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NO!
Spectrum of behaviours
Group Exercise
For the behaviour type your group has been asked to look at: Write a definition Discuss examples of words and body language associated with this behaviour type
Aggressive behaviour
Standing up for your rights in a way violates the rights of others Ignoring or dismissing the needs, wants, opinions, feelings or beliefs of others Expressing your own needs, wants and opinions in inappropriate ways
Aggressive words
Shut up Stupid Dont you ever listen What a nerve Because I said so Get on with it Youd better Come on I told you so
Submissive behaviour
Failing to stand up for your rights or doing so in a way that others can easily disregard them Expressing your needs, wants, opinions, feelings or beliefs in apologetic or self effacing ways Failing to express honestly your own needs, wants beliefs and opinions
Submissive words
Sorry Its only me Would you mind I could come back later Well its a bit awkward, but er.. I wonder Excuse me I guess Sorry to bother you
Assertive behaviour
Standing up for your own rights in such a way that you do not violate another persons rights Expressing your needs, wants, opinions, feelings or beliefs in direct honest and appropriate ways
Assertive words
I would like I think Lets consider the options Id like to hear your view What do you think about....? I can see that How can we resolve this?
Also
Being clear about what you feel, what you need and how it can be achieved Being able to communicate calmly without attacking Saying yes when you want to, and saying no when you mean no Deciding on, and sticking to, clear boundaries Being happy to defend your position Being confident about handling conflict if it occurs Understanding how to negotiate if people want different outcomes Being able to listen to others Being able to give and receive positive and negative feedback
Assertive Techniques
Basic assertion Responsive assertion Empathetic assertion Fogging Instant replay Discrepancy assertion Negative feelings Consequence assertion
(5) Making sure you are heard / dealing with being cornered
Use the instant replay technique
A way of getting your message through without nagging or whining. The message is repeated or paraphrased until it can no longer be dismissed or ignored. e.g. I cant get the amendments done by 2 oclock. I cant do the amendments by 2 oclock but I could do it by 4 oclock As Ive already said I cant do the amendments by 2 oclock..
Weigh it up!
What will I gain by being assertive? What will I lose by being assertive?
Imagine them doing something very normal like shopping Imagine them as an irritating fly or a child that wants an ice-cream they cant really hurt you
Introduction to assertiveness
Prepared by Suzanne Morton