The Final Girl Support Group's Annual Brownie Bake-Off and Other Stories
()
About this ebook
All the survivors of crazed serial killer attacks gather together to bake brownies. Anne Frank and Cain the First Murderer go to New York City art exhibits as a couple. Gregor Samsa is transformed into a Muppet. Charles Bukowski replaces Odin in a classic Norse myth. Adam and Eve run a seedy tattoo parlor. Doctor Moreau opens his very own bistro.
These are some of the incidents in the stories before you. This brief collection of brief stories is funny, pointed and just a little off. They can make you laugh and also make you look behind your back.
Read more from David Macpherson
The A to Z of Bad Writing Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5503 Bad Writing Suggestions Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsFuck Up Your Title: The Bad Writer's Guide to Using Fuck in the Title of Your Book Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Bad Writer's Guide to Cheating on Your NaNoWriMo Book Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsSo You Have Been Bitten By A Zombie Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsFour Books of Lists Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsUnlikely Bookstores Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsI Kind of Knew Edward Gorey Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsOrphan Store Signs Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsWhat I Learned From Writing This Book Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsMore Sopping Products Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsAre You a True Life Form?: Some Thoughts on Perry Rhodan Rating: 2 out of 5 stars2/5250 Ways to Say You Suck at Writing Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Detective Presents the Evidence Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsBut Beware! Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe 257 Steps to the Floor of Heaven Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThank You For Reading This Book: A Gratitude Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsIn This Reality: A Second by Second Consideration of the Music Video "You Got Lucky" by Tom Petty Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Bad Writer's Book of Bad Foreshadowing Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Art of Living in Cities: A Mostly Bullshit Essay Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsPulp Fiction Lullabies Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsAnd Then There Are Those Who Live in the Back of Old Books Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsLittle Adventures Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsReynold's Home for Retired Time Travelers Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsMolly Fish Swims Very Fast Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Djinn in the Shitty Paperback Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsPoetry in Bars: A Slurred Manifesto Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratings
Related to The Final Girl Support Group's Annual Brownie Bake-Off and Other Stories
Related ebooks
Paperbacks from Hell: The Twisted History of '70s and '80s Horror Fiction Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Final Girl: How to Survive a Slasher Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsDeity Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Gingerbread Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Man from Primrose Lane: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5We Sold Our Souls: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Forever 51 Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Turn of the Screw Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsLimetown: The Prequel to the #1 Podcast Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Gray Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Pontypool Changes Everything: Movie Edition Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Pontypool Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Shrimp Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Nothing Important Happened Today Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Mussolini and the Axeman's Jazz & Are You Loathsome Tonight? Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5This Book Is Full of Spiders: Seriously, Dude, Don't Touch It Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Made for Love Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Weetzie Bat Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Bookworm: A Novel Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Mr. Know-It-All: The Tarnished Wisdom of a Filth Elder Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Bang Ditto Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5The Suicide of Claire Bishop: A Novel Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsPopcorn: A Novel Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Afterparty Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Burnt Tongues Anthology Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Poems For Those About To Die Rating: 2 out of 5 stars2/5Our Kind of Cruelty: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Ambrosial Flesh Rating: 2 out of 5 stars2/5
Dark Humor For You
Murder Your Employer: The McMasters Guide to Homicide Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Captain is Out to Lunch Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Into the Woods Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Women: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Post Office: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Factotum Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Laws of the Skies Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Catch-22: 50th Anniversary Edition Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Everyone in My Family Has Killed Someone: A Murdery Mystery Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Sorrow and Bliss: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Candy Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Supermarket Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Everyone in This Room Will Someday Be Dead: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5P.S. Your Cat Is Dead: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Between the Bridge and the River: A Novel Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The Ginger Man Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Noir: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Sellevision: A Novel Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Barbara Isn’t Dying: A Novel Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsAfter the Revolution: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Swamp Story: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Just by Looking at Him: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5A Confederacy of Dunces Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Company: A Novel of the CIA Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Eunuchs and Nymphomaniacs Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Gone Bamboo Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Trout Fishing in America Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Snobs: A Novel Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5The Dice Man: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Florida Roadkill: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5
Reviews for The Final Girl Support Group's Annual Brownie Bake-Off and Other Stories
0 ratings0 reviews
Book preview
The Final Girl Support Group's Annual Brownie Bake-Off and Other Stories - David Macpherson
Genesis Ink
The shop is called Genesis Ink. They answer the phone by saying, Thank you for calling Genesis Ink. In the beginning there was blank skin after the fall, there is art. How may I help you?
They say this every call; it’s their thing.
Adam is the owner of record, but he never works the needle. That is not his skill set. Eve makes the creation myths here. With her shaved head and chewed fingernails, you just know you will put your fate in her.
You don’t get to pick what’s going on, you just show her the skin you want anointed and she closes her eyes and applies the stabbing kiss. I’m not going to lie to you. It hurts. It hurts hard. And she ain’t no speed queen. She is slow and plodding, like dogma.
When she puts down the needle you are near complete. Adam will then toss aside the cycle magazine he was reading and looks at what his wife brought on your flesh and name it. That is called Sunset.
That’s Turbulence Everlasting.
Broken Love,
That’s Lightning Strike.
That, that is Max.
You pay Adam more for the naming than the ink.
And you forget how to leave. You sit in the front of the store and stare at the stars painted on the wall.
Near midnight, Eve flips pages of an old porno mag and says to her husband, He was here again. Came when you went to the bank. Your Old Man. Slamming the door open. Sat himself in the chair. Pointed to his arm, the only blank skin left on him and he said make something perfect right there. He waited. I waited. He said anything pretty Eve, just not a snake or an olive branch. I guess that was your Old Man trying to be funny. He said I was one stubborn bitch. I told him thanks. He said I could sure hold a grudge. I told him I know. He swore at me and split. I can always out wait him.
Adam says nothing. He picks up the spray cleaner and makes everything in the shop hygienic and pure again.
Adam looks up at the clock and says, Midnight. All you pretty canvases need to get out of my store.
This is how he politely kicks your ass out. On the curb, you feel nothing, not even the new ink on your arm. You feel nothing, but banished and free.
The Cabinets of Doctor Cal and Gary
The following are just some of the 109 reviews from CarpenterAdvisor.Com for Doctor Cal’s Custom Cabinets.
4 out of 5 stars
The cabinets are awesome. The owner, Doctor Cal (that’s what you call him) gave a really low quote and an estimate of four days to finish the cabinets in my kitchen, and he made that quote. Can’t complain about that. The guy Doctor Cal had do the work was a little weird, sure, but how can I complain about these cabinets coming in on time and on budget?
3 out of 5 stars
I agree with the other reviewers, Doctor Cal came in on time and on what he estimated. I love the cabinets, but I think we had the same employee the others were talking about, the one Doctor Cal called Gary.