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The Heroin Addict's Daughter: Thoughts on Thriving and Recovering from my Father's Addiction
De Allia Burch
Actions du livre
Commencer à lire- Éditeur:
- Bright Street Books
- Sortie:
- May 15, 2014
- ISBN:
- 9780984292691
- Format:
- Livre
Description
Growing up in a middle class home, my father's heroin addiction was the thing no one mentioned. We lived in denial and secrecy. Years later I set out to understand my behavior as an adult child of an addict.
If you're an adult child of a drug addicted parent, wondering if you can get clear of the pain of your addicted family? It will take time to move through the pain and shame, but it can be done. I'm a woman who grew up in an addicted family. I don't have all the answers, but understanding myself and my behavior helped me. Maybe it will help you as well.
Allia Burch (pseudonym) is a writer who lives in the Northeastern U.S.
Informations sur le livre
The Heroin Addict's Daughter: Thoughts on Thriving and Recovering from my Father's Addiction
De Allia Burch
Description
Growing up in a middle class home, my father's heroin addiction was the thing no one mentioned. We lived in denial and secrecy. Years later I set out to understand my behavior as an adult child of an addict.
If you're an adult child of a drug addicted parent, wondering if you can get clear of the pain of your addicted family? It will take time to move through the pain and shame, but it can be done. I'm a woman who grew up in an addicted family. I don't have all the answers, but understanding myself and my behavior helped me. Maybe it will help you as well.
Allia Burch (pseudonym) is a writer who lives in the Northeastern U.S.
- Éditeur:
- Bright Street Books
- Sortie:
- May 15, 2014
- ISBN:
- 9780984292691
- Format:
- Livre
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The Heroin Addict's Daughter - Allia Burch
Introduction
When I was growing up there was an old saying, children should be seen and not heard.
It meant that children should be quiet and stay out of the way of the adults. That went with the common belief in those days that children wouldn't be affected by what was going on around them. We were supposed to be too young to understand it.
I remember once when my family and I were given a ride home from someone's house. For some reason that I can't remember, the adults were dropped off and I was taken on to my home. As soon as my family left the car, the couple who had given us the ride began to shout at each other. They felt it was okay to pretend to get along in front of the adults, but showing their true feelings for each other in front of a child was no problem at all. I learned very early in life that there is a difference between how people appear to be and who they really are.
Ever wonder why you behave the way you do? Wish you could free yourself from the self-destruction, the blame, the shame? I did. That's why I wrote this. My father was a heroin addict, and I grew up in a drug-addicted family. We pretended to be normal and middle class. We were good at pretending. But everyone in the family knew. They just never said anything.
It takes a lot of energy to pretend. In order to survive the chaos and the pain, you'll do anything. But the behaviors you take on so that you can survive, can also destroy you. After you've grown up, you still carry those survival behavior traits with you. You live them every day. The problem is that they don't fit into everyday life when you're in the normal
world.
After years of trying to figure it out—sometimes with the help of therapy—I finally understood why I behaved the way I did. Unfortunately, though I wasn't living in a drug-addicted home, my behaviors were still the same.
I was stuck in old patterns and habits. That's what you have to free yourself from. You'll keep repeating the same things over and over. You'll seek out partners who will recreate your childhood experiences. You'll go into environments where you can be reminded of the hell you lived through. And none of that will help you to live a healthy life.
Why do we keep repeating the past? Because it's familiar. It's comfortable. We know how to deal with the chaos. If it doesn't exist in our lives, we'll find a way to create it. That's how we stay stuck repeating old childhood experiences.
There are a lot of similarities with alcoholic homes. Years ago when I looked for information to understand my situation, I didn't find a lot about adult children of addicts. Instead I read a couple of books about children of alcoholics. There are similarities, but the drug addiction adds another level.
While it's accepted for people to drink too much at parties or celebrations, being a drug addict is a whole other thing. For obvious reasons, in our society it's looked at differently. Alcohol is legal, so are prescription drugs. The illegalities aside, certain kinds of addictions are looked at as horrible, while others are given a pass. Think about it. If you hear about a crime that's drug related, what thoughts go through your mind? Who do you picture as the perpetrators?
If someone abuses prescription drugs, do you think of them as an addict? If someone has too much to drink (or is known to have a drinking problem
) would you call them an alcoholic?
Would you have more sympathy for someone addicted to opiates than you would for someone using a street drug?
Our culture demonizes some addictions, while showing understanding to others. Or perhaps what's really being judged is the addict themselves.
Not to say one type of addiction is better or worse than another. But you can rationalize a lot of things. If you think addiction only happens to those people
who are poorer, less educated or different than you; it's easy to pretend you don't have a problem.
If you're not ready to confront the truth, nothing will change. A big part of addiction is deception. Addicts will lie and deceive to continue to perpetuate their addiction. And often the people around them will rationalize and pretend nothing is going on. If by chance you're still in that cycle, it's time to come clean. It's ugly and painful to see it for what it is. But it's the only way to get through it.
Each section in this book describes a situation or an emotion that relates to my experience. Especially if you
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