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    The A to Z of Bad Writing
    The A to Z of Bad Writing
    The A to Z of Bad Writing
    Ebook49 pages29 minutes

    The A to Z of Bad Writing

    By David Macpherson

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    About this ebook

    So you want to be a successful bad writer. Well, who doesn't? We all want that sweet sweet hack writer money. And why shouldn't you have your piece of that cash pie?

    Being a successful bad writer is easy. So easy. It's like knowing your ABCs. And that is what we have here. It is all you need to know to be a fabulously bad writer, from A to Z. We have one helpful tidbit of goodness for every letter of the alphabet.

    Compiled by the Institute of Bad Writing, this is the only book you will need to be the kind of bad writer you always dreamed of. Actually,you should also buy the other books compiled by the Institute of Bad Writing. But that's it. Honest.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherDavid Macpherson
    Release dateSep 1, 2019
    ISBN9781393043317
    The A to Z of Bad Writing

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    • 5/5
      This guy’s writing style is so much fun. Thoroughly enjoyed reading his tongue in cheek thoughts about bad writing. Which are written very well, actually. Part of the charm.

    Book preview

    The A to Z of Bad Writing - David Macpherson

    An Introduction to the A to Z of Bad Writing

    Bad writers are not born. They are shaped through experience. And we are here to help you. We will get you through that unpleasant mind set where you think you should be a good writer.

    No. The money and the fame is in bad writing. As you know. Because you bought this book, so you are smart and discerning.

    There is so much to know about the inner workings of a bad writer. We have broken down the basics into 27 lessons: one for each letter of the alphabet. We are writers, we don’t do counting.

    So settle in. Read. Learn. And then go out there and be the best bad writer you can be.

    We believe in you. Or at least, we are not actively betting against you. So that’s nice.

    David Macpherson

    The Institute of Bad Writing

    A is for Alcohol

    Could it be any other word? It’s the first letter in the alphabet. That makes it the most important. Alcohol is the great equalizer. It makes you write with bravery. It makes you forget where your car keys are. One of the great feats a writer can do is write during a blackout. Blacking out like a writer is not as easy as you think. You need to drink a lot of whiskey to black out the writerly way. 

    The writerly way of blacking out is when you finally regained consciousness, you will find you wrote a publishable short story which is waiting for you on the computer hard drive. You wrote it in the perfect state. This kind of black out doesn’t happen for the beginner writer, so you need to practice practice practice.

    Now you can’t just drink anything and think you will be successful. It is a little known fact that you need to drink the right booze for each specific genre.

    You write horror? Drink Mojitos. There is nothing more ghastly than a mint based cocktail.

    Science Fiction: Schnapps. (If you write space opera, then it is Peppermint Schnapps.)

    Paranormal Romance: Champagne Cocktail, with a side of Rye Whiskey.

    Historical Romance: Bourbon. (Yes, bourbon. No genre writer is tougher, meaner, or smellier than the historical romance writer. An ornery gang, they are.)

    Fantasy:  Mead. God help you. It’s mead.

    Westerns: Manhattans. All the great oater writers are mad about Manhattans. Just don’t tell their fans.

    With this advice, perhaps you will finally write the kind of derivative slop you so dreamed of creating. You know, the good stuff.  Good luck.

    B is for Book

    What is a book? What a good question. A book is a thing you said you wrote, of course. "I just wrote a book about the

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