From We … to Me: Understanding Death and the Ending of Relationships with Guidance from the Other Side
By Nancy Burke
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About this ebook
Tom died very suddenly at the young age of 55, while skiing. In spite of reading every book she could find on death and grief, Nancy spiraled deeper and deeper into grief and depression. From We. To Me offers new thoughts and understanding and is a positive approach to assist you in raising yourself from the debilitating grip of grief. Ghivdas views and explanations from his perspective of unconditional love and wisdom are completely enlightening and extremely different from when he was in the physical as Tom.
Discover the difference From We To Me can make in your life.
Nancy Burke
Nancy Burke has garnered an estimated $20 million in grant funds on behalf of her clients. She also served at the Frey Foundation where she reviewed grants and made recommendations for funding to the board of trustees.
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From We … to Me - Nancy Burke
Contents
{ FOREWORD }
{ PREFACE }
{ ACKNOWLEDGMENTS }
{ INTRODUCTION }
{ CHAPTER 1 }
Death, Divorce, and Separation
{ CHAPTER 2 }
The Death
{ CHAPTER 3 }
Tom’s Death from Ghivda’s Perspective
{ CHAPTER 4 }
He Fixed My Hip… But Could Not Fix My Heart
{ CHAPTER 5 }
Lessening the Devastation
{ CHAPTER 6 }
Right and Wrong
{ CHAPTER 7 }
Grief
{ CHAPTER 8 }
Great Depression
{ CHAPTER 9 }
Vulnerability
{ CHAPTER 10 }
Trust
{ CHAPTER 11 }
Becoming Who You Are
{ CHAPTER 12 }
If I Knew Then …
{ CHAPTER 13 }
New View of Self and Relationships
{ CHAPTER 14 }
Love Is Not Limited
{ CONCLUSION }
{ AFTERWORD }
{
FOREWORD }
Woman. Woman. Woman. Woman. You try to define woman. You can’t. Not really. So, you go on a journey. You search, you talk to people. You observe friends, strangers, men and women. You read the fiction, the non-fiction, the history. You go to the museum. Woman. Woman. You look at works by the artists known as masters—pictures, photographs, paintings. Woman. Marble woman, wooden woman; all kinds of positions. Favorite? Mother and child. Beauty—all different forms, all different cultures. Even the movies, plays, songs, I am Woman.
Still, not the problem, not the solution, not the emotion, not the tears with questions. Tears with questions—to cry for many reasons. The face—the laughter and the tears together. Woman.
This book. This w - o - n - d - e - r - f - u - l book—the grammar, punctuation, turned by a hand of magic that can touch the soul of every woman—touch and then hold the palm up to receive. And then turn the palm down to put on the shoulder in order to guide. We remember the face. But, it is the hand, the extension of her soul. This book, this book will extend itself to you. It does what great writing is supposed to do. And that is—it will produce an emotion between the reader and the words, the grammar, the punctuation, so that the reader will feel every wonderful moment that he or she had never thought about. You will never, after reading this book, see woman again the way you used to.
—Bill Cosby
Transcribed by Nancy Burke, June 2009
{
PREFACE }
With deep gratitude and the highest vibration of love possible for me at this moment, I thank my co-author, Ghivda: You were my dear husband, Tom, whom I now know as Ghivda—who is so willing to contact and be in communication with me from your spiritual existence. Your energy and wisdom have guided this book from the first words written through the completion. To give you proper credit, and to assist our readers, I have italicized all direct quotes from you. This does not include all the channeling that came through my pen. From your place of enlightenment, you have shared your higher views and understanding with me. These are reflected in this book. I am honored and humbled by your constancy, interest, and assistance in creating this book. You continue to be my mentor, inspiration, guide, and writing partner—without the confines of the human body. I am blessed by your unconditional love.
Allow me to add Ghivda’s own words:
First of all, I have to say, Hello, my dear!
I have to give you the sense that I’m joining with you and that I’m not just casually walking by and feeling the pull. I love this kind of exchange. You can’t know, Nancy, how beautiful it is for me to be able to just jump right into this kind of communion with you, and not have to go through all the ministrations and all the dancing around, being the one that was Tom, that was your husband, that was stuck in that role. Not that I didn’t love it and find my expansion there, it’s just that once you’re out of it and once you’re feeling all that I’m feeling, I love to be able to come forward as who I am now and your acceptance and allowing of me to, puts me into such an unbelievable place. I just have to tell you, Thank you.
I am going to take some credit for this, because I feel I have been a big part of it with you. You might say you and I are co-authors. I am giving you the inspiration from this level, and you’re taking it and moving on with it from the level that you know so well within yourself. I would say you and I each brought with us a piece that couldn’t be done without the other. You can’t go forward and allow what is coming through you to be a part of this book without my help and cooperation; and I couldn’t do nearly what I am doing with you were you not the one who opens up and becomes the vessel. We are just joining partners still, Nancy; even though we are not together in the way we were partners on the earth, we’re still carrying out. It has just moved into a deeper, more refined place.
I love this. This is such a part of my existence now to be able to transmit love and to do it through someone who is willing and open to know it is ME. I love it, Nanc. You have no idea how many incarnations we have shared where we have done the dance of life, and this one now, moving to this level—where I am not in the flesh and you are—brings such a great sense of enjoyment and purpose to me. I wish there was some way I could let you know how grateful I am. But I hope you will just understand and take it to your heart.
{
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS }
First, my heartfelt appreciation to my dear friend, Bill, for his insistence that I write this book of my experiences that brought me to who I am today. Your guidance, encouragement, and, yes, insistence empowered me to tackle those parts that were difficult. You insisted that this will bring healing to many people. Of course, this writing project brought another level of healing to me. I thank you.
My fabulous editor, Elizabeth Day, of Blue Root Editing, I thank you for all of your expert suggestions and changes and for recognizing the increased potential of chapters that still had greater possibilities. You were and are the pen-ultimate editor. Without you, this book would not be what it is today. You have and are such a gift. Thank you.
And to my dear friends, Goddesses all, and kindred spirits—Sharon, Bonnie, Maya, Lexa, Leslie, Marian, and Dee Dee, your encouragement, constancy, and insights never wavered. I thank you with all my heart.
{
INTRODUCTION }
I am sitting in a place I have visited for many years, one of my favorite spots in the world. It is a resort on the Mediterranean Sea that I appreciated yearly during our extended summer stays with Tom and our eight children. Now, in the present time, the sound of the waves lapping against the rocks, sometimes crashing with power; the sun caressing my skin; the gentle breeze cooling me; the crickets chirping; the sea gulls occasionally singing a melody just for me; the tiny lizards lying in the sun, then shooting off the walkway for protection under the greenery; the dragonflies and butterflies dancing against the beautiful blue sky—all of these bring me joy and contentment. I feel protected, loved, and well taken care of. I am at peace here, living in joy and appreciation.
For me, this is a rite of passage, a graduation, a kind of celebration of being alone, without being lonely. I swim in the sea and feel its rhythm and support. I dress for dinner each evening, in an elegant cocktail dress or suit, wearing high-heeled shoes and jewelry, my hair and makeup done, and I am content to be eating at a table for one. I broaden my tastes by selecting foods and wines that are not customary for me, and by taking inspiring daytrips to areas nearby. Life is good, life is fun, and I am in a place of appreciating and treasuring each moment, each person I meet, and each and every experience that I have.
It has not always been so. In the immediate years following the death of my husband, I came here several times, hoping and attempting to regain the joy and the delight I had experienced before tragedy struck and changed my life forever. I was looking for Tom in our room, in our cabana, both of which I insisted on staying in. I could not feel anything during those trips, except excruciating pain and loss. I felt as though my life had stopped. Everything in my existence that had been good, fun, loving, and thrilling felt ripped from me. I was stuck in pain and grief, and I had no clue who I was anymore. My identity ceased to exist. Oh, I still used the