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    Memoirs of a Broken Hearted Girl III
    Memoirs of a Broken Hearted Girl III
    Memoirs of a Broken Hearted Girl III
    Ebook479 pages8 hours

    Memoirs of a Broken Hearted Girl III

    By Latonya D Young

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    About this ebook

    What is it in us that drive’s us to the very thing that we should be running from— Love, desire, passion - all of the above? That is a question that Sophie can't seem to answer. The more she pulls away from the Taryn the more her body seems to call out to him. Recovering from a gunshot wound that almost cost the life of her unborn child, she finds herself right back in the arms of the one man that she can't seem to get over-the one man that she hates to admit that she's in love with. Taryn Brownstone is determined to prove to Sophie that with him is where she belongs. He won't take no for an answer and he simply refuses to live without her. Despite how their relationship started he is determined to prove to Sophie that she was born to be Mrs. Brownstone. Sophie is faced with some difficult decisions. Will she choose the lust that fills her when she's near Taryn or will she choose the road that leads her back into the arms of her one true love, Ronin?
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherLulu.com
    Release dateJun 1, 2015
    ISBN9781329182257
    Memoirs of a Broken Hearted Girl III
    Author

    Latonya D Young

    Tonya D. Young is a United States Army veteran. She is a native of Louisville, Kentucky. Latonya has degrees in Management, Conflict Management and HR. She is also the President of Nenwon, a consulting/editing/fundraising organization.

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      Book preview

      Memoirs of a Broken Hearted Girl III - Latonya D Young

      Memoirs of a Broken Hearted Girl III

      Memoirs of a Broken Hearted Girl III

      C:\Users\Ldeyoung\Downloads\k12552231.jpg

      Latonya D. Young

      Memoirs of a Broken Hearted Girl III

      C:\Users\Ldeyoung\Downloads\k12552231.jpg

      Latonya D. Young

      LuLu Publishing

      C:\Users\Ldeyoung\Downloads\k12552231.jpg

      Copyright

      Memoirs of a Broken hearted Girl III

      Copyright © 2015 by Latonya D. Young

      All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

      This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, names, incidents, organizations, and dialogue in this novel are either the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.

      Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

      ISBN            978-1-329-18225-7

      LuLu Publishing

      Printed in the United States of America

      Cover design by bettibup (BookCoverMachine@gmail.com)

      Author can be contacted via twitter - @GodlovesmeYOUNG

      Instagram Latonya8948

      Blog:   memoirsofthebrokenhearted.wordpress.com

      Facebook:  Memoirs Young

      Email:  tonyayoung831@yahoo.com

      Contents

      Dedication

      Acknowledgements

      Return of the Dead

      No Trust between old Friends

      Justifying the Blood on my Hands

      In Chains

      Temptation

      Foolish Me

      Rekindling

      In my enemies Grasp

      Falling Prey

      Enemies or Allies

      Going in Circles

      Distracted

      Possibilities and New Allies

      Unveiled Secrets

      More surprises from the Past

      Slipping Away

      Enraging the devil

      Protecting my Territory

      Fumbling Through

      I Do?

      Containing the Guilt

      The dead Rise

      Pain and Joy

      And the weak become bold

      Trouble

      Beginning of the End

      A time to Die

      Home sweet home

      Who gets the last word

      Dedication

      How do you even begin to tell the people who are most important in your life how much they mean to you?  Is it enough to dedicate your life works to them?  I don’t know, but I do dedicate this and everything else that I have written and will write in the future to my loving children, Aliyah, Anson, and Alexander.  You three are my muse, my strength, the only other thing besides my love for the Lord that keeps me hustling and making moves to do better and be better. 

      Acknowledgements

      I want to first thank my Heavenly Father. Without God nothing is possible, but with God, All Things Are Possible.

      Alexander, Anson and Aliyah, thank you for being everything I always needed you to be.  Mom loves you all.

      To my coworkers who have been great at supporting me by buying my work, I thank you!

      RETURN OF THE DEAD

      Wake up Sophie.

      Just hearing that voice freaked me out.  He was dead.  Why did I feel his hand on my shoulder shaking me awake?

      Where the hell am I?  You’re dead, I yelled at the man hovering above me!

      He smiled down into my face.  Get up, princess.  You have visitors.

      I shook uncontrollably.  I’d been used to him visiting me in my dreams but this was all too real.  I pinched myself and yes, I felt it.  This was real.  Darryl was real.  But how could it be?  He was supposed to be dead.  No, he was dead!  I had killed him myself.  Cut him up into tiny pieces until I felt my anger subsiding.  But there he was standing over my bed looking down at me smiling and beckoning me to follow him.

      I sat there on the bed beginning to tremble with fear.  I looked him up and down.  He was still the same big burly guy that he’d always been.  He was wearing a black suit.  Black everything from the tie to the shoes.  Darryl stood well over six feet but he looked eight feet tall.  Did people become massive in size after their deaths?  I shook that thought off and looked into his eyes.  They were the same eyes I had threatened to cut out of his head.  And they were staring straight through me. 

      Closing my eyes I prayed that when I reopened them he’d be gone.  I’d be sitting in the bedroom alone.  When my eyes opened he was still there.  Now he was standing straight with his arms crossed looking from me to the door.  He was growing impatient. 

      I pinched myself again and felt it.  Maybe this really is the real thing I said to myself while still staring up and Darryl in disbelief.  I wrapped my arms around myself because the room was unusually cold.  It was damn near freezing.  It hadn’t been that way when I’d gone to bed.  It had been comfortable enough for me to fall asleep after the first glass of white wine, with only a tiny nightgown on. 

      I heard whimpering and scratching coming from the door so my gaze slowly shifted from Darryl to see what all of the commotion was.  Koko, my dog was scratching at the door.  The poor little thing was dying to get out.  I loved that dog.  She’d been with me since we arrived at the house.  Taryn had given each of the boys their own puppies and had presented me with my own as well.  Poor little Koko was scared shitless.  She was just as afraid as I was.  She turned to look to me, her master for help but I couldn’t will myself to move from that spot.  I felt helpless and hopeless.  I couldn’t help either of us.  She stared at me for just a little while longer with those huge eyes, whimpering then went back to scratching at the door, begging for someone on the other side to help her. 

      My eyes reluctantly went back to Darryl who was still standing next to the bed watching me impatiently.  Is death not the end?  What the hell was he doing here standing by my bed scaring the shit out of me?  There was nothing normal about this—nothing at all.  And damn it, after all I’d been through over the past several months, normal was the one thing that I desperately needed. 

      I climbed out of bed and straightened.  Damn it, if I were going to die I was going to do it with dignity.  Let this thing, Darryl, or the ghost of Darryl pull me to the other side kicking and screaming.  I wouldn’t dare go along with him of my own free will.  I approached him.  My hand shot out and what it connected to scared me even more than seeing him.  My hand hit rock hard muscle.  I’d expected for my hand to go straight through him.  He was a ghost after all. 

      That was my proof that something really crazy was happening.  I turned to see if Koko had enlisted any help yet and she was still scratching at the door and whimpering.  This was either proof that I was crazy, or proof that the afterlife really did exist.  But if it really existed and that was what I was experiencing, was I dead as well?  That thought alone made me stumble backward.  My kids!  I hadn’t gotten an opportunity to say goodbye to them.  My poor boys!  My daughter!  They were going to all grow up without me!

      But if I were dead, how long had I been gone?  I remember kissing my babies goodnight.  Or had that just been a dream, an illusion?  I narrowed my eyes and looked up at the man or ghost of Darryl.  His hand was outstretched towards the wall.  I looked in that direction wondering what the hell he was gesturing to then looked back at him.  Before I knew what was happening or could even attempt to stop it I was being pulled forward.  Straight through the wall we went.

      Shit!  I am dead, I thought to myself.  This is some real poltergeist type shit, I said in my head as I looked around.  I scanned my body to be sure that there wasn’t any damage.  I looked just fine.  But instead of the thin nightgown that I’d worn to bed I was wearing the cat suit I’d worn on the day that we stormed Aunt Ruth’s home.  The same attire I’d worn when I pointed my gun in between her eyes and pulled the trigger.                                                                   

      Darryl pointed ahead.  When I didn’t move he nodded his head in that direction.  I wondered why suddenly he was playing mute.  He was speaking to me just a few moments ago when he was waking me.  Or had that too just been a figment of my imagination?  As we walked the long narrow hallway I placed my fingers on the wall and sure enough it was real.  I could feel it beneath my fingertips as I traced it as we walked. 

      I had a sense that the adventure was far from being over.  I tried not being afraid.  After what seemed to be a lifetime we stopped in front of a huge brown door that had a brass handle.  Darryl’s hand reached around to turn the handle.  When the door flew open I shivered uncontrollably.  I took a deep breath trying to get more fight in me to protect myself.  His hand was on the small of my back gently pushing me forward.  I could feel myself resisting but the force of his hands pushing me forward was overpowering me. 

      When we entered the room I looked around slowly.  It looked like the house that I grew up in.  It was the same sitting room that Elina had sat in, drinking and drugging in the middle of the same.  Everything from the bookshelf to the furniture was the same.  I glanced around the room one last time until my eyes reached the conference table. 

      Sitting around the table were Amina, Cathy, Ronald and Aunt Ruth.  Darryl pushed me further into the room.  Everyone turned robotically to look me over.  I choked in surprise.  Bending over to catch my breath I noticed the snakes that were slithering slowly around my ankles.  Where was I?  In hell?  Had I died and gotten exactly what I deserved for the things I’d done while alive? 

      What in the hell was happening?

      I had confessions to make.  Hundreds maybe even thousands of them.  But I had already owned up to my wrong doing.  I’d apologized to God a long time ago for going astray and leading a life that He would not agree with.  I wasn’t about to sit amongst those that I’d either killed myself or had given the order to have killed.  I just wouldn’t do it.

      I knew what they all wanted.  They wanted me there with them on the other side.  But instead of being there as I had lived they’d prefer me to be burned alive, sitting amongst them in misery, totally disfigured.  Or better yet, they’d love to see me burnt at the stake like a witch, and then have my lifeless body hung from a tight noose, swinging back and forth for eternity, on display for everyone to see.

      The mood in the room was very somber.

      Darien rotated his chair and faced me.  He was smiling broadly like the cat that caught the canary, all teeth.  His long frame was in a simple pair of jeans and a gray shirt.  Amina whose back was turned to me slid around and rolled her eyes at me as if the mere sight of me disgusted her down to the very core.  She looked just as beautiful in death as she had when alive.  Her long dark hair flowed and her skin was still flawless.  The long blue chiffon dress she wore fit her tiny little figure like it had been painted onto her skin.  Her beautiful eyes bore through me.  She was sitting next to her mother, Cathy.  Cathy turned to face me.  She was wearing that same smug ass look on her face that she was wearing on the night that I had left her for dead.  Just like her daughter she was dressed to impress.  The blue pant suit she wore was expensive and tailored to fit.  Her hair was styled to perfection and her makeup was flawless. 

      Aunt Ruth’s head was cast downward.  But when she noticed everyone else greeting me her head shot up.  Her eyes were burning me.  The bullet hole was no longer in between her eyes.  She looked as she had on the countless trips we’d taken to visit with her before the day that I killed her.  She’d been a simple one in life and was just as simple in death.  Her hair although neat was short and not styled to perfection as Cathy’s was.  Aunt Ruth’s legs were crossed.  The green capris she wore were wrinkle free.  And of course she wore a comfortable pair of house slippers on her feet.

      Aunt Ruth was my aunt by marriage but she never treated me like I wasn’t a blood relative.  From the first meeting on she had loved me.  Maybe I had allowed my anger to get the best of me and had taken things too far.  Had Aunt Ruth really deserved the hand that I dealt her?  Taryn had backed me into a corner, not her.  But then again I’d killed her as an answer to Taryn murdering Charity.  Were my reasons not justified?  Watching her amongst those animals made me second guess my actions.

      Standing off in the distance were men whom I didn’t recognize.  I assumed they were all of the men that I had killed during those times that I was running from Taryn.  Everyone that I’d done away with, were there to greet me. 

      You’re the guest of honor Sophie.  Have a seat, Cathy hissed.

      I groaned, frowning at Cathy.  I’m fine standing, I answered.

      Amina’s slanted brown eyes squinted.  You have something that I want Sophie.  Something that belongs to me, Amina said, once again rolling those eyes at me.  Her hands were placed over her flat belly. 

      I took her baby.  I was raising her son as my own.  Was she here to take him from me or to take me from him?

      She owes us all something.  Like our lives, Darien chimed in.

      Amina crossed her legs and again rolled those beautiful eyes.  I’d always hated that bad habit of hers.  Yes, Sophie, I’d like my life back.  Can you make that happen?  Can you give me my life back?  Can you give me back the years that I haven’t spent with my son, she asked nonchalantly, checking her manicured nails.  Even in death her attitude sucked. 

      I wondered how things between myself and the girl that I once thought of as my sister could have gotten so bad.  I had loved Amina more than I loved the woman who had given birth to me.  I had committed my first murder for Amina and her sister Serenity.  I hadn’t even thought about it.  They needed saving and I took charge and saved them.  How did it go from one end of the spectrum to the other? 

      Cathy’s hands clasped together in excitement as she squealed, Yes!  To have my flesh back!  That would be quite wonderful Sophie!  I was killing it in the business world when you offed me.  I was close to taking out your lover and his business.  She smiled at Darien and then turned back to me with a scowl covering her face.  Yes, I was going to take over the city.  I was so damn close, Sophie.  So damn close!

      We were leaving the country Sophie.  All Cathy and I wanted was to be together.  Was getting revenge worth this, Darien asked?

      My skin crawled.  I couldn’t fix my lips to answer that question because now, years later I too wondered if the extreme measures I’d taken had really been worth the outcome.  I glanced at Amina who was still holding her flat belly and the answer hit me.  Maybe murdering Darien and Cathy had been overstepping.  But Amina, well she had to pay for the crimes that she had committed against me.  If I hadn’t allowed Darien, Darryl, and Taryn to deal with her accordingly, she would still be alive and she would be raising, Noel’s first born.

      I never would have let her have him.  Even if the courts had found in her favor, which they most likely would have since she was his birth mother, I wouldn’t have just given up and let her keep him.  Yes she’d carried Ty for nine months and had given birth to him without the father being present.  But it was the way she got pregnant with him offended me.  She’d drugged my husband and used that time alone with him to give him the one thing she knew that he desperately wanted—the one thing that at that particular time, I wasn’t willing to give to him.  And she had actually believed in her heart of hearts that he’d leave me to be with her because she’d given birth to his first born.  But she hadn’t counted on Noel loving me so much.  And she hadn’t counted on me loving Noel enough to kill over him.

      So yes, Amina was going to die no matter what.  I wasn’t upset that I’d walked out of her hospital room knowing that the three men, who had sworn to always protect me, would kill her, just hours after she’d given birth to her beautiful son.

      Amina deserved what she got and much more, I said, trying for a dismissive tone to let her know that even in death she didn’t have my respect.

      Amina flicked a surprised glance at me.  She smirked then turned to her mother and shook her head.  When her gaze returned to me, her smirk deepened.  Because I slept with the man you loved I deserved to die the way that I did, alone, with no family around?  Knowing that my son was going to grow up without me?  I really deserved to die like that?

      Ladies, ladies, let’s not turn this into a cat fight, Darryl said, pushing me forward, closer to the table.

      One by one they all stood.  Smiles were on every face.  Every face but Aunt Ruth’s was smiling.

      It’s time for you to join us Sophie.  Aunt Ruth’s tone was dry, cold, flat, and extremely serious.

      No TRUST BETWEEN OLD FRIENDS

      Everyone believes that money and power will make them happy, solve all of their woes, when all it truly does is ruin everything good within them.  I was proof of that.  My family, or so called family were proof of that.  Money and power had ruined the men who raised me, causing them to ruin me.  The older I became the more I began to feel the need to have unlimited power at my fingertips.  That need for more power than I should be allowed to possess and that road that one must travel to obtain that type of power, had pretty much ruined my life. 

      My fingers curled into my palms.  I breathed in deeply.  I begged my alter ego to stay hidden in that small compartment that I kept her in.  Unleashing her would do no one any good.  Each day was a test for me.  I never knew if the day had finally come.  Will I snap today or will it hold off another day or so?  So far I’d been holding it together pretty good.  Thoughts of killing Taryn and everyone in his household had crossed my mind on several occasions but I hadn’t acted on it. 

      Not yet.

      I’d been on my best behavior.  Something that was very hard for me to do those days.  I wanted nothing more than to be reunited with my husband but I was smart enough to know that acting like a crazy woman and fighting without first having a game plan in place would do me no good.  So I was playing it cool and biding my time, just sitting back waiting for someone to make a mistake—a mistake that would lead me to finding a way back into the arms of Ronin. 

      It was five o’clock in the morning and I was already up and out of the house.  I couldn’t sleep to save my life.  The kids were all still sleeping so I thought I’d get out of the house to get some fresh Kentucky air.  Unfortunately nothing but the summer heat had greeted me at the door that morning when I poked my head out the door to check the weather. 

      I hadn’t been able to sleep after that dream, no correction, that nightmare.  I woke up in a sweat heaving and gasping for air.  My room had still been dark.  It was still very early.  The rest of the house was so quiet.  Everyone else was sleeping peacefully.  The dead were not visiting them in the middle of the night.  Just thinking about that nightmare made my skin crawl.  I brushed off my arms as if there were tiny insects crawling around on my skin that I needed to rid myself of. 

      I went into my huge walk in, crouched at the knees and pulled the small box that was lying on the floor, towards me.  Smiling when I opened the box, I pulled my weapon out and rubbed my fingers across it like it was a long lost lover.  I slipped from my bedroom, past the children’s bedrooms and down the long winding stairwell.  There was no smell of bacon, eggs and hotcakes in the air.  It was still a little early for the cook and Dalia to be up and about.  I tilted my head to listen just in case I wasn’t up alone.  Not a sound greeted me.  I picked up the phone that sat in the hallway and dialed Jack’s number.  I didn’t bother waiting for him to answer.  When he saw that number pop up on the screen of his phone, he knew that he’d just better dress and hightail it to the house. 

      Just to make sure that I didn’t fall out I went to the kitchen and fixed myself a turkey sandwich and guzzled down half a bottle of spring water.  I figured that I’d given Jack more than the ample amount of time to get dressed and get his tail to the house so I did away with my trash and the dishes that I’d used and headed out the front door.

      The car was just where I knew it would be—sitting in front of the house with Jack sitting in the driver’s seat waiting for me.  I snatched open the passenger side door and climbed in slamming the door once my legs were securely in the car.  I didn’t bother to say thank you.  I sat my gun and box of ammo onto my lap so he’d know exactly which direction we needed to be headed without me having to actually acknowledge him.

      His eyes were on me for several seconds but I refused to turn in his direction.  

      We ended up at my favorite spot on the grounds, the gun range.  I spent hours upon hours there passing the time.  Taryn had made sure that everything I needed was there, my kids, the gun range and the horses.  But no matter how hard he tried to make it feel like home my heart wasn’t there.  I wasn’t at home.  My home would always be where Ronin was. 

      My gun was at my side when I came out of my trance.  Thinking of Ronin always took me to another place and time.  Those thoughts always distracted me.  I shook off thoughts of him that would surely make me depressed and focused.  I’d been out there for over an hour and still hadn’t gotten all of my frustrations out for the day.  So I kept going and going.  I wouldn’t stop until I was certain that I could get through the day without a single thought of killing someone. 

      Shot after shot I’m hitting my mark.  My target is riddled with bullets.  Yet I proceed to empty clip after clip after clip until there is very little left of my target hanging before me.  I’m still reloading even though there is hardly anything left to shoot at.  My anger was driving me, forcing me forward and forcing me to continue shooting.  I close my eyes, aim and continue hitting my mark.

      I learned from the best.  It could be midnight, pitch black in the deepest parts of the forest and I could shoot a deer in between its eyes with my eyes squeezed shut.  Darryl and Darien had taught me to shoot blind folded when I was just a small girl so I know my way around weapons like I had been born with one in my hands.  I fired off five more shots and without opening my eyes I knew I was hitting my mark.

      I was standing in the middle of the gun range in a black tank, black leggings and pair of four inch Jimmy Choo black boots.  I’d never been much of a diva but I loved a beautiful pair of shoes.  I’d been at the range practicing for over three hours.  You’d think my feet would be killing me but they weren’t.  I could stand comfortably for hours in a pair of pumps. 

      I reload and once again aim at my target while trying to put the day that I was having in the back of my mind.  My day wasn’t quite going as planned.  I was still being held captive.  That alone seemed to dampen my every day. 

      When I realize that my target is completely destroyed I place my gun down and move forward to assess the damage.  With each step I feel some of the anger that lives within me subsiding.  But not much.  I’m always angry these days.  Not much makes me smile anymore.  I’m always ready to bite someone’s head off or better yet, shoot it off.  But unfortunately for me I can’t seem to get to the source of my anger.  Not in the way that I’d like. 

      I reach my target and pull what’s left of it close.  I examine it closely, wishing that it had been the real thing.  I’d insisted on targets that weren’t very durable.  I wanted to destroy them.  It was the only way to put myself in a mood that everyone around me could live with.  I took a brief look around at my surroundings, land on top of land.  It was beautiful.  The area was quite quaint.  So rural that Taryn didn’t have to worry about neighbors for miles.  The houses on the land resembled that of modern day castles—just massive and grand.  And then there was the huge wall surrounding the large estate.  I was well hidden, more than the first time I’d been kidnapped. 

      A warm breeze whistled through.  I stopped, closed my eyes and enjoyed the feeling of it touching my face and whisking through my hair.  There were forty one men situated strategically around me.  I knew that there were forty one of them there because I had counted each one and had thought silently about how I would have picked them off one by one if I had real bullets in my weapon. 

      Taryn trusted me to go out to the range but not with real bullets.  He was far from stupid.  He’d never hand me a way out.  He’d gone through a lot of trouble to get me where he wanted me, too much trouble to take chances with me getting away from him again.  We weren’t making any meaningful strides towards him trusting me completely.  We’d never get back to that point in our relationship. 

      But even if I had real bullets in my gun, there were forty of them and one of me.  They had their orders.  They wouldn’t kill me, but I’d probably end up with a permanent limp if I tried anything stupid. 

      We were about two and a half miles from the house.  I’d counted every tree and took note of every detail as we drove from the house to the firing range just to familiarize myself with my surroundings.  A time could come when I’d need to know the layout of the house and the grounds inside out.  So there was no time like the present to begin checking things out thoroughly. 

      The place was like a fortress.  We were completely hidden from the world.  Smack dab in the middle of nowhere.  He’d taken to the one place no one would ever look for us, Henry County Kentucky.  None of us had ties to Kentucky so Ronin would never start there without some help.  I hadn’t seen any of the town but I knew for a fact that it was nowhere near the size of Miami.  I smiled thinking that Taryn must be mad to travel down to Kentucky where they still believed in death row and the whole lethal injection type of punishment.  One wrong move and we all could have found ourselves locked away awaiting a shot that would end our lives. 

      It was still rather early and I was just hitting my stride, so I prepared the target for more damage and walked swiftly back towards my weapon.  After loading my 9mm and began picturing Taryn’s face on the target.  I aimed and fired two shots rapidly, with a huge smile forming on my face.  I was starting to enjoy picturing Taryn’s face and thinking of what I’d do if I actually had real bullets in my weapon and were face to face with him. 

      I looked back over the men who were all pretending to be sightseeing and studied their faces one by one.  They were all trim and muscular.  Not an ounce of fat on any of them.  They were so intense, looking as if they were guarding one of the president’s daughters. 

      I took a long deep breath.  There would be no turning any of them.                     

      I turned to find Jack staring at me oddly.  His eyes locked with mine and the corners creased as he smiled my way.  I was still pissed at him and that would never change.  I was once so grateful to that man for all he’d done for me and the security that I felt when I was with him, and now I just felt nothing but loathing for him.  He’d given up a lot for me.  He’d murdered people all in the name of keeping me safe.  He left the force to take on watching over me and keeping me safe.  All of those sacrifices and he threw it all away with the snap of his fingers. 

      For me.

      It’s said that a scorned woman is a real bitch, but I don’t think that statement is exactly accurate.  Men deal with broken hearts so much worse than women ever could.  Once they’ve loved…..connected emotionally, they latch on and they have one hell of a time letting go.  Despite all that Jack had done, perhaps he had done it all because he couldn’t deal with losing me.

      He was leaning against the truck.  I guess I stared a little too long.  He straightened and started walking my way.  I’d been pissed off at him for so long that I’d forgotten how good looking Jack was.  Tall dark, light colored eyes, and a body that was sculpted by the heavens.  All six foot two of Jack was all muscle.  If he did nothing else he took great care of that body.  He was no longer smiling.  He’d always been the type of guy who was all business.  But loving me had brought out another side of him, one that he had closed off the day that I chose to go back to Ronin. 

      Even when he was smiling there was sadness in those light eyes.  He was still grieving losing me—losing us.  I had rushed in head first with him and ended up hurting him badly.  I look him over slowly.  The jeans that are just snug enough to see the bulge.  The shirt that is just loose enough not to be too much snug enough to see every muscle.  I smiled to myself.  I was glad that things had turned out the way they had.  I never would have been truly happy living without Ronin.  But Jack, Jack had not just been another man in my life.  He’d been special to me and to my sons.  I fell in love with him once upon a time.  And I had honestly planned on spending my life with him. 

      Funny how quickly things change.

      He looks at my target.   Not bad. Not bad at all.  A smile lingered on his lips. 

      I eyed the gun that sat in his side holster.  I’m shooting nothing but blanks.  Can I use yours?

      Sure, let me hand my weapon over to the woman who wants nothing more than to see me dead, he said sarcastically. 

      I promise not to kill you.  Wound you yes….but I won’t kill you.

      I’ve grown attached to my balls, he whispered.  I think I’ll keep my gun and let you continue to shoot blanks," he muttered with amusement.

      You’re no fun, I laughed.

      He smiled with a smirk on his face.  I’m plenty of fun Sophie.  You just don’t remember, he said, twirling a strand of my hair around his finger.

      I stepped backward, away from his reach.  We’re in the middle of nowhere.  What is it that you do for fun when you’re not watching my every move?

      I’ve been getting caught up on some reading, knitting, crocheting, he teased, with a smile."

      I laughed at the ridiculousness of his statement.  How much, did he pay you to come back to work for him?

      The smile disappeared from his lips.  It was never about the money, he replied with exasperation. 

      He tried to kill you.  He told his brother, the same brother that I tortured and murdered, to kill you, and you willingly jump back into doing business with him, I asked?  I laughed and when he didn’t respond I continued on with my attack.  Are you psychotic or do you just have a death wish to fulfill?

      Jack ran one hand over his face.  I can’t explain why I did what I did Sophie.  His expression was sour when he replied.

      Oh, I can explain it.  You were jealous of what I have with Ronin, so you sabotaged my whole life and turned it completely upside down.

      There was no way that he could deny that we were in this mess partially because he was so pissed off over me choosing Ronin that he couldn’t stand it.  I just wondered if the betrayal had been worth it to him.  Taryn never keeps his end of any bargain.  He pulls his victims in with promises that sound too sweet to believe and then he would just renege on his part of the deal.

      Jack’s eyes wrinkled in thought.  Yes, I was in a jealous rage.  I could have killed someone.  Maybe I should have.  Maybe I should have either offed myself because I can’t see living without you, or I should have loved you the way I should have and just walked away, he replied grimly.

      Thanks for the apology but it’s a little too late to be apologetic.

      He stepped forward grimacing wryly.  Jack’s face was just inches from mine.  His breath swept over my face.  Do you not know what loving you did to me, he questioned with raised eye brows?

      Forgive me if I don’t sympathize with you.

      His eyes narrowed and his brows compressed as he shook his head.  Come on Sophie.  We’re better than this.  You can’t stay mad at me forever.

      I sure as hell can and I will.

      His index finger tapped his temple.  I gave up a life that was damn promising for you.  The look in his eyes showed that he was sincerely apologetic for his actions and was still for some odd reason in love with me. 

      Don’t blame your bad choices on me.  I’ve made a ton of my own and they’re all, my damn fault.  No one forced me to do any of the stupid things I’ve done that have caused me to end up here.

      Jack lifted one eyebrow.  I don’t agree with that.  Taryn is the blame for all of this.

      No he isn’t.  He doesn’t shoulder all of it.  We all share the blame for this mess.  Taryn made decisions that led us here, but so did I.  And damn it Jack, so did you.

      He frowned for a second before responding.  How many times do you want me to say I’m sorry?

      I offered up a weak smile.  How many times will it take for you to mean it and actually do something about it?

      He’d apologized enough!  He was being ridiculous in my eyes.  He knew that he’d messed up royally, so why wasn’t he trying to do something about it?  Why wasn’t he trying to right his wrong?  Why was his awareness of his epic screw up not causing him to call for help?  He could apologize for days even years but it would mean absolutely nothing if he wasn’t ready to be a man and do something about it. 

      No matter how I tried to get him to realize that the only way to show me that he was sorry would be to get me back home to my husband, his stubbornness and his pride was standing in the way of him doing that. 

      He whistled softly.  Look around you Sophie.  I’m just as much an outcast and a prisoner here as you.

      Are you fucking kidding me?  You’re free to roam around this fucking country any time you like!  But I’m stuck here.  He’s been holding me prisoner since I was a kid and he’s still getting away with it.

      Jack’s voice lowered.  I never meant for things to end up like this Sophie, he replied calmly.

      I’m sure you didn’t but this is my reality now.  And it’s partly your fault.

      He looked at me, shaking his head.  If I could go back and change things I swear I would.  I didn’t want to see you with Ronin but I sure as hell never wanted to see you with Taryn.  I wanted you.  I wanted us to end up together, he explained, his expression tightening. 

      I’m sure you would dud.  But I’m sure that no matter what you would have planned out of jealousy, I still wouldn’t be with Ronin.  You despised the fact that I chose him over you and you just wanted to hurt me, get back at me any way that you could.  I turned in a circle then faced him again.  And you succeeded.  You hurt me Jack.

      I made real bad decisions Sophie.  All of them were because I loved you so much it hurt.  And to see you with another….it was killing me.  It was killing me and I didn’t know how to deal with that pain.  I didn’t know how to go back to being your friend.

      So teaming up with Taryn seemed like a bright idea to you?  Incredible!  We still aren’t together Jack.  You just managed to pull me out of one man’s arms and push me into another’s.

      Besides getting myself killed trying to get you out of here, what can I do to make my bad choices up to you, he asked, his expression a mixture of fear and hope?

      If you can’t get me back home into the arms of the man that I love, there’s nothing that you can do for me.

      The smile spread across his lips again.  He cocked his head to the side.  He turned away from me and took a few paces backward before turning to face me once more.  I still love you Sophie.  I swear that hasn’t changed and it never will.  You’ll always be number one in my life.  Always.

      I stared blankly at him.  Damn he had a lot of nerve.  I can barely stand to look at you.

      His eyes were unwavering.  But you loved me once.  Not just loved me, you were in love with me.  Those feelings are still in there somewhere.  They may be buried deep but they’re there.

      Mouth falling open, I said, You’ll never have me Jack.  As long as I’m here, in Taryn’s mind, I belong to him.  If somehow I make it back home, I’m going to be with Ronin.  Nothing will ever change the fact that he’s the one for me, nothing.

      Within a second he was standing so close to me that I could feel his breath on my face.  I could have sworn that I saw tears trying to well up in those beautiful eyes.  That, stings, he said.  I love you as much as you love him and it means nothing to you.

      If he hadn’t been the reason I had been delivered back to Taryn on a silver platter I would have been saddened by breaking his heart.  But I was with Taryn and not with Ronin and it was all his doing.  I was being held against my will and there was nothing that I could do about it.  I had absolutely no freedom. 

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