Secrets of Love, Marriage, Sex, Genius, Success, and Happiness: Analytic View According to the Recent Scientific Studies

Part One

Secrets of Love

Chapter 1

Sense of Love

What is love?

The Thousand and One Nights tell us when the minister’s daughter sat down in the window to see outside, she turned around and saw a young man among the soldiers, not hiding a more beautiful view than he; his face was bright, cheerful, and large, and his shoulders were wide. She looked again several times, but she was not satisfied with this, so she took an apple and threw it at him. When he raised his head, he saw the minister’s daughter; she was as beautiful as a full moon in orbit. He did not look again, because he adored her and had a busy mind. When she came back from the window and slept in her bed, she thought deeply. She brought pen and paper and wrote Anas Elwegod. She wrote a letter filled with lovely words of her fondness and her inner consciousness. She rolled the letter into a piece of embroidered silk and put it under the pillow.

This is love… love from the first look.

This event between Anas Elwegod and the minister’s daughter happens between lovers every day and every moment. When the woman sees him, her heart vibrates, and when he looks at her, his feelings swing. We read about it in poetry and literature and see it in the cinema in beautiful movies. Richard Gere was Anas Elwegod, Julia Ormand was the minister’s daughter, and Sean Connery was the despotic minister. The great artists separated the lovers’ hearts and burned them. In addition, the Greek myths portrayed love as a young child playing with gold and silver arrows. He shoots his arrows, and then Jasper changes both. This child is also blind, so he does not choose his victims from lovers, and this meaning is true and proper because one who loves does not know why he loves or why this person in particular. He does not know what it means when he feels it or how.

Love is blind and ambiguous, and you may find a lady of twenty years who loves a man of fifty years. She pretends that she loves this man, and she cannot bear to be far from him, but he cannot accept her love. However, she insists, as if he were the last man in the world and as if she does not see any other and does not feel that way about any other. When you ask her, she says, I do not know why or how I love him. However, I do not want anyone else. I feel I am stuck on him. He attracts me to him as if I am a soporific magnet; therefore, I have lost my will, and I think of him night and day. I am delighted by the sight of him and his voice. He enjoys me, and my heart’s purpose is to be beside him. I love him very much, but I am so very sad. When you ask her what makes her admire him, immediately she replies that it is everything—his wisdom, his situation, his maturity, and his manhood with which he combines experience and a personal strength. Then she says sadly, But he is married and has sons older than I. Also, he does not try to cheat me. Finally, she says that she will remain with him. Truly, you may shake your head and wonder, saying that this young lady might be crazy and deceived.

But who says that love has to be of the logic and the intellect?

It is crazy and mutinous.

You may be in love with a lady for months, years, but you do not know how to say so to her, because you do not have the courage to talk.

In addition, you can love a woman and not say so to her, even though you speak to her several times about all subjects except this—the love that overflows from your heart and occupies your mind. She may love you too, but she is a prisoner of silence like you.

You may be in love with a woman, but she cannot feel your approach to her, so she keeps away from you; nevertheless, you come to her. She avoids you. You are interested in her. She neglects you. You try to get to her, but she escapes from you. You love her, but she does not love you. You cannot imagine your life without her, because she does not look like any other lady.

Moreover, she seems like a queen, and the others like bondmaids around her. She is beautiful, intelligent, and cultured, but the other women are empty of brains and dull. Actually, they are minor in your eyes, but she fills your sight, your heart, and your mind. She fills every part of you.

You try to draw her attention to you any way you can, but you fail. You try to impose your presence upon her heart. It does not pass upon it, except like the passing of a shadow. However, you can see her at a distance, and you watch her observation turn. You watch every turn and movement and consider both silences. You may also see that everything of her seems beautiful, as if she is a solo creature. She seems like an angel or saint; when you look at her, you see the ideal for the charming, the coquetry, and the femininity of women. If she is thin, her thinness will be your wish; if she has short hair, you prefer that haircut. Also, if she is short, then you do not like tall women, or if her laugh is higher, then you will be lucky without doubt, because she is not ashamed like you. If she wears makeup, then you will love her modern and new ways. If she is among many people, you will feel jealousy, but you admire her freedom and her social personality.

With this love, you suffer, because love on only one side is real torture. We love those who do not feel that way for us, and for those who actually love us, we do not feel love. You are suffering, because you do not lose the hope. Although you are immersed, you will hang up the life saver, because this hope is the great thing in life, and when it dies, the collar becomes like straw and you drown.

The torture of love is imposed, as its poverty is also required, and an alienation from the beloved is one of the sharpest love ills. Eagerness is one of the symptoms of love. In addition, love is a disease; it strikes the heart with its vitality and activity and also the soul by its lightness and transparency. The feeling and response are smooth, and there is no medicine for it. Love is torture, poverty, and unhappiness that must be suffered.

Maybe you love a woman, but you do not see her and she does not see you. You have not met her, and she has not met you. So she is untouchable to the hands, and she does not look in your eyes. Moreover, everything is done across the wires of the telephone or email; these wires or Internet join the lovers and link the lovers with life.

They are also the hope and the arteries through which the warming speeches run with the love, along with the nostalgia, the eagerness, and the thawing. Therefore, maybe in the beginning, it is an improper number according to play, but how quickly it turns serious, and both of you cling to the end.

Consequently, not only does the telephone become an important tool between them, but it is also considered the greatest necessity in existence. If it stops or breaks down, the artery will stop carrying the blood, and when the blood stops flowing, the heart suffocates and the body dies.

With this love, everyone sees and feels with another something that he cannot renounce. He could be addicted, so the love is addictive, and in this addiction, he may addict someone or something, which he does not know about. Therefore, he is not able to catch it, and he cannot change its words to flesh and blood, nor do the nerves have life and become an entity or existence.

Anyway, the love is a torture to each, because it is a permanent poverty, eagerness, and nostalgia. If he becomes sick, she will desire to be with him to touch his hand with her tears. But this love is absent and paralytic, so it is weak, like the web of a spider. This spider does not nest except in the imagination of the lovers.

This love is imagination and illusion.

Because love has an imagination and illusion.

And a craziness. Kais—what are the things he looked at in Laila?

He looked at something as a product of his imagination and his feeling, and he believed in this thing, so it became great in his mind; his ghosts increased and overcame him, but he did not see them and they would not be felt except by her. So, she is in his eyes, his head, his ears, and his feet. When she comes, he sees, but he sees only her; if he hears, he hears only her, and if he walks, he walks only with her. These ghosts are despotic and do not leave him; it was called Laila, but it was the Laila who was in his imagination and not the Laila who was human.

And when they said to him, Look for another besides Laila; then if she appears through yourself like poplar, every one of her organs would be tired and a failure.

But he said, If you were crazy, look; you would not see Laila, except the fantastic, then you see her eyes. While the crazy person sees her arrows, you see her hair. When the crazy man sees her, she melts. Also, you see her lips and her teeth, while the crazy man is fond of her pleasant smile. Because the Laila the people see is not the Laila the crazy man sees. By the way, he sees something in her, which is different, as if he feels she is a different creature from the one other people know and see.

The crazy man is the poet, and poets are the most imaginative and sentimental people. Laila, whom the crazy man loves, lived in his imagination before his conscious mind. She lived in his poetry and died in her grave.

The imagination of adoring or the adoring of imagination is related to the soul more than the body. Whenever love is spiritual, whenever love is a great, it cannot be treated.

His father said to him, Who is Laila? You describe her as fantastic and beautiful. She is only a goggle-eyed, short young lady; she is inarticulate. So, you must stop talking about her. You have in front of you other ladies. Maybe you will find another, better than her.

When he heard that, he said, The traitors say to me: ‘Laila is short. Her arms are short and wide, and she is too goggle-eyed to be beautiful. I say a bird’s beauty is in her eyes.

Therefore, Kais does not see Laila’s imperfections, and he does not see her shortness either; nor does he notice her inarticulateness or her goggle eyes. Consequently, he does not see her with his eyes; he sees her with his heart. Therefore, her length, width, and weight are considered trivialities and do not bother him. To him, these are worthless. And if she was very short, if her length were the span of a hand and if her eyes were goggled, he confessed that these were really beautiful. Thus, Laila was in Kais’s eyes and in his imagination.

Not everything in love is imagination; the imagination is the basic element in love, and it is that part from which the beautiful white bird of glass soared permanently. It must not touch the earth, or it will be broken and crash; the lovely bird soars permanently through the sky, and it must not rest. If it feels fatigue and desires comfort, it will crashed into the earth and be broken and die.

Maybe, they are two colleagues at the university, or they were thus in the early stages, but then the work relationship advanced toward a friendship and the clouds quickly came together and rained love. Then, the friendship becomes physically advanced for the colleagues, like love is a natural development from the friendship. A certain amount of time passed during this the friendship before both of them confessed to the other their love. They are persuaded that what they feel is a real love and not spontaneous or feelings of adolescence. So, he does not stop looking at her, and she does not pause in her thinking of him. Moreover, he feels tortured when he is away from her. She cries if he is not with her; he sees her as the nicest lady. She prefers his strength of personality.

She seems to be exactly the woman he is looking for, and he imagines her. He is also her ideal from her youthful dreams and her white knight. On his side, she is the greatest happiness in his life.

Love continues for years, and during these years, it bears the lovely dreams they hold of the world and its width. It is epic and could not be measured from the letters, the gifts, and the talks. However, the great love is not free of the illusions, the suppositions, and the obstacles. So, jealousy takes its role, and the plots occupy their place. Consequently, the two beloved are not free from the envy of a colleague, the hatred of a companion, the gossip of an envious person, or the plans of a plotter. It takes its share from the undulations, the ebb and flow, the winter nights, the cold, the bluster, the concussions of the quakes, the discipline, and the difference between night and day, but the trees are fixed by their roots; they cling to the earth, and the love bends in front of the winds to let them pass peacefully and then return as they were. So, the love remains only if the two beloved intend for it to remain. On other side, the years of study are finished, but the love has not ended. And the youth begins his way and breaks into life, but already another youth has met his beloved; he is older than she by about ten years. As a result, the lady thinks with her brain. Finally, she gets married to him, and the palaces of the loved are broken on the reality. Then, the love has a reality too. It builds up, or it breaks down.

The love has bliss and unhappiness; it also has mystery and secrets, so it has elements of insanity and stubbornness, but docility and lowness too.

Then, what is love?

El-Gahez has two suggestions about love; one is related to love, and the second related to adornment. However, the one related to love is as the name implies; its meaning is drawn from it, and there is no other explanation for it. In the adornment, that love is like a disease hitting the soul; it overwhelms the body, and it is not overcome by it. So, an abatement of the malady’s symptoms are not capable of overcoming except by zeal, and the adornment is composed from love, fondness, similarity, and intimacy.

Then, he believes that love means the word love only; however, the adornment is a disease generated from the love of the great love, and there is no therapy for it, only prevention. As for the discrepancy between love and adornment, Ebn El-Arabi said of them that the adornment is the excess of the lover or the extravagant lover, and this is when the beloved adores; he also says that the adornment is the purpose of the love and that love is a general feature, but the adornment is a special feature. So, its place is in the deepest part of the heart. Similarly, Safs Bros mentioned that adornment is the excess of love and the tendency to that kind of love, and to a person without another by much mention about him and more interests with him too. Consequently, the adornment is the excess of love and strong tendency toward something or someone to the exclusion of others. The tendency is to mention him and show more interest in him. This interest is more than normal.

Therefore, love is the tendency or the attraction to or the fondness of someone; love makes the beloved attractive to him, as if he has no will of his own. He is attracted to another party and has much interest in her, the desire to look at her, and wants her approval and attachment to him. He misses and seeks her company and those nearest to her. He also wants to be alone with his beloved to express his passion for the relationship. Finally, the purpose of this relationship is obtaining the happiness to realize the same. The first degree of love is admiration and then cordiality. Next is the love. Therefore, the love is followed by adornment and after that stronger adornment, and this level is close to madness.

Chapter 2

The Causes of Love

The thread between admiration and love is very thin, and another thin thread increases the sensitivity between the love and the relationship of love. As for the third relationship, it is like the relation between marriage and its phases; the admiration with respect to love is like the engagement with respect to marriage, and it can be interpreted as the phases