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    How To Fall Out Of Love Workbook
    How To Fall Out Of Love Workbook
    How To Fall Out Of Love Workbook
    Ebook57 pages49 minutes

    How To Fall Out Of Love Workbook

    By Kosjenka Muk

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    About this ebook

    A normal attitude of a child towards parents is to take the parents for granted – unless parents threaten to leave (or actually leave, because of divorce, illness or similar). An emotionally childish person will act in the same way towards an intimate partner.

    A childish partner might expect you to behave like a perfect, idealized parent – to fulfill and even anticipate anything they might desire, while allowing them to do whatever they want regardless of your own desires and needs.

    In the same time, they might vent at you all the anger and resentment they felt for their own parents, but didn’t feel safe to express to them. (It’s quite common to express our unresolved emotions from past towards people we feel safest with. Sometimes the target becomes the intimate partner – sometimes one’s own children.)

    If you allow somebody to treat you as described above, you were probably raised not to trust yourself too much. Perhaps you were a child of an irresponsible person, so it became normal for you to take more responsibility than would normally belong to you. Or you grew up in a very healthy family and had so little experience with unreasonable people that you cannot imagine somebody who would behave in such selfish ways without a good reason.

    This book is for those of you who already tried your best many times and were met with pain and disappointment. This is a book for those who know in their hearts that their current relationships are not healthy for them, but still feel bonded. We will explore where your attraction and your bonds come from, how to resolve them and how to support yourself through the crisis of separation.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherKosjenka Muk
    Release dateMar 15, 2016
    ISBN9781311192028
    How To Fall Out Of Love Workbook
    Author

    Kosjenka Muk

    Kosjenka (pronounced Kos-yen-ka) Muk is a special education teacher and Integrative Systemic Coaching trainer from Croatia, EU. Her curiosity for and exploration of human psychology and potential started at age 15, and ever since she used every opportunity to expand her knowledge. Since 2003, she coaches individuals and couples, as well as teaching her workshops on topics of self-esteem, happy partnership, verbal self-defense and others. She also has wide experience working online with clients from over 20 countries worldwide. As a trainer of Integrative Systemic Coaching method, her teaching experience includes 8 European countries, as well as Canada, USA (Hawaii), and Mexico. While she loves to travel, she also enjoys living in nature and tries, with variable success, to grow all kinds of unusual plants in her garden and crack more or less spontaneous jokes. You can read many of her articles on http://iscmentoring.eu/km/articles/, or, if you enjoy thoughtful conversation, join Integrative Systemic Coaching Facebook group.

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      Book preview

      How To Fall Out Of Love Workbook - Kosjenka Muk

      Introduction

      If you want to fall out of love with somebody, you are already aware of either mutual incompatibility, or, more likely, of the other person's toxic behavior that causes you pain. Incompatibility can often be resolved (or the relationship peacefully ended) if people are otherwise motivated, considerate and mature; toxic behavior usually persists no matter how much you might hope otherwise.

      There is no other adult relationship in which the depth and strength of our needs, imprints and beliefs from childhood become so obvious and so strong, so persistent and so overwhelming, so resistant to both willpower and rational point of view.

      The explanation is in understanding that a big part of what we call loving feelings is nothing but surfacing of the deepest, earliest memories which are the foundation of unresolved inner conflicts. We go through our lives constantly seeking for resolution of those conflicts, even if unconsciously.

      Perhaps you will recognize that there are particular types of personality and behavior that you feel attracted to, even if they are problematic. Perhaps outer circumstances and behavior will not be obviously similar among your different partners through life, but you can recognize the patterns repeating in the way you feel inside, and in the development of a relationship. Love relationships are the key triggers of our toxic patterns, as well as the most important opportunity for healing.

      This is not a book about fixing relationships. There are plenty of such books around. This book is for those of you who already tried your best many times and were met with pain and disappointment. This is a book for those who know in their hearts that their current relationships are not healthy for them, but still feel bonded. We will explore where your attraction and your bonds come from, how to resolve them and how to support yourself through the crisis of separation.

      Will (s)he ever change?

      Quite a few people in problematic relationships ask me this, hoping that I would give them encouraging answers. My job is then, usually, to gently put their feet back to the ground. While some people might earnestly attempt to change their toxic behavioral habits in moments of crisis, they will generally lose motivation as soon as the crisis is over. This explains typical behavior pattern of abusers: if their partners threaten to leave, they will suddenly appear to change: they will cry, apologize, show love and appreciation and promise to behave differently in future. Yet as soon as they feel the relationship is relatively stable again, they will fall back to abusive behavior.

      I think that one of our biological traits as living beings is laziness – or, at least, an urge to spend minimum energy possible whenever any kind of effort is required. That makes biological sense – most of our history was spent in continuous struggle to survive, when energy had to be used rationally. Biology will motivate us to

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