Angel in the Marble: Families and Addiction: Prevention and Recovery

work.

Introduction and Overview

The reason I wrote Angel In The Marble was to demonstrate how living a full and inspired life is possible. It can be achieved learning new ways for living and how we respond to challenges. There are ways that can help deal with the most challenging life situations. Added to everyday events drugs and alcohol abuse has complicated matters – bringing suffering, corruption and death in their wake. Drug/alcohol abuse can be decreased. It’s when ordinary people know the power they hold all can be achieved. Suicide, homelessness, crime and destruction are symptoms of how we live and what we believe as a people. Parents and caring others play a vital role in the lives of those around them. In Angel In The Marble we can learn ways to see the person behind their mask. Remove the mask and be free.

I need to stress at the outset that most parents and caring others are doing the best they can – coming from wherever they come from in life. Some ask for training in extra skills to help parent in the drug age – a great idea. Others need support as they learn there are more helpful ways of dealing with every day and challenging situations in life – this may help where people have not had the opportunity to benefit from a stable home environment for a number of reasons.

The late Jim Cumberton, my mentor, and I often talked about what people can do to make their lives better in some way. It can be the simplest change that makes the difference, builds confidence and commitment to try more ideas. I like to think life is an adventure – best to keep on living to the fullest. Time is precious and it is important that we live fully in it.

The attitude you have towards day-to-day experiences will determine what is successful or not. It is possible to achieve what seems impossible. The benefit of making changes will bring a more satisfactory time on this earth. This book holds strategies for the possibility of change and hope.

The book comprises fourteen chapters which deal with varied topics including the following:

Chapter 1 includes a general overview of drug/alcohol abuse, effects, the language used around these issues and what addiction can represent in a person’s life. We see that hope is an important factor in recovery and case studies are included.

Chapter 2 notes the need for ‘learning in advance’, being aware of what can happen, not settling for less; what parents and caring others can do and the possibilities of change for the better. Drug/alcohol misuse and drugs are highlighted, named and explained. In the Addiction Tree the process of addiction is simply outlined to assist the reader to understand where we can best prevent or intervene in the problem. Addiction, detoxification from substances and withdrawal is further explained to help understand what support and strategies will work and why.

Chapter 3 covers how denial of a problem can hold us back from seeking help. The conversation that can take place between the addicted person and caring other shows why blame can keep someone immobilised. ‘Behaviour never lies’ is the motto – typical comments by people justifying their drug use are included. We explore how addiction attracts negative outside influences, some through the worldwide web.

Chapter 4 describes the change of personality in addiction and the powerful lure of addictive substances or activities at any cost. While Chapter 5 deals with the loss to a family and increased deaths due to addiction, and Chapter 6 details how babies are affected by substance misuse.

Chapter 7 covers early drug use and what a parent or caring other may experience that could help identify the problem. Parents are primary in prevention, early detection and interventions if they are educated in what they can do and are aware of the traps to avoid. Debates waste time – actions are best. A case study is included.

Chapter 8 deals with who and what influence a child apart from parents during the period from childhood, teens and adulthood. Chapter 9 includes put downs, bullying and the effect on a person, as well as the transferal of someone else’s self-dislike.

Chapter 10 explores the benefit of positive mentoring, having self-worth and how acceptance of our relevance and equality to all others is important. Charles’s case study is included. The chapter deals with how we can influence in a positive way without tolerating destructive behaviour. The alternative is a cost to the individual and society – including a rise in suicides. There are myths relating to drug use that create and environment to continue. Parental drug use, its prevalence and effect on children being an issue that needs intervention is discussed.

Children copy what they see and hear. Two case studies included.

Chapter 11 describes how awareness is your best friend – learn the signs and symptoms of substance misuse. Learn the relevance of prevention, how drug use progresses, and the role of parents and caring others in unwittingly supporting the development of addiction in another through enabling and sometimes by paying up. Two case studies give examples in this chapter.

Chapter 12 discusses the link between child abuse and drug use. We see how to respond to trauma and the benefit of providing help and understand how fears can keep people from taking positive action. This chapter deals with the risk from ‘safe use messages’ and the legalisation movement, plus the role of some banks in the business of drugs. We learn how self awareness can help when discussions with a child begin about substances – remembering children and teens are not adults and that what teens need and want are different. We explore the responsibility of clubs and club policies, drugs in sport and having a positive group identity. The role of colleges/universities and their guidelines for attendees is discussed, as well as the relationship between choices we make and consequences earned as a result. We explore help for parents and awareness of how the worldwide web and technology impacts on the situation – how parents and community groups have the power to make a difference. Drugs as a business and the role of workplaces, law enforcement, judicial and drug testing plus national drug policies, recovery programmes and the rights of those suffering from substance misuse are examined. There are four case studies in this chapter.

Chapter 13 covers the effects of national drug policies internationally, following the inclusion of methadone as a treatment, plus discussing Sweden and Ireland’s policy. This chapter includes a case study.

Chapter 14 deals with relevant action and change. It shows prevention is primary, the need for investment and the cost of doing nothing. We explore the supervision and guidelines that are needed at home to increase self-esteem. Along with how nutrition, adequate sleep and exercise play a part in healthy lifestyles, we also explore relaxation versus gadgets, how feeling loved benefits everyone, parents and what can be done, how schools and communities play a part in preventing and dealing with substance misuse, volunteerism, and how civil liberty has consequences depending on its use – rights of the non-user from destructive behaviour.

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As a child I watched my father work out practical solutions for all sorts of problems. The farm depended on this. It was not an uncommon pursuit – times were less affluent. Skills to address a wide range of conditions were imperative for improving life. Travelling, training and working around the world I see new ways for living well. Appreciating what we have in the present can keep us happier and grounded. Establishing personal skills to deal with life’s challenges gives rich rewards. We all will have challenges but how we respond to them will make the difference. There are many people who take pleasure from bringing a person down to what they see is their own level – sadly that can be painfully low. It is very destructive especially for children. Adults can improve their self esteem and pass that on to children.

Humans are very resilient and can come back from the most difficult conditions. My sister Rosie among others taught me that, as did my mother who was involved in a car accident in which her leg was cut off on impact. It is possible with support to grow to your full potential – without abusing drugs or alcohol. There are many people alive and well – testaments to how you can live overcoming tragedy or suffering. Prevention of addiction can be possible with commitment, training and resources. The power of the ordinary person doing extraordinary things tips the balance for the better. Corruption, inactivity, overuse of pharmaceutical products, settling for less and a sense of hopelessness allow troubles to continue. A sense of hopelessness connected to drugs/alcohol misuse is increasing suicide and homelessness. Money laundering by some banks has supported the supply of illicit drugs. All need to be part of the cure. Greed and power leads to early deaths. Working in the favelas of Rio de Janeiro – seeing how it is possible to come back from the brink of total disaster gives hope for us all. I live in hope.

Marie Byrne

August 2018

Prologue: Angel in the Marble

‘I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free.’

– Michelangelo

On the Cutting Edge of the Drug Culture

‘He is gunned down in daylight before his child – blood trickles slowly from his mouth – creating a red congealed stream in the dust. His blood on the street!’

This horrifying tragedy is directly connected to the misuse of drugs and alcohol. That it happens at all is a frightening development. How could this be? On the island of Ireland, across Europe and beyond?

Take Ireland among others for example – a country previously at the top of the economic mountain. US Presidents have proudly claimed their heritage there. Famine and poverty the biggest threat in the past.

Today, drugs and alcohol misuse take that place – bringing emotional and financial poverty.

It can happen anywhere. Trained parents and caring others – is the greatest prevention tool. Working with drug and alcohol related issues and policies for over 25 years and internationally broadened my perspective on life. Viewed at the coalface devastation, family trauma, loss of life and family disruption awakens a need for change. It is possible.

Pressures on Health, Judicial, Education and community grow in this environment. Greed, corruption, murder, gangs, money laundering, violence and apathy are part of the drug trade. Cartel profiteers survive like leeches off the life-blood of others and grow fat. Extortion from the smaller drug dealers spares their lives. Life becomes cheap. In the drug trade people feed off each other’s wants. They are not friends – more business associates. The ordinary people in our communities hold the solution to the problem. Cartels need punters, clients, a market, some banks and businesses who launder money, take these support structures away and they have nothing – less ways of continuing their business of drugs.

CHAPTER 1

Possibilities

She lowered her gaze and imploringly asked, ‘Can you fix him? I can’t take it anymore. It’s the uncertainty and fear they will come to my door some night and say my son is dead. I’ve even thought it would be better if it happened now. Then at least it would be all over. He was such a caring lovely child until the drugs got him.’

I’ve heard many parents and caring others utter these words. Broken and desperate not knowing what to do or how to cope can lead a parent to places they never believed possible.

Drugs know no boundaries – as long as people keep them in their lives.

Working for so long in the field of drugs, alcohol and addiction provided me with opportunities to see human pain and suffering at an unprecedented level. Children, parents and communities are hurt and damaged by this plague on humanity. There is no socioeconomic divide when it comes to accessing and misusing drugs or alcohol. Substance abuse is a symptom of how we feel about ourselves and others, our place in society and our self-worth. It is also about the availability of substances to feed power and greed – making money for those who are self-serving – but at the greatest cost to society: its freedom. Substance abuse causes slavery. This is an enslavement of the mind and body when you join the vicious circle of denial.

I founded the national charity, Aisling Group International charity over 25 years ago. I was a somewhat younger and innocent individual who thought it might help people to deal with substance misuse and general problems that arise as a result. The demand for help was so great it grew into a charity. Others helped along the way – most well intentioned. It achieved as much internationally as it did in its native country. In return the opportunity to see people gain back control of their lives has been a privilege for all who worked there. Misery is replaced with happiness where possible, and hope makes a greater difference to outcomes. Insurmountable problems become challenges to overcome. In later years MBNow International was founded focusing on the development of people, learning about self-esteem, our choices and also the fun side of life where you can decide on some adventures and get out there living to your full capacity. Through this organisation has come the need to write and record information for positive change – available on the website mariebyrnenow.com

The unparalleled loss to families has been the down side. The lack of necessary resources that would inevitably help recovery has caused tragedies. Working in Ireland and in other countries afforded me the chance of seeing drug and alcohol misuse spreading tentacles of poison – enveloping young people and adults at a frightening pace. With very little activated to stand in its way, corruption at many levels and an abysmal lack of services for committed prevention and recovery strategies, its growth knows no bounds.

Central to this comprehensive approach is the home environment, the role for parents in parenting their children in the drug age. This requires new knowledge, skills, support and another way of looking at the problem. It requires parents understanding their children are under attack – parents’ active intervention to defend them against drug infection is needed urgently. Young people are under attack. The rise in addiction to prescription medication also begs clarification and action. Some medical and pharmaceutical businesses bear responsibility in this.

If ever there is an area to focus resources in the field of addiction above all it would be prevention and early intervention, I believe it is entirely possible to reduce the damage done by misusing drugs or alcohol. This can be accomplished by decreasing drug use. More effective strategies are required to achieve this goal. The political will and investment of resources will give returns. What you put in you get out. Questioning our attitudes and values may bring up some surprises too in what part we play. How we think and feel about ourselves affects the choices we make. People are best supported in a positive and caring society. People are in recovery from addiction by using their own inner strengths and skills. This usually involves getting help to understand how to deal with the problem – it is possible to do so. It is amazing to see how people recover in the face of corruption at all levels. This includes adversity, lack of recovery services and a well-rooted agenda to maximize profits at other peoples’ expense. There are people who benefit from drug misuse and sales – both legal and illegal – and the rising numbers of those who become addicted en masse. Recovery is no small achievement but something that deserves admiration. It has mine.

In this book I hope to provide a further insight into the development and possible prevention of drugs/alcohol addiction. It will include strategies that parents, caring others and those working with young people may find effective. Opening our minds to what works best will help improve how we deal with the problem. Ask lots of questions about why and who benefits from drug sales. Caring others can and do have a role in reducing or preventing substance misuse. We will look at what can work throughout the book. Establishing who and what are the most effective prevention and intervention tools in drug/alcohol misuse will give more positive results. Time to see the angel in the marble.

Drugs have names meant to instill ideas of possible joy and excitement. Their names so often elicit promises of euphoria, bravery and happy times. Unfortunately they deliver the opposite with frightening, sudden and often deadly consequences. Drugs with names such as ‘ecstasy’, ‘crack’ and ‘heroin’ can sound attractive. However for young people experimenting with all that life has to offer drugs are like a deadly virus. Their brains and bodies are still developing.

Questioning people about how they view addicted people can sometimes cause discomfort. It’s easy if people with drug problems are seen as outsiders or aliens dropped to earth. Accepting that people are the same and this problem could affect anyone can be difficult to believe. Help can be given to change for the better. The alternative is to do nothing, feel ashamed and hide the problem for fear of being judged by others – hoping it will go away.

This keeps us immobile – the problems remain.

Becoming more educated and informed about what helpful actions can be made is necessary for change. It is easy to see at community and national level if strategies are working. Problems will be decreasing. On the other hand if they are ineffective the serious consequences related to drug use will be rising – bad health, overcrowded A&E departments, childhood trauma, death, crime, suicide, homelessness, accidental death, gangland disputes and murder. Related costs to society multiply from a monetary and human perspective. Some strategies create an environment sympathetic to drug use. This is different from the compassion people caught up in the snare of drugs are entitled to. It is important to care for those with drug problems as they learn to take responsibility for themselves. This help must be done in a constructive way that recognizes their strengths and allows them to take responsibility for their actions.

Support needs to be given in a way that does not undermine people further. It is also the responsibility of the person or addict to use help when it is given. Where a person feels completely disempowered more help from relevant others is needed to get them started on the road to recovery. Venting anger at others especially where vulnerable does not create a path to growth – it can feed their mistrust of humans and hardens their resolve to disengage further. Confrontation of a user’s destructive behaviour must be done in a constructive way – generally with the help of a professional who can advise on the best way forward.

Opening yourself to new possibilities and learning new life skills helps stop you from being:

1. Easily manipulated

2. An Enabler – a person who allows or makes it possible for another person to behave in a way that damages that person and sometimes themselves. For example, lying for them to hide their drug use from others.

3. Persecuted

4. Self-pitying

5. A victim

6. Low in confidence

7. Over accommodating

8. A Liar

9. In denial

10. A Deceiver

11. Easily used

12. An Addict

13. A Criminal.

Hope

What you hear as success as a result of some treatment methods may be misleading. It depends on how low or high your expectations are of what success is – and what people are capable of achieving.

Caution towards what is seen as success is advisable. Having a belief in the amazing capabilities of humans can give hope to people where hope appears lost.

It is the courage of others to improve – seen as the outsiders of society, who can be inspiring in their efforts to change. Achieving goals, building a better life for themselves and families through determination takes courage. It is done in the face of major adversities and stigmatization. Questioning how we work with this hidden and often misunderstood problem of addiction can unearth some unpleasant truths about our communities. Yet it is through this honest appraisal that understanding and support can be given. Drugs, after all, are one of the biggest threats to humanity if allowed to grow unchecked. Addiction to substances is a threat to peace and happiness in our homes and communities – linked to global criminal activity, terrorism and corruption. It can still be stopped!

People can and do change their lives by taking new steps forward. They may seem like small ones but ‘the journey of a thousand miles begins with just one step’. It can be challenging to treat people equally when their behaviour changes so dramatically – becoming unbearable to be around. This is the case in drug use. It can be difficult at first to understand how everyone else will benefit should the user be given help. Investing time and energy in prevention and intervention to reduce demand is the ultimate and achievable goal.

Addiction to drugs or alcohol is an enslavement of a person’s spirit.

The individual spirit and resilience of a person needs awakening for growth to take place.

Removing the effects drugs have on the brain allows the possibility for clear thinking. Making choices can be difficult especially if the brain is not working to full capacity under the influence of a psychotropic or illicit mood-altering substance – unhealthy choices are made in the moment without any consideration of the consequences. A person or child may have suffered cruelty in the past and, therefore, may see everyone as a threat to his or her safety. Adding a mood altering substance to the equation makes everything more complicated and causes disruption.

The great Irish leader Michael Collins once said as a young man he was a heavy smoker. By 1919, he had given it up saying to his sister Katie that cigarettes were making him a slave, and ‘he’d be a slave to nothing’.

Collins summed up what addiction is regardless of which drug or addictive behaviour it is. With governments committing the necessary resources and families working towards prevention I believe these problems can be turned around. Time to start walking the walk.

Buddha said, ‘All know the Way but few actually walk it.’

Developing the following character traits is important:

•I will do what I say I will do

•I will take ownership of my own actions

•I will be accountable.

‘The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.’

– Alice Walker

It is rare to find someone who was never been challenged in life. Challenges come in many guises, including illness. Knowing that it is possible to survive or get past the challenge gives hope of better times. I remember the story about women who had facial beauty altered from acid thrown on them by husbands or thwarted suitors. The women highlighted this barbaric practice internationally. These great women overcame their own disfigurement to utilize it for justice and the protection of others. Their beauty could never be dimmed by melted flesh as they sought out a better life for everyone. Sustainable beauty is on the inside and will become better and better as it is nurtured.

Public opinion affects where politicians deploy resources. When the ordinary person on the street knows their power and rights, they can and do effect change. Education for the citizens of disadvantaged areas is a necessary follow up when areas are reclaimed. Hope gives people a reason to live. Education, training and employment need to be accessible to all. Having a belief system and guidelines of what is acceptable in order to live without conflict in our communities is hugely important. At this time in our history, bitterness, anger, resentment and fear have grown. Violence is being justified. A spiritual belief – not necessarily religion – could instill consideration for our fellow citizens, brothers and sisters regardless of colour, creed or nationality. If we hurt others intentionally we are hurting ourselves. We are all part of the one world.

Training in Atlanta, Georgia, USA, in drug prevention provided me with the opportunity to meet great people from all across America. Family groups, including the Marines, had so much to offer in support – many were based overseas in war zones. All saw the possibilities for drug/alcohol prevention knowing it could be achieved.

Reading through Martin Luther King’s speeches was a reminder of what had gone before.

Freedom can be taken for granted but not so in his time – it was hard earned. Martin Luther King, the son of a preacher, envisaged the need for all people to be treated equally regardless of who they were. ‘I have a dream my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the colour of their skin but by the content of their character. I have a dream today.’ (Martin Luther King Jr, 28 August 1963.)

Martin Luther King understood we must see past the outside presentation of a person and treat people equally with respect and love. It struck me then as it does now how that applies to everyone rich or poor.

We must believe in our own strength, inner beauty, equality and visions. It helps when challenges to our person come. It is difficult to care about others if you cannot care for yourself too.

It can feel so very difficult to ask for help sometimes. It takes courage – there is no shame in it. Facing problems alone is not an obligation. Avoiding them can leave you isolated and unsure how to improve life.

It is important also to ask how we judge others such as addicts without understanding the truth of their situations. We need to understand what has changed their behaviours. It is possible to discontinue choosing negative actions.

Never Assume

‘The life unexplored is the life not lived.’

– Socrates

To sit and do nothing in life for yourself or others, as Socrates points out is equivalent to not living.

I’ve always been curious how all manner of things work. It possibly comes from my late father’s influence. Trying out new ideas and ways of expanding our horizons brings excitement. When it comes to drug misuse, alternatives for recovery instead of maintaining people indefinitely on drugs is a human right. It is possible for people to grow to their full potential – alternatives to help people gain back control without substances could be the first treatment offered. It is important to be fully aware of what services are available in order to become free from drug use.

The term ‘drug free’ has a number of meanings – according to some sources it can represent being maintained on prescribed medication. The addicted person may still be misusing substances. Some prescribed drugs end up for sale on the street. The ‘drug free’ that I speak of is about using personal skills and capabilities with support to recover the person within from the camouflage of drug/alcohol abuse. Clearing the brain from mood altering toxic substances is vital. Despite drawbacks in life there are recovering addicts and alcoholics who are testament to success – remaining abstinent from drug use and other addictions for the remainder of their lives. Those lucky enough to access recovery programmes can be supported in their efforts. Fellowships and community-based groups with knowledge of boundaries give