Marked Beauty

For Arthur, my real life Mr. Darcy.

The sun loved the moon so much, he died every night to let her breathe.

~ Unknown

Denial

ANA

Anastasia realized almost immediately that attending the rally was a mistake. But she was in too deep to do anything about it.

Fidgety students filed into Traverse High gymnasium. Football and soccer captains slapped palms in high-fives, and cheerleaders scurried around in skin-tight skirts like mad hatters wearing hair bows, only minus the tea party. Ana fell into line with the rest of the teen herd and shuffled sideways on her bleacher. She’d gotten pretty good at playing the part of the average student.

The junior behind her cracked a joke to a nearby senior, who elbowed the guy in front of him for his two cents. Something about a party last weekend. No one included Ana in the discussion, which was fine. She was no stranger to being unnoticed. It wasn’t that she liked it. It was the way it had to be.

An auburn tangle slipped from behind her ear. Long hair, somewhat kept but not overdone, no earrings, and a no name T-shirt had the same effect as an invisibility cloak. She rubbed the tip of her nose, irritated by the floral perfume wafting past her. Fixed scents were a no-no for her as was the smell of food. Keeping those to a minimum reduced the extra stimuli she needed to avoid in crowds.

The volume of chatter rose as more students settled into seats and private gossip. Some girl cried over the breakup with her boyfriend, and a friend barked her know-it-all advice. Two freshman boys compared notes about which mountain bike trail they should conquer. Ana struggled to find a slice of serenity amid the chaos. It was how she controlled her inner demons.

Her eyes darted from the far wall of concrete to the rafter banners overhead. She had to concentrate on something to dull the emotions flooding in from all these kids. She settled on a piece of the brand new wooden floor. Its sheen reminded her of the horizon where the lake met the setting sun. She inhaled to focus and absentmindedly tapped the satchel at her hip to help conjure the calm. A daydream glaze coated her eyes. She’d blocked out most of the commotion.

Members of various teams ambled onto the floor, including Josh, her neighbor and stud captain of the hockey team. He lifted his chin in her direction, his sandy-brown hockey hair settling at the back of his neck.

"Shoot-out, later. My house," he mouthed and thumbed his chest.

Other than biting her bottom lip, Ana’s face remained blank. He chuckled. Being her self-appointed surrogate big brother he clearly recognized her avoidance tactic. Her insides clenched. A reminder of what a sucky friend she was. But keeping the real reason she evaded attention a secret from Josh was as much for him as it was for her.

Swallowing her own emotions, she gave him a discreet scrunch up of her nose and some track jock yelled his name. He winked at her before jogging toward the others near the school band set up on the far side of the gym.

A group of flirt queens snorted and rolled their eyes in perfect synchronization at her; it was pretty impressive. The fact that Ana failed to fawn over Josh made her weirder than she already was in their etiquette book of high school gossip, popularity, and social skills. According to them, an invite from him should send Ana into a tizzy; he was every bit a hockey player, after all. Most knew he was friends with Ana and figured it was because she played ice hockey, too. But that wasn’t it; they just got each other.

With a clandestine smile teasing her lips, she gazed back across the gym. Josh’s outline fuzzed over, and her smile evaporated. She looked again. Still fuzzy as though her eyes were tired or dry. She mentally slapped herself for being distracted and for letting herself think she could control this in such a big crowd. Tired or dry eyes were not the reason for what she saw.

Air warmed. Too many eager bodies crammed in one space. Her fingers folded over the lip of the bleacher she sat on as she leaned forward. She wouldn’t let this happen without a fight. Dropping her chin, she searched for a detail, anything to simplify the chaos – the shiny floor, the wrestling mats heaped in a corner, the god-ugly hairclip the chick in front of her wore – but it was too late. Her peripheral vision already captured an orange stream of energy invading the canary yellow of some perky girl’s outline.

Dang it.

She blinked to erase the colors, or at the very least make them fade so she could overlook them. Pretending the colors, emotions, and lights weren’t there wasn’t a perfect science; but it worked. Sometimes. Only she needed to calm down or it would definitely fail. Breathe in, breathe out. Good thoughts. You’ll crush Josh in a shoot-out later, send pucks by him so fast he won’t even see them, and he’ll have to buy you ice cream again. Come on, Ana.

A flutter gripped her heart, a distant memory that always wanted to be felt.

She ground her teeth in defiance and peeked through her narrowed eyes. Nothing would ruin today. Not that today held any special meaning really. Days like that had disappeared long ago. Tension drained from her face. Air swept over her lips in a gentle sigh, and the colors grew fainter. A little success was better than nothing. She shook her head, not much, but enough to scold herself.

Ana spotted Katee on the bleachers across from her, head back in a flirtatious laugh, distracting a threesome of senior boys in her pink tank top and perfect blond locks. What she wouldn’t give to feel that free. She nibbled on her bottom lip, embracing her Katee distraction, forever mystified by her best friend’s flair with boys. It wasn’t that Ana was uncomfortable around boys. Just another essential avoidance.

The band played a few chords to warm up. Ana’s body stiffened at the intrusive interruption. Didn’t they know she needed to focus? Okay, so they didn’t know, but still. Was a year-ending pep rally to kick off the summer sports sessions really necessary? Schedules were posted on the school website and everybody knew it.

A boy two rows down from her tossed a lighter to someone behind her. Metal hinges clanked from shifting weight. Bodies lifted from their seats, and arms flailed in an attempt to intercept the inch by two inch piece of flammable plastic. Ana’s body jolted forward as she took a knee to her left kidney and lost control of her focus. Thin vines of blues, tangerines, and lime burst from each student’s silhouette. Their life energy auras glowed in unique shades and speeds. All visible only to her.

She should have listened to Katee and skipped this stupid rally.

Her throat tightened. She tried to swallow, but couldn’t. The inside of her cheeks already felt burnt, swollen nodules of raw flesh like when her soup was too hot but she ate it anyway. The more the crowd moved, shouted, and laughed the denser the colors became.

Drums shook her ribcage as the band lit up with the school song. Ana braced herself for the influx of energy. A deluge flooded every cell in her body with the intensity of the sun raining fire or sheets of ice coating her skin. She kept her face dismissive, ordinary and easy to pass by. But her mind screeched at her to leave, only she was in the stinking middle of the bleachers with no inconspicuous exit.

To her left garnet tendrils of life energy pulsed in the air. She sensed fear in them and anger. No, she felt rage. Deceit, envy, insecurity, a spectrum of emotions reared up in the life energy auras of these kids. Panic wrenched at her stomach. Nausea was on its way and after that . . . well, she wouldn’t only get noticed. She’d be center stage. Creating a scene couldn’t happen. She twisted the hair elastic on her wrist. Round and round and round. Prickling flooded her hand, her fingers bloating with trapped blood. Throb one, throb two, throb three. That was good. Pain she could concentrate on. The throng of excited voices died down, the energy abated. She could do this.

Blackness painted the insides of her eyelids. She struggled to find any spare elastic left. She tugged on it. A rough edge cut into the backside of her wrist, but that didn’t matter. Twist once and again. Deeper throbbing ignited. Air released from her lungs, and she soaked in the sensation.

Lights in the gym dimmed. Spotlights blinked on and off. She twisted the elastic again as a foreign aura emerged somewhere in the crowd. The energy was odd, enticing like when she craved a candy bar. Need stirred her gut. Life energy had never made her want it before. Pressure wrapped her forehead in an abrupt headache, and an eerie chill clawed at her exposed skin. The sensation of other life energies dulled, replaced by a level of despair she’d never felt before. And fear; except that emotion belonged to her.

Cheers exploded as one school chant was followed by another. Ana squinted, trying to find what she’d already sensed. A black mass of energy hovered an inch off the floor near the double doors to the north hallway. What the—? Tension released on the hair elastic; it unwound, leaving it loose and limp with no control. A shadow with no person to cast it made no sense, but it was what she saw.

Ana scanned the crowd of students, searching their life energy auras; for what she didn’t know. She looked back toward the double doors. The dark mass didn’t only resemble a shadow, but essentially a void, hollowed out energy – empty, dark, and hopeless. It did hold physical consistency, a round rippling mirror blurring the reflection.

She scrunched her eyes shut. This was so dumb! Summer break started tomorrow, and summer equaled less people near her. There is nothing there. She whispered with conviction to herself.

But her sensitivity to energy was passed the point of pretending it wasn’t there.

The dark space crept forward, curving its shape to weave in between students and faculty. A semi-transparent sheen trailed its wake, like its own shadow only vacant. Wasn’t there at least one person here besides her who could sense being watched? No one appeared affected.

Ana spotted the dark shape stalled by the basketball players near the band. Thin, ragged fingers sprouted out from both sides, extending to a redheaded boy. Joints congealed, two wrists, elbows, almost to a broad set of shoulders. The moment a finger touched his life energy he stopped shooting and yawned. The green of his aura faded. A few seconds later he dragged the back of his hand across his forehead.

Ana gawked back at the redhead who had collapsed on a nearby bench. A coach knelt beside him while a cheerleader offered him a bottle of water. Had that thing hurt him? She hated that she was the only one who could see it. Almost as if it heard her unspoken decision, the dark space retracted its wisps. Ana was already halfway down the bleachers, not caring who she bumped into in the process; it would only be a few who’d notice.

The dark space knotted and bent until it molded into the cutout of a person. Still a void, but in the shape of a man with broad shoulders, slim build, and eyes of glowing violet that happened to be honed in on Josh.

Ana stumbled over the last bleacher.

The thing angled his eyes at her. If he’d had a mouth she was sure he’d be grinning. He slunk toward Josh.

No! Her brain shrilled before it shutdown, giving way to a different Ana. Anger, defiance, and terror oozed from her pores. A beat she’d never heard before pounded in her head. She raced across the floor.

A teacher yelled and the flirt queens called her names, but Ana ignored them. She only wanted to keep that thing away from her friend. She slammed into the farthest concrete wall of the gym. Her hand rose in the air. And she pulled.

Metal engaged. Lightbulbs flashed and eventually flickered out, only to be replaced by the glow of flood lights.

The first sound Ana heard was the swish of water. Screams came about three seconds later. Some turned to high-pitched laughter, while others silenced. A breeze picked up and swirled around Ana.

Something stung her eyes. She blinked, but that didn’t help. So she rubbed them, and her fingers came away wet. No, more than wet and so was she. Her hair was dripping and water puddled at her feet. She flipped her head back to free her face from her drenched tangles. Her eyes widened.

There she stood with the entire school gawking at her and her fingers still strangling the fire alarm.

Hidden In Plain Sight

ANA

Humid air swept across Ana’s face as she and Katee ambled toward the parking lot. Roars from the street hockey game being played on the tennis courts slowly faded.

Katee flashed Ana her sea-green eyes. Josh likes you, you know.

Sure he does. What’s not to like?

I’m being serious. The way that boy looks at you . . . Katee smacked her glossy lips. She had a way of lip-smacking with so much confidence it was hard not to believe her, and Ana envied her for that. Speaking of the hockey god . . . Katee pecked her chin up, causing Ana to glance behind her.

Josh jogged toward her with a towel draped across the back of his neck, his tank top billowing against his chest. Sunlight glistened off the perspiration clinging to his shoulders. Or maybe it was water droplets from the lake.

Katee lit up with a perky smirk and waved at Josh, but spoke to Ana, You didn’t tell him what you’re doing this afternoon, did you?

Of course not, Ana said. He’d ask a bazillion questions and want to come with.

Speaking of which, Katee spun to face the opposite direction, I’ll go get my car.

Josh slowed to a walk. Ana, there you are.

Oh yes, Katee tittered, strutting toward the parking lot. Here she is.

Ana ignored her.

Where’s she off to? Josh asked a little breathily.

Her car.

What’d she do, hide another guy in her trunk, he snorted.

No, my hockey bag. Ana bit her lip.

Oh. Hey, you missed my rocket off the post, he said.

Whoa. She recovered. Are you doubting the strength of your ping?

What was I thinking? A bad-boy smirk rode across his lips. That is one area where I rule.

You’re sick.

And you like it.

It’s one of my few pleasures in life. Her shoulders jiggled as she laughed, playing along. She wished it was that simple. Her eyes captured Katee’s car backing out of a stall.

Hey. He stepped into her space, his voice soft. Where’d that smile go?

Deep burgundy infiltrated his normally spirited yellow life energy. She exhaled, trying to shield herself from the swirls of anxiety bogging down his colors. She didn’t mean to read him, but he was Josh. And he was worried about her. She couldn’t blame him. Since her freak out in the gym two months ago life had been rough and that was being kind. Most people gawked at her whenever she went out, although no one actually talked to her. The incident had made her as visible to people as she’d always feared, yet more invisible than ever.

Before she could respond Josh threaded his arms around her waist, and his eyebrows went all wiggly. She knew what he was doing.

No, no. Her fingers nicked his shell necklace as she pushed off his chest. Aren’t you tired of being my dad’s watchdog?

I want to make sure you’re okay.

I’m fine. Lying to him sucked.

You hate the word fine.

She stopped struggling. I’m going to start hating you if you don’t let me go.

He stiffened, his molasses brown eyes meant only for her. You could never hate me.

That was true.

Ana, Katee said through her rolled-down window as she pulled her car up beside them, I hate to break this up, but your gross hockey bag has been stinking up my trunk since early this morning. We really should go.

Josh glanced from Katee to Ana, and her heart sank. He’d planned on taking her to her hockey game this afternoon. Of course he did; he always gave her a ride. But she couldn’t do what she had to do if he was with her. For a brief moment he seemed to peer beyond her eyes, and Ana let him. She wondered what he was thinking.

His grip loosened around her waist a bit too abruptly not to mean something, but Ana didn’t question him. She already knew that she’d hurt his feelings. Her arms deflated to her sides as he released her.

Recovering quickly, he rubbed his face with the corner of his towel. Call me when you get home and we can finish our shoot-out from yesterday.

She sighed, knowing he was making it easy for her. As long as you don’t cry when I win.

Have mercy. He tapped his chest and left her with a sweet peck on her forehead. The snap of his flip-flops sounded as he sauntered away, the crowd of people swallowing him up.

He didn’t ask why you’re catching a ride with me instead, Katee said.

No. Down deep, Ana wished he had.

Stop worrying. It’s not like he won’t forgive you. Katee continued as Ana rounded the front of the car, her voice muffling through the windshield. He’s totally into you.

Ana opened the passenger side door and tossed her satchel over the middle console.

I can’t figure out why you won’t go for him, Katee said. He’s hot, a senior, and lives across the street from you. Very convenient.

Ana plopped into her seat and buckled up. He also constantly clogs the toilet when he’s at my house.

More than I needed to know, but can I have him anyway?

And put you in such peril?

See? You like him.

He’s like a big brother, Ana said. I care about him. There’s a difference.

No there’s not.

You can’t mean that. A shrewd grin lifted the corners of Ana’s mouth.

Katee shifted the car into drive. Sometimes I think you believe the stuff you say.

In fact, Ana had learned long before that as long as she delivered the truth with a saucy grin others would see it as ridiculous. Secretly coming clean helped empty the strain of seeing and feeling what others couldn’t. Being known for indecisive humor was easier than explaining how she knew what most people were feeling. That she was extra sensitive to the emotions found in their life energy and which were visible to her in a colorful aura pulsating around them. Gosh she sounded like a Webster’s Dictionary definition. She shook off her inner dialogue and focused on the world around her.

As Katee drove out of the parking lot, Ana’s attention drifted to the even rippling of the lake. Mist off the water stalled in a ray of sunlight and crested over the Dunes. The Dunes, she thought and twirled a stray thread of her Detroit Tigers gym shorts around her finger. She looked away.

After a few miles and the expected Traverse City landscape of pharmacies, banks, and outlet stores, Katee turned in the opposite direction of the Ice Center, where Ana’s hockey game was scheduled.

Look, Ana. I know you’re bummed about transferring to Crimson Grave, but it’s a great school.

You’re just excited to visit and campout in my dorm room every weekend, Ana said.

Duh, Katee said. But honestly, I can’t believe your dad caved in and took the deal Traverse High offered him.

They didn’t give him much choice. Ana lowered her voice, remembering how fast the gym flooded when she’d pulled the fire alarm. No one understood why she’d done it. The truth, even masked behind a teasing grin, would have verified that she was crazy. She couldn’t stay there. Her only option had been to change schools and enroll in a life counseling class like some freakoid. Josh doesn’t want me to go, but even he says that stupid school might be good for me.

Katee tossed her a pitying look. He might be right.

So would eating asparagus.

You have been distant since, Katee tapped the steering wheel, you know.

Yeah, she knew. But Katee would be skittish too if she could see colors swirling around everyone like stinking blinking traffic lights.

Is it because you’ve been thinking about your mother again? Katee cleared her throat.

What? Ana rolled her eyes. No.

Of course, the only viable explanation for her erratic behavior over the last few years would be because of her mother, the one who abandoned little Ana years ago. It sounded logical – teen girl, high school, classes, boys, fluctuating hormones, blah-blah. But Ana hadn’t minded being raised by her dad. God forbid another reason could be the cause, like the auras suddenly taking on emotions during freshman year. Ana clenched the hand Katee couldn’t see.

Katee steered into a gas station. Look, you haven’t said a word all summer about what happened in the gym. I think your dad is right. Maybe if you talk about it you can get over it.

Get over it? Yeah, Ana didn’t see that happening like . . . ever. So instead, she’d buried the incident along with her other unwanted thoughts and feelings in her imaginary mental graveyard labeled Unwanted Life Memories & Other Yucky Stuff. She’d been doing that since she was ten years old. Nothing sent to that place should ever be thought of again. She’d even etched the tombstone marking her gym horror with Die a Thousand Deaths. Her other mental tombstones were named, too, like Awkward for her junior high years and The Thirteenth Floor for memories of her mother. She’d placed stone-hearted gargoyles and thought-eating zombies at the entrance to ward off intruders. Silly? Maybe, but it had worked for her.

And, anyway, she sure as hell couldn’t tell Katee the real reason for her spaz-out. She hadn’t even told Mem, her surrogate grandmother who was the only one who knew about Ana’s abilities.

Ana sighed. Have you ever felt so many emotions at once you feel like you’re drowning?

Katee leaned forward in her seat, her jaw dropping open. Well, I hope those emotions include him, she nodded toward a boy two pumps away, because I’d feel whatever emotions he’s offering.

The boy, about their age, propped himself against a swank Beemer. The ends of his navy button-up shirt draped unevenly over his hips. His weight shifted in their direction.

Katee almost came unglued. He’s checking me out. I’m pumping the gas.

When the girls were together, Katee was the one to catch a boy’s eye. Why shouldn’t she? She was blond with all those extra curves needed to snag the right stud. Plus, she knew how to work the girly angle.

But Beemer Boy wasn’t interested in Katee.

His eyes explored every feature of Ana’s face until they honed in on her eyes and, when they did, his lips parted. Heat seared Ana’s neck, swelling her cheeks, and probably frying the roots of her hair. She fumbled to lower her sun visor.

Shades of blues and purples pulsated around the boy. Translucent shadows slithered out from all sides of his life energy like wispy fingers. Ana blinked, even rubbed her eyes, but the wisps didn’t fade away any more than the dark and eerie energy in the gym had. The shadows solidified, and Ana swore if they had eyes they’d be glaring at her.

Her abilities flared, deciphering emotions of envy and rage. Nothing she wanted to know, but her stupid ability had a mind of its own. She searched for the quiet in her chaos to help block out unnecessary auras around her. Of course, it didn’t make them really disappear. Only made them less potent and less annoying, but it was how she’d survived since freshman year.

The moment she found quiet in the pressure of her grinding teeth and the acid stench of gasoline riding up her nostrils, it faded, infiltrated by the envy and rage from that boy. This was insane. She couldn’t even be sure it was envy and rage; the colors were off. Moisture evaporated from her throat. Her body heated up like in the gym. She needed a fire alarm to pull or maybe a water gun. Katee, she mouthed, but Katee was spankies-high in cheerleader flirt and didn’t notice her panic.

Through the tangles dangling in her face, Ana watched him smirk and push