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Heart Berries: A Memoir
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Heart Berries: A Memoir
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Heart Berries: A Memoir
Ebook127 pages2 hours

Heart Berries: A Memoir

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

4/5

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About this ebook

A powerful, poetic memoir of an Indigenous woman's coming of age on the Seabird Island Band in the Pacific Northwest—this New York Times bestseller and Emma Watson Book Club pick is “an illuminating account of grief, abuse and the complex nature of the Native experience . . . at once raw and achingly beautiful (NPR)

Having survived a profoundly dysfunctional upbringing only to find herself hospitalized and facing a dual diagnosis of post traumatic stress disorder and bipolar II disorder, Terese Marie Mailhot is given a notebook and begins to write her way out of trauma. The triumphant result is Heart Berries, a memorial for Mailhot's mother, a social worker and activist who had a thing for prisoners; a story of reconciliation with her father―an abusive drunk and a brilliant artist―who was murdered under mysterious circumstances; and an elegy on how difficult it is to love someone while dragging the long shadows of shame.

Mailhot trusts the reader to understand that memory isn't exact, but melded to imagination, pain, and what we can bring ourselves to accept. Her unique and at times unsettling voice graphically illustrates her mental state. As she writes, she discovers her own true voice, seizes control of her story, and, in so doing, reestablishes her connection to her family, to her people, and to her place in the world.

Editor's Note

Poetic beauty…

A rare debut that will take your breath away with its poetic beauty. This memoir from Terese Marie Mailhot chronicles her time growing up on a Canadian First Nations reservation with a love of memory and language and an acute knowledge of their limitations.

LanguageEnglish
PublisherCounterpoint
Release dateFeb 13, 2018
ISBN9781619024236
Author

Terese Marie Mailhot

Terese Marie Mailhot graduated from the Institute of American Indian Arts with an MFA in fiction. Heart Berries, her first book, was shortlisted for the 2018 Governor General's Literary Award for Nonfiction. She teaches creative writing at Purdue University and resides in West Lafayette, Indiana.

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Reviews for Heart Berries

Rating: 3.9417293413533843 out of 5 stars
4/5

266 ratings34 reviews

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  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    "Memoir, for me, functions as something vulnerable in a sea of posturing." (from the Afterword)Finding one's truth and taking ownership and authorship of one's story are life-changing! In recent memory I cannot think of a book, fiction or non-fiction, which illustrates this power as deeply or as profoundly as Mailhot's memoir. She bravely reveals her journey in all its horror and beauty. I've said it many times, but I have great respect for women who have the guts to open themselves up so fully to a public that has not exactly proven warm and receptive."As an Indian woman, I resist the urge to bleed out on a page, to impart the story of my drunken father. It was dangerous to be alone with him, as it was dangerous to forgive, as it was dangerous to say he was a monster. If he were a monster, that would make me part monster, part Indian. It is my politic to write the humanity in my characters, and subvert the stereotypes. Isn't that my duty as an Indian writer? But what part of him was subversion?"The language she uses is... I cannot find the perfect word at the moment."I know the limit of what I can contain in each day. Each child, woman, and man should know a limit of containment. Nobody should be asked to hold more."An essential read for Indigenous women, yet I would recommend this to everyone, especially those with trauma in their past -- or those who aren't the picture of pristine mental health. Not that a white woman could ever walk in the same shoes as an Indigenous woman, but because there are parallels between the experiences in coming of age, mental illness, broken hearts, deep-rooted parental scars, and what it takes to begin healing.5 stars(I love that her author photograph was credited to her son, Isaiah.)"Love is tactile learning, always, first and foremost.""I don't feel liberated from the governing presence of tragedy. The way in which people frame our work, and the way our work exists, or is canonized--we are not liberated from injustice; we're anchored to it. It feels inescapable and part of the zeitgeist of Indian in the twenty-first century, or every century since they came, which doesn't limit me, or us, but limits the way we are seen and spoken about. It's unfortunate, and real to me." (from the Afterword)
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    This is a very difficult book to read and even more difficult to critique. Terese explains that she was a young girl growing up in a severely dysfunctional family. Her home was located on the Seabird Island Indian Reservation in the Pacific Northwest. Her childhood experiences caused her profound pain, and she found herself as a young woman in a mental institution with bipolar disease and PTSD. Her quest to find herself leads her on a panful journey of remembrance. /She has now found herself a place in the world as a mother, wife, educator and author. The language in the book is absolutely beautiful, and even with the dreadful subject matter, quite poetic. But I found that there was a lot of jumping around in time, so I found it difficult to get to the heart of the matter. The book probably realistically portrays her bumpy ride as she tries to deal with all of her issues, and that maya explain the dichotomy, but it was still difficult for me to follow the timeline. It is very difficult to read about Terese's struggles to find herself and finally come to a place where she can acknowledge and accept all the horrors of her life, and then build from there to finally discover the real Terese buried under all the memories.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    A memoir of moving through madness and it's roots by a Native American woman. Not at all an easy read, and possibly containing some triggers, certainly I had to keep my own emotional history from raveling my attention from each sentence as it sliced into me during the first two sections. Then I had to wonder what sort of man left messages on his computer and phone to be found by the lover (he implied) he wanted to keep. Perhaps I was distracting myself from the real pain on the page. Not a feel good life with those close to nature yarn.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    Rating: 6* of fiveShattering. Beautiful. Agonizing. Necessary.I will never, ever read this book again. I'm glad I borrowed it from the library so it will not be in my home. This isn't a story I want to have exerting its metaphysical gravity on me while I'm sleeping.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    I’ve never read a memoir like this. The author grew up in an abusive and dysfunctional family on a Native American reservation. The story may be short, but don’t count on finishing it quickly. There’s lots to think about and reread. The essays can be disturbing but bring insight into how women are treated and how they can work to heal themselves.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    The emotionally charged memoir of a young Native American woman growing up on a dysfunctional family and later with abusive relationships with men (one that she just can;t seem to get over). This book is very well written and she doesn't rail against the abusive people in her life. Through it all a couple of mentors help her overcome these traumas leading ultimately her back to her Native American heritage and a Doctoral Fellowship in creative writing at Purdue University. This book will pull on your heart without being sappy or maudlin. Short book with a whole lot of meaning.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    Heart wrenching. I listened to the book and was drawn into the author's lyrical storytelling as well as story. As I heard more of her story I was sometimes lost in her remembrances versus timeline of events. She plugged at my heart, but I found that the connection of her circumstances and her past more difficult to follow through the end.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    I like how the author puts words together. It's very poetic at times. Unfortunately, I'm not a big fan of poetry as it tends to be vague and obtuse, much like this memoir. I'm detail oriented and found myself frustrated by all the unanswered questions I have.

    Also, the author goes on and on about her heartbreak and bad relationships to such a degree that at a certain point in the book it just started to feel to me like nonstop whining. By the time she was ready to share about other aspects of her life, I was already detaching from the work.

    In the end, I still find value in reading about a perspective so different from my own and admire Mailhot's abilities as a wordsmith
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Very interesting memoir told through essays. Beautiful, poetic, truthful, heart wrenching writing. I received an mp3 cd from Librarything in exchange for my honest review.. Hope to see many more books from her. We need to hear more from strong females like her who tell it like it is about things like PTSD, anxiety, molestation, abuse, etc. She tackles the hard subjects.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    I can't, write words after reading her words.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    This book cracked me open - it's such a bravely, beautifully, precisely written story of working through trauma and being a child and a mother and Native woman.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    I heard buzz about this memoir for weeks before it was actually published, and I'm glad to say that it definitely lived up to the hype! Such a powerful and unflinching memoir from a great new voice in Native American literature.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Mailhot's memoir weaves back and forth throughout her life and is mainly written to her lover as she takes the reader on a journey from her youth to the present. Reading it was like reading snapshots of her life and it was more like poetry than the usual memoir which made it a refreshing read for this reader.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    It would take an extraordinary book to live up to Sherman Alexie's effusive praise in his introduction to Heart Berries. I'm not sure that this non-linear narrative does. It has its evocative moments, as First Nations author Terese Marie Mailhot details her dysfunctional relationships with her parents and her lover, her bouts of suicidal ideation, and her hatred of ladybugs. Yet some elements remain frustratingly vague. For example, she alludes to an eating disorder that is never described.Recommended to those who like their memoirs brief and poetic.Please note that I received an advanced reader's copy of this book through my employer, with no expectation that I would review it or give it a positive review.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    It's hard to criticize the writing without criticizing the real life of the author. She had mental health issues, and her life was made more difficult because she was part of an ethnic group whose culture was destroyed, whose people were bereft of support and unable to thrive in the new society/economy of the conquerers. And she made mistakes, as all people do. And I liked her.

    I were her, I would have written this with a fictional character instead, an altar ego, who sets things right by finding strength in her culture and uplifting those around her. Granted, by writing this novel, she does achieve that -- albeit in a quiet way. However, drama should be big. I am left feeling frustrated that more should be done for women like her. What is the path we should follow into the future? That is the issue the book needs to address.

    Perhaps it cannot be written because the problem is too complex to solve. I have thought about the plight of the original Americans many times: Allowing them to open casinos is a pathetic excuse for helping them out of their poverty. Along with hard cash and a solid business plan, they need to rediscover their traditional family values. US government, are you listening? Of course not. Sequel? Yes, plus push for activism.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Just finished reading Heart Berries by
    Terese Marie Mailhot and it broke me into a thousand pieces.

    I had to read it in pieces. And remember to breathe.

    There's so much emotion being awakened inside of me, by these words. Some things that I don't want to think about or feel. Other things that create a longing and heartache from fresh wounds with barely a scab.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    I had a hard time with this book. The content did not bother me, though it was a rough read (trigger warnings for abuse of all varieties). I also appreciated a book that explored the hardships and stigma of being an Indian woman and having mental health problems. I think that Mailhot's word choices were often beautiful, but the writing often felt disjointed to me. Perhaps she wanted to convey how she felt from day to day in this way, but she seemed to skip from one harrowing story to another almost randomly. It made this very short book feel long, but not in a good way.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    A coming of age memoir of an indigenous woman in British Columbia.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    This is a beautiful and powerful memoir in essays. So much of it is heart wrenching, and yet it exudes the authors strength and perseverance.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    This is not ordinarily the sort of book I pick up, but I found it powerful and disturbing and heart wrenching to read. Mailhot writes her madness in an extraordinarily compelling way, one that viscerally portrays the abuse and trauma at the heart of her story. Every time I went to put it down, I found myself compelled to pick it up again.

    Advanced Reader's Copy provided by Edelweiss.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    Heart Berries: A Memoir by author Terese Marie Mailhot is a very short book that packs a very powerful punch. It is a tale of love, loss, grief, abuse, addiction, and mental illness. It is her own story told in beautiful prose and brutal honesty but she also makes it clear that it is not dissimilar to the stories of other First Nations women:Native women walk alone from the dances of our youth into homes they don’t know for the chance to be away’ The memoir, like the life she is describing, frequently seems confusing and chaotic. Written in a non-linear manner, she often leaves holes in the narrative only to later show that these holes were not just holes in the narrative but in her memory, memories she finally recovers with the aid of psychotherapy, medication, and almost cruel self-examination. But this chaos, rather than weakening the story, make it that much more powerful. She reveals how much she has survived and, in the end, how far she has come but there is no sense of relief or closure, not for her and not for First Nations. Heart Berries is a book almost lyrical in its prose, at times beautiful, elegant, raw, poignant, angry, and insightful. I would be lying if I said it was an easy read but it is an important one. A definite high recommendation from me.Thanks to Edelweiss+ and Counterpoint for the opportunity to read this book in exchange for an honest review
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    “It’s an Indian condition to be proud of survival but reluctant to call it resilience. Resilience seems ascribed to a human conditioning in white people.”Terese Marie Mailhot’s Heart Berries was small, but it packed an emotional punch. In her memoir, Mailhot doesn’t hold anything back as she presents her life about everything from her dysfunctional upbringing to her stay in a mental hospital, from the birth of her son to her relationship with his father, from the pain of her present and how memory is affected by the past.Heart Berries was told in a fragmented, stream-of-conscious style series of essays. I did have a little trouble getting into the writing style, but once I fell into a rhythm, it was easier to follow Mailhot’s voice and thoughts.Mailhot is an interesting woman who has been through so much. This is one memoir that I can see myself reading again and again – and getting something new out of it each time.Thank you to LibraryThing and Tantor Audio for a copy of this audiobook in exchange for an honest review!
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    In the interview at the end of the book Terese Mari Mailhot says that she started out to write the story of a woman so wounded that all she can do is wound others. And then she realized she was writing her own story, and this memoir evolved.Her subject is bleak – physical and sexual abuse, alcoholism, mental illness, growing up on a reservation in Southwest Canada with little hope of change; longing to have someone take care of her and the subsequent abandonments. Her honesty wrapped in beautifully crafted sentences is searing. This is her first book. I'll certainly be looking for more from this author. I received a copy of the audiobook through the LibraryThing Early Reviewer Program. To me, this is a book that would be better to be read as a print copy. First, reading this in print would have given me the chance to savor the words. Second, the reader's intonation was consistently one of wounded anger, with little variation of tone. While this may well be the perfect tone for the author's thoughts, four hours of it becomes overly long.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    It’s hard to put into words how wonderful and tragic this book is. I enjoyed the story telling then pausing to feel the pain of the story.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    This was one of the most brutal, heartfelt, unabashed, memoirs I've ever read. Mailhot rips out her heart for the reader to see and holds nothing back. From her insecurities about being a mother to abuse she had buried as a child to her unwise relationships to growing up native; she bares her entire soul. She manages to convey these truths about her life in the most succinct, powerful way. Not one word is wasted in this memoir. While listening to this I was struck by the beauty of her prose.“I think self-esteem is a white invention to further separate one person from another. It asks people to assess their values and implies people have worth. It seems like identity capitalism.” “I felt breathless, like every question was a step up a stairway.” I listened to this short memoir, but now I want to read it; I want my eyes to eat up her words. Her prose is transcendent. Mailhot, hasn't exactly had the easiest of lives, but she is able to convey the beauty in her struggles and challenges. What a writer. I cannot wait to read more from her. I am ready for the Indigenous Renaissance.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    if read in a different mood might have liked it better - admire the writer enormously
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    "Nothing is too ugly for this world, I think. It's just that people pretend not to see."QOTD: What memoirs did you read this year that you loved?Heart Berries by Terese Mailhot is one of my favorite memoirs I read this year. I read this one back in July and it is only now that I can fully process some of my thoughts and feelings. Mailhot's writing is honest and raw and she holds nothing back. She bares all the ugliness on the pages but still leaves you with a semblance of hope. You're left contemplating about the complexities of the human condition and what it means to love so much that it hurts. You're also left wondering if it is possible to love someone fully when there is so much pain and trauma embedded in their loins. Mailhot takes you through her battles with mental illness, the history and trauma of Indigenous people, motherhood and longing to be loved. The book reads like an open wound as she picks away at the scabs and scars that are left behind from her trauma. You especially see this in the ways that she speaks directly to the pain she feels of not being seen and loved by her children's father and how that pain almost mirrors "madness".The writing is absolutely exquisite. I highlighted so many passages that need further introspection. I will definitely reread this one because I feel like it will hit differently every time. What stays with me the most is how she writes about Indigenous women's pain and explains how humanity was born from pain. It is felt on every page. The quote I still think about is: "My people cultivated pain. In the way that god cultivated his garden, with the foresight that he could not contain or protect the life within it. Humanity was born out of pain." She's not afraid to speak about it and boldly calls it out. This book is one that haunts me because of it's unflinching manner and the way it bravely speaks truth to power.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    adult nonfiction/memoir (woman of Native American heritage dealing with PTSD, bipolar II disorder, eating disorders, a difficult break up, and other challenges).
    poetic and raw, loaded with emotion and meaning (though often I am not sure what exactly the meaning is)--an extremely talented writer with a unique voice. Not what I was expecting but a pleasant surprise.

    old lady reader warnings: contains numerous f-bombs and explicit situations.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    3 stars for now, though I plan to reread at some point.Heart Berries is Terese Marie Mailhot's memoir about life and coming-of-age as a First Nations woman in the Pacific Northwest. The book jumps around in time, with particular emphasis on various facets of Mailhot's experience of parenthood, both tracing her history with her own parents as well as her own experience of motherhood. Throughout, there are strong themes of abuse, addiction, and trauma. I listened to this as an audiobook, and I'm not sure that I'd recommend it in that format. The audio itself is totally fine, bu the poetic and extremely nonlinear nature of the writing would, I think, be better suited to a physical page, so that you can reread and go back as necessary--I found that I got lost/confused a lot. The emotions in this book are really raw and powerful, however. I do hope to reread this sometime in physical format, and I suspect that my rating will go up at that point.
  • Rating: 2 out of 5 stars
    2/5
    Hmmm. Sometimes there's a book that gets praised to the sky and back, one that wins awards and accolades in all corners of the literary world, one that I can't wait to get my hands on, but that I just can't connect with, can't even begin to glimpse why all the acclaim and glory have been piled on it and unfortunately Terese Marie Mailhot's Heart Berries is one of those books.This short, honest memoir in essays from Mailhot, a Canadian Indigenous woman, feels more like prose poetry than a cohesive nonfiction narrative. It is an on the page grappling with her abusive childhood, the loss of custody of her first child, her own mental illnesses, her destructive tendencies, her complicated and damaging relationships, motherhood, the creative drive, her identity as an indigenous woman and her dysfunctional, trauma-filled life. She is introspective and raw in her writing; it is heavy and deeply personal. But the narrative is choppy and fragmented making it a struggle to want to follow her in her jumbled stream of consciousness. Mailhot jumps forward and backward in time, leaving the reader completely untethered in her story. This makes for a slow and deliberate reading experience but this same slowness highlights the oftentimes meaningless and pretentious writing masquerading as deep and lyrical. "Every door is the same when I kneel in a corner--with a hand over my mouth." (p. 14) But there's also the occasional powerful truth woven in as well. Most of Mailhot's essays are addressed to a boyfriend, opening herself to him, explaining her past and her present, but Mailhot also addresses her mother in the final piece of the memoir, remembering, confronting, lamenting. The unconventional structure of the book allows for a disjointed and incomplete telling, brushing past some of the defining moments of her life so far without elaborating and stripping the emotional content back to bare bone. I felt nothing by the end except profound relief that I was finished with the book. Many others have claimed this as a magnificent and important work, so perhaps don't necessarily take my word for it.