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    The Everything Kids' Gross Jokes Book: Side-splitting Jokes That Make Your Skin Crawl!
    The Everything Kids' Gross Jokes Book: Side-splitting Jokes That Make Your Skin Crawl!
    The Everything Kids' Gross Jokes Book: Side-splitting Jokes That Make Your Skin Crawl!
    Ebook259 pages1 hour

    The Everything Kids' Gross Jokes Book: Side-splitting Jokes That Make Your Skin Crawl!

    By Aileen Weintraub

    ()

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    About this ebook

    Guaranteed to make you gag!

    If you're up for some side-splitting and stomach-churning laughs, grab The Everything KIDS' Gross Jokes Book as fast as you can! It's packed with hundreds of one-liners and knock-knocks to make you turn green!

    Make your way through sick sections such as:
    • The Gross-Store
    • There's Grime in My Slime!
    • Everybody Oozes
    • Who Among Us Is a Fungus?
    • Dead Fly Pie

    Chock full of puzzles, games, and activities, The Everything KIDS' Gross Jokes Book scores a perfect 10 on the Gross-o-meter!

    Knock Knock

    Who's there

    Consumption

    Consumption who?

    Consumption be done about the foul odor in here?

    Why did the bacteria cross the playground?

    To get to the other slide.

    Why was the cross-eyed teacher so upset?

    He couldn't control his pupils.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherSimon & Schuster
    Release dateSep 1, 2005
    ISBN9781440523632
    The Everything Kids' Gross Jokes Book: Side-splitting Jokes That Make Your Skin Crawl!
    Author

    Aileen Weintraub

    An Adams Media author.

    Read more from Aileen Weintraub

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      Book preview

      The Everything Kids' Gross Jokes Book - Aileen Weintraub

      THE

      EVERYTHING®

      KIDS'

      GROSS JOKES BOOK

      Side-splitting jokes that make your skin crawl!

      Aileen Weintraub

      GrossJokesBook-fm1

      Adams Media

      Avon, Massachusetts

      EDITORIAL

      Publishing Director: Gary M. Krebs

      Associate Managing Editor: Laura M. Daly

      Associate Copy Chief: Brett Palana-Shanahan

      Acquisitions Editor: Kate Burgo

      Development Editor: Katie McDonough

      Associate Production Editor: Casey Ebert

      PRODUCTION

      Director of Manufacturing: Susan Beale

      Associate Director of Production: Michelle Roy Kelly

      Series Designers: Colleen Cunningham, Erin Ring

      Layout and Graphics: Colleen Cunningham,

         Holly Curtis, Erin Dawson, Sorae Lee

      Cover Layout: Paul Beatrice, Erick DaCosta,

         Matt LeBlanc

      Copyright ©2005, F+W Publications, Inc. All rights reserved. This book, or parts thereof,

      may not be reproduced in any form without permission from the publisher; exceptions are made

      for brief excerpts used in published reviews and photocopies made for classroom use.

      An Everything® Series Book.

      Everything® and www.everything.com® are registered trademarks of F+W Publications, Inc.

      Published by Adams Media, an imprint of Simon & Schuster, Inc.

      57 Littlefeld Street, Avon, MA 02322. U.S.A.

      www.adamsmedia.com

      ISBN 10: 1-59337-448-8

      ISBN 13: 978-1-59337-448-8

      Printed in the United States of America.

      J  I  H  G  F  E  D  C  B

      Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

      available from publisher.

      This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information with regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering legal, accounting, or other professional advice. If legal advice or other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional person should be sought.

      —From a Declaration of Principles jointly adopted by a Committee of the American Bar Association and a Committee of Publishers and Associations

      Cover and interior illustrations by Kurt Dolber.

      Puzzles by Beth L. Blair.

      This book is available at quantity discounts for bulk purchases.

      For information, call 1-800-289-0963.

      See the entire Everything® series at www.everything.com

      DEDICATION

      To my brother Neil: The slimiest person I know.

      And to Aka Satchie Redstone Princess of All Things Purple, Divine, and Serendipitous Sour Grapes, my puppy, who brings me much joy but can he pretty gross at times.

      ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

      I'd like to thank all the people at Adams Media who worked on this book, especially my editors, Kate Burgo and Katie McDonough. I'd also like to thank Christopher Sauer for listening to every gross joke in this book and Edward Serken for his inspiration.

      Contents

      Introduction

      Chapter 1: Creepy Critters

      Chapter 2: Barf days and Other Celebrations

      Chapter 3: Cannibals, Vampires, and Other Freaky Folks

      Chapter 4: Atrocious Animals

      Chapter 5: Horrible Humans

      Chapter 6: Beyond the Grave: Ghosts, Ghouls, and Zombies

      Chapter 7: Stinky Stuff

      Chapter 8: The Gross-ery Store

      Chapter 9: Gooey Games and Sickening Sports

      Chapter 10: Tales of the Gross and Famous

      Appendix A: More Books to Read

      Appendix B: Web Sites

      Puzzle Answers

      Introduction

      You may not realize it, but the world is a pretty gross place. Just look around. There are slimy moldy creepy crawly things everywhere—even on your own body! From dust mites and hair lice to fleas and bedbugs, there are little creatures hiding in the dark corners of your home all the time! And gross gook like mold, rust, grime, and pus can appear anywhere! There's no escaping it—this stuff is always going to be a part of life. But gross things don't have to be scary; learning about them can be fun and exciting. Making jokes about them is even better.

      Not only are the things around us gross, but we're pretty revolting ourselves. Our bodies do really nasty things on a daily basis, and if we're not careful, we can easily offend others with bad smells, horrific sounds, and disgusting sights. We produce earwax, snot, phlegm, and sweat every day. We can't avoid these things, so why not joke about them? This book will help you find the funny side of all the foul things around you. You'll giggle with delight reading and reciting jokes about everything from cannibals and vampires to frogs in blenders and chickens that didn't quite make it across the road. You can gross out your friends time and time again with jokes about slippery slime, curdled milk, sickening scabs, and gooey boogers. These are all important topics in the world of grossology—the study of grossness. By the time you're done reading this book, you'll be an expert in that field. If you love to burp, fart, pick scabs, and examine puppy puke, you'll get endless enjoyment from this book.

      Getting involved in the grosser side of life takes some time and effort, so be patient. To really live the gross lifestyle, you'll have to memorize some of these grotesque jokes, pay careful attention to the freaky facts, and try every one of the gross recipes. Then you'll have to share what you've learned with everyone from your best friend to your grandmother, even if you don't think they'll appreciate it. Remember, the only thing better than being gross is being funny and gross. Spread these spine-tingling, nauseating, nasty jokes to everyone you know. Before long, the whole neighborhood will be chuckling with disgust. So, enjoy these jokes, embrace the world of creepy crud, and go forth and spread the grossness.

      Chapter 1

      Creepy Critters

      GrossJokesBook_c001_f001

      What did the slug say as it slipped down the sidewalk?

      How slime flies.

      What's the difference between an earthworm and a cookie?

      An earthworm doesn't fall apart when you dunk it in milk.

      Why is the letter T so important to a Stick hug?

      Without it, it would be a sick bug.

      What do you get when you have 288 roaches crawling in your have

      Too gross.

      What is the last thing to go through a fly's mind as he crashes into a window?

      His rear end.

      GrossJokesBook_c001_f002

      What am I?

      I can disguise myself without you ever knowing I'm there! I have no real defenses, so I have to be creative. If I'm in danger, I can pretend to be something else. When a predator comes near, I freeze and look just like a piece of wood. What am I?

      GrossJokesBook-1

      A treehopper.

      What did one maggot say to the other when they found themselves stuck in an apple?

      Let's see you worm your way out of this.

      What do you get if you cross a centipede with a parrot?

      A walkie talkie.

      What did the mother worm say to

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