Tales From a Second Hand Wand Shop- Book 1: They Were the Best of Gnomes. They Were the Worst of Gnomes.
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They were the Best of Gnomes, They were the Worst of Gnomes.
Well, one each, really. Grimbledung and Drimblerod- are just trying to get along in life when their worlds collide. Drimblerod runs a moderately reputable second-hand wand shop that does pretty well at moving inventory. Grimbledung runs a disreputable second-hand wand wagon that he moves regularly to avoid the authorities.
Drimblerod thinks he has found the perfect partner- someone he can trust (he's a fellow Gnome, after all) and that will keep away pesky non-buying window shoppers. Little does he realize that his new-found partner suffers from Pixie Madness! And not the good kind.
As Grimbledung gets used to his new life of respectable shop ownership, the pair end up befriending Nulu Bentknees the Trolless across the street, Pozzuoli Consigliore the Dwarf next door, and even the town constable- Akita Finnish (a Werewolf who would rather bask in the sun than do anything else).
Along with Big Julie, the headmistress of the school of magic down the road, this diverse group learns to deal with Grimbledung's antics as they try to refocus his outlandish get rich schemes and unpredictable outbursts into something more productive. Or at least more quiet! Or at maybe even get him to pay for some of his drinks. And perhaps not start a brawl every time he goes to a bar.
Things start to heat up for the gang when Grimbledung manages to annoy the entire Great Halfling Empire. Well, not the whole Great Halfling Empire but at least the Halfling soldiers in town. It takes until late in Book 2 for the ENTIRE empire to get annoyed with him. He is just one Gnome, after all. With an impending invasion, everyone is on their toes. It doesn't help that Grimbledung is stepping on them!
We'd like to say that "Everything works out in the end" but "Raging Inferno!" is probably more accurate.
Book 6, "It's the Election, Stupid" is now out. Grimbledung tries his hand at managing a campaign.
Robert P. Wills
Robert P. Wills is a newly retired U.S. Army Chief Warrant Officer Four. After 25 years of Army silliness, he decided that writing fantasy stories about unstable Gnomes was a logical career choice after writing intelligence reports for a living. Robert lives in the Central Florida area where he and his wife are enjoying empty-nesting and spending far too much time wandering around various theme parks. Well not Sea World because they yell at Robert when he pets the dolphins. At the dolphin petting pool. He doesn't get it either. To get out of the house, or as his wife says it "Get out of the house!", Robert has picked up a part time job wandering the grounds of this road-side carnival started by this fellow named Walter. It's just up the road near this lake called Bueno Vista. He is pretty sure that's Seminole for "Lots of Mosquitoes". Being an old soldier, he has taken a job in security. A far cry from the rough-and-tumble, live-on-the-razor's-edge-of-life of wrangling tourists that was pitched to him, he seems to spend his days giving directions and handing out stickers. If you see him in the parks, ask him where the closest bathroom is. And for a sticker. Along with writing, Robert is an inventor with three patents (6,559,556, 7,293,681, and 8,561,951) and several innovations in his workshop. One innovation, the World's Greatest Garden Hose Guide is available on Amazon- when he can keep it in stock. One of his other inventions -The Jeep Door Carrier- will be available by mid-2017 so you can take your doors off AND take them with you! Sign up for the newsletter to get updates over on www.doorcarrier.com Robert also has a marginally successful wand business on Etsy under the name SecondHandSorcery where customers are routinely insulted by Grimbledung. The odd part is that they seem to like it. Robert sells his inventions under the name SixToesInnovations- a US Veteran owned company. Buy American, people! Unless you're one of the numerous British ex-pats here in Central Florida, then "No hard feelings? Buy from a Colonial, please and thank you!" I am not sure why I wrote my biography in the third person. Robert is funny that way.
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