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Nelson Ni 9929 Back Acre Drive Charlotte, NC 28213 February 4, 2013 Eric Shinseki The Honorable Secretary of Veterans Affairs Honorable General Shinseki: I am a college student who has been recently honorably-discharged from US Army. I have served for four years, abiding to the oath of service which I took in 2008. Throughout my term of service I have fought with blood and sweat for the safety of this nation just as you have General, I have seen the war torn country of Iraq and the sacrifices that we as servicemen made for this great country of ours. Yet upon separation from the service I expected the same treatment from our government which I have proudly served, but Im disappointed and disheartened by how our current Post-9-11 GI bill works, and its discrimination against paying full tuition for out- of- state students, while at the same time they will pay the same amount for private schools of higher level of education. I am currently enrolled as an out- of- state student in the University of North Carolina of at Charlotte. Though right now, Im counted as an out of state student for now, I am planning on making this state my home state of residencet. As an out- of- state student, Im currently paying $6,500 out of pocket for my education. An expense that shouldve been fully covered by my GI Bill, however the GI bill states that they will only cover the in-state tuition cost for publicly funded schools. Though this does did not infuriate me at first, but then I saw the coverage for private schools, which is up to $18,000 a year. This, in my case, is exactly the same amount that I required for my educational needs. This extra cost for my education is a great burden upon my financial situation. Though I did save much of my military earnings as a Sergeant in the Army, but you should know that our military pay is not that high, and we rely much on this GI bill to help us transit from being a soldier to a productive member of this society. Also with the disadvantages of our age and years away from school, we do not have the privileges of having a family that pays for our school expenses; we do not have that continuation of higher in class education. I did not have the time to do online course while overseas, I was not one of those soldiers who constantly sit in the FOB doing online courses. I was living in the little remote outpost, sleeping in makeshift buildings and going on 12- hours patrols. I have to take multiple hours of extra study time plus tutoring, so there is hardly any time for me to work a part time job.
Comment [AP1]: Nice. Comment [AP2]: Im wondering what tone is created when you refer directly to your audience like this. Its worth noting because the audience is clear in the address, so doesnt it strike a negative tone to use the name extraneously here?

Comment [AP3]: Maybe you can use say postsecondary here.

Comment [AP4]: It might be best to avoid contractions in this particular context. Comment [AP5]: Per semester or year? Be specific. Comment [AP6]: Does this contradict your statement about where you say they will pay the same amount for private schools? I guess I may not be following something here.

Comment [AP7]: Would transition be a better word?

Comment [AP8]: Not sure Im following this statement

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I feel that this is not fair for us veterans who choose as public university that is outside of their state of residency, and General I know that it is not up to you to make these laws, but that of Congress. General I beg of you not just for myself but for all of the veterans who are returning home from the war in Iraq and Afghanistan, for the majority of us who have been place in different states of this country by the callings of our Commander in Chief, we should be entitle to the same benefits that is are provided for attending a public universities as that of private universities. General I beg of you to suggest this to our Congressional leaders so that we veterans can truly have a freedom of choice in deciding our source of education. General, with the approval of this new law, we as veterans should be able to better ourselves even further in this society and to rely less on the help on the VA. In the end General, I would like to thank you for taking the time to read this letter, and I would like to also thank you for serving this great nations of ours even after retirement from the service. Sincerely,

Comment [AP9]: Too much?

Nelson Ni Sergeant (Ret.)

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Nelson Ni Prof. Adam P. ENGL-1102-108 18 February 2013 Complaint Letter Analysis The premise of this letter was to inform the Secretary of Veterans Affair the problem with the unequal pay of the Post 9-11 GI Bill on private and public secondary institutions of educations. The main point of rhetoric that is being made is Ethos and Pathos. By using these two I feel that Im able to connect to the audience whom is Gen. (Ret.) Shinseki, by pleading to the soldier side of him. Throughout this letter, I used the word General instead of Sir, is because in military lingo all officers above the rank of Colonel are addressed as General not sir. Which many people in the outside world tend to mistakenly make all the time. Also by calling him General, I am able to bring him back into his old role in the military, and in the military it is the job of the commanding officer to ensure the accomplishment of the mission along with the welfares of his soldiers. So in calling him General, Im asking him to see me as one of his soldiers, a soldier whos welfare that he must look out for, out of his commitment to the Army, and to the man and woman that he was in charge of.
Comment [AP10]: What kind of clout does he have in military dealings now and why do you think he is be the best audience for this letter?

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The usage of my military time and combat was another form of appeal to his pathos and ethos. In the Army we have a saying No one left behind, by telling him my experience, I show him that I have earn my keep and now it is the governments time to cough up my reward for which I have work and earn. Ethically we all believe in getting our just rewards, emotionally as long as I am able to establish a similarity of connection between the two of us, he will see me on a closer term, instead of another veteran who is in need of economic help. Then with the use of We as veterans, Im including him into our category, by including him and all the other veterans it transform this complaint letter to more than just a personal complaint letter. It morphs it into a complaint letter that any Veteran who is suffering from this injustice can stand behind of. Lastly I thank him for his service to our country. The reason I choose to thank him, is because the man has been in government service since the day he join West Point Military Academy combine that with the 38 years of military service and five years of tenure as the Secretary of Veterans Affairs. He deserves recognition, especially the fact that he is a politician now, and we the people tend to overlook their previous achievement and blame them for all of their current political failures.

Nelson, I think youre analysis shows thoughtful reflection on your writing process and the choices you made to produce the letter you have. Also, I think you have done well expressing and explaining your grievance to your audience here. It is clear and to the

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point. I am wonder about a couple of things though. First, Im unclear about the whole private school thing. Is does the GI bill cover private school tuition and not out-of-state? Or does the GI bill only cover in-state? This is a little murky for me. Second, you need to watch some of your subject-verb agreements here. Ive noted and corrected a few, but you need to keep a sharp eye out for them during revision.