Relationship Smart: Love, Courtship, and Marriage for Every Woman

Copyright © 2014 Eziaku Odimuko.

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Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright 1979, 1980, 1982 by Thomas Nelson, inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

WestBow Press

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ISBN: 978-1-4908-4504-3 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4908-4506-7 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4908-4505-0 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2014912872

WestBow Press rev. date: 07/30/2014

Contents

Foreword

Acknowledgments

Introduction

Part 1: Relationship Smart: The Lord and You

1 One Woman’s Encounter with Jesus

2 Prayer and Your Relationship

3 Discovering Your True Value

Part 2: Relationship Smart: Love and Courtship

4: Making Yourself More Lovable

5: It’s All About Choices

6: Dating Is a Gamble; Courtship Is a Guard

7: Define Your Relationship

8: Guarding Your Heart

9: Before You Say I Do

10: How Do I Make Him Marry Me?

11: A Balanced Relationship

12: Beyond Your Body

Part 3: Relationship Smart: Marriage

13: Conflict Resolution

14: Couple Communication

15: Marriage and Ministry

16: What Every Woman Wished Her Husband Knew

17: Marriage Love Bank: Investing in Your Marriage

18: Making Your Mother-in-Law Your Best Friend

Conclusion

About the Author

For my husband

Foreword

When I was asked to write the foreword for this book, I did not really know where to begin, because I have so much to say about the author and her topic. I have had the privilege to be in the same fellowship with Pastor Eziaku Odimuko, and one thing is always apparent: she loves God and God’s people. She is able to relate to the single women as well as the married ones. Pastor Eziaku counsels the single women to remain pure and to depend on God for their partners, and the married she always admonishes to be the best spouses God would have them be.

I believe the words that have been birthed out of Pastor Eziaku in writing this book have truly come by the inspiration of God, because she is responsive and controlled daily by the Holy Spirit.

As you apply the biblical principles that Pastor Eziaku shares in the book, God will shift the course of events in your life and line them up with His perfect will. Your life will definitely be enriched!

Rev. Rose Donkor

Co-Senior Pastor

All Nations Full Gospel Churches International

Acknowledgments

I am grateful to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, for saving me and never giving up on me.

To my three precious daughters, Chidinma Abigail, Esther Amarachi, and Sarah Ezichi, I love you all so dearly.

To my dad, the late Sir Eugene Anyanwu, thank you for your exemplary and inspiring life; your legacy remains a treasure for your children, grandchildren, and all those who knew you.

To my mom, Lady Rhoda Anyanwu, thank you for your unconditional love and support.

To my siblings, Ikechi, Uche, Udoka, Chidi, Nji, Eugene and David, thank you for giving me my first real lessons in relationships. I truly love and admire each of you.

Introduction

October 23, 1987, was the dawn of a new beginning in my life. I had just given my life to Christ at a church home fellowship group, and I was experiencing something distinctly different. I was happier than I had ever been, and my heart was at peace. I was no longer fearful of where I would spend eternity if I died. One thing was certain: my sins had been washed away, and I was a new person. No longer did I carry the guilt of sin that I had borne for so long. My best friend had also given her life to Christ at about the same time. One day, after we returned from our usual home fellowship, we got into a discussion with my friend’s dad.

We gave our hearts to the Lord! we shared excitedly.

What do you mean, you gave your hearts? he asked, curiously.

It means we are saved, forgiven from all our sins, I replied.

Forgiven of what? he queried. What sins have you ever committed? You are so young!

I reflected on his words: You are so young. What does youth have to do with receiving forgiveness from God? I realized that many people have been deceived to think that if they are young, they are okay. Yes, I was young, but sin knows no age; sin is sin. The Bible says clearly that all have sinned and fallen short of God’s glory. Even our self-righteousness is like filthy rags before God. Though I was young, I was conscious of sin and needed the forgiveness that only God could provide.

Days after our new birth experience, my best friend and I were determined to put our newfound faith into action. We searched through our few earthly possessions for things that did not please God, such as tapes, books, or magazines that promoted worldliness or lust, and we got rid of them. There was a new desire in us, the desire for purity.

If you are young and reading this book, God is interested in you. He wants you to serve Him in your youth. Satan does not shy away from the young; rather, he actively seeks to destroy them with sin. You are never too young to receive Jesus into your life as your Lord and Savior.

I was passionate about pleasing God in every area of my life, especially in my friendships. Here I was, about to go into the most turbulent time of a child’s life, the teenage years. I had so many questions. Would I be able to live my life to please God and still be happy? Would I be able to honor God in my relationships? He had given me a brand new born-again experience. Would I be able to please Him totally by keeping my heart and body pure? Would I have to ask God to forgive me over and over? I found myself failing God over and over. I found myself asking God to forgive me over and over again. I struggled with impure thoughts, indiscretions, and feelings of guilt from broken promises I had made to God about keeping my heart pure. During that time, I wrote a book titled Forgive Me Tomorrow.

But the Father always knows the daughter’s heart. If you are struggling to be who God wants you to be, don’t despair. Grace is abundantly available to you. If you press on and never give up, soon you will know the boundless joy of a life that is pleasing to God. God knew my desire was to please and serve Him. He knew I dreamt of a happy future, a great husband, and a happy marriage. He knew my desire to please Him was genuine, but there was one thing I needed to accept: I couldn’t achieve it by my strength. It was going to take more than just self-will or some self-made rules and regulations. I needed to sit at the Master’s feet and learn. God would take me by the hand and lead me through life, teaching me step-by-step how to walk in purity. He assured me that if I did not give up on the way, even when I fell—which would happen many times—and if I kept trying and relying on His strength and not mine, He would bring me to a place of victory. He would grant me victory over every plague of weakness. He would use me to strengthen other people.

Has God been tugging at your heart to live for Him? Has He been calling you to a life of purity? Is your deepest desire to honor God by obeying His commands? If yes, you are on your way to success. You will experience opposition, temptations, and failures, but I urge you to keep on seeking to please your God, and soon you will overcome. Do you know that Satan will fight you most fiercely in the area where God has called you to make a difference? Satan’s goal is to steal your testimony so you will have no testimony to share. In Luke 22:31, Jesus said to Peter, Simon, Simon! Indeed, Satan has asked for you, that he may sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail; and when you have returned to Me, strengthen your brethren.

One area in which young people struggle to remain pure is in their sexuality, and many fail in their relationships. In this book, I will share with you secrets to sexual purity in your relationships. I would like to show you how to please God in your friendships, courtships, and marriage. God can make you relationship smart. He can give you the wisdom you need to get through life successfully. God’s wisdom is true wisdom. His commands are not to deprive us but to protect us from present harm and future separation from Him. God’s Word provides us with smart, practical applications for our lives and relationships. He really wants you to become relationship smart.

Life is all about relationships. One begins to form relationships from birth and continues to do so until the end of one’s life here on earth. Life would be so boring without other people with whom we could share, laugh, or cry. Parents, siblings, friends, spouses, children, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, acquaintances, and teachers are some of the many people with whom we forge some form of relationship. Relationships can be sources of great joy or great despair. Structured and wholesome, relationships bring out the best in a person. However, when relationships become dysfunctional, lives can be ruined. Having established that wholesome relationships are vital to our well-being, we can conclude that taking steps to read and learn about them deserves our attention.

A woman’s relationship is such an integral part of who she is. When God made Adam, He saw that it was not good for Adam to be alone, so He made Eve to become his companion. By nature, women are made to relate with others. Think about a mother’s relationship with her newborn child. She forms a unique bond with that baby long before the baby is born. Every woman has her own concept of what love is and seeks to find it in her relationships. A woman’s relationships are very important to her. In fact, a healthy relationship can empower and enable her to become all that God planned for her to be, whereas a dysfunctional relationship can break and destroy her life.

Regardless of a woman’s status in life, she is prone to suffer the demands that a relationship can place on her life. Too often, I see smart women torn apart by abusive lovers. I find women who have made it in all other aspects of their lives struggle to identify their places in troubled marriages or relationships. I meet intelligent ladies who seem to make the same mistakes over and over in their choices of life partners. Why is it that many women seem to throw away their thinking caps when it comes to relationships?

My goal in writing this book is to empower women to use their God-given wisdom and intuition to choose the men in their lives. Women can be relationship smart by avoiding sin, being prayerful, and doing the right things before getting into relationships. I want women to take ownership of their relationships, understanding that an unhealthy relationship does not just affect them; it affects their children too. Children tend to follow the examples of their parents, good or bad. We can reduce the cycle of domestic abuse by following the simple steps I outline in this book before getting into relationships.

Again, a woman is created to relate. From the time she is a little girl, playing pretend with her dolls, to the time she has her first crush, falls in love, gets married, and has children, a woman’s life is so intertwined with her relationships that the she would be even more successful if it weren’t for troubled marriages or relationships. Many factors contribute to every woman’s ability to become successful. Among these factors are her interpersonal relationships and how she handles them. Building healthy relationships requires a lot of work. Adequate spiritual, emotional, and mental preparation is crucial to fostering a healthy relationship. My heart’s desire is that what you read in this book will inspire you to be the best you can and enable you to contribute positively to the lives of others as you forge relationships.

Many books have been written on relationships; however, this book is unique because in it, I birth the truth and wisdom that God has revealed to me through the study of His Word and countless life experiences. This book is not a compilation of what other people have written about this subject. It is a deeply passionate work coming from lessons from my own life, and the lives of women whom I have been privileged to teach, guide, instruct, and help through their relationships. It comes from experiences gained sharing with friends and family on issues relating to marriage and relationships, long before I ever got married! This book comes from a heart that is truly touched by problems faced by children, women, and families. I believe that a lot depends on our relationships and marriages because they largely determine what kinds of families we raise for God. Need I tell you how important families are to God? God blesses through families, and He depends on families to raise godly children for Him. The family is the unit of the church and the society. We cannot adequately fulfill God’s plans on earth if our relationships and marriages continue to be troubled.

For the unmarried woman, I have written this book to help you get your marriage right the first time. I want you to be relationship smart because your life could depend on it.

In this book, my target audience is women. We are the ones who teach others how to relate us. We have the power to effect the changes that