80. Your Mother Was Right About This

81. Stick Figure Theory

82. This Happens Every Day

83. You’re as Clueless as the Next

84. Universal Law

85. Diseases of Affluence

86. Another Disease of Affluence

87. People With Private Jets

88. Maybe I am the Conspiracy

89. The Natural

90. More on Shrimp from the Gulf

91. Diseases of Poverty

92. Following up with Your Dermatologist

93. Forget About the Amish

94. Your Body, the Monkey’s Cage

95. Homemade is Better

96. Bucking the System

97. This Will Never Happen

98. Silent Spring

99. Roaming Around the Cabin

100. Tale of Two Clients

101. In The Future

102. GMO

103. Who Stole My Cheese?

PART EIGHT: BETTER DIET

104. Challenge in Bits

105. More on Blood Work

106. I Don’t Care What You Do

PART NINE: MISCELLANEOUS STUFF

107. Archaea

108. / Deprogramming \

109. Jesus Freaks

110. He Got a Phone Call

111. Stuff Which Sticks in the Colon

112. Starbucks Did It in the Bathroom with a Bag

113. Osmosis and Your Toeses

114. Cleansing to Age 100

115. Reaching the Outer Limits

116. My Brain Hurts

117. Fluoroquinolone

118. The Ginger Pack

PART TEN: SPIRALS

119. Downward Spirals

120. Downward Spiral Tails

121. Another Tail

122. More Tails

123. Upward Spirals

124. Tree Rings

125. Corollaries to Capillaries

PART ELEVEN: THIS ONE GOES TO 11

126. The Oxymoron of Loyal Slaves

127. Your Last Stand

128. Poop Stinks

129. Modern Convenience

130. Chlorpropham Revisited

Epilogue: Spit It Out

AUTHOR BIO

Disclaimer

The Conspiracy Theory Diet

Prologue

"The information age continues to devolve. We're entering an era when disinformation prevails over misinformation as a source of information."

Marilyn vos Savant

I can’t tell you the number of people who have told me that they eat a healthy diet. And, you know, that’s not going to cut it. That’s not going to make anybody healthy. Not today. Maybe forty, fifty years ago, but not now.

Those happy days are gone.

The problem is that the internal organs of most Americans have been beaten to hell. And in that case, a poor diet today will make a person increasingly unhealthy. I realize that I just said that a healthy diet won’t make anybody healthy, and that a poor diet will contribute to ill health, which makes no sense.

But that’s the nature of conspiracy. You’ve got to get beneath the surface for anything to make sense.

— ∆ —

The Conspiracy Theory Diet

Introduction

I was sharing with a client some details surrounding the controversy of Napoleon Bonapart’s death in 1821. This conspiracy concerns whether he died from natural causes at age 51 or whether he was poisoned, resulting from a secret murder plot commissioned by the French royal family, the Bourbons.

The controversy itself did not stir until 140 years later.

My client showed little curiosity about Napoleon. To her, whatever way he had died was not directly tied to her, so it did not matter. I suggested that what happened to Napoleon does matter. Because we have no emotional attachment to the issue, we can examine his possible murder, and the investigation into it, as a good example of any topic treated by the authorities as conspiracy theory.

Questions include, How do things get done at the highest levels? And, Are important societal issues sometimes denied and hidden, exposed, then denied again, like from you and me today?

People can become experts on niche topics, I continued to my client, who was at my office for her weekly colonic treatment. During our sessions, we shared whatever topic was of interest to either of us, and now I held the floor.

A dentist and toxicologist in Sweden during the 1950s, named Sten Forshufvud, was also a Napoleonic expert. He had some doubts about Napoleon’s official cause of death, based on the descriptions of his illness’s symptoms. In 1955, the diary of Napoleon’s personal valet was released for the first time, providing Sten with new and deeper insights. From the documented evidence, he determined that Napoleon was murdered from arsenic poisoning, which when administered in small doses, was impossible to detect.

Like when France had exhumed Napoleon’s body in 1840, his corpse had not deteriorated after almost twenty years in the grave. His skin appeared soft and supple, which is indicative of a death from arsenic poisoning.

Sten discovers that there is a lab test recently developed which can detect arsenic in hair. He realizes that he can now prove his theory. This is because after Napoleon’s death, his hair had been sheared. Locks of it were given to his friends and then saved and passed down.

Sten’s who-done-it mystery is suddenly verifiable in real time.

So he goes to the French authorities with his theory in 1956, asking them for samples of Napoleon’s hair to prove it, expecting them to be as excited as he was. Instead, they tell him that ‘he is over his head’ and to stop ‘his nonsense.’ But Sten persists and tracks down an individual with a lock of Napoleon’s hair, who agrees to have it tested. Sure enough, it’s abnormally high in arsenic.

The official response to this test result was that people during the 1800s were exposed more to arsenic than in modern times.

An improved test for arsenic poisoning is invented in 1960. Sten needs more hair to test, but now nobody will give him any. Sten has gotten himself pegged as a radical. People are backing away, mysterious phone calls in the night, that sort of thing.

So I suggested to my client, that if governments might be hiding something across many generations, cloaked behind the statement, "That’s absurd, then one can only imagine what a nation (or corporation) will do to protect its reputation when the conspiracy is relatively recent, like within twenty or fifty years. You know, I said, There’s a lot of conspiracy theory out there."

My client nodded in appreciation.

"Sten publishes an article in Nature magazine in 1961 and other people came forward with locks of hair, I explained. The latest method of arsenic testing revealed 40 separate poisonings of Bonaparte, every two weeks, at one hundred times the normal arsenic level at the highest peaks, up, down, up, down the hair, just like that."

Both England and France had feared Napoleon’s escape from exile and an uprising of the public and military, which France had already seen in the French Revolution. America had succeeded in its revolution, so it was very touchy, that is, the treatment of Napoleon. He was like an imprisoned George Washington to the French citizens, but a scoundrel to the Bourbon family. The royals didn’t want to create a martyr, you know, if Napoleon was murdered.

A dying Napoleon.

"What’s bizarre is that the French authorities during the 1960s would not admit to the possibility that Napoleon was poisoned. The government conducted their own tests on his hair as recently as 2008 to stop further speculation."

I pulled-up Wikipedia on my phone and read to my client the current entry about Napoleon’s death:

In a 2008 study, researchers analyzed samples of Napoleon’s hair … and the high arsenic concentration in his hair was not caused by intentional poisoning … Studies published in 2007 and 2008 dismissed evidence of arsenic poisoning, and confirmed evidence of peptic ulcer and gastric cancer as the cause of death.

Why this? I asked her, After almost two hundred years? And whom will the world believe now as a matter for the history books? The French government or a lone Swedish dentist?

This is a perfect case study, I suggested. Because there’s a method to the madness.

— ∆ —

The Conspiracy Theory Diet

Part One

LONG POTATO

Conspiracy Theory #1

Vaut mieux prévenir que guérir

An Ounce of Prevention

What do the officials label a guy like Sten? A conspiracy theorist. This is because the human mind tends to shut-down upon hearing the word conspiracy applied to any discussion.

It would not create the same effect to refer to an inquisitive individual as a plausibility theorist.

Like anybody could venture to ask today, Is the American public being quietly poisoned by their food? Are there symptoms of this, expressed beneath the normal veneer of everyday conversation and paradigm? To get to the bottom of it, this may require analysis by somebody from outside the system, who may very likely, then, be pegged as a conspiracy theorist by the same system in question.

Documentary movies are made like Super Size Me, Forks Over Knives, Fed Up, Food, Inc., or Sicko, and the general public just keeps perpetuating the lie anyway, participating right along with it. In other words, conspiracy has a powerful blinding effect. Like those selling the cure by the pound would never suggest that it can be had by the ounce.

— ∆ —

Conspiracy Theory #2

The Inside Poop

My unique gift in the area of diet and health was to accidentally become a colon hygienist and to see what comes out from the back-end of dietary and other habits. It radically changed the way I myself chose foods. It gave me a head start, while the least maddening thing I can do now is to transfer my learning.

This includes the nitty and the gritty.

Sometimes colon hygiene gets confused with a medical treatment called the colonoscopy. There is nothing in common between the two. The colonoscopy has been labeled as prevention, while it ain’t that. The colonoscopy procedure is invasive on the digestive tract such that the patient is anesthetized, costing thousands of dollars. A colonic on the other hand, is just a flushing of the back-end using water and not excruciating nor terribly costly.

People assume that it must be fascinating for the doctor to gaze inside the colon with a camera. As a colon hygienist, I observe a totally different vista, the poop itself. And, the person coming to see me usually informs me of their every malady, medical treatment, medication, and their diet. It is difficult to conceive how unique each person can be when it comes to their poop: varying shades, textures, and rhythms of peristalsis.

The puzzle presented in my work is nothing like what a colonoscopy addresses. In my opinion, the doctors are discarding the most valuable piece of evidence, the poop, then snapping still-life photos of the crime scene.

Cleansing the colon has given me an unusual window from which to view the function of the human body. The colon is the final staging ground of a complex digestive process involving hundreds of metabolic activities, including the critical role in which microscopic flora play in health. I can fairly accurately determine the functional level of a client’s small intestine, liver, and the lymph system, plus how a person chews their food, based on what I see. Sometimes the feces emits bubbles like champagne and that’s an indicator, too.

People often come to me as their last resort, after seeing multiple doctors and sometimes alternative practitioners. They tell me their every diagnosis. I tell them, Little of that is relevant to what I do. Then, I observe their poop.

One woman in her early thirties came to me in desperation complaining of a wide variety of ill symptoms, which doctors could not