Old Testament, Lord creates the universe & sees it and it's serious biz, but then Satan

pretends snake and trolls Eve, telling her "apple or GTFO" (cuz she was already showing titz). She chooses the former and then she and her fuck buddy Adam get b& from Eden for being trollbait. Then a lot of serious fucking incest occurs and we get the human race (which explains a lot, really). Then later, Lord gets uber pissed about Pharaoh HItler pwning the Jews, so he gives Moses some cheat codes for the universe. Moses stages a mass slave runaway and opens up thesea so the Jews can run through, closing it behind him to drown the ancient Nazis. Lord lol'ed. Some other less important shit happens, mostly composed of a bunch of phaggots writing emo poetry about Lord for him to fap to. New Testament, Lord finds Mary sleeping and just sticks the tip in and drops his load, nine months later, Jesus is born. For his 13th b-day, God gave Jesus more cheat codes than he gave Moses plus the rcon password and some CP. Later, Jesus became a hardcore ska punk and trolled old school Jews hard. They got pissed and permabanned him with a cross and some 9" nails. They forgot he had god mode turned on though, so he waited 3 days and hit vid_restart on the rcon panel, came back into life's server and laughed at the Jews. Kthanxbai