The Complete Survival Guide for High School and Beyond

Introduction

Have you ever had these thoughts run through your mind?

float image1 I don’t know what I want to be.

float image1 I don’t know how to do better at school.

float image1 I don’t know what subjects or courses to choose.

float image1 I don’t know how to find the time to do everything.

float image1 I don’t know how to handle exam pressure better.

float image1 I don’t know how to get my parents to listen to me.

If you’ve ever felt like this, then this book is for you! As a teacher and Careers Counsellor, I have helped students work through these concerns a million times over. Some students love school, some tolerate it and others hate it. But what is common to every student is that they all want to be happy, successful and enjoy life. Yet this is also the period when so much is happening—there are new challenges, relationships and increasing responsibilities. Basically, life for many young people becomes a massive juggling act.

Take Alex for example. Recently he came into my office and slumped into a chair. He looked like all his worse fears had come true. Alex was really stressed out. He was scared he wouldn’t do well enough to get into courses he wanted at uni, he was behind in his work and his parents were on his back because he’d been out most of the weekend. Alex was also angry because his friends all seemed to be coping well. ‘I’m stuffing everything up,’ he said to me.

I’ve seen thousands of students like Alex and while each set of problems is unique, what is surprisingly common is the belief that there is no solution to these problems. A common response I hear from students is ‘What’s the point?’ or ‘It’s hopeless’—and these comments relate to a whole variety of issues. Some students are having a really hard time getting along with teachers, some are worried about achieving good marks to get into their chosen courses, some are experiencing pressure from parents and others are having trouble handling the workload at school. Many are having hassles with friends, relationships or a combination of other issues.

Believe it or not, I know how you feel when you see certain situations as hopeless. There have been times in my life when I experienced similar feelings. The fact is, there are few adults who haven’t felt overwhelmed at some point in their lives. But what is important is to do something about this. There is a solution for every problem. No situation is hopeless. Essentially, the key is to be armed with workable strategies and to devise a plan of action. I often find myself reassuring students like Alex and helping them to solve various problems that are worrying them. I’ve lost count of the number of students who have said to me, ‘No one tells us this stuff’ or ‘I wish I’d thought of it like that before’.

This is where this book comes in. It presents you with a practical way of looking at all of the important areas that affect your ability to do well in your studies. It also helps you to tackle the broader issues, like how to accept yourself, deal with setbacks and to be happy in all areas of your life. I’ve focused on the things that students ask me about over and over again, the things that drive them nuts! It’s all about how to maximise your chances of being successful and of making your dreams come true in every sense—at school, in your personal life and in the future.

I don’t promise quick fixes. I’m not making promises that you’ll miraculously get straight ‘As’ and solve all of your problems in life. You wish! I wish! What I will promise though is that if you find the time, motivation and determination to act on some of the strategies I’ll be sharing with you, you will find some of the answers yourself.

If you like, think of this book as a road map that will point you in the right direction and provide you with useful information along the way. But you have to travel down the road yourself. Feeling overwhelmed and powerless is an awful feeling and you don’t have to be in this situation. You have choices, options and decisions to consider. You can get back on top and stay on top. The possibilities are endless.

CHAPTER 1

GETTING THE MOST OUT OF SCHOOL AND LIFE

DETERMINATION AND MOTIVATION EQUALS SUCCESS.

ANON

WHY READ THIS BOOK? WHAT’S IN IT FOR ME?

Is life stressing you out? Do you feel you have so much on the go and are so weighed down by pressure that everything seems to be out of control? Do you sometimes feel that you can’t see when your real life is actually going to start? Relax. The very fact that you have picked up this book shows that you have initiative and that you’re interested in enjoying life and getting the most out of it. This book will point you in directions to help you achieve this. You’ll see how other young people have handled school, stressful situations and exciting challenges, and I’ll offer ‘inside information’ from my experiences working as a teacher and a Careers Counsellor.

If you’re at school, you might be thinking to yourself, ‘I’m doing okay at school, why do I need this book?’ Well, whether you like school or not, this book will give you strategies to help you enjoy school more. It will help you to improve your results and reinforce relationships with friends, teachers and other people in your life.

If you’ve already graduated from school and you’re doing further study or you’ve hit the world of work, congratulations! You’re in luck too because this book is about way more than how to do well at school. It’s about how to get the most out of life, to enjoy the journey and to move more confidently into the future. In other words, the big picture stuff—the stuff that’s really important in life.

There’s so much hyped-up negativity in today’s world. It’s important for us all to get things into perspective and to focus on what is really important. And what’s more important than being happy? This book covers areas that typically worry young people and shows you ways to get it all together, be happier and live life to the full.

I’ll make a deal with you. I want you to treat this book like your personal coach. My part of the bargain is that I’ll pull out all stops. I’ll give you all the tips and tricks from my kitbag. Your part of the bargain is that you’ll take it all seriously. Try out the different strategies—some will work for you, some won’t. Some may feel a bit put-on and uncomfortable when you first use them, but give them all a chance and you’ll discover which strategies work best for you. Then practise and practise until they become such a habit, you don’t even need to think about them.

Throughout the book, I provide practical suggestions to help you get started and share with you inspiring stories that will pick you up when things get you down. All I ask in return is that you make a commitment to yourself. This could be to improve your marks, to get along better with your parents and/or teachers, to build your self-confidence and feel better about yourself, or to handle the stresses of finding a course or career. Whatever your goals, promise yourself that you will really stick to them and persevere with your game plan until the improvements and results shine through. And if you hold up your end of the bargain, they will.

This is not another textbook to endure. There are no exams at the end. The ‘lessons’ aren’t for the short term, they’re for life! The skills that you’ll pick up and the strategies for approaching setbacks and challenges, you’ll use over and over again. They’ll serve you well in all aspects of your life—in your studies, at work, with your family and friends.

At the end of the day, you only get out what you put in. Remember that! Life is to be enjoyed so it’s worth the effort to do some thinking and planning to get yourself off to a positive start.

But first things first: why go to school in the first place? What’s the use of school?

Fact: Most careers require a certain level of education.

Fact: School will open up jobs and opportunities.

Fact: School gives you skills that will be useful out in the world—research skills, report writing, public speaking, critical thinking, team work, interpersonal and organisational skills.

The bottom line is, whether you like it or not, school’s pretty important to get you a foothold in life. Now you can grin and bear it the way you do when you have to eat something you hate, or you can be smart about it and try to make school as enjoyable as possible.

The good news

float image1 School is important but it doesn’t have to be a pain in the butt or take over your entire life.

float image1 If you take charge of what’s happening with school, you’ll feel a lot happier.

float image1 You are the person who controls your approach and reactions to school.

float image1 There are ways to enjoy school more and to do better at school.

float image1 You are entitled to be happy now, and shouldn’t have to wait till school’s over in two, five or ten years time.

Read on, and you will discover some tried-and-tested ways to help you to be a happier and more confident person at school, out of school, and down that intriguing track we call ‘the future’.

A BALANCING ACT

Whether it’s school, work, or life in general, the first thing we must all do is to get the foundations right. The foundations of a house have to be strong so that the house doesn’t fall down. The first foundation stone you need to lay down is how to balance your life.

To maximise your enjoyment of life both in and out of school, it’s important to have a balanced approach. This will generally help you to improve your school results, be able to handle stresses, and enjoy life more.

You’ve no doubt heard a lot of talk about how difficult it is for adults to balance family life, career and interests, but often people overlook how crucial it is for young people to have a balanced life too! We all like to have time for our special interests, take some time out or hang out with friends. Many parents actually worry that their kids have ‘too many things on the go’ and not enough time devoted to study. Sound familiar? They sometimes forget your life is about more than study. If you’re lucky, your parents will understand that you need a break away from study. In fact, you are likely to actually do better at school if you have a balanced life! Interests can also help you develop as a person and enable you to gain valuable skills that will help you to get into tertiary courses.

I’ve seen many senior students unnecessarily stressed because they sacrifice their social life and their interests to focus on study. These students run the risk of burning out and often don’t do as well as they could have if they’d had a more balanced approach. ‘All work and no play’ isn’t the way to go. The students who usually do the best are the

In their own words…

I started volunteering at the Collingwood Children’s Farm when I was about nine or ten and, although at first it was just an interesting way to fill up long Saturdays, it became a turning point in my life. It allowed me to meet new people and get involved in different local activities: from volleyball to debating, soccer, guitar, singing, beekeeping, painting or hanging out with friends. The most valuable lesson I’ve learnt is that the busier we are, the more time-effective we become. I think it’s a fallacy that in order to get high scores at school, you need to hit the books and do nothing else. In most cases, the more time we have on our hands, the more we waste sharpening pencils, decorating our planner or making those ceremonial five cups of coffee to gear up to starting that essay on a Saturday night. We may as well have done the project on Friday afternoon and have spent more of the weekend going out with friends.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s crucial to study, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have a life. The last thing I want to do is to waste my time muttering, ‘I’ll live my dreams after I get through school’. So what if I never make the ‘executive’s chair’! Climbing up and taking in the view are the interesting parts. And, no matter what, I’ll have a wicked time doing it!

Abigael Ogada-Osir, 17

ones who don’t overdo study. They have an outlet. This outlet might be sport, music, reading, a part-time job, going out with friends or just walking the dog. What’s important is having something that helps you to switch off occasionally so that you can recharge your batteries and regain the energy to hit those books again. In fact, you should find a regular switch-off activity to look forward to, not just a once-a-termer. Keep your interests and you’ll keep your energy levels high enough to do well in your studies and also maintain your sanity!

Don’t go overboard though. Switch-off activities don’t mean that you neglect study. Sorry! You still have to put in to get those good results. It’s not a good idea to have so many switch-off activities that they end up eating into your study time and you become preoccupied with them at the expense of your studies. Don’t have so many things on the go that you end up stressed just thinking about how you’ll get to them all. It’s a juggling exercise—you’ll feel better if you manage to keep all of the balls in the air, so don’t attempt to juggle too many at once. Start with a few balls and see how things go. Ultimately, only you can figure out what works best for you. So start looking out for those relaxing switch-off activities that might capture your interest while still leaving enough time for the books!

In their own words…

We’ve been playing soccer for the last three years. For us, it’s the perfect opportunity to relieve some of the stress that can build up at school. For those few hours during training and games, you have the feeling of being free of all that you need to do. It gives you a rush. You’re part of a team where you feel needed. At first, it was just fun and then it became an important part of our lives. We have worked our soccer schedules into our school and social schedules, and we always make sure that there is enough time for everything. When we get out on that field, everything changes. Just to feel the excitement of playing is great. It really gives us something to look forward to.

Sophie Paleologos, 17 and Antonia Veltman, 17

In addition to switch-off activities, you may occasionally need time out which is a complete break away from studies and work. Even a short break of a few days can help you to rest up and regain your energy. This whole area of having a switch-off activity and time out applies to all aspects and stages of life.

Here’s a hot tip. If you have trouble convincing yourself or your parents that it’s important to maintain interests and outlets in life, it might surprise you to know that an increasing number of tertiary courses and employers actually look at more than just marks when selecting students. In interviews or on application forms, it’s extremely common for tertiary institutions and employers to ask you about your involvement in extra-curricular activities. They want to know that you’re a well-rounded, balanced person. It’s very hard to convince someone of this if all you ever do is study. Students who have a balanced life have an advantage over many others who are too bogged down in study to enjoy life.

So, pursue your interests. If you’re interested in sport, join a team. If you like art, do a short course. Finding an interest and developing it sets you apart from the crowd. It’s finding that something that makes you you!

CIRCLE OF HAPPINESS

In addition to finding the balance between study or work and outside interests, balance is about getting all aspects of your life into a comfortable equilibrium.

You might like to think of your life as having four major areas:

float image1 PERSONAL (self-esteem, personal fulfilment)

float image1 PROFESSIONAL (school/work)

float image1 PHYSICAL (health)

float image1 PEOPLE (family/friendships/relationships).

Think of a balanced Circle of Happiness as the ultimate goal. We all want as much happiness as possible, but because there are four areas

Circle of happiness

for us all to focus on, ultimate happiness is something of a balancing act. It means paying attention to all four areas rather than always focusing on one or two to the total exclusion of the others. If any of the areas is fairly empty, your happiness will be affected and you won’t get as much out of life as you could if this area was more developed. Sometimes, one particular area will require more attention than the others. That’s okay. It’s just like training for a sports event where you might want to improve on a particular aspect—you might need to focus a lot of time and energy on your swimming style, but that doesn’t mean that you stop caring about other commitments altogether.

So, what’s the moral of the story? Remember that each of these areas is important for you to achieve overall happiness and well-being. On the odd occasion, flip back to this page and refresh your memory of the Circle of Happiness. Look after all areas and your life will be rich, interesting and enjoyable. All your hard work will then make more sense because you’ll know you have a purpose—to make the most of your life.

The personal area

A few years back, I left my teaching job to give myself a chance to try my hand at other things (this is how I came to find my passion for helping others through careers counselling and student welfare). It’s funny how people react when you make these sometimes life-changing decisions. Some people were downright negative, telling me that I was making a big mistake and that I didn’t know what I was doing. Others were envious. They told me (in hushed whispers) that they wished they had the guts to try something new.

Among all the well-wishers, one person’s parting words still stick in my mind. She told me: ‘Above all, look after Number One’. She didn’t mean it in a selfish way. What she meant was far more profound than that. Looking after Number One (yourself) is about taking charge of your own life. It’s about finding ways to feel good about yourself, building a positive self-image and self-esteem. It’s also about personal fulfilment, searching for what you truly want out of life and going for it. It’s something that we should remind ourselves of constantly.

On the surface, personal happiness seems like such a natural thing for us all to pursue. The reality is far less straightforward. There are lots of pressures from everywhere: sometimes from family and friends, all the way to the not-too-subtle media messages and society’s expectations. And then there’s the pressure we often heap on ourselves! With all these pressures, sometimes it’s easy to lose sight of what we ultimately really want. It’s all too easy for the voices around us to rise in volume until we stop hearing what our heart says. When this happens, we can easily end up being carried away by the wave of what others expect we should be doing with our lives and abandon what we really want.

The answer to personal fulfilment is to tune into the doubts in your heart and also the things that make you feel great. Listen out for the little voices within you, nurture them and they will blossom into a life full of happiness, meaning and hope. Equally important is learning to accept yourself. Self-acceptance is sometimes the hardest and most important lesson of all. For how can anyone truly be happy if, deep down, they are unhappy with who they really are? Accept yourself and your life will be so much fuller and richer.

The professional area

Our professional life takes up a significant chunk of our lives and is a big part of our identity as individuals. You might not believe this now, but work is actually good for us. Work gives us meaning. A job is a recognised symbol that you’re good at something and that you are valued. You’re