The First Book Of David

INTRODUCTION

This book is about a 65 year old man and his experiences being in the Mormon Church for over 50 years. He was married 6 times, twice in the temple. He had 13 children, some of which he adopted. He went to BYU and received 2 Master’s Degrees, one in Psychology and the other in Child Development. He resigned from the church and then decided to re-join and get re-baptized. However, he resigned again around 2011 for the very last time. As a consequence, many of his children disowned him because he left the church, despite his many sacrifices for them and his striving to be a good father.

In 2011 he decided to talk about his stories as self-therapy. When he first started, he said and did everything in monotone. He was very depressed. But as the weeks, months and years passed, he unburdened his Mormon yoke of pain and the hardship of giving everything up for 50 years living the Mormon faith. He is now very happy and content pushing 70 years old. This book is a compilation of some of the best, most interesting and funny stories of his life, told in his own words.

Consequently, he has been served with a no-trespassing ordinance for all Mormon property. He has had his car vandalized, received death threats, been followed in his car, harassed by neighbors, and been significantly shunned by his family. Many of us who follow him really adore him for his humor and honesty. The Bard has helped the author personally with his stories, as well as many others. All I know is that he laughs a lot and I know he has saved lives.

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Table of Contents

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Chapter 1 :- A Few Famous Mormons That Are NOT On...I Am A  Mormon...List Yet.

Chapter 2 :- Veil Worker From The Mormon Temple, Tells The Inside Story Of Mormon Temples.

Chapter 3 :- Mormon Church Trying To Save Sweden Due To Mass Exits And People Leaving Mormonism

Chapter 4 :- Satanic Ritual Abuse In The Mormon Church According To Presiding Bishop Pace.

Chapter 5 :- Partial List of Mormon Church Assets...For A Church, Outrageous.

Chapter 6: What Will Mormons Accept As Evidence To Their Fraud?

Chapter 7 : Mark Hofmann Makes Modern Mormon Prophets Look Like Horses Asses.

Chapter 8 : Another Garment Failure. Missionary Called To the Other Side.

Chapter 9 : Another Garment Failure in California.

Chapter 10 : Two Mormon Missionaries Dead! Cause of Death Garment Failure.

Chapter 11 :  Living In Utah With The Mormons And Their Secret Ways.

Chapter 12:  800,000 My Ass.

Chapter 13 : Mormons Kill Gays

Chapter 14 : If You Have Good Self Esteem, You Do Not Join Cults.

Chapter 15 : The New App That All Bishops Now Have To Rate You 1-12. I Am A 13- Cult. You Tell Me.

Chapter 16 : The Mormons Locked Me In A Room For Over 2 Hours, Torturing Me With Small Children.

Chapter 17 :  Mormon Scams, And Other Get Rich Quick Ideas – Loose Your Ass.

Chapter 18 :  New Mormon Church Doctrine Just Out. Oh Shit I Quit...Polygamy Back In Utah. Also, Gay Marriage.

Chapter 19 :  My Wife Needed An Exorcism After Painting Herself Green And Trying To Kill Us.

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And Now............

INTRODUCING THE NEWCARABU, THE HONORABLE SIR DAVID, EMPEROR OF SALT LAKE CITY, SULTAN OF UTAH, SPIRITUAL ADVISER TO QUESTIONING MORMONS, THE BARD EXTRAORDINAIRE, SUPREME BEING, ALPHA AND OMEGA, HERE'S.......... DAVID.

*All chapters are transcriptions with minor editing to make them more understandable in print. The Bards original style and content  was preserved as much as possible during the editing process but there may be a few changes that differ from the original work .

CHAPTER 1: A FEW FAMOUS MORMONS THAT ARE NOT ON...I AM A MORMON...LIST YET.

Hi, this is David again. I haven't died yet, and the Danites (Mormon Mofia or their Secret Service) haven’t gotten me yet. I know they are circling the house, ha ha ha. I wanted to do this video a couple of weeks ago and I went onto a site that gave me this information. After putting in my favorites and pulling up this information, I could never pull it up again, never. It was on the desktop and everywhere and I still can’t pull it up. But, I do have someone who’s made a copy of it.  Basically... what this is going to be about is the, I am a Mormon campaign. Now, I don’t think some of these people made it on that.. I don’t Know, maybe I should try to get on it. I don’t know if they let ex-Mormons on it.

Let me read to you, a few people who didn’t make the list on Mormon.org. Let me give them advertising: Mormon.org/Mormon.org/Mormon.org

"Hi, my name is Jason Brown. I’m wanted for 1st degree murder, armed robbery, and unlawful flight to avoid prosecution, and I am a Mormon."

"Hi, my name is Ted Bundy. I am one of the USA’s most prolific and evil serial killers, and I’m a Mormon. I don’t think he got on there, I don’t know maybe he did."

"Hi, my name is Robert Leroy Parker (Butch Cassidy). I am a cattle thief, a bank robber, and I’m a Mormon."

"Hi, my name is Arthur Gary Bishop. I’m a serial killer who hated to hear bad words, and I’m a Mormon."

"Hi, my name is Mark Hacking. I murdered my pregnant wife and dumped her body in the trash and I'm A Mormon."

"Hi, my name is Glenn Taylor Helzer. I’m a serial killer and I’m a Mormon."

That’s seem’s to be a pretty popular occupation for Mormon’s, being a  serial killer.

"Hi, my name is mark Hoffman. I’m a forger and a murderer and I’m a Mormon."

Hi, my name is Richard Floyd McCoy Jr. I’m a hijacker and I’m a Mormon."

That's a new occupation for a Mormon. Usually on Mormon.org they’re ski jumpers and bikers, but this one here is a kidnaper.

"Hi my name is Brian Emanuel Mitchell. I’m a kidnaper, and I’m A Mormon."

"Hi, my name is Orrin Porter Rockwell. I’m a Danite, a serial killer, and I’m a Mormon" Porter was back in Brigham Young’s time, and he was a Danite. He went around as an assassination killer for Brigham Young. He used to say the Mormon Church can’t excommunicate me because I repent to fast.

"Hi, my name is Jack Ruby. I shot and killed Lee Harvey Oswald, and I’m a Mormon."

I didn't know that. I saw that back in the 60’s and here’s his buddy....

"Hi, my name is Lee Harvey Oswald. I killed President Kennedy, and I’m a Mormon".

"Hi, my name is Harry Olonzo Longabaugh. I’m an outlaw and I’m a Mormon".

"Hi, my name is John Wayne Casey. I raped and murdered at least 33 boys, and I’m a Mormon."

"Hi, my name is Timothy McVeigh. I murdered 168 men, women, and children, and I’m A Mormon." I was in Oklahoma when that building blew up.

I didn't know He was A Mormon.

"Hi, my name is Jim Jones. I murdered 1000 people and I'm A Mormon".

This one here and I think Timothy McVeigh is a baptism for the dead.

Ervil LeBaron who was the king of polygamy in Utah. He was baptized for the dead. So I just wanted to make a quick video. I had a wonderful list, but because Satan is punishing me, I couldn't get that list. But, somehow Satan came up with it again.

This, I am a Mormon campaign, please go to mormon.org, look at the people there and their desperate in between jobs. People there made sure somehow a video camera was provided, and a videographer was there but they were definitely the cream of the crop. You may see 2 or 3 hundred there that are pretty decent people right now and a there’s another 4 million you don’t wanna see. There are nerds, fools, and idiots, and then there are 70 percent of the 14 million that are just out there and they want nothing to do with the Mormon church. Don’t tell them where I am, don`t give them my phone number. They’re taking the GPS off their car from their home teachers.

So basically there are a lot of bad Mormons and good Mormons that didn't make the list.  

CHAPTER 2: VEIL WORKER FROM MORMON TEMPLE, TELLS THE INSIDE STORY OF MORMON TEMPLES.

Hi, this is David again. I wanted to give you, the viewing public, the information that goes on in the Mormon Temple. I’m telling you that if the public knew this, I’m not going to use the word atrocity because it's too strong, but I’m certainly going to say um....that the abuse and cruelty of the things that go on in a Mormon Temple is stunning. I was a Temple Veil Worker in the Los Angeles Temple for about a year. So I know the Temple ceremony very, very well. I have passed thousands of people through the veil, which is nothing but a curtain with holes in it, and I’m going to share with you my experiences as a veil worker for the Mormon Church. This is not going to be popular with the Mormons, and you know what? I don’t care. This is what I saw and heard with my own ears, and what I did for the Mormon Church. You can believe me. If you don’t believe me, throw it in the trash. I don’t care. I have no agenda here.

If you like being a Mormon and you like all this.... PAY LAY ALE, OH GOD HEAR THE WORDS OF MY MOUTH, and you like all this chanting,

I don’t care, I don’t.

So here’s what would happen after the session or movie is over, after all the people are tired and almost totally asleep. They are taught what's called the true order of prayer. Ok, what the true order of prayer is..... they have couples; It goes male, female, male, female around a circle.... The temple worker will say please take the person to your left in the patriarchal grip.

Maybe it’s to your right, I can't remember left or right.

The patriarchal grip is basically a handshake type grasp with the index finger pointing under the wrist of each person in the grasp. This is also known as the patriarchal grip or a sure sign of the nail.

So all the women have veils on their faces and funny hats, and the men have baker’s hats. The men don’t but the women do.

You then take the hand of the person to the left of you.  You take their hand in the patriarchal grip. Then you put your elbow on their right shoulder. So you're all standing in a circle and you have your elbow on their shoulder with your hand and arm held to the square, like you’re taking an oath.

Well, that's not real weird. It’s strange but not too weird.

Then the temple ordinance worker kneels down by the alter. It's always a He, women have no place in the Mormon Church. You're just baby machines and sex objects. You have to veil your faces because he can’t pray looking at the cute faces that are coming through. Ha ha

He then raises his right hand to the square, says the prayer, and members of the group will repeat the prayer. He will say... our Heavenly Father, and they will say.... our Heavenly Father. We’re thankful we’re all in the temple this wonderful day.....

Now this is the true order of prayer.  Before this starts, there is chanting, that goes on in the Mormon ceremony. Recently, this was changed because the modern prophet supposedly talked to Jesus, and Jesus said Ya know some people don’t like that crap, so change it. So the prophet had no choice, so he had to change it.

So coming from where I was 8 or 9 years ago in the temple, they teach you in the true order of prayer.

You raise both hands above your head.

(I don’t know if I can do this anymore)

And you Say: Pay Lay Ale, Oh God Hear the Words of My Mouth.