Men Don't Listen

What is Being Said 

Men Don’t Listen is a.k.a. It May Seem Men Don’t Listen

• My wife was venting and I just listened. I didn’t say a word. Every once in awhile I said, ‘Wow’ or I understand. ‘ It worked. She felt much better after she vented. I listened because I had just read the book. I liked it. It is a good book. Frank Cipolla, TV 12, Morning Edition Show.

• I was very impressed with Wayne’s analysis of men and their emotional suppression. Unfortunately in our society, men are taught not to express their feelings and, what’s even worse, to not to even know what they are. And so, when they are attempting to communicate with women or an important partner or a family member, it’s very hard to listen because they don’t have the language and don’t have the inner experience to match up with what women or children or adolescence are typically saying to them. I think his point and his analysis of that and some suggestions about how to overcome that were very, very important and extremely helpful... .One of the things that was so wonderful about your book, was that you had a lot of terrific lists about what’s fun, what’s playful, finding the child inside yourself. Going back to very basic pleasures that people can share and that can enhance a relationship. Bonnie Markman, Ph.D. Psychologist, TV show, People, Places & Things

• When I received your book here at Book Beat, I shared it with the other employees. The stories shared from the people in your book helped us get close to them. The problems and solutions made us feel that we knew the people. They were all very moving. Kathy Smith, Book Beat TV Show

• Wayne L. Misner writes about male-female relationships from a gender neutral position, but as a man has plenty to say about the differences between men and women that often get in the way of successful love, with the credibility that only a male could bring to an analysis of his own gender in relationships. Talkers Magazine (The Bible of Talk Radio and New Talk Media) Guest Notes Editor Mona The Lip Lipschtz

• Wayne, this is a book that should be widely read. It is full of wisdom and beauty and has the potential to change lives. You have obviously spent a lot of effort on thinking about the issues, researching, reading as well as writing. The book is the distillation of your life’s experience and will help its readers to achieve intimacy and understanding with the other gender. Chapter 2, ‘Where am I? has helped me, personally. I am very goal-oriented. Everything is always for a purpose. I often stumble through life, painfully banging myself about, because my eyes are, firmly fixed on the far view. Wayne, you helped me to remember life is a journey, not a destination. I must get my enjoyment from the here-and-now, for the future will certainly be different from what I expected. Dr. Robert Rich, M. Sc., Ph.D., M.A.P.S, Associate Member, APS College of Counseling Psychologists, author of Anger and Anxiety (How To Be in Charge of Your Emotions and Control Phobias)

• "I read your book and added it to my book list. I love it! Look under the new heading, Marital & Relationships at my web site:

http://drirene .com/book_shelf.htm. Thank you very much, and best wishes for your continued success. With this book, you can’t miss!" Dr. Irene Matiatoes, PhD Psychologist One of the most award winning web sites (drirene.com)

• "A Must To Read! Ah! A great book about men their hidden feelings and why it seems they don’t listen. It is a book that open doors into the world of men! Great book to have on your bookshelves, well-written and not only for men, but women as well. Offers outstanding insights into the world of men. The author has great talent for writing with word picturing though out the book! I absolutely will use it in my Relationship Workshops!" Pattimari Sheets, Relationship Therapist

• When’s the last time you played in the lawn sprinkler with your spouse? Or took a walk together in the rain? Had a pillow fight? Or skipped rocks across the lake? Took the day off from work with no particular plan in mind, other than to spend the day with the one you love? When’s the last time you felt truly alive, giddy, like a child at play? According to Wayne Misner, author of Men Don’t Listen, people take life too seriously. What we need to do is find the little boy and little girl within ourselves and get them to come out and play. Mike Sieger, Associate Editor Hometown Journal

• It May Seem, Men Don’t Listen is a self-help manual that provides two important functions. First, author Wayne L. Misner illuminates the inner workings of the male psyche to help women gain insights that will open channels of communication with the men in their lives. Secondly, Mr. Misner examines the ways in which society dictates the behavior of men, so that men themselves can better access their emotions and get in touch with the true self that is often obscured while trying to conform to societal expectations of manly"

behavior. Through this two-fold approach, Mr. Misner facilitates a fluid dialogue between the sexes that will break down the barriers that impede reciprocal understanding. Mr. Misner often appeals to women’s more sensitive (and in some ways less vulnerable) nature to suggest strategies that will nurture trust and openness in men. Couples who read this helpful and accessible text can hope to enhance the quality of their lives. Not only does Mr. Misner provide ways in which men and women can improve the quality of their relationships, but he also offers fresh approaches to time management and interpersonal skills that will alleviate stress and bring love and success into their lives."Rutledge Books editor.

• Wayne Misner’s self-help book,, It May Seem, Men Don’t Listen, is written for anyone who has been frustrated by the male-female relationships and wants guidance with understanding the opposite sex and improving communication... .While the title of this manuscript is sure to draw female attention, this book is for men as well. The author speaks to each group independently at times and other times to both in general. Target readership would include married couples, people recovering from divorce, singles in relationships, singles frustrated by male-female differences, couples trying to save a relationship, and anyone studying interpersonal communication skills. I strongly recommend It May Seem Men Don’t Listen for publication by Pentland press. This is a worthy self-help publication written with heart, not theory, and therefore should have a unique identity amongst the rest.Pentland Press reader’s report.

• Hi Wayne-Excellent book you have there. I do like your concepts a lot, and think the book can help a lot of people. Bookpublishing.com Managing Editor, Jim Barnes

• This is a clear and well organized book that provides couples with all the ammunition they need to put their lives together back on a positive footing. The author deals with various aspects of relationships, dealing with commonly encounted problems at appropriate length. He writes with an impressive ‘gender neutrality’: the manuscript deals with men’s and women’s attitudes and needs in equal depth, rarely offering a value judgement (‘men are wrong to want this’, etc.) . This inclusiveness is perhaps It May Seem, Men Don’t Listens key strength: the book can be read by partners, each of whom will feel the author is speaking to them and will therefore take notice of what is being said. Minerva Press Submission Report.

• "I have finished reading It May Seem Men Don’t Listen. I liked it very much. Imperium Proviso Publishing senior editor

• It May Seem Men Don’t Listen offers a work in which you seek to extend your concepts for helping a man deal with emotions, learn to express feelings in a positive manner, and communicate his feelings to important people in his life. Dorrance Publishing Co Managing Director

• Hope you have a terrific 2001. PS. Enjoyed your book. Health Concepts Corporation President Jim Morresy

MEN DON’T LISTEN

by

WAYNE L. MISNER

Writer’s Showcase

San Jose, New York, Lincoln, Shanghai

Men Don’t Listen

All Rights Reserved. Copyright © 2001 by Wayne L. Misner

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage or retrieval system, without the permission in writing from the publisher.

Writer’s Showcase an imprint of iUniverse.com, Inc.

For information address: iUniverse.com, Inc. 5220 S 16th, Ste. 200 Lincoln, NE 68512 www.iuniverse.com

ISBN: 978-1-4759-0209-9 (ebook)

ISBN: 978-0-5950-8955-0 (sc)

Contents

What is Being Said

EXHIBITS

ALL I ASK—

INTRODUCTION

One

Two

Three

Four

Five

Six

Seven

EXHIBIT 4

EXHIBIT 5

EXHIBIT 6

EXHIBIT 7

EXHIBIT 9

WORKS CITED:

SUGGESTED MOVIES:

FOR FURTHER READING:

About the Author

TO ALL THE WOMEN WHO ARE TRYING TO BE HEARD

EXHIBITS 

EXHIBIT 1 WHY WE DON’T HEAR OTHERS

EXHIBIT 2 THE IDEAL RELATIONSHIP

EXHIBIT 3 TIMESAVING LIST

EXHIBIT 4 FUN & COMFORT LIST

EXHIBIT 5 LOVE LIST

EXHIBIT 6 HOUSE LIST

EXHIBIT 7 SEX LIST

EXHIBIT 8 KIDS LIST

EXHIBIT 9 LOVE SURPRISE LIST

WORKS CITED:

*SUGGESTED MOVIES:

FOR FURTHER READING:

ALL I ASK— 

All I ask of a woman is that she shall feel gently

towards me when my heart feels kindly towards her, and there shall be the soft, soft tremor as of unheard

bells between us. It is all I ask.

I am so tired of violent women lashing out

and insisting on being loved, when there is no love in them.

D.H. Lawrence¹

INTRODUCTION 

There is a big misconception that men do not want to hear. It is more accurate to say, they do not dare to feel.

The title of this book is, Men Don’t Listen⁶², but, actually, man have misplaced their ability to feel (emotions not pain) as they were growing up. This book is designed to give the reader tools that might not have been available in the past. The reader may not have been aware of how to take the steps needed to build an understanding and enjoyable, long-term relationship. Each individual should examine himself and determine exactly what it is he desires. Make an effort to examine the good, as well as the bad, in all people involved in your life. The positives, as well as the negatives, of all human interactions should be considered. Most of us have people in our lives—parents, siblings, significant others, children. It requires love, compromise, negotiation, insight, and trust to get along on an everyday basis. Is it worth it? If he succeeds, yes, a thousand times, yes. Victory is in forming a close family unit. This family talks and laughs openly, shares the work load, comes together for meaningful holidays, and gives emotional support to one another in times of need.

Each chapter covers an area with different viewpoints and the meaning of each. Each topic will be arranged with beginning points and examination of current ways of thinking about these points. The material is aimed at pinpointing real needs and suggestions for ways to change old patterns that might be interfering with achieving a healthy relationship. This book continues to highlight areas where feelings are avoided, hints to a more fulfilling love, and methods of showing and demonstrating love. Case histories will give the readers insight and knowledge.

WHY DID I WRITE THIS BOOK?

TO GIVE HOPE TO THOSE WHO HAVE NONE.

At first we hope too much, later on, not enough.

Joseph Roux, Meditations of a Parish Priest (1886),5.8, TR. Isabel F. Hapgood.

This is the first book that I have written. (Although I have written many articles from installing hospital systems to nursing home procedures.) What makes me an expert like the old saying goes, is that I have been there and done that. I was raised by my divorced mother in the depressed area of Union City, New Jersey. My dad left (and also divorced me) when I was nine years old. I do not remember much about him prior to that age. All I do remember is his anger and that at times he hit me for no other reason than the fact that I was there. Most of the time, I believe, he worked late and did not get home until after I was in bed.

As I grew up, I belonged to a club called the Blue Birds. (Each member of the club had a bluebird tattoo on his left biceps.) It was a gang of guys, fighting many battles in the back streets of a city. I was lucky I did not get killed or end up in jail. I dropped out of high school after three months, had all kinds of odd jobs, and eventually joined the Service. After boot camp I was shipped over to the Korean War at the ripe old age of seventeen. I received an Honorable Discharge with the Korean Service Medal with a Bronze Service Star, United Nations Service Medal, National Defense Service Medal, and at the age of twenty, was as hard as a rock (which I believe many men become, although in different circumstances than mine).

It has taken me all this time, research, heartaches, rap sessions, help groups, and more to gain the knowledge that I am sharing with my readers—the knowledge came with a terrible price tag. I give it to all men free for the taking. Let me add to this the fact that I did eventually earn my G.E.D. and then received my diploma in accounting by taking night and weekend courses as I worked during the day. I have supplemented my education by taking virtually hundreds of certificate courses for the last thirty-five years.

Over all these years I have been successful in working in a great many acute care and rehabilitation hospitals. (There I also have taken many courses, including facilitating courses to monitor self-help groups.) I have worked my way up the ladder to become Assistant Administrator of a large New Jersey hospital, president and founder of various trade associations, and as facilitator for many adult help groups. While at one of the rehabilitation hospitals, I was a facilitator of the women’s program for both in-patients and outpatients.

Recently, I’ve started my own company as a hospital consultant. Apparently, this is my next challenge, but hopefully will prove rewarding. The satisfaction gained from success in the many jobs and positions I’ve held pales when compared with the joy of realizing internal growth. That growth and maturation appeared as a result of my discovery of feelings. Personal satisfaction derives from getting inside myself and having the ability to share those feelings, methods, secrets, tricks, and in a way now, bringing them to all men.

"Man is more interesting then men.

God made him and not them in his image.

Each one is more precious than all."

Andre Gide, Journals, 1896, tr. Justin O’Brie

UNDERSTANDING THE APPROACH

Word Picture (wurd pik’t ur): a description in words, especially one that is unusually vivid.

When explaining a concept, I will attempt to build an image in your mind by associating it with a pictorialization of something tangible. A word picture is worth a thousand words. In addition, within each chapter are jokes, popular quotations, and profound points by other well known authors from a wide variety of sources to add a little punch. Some are humorous and others profound. But, the word pictures, quotations, humorous pieces, and profound points are all to help you understand and enforce the concepts.

I recommend before you read this book you study EXHIBIT 1 (at the end of the book) WHY WE DON’T HEAR OTHERS (It was written by M. McKay, M. Davis, and P. Fanning in ‘Messages, the Communication Skills Book.) You should try to apply the concepts while reading the rest of this book.

STATISTICS CAN BE MISLEADING

What is the average? What is normal? Wow! What an interesting question. The answer can prove as difficult to arrive at as the question that is being asked. I was listening to the weatherman the other day. He gave the average and normal temperature for a week in July.

July 1, 99 degrees

July 2, 97 degrees

July 3, 95 degrees

July 4, 88 degrees

July 5, 88 degrees

July 6, 80 degrees

July 7, 78 degrees

So what is the average? The answer is 89.285 degrees. What is the normal? For the first week of July the normal temperature is 84 degrees, based on all the statistics taken in previous years.

My point in this exercise just completed is not ONE of the days in the above July week was the average of 89.285 or the normal of 84 degrees. That’s right, not ONE.

By employing the same concept learned in the Temperature study, one will come to understand the use of an average or normal composite of men for this book. The real man will never match an average or normal individual. The men in this book are all the individuals added together. A real man is unique i.e., a DNA, original, individual, one of a kind, a snowflake. (No two snowflakes are ever the same.) Men must remember as they read the contents of this book, that not one man would fit any description exactly. He might fit some points, be better in others, or be worse in a few. Using generalities can be subject to controversies, so it is up to you to admit to yourself where you need to improve and have enough intestinal fortitude to change. From what I have written, if I can help just a few men to grow, understand, or save a relationship I will have accomplished my dream.

I give too many examples of lists in this book and have made them intentionally long. They are longer than you would want your list to be. I’m trying to give examples and help the reader with various ideas. It is up to the reader to pick and choose from the list I started for you by substituting your own items. Also, some ideas, which require money, would of course, only be used for those who can afford to use that idea. If you can’t do some