The Expat Method, Mastering Personal and Organizational Change

BIBLIOGRAPHY

INTRODUCTION

This book is an attempt to help individuals master personal and organizational change. My view is that people are not supported enough during change, and to paraphrase what John Kotter (Professor of Leadership at Harvard Business School) says about communication during change, they are not supported by a factor of 10. It is so natural to comfort a crying 4 year-old because of the discomfort of transition, yet it is inconceivable to do the same for adults. However, adults would gain so much, as would organizations, if they were supported: they would feel acknowledged, they could be more focused, collaborate better, trust each other, relate to one another, innovate and be proactive. My assumption is holistic: you can’t isolate the emotions from the performance, or the personal from the professional life: we are systems within systems within systems. We are so interdependent at so many levels that it is nearly inescapable to include who we are in everything we do, like the parent, the friend, the colleague, the brother, the daughter, the CEO, the golf player…I believe that when you give space to emotions, then performance appears. When you block emotions, you hinder performance by putting yourself in the way of success. It is simple but not easy or simplistic.

In my own experience as an expat, I went through a radical change when I moved from Brussels to New York with my family. As a coach, I could prepare us for it; my husband and I took coaching sessions as a couple to design the pillars of our system and feel strong through the waves of emotions. It was interesting to take the time to reflect on what makes us us, and I see how it can help organizations too, and especially teams. We also helped our children prepare for the move and take the time to say goodbye to their friends. Once in New York, I could listen to early signs of imbalance in me as well as in my family members, and act on them. What I did was work on myself first because we determined that I would be the rock of the family. So I sought help and kept my balance to help my husband and children.

After six months, I noticed that my young children were doing great, and I started to reflect on what we did well. I gathered my observations in the EXPAT METHOD. The techniques we were able to apply in our family are easily transposed to any organization, at home or at work. As I said, I truly believe that you can’t separate the two: when change occurs in one sphere, it affects the other. I like to connect both worlds, because your expertise at work can be of use at home, and vice versa. A person is a whole, and it is really hard to separate the wife from the businesswoman. In fact, it is even deleterious and sad. There are new trends that show how seeing a parent interacting with his/her child at work reduces the probability of being yelled at by colleagues¹. This is because when you witness the deep love of a parent, you see the person differently from when that same person is wearing the office mask. I will go from the personal to the professional quite often throughout the book, which is a simple way to help you where you are, and to remind you that when change occurs in one sphere, don’t forget to check the other.

When we talk about change we usually hear resistance: it has become a common barrier, ranging from confusion to inertia and sabotage. This does not mean that people are willfully resisting change, even though executives might believe it; it is more complex than that. Usually there are various factors that trigger resistance, like misunderstanding about the need for change, lack of communication, changes to routine and habits, not being consulted, bad timing, letting go of the familiar, unclear future, change overload or exhaustion. Just think of when you are exhausted after a hard day at work and your children or spouse asks you to build that new Ikea shelf: you might be overwhelmed by the mere idea of starting the project! Exhaustion is an underestimated factor that requires attention, time and space for those who are affected by it. Let’s just say that I’ve described the majority of people at work. Resistance to change would be easy to tackle if it was always conscious, so the question to ask excellent leaders is whether they are curious enough to understand the whole picture of what employees face during change. The more a leader can bring feelings to the surface, the better s/he will lead change. It is sometimes difficult to articulate discomfort or unease, but being supported by someone who truly listens to you with a strong desire to understand your experience creates a warm setting that encourages disclosure.

We live in a complex world often called VUCA: Volatile, Uncertain, Complex and Ambiguous. Change has become a constant, and what in the past took ten years to transition now takes only six months. Clients possess more information and power; competition is global and organizations are driven by metrics and profit. All in all there is no more place left for human beings in organizations: employees are often seen as robots forced to perform quickly by crunching quotas. When you know that 70% of all change initiatives fail (Harvard Business Review) you notice how important it is to help organizations master change. There are multiple reasons for this high percentage, ranging from a natural tendency for change programs to stray from their initial target, to poor leadership skills or an absence of employee involvement, to a lack of effective communication or a tendency to underestimate emotions. A survey of 1,500 change management executives conducted by IBM shows that the biggest barriers to success are classified as people factors: changing mindsets and attitudes 58%, corporate culture 49%, and lack of senior management support 32%². It seems that change becomes a key competitive advantage should you master it. My position is to do so by designing a simple method that pays attention to the people factors or soft skills.

What I’ve noticed as a coach participating in multiple change programs is the fear of providing space to communicate freely about emotions and of taking the time for everyone to clearly understand the scope of change. I’m always surprised by how shy executives are when tackling change: it is as if the more important the change is, the less space they leave for people to take it in. Programs are often top down, providing no support, implementing a strategy that separates people and disconnects all bonds.

You are about to discover the Expat Method that will guide you through any change. It reveals the five dimensions that will be affected by change. The idea is that the Expat Method works for people expatriating, which is an extreme type of change. So by applying the lessons learned from an expat, this method will help you build the life you want beyond the change you are going through. My purpose is to bring clarity in a situation that feels opaque. By being aware of the effect that change can have on you, you can adjust and learn the appropriate skills to adapt and find balance, fun and success.

The Expat Method, Mastering Personal and Organization Change aims to help you master change by focusing on both your personal and professional life. First, I want to share with you my story as an expat and what led me to write this book. This specific contextualization is followed by some stats on expatriation to help you understand the context in which expatriates live. In the third Chapter, you will discover the Expat Method and the five dimensions it covers:

1.Emotions: change always implies emotions, and the more space you give to them, the more they help with transition. Holding back emotions can lead to stress, burnout and illness. It can also be a strong distractor when individuals or employees are busier dealing with fear or anger than focusing on change.

2.Xpression: sharing information, expressing clear objectives, asking the right questions, and involving employees at all levels are essential to leading change efficiently. It is not only the content that is important, but also the form, and using positive words will facilitate buy-in.

3.Place: clarifying roles and redefining objectives creates an unequivocal structure that will sustain change. Change is inevitably linked to a shift of place. The more you provide information about where people stand, the more you neutralize the rise of informal roles.

4.Adaptation: change is intrinsically linked to adaptation. You need to know the core values you lean on, so that you can be open to the flexibility required during transition. Adaptation invites you to observe more and listen to your intuition.

5.Thinking: understanding the power of beliefs and using them to build a strong mindset is essential throughout change.

In each dimension, you will find signs of imbalance and change factors that can influence you during transition. This will help you be aware of the early signs that will help you stay balanced. There are also exercises that will help you grow and master change. In Chapter four, you will learn more about a change-ready culture that fosters efficient change projects. Chapter five is an invitation for you to take the plunge, take action and implement change in your own context.

Why the Expat Method Can Help With Change Management

When you know that change programs fail because they underestimate emotions, don’t provide space and support, and lack clear communication and objectives, you will understand that the Expat Method fills the gap by providing the right solutions through the five dimensions it covers. Each dimension is as essential to human beings as the heart is to the body. Exploring each dimension and applying its teachings will help both individuals and organizations increase their chances of success when leading change in their own context.

From my experience as a coach (and a mom), I noticed that each time I could acknowledge individual experiences and provide a safe space to deal with emotions, I witnessed a quick shift from resistance to action. Whether it was my children who were resisting an instruction or my clients who were confused, they each softened and changed their behavior willingly, allowing the goal to be achieved. When I am coaching clients through change, I usually start by tackling emotions and providing a place to acknowledge the old, in order to be open to the new. So far, it has worked well because it clears the way and helps clients at all levels engage in the process more openly.

I wish you the same success: I want you to have a safe space to soften your experience while navigating through change, and find the right resources for you in your specific context. You can use this book in different ways: sequentially or diagonally, by starting wherever feels good for you. Enjoy reading!

¹ Source: Reinventing Organization by Frederic Laloux

² Source: http://calleam.com/​WTPF​/?page_id​=1445

MY STORY AS AN EXPAT

"Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love."

Lao Tzu

I did it! I made my childhood dream come true by expatriating to New York: the city where everything is possible, the one place in the world where everyone is motivated to work, create or achieve. The energy is as high as the skyscrapers, and the pace is as intense as the bustling layout of the city. Everything is in your face; no perspective, just pure action and soaring expectations. It is at once international and strongly attached to the American nation. Everything here beats in time with my heart; this is my city. For me, you could say that New York is the stepping-stone to fulfillment.

It also has a very special place in my life. This city has been tied up with my family history since my dad was sent here for six years during the Second World War: him, his sister, mother, aunt and grandmother. My grandmother Francine (or Mimou, as I called her) had a Jewish family name, so her husband, Edward (who everyone knew as Jack), took the safe option and sent her where he knew she couldn’t get hurt. He was born in Belgium in 1898 to English parents, and he grew up to become a well-known doctor (although I didn’t know him so well!), who happened to work in the Resistance in London. As an Englishman, he couldn’t stay in Belgium during the war, so he couldn’t really take care of his wife and children. Instead, he did what he thought was best: he sent his family abroad without him. All I remember about him is that his discoveries were important in the fight against diabetes, that he changed his nationality to be Dean of the Université Libre de Bruxelles, and that he wasn’t much of a talker, but as my dad puts it, he had his way of making the things that mattered understood.

When I say that I remember…I mean, well, how could I? I was only one when he died. I only know what little my family told me about him. It was like a myth; I never quite understood what my dad meant by making the things that mattered understood, so I just kept dreaming about my English roots, my wonderful last name and my dad’s time during the war in Great Neck, Long Island. For six years, he lived a blissful life, playing games with a stick in the streets and running through the ponds around his house. He was free: they left him to his own devices and he could play with his friends whenever he liked. So, when his father arrived at the end of the war to gather the flock and go back to Belgium, neither his mom nor he were too happy about it. My dad realized later how angry he had been: he couldn’t understand why anyone would want to leave paradise and move to what felt like hell. Post-war Europe was not a pretty picture in his mind. The spirit of the States, the sports, and the freedom: that was what he loved. So when they finally all came back, my dad kept the American flame burning, and he has done ever since. Even now, at seventy-nine years old, he still starts his day by checking the baseball scores in the New York Times, which he has sent to him in Brussels. Since before I can remember, my dad has passively shared his passion for English and American culture with me, either by watching movies in English, by reading in English, or by sending me to summer camps in England. I’ve always been so proud of that heritage. In fact, it was surrounded by a halo of romanticism; not really knowing all the details of why my grandfather’s parents came to Belgium sparked my imagination, and I felt important. I imagined his parents, both bright and kind people, finding solace and happiness in beautiful 1890s Brussels. It was the period when Victor Horta and Arthur Vandevelde built their most beautiful Art Nouveau buildings around the city, like the Maison du Peuple, which opened in 1899.

When I did find out why they expatriated, I was even prouder. As bankers, Brussels was THE place to live in the 1890s: it was the world’s leading city. Its booming steel industry during the second industrial revolution fed the appetite for steel as railroads grew around the world. Much later, I even learned, in a rather embarrassing way, that my grandfather and his parents lived in a well-known street in Brussels called Rue Royale, close to the Royal Palace and the Royal Park. How could I not dream big after linking my ancestors to royalty? I know: they just lived there, they weren’t royals, but in my mind, they had to be of high descent to move there, a bit like knights or kings exploring the world. What’s more, the desire to move away from something opens up a lot of questions that I hadn’t really explored, because I was too busy dreaming about an Englishman in Brussels. Now that I think about it, I don’t know much, but I gather that it was necessity that drove those kind and loving parents to move to Brussels, where the money was. Still, since I can’t offer any real answers on that one, I’ll leave it there. This is a good example of the British tradition of not talking about anything, especially not about our heritage. This is the living proof that my grandfather really wasn’t a talker. Neither, for that matter, were my grandmother and my dad. And I must admit, I inherited that approach of avoiding certain topics out of politeness and self-restraint. In a way, cultural heritage also flows in the veins. But that is another matter.

I would still dream about my grandfather after I started University. I remember that embarrassing moment when, ready for my oral exam in Internal Communication in Organizations, I stepped into a room filled with five other students, sweating as they prepared answers to their questions. As I walked towards the teacher, she asked my name and I blurted out Sara Bigwood. To my surprise, she looked up with a bright smile and started telling me, with great gusto, that she had been contacted by my American cousin, James (a film producer who lived in New York, yes, New York!). He was trying to gather information about our family tree, especially my grandfather who lived where she now worked (at the Generale de Banque on Rue Royale). He had told her about my ancestors. So, as I blindly picked out my question and headed to a table to prepare, she told me, beaming with overt enthusiasm, that my ancestor was Thomas Cook. This was kind of embarrassing and empowering at the same time. In fact, I felt a sort of entitlement, and part of me smiled at the thought that I was already leaving the room a step ahead of the others: I didn’t need to pass my exam. I had already passed. But I barely had time to take two steps before she made me deflate like a failed soufflé: it turns out it was a different Thomas Cook, also a sailing man. My hopes were dashed. I still passed my exam.

I have always been intrigued by how little my grandmother talked about her late husband. I couldn’t understand why she would keep something like that from us. She loved chatting about other members of the family, when I asked (again and again) about my roots. Today, I realize just how difficult it must have been for her to leave a country