Sweetheart Scams: Online Dating's Billion-Dollar Swindle
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About this ebook
The popularity of online dating has grown so rapidly in recent years that nearly half the couples who marry now, or begin committed relationships, meet each other through Internet websites.
Love is blind, they used to say. And as this new technique for finding the love of your life grows, swindlers are cashing in on those eyesight problems. Many who use the services are emotionally vulnerable and easy to fleece.
So vulnerable, the FBI said in a 2016 report, scammers stole more than a billion dollars from them that year. The losses and emotional pain are expected to grow.
That’s what this book is about. It explains how the scammers work, how they think and plot, and how you can detect and avoid them. It’s a very personal story, written by Clarence Jones, one of America’s most honored investigative reporters.
After a divorce, Jones signed up with two online dating services. He was astounded by the massive fraud and deception he encountered. To do the research for this book, he eventually became a member of a dozen services. He divides them into two types – Meetup dating sites and Hookup dating sites.
He learned that many Hookup websites are actually interactive pornography, where members – both men and women – are fully nude in their profile photos. On some of the overloaded Hookup sites, virtually all the members you’ll chat with are phony “bots” cleverly designed to increase profits for the website owner.
Some websites specialize in helping husbands and wives cheat on their spouses. And some of Hookup websites have become today’s version of a pimp – a clever way to manage escorts and prostitutes and avoid prosecution.
He’ll walk you through the process he encountered, step-by-step. Then show you how to detect fictitious members who claim to have fallen in love with you. If you’re searching for a date -- or or the love of your life -- this book can save you a lot of money; and help you avoid a lot of embarrassment and emotional distress.
Clarence Jones
Clarence Jones is an on-camera coach who teaches media survival skills. He knows what he's talking about. After 30 years of reporting in both newspapers and television, he wrote Winning with the News Media - A Self-Defense Manual When You're the Story. Now in its 9th Edition, many call it "the bible" on news media relations. Then he formed his own media relations firm to (in his words) "teach people like you how to cope with SOBs like me." At WPLG-TV in Miami, he was one of the nation's most-honored reporters. He won four Emmys and became the first reporter for a local station to ever win three duPont-Columbia Awards - TV's equivalent of the Pulitzer Prize. In addition to his day job as a news media consultant, he writes more books and magazine articles. He builds his own computers and invents clever devices to for his sailboat. Nine of his books are now available in both print and e-book formats -- Winning with the News Media, They're Gonna Murder You (his memoirs), Sweetheart Scams - Online Dating's Billion Dollar Swindle, LED Basics - Choosing and Using the Magic Light, Sailboat Projects, More Sailboat Projects, Webcam Savvy for the Job or the News, Webcam Savvy for Telemedicine, and Filming Family History. Clarence started working full-time as a daily newspaper reporter while he was earning his journalism degree at the University of Florida. He was named Capitol correspondent in Tallahassee for the Florida Times-Union one year after graduating from college. Six years later, as one of the nation's most promising young journalists, he was granted a Nieman Fellowship at Harvard University. After Harvard, he was hired by the Miami Herald, where he was part of a year-long investigation that resulted in corruption charges against the sheriff and his top aides. The Herald stories led to a referendum that abolished the office of sheriff. Miami-Dade is the only county in Florida with an appointed public safety director. Clarence covered Martin Luther King's Civil Rights campaign all across the South for the Herald. His last newspaper position was Washington correspondent for the Herald. He then moved to Louisville, Kentucky to work under deep cover for eight months, investigating political and law enforcement corruption for WHAS-TV. Posing as a gambler, he visited illegal bookie joints daily, carrying a hidden camera and tape recorder. His documentaries during a two-year stint in Louisville gained immediate national attention. He returned to Miami in 1972 to become the investigative reporter for WPLG-TV, the ABC affiliate owned by Post-Newsweek Corp. Specializing in organized crime and law enforcement corruption, his work at WPLG earned four Emmys and three duPont-Columbia Awards (television's equivalent of the Pulitzer Prize). He also won the Robert F. Kennedy Award for "The Billion-Dollar Ghetto," a 10-story series that examined the causes of the riots that burned much of Liberty City and killed 18 people in 1980. While he was reporting, he taught broadcast journalism for five years as an adjunct professor at the University of Miami. He lives near the mouth of Tampa Bay, where he sails a 28-foot Catalina, and frequently publishes magazine articles showing how to make gadgets and accessories he invents for his boat. All of his books are available in both print and e-book versions.
Read more from Clarence Jones
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Book preview
Sweetheart Scams - Clarence Jones
Foreword
Even though I’m a former investigative reporter, I was astounded by the number of swindlers I found prowling online dating websites when I joined one after my unexpected divorce.
Almost half the people who now marry or move in together meet on the Internet. And most are completely unaware of the huge number of bots and shills lurking there. Their real goal is to steal your money. After they steal your heart.
So in this book I’ll show you:
How the swindlers choose you
How they’ll approach you
How to recognize a scammer’s pitch
How to protect your bank and brokerage accounts
How to avoid a lot of heartache
This book is written from personal experience. I joined an online dating service to find the last great love of my life. Digital dating services are the new personals
of the old newspaper era. And their popularity is booming.
But instead of a lover, I found a system of massive deceit and deception. And that aroused my old investigative reporting instincts.
Why Can’t They See This?
Why can’t these people see what’s going on? I wondered. How could anyone fall for that?
Then I realized the truth of that old saying: Love is blind. And loneliness makes you emotionally vulnerable. Particularly if you’re an older widow, or a newly divorced retiree.
A large life insurance benefit after your spouse’s death can also make you less cautious financially. The FBI calls the swindlers using online dating websites Sweetheart Scammers.
During the 2016 calendar year, 14,546 victims filed complaints with the FBI, reporting they had lost $219,807,760 to swindlers through internet dating websites.
Too Embarrassed to Report
Most people are too embarrassed to report their loss when they learn they’ve been conned. So the FBI figures are just a small fraction of the actual number of victims and money stolen. That puts the probable losses at more than a billion dollars.
In May, 2017, the website StatisticBrain.com reported that 50 million Americans had used online dating websites – about 90 per cent of all those who were single.
Some Members Not Single
Of course, some of those using the online dating websites are not single. The Pew Research Center and Consumer Reports had similar estimates for the number of people who were involved in online dating.
Match.com was by far the largest service, with 24.5 million members, followed by EHarmony.com with 17.5 million. Match.com was founded in 1993, and also owns OKCupid, Tinder, and PlentyOfFish. It became a publicly-owned company in 2015.
Almost Half Meet Online
That same StatisticBrain report claimed that 37 per cent of those who currently marry or form committed relationships met through online dating services. The number of males and females involved in online dating was split almost evenly.
A Consumer Reports survey about the same time was even higher, showing 44 per cent of couples who were recently married or formed committed relationships met online.
I’ll show you later in this book how swindlers use very different tactics to con men and women.
The Risk is Huge
The risk for those who fall in love online with someone they’ve never met is HUGE.
The largest single swindle I found in my research was a female guest on the Doctor Phil TV show. She was deeply in love with a man she had never met.
He was an American, supposedly trying to get out of Africa so he could return to the U.S. to live happily ever after with her.
He had bounced from one African country to another, she said, and kept getting arrested on bogus charges at airports as he was trying to leave.
Most of the money she had sent him was requested to bail him out of those jails – a total of $1.4 million. Doctor Phil could not convince her that she was the victim of a swindler.
Meetups and Hookups
As I explored the online dating world, I quickly learned there is a vast range of website types, and a large number of different techniques to take your money. I put them into two categories:
Meetup Websites and
Hookup Websites
If some of the terms I’m using are new to you, there’s a chapter decoding the words, phrases and abbreviations used in dating websites.
Many of the Hookup Websites are actually interactive pornography. The profiles, photos and descriptions of what members are searching for are in stark contrast to the more quaint Meetup Websites where nude photos and detailed conversations about sex are banned.
I will show you what I found on the Hookup Websites. So if you think you might be offended, skip those chapters.
What Turns You On?
I also learned more in this process about my own needs, longing for a partner, and sense of self. As an amateur psychologist and sociologist, I have always been fascinated and curious about how sexual turn-ons are created.
In chatting online with prospective dates, I was frequently asked about what kind of woman I was looking for, and what turns me on. I had to think about that before answering.
The Mirror Lies
It is fascinating that almost all online dating members write that they look younger than their actual age or their website photo. The mirror apparently lies to all of us.
As a former investigative reporter, I think of myself as a fairly sophisticated consumer who is much harder to swindle than most people.
But the scammers are so skillful, I became much too involved with several of them before I realized what was happening, and backed away.
Detecting Scammers
Those interchanges gave me a lot of insight into how the scammers work, so I can tell you what to look out for. I’ll show you how to test whether that incredibly attractive person out there in cyberspace is a real person or a complete phony.
Many of the people you’ll meet online are actually computer-generated robots (bots) designed to increase your credit card charges or empty your bank account.
Please Give Feedback
I’d love your feedback, and your stories about your online dating experiences, to include in future versions of this book.
With today’s print-on-demand technology, both the print and digital versions of this book can be instantly edited.
I hope you find the spouse, friend and/or lover you’re looking for, without being scammed.
Back to Table of Contents
Chapter One
My First Online Affair
About two months after my divorce, I decided to subscribe to an online dating service. I’m a former reporter, now a full-time writer, working out of a home office. So there was no way to meet women at the office.
The first website I tried was OurTime.com, one of the major dating services aimed at members over 50 years old.
A Flirt
From Lucy
To my surprise, about 20 minutes after I signed up online, I received a flirt.
She said her name was Lucy. She was gorgeous (above).
The Photo Was Probably Hacked
I’ve covered part of her face to disguise her, because it may not be her at all. The photo is probably a woman whose computer was hacked and her identity stolen.
Lucy and I began to exchange messages. She said she lived in Indiana, but was traveling on business in Malaysia.The big difference in our ages didn’t matter, she said. Age is just a number.
I would hear that same phrase