JUNE 1 RomeNew York Dearest Diary, Today Ive made a major decision: I am never going to die.

Others will die aro nd me. They will !e n lli"ied. Nothin# o" their $ersonality will remain. The li#ht switch will !e t rned o"". Their lives, their entirety, will !e mar%ed !y #lossy mar!le headstones !earin# "alse s mmations &'her star shone !ri#htly,( 'never to !e "or#otten,( 'he li%ed ja))(*, and then these too will !e lost in a coastal "lood or #et hac%ed to $ieces !y some #enetically modi"ied " t re+t r%ey. Dont let them tell yo li"es a jo rney. , jo rney is when yo end $ somewhere. -hen I ta%e the n m!er . train to see my social wor%er, thats a jo rney. -hen I !e# the $ilot o" this ric%ety United/ontinentalDeltamerican $lane c rrently trem!lin# its way across the ,tlantic to t rn aro nd and head strai#ht !ac% to 0ome and into E nice 1ar%s "ic%le arms, thats a jo rney. 2 t wait. Theres more, isnt there3 Theres o r le#acy. -e dont die !eca se o r $ro#eny lives on4 The rit al $assin# o" the DN,, 5amas cor%screw c rls, his #randdaddys lower li$, ah buh-lieve thuh chilren ah our future. Im 6 otin# here "rom 'The 7reatest 8ove o" ,ll,( !y 19:;s $o$ diva -hitney <o ston, trac% nine o" her e$onymo s "irst 81. Utter nonsense. The children are o r " t re only in the most narrow, transitive sense. They are o r " t re ntil they too $erish. The son#s ne=t line, 'Teach them well and let them lead the way,( enco ra#es an ad lts relin6 ishin# o" sel"hood in "avor o" " t re #enerations. The $hrase 'I live "or my %ids,( "or e=am$le, is tantamo nt to admittin# that one will !e dead shortly and that ones li"e, "or all $ractical $ r$oses, is already over. 'Im #rad ally dyin# "or my %ids( wo ld !e more acc rate. 2 t what ah o r chilren3 8ovely and "resh in their yo th> !lind to mortality> rollin# aro nd, E nice 1ar%?li%e, in the tall #rass with their ala!aster le#s> "awns, sweet "awns, all o" them, #leamin# in their dreamy $lasticity, at one with the o twardly sim$le nat re o" their world. ,nd then, a !rie" almost+cent ry later: droolin# on some $oor 5e=ican n rsemaid in an ,ri)ona hos$ice. N lli"ied. Did yo %now that each $eace" l, nat ral death at a#e ei#hty+one is a tra#edy witho t com$are3 Every day $eo$le, individ alsAmericans, i" that ma%es it more r#ent "or yo @"all "acedown on the !attle"ield, never to #et $ a#ain. Never to e=ist a#ain. These are com$le= $ersonalities, their cere!ral corte=es shimmerin# with "loatin# worlds, niverses that wo ld have "loored o r shee$+herdin#, "i#+eatin#, analo# ancestors. These "ol%s are minor deities, vessels o" love, li"e+#ivers, ns n# #eni ses, #ods o" the "or#e #ettin# $ at si=+"i"teen in the mornin# to "ire $ the co""eema%er, mo thin# silent $rayers that they will live to see the ne=t day and the one a"ter that and then Aarahs #rad ation and then B Nullified. 2 t not me, dear diary. 8 c%y diary. Undeservin# diary. Crom this day "orward yo will travel on the #reatest advent re yet nderta%en !y a nervo s, avera#e man si=ty+nine inches in hei#ht, 1.; $o nds in he"t, with a sli#htly dan#ero s !ody mass inde= o" DE.9. -hy '"rom this day "orward(3 2eca se yesterday I met E nice 1ar%, and she will s stain me thro #h "orever. Ta%e a lon# loo% at me, diary. -hat do yo see3 , sli#ht man with a #ray, s n%en !attleshi$ o" a "ace, c rio s wet eyes, a #iant #leamin# "orehead on which a do)en cavemen co ld have $ainted somethin# nice, a sic%le o" a nose $erched ato$ a tiny $ c%ered mo th, and "rom the !ac%, a #rowin# !ald s$ot whose sha$e $er"ectly re$licates the #reat state o" Ohio, with its ca$ital city, /ol m! s, mar%ed !y a dee$+!rown mole. Slight. Ali#htness is my c rse in every sense. , so+so !ody in a world where only an incredi!le one will do. , !ody at the chronolo#ical a#e o" thirty+nine already rac%ed with too m ch 8D8 cholesterol, too m ch ,/T< hormone, too m ch o" everythin# that dooms the heart, s nders the liver, e=$lodes all ho$e. , wee% a#o, !e"ore E nice #ave me reason to live, yo wo ldnt have noticed me, diary. , wee% a#o, I did not e=ist. , wee% a#o, at a resta rant in T rin, I a$$roached a $otential client, a classically attractive <i#h Net -orth Individ al. <e loo%ed $ "rom his wintry bollito misto, loo%ed ri#ht $ast me, loo%ed !ac% down at the !oiled lovema%in# o" his seven meats and seven ve#eta!le sa ces, loo%ed !ac% $, loo%ed ri#ht $ast me again@it is clear that "or a mem!er o" $$er society to even remotely notice me I m st "irst "ire a "lamin# arrow into a dancin# moose or !e %ic%ed in the testicles !y a head o" state. ,nd yet 8enny ,!ramov, yo r h m!le diarist, yo r small nonentity, will live "orever. The technolo#y is almost here. ,s the 8i"e 8overs O treach /oordinator &7rade 7* o" the 1ost+< man Aervices division o" the Ataatlin#+-a$ach n# /or$oration, I will !e the "irst to $arta%e o" it. I j st have to !e #ood and I have to !elieve in mysel". I j st have to stay o"" the trans "ats and the hooch. I j st have to drin% $lenty o" #reen tea and al%alini)ed water and s !mit my #enome to the ri#ht $eo$le. I will need to re+#row my meltin# liver, re$lace the entire circ latory system with 'smart !lood,( and "ind some$lace sa"e and warm &! t not too warm* to while away the an#ry seasons and the holoca sts. ,nd when the earth e=$ires, as it s rely m st, I will leave it "or a new earth, #reener still ! t with "ewer aller#ens> and in the "lowerin# o" my own intelli#ence some 1;ED years hence, when o r niverse decides to "old in on itsel", my $ersonality will j m$ thro #h a !lac% hole and s r" into a dimension o" nthin%a!le wonders, where the thin#s that s stained me on Earth 1.;@tortelli lucchese, $istachio ice cream, the early wor%s o" the Felvet Under#ro nd, smooth, tanned s%in $ lled over the so"t 2aro6 e architect re o" twentysomethin# ! ttoc%s@will seem as la #ha!le and in"antile as ! ildin# !loc%s, !a!y "orm la, a #ame o" 'Aimon says do this.( Thats ri#ht: I am never #oin# to die, caro diario. Never, never, never, never. ,nd yo can #o to hell "or do !tin# me. Gesterday was my last day in 0ome. 7ot $ aro nd eleven, ca""H macchiato at the !ar that has the !est honey !rioche, the nei#h!ors ten+year+old anti+,merican %id screamin# at me "rom his window, 'No #lo!al4 No way4,( warm cotton towel o" # ilt aro nd my nec% "or not #ettin# any last+min te wor% done, my I$$IrIt ! ))in# with contacts, data, $ict res, $rojections, ma$s, incomes, so nd, " ry. Get another day o" early+s mmer wanderin#, the streets in char#e o" my destiny, holdin# me in their oven+warm eternal em!race. Ended $ where I always end $. 2y the sin#le most !ea ti" l ! ildin# in E ro$e. The 1antheon. The rot ndas ideal

$ro$ortions> the wei#ht o" the dome li"ted a!ove ones sho lders, s s$ended in air !y icy mathematic $recision> the oc l s lettin# in the rain and the searin# 0oman s nli#ht> the coolness and shade that nonetheless $revail. Nothin# can diminish the 1antheon4 Not the #a dy reli#io s ma%eover &it is o""icially a ch rch*. Not the in"lated, down+to+their+last+e ro ,mericans see%in# "at shelter !eneath the $ortico. Not the modern+day Italians "i#htin# and cajolin# o tside, !oys tryin# to stic% it inside #irls, mo$eds h mmin# !eneath hairy le#s, m lti+#enerational "amilies ! rstin# with $im$ly li"e. No, this is the most #lorio s #rave mar%er to a race o" men ever ! ilt. -hen I o tlive the earth and de$art "rom its "amiliar wom!, I will ta%e the memory o" this ! ildin# with me. I will encode it with )eros and ones and !roadcast it across the niverse. Aee what $rimitive man has wro #ht4 -itness his "irst han%erin#s "or immortality, his disci$line, his sel"lessness. 5y last 0oman day. I had my macchiato. I !o #ht some e=$ensive deodorant, $erha$s antici$atin# love. I too% a three+ho r, sli#htly mast r!atory na$ in the ridic lo s #low o" my s n+stran#led a$artment. ,nd then, at a $arty thrown !y my "riend Ca!ri)ia, I met E nice@ -ait, no. Thats not e=actly tr e. This chronolo#y isnt ri#ht. Im lyin# to yo , diary. Its only $a#e seven and Im already a liar. Aomethin# terri!le ha$$ened !e"ore Ca!ri)ias $arty. Ao terri!le I dont want to write a!o t it, !eca se I want yo to !e a ositive diary. I went to the U.A. Em!assy. It wasnt my idea to #o. , "riend o" mine, Aandi, told me that i" yo s$end over DJ; days a!road and dont re#ister "or -elcome 2ac%, 1adner, the o""icial United Atates /iti)en 0e+Entry 1ro#ram, they can ! st yo "or sedition ri#ht at JCK, send yo to a 'sec re screenin# "acility( U$state, whatever that is. Now, Aandi %nows ever!thing@he wor%s in "ashion@so I decided to ta%e his vividly e=$ressed, hi#hly ca""einated advice and headed "or Fia Feneto, where o r nations creamy $ala))o o" an em!assy l = riates !ehind a recently ! ilt moat. Not "or m ch lon#er, I sho ld say. ,ccordin# to Aandi, the stra$$ed Atate De$artment j st sold the whole thin# to Atatoil<ydro, the Norwe#ian state oil com$any, and !y the time I #ot to Fia Feneto the enormo s com$o nds trees and shr !!ery were already !ein# coa=ed into tall, a#nostic sha$es to $lease their new owners. ,rmored movin# vans rin#ed the $erimeter, and the so nd o" massive doc ment+ shreddin# co ld !e divined "rom within. The cons lar line "or the visa section was nearly em$ty. Only a "ew o" the saddest, most destit te ,l!anians still wanted to emi#rate to the Atates, and that lonely n m!er was " rther disco ra#ed !y a $oster showin# a $l c%y little otter in a som!rero tryin# to j m$ onto a crammed din#hy nder the ta#line 'The 2oat Is C ll, ,mi#o.( Inside an im$rovised sec rity ca#e, an older man !ehind 1le=i#las sho ted at me incom$rehensi!ly while I waved my $ass$ort at him. , com$etent Cili$ina, indis$ensa!le in these $arts, "inally materiali)ed and waved me down a cl ttered hallway to a moc%+ $ o" a "aded $ !lic+hi#h+school classroom dec%ed o t in the -elcome 2ac%, 1adner, moti". The 5e=ican otter "rom the '2oat Is C ll( cam$ai#n was here ,mericani)ed &som!rero re$laced !y red+white+and+!l e !andana worn aro nd his hirs te little nec%*, then $erched $on a #oo"y+loo%in# horse, the two o" them #allo$in# toward a "iercely risin# and $res ma!ly ,sian s n. , hal"+do)en o" my "ellow citi)ens were seated !ehind their chewed+ $ des%s, m m!lin# lowly into their I$$IrIti. There was an ear$l # lyin# sl #+dead on an em$ty chair, and a si#n readin# INAE0T E,018U7 IN E,0, 18,/E GOU0 L11L0LT ON DEAK, ,ND DIA,28E ,88 AE/U0ITG AETTIN7A. I did as I was told. ,n electronic version o" John /o #ar 5ellencam$s '1in% <o ses( &',int that ,merica, somethin to see, !a!y4(* twan#ed in my ear, and then a $i=elated version o" the $l c%y otter sh ""led onto my I$$IrIt screen, carryin# on his !ac% the letters ,0,, which dissolved into the shimmerin# le#end: ,merican 0estoration , thority. The otter stood $ on his hind le#s, and made a show o" d stin# himsel" o"". '<i there, $adner4( he said, his electronic voice dri$$in# with adora!le carnivales6 e. '5y name is Je""rey Otter and I bet were #oin# to !e "riends4( Ceelin#s o" loss and aloneness overwhelmed me. '<i,( I said. '<i, Je""rey.( '<i there, yo rsel"4( the otter said. 'Now Im #oin# to as% yo some "riendly 6 estions "or statistical $ r$oses only. I" yo dont want to answer a 6 estion, j st say, MI dont want to answer this 6 estion. 0emem!er, Im here to hel$ !ou4 O%ay, then. 8ets start sim$le. -hats yo r name and Aocial Aec rity N m!er3( I loo%ed aro nd. 1eo$le were r#ently whis$erin# thin#s to their otters. '8eonard or 8enny ,!ramov,( I m rm red, "ollowed !y my Aocial Aec rity. '<i, 8eonard or 8enny ,!ramov, D;J+ED+:N1O. On !ehal" o" the ,merican 0estoration , thority, I wo ld love to welcome yo !ac% to the new United Atates o" ,merica. 8oo% o t, world4 Theres no sto$$in s now4( , !ar "rom the 5cCadden and -hitehead disco hit ',int No Ato$$in Us Now( $layed lo dly in my ear. 'Now tell me, 8enny. -hat made yo leave o r co ntry3 -or% or $leas re3( '-or%,( I said. ',nd what do yo do, 8eonard or 8enny ,!ramov3( 'Um, Inde"inite 8i"e E=tension.( 'Go said Me""eminate li"e invention. Is that ri#ht3( 'Indefinite 8i"e "#tension,( I said. '-hats yo r /redit ran%in#, 8eonard or 8enny, o t o" a total score o" si=teen h ndred3( 'Ci"teen h ndred twenty.( 'Thats $retty neat. Go m st really %now how to $inch those $ennies. Go have money in the !an%, yo wor% in Me""eminate li"e invention. Now I j st have to as%, are yo a mem!er o" the 2i$artisan 1arty3 ,nd i" so, wo ld yo li%e to receive o r new wee%ly I$$IrIt stream, M,int No Ato$$in Us Now43 Its #ot all sorts o" #reat ti$s on readj stin# to li"e in these United Atates and #ettin# the most !an# "or yo r ! c%.( 'Im not a 2i$artisan, ! t, yes, I wo ld li%e to #et yo r stream,( I said, tryin# to !e conciliatory.

'O%ey+do%ey4 Go re on o r list. Aay, 8eonard or 8enny, did yo meet any nice foreign $eo$le d rin# yo r stay a!road3( 'Ges,( I said. '-hat %ind o" $eo$le3( 'Aome Italians.( 'Go said MAomalians.( 'Aome Italians,( I said. 'Go said MAomalians,( the otter insisted. 'Go %now ,mericans #et lonely a!road. <a$$ens all the time4 Thats why I never leave the !roo% where I was !orn. -hats the $oint3 Tell me, "or statistical $ r$oses, did yo have any intimate $hysical relationshi$s with any non+,mericans d rin# yo r stay3( I stared hard at the otter, my hands sha%in# !eneath the des%. Did everyone #et this 6 estion3 I didnt want to end $ in an U$state 'sec re screenin# "acility( sim$ly !eca se I had crawled on to$ o" Ca!ri)ia and tried to s !mer#e my "eelin#s o" loneliness and in"eriority inside her. 'Ges,( I said. 'J st one #irl. , co $le o" times we did it.( ',nd what was this non-,mericans " ll name3 8ast name "irst, $lease.( I co ld hear one "ellow sittin# several des%s in "ront o" me, his s6 are ,n#lo "ace hidden $artially !y a thic% mane, !reathin# Italian names into his I$$IrIt. 'Im still waitin# "or that name, 8eonard or 8enny,( said the otter. 'DeAalva, Ca!ri)ia,( I whis$ered. 'Go said MDeAalva@( 2 t j st then the otter "ro)e in mid+name, and my I$$IrIt !e#an to $rod ce its 'heavy thin%in#( noises, a wheel des$erately s$innin# inside its hard $lastic shell, its ancient circ itry com$letely overta=ed !y the otter and his antics. The words E00O0 /ODE ITPC/+7APC8,7 a$$eared on the screen. I #ot $ and went !ac% to the sec rity ca#e o t "ront. 'E=c se me,( I said, leanin# into the mo th hole. '5y I$$IrIt "ro)e. The otter sto$$ed s$ea%in# to me. /o ld yo send over that nice Cili$ina woman3( The old creat re mannin# this $ost crac%led at me incom$rehensi!ly, the la$els o" his shirt trem!lin# with stars and stri$es. I made o t the words 'wait( and 'service re$resentative.( ,n ho r $assed in ! rea cratic metronome. 5overs carried o t a man+si)ed #olden stat e o" o r nations E 1l ri! s Un m ea#le and a dinin# ta!le missin# three le#s. Event ally an older white woman in enormo s ortho$edic shoes clac%ed her way down the hall. Ahe had a ma#ni"icent tri$artite nose, more 0oman than any $ro!oscis ever #rown alon# the !an%s o" the Ti!er, and the %ind o" $in%ish oversi)ed #lasses I associate with %indness and $ro#ressive mental health. Thin li$s 6 ivered "rom daily contact with li"e, and her earlo!es !ore silver loo$s a si)e too lar#e. In a$$earance and mien she reminded me o" Nettie Cine, a woman whom I hadnt seen since hi#h+school #rad ation. Ahe was the "irst $erson to #reet my $arents at the air$ort a"ter they had win#ed their way "rom 5oscow to the United Atates "o r decades a#o in search o" dollars and 7od. Ahe was their yo n# ,merican mama, their lat%es+!earin# syna#o# e vol nteer, arran#er o" En#lish lessons, !e6 eather o" s$are " rnit re. In "act, Netties h s!and had wor%ed in D./. at the Atate De$artment. In " rther "act, !e"ore I le"t "or 0ome my mother had told me he was stationed in a certain E ro$ean ca$ital.B '5rs. Cine3( I said. ',re yo Nettie Cine, maam3( 5aam3 I had !een raised to worshi$ her, ! t I was scared o" Nettie Cine. Ahe had seen my "amily at its most e=$osed, at its $oorest and wea%est &my "ol%s literally immi#rated to the Atates with one $air o" nderwear !etween them*. 2 t this tem$erate !ird o" a woman had shown me nothin# ! t nconditional love, the %ind o" love that r shed me in waves and le"t me "eelin# wea% and de$leted, !attlin# an ndertow whose so rce I co ldnt $lace. <er arms were soon aro nd me as she yelled at me "or not comin# to visit her sooner, and why was I so old+loo%in# all o" a s dden &'2 t Im almost "orty, 5rs. Cine,( 'Oh, where does the time #o, 8eonard3(*, alon# with other e=am$les o" ha$$y Jewish hysteria. It t rned o t that she was wor%in# as a contractor "or the Atate De$artment, hel$in# o t with the -elcome 2ac%, 1adner $ro#ram. '2 t dont #et me wron#,( she said, 'Im j st doin# c stomer service. ,nswerin# 6 estions, not as%in# them. Thats all ,merican 0estoration , thority.( ,nd then, leanin# toward me, in a lowered voice, her articho%e !reath #ently str mmin# my "ace: 'Oh, what has ha ened to s, 8enny3 I #et re$orts on my des%, they ma%e me cry. The /hinese and E ro$eans are #oin# to deco $le "rom s. Im not s re what that means, ! t how #ood can it !e3 ,nd were #oin# to de$ort all o r immi#rants with wea% /redit. ,nd o r $oor !oys are !ein# massacred in Fene) ela. This time Im a"raid were not #oin# to $ ll o t o" it4( 'No, itll !e o%ay, 5rs. Cine,( I said. 'Theres still only one ,merica.( ',nd that shi"ty 0 !enstein. /an yo !elieve hes one o" us3( 'One o" s3( 2arely sonic whis$er: ', $ew.( '5y $arents act ally love 0 !enstein,( I said, in re"erence to o r im$erio s ! t star+crossed De"ense Aecretary. ',ll they do is sit at home and watch Co=8i!erty+1rime and Co=8i!erty+Ultra.( 5rs. Cine made a distaste" l "ace. Ahe had hel$ed dra# my $arents into the ,merican contin m, had ta #ht them to #ar#le and wash o t sweat stains, ! t their in!red Aoviet Jewish conservatism had ltimately re$ lsed her. Ahe had %nown me since I was !orn, !ac% when the ,!ramov mish ocheh lived in Q eens in a cram$ed #arden a$artment that now elicits nothin# ! t nostal#ia, ! t which m st have !een a mean and sorrow" l $lace all the same. 5y "ather had a janitorial jo! o t at a 8on# Island #overnment la!oratory, a jo! that %e$t s in A$am "or the "irst ten years o" my li"e. 5y mother cele!rated my !irth !y !ein# $romoted "rom cler%Pty$ist to secretary at the credit nion where she !ravely la!ored min s En#lish+lan# a#e s%ills, and all o" a s dden we were really on o r way to !ecomin# lower+middle+class. In those days, my $arents sed to drive me aro nd in their r sted /hevrolet 5ali! /lassic to nei#h!orhoods $oorer than o r own, so that we co ld !oth la #h at the " nny ra#ta# !rown

$eo$le sc rryin# a!o t in their sandals and $ic% $ im$ortant lessons a!o t what "ail re co ld mean in ,merica. It was a"ter my $arents told 5rs. Cine a!o t o r little sl mmin# "orays into /orona and the sa"er $arts o" 2ed+At y that the r $t re !etween her and my "amily tr ly !e#an. I remem!er my $arents loo%in# $ 'cr el( in the En#lish+0 ssian dictionary, shoc%ed that o r ,merican mama co ld $ossi!ly thin% that o" s. 'Tell me everythin#4( Nettie Cine said. '-hat have yo !een doin# in 0ome3( 'I wor% in the creative economy,( I said $ro dly. 'Inde"inite 8i"e E=tension. -ere #oin# to hel$ $eo$le live "orever. Im loo%in# "or E ro$ean <N-Is@thats <i#h Net -orth Individ als@and theyre #oin# to !e o r clients. -e call them M8i"e 8overs.( 'Oh my4( 5rs. Cine said. Ahe clearly didnt %now what the hell I was tal%in# a!o t, ! t this woman with her three co rteo s U1enn+#rad ated !oys co ld only smile and enco ra#e, smile and enco ra#e. 'That certainly so nds li%e@somethin#4( 'It really is,( I said. '2 t I thin% Im in a !it o" tro !le here.( I e=$lained to her the $ro!lem I had j st e=$erienced with -elcome 2ac%, 1adner. '5ay!e the otter thin%s I han# o t with Aomalians. -hat I said was MAome Italians.( 'Ahow me yo r I$$IrIt,( she commanded. Ahe raised her eye#lasses to reveal the so"t early+si=ties wrin%les that had made her "ace e=actly how it was meant to loo% since the day she was !orn@a com"ort to all. 'E00O0 /ODE ITPC/+7APC8,7,( she si#hed. 'Oh !oy, ! ster. Go ve !een "la##ed.( '2 t why3( I sho ted. '-hat did I do3( 'Ahhh,( she said. '8et me reset yo r I$$IrIt. 8ets try -elcome 2ac%, 1adner a#ain.( Aeveral attem$ts were made, ! t the same "ro)en otter a$$eared alon# with the error messa#e. '-hen did this ha$$en3( she as%ed. '-hat was that thing as%in# yo 3( I hesitated, "eelin# even more na%ed in "ront o" my "amilys native+!orn savior. '<e as%ed me the name o" the Italian woman I had relations with,( I said. '8ets !ac%trac%,( Nettie said, ever the tro !leshooter. '-hen the otter as%ed yo to s !scri!e to the M,int No Ato$$in Us Now4 thin#, did yo do it3( 'I did.( '7ood. ,nd whats yo r /redit ran%in#3( I told her. 'Cine. I wo ldnt worry. I" yo #et sto$$ed at JCK, j st #ive them my contact in"o and tell them to #et in to ch with me right awa!.( Ahe $l ##ed her coordinates into my I$$IrIt. -hen she h ##ed me she co ld "eel my %nees %noc%in# to#ether in "ear. ',w, sweetie,( she said, a warm tri!al tear s$illin# "rom her "ace onto mine. 'Dont worry. Go ll !e o%ay. , man li%e yo . /reative economy. I j st ho$e yo r $arents /redit ran%in# is stron#. They came all the way to ,merica, and "or what3 %or what&( 2 t I did worry. <ow co ld I not3 Cla##ed !y some " c%in# otter4 Jes s /hrist. I instr cted mysel" to rela=, to enjoy the last twenty ho rs o" my year+lon# E ro$ean idyll, and $ossi!ly to #et very dr n% o"" some so r red 5onte$ lciano. 5y last 0oman evenin# started o t $er the s al, diary. ,nother hal"hearted or#y at Ca!ri)ias, the woman I have had relations with. Im only mildly tired o" these or#ies. 8i%e all New Gor%ers, Im a real+estate whore, and I adore these late+nineteenth+ cent ry T rinese+! ilt a$artments on the h #e, $alm+st dded 1ia))a Fittorio, with s nny views o" the #reen+tin#ed ,l!an <ills in the distance. On my last ni#ht at Ca!ri)ias, the e=$ected ! nch o" "orty+year+olds showed $, the rich children o" /inecittR "ilm directors who are now occasional screenwriters "or the "ailin# 0ai &once Italys main television concern*, ! t mostly ind l#ers o" their $arents "adin# "ort nes. Thats what I admire a!o t yo n#ish Italians, the slow dimin tion o" am!ition, the reco#nition that the !est is "ar !ehind them. &,n Italian -hitney <o ston mi#ht have s n#, 'I !elieve the arents are o r " t re.(* -e ,mericans can learn a lot "rom their #race" l decline. Ive always !een shy aro nd Ca!ri)ia. I %now she only li%es me !eca se Im 'divertin#( and '" nny( &read: Aemitic*, and !eca se her !ed hasnt !een warmed !y a local man in some time. 2 t now that I had sold her o t to the ,merican 0estoration , thority otter, I worried that there mi#ht !e re$erc ssions "or her down the line. Italys #overnment is the last one le"t in -estern E ro$e that still smooches o r ass. In any case, Ca!ri)ia was all over me at the $arty. Cirst she and some "at 2ritish "ilmma%er too% t rns %issin# me on the eyelids. Then, as she was havin# one o" those very an#ry Italian I$$IrIt chats on the co ch, she s$read her le#s to "lash me her neon $anties, her thic% 5editerranean $ !ic hairs clearly visi!le. Ahe too% time o t o" her se=y screamin# and " rio s ty$in# to say to me in En#lish: 'Go ve !ecome a lot more decadent since Ive met yo , 8enny.( 'Im tryin#,( I st ttered. 'Try harder,( she said. Ahe sna$$ed her le#s sh t, which nearly %illed me, and then went !ac% to her I$$IrIt assa lt. I wanted to "eel those ele#ant "orty+year+old !reasts one more time. I made a "ew slow #yratin# motions toward her and !atted my eyelashes &that is to say, !lin%ed a lot*, tryin#, with a dose o" East /oast irony, to resem!le some hot /inecittR leadin# lady o" the 19.;s. Ca!ri)ia !lin%ed !ac% and st c% one hand down her $anties. , "ew min tes later, we o$ened the door to her !edroom to discover her three+year+ old !oy hidin# !eneath a $illow, a clo d o" smo%e "rom the main rooms dra$in# him twice+"old. 'C c%,( Ca!ri)ia said, watchin# the small, asthmatic child crawlin# toward her on the !ed. ''ama,( the child whis$ered. 'Aiuto me.( 'Katia4( she screamed. '(uttana) Ahe s $$osed to watch him. Atay here, 8enny.( Ahe went o"" loo%in# "or her U%rainian nanny, her little !oy st m!lin# thro #h the <ollywood+#rade smo%e !ehind her. I went into the corridor, which seemed li%e the arrivals lo n#e at Ci micino ,ir$ort, with co $les meetin#, comin# to#ether, disa$$earin# into rooms, comin# o t o" rooms, "i=in# their !lo ses, ti#htenin# their !elts, comin# a$art. I too% o t my dated I$$IrIt, with its retro waln t "inish and its d sty screen !lin%in# with slow data, tryin# to #et a read on whether there were any <i#h Net -orth Individ als in the room@last chance to "ind some new clients "or my !oss, Joshie, a"ter havin# "o nd a #rand total o" one client d rin# the whole year@! t no ones "ace was "amo s eno #h to re#ister on my dis$lay. , sort+o" well+%nown 5ediast d, a 2olo#nese vis al artist, s llen and shy in $erson, watched his #irl"riend "lirtin# ridic lo sly with a less accom$lished man. 'I wor% a little, $lay a

little,( someone was sayin# in accented En#lish, "ollowed !y c te, hollow "emale la #hter. , recently arrived ,merican #irl, a yo#a teacher to the stars, was !ein# red ced to tears !y a m ch older local woman, who %e$t sta!!in# her in the heart with one lon#, $ainted "in#ernail and acc sin# her, $ersonally, o" the U.A. invasion o" Fene) ela. , domestic came carryin# a lar#e $late o" marinated anchovies. The !ald man %nown as '/ancer 2oy( "ollowed dejectedly on the heels o" the ,"#hani $rincess to whom he had #iven his heart. , sli#htly "amo s 0ai actor started tellin# me a!o t how he had im$re#nated a #irl o" #ood standin# in /hile and then "led !ac% to 0ome !e"ore /hilean law co ld hold him acco nta!le. -hen a "ellow Nea$olitan showed $, he said to me: 'E=c se s, 8enny, we have to s$ea% in dialect.( I contin ed to wait "or my Ca!ri)ia while ni!!lin# on an anchovy, "eelin# li%e the horniest thirty+nine+year+old man in 0ome @a very serio s distinction. 1erha$s my occasional lover had "allen into anothers arms d rin# o r !rie" se$aration. I did not have a #irl waitin# "or me in New Gor%, I wasnt s re I even had a *ob waitin# "or me in New Gor% a"ter my "ail res in E ro$e, so I really wanted to screw Ca!ri)ia. Ahe was the so"test woman I had ever to ched, the m scles stirrin# somewhere dee$ !eneath her s%in li%e $hantom #ears, and her !reath, li%e her sons, was shallow and hard, so that when she 'made the love( &her words*, it so nded li%e she was in dan#er o" e=$irin#. I ca #ht si#ht o" a 0oman "i=t re, an old ,merican sc l$tor o" small stat re and dyin# teeth who wore his hair in a 2eatles6 e mo$ and li%ed to mention his "riendshi$ with the iconic Tri!eca actor '2o!!y D.( Aeveral times I have $ shed his dr n%en rot ndity into a ta=i, tellin# the ca!!ies his $resti#io s address on the 7ianicolo <ill, and handin# them twenty o" my own $recio s e ros. I had almost "ailed to notice the yo n# woman in "ront o" him, a small Korean &Ive dated two $revio sly, !oth deli#ht" lly insane*, with her hair $ in a $rovocative ! n so that she resem!led va# ely a very yo n# ,sian , drey <e$! rn. Ahe had " ll shiny li$s and a lovely i" incon#r o s s$lash o" "rec%les across her nose, and co ld not have wei#hed more than ei#hty $o nds, a com$actness which made me trem!le with !ad tho #hts. I wondered, "or e=am$le, i" her mother, $ro!a!ly a tiny, immac late woman h mmin# with immi#rant an=iety and !ad reli#ion, %new that her little #irl was no lon#er a vir#in. 'Oh, its 8enny,( the ,merican sc l$tor said when I came aro nd to sha%e his hand. <e was a <i#h Net -orth Individ al, i" !arely, and I had tried to co rt him on several occasions. The yo n# Korean woman #lanced at me with what I too% to !e serio s lac% o" interest &her de"a lt $osition seemed to !e a scowl*, her hands clenched ti#htly !e"ore her. I tho #ht I had !l ndered onto a new co $le and was a!o t to ma%e my a$olo#ies, ! t the ,merican was already startin# to introd ce s. 'The lovely E nice Kim "rom Cort 8ee, New Jersey, via Elder!ird /olle#e, 5ass.,( he said in the !rawlin# 2roo%lyn accent he tho #ht was charmin#ly a thentic. 'E nys an art+history st dent.( 'E nice (ark,( she corrected him. 'I dont really st dy art history. Im not even a colle#e st dent anymore.( I was $leased !y her h mility, ac6 irin# a steady, thro!!in# erection. 'This is 8enny ,!raham. <e hel$s old stoc%!ro%ers live a little lon#er.( 'Its ,!ramov,( I said, with a s !servient !ow to the yo n# lady. I noticed the #lass o" in%y Aicilian red in my hand and dran% it in one #o. ,ll o" a s dden I was sweatin# all over my "reshly la ndered shirt and #ly loa"ers. I too% o t my I$$IrIt, "lic%ed it o$en in a #est re that was au courant may!e a decade a#o, held it st $idly in "ront o" me, $ t it !ac% in my shirt $oc%et, then reached "or a near!y !ottle and re"illed my #lass. It was inc m!ent $on me to say somethin# im$ressive a!o t mysel". 'I do nanotechnolo#y and st "".( '8i%e a scientist3( E nice 1ar% as%ed. '5ore li%e a salesman,( the ,merican sc l$tor r m!led. <e was notorio sly com$etitive over women. ,t the last $arty, he had cham$ioned over a yo n# 5ilanese animator to #et a !low jo! "rom Ca!ri)ias nineteen+year+old co sin. In 0ome this $assed "or !rea%in# news. The sc l$tor made a hal"+t rn toward E nice, $artly o!sc rin# me with one thic% sho lder. I too% that as my si#n to leave, ! t whenever I !e#an to do so, she wo ld #lance my way, cas ally tossin# me a li"eline. 5ay!e she was scared o" the sc l$tor hersel", worried she wo ld end $ on her %nees in a dimly lit room. I dran% heavily, eyein# the sc l$tors !road attem$ts to im$ress the thoro #hly nim$ressi!le E nice 1ar%. 'Ao I says to her, M+ontessa, yo can stay in my !each ho se in 1 #lia ntil yo #et !ac% on yo r "eet. I dont have time "or the !each anyway. They want me to ta%e $ a commission in Ahan#hai. Ai= million y an "or two $ieces. Thats what@"i"ty million dollars3 I says to her, MDont cry, contessa, yo sly old !ird. Ive !een down to nothin# mysel". Not a centavo to my name. 1ractically #rew $ in the 2roo%lyn Navy Gard. Cirst thin# I remem!er was a soc% to the "ace. 2am4( I "elt sad "or the sc l$tor, and not j st !eca se I do !ted his chances with E nice 1ar%, ! t !eca se I reali)ed he wo ld soon !e dead. Crom an e=+lover o" his I had learned that his advanced dia!etes had almost cost him two toes, and the heavy cocaine se was ma=in# o t his a#in# circ latory system. In the ! siness we called him an IT1, Im$ossi!le to 1reserve, the vital si#ns too "ar #one "or c rrent interventions, the $sycholo#ical indicators showin# an 'e=treme willin#nessPdesire to $erish.( Even more des$airin# was his "inancial stat s. Im 6 otin# directly "rom my re$ort to !oss man Joshie: 'Income yearly SD.DO million, $e##ed to the y an> o!li#ations, incl din# alimony and child s $$ort, SE.1D million> investi!le assets &e=cl din# real estate*@northern e ro DD,;;;,;;;> real estate SJ.O million, $e##ed to the y an> total de!ts o tstandin# S1D.9 million, n$e##ed.( , mess, in other words. -hy was he doin# this to himsel"3 -hy not %ee$ o"" the dr #s and the demandin# yo n# women, s$end a decade in /or" or /hian# 5ai, do se his !ody with al%alines and smart technolo#y, clam$ down on the "ree radicals, %ee$ the mind "oc sed on the wor%, !ee" $ the stoc% $ort"olio, ta%e the tire o"" the !elly, let s "i= that a#in# ! lldo#s m #3 -hat %e$t the sc l$tor here, in a city se" l only as a re"erence to the $ast, $reyin# on the yo n#, #or#in# on thic%+haired $ ssy and $late" ls o" car!s, swimmin# with the $revailin# c rrent toward his own n lli"ication3 2eyond that #ly !ody, those rottin# teeth, that c rdled !reath, was a visionary and a creator, whose heavy+handed wor% I sometimes admired. ,s I ! ried the sc l$tor, marchin# !ehind the $all!earers, com"ortin# his !ea ti" l e=+wi"e and cher !ic twin sons, my eyes

watched E nice 1ar%, yo n#, stoic, and "lat, noddin# alon# to the sc l$tors sel"+servin# remar%s. I wanted to reach over and to ch her em$ty chest, "eel the to #h little ni$$les that I ima#ined $roclaimed her love. I noticed that her shar$ nose and little arms were li#htly coated with moist re and that she was matchin# me in the drin%in# de$artment, $l c%in# o"" wine#lasses "rom $assin# trays, her ti#htly wo nd mo th t rnin# $ r$le. Ahe wore "ancy jeans, a #ray cashmere sweater, and a strin# o" $earls which lent her at least ten years o" a#e. The only yo th" l $art o" her was a slee% white $endant@a $e!!le almost@which loo%ed li%e some %ind o" miniat ri)ed new I$$IrIt. In certain wealthy $recincts o" trans+,tlantic society, the di""erences !etween yo n# and old were steadily erodin#, and in other $recincts the yo n# were mostly #oin# na%ed, ! t what was E nice 1ar%s story3 -as she tryin# to !e older or richer or whiter3 -hy do attractive $eo$le have to !e anythin# ! t themselves3 -hen I ne=t loo%ed $, the sc l$tor had $laced his heavy $aw on her ne#li#i!le sho lder and was s6 ee)in# hard. '/hinese women are so delicate,( he said. 'Im not that delicate.( 'Ges, yo are4( 'Im not /hinese.( ',nyway, 2o!!y D. and Dic% 7ere were "i#htin# at a $arty. Dic% came to me and said, M-hy does 2o!!y hate me so m ch3 -ait. -hat was I sayin#3 Do yo need another drin%3 Oh4 Go made the ri#ht choice comin# to 0ome, %itten. New Gor% is "inished these days. ,merica is history. ,nd with those " c%ers in char#e now, Im never #oin# !ac%. C c%in# 0 !enstein. C c%in# 2i$artisan 1arty. Its ,-./, !a!y. Not that yo wo ld #et the re"erence. 5ay!e o r !oo%ish "riend 8enny here co ld enli#hten s. Go re so l c%y to !e here with me, E ny. Do yo want to %iss me3( 'No,( E nice 1ar% said. 'No, than% yo .( No0 thank !ou. , nice Korean #irl, #rad ate o" Elder!ird /olle#e, 5ass. <ow I lon#ed to %iss those " ll li$s mysel" and cradle the sli#htness o" the rest o" her. '-hy not3( the sc l$tor sho ted. ,nd then, !eca se he had lon# lost the a!ility to #a #e short+term conse6 ences, he shoo% her !y the sho lder, a dr n%en sha%e, ! t one that her tiny !ody loo%ed ill+e6 i$$ed to handle. E nice loo%ed $, and in her eyes I saw the "amiliar an#er o" an ad lt s ddenly dra##ed !ac% into childhood. Ahe $ressed one hand to her stomach, as i" she had !een $ nched, and loo%ed down. 0ed wine had s$illed on her e=$ensive sweater. Ahe t rned to me, and I saw em!arrassment, not "or the sc l$tor, ! t "or hersel". '8ets ta%e it easy,( I said, $ ttin# my hand on the sc l$tors ta t, moist nec%. '8ets may!e sit down on the co ch and have some water.( E nice was r !!in# her sho lder and !ac%in# away "rom s. Ahe loo%ed as i" she was e=$ertly holdin# !ac% the tears. 'C c% o"", 8enny,( the sc l$tor said, #ivin# me a little shove. <is hands were ndenia!ly stron#. '7o $eddle yo r "o ntain o" yo th.( 'Cind a co ch and chilla=,( I instr cted the sc l$tor. I moved over to E nice and $ t my arm within the vicinity o" her, ! t not directly $on her. 'Im sorry,( I m ttered. '<e #ets dr n%.( 'Geah, I gets dr n%4( the sc l$tor sho ted. ',nd I may even !e a little !it ti$sy ri#ht now. 2 t in the mornin# Ill !e ma%in# art. ,nd what are yo #oin# to !e doin#, 1eonard3 1 shin# #reen tea and cloned livers to #ee)er 2i$artisans3 Ty$in# in a diary3 8et me # ess. M5y ncle a! sed me. I was addicted to heroin "or three seconds. Cor#et the "o ntain o" yo th, $al o" mine. Go can live to !e a tho sand, and it wont matter. 5ediocrities li%e yo deserve immortality. Dont tr st this # y, E nice. <es not li%e s. <es a real ,merican. , real shar$ie. <es the reason were in Fene) ela ri#ht now. <es why $eo$le are a"raid to say M!oo in the Atates. <es no !etter than 0 !enstein. 8oo% at those dar%, lyin# ,sh%ena)i eyes. Kissin#er the Aecond.( , crowd had started to #ather aro nd s. -atchin# the "amo s sc l$tor 'act o t( was a #reat so rce o" entertainment "or the 0omans, and the words 'Fene) ela( and '0 !enstein,( s$o%en with slow, acc satory relish, co ld aro se even a coma+!o nd E ro$ean. I co ld hear Ca!ri)ias voice anno ncin# itsel" "rom the livin# room. ,s #ently as $ossi!le, I $rodded the Korean toward the %itchen, which led to the servants 6 arters, which enjoyed a se$arate entrance to the a$artment. In the hal"+li#ht o" a !are ! l!, I saw the U%rainian nanny $ettin# the sweet, dar% head o" Ca!ri)ias !oy, as she mane vered an inhaler into his mo th. The child re#istered o r intr sion with little s r$rise, the nanny !e#an to say '+he cosa&,( ! t we troo$ed ri#ht $ast her and the small tidy stash o" clothes and chea$ mementos &a coo%in# a$ron de$ictin# 5ichelan#elos David astride the /olise m* that made $ her immediate $ossessions. ,s E nice and I clam!ered down the noisy mar!le stairs, we heard Ca!ri)ia and others #ive chase, s mmonin# the wire+mesh enclos re o" the elevator to their hi#h "loor, ea#er to catch $ with s and hear what had ha$$ened, how the sc l$tors considera!le dr n%en an#er had !een stirred. '8enny, come !ac%,( Ca!ri)ia was sho tin#. '2obbiamo sco are ancora una volta. -e have to " c% still. One last time.( Ca!ri)ia. The so"test woman I had ever to ched. 2 t may!e I no lon#er needed so"tness. Ca!ri)ia. <er !ody con6 ered !y small armies o" hair, her c rves "i=ed !y car!ohydrates, nothin# ! t the Old -orld and its dyin# nonelectronic cor$oreality. ,nd in "ront o" me, E nice 1ar%. , nano+si)ed woman who had li%ely never %nown the tic%le o" her own $ !ic hair, who lac%ed !oth !reast and scent, who e=isted as easily on an I$$IrIt screen as on the street !e"ore me. O tside, the so thern moon, $re#nant and satis"ied, roosted ato$ the o treached $alm trees o" 1ia))a Fittorio. The s al immi#rant #a##le were slee$in# o"" a lon# day o" man al la!or or t c%in# in their mistresses children. The only $edestrians were stylish Italians sta##erin# !ac% "rom dinner, the only so nds the h m o" their !itter conversations and the hissin# electric rattle o" the old tramcar that s rveyed the $ia))as northeastern side. E nice 1ar% and I marched ahead. Ahe marched, I ho$$ed, na!le to cover $ the joy o" havin# esca$ed the $arty with her !y my side. I wanted E nice to than% me "or savin# her "rom the sc l$tor and his stench o" death. I wanted her to #et to %now me and then to re$ diate all the terri!le thin#s he had said a!o t my $erson, my s $$osed #reed, my !o ndless am!ition, my lac% o" talent, my "ictive mem!ershi$ in the 2i$artisan 1arty, and my desi#ns on /aracas. I wanted to tell her that I mysel" was in dan#er, that the ,merican 0estoration , thority otter had sin#led me o t "or sedition, and all !eca se I had sle$t with one middle+a#ed Italian woman.

I eyed E nices r ined sweater and the o!scenely "resh !ody that lived and sweated and, I ho$ed, yearned !eneath it. 'I %now o" a #ood dry cleaner that can "i= red+wine stains,( I said. 'Theres this Ni#erian $ the !loc%.( I stressed 'Ni#erian( to nderline my o$en+mindedness. 8enny ,!ramov, "riend to all. 'I vol nteer at a re" #ee shelter near the train station,( E nice said, a$ro$os o" somethin#. 'Go do3 Thats so fantastic4( 'Go re s ch a nerd.( Ahe la #hed cr elly at me. '-hat3( I said. 'Im sorry.( I la #hed too, j st in case it was a jo%e, ! t ri#ht away I "elt h rt. '81T,( she said. 'TI5,TOF. 0OC8,,01. 107F. Totally 107F.( The yo th and their a!!reviations. I $retended li%e I %new what she was tal%in# a!o t. '0i#ht,( I said. 'I5C. 18O. EA8.( Ahe loo%ed at me li%e I was insane. 'J2C,( she said. '-hos that3( I $ict red a tall 1rotestant man. 'It means Im Mj st ! tt+" c%in# with yo . J st %iddin#, yo %now.( 'D h,( I said. 'I %new that. Aerio sly. -hat ma%es me a nerd in yo r estimation3( 'MIn yo r estimation,( she mimic%ed. '-ho says thin#s li%e that3 ,nd who wears those shoes3 Go loo% li%e a !oo%%ee$er.( 'Im sensin# a !it o" an#er here,( I said. -hat had ha$$ened to that sweet, h rt Korean #irl o" three min tes a#o3 Cor some reason I $ ""ed o t my chest and stood $ on my toes, even tho #h I had a #ood hal" a "oot on her. Ahe to ched the c "" o" my shirt, and then loo%ed at it more care" lly. 'This isnt ! ttoned ri#ht,( she said. ,nd !e"ore I co ld say anythin#, she re! ttoned my c "" and $ lled on the shirtsleeve to ma%e it less ! nched $ aro nd the sho lder and $$er arm. 'There,( she said. 'Go loo% a little !etter now.( I didnt %now what to say or do. -hen dealin# with $eo$le my own a#e, I %now $recisely who I am. Not $hysically attractive, ! t at least well ed cated, decently $aid, wor%in# at the "rontiers o" science and technolo#y &even tho #h I have the same "inesse with my I$$IrIt as my a#ed immi#rant $arents*. On 1lanet E nice 1ar%, these attri! tes clearly did not matter. I was some %ind o" ancient dor%. 'Than%s,( I said. 'Dont %now what Id do witho t yo .( Ahe smiled at me, and I noticed that she had the %ind o" dim$les that not merely $ nct re the "ace ! t easily "ill it with warmth and $ersonality &and, in the case o" E nice, ta%e away some o" her an#er*. 'Im h n#ry,( she said. I m st have loo%ed li%e the !e" ddled 0 !enstein at his $ress con"erence a"ter o r troo$s #ot ro ted at /i dad 2olTvar. '-hat3( I said. '< n#ry3 Isnt it a little too late3( 'Um, no, 7ram$s,( E nice 1ar% said. I too% that in stride. 'I %now o" this $lace on Fia del 7overno Fecchio. Its called da Tonino. E=cellent cacio e e e.( 'Ao it says in my 3ime 4ut # ide,( the im$ dent #irl said to me. Ahe li"ted $ her I$$IrIt+li%e $endant, and in shoc%in#ly $er"ect Italian ordered a ta=i to $ic% s $. I hadnt "elt so "ri#htened since hi#h school. Even death, my slender, inde"ati#a!le nemesis, seemed lac%l ster when com$ared with the all+$ower" l E nice 1ar%. In the ta=i, I sat a$art "rom her, en#a#in# in very idle chatter indeed &'Ao I hear the dollars #oin# to !e deval ated a#ain B(*. The city o" 0ome a$$eared aro nd s, cas ally s$lendid, eternally ass red o" itsel", ha$$y to ta%e o r money and $ose "or a $ict re, ! t in the end needin# nothin# and no one. Event ally I reali)ed that the driver had decided to cheat me, ! t I didnt $rotest his e=tended ro te, es$ecially as we sw n# aro nd the $ r$le+lit cara$ace o" the /olise m, and I told mysel", Remember this0 1enn!5 develo a sense of nostalgia for something0 or !oull never figure out whats im ortant. 2 t !y the end o" the ni#ht I remem!ered very little. 8ets j st say that I dran%. Dran% o t o" "ear &she was so cr el*. Dran% o t o" ha$$iness &she was so !ea ti" l*. Dran% ntil my whole mo th and teeth had t rned a dar% r !y red and the $ n#ency o" my !reath and $ers$iration !etrayed my $assin# years. ,nd she dran% too. One me66o litro o" the local swill !ecame a " ll litro, and then two litri, and then a !ottle o" somethin# $ossi!ly Aardinian ! t, in any case, thic%er than ! lls !lood. Enormo s $lates o" "ood were needed to mo$ $ this overind l#ence. -e tho #ht" lly chewed on the $i# jowls o" the bucatini allamatriciana, sl r$ed $ a $late o" s$a#hetti with s$icy e##$lant, and $ic%ed a$art a ra!!it $ractically drownin# in olive oil. I %new I wo ld miss all this when I #ot !ac% to New Gor%, even the horri!le "l orescent li#htin# that !ro #ht o t my a#e@the wrin%les aro nd my eyes, the sin#le lon# hi#hway and the three co nty roads that ran across my "orehead, testaments to many slee$less ni#hts s$ent worryin# a!o t nredeemed $leas res and my care" lly hoarded income, ! t mostly a!o t death. This $artic lar resta rant was "avored !y theater actors, and as I sta!!ed with my "or% at the thic% hollows o" $asta and the #listenin# a !er#ines, I tried to remem!er "orever their lo d, attention+see%in# voices and the vi!rant Italian hand #est res that in my mind are synonymo s with the livin# animal, and hence with li"e itsel". I "oc sed on the livin# animal in "ront o" me and tried to ma%e her love me. I s$o%e e=trava#antly and, I ho$e, sincerely. <eres what I remem!er. I told her I didnt want to leave 0ome now that I had met her. Ahe a#ain told me I was a nerd, ! t a nerd who made her la #h. I told her I wanted to do more than ma%e her la #h. Ahe told me I sho ld !e than%" l "or what I had. I told her she sho ld move to New Gor% with me. Ahe told me she was $ro!a!ly a les!ian. I told her my wor% was my li"e, ! t I still had room "or love. Ahe told me love was out of the 7uestion. I told her my $arents were 0 ssian immi#rants who lived in New Gor%. Ahe told me hers were Korean immi#rants who lived in Cort 8ee, New Jersey. I told her my "ather was a retired janitor who li%ed to #o "ishin#.

Ahe told me her "ather was a $odiatrist who li%ed to $ nch his wi"e and two da #hters in the "ace. 'Oh,( I said. E nice 1ar% shr ##ed and e=c sed hersel". On my $late, the ra!!its little dead heart h n# "rom within his ri! ca#e. I $ t my head in my hands and wondered i" I sho ld j st throw some e ros down on the ta!le and wal% o t and leave. 2 t soon eno #h I was wal%in# down ivy+dra$ed Fia 7i lia, my arm aro nd E nice 1ar%s "ra#rant, !oyish "rame. Ahe was seemin#ly in #ood s$irits, !oth lovin# and #oadin#: $romisin# me a %iss, then chastisin# my $oor Italian. Ahe was shyness and #i##les, "rec%les in the moonli#ht and dr n%en, immat re cries o" 'Ah t u , 8enny4( and 'Go re s ch an idiot4( I noticed she had released her hair "rom the ! ns ca$tivity and that it was dar% and endless and as thic% as twine. Ahe was twenty+"o r years old. 5y a$artment co ld accommodate no more than a chea$ twin+si)ed mattress and a " lly o$ened s itcase, !rimmin# with !oo%s &'5y te=t+major "riends at Elder!ird sed to call those thin#s Mdoorsto$s,( she told me*. -e %issed, la)ily, li%e it was nothin#, then ro #hly, li%e we meant it. There were some $ro!lems. E nice 1ar% wo ldnt ta%e o"" her !ra &'I have a!sol tely no chest(*, and I was too dr n% and scared to develo$ an erection. 2 t I didnt want interco rse anyway. I tal%ed her o t o" her $ants, c $$ed the twin, tiny #lo!es o" her ass with my $alms, and $ shed my li$s ri#ht inside her so"t, vital $ ssy. 'Oh, 8enny,( she said, a little sadly, "or she m st have sensed j st how m ch her yo th and "reshness meant to me, a man who lived in deaths anteroom and co ld !arely stand the li#ht and heat o" his !rie" sojo rn on earth. I lic%ed and lic%ed, !reathin# in the sli#ht odor o" somethin# a thentic and h man, and event ally m st have "allen aslee$ with my "ace !etween her le#s. The ne=t mornin#, she was %ind eno #h to hel$ me re$ac% my s itcase, which re" sed to close witho t her hel$. 'Thats not how yo do it,( she said, when she saw me !r shin# my teeth. Ahe made me stic% o t my ton# e and ro #hly scra$ed its $ r$le s r"ace with the tooth!r sh. 'There,( she said. '2etter.( D rin# the ta=i ride to the air$ort, I "elt the tri$le $an#s o" !ein# ha$$y and lonely and needy all at once. Ahe had made me wash my li$s and chin thoro #hly to o!literate all traces o" her, ! t E nice 1ar%s al%aline tan# still remained on the ti$ o" my nose. I made #reat sni""in# motions in the air, tryin# to ca$t re her essence, thin%in# already o" how I wo ld !ait her to New Gor%, ma%e her my wi"e, ma%e her my li"e, my li"e eternal. I to ched my e=$ertly !r shed teeth and $etted the "l rry o" #ray hairs stic%in# o t "rom !eneath my shirt collar, which she had thoro #hly e=amined in the mornin#s wea% early li#ht. '/ te,( she had said. ,nd then, with a childs sense o" wonder: 'Go re old, 8en.( Oh, dear diary. 5y yo th has $assed, ! t the wisdom o" a#e hardly !ec%ons. -hy is it so hard to !e a #rown+ $ man in this world3 SOMETIMES LIFE IS SUCK FROM THE GLOBALTEENS ACCOUNT OF EUNICE PARK

JUNE 1 Cormat: 8on#+Corm Atandard En#lish Te=t 78O2,8TEENA AU1E0 <INT: Switch to Images toda!) 1ess words 8 more fun))) EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D 34 70I882IT/<: <i, 1recio s 1ony4 -hats $, twat3 5issin# yo r tard3 -anna d m$ a little s #ar on me3 J2C. I am so sic% o" ma%in# o t with #irls. 2T-, I saw the $ict res on the Elder!ird al m !oard with yo r ton# e in 2ryanas, m, ear. I ho$e yo re not tryin# to #et 7o$her jealo s3 <es had way too many threesomes. 0es$ect yo rsel", hoo+%ah4 Ao@# ess what3 I met the c test # y in 0ome. <e is e=actly my ty$e, tall, %ind o" 7erman+loo%in#, very $re$$ie, ! t not an asshole. 7iovanna set me $ with him hes in 0ome wor%in# "or 8andO8a%es75Cord/redit4 Ao I #o to meet him in the 1ia))a Navona &remem!er Ima#e /lass3 Navona the one with all the tritons* and hes sittin# there havin# a ca$$ ccino and streamin# /hronicles o" Narnia4 0emem!er we streamed that at /atholic3 Ao adora!le. <e %ind o" loo%ed a little li%e 7o$her ! t m ch thinner &ha ha ha*. <is name is 2en, which is $retty #ay, ! t he was AO NI/E and so smart. <e too% me to loo% at some /arava##ios and then he %ind o" li%e to ched my ! tt a little and then we went to one o" 7iovannas $arties and made o t. There were all these Italian #irls in Onions%in jeans starin# at s, li%e I was stealin# one o" their white # ys or somethin#. I " c%in# hate that. I" they mention my 'almond eyes( one more time, I swear. ,nyway, I NEED GOU0 ,DFI/E !eca se he called yesterday and as%ed i" I wanted to #o $ to 8 cca with him ne=t wee% and I was $layin# hard to #et and said no. 2 t Im #oin# to call him and say yes tomorrow4 -<,T A<OU8D I DO3 <E81444 1.A. I met this old, #ross # y at a $arty yesterday and we #ot really dr n% and I sort o" let him #o down on me. There was another even older # y, this sc l$tor, tryin# to #et in my $ants, so I "i# red, yo %now, the lesser evil. U#h, Im t rnin# into yo 44444 <e was nice, %ind o" dor%y, altho #h he thin%s hes so 5edia ca se he wor%s in !iotech or somethin#. ,nd he had the #rossest "eet, ! nions and this #i#antic heel s$ r that stic%s o t li%e hes #ot a th m! #l ed to his "oot. I %now, Im thin%in# li%e my dad. ,nyway, he !r shes his teeth all wron#, so I had to A<O- , 70O-N 5,N <O- TO UAE , TOOT<20UA<44444 -hat is wron# with my li"e, $recio s $ony3 70I882IT/< 34 EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: <ey, 1recio s 1anda4 OK, let me j st say this: ,ss <oo+%ah, yo are majorly sic%3 <ow old was this # y3 -hy did yo to ch his "eet3 ,re yo a secret toe m ncher3 I am sendin# yo a cleanin# !ill !eca se I am com$letely FO5ITIN7 as I write this. OK, "or#et the wheelchair #ee)er. This 2en # y so nds really 5edia, and he wor%s in /redit, so he m st !e CI8T<G CU/KIN7 0I/<. -ish 7o$her co ld #et a

jo! with 8andO8a%es75Cord. Now "or 7rill!itchs $atent advice: 7o with him to 8 cca, where is that e=actly3, treat him li%e shit d rin# the "irst day, let him " c% yo <,0D the "irst ni#ht, then leave him com$letely con" sed the rest o" the time. <ell "all "or yo $ronto, es$ecially a"ter yo let him $l nder yo r 5,7I/ 1UAAG444 ,nd on the way !ac% to 0ome !e all nice, so that hes le"t with a #ood im$ression ! t still not s re o" himsel". Ao heres whats $ here. This Cili$ino # y had a $arty in 0edondo. 1at ,lvare), do yo remem!er him "rom /atholic3 ,nd -endy Anatch showed $ in Onions%in jeans and a ni$$leless Aaaami !ra and then she starts #rindin# on 7o$hers la$. <e was li%e tryin# to $ sh her o"" ! t she said may!e yo want me and yo r #irl"riend to thresh each other and all the time she is $ractically 1OKIN7 his eye o t with her ni$$le, which is one o" those !i# "at $in% DIA7UATIN7 white #irls ni$s. Ao 7o$hers loo%in# at me with this e=$ression, li%e, yeah, yo can thresh each other i" yo want too or not thats totally cool j st dont ma%e a scene. ,nd anyway all these Cli$ #irls who j st #rad ated "rom U/ Irvine are threshin# the shit o t o" each other in the livin# room tryin# to im$ress some white # y &not 7o$her* so I teened her li%e I DONT T<INK AO, -ENDG AN,T/<. Only I didnt say it in /,1A, it was more li%e no than% yo and thats my 2OGC0IENDA crotch yo re h m$in#. ,nd she act ally came $ to me 1<GAI/,88G and FE02,88ED me li%e 'Oh, I tho #ht yo were a le) ca se yo went to Elder!ird, I didnt %now yo were a "emina)i too( and I was li%e 'Geah, ! t even i" I was the !i##est le) in ,merica I wo ldnt thresh yo with a " c%in# com!ine( and then # ess where she ended $ !y the end o" the $arty3 In the !atht ! #ettin# ass+reamed and "ace+$issed !y 1at ,lvare) and three o" his "riends who ta$ed everythin# and then $ t it on 7lo!alTeens the ne=t day. 7UEAA how hi#h her ratin#s went $3 1ersonality N.O and C c%a!ility :;;U. -hat is -0ON7 with $eo$le3 JUNE 2 /<UN7.-ON.1,0K 34 EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: E nhee, Gesterday yo r 8A,T come. Aally try to hide anvelo$e "rom me. Go score 1J:. Fery low. Even "or r t#ers law yo do not #et in. I dissa$oint that yo have same score as last time. It mean yo not st dent eno #h "or that. I now sometimes li"e is s c%, ! t yo are twenty+"o r. 2i# #irl. I cannot $ sh yo any lon#. Go m st st dy and when yo st dy yo m st not do anythin#4 Datin# nice !oy e=tra. 2 t all the time yo m st to !e care" l with him !eca se yo are woman. Do not #ive away mystery. ,re there any %orea !oy in rome3 1lease "or#ive I have terri!le en#lish. I 8ove yo , 5ommy 1.A. Daddy says I sho ldnt say I 8ove yo , !eca se I s$oil yo and %orea $arent dont say 8ove yo to children, ! t I do 8ove yo "rom dee$ in my heart so I say it4 EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D 34 /<UN7.-ON.1,0K: 5om, $lease $ t ten tho sand y an+$e##ed dollars into my ,llied-aste/FA/iti#ro $/redit acco nt. Ill ta%e the 8A,T a#ain when I #et !ac%. Ethel Kim #ot 1JO on her 8A,T and she too% three test+$re$ classes, so whatever. Im doin# "ine. Its hard to wor% here !eca se yo need a ermesso soggiorno, which is a %ind o" #reen card, and they hate ,mericans. Otherwise I wo ld have to wor% as an a $air or somethin#. Im already vol nteerin# three ho rs a wee% at the re" #ee shelter. Did yo tell that to Daddy3 No, there are no Korean !oys in 0ome. 0ome is in Italy. 8oo% at a ma$. JUNE 3 /<UN7.-ON.1,0K 34 EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: E nhee, <ow do yo thin% yo have 5ommy "or3 ,ny way yo have tro !le yo write to me, not only "or when yo need money. -hen yo wor% lawyer 5ommy $ro d o" yo and yo do not as% her "or money. Go will !e $ro d also !eca se yo hel$ 5ommy and "amily. Camily is most im$ortant, otherwise why 7OD $ t s on earth3 I very worry "or yo and Aally. Daddy not "eelin# #ood. 5ay!e all is my "a lt. I $ray in ch rch e=tra "or yo . 0everend /ho say all yo n# $eo$le have s$ecial $ath. Do yo %now what it is yo r s$ecial $ath3 1lease tell me i" yo %now, other wise we loo% to#ether. ,nd %ee$ Jes in yo r heart. It is im$ortant4 ,lso there are %orean !oys everywhere. 7o to %orean ch rch and yo will "ind date. 5ay!e yo do not nderstand my !ad en#lish. I 8ove yo , 5ommy EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D 34 /<UN7.-ON.1,0K: -hat do yo mean Daddys not "eelin# #ood3 I" anythin# !ad is ha$$enin# yo and Aally have to #o to E nhy ns ho se. 5om4 Cor#et "rea%in# Jes "or a second. T<IA IA I51O0T,NT. Go re ma%in# me very scared. Did he do anythin# to yo or Aally3 I tried to call the ho se ei#ht times yesterday ! t all I #ot is the voice mail. Fer!al me on my 7lo!alTeens acco nt when yo #et this4 /<UN7.-ON.1,0K 34 EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: E nhee, Do not ma%e ncom"orta!le yo rsel". Daddy drin% a little m ch and he #et mad !eca se I ma%e soon+d ! with s$oilt to" . I told Aally to #o "or wal% ! t she slee$ in # ess room and I slee$ in !asement. Ao all o%ay4 Did yo #et trans"er " nd to ,llied-aste3 /hec% ma%e s re. It a lot o" money so dont ma%e me dissa$oint. Enjoy rome, yo ma%e #ood st dent at Elder!ird, yo deserve. 2 t now yo r li"e j st !e#in. Do not ma%e anymore mista%e4 Atay away "rom mee# % !oy. They all have !ad intent, even christian ones. I $ray to Jes every day that yo "ind %ind ha$$iness I never have, !eca se may!e I ma%e sin a#ainst 7OD. I have so m ch ashame. -rite Aally more. Ahe miss yo . Go have !i# res$onsi!ility !eca se yo !i# sister. I am very sorry yo not #et 8A,T score yo wanted. Go sad, 5ommy sad. -hen yo h rt, 5ommy h rt more.

EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: Aally4 -hat is #oin# on with mom and dad3 A,88GAT,0: Nothin#. <e #ot $set !eca se o" the soon+d ! . -hat do yo care3 EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: -hy are yo an#ry at 5E3 A,88GAT,0: Im not an#ry. 8eave me alone. Do they have Aaaami s mmer !ras in 0ome3 EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: Ges, ! t theyre ei#hty e ros. A,88GAT,0: <ow m ch is that3 EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: -ay too m ch. Go can #et it m ch chea$er at the Aaaami store on Eli)a!eth Atreet or j st order on Teeny2o$$er. -hy do yo want to wear a !ra that lets everyone see yo r ni$$les3 ,nd I tho #ht yo didnt care a!o t "ashion. A,88GAT,0: Everyones wearin# them. Even in Cort 8ee. EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: -ho in Cort 8ee3 A,88GAT,0: 7race 8ees sister. EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: 2ona3 Ahes an idiot. EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: Aally, did dad hit yo 3 A,88GAT,0: <e says he misses /ali"ornia. The o""ice was em$ty all wee%. ,ll the Koreans in NJ already have $odiatrists. 5oms actin# li%e a s$ace cadet. EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: Cine, dont answer my 6 estion. Than%s "or hidin# my 8A,T. A,88GAT,0: 5om "o nd it anyway. -hats $3 EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: I met a c te white # y here. <e wor%s "or 8andO8a%es75Cord. A,88GAT,0: Its easier to date a Korean # y. Cor the "amilies and everythin#. EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: Than%s, 5om. A,88GAT,0: Im j st sayin#. EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: Geah, may!e Ill date a Korean # y li%e dad. Thats called 'a $attern.( A,88GAT,0: -hatever. Go ta%e his money. I have to #o to a meetin# at 1. EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: -hat meetin#3 A,88GAT,0: /ol m!ia+Tsin#h a $rotest a#ainst the ,0,. -ere #oin# to D/ in a wee%. EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: -hats ,0,3 A,88GAT,0: ,merican 0estoration , thority. The 2i$artisans. Dont yo ever stream the news3 EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: Go ,0E an#ry at me. EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: Aally, yo dont have to live with mom and dad. Go can #o live at the 2arnard dorm. Go can #et a $aid internshi$ or a jo! in a store. I dont want yo #ettin# 1olitical. 8ets j st try to enjoy o r lives. EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: Aally3 <ello3 Do yo want me to come home3 Ill "ly !ac% tomorrow i" yo want me to. Ill ta%e care o" mom. EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: Aally, $lease dont !e an#ry at me. Im sorry Im not there when yo and mommy need me. Im s ch a " c%+ $. EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: Aally3 <ello3 Go ve $ro!a!ly le"t. Its one ocloc% yo r time. EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: Aally, I love yo . JUNE 4 8EON,0DO D,20,5OFIN/I 34 EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: Oh, hi there. Its 8enny ,!ramov. Go mi#ht remem!er me "rom o r little time in 0ome. Than%s "or !r shin# my teeth4 <ee hee. Ao, anyway, j st #ot !ac% to the UA o" ,. Ive !een $racticin# my a!!reviations. I thin% yo said 0OC8,,01 in 0ome. Does that mean '0ollin# On Cloor 8oo%in# ,t ,ddictive 0odent 1orno#ra$hy(3 Aee, Im not that old4 ,nyway, !een thin%in# a!o t yo . /omin# to NG/ anytime soon3 Go ve #ot a $lace to stay here. Ive #ot a nice $lace all set $, NO; s6 are "eet, !alcony, view o" downtown. /ant com$ete with da tonino, ! t I ma%e a $retty mean roasted e##$lant. I can even slee$ on the co ch i" yo want me to. /all or write anytime. It was really, really, 0E,88G #reat to meet yo . Im committin# the constellation o" yo r "rec%les to memory as I write this &ho$e that doesnt ma%e yo ncom"orta!le*. 8ove, 8eonard THE OTTER STRIKES BACK FROM THE DIARIES OF LENNY ABRAMOV

JUNE O New York +it! Dearest Diary, I saw the "at man at the "irst+class lo n#e at Ci micino. Theres a s$ecial terminal "or "li#hts to the United Atates and Aec rityAtate Israel, the most dila$idated terminal at the 0oman air$ort, where everyone who is not a $assen#er is !asically carryin# a # n or $ointin# some sort o" scannin# #i)mo at yo . There arent even seats "or the economy+class $assen#ers !y the #ates, !eca se

they can scan yo !etter standin# $, #et !etween yo r "olds o" "lesh and li#ht yo $ li%e a si=+h ndred+watt ! l!. ,nyway, li"es a lot !etter in the "irst+class lo n#e, and thats where I went to see i" I co ld "ind some last+min te <i#h Net -orth Individ als, some $otential 8i"e 8overs who mi#ht !e interested in o r 1rod ct. I co ld see mysel" strollin# into !oss man Joshies o""ice and sayin#, '8oo% at this4 Even when hes travelin#, yo r 8ennys loo%in# "or $ros$ects. Im li%e a doctor. ,lways on call4( Cirst+class lo n#es arent what they sed to !e. 5ost ,sian <N-Is "ly $rivate $lanes these days, ! t my I$$IrIt $ic%ed $ on some scan+a!le "aces, an old+time $orno star and a slic% # y "rom 5 m!ai j st startin# o t on his "irst worldwide 0etail em$ire. They all had some money on them, i" not the twenty million northern e ros in investa!le income that Im loo%in# "or, ! t there was this one # y who re#istered nothing. I mean he wasnt there. <e didnt have an I$$IrIt, or it wasnt set on 'social( mode, or may!e he had $aid some yo n# 0 ssian %id to have the o t!o nd transmission !loc%ed. ,nd he loo%ed li%e a nothin#. The way $eo$le dont really loo% anymore. Not j st im$er"ect, ! t aw" l. , "at man with dee$ly recessed eyes, a colla$sed chin, lim$ and d sty hair, a T+ shirt that all ! t e=$osed his lar#e !reasts, and a #ross tent o" air ato$ where one ima#ined his #enital wo ld !e. No one wo ld loo% at him e=ce$t me &and then only "or a min te*, !eca se he was at the mar#ins o" society, !eca se he was witho t ran%, !eca se he was IT1 or Im$ossi!le to 1reserve, !eca se he had no ! siness !ein# mi=ed $ with real <N-Is in a "irst+class lo n#e. Now, in hindsi#ht, I want to im! e him with some heroism> I want to $lace a thic% !oo% in his hands and $erch even thic%er !i"ocals on his nose. I want him to loo% li%e 2enjamin Cran%lin. 2 t, then, I $romised yo the tr th, dear diary. ,nd the tr th is that "rom the moment I saw him I was scared. -ith his hands clas$ed at his crotch, the Im$ossi!le to 1reserve "at man stared o t the window, his head movin# "orward and !ac%ward contentedly, as i" he were a hal"+s !mer#ed alli#ator enjoyin# a s nny day. I#norin# the rest o" s, he watched, with an enth siasts a!andon, the slee% new dol$hin+nosed /hina Ao thern ,irlines $lanes ta=iin# $ast o r $eelin# United/ontinentalDeltamerican NENs and some e6 ally cra$$y El ,ls. -hen we "inally !oarded a"ter a three+ho r technical delay, a yo n# man dressed in ! siness cas al wal%ed down the aisle videota$in# all o" s, "oc sin# re$eatedly on the "at man, who !l shed and tried to t rn away. The "ilmma%er ta$$ed me on the sho lder and !ade me, in slow Ao thern En#lish, to loo% directl! into his !o=y, anti6 ated camera. '-hy3( I as%ed. 2 t that little !it o" sedition was a$$arently all he needed "rom me, and he moved on. 2y the time we were in the air, I tried to erase the video#ra$her and the otter and the "at man "rom my mind. On my way !ac% "rom the !athroom, I re#istered Catty only as a $astel+colored !lo! in the corner, its "orm tic%led !y hi#h+altit de s nli#ht. I too% o t a !attered vol me o" /he%hovs stories "rom my carry+on &wish I co ld read it in 0 ssian li%e my $arents can* and t rned to the novella 3hree Years, the story o" the nattractive ! t decent 8a$tev, the son o" a wealthy 5oscow merchant, who is in love with the !ea ti" l and m ch yo n#er J lia. I was ho$in# to "ind some ti$s on how to " rther sed ce E nice and to overcome the !ea ty #a$ !etween s. ,t one $oint in the novella, 8a$tev as%s "or J lias hand in marria#e, and she initially t rns him down, then chan#es her mind. I "o nd this $artic lar $assa#e most hel$" l: V,ttractive J liaW was distressed and dis$irited, and told hersel" now that to re" se an honora!le, #ood man who loved her, sim$ly !eca se he was not attractive Vem$hasis mineW, es$ecially when marryin# him wo ld ma%e it $ossi!le "or her to chan#e her mode o" li"e, her cheerless, monotono s, idle li"e in which !outh was assing with no ros ect of an!thing better in the future Vem$hasis mineW @to re" se him nder s ch circ mstances was madness, ca$rice and "olly, and that 7od mi#ht even $ nish her "or it.Crom this sin#le $assa#e I develo$ed a three+$oint concl sion. 1oint One: I %new that E nice didnt !elieve in 7od and de$lored her /atholic ed cation, so it wo ld !e seless to invo%e that deity and his endless $ nishments to ma%e her "all "or me, but, m ch li%e 8a$tev, I tr ly was that 'honora!le, #ood man who loved her.( 1oint Two: E nices li"e in 0ome, des$ite the sens o sness and !ea ty o" the city, also seemed to me 'cheerless, monotono s,( and certainly 'idle( &I %new she vol nteered "or a co $le o" ho rs a wee% with some ,l#erians, which is incredi!ly sweet ! t not really wor%*. Now, I do not come "rom a wealthy "amily li%e /he%hovs 8a$tev, ! t my ann al s$endin# $ower o" a!o t two h ndred tho sand y an wo ld #ive E nice some considerations in the 0etail de$artment and $ossi!ly 'chan#e her mode o" li"e.( 1oint Three: Nonetheless, it wo ld ta%e more than mere monetary consideration to $rom$t E nice to love me. <er 'yo th was $assin# with no $ros$ect o" anythin# !etter in the " t re,( as /he%hov said o" his J lia. <ow co ld I ta%e advanta#e o" that "act re: E nice3 <ow co ld I tric% her into ali#nin# her yo th with my decre$it de3 In nineteenth+cent ry 0 ssia, it was a$$arently a m ch sim$ler tas%. I noticed that some o" the "irst+class $eo$le were starin# me down "or havin# an o$en !oo%. 'D der, that thin# smells li%e wet soc%s,( said the yo n# joc% ne=t to me, a senior /redit a$e at 8andO8a%es75Cord. I 6 ic%ly sealed the /he%hov in my carry+on, stowin# it "ar in the overhead !in. ,s the $assen#ers ret rned to their "lic%erin# dis$lays, I too% o t my I$$IrIt and !e#an to th m$ it lo dly with my "in#er to show how m ch I loved all thin#s di#ital, while snea%in# nervo s #lances at the thro!!in# cavern aro nd me, the wine+d lled ! siness travelers lost to their own electronic lives. 2y this $oint the yo n# man in ! siness+cas al attire had ret rned with his video camera and j st stood there at the "ront o" the aisle recordin# the "at man with a trace o" d ll, an#ry $leas re han#in# o"" his mo th &his 6 arry had ! ried his head in a $illow, either slee$in# or $retendin# to !e*. I was loo%in# "or cl es on E nice 1ar%. 5y !eloved was a shy #irl !y com$arison with others o" her #eneration, so her di#ital "oot$rint wasnt !i#. I had to #o at her laterally, thro #h her sister, Aally, and her "ather, Aam 1ar%, 5.D., the violent $odiatrist. -or%in# my l sty, overheated I$$IrIt, I $ointed an Indian satellite at so thern /ali"ornia, her ori#inal home. I )oomed in on a series o" crimson+tiled haciendas to the so th o" 8os ,n#eles, rows and rows o" three+tho sand+s6 are+"oot rectan#les, their only aerial "eat res the tiny silver s6 i##les that denoted roo"to$ central air conditionin#. These nits all !owed to the semicircle o" a t r6 oise $ool # arded !y the #ray halos o" two down+on+their+l c% $alm trees, the develo$ments only "lora. Inside one o" these homes E nice 1ar% learned to wal% and tal%, to sed ce and sneer> here her arms #rew stron# and her mane thic%> here her ho sehold Korean was s $$lanted !y the veneer o" /ali"ornia En#lish> here she $lanned her im$ossi!le esca$e to East /oast Elder!ird /olle#e, to the $ia))as

o" 0ome, to the horny middle+a#ed "estas o" 1ia))a Fittorio, and, I ho$ed, into my arms. I then loo%ed $ Dr. and 5rs. 1ar%s new home, a s6 are D tch /olonial with one #a$in# chimney, de$osited at an aw%ward "orty+"ive+de#ree an#le into a !owl o" 5id+,tlantic snow. The /ali"ornia ho se they le"t was worth D.O million dollars, n$e##ed to the y an, and the second, m ch smaller New Jersey one at 1.O1 million. I sensed the dimin tion o" her "athers income and I wanted to learn more. 5y retro I$$IrIt ch rned slowly with data, which told me that the "athers ! siness was "ailin#. , chart a$$eared, #ivin# the income "or the last ei#hteen months> the y an amo nts were in steady decline since they had mista%enly le"t /ali"ornia "or New Jersey @J lys income a"ter e=$enses was ei#ht tho sand y an, a!o t hal" o" my own, and I did not have a "amily o" "o r to s $$ort. The mother did not have any data, she !elon#ed solely to the home, ! t Aally, as the yo n#est o" the 1ar%s, was awash in it. Crom her $ro"ile I learned that she was a heavier #irl than E nice, the wei#ht $l n#ed into her ro nd chee%s and the slow c rvat re o" her arms and !reasts. Atill, her 8D8 cholesterol was way !eneath the norm, while the <D8 s r#ed ahead to "orm an nheard+o" ratio. Even with her wei#ht, she co ld live to !e 1D; i" she maintained her $resent diet and did her mornin# stretches. ,"ter chec%in# her health, I e=amined her $ rchases and "elt E nices as well. The 1ar% sisters "avored e=tra+small shirts in strict ! siness $atterns, a stere #ray sweaters distin# ished only !y their $rovenance and $rice, $early earrin#s, one+h ndred+dollar childrens soc%s &their "eet were that small*, $anties sha$ed li%e #i"t !ows, !ars o" Awiss chocolate at random delis, "ootwear, "ootwear, "ootwear. I watched their ,llied-aste/FA/iti#ro $ acco nt rise and "all li%e the chest o" a livin#, !reathin# animal. I noticed the lin%s to somethin# called ,ss8 = ry and several 8.,. and New Gor% !o ti6 es on one side, and to their $arents ,llied-aste acco nt on the other, and I saw that their $recio s immi#rant nest e## was declinin# steadily and omino sly. I !eheld the n merical totality o" the 1ar% "amily and I wanted to save them "rom themselves, "rom the idiotic cons mer c lt re that was !leedin# them so"tly. I wanted to #ive them co nsel and to $rove to them that@as the son o" immi#rants mysel"@I co ld !e tr sted. Ne=t, I did the social sites. The $hotos "lashed !e"ore me. 5ostly they were o" Aally and her "riends. ,sian %ids #ettin# " rtively dr n% o"" 5e=ican !eer, attractive !oys and #irls in decent cotton sweatshirts "lashin# F+si#ns at the I$$IrIt lens in "ront o" doily+covered $ianos and #ilt+ed#ed $astoral $aintin#s o" Jes s in !lissed+o t "ree"all. 2oys ro #hho sin# on their $arents wide !ed, denim jeans $on denim jeans $on denim jeans. 7irls h ddled to#ether, all eyes on a ! sy I$$IrIt, serio s attem$ts at la #hter and s$ontaneity and li#ht "eminine 'clownin# aro nd.( Aister Aally, h rt %indness radiatin# "rom her "ace, her arms dra$ed over an e6 ally heavy #irl in a /atholic+school ni"orm who has sn c% her hand !ehind Aally to ma%e a $air o" childhood horns, and there, at the end o" a chor s line o" ten des$erately #rinnin# recent colle#e #rads, was my E nice, her eyes coolly s rveyin# an as$halted $atch o" /ali"ornia !ac%yard and a "limsy do#+$roo" #ate, her chee%s risin# with di""ic lty to $rod ce the re6 isite #lossy three+6 arters o" a smile. I closed my eyes and let the ima#e slide into my minds ! r#eonin# E nice archive. 2 t then I loo%ed a#ain. It wasnt E nices !rilliantly "a%e smile that had str c% me. There was somethin# else. Ahe had t rned away "rom the I$$IrIt lens, while one hand was "orever st c% in midair tryin# to 6 ic%ly a$$ly a $air o" s n#lasses. I ma#ni"ied the ima#e !y :;; $ercent and "oc sed on the eye "arthest "rom the camera. 2eneath it and to one side, I saw what loo%ed li%e the leathery !lac% trace o" ! rst ca$illaries. I )oomed in and o t, tryin# to deci$her the !lemish on a "ace that wo ld tolerate no !lemishes, and event ally distin# ished the im$rint o" two "in#ers, no, three "in#ers@inde=, middle, th m!@stri%in# her across the "ace. O%ay, sto$. Eno #h detective wor%. Eno #h o!sessiveness. Eno #h tryin# to $osition yo rsel" as the savior o" a !eaten #irl. 8ets see i" I can write three $a#es witho t mentionin# E nice 1ar% even once. 8ets see i" I can write a!o t somethin# other than my heart. 2eca se, when the $lanes wheels "inally lic%ed the tarmac in New Gor%, I almost "ailed to notice the tan%s and armored $ersonnel carriers s6 attin# amidst the islands o" s n! rned #rass !etween the r nways. I nearly "ailed to heed the soldiers in their m ddy !oots r nnin# alon#side o r air$lane as we sh ddered to a $remat re sto$, the $ilots an=io s voice over the 1, system drowned o t !y a ja##ed electronic hiss. O r $lane had !een s rro nded !y what $assed "or the United Atates ,rmy. Aoon we heard the %noc%in# a#ainst the $lanes door, the stewardesses scram!lin# to o$en it to the r#ent military cries o tside. '-hat the " c%3( I as%ed the yo n# joc% ne=t to me, the one who had com$lained a!o t the smell o" my !oo%, ! t he only $ressed one "in#er to his li$s and loo%ed away "rom me, as i" I too radiated the stench o" a short+story collection. They were inside the "irst+class ca!in. ,!o t nine # ys wearin# #rimy camo "la#e "ati# es, in their thirties mostly &too old to serve in Fene) ela, Id # ess*, sweat stains nderneath their arms, water !ottles ha$ha)ardly sta$led to their ! llet$roo" vests, 5+1.s cradled a#ainst their torsos, no smiles, no words. They scanned s with their lar#e !rown #hetto I$$IrIti "or three intermina!le min tes, d rin# which the ,merican contin#ent remained $et lantly silent while the Italians a!oard !e#an to s$ea% in an#ry, assertive tones. ,nd then it !e#an. They #ra!!ed him !y !oth arms and tried to dra# him to his "eet, his vast ! l% $assively $rotestin#. The ,merican $assen#ers instantly t rned away, ! t the Italians were already hollerin#: '9ue barbarico)( and 'A cosa serve&( The "at #ly mans "ear washed over the ca!in in $ tre"yin# waves. -e "elt it !e"ore we even heard the so nd o" his voice, which, li%e the rest o" him, did not con"orm to the standards o" o r time: was wea%, hel$less, des$ica!le. '-hat did I do3( he was stammerin#. '8oo% at my wallet. Im 2i$artisan. 8oo% in my wallet. I have a "irst+class tic%et. I told the !eaver everythin# he wanted.( I sn c% a #lance at the "at mans tormentors, standin# evenly aro nd him, "in#ers on their tri##ers. Their ni"orms were adorned with hasty insi#nia, a sword s $erim$osed over 8ady 8i!ertys crown, which I !elieve denotes the New Gor% ,rmy National 7 ard. ,nd yet I sensed these e= r!an white # ys were "rom nowhere near New Gor%. They were slow and nwieldy, tired+loo%in#, as i" someone had $o%ed them in their $ $ils and then circled their eyes. 'Go r I$$IrIt,( one o" them said to the "at man. 'I le"t it at home,( the man whis$ered lo dly, and we all %new he had lied. ,s the soldiers "inally $ lled him to his "eet, the ca!in "illed with the so nd o" a #rown+ $s o t+o"+$ractice whim$erin#. I loo%ed !ac% to see his !a##y, ill+"ittin# $ants, too !i# "or his

oddly tiny le#s. ,nd thats all I saw or heard o" the criminal $assen#er on United/ontinentalDeltamerican Cli#ht ;DE to New Gor%, !eca se somehow the soldiers had made his cryin# sto$, and all we co ld hear was the sla$ o" his loa"ers amon# the steady th m$ o" their man+!oots. It wasnt over yet. -hile the Italians had !e# n their an#ry crowin# a!o t the state o" o r tro !led nation, m rm rin# the name o" 'il macellaio( or 'the ! tcher( 0 !enstein, whose !lood+smeared, cleaver+wieldin# visa#e co ld !e seen in $oster "orm on every 0oman street corner, a second #ro $ o" soldiers had ret rned to o r ca!in. 'U.A. citi)ens, raise yo r hands,( we were told. 5y Ohio+sha$ed !ald s$ot "elt cold a#ainst the headrest o" the seat. -hat had I done3 Aho ld I have %e$t my mo th sh t when the otter had as%ed "or Ca!ri)ias name3 Aho ld I have said, 'I dont want to answer this 6 estion,( as he had told me was my ri#ht3 <ad I !een too com$liant3 -as there time to reach into my I$$IrIt "or Nettie Cines in"o, so that I co ld $resent it to the 7 ardsmen3 -o ld they dra# me o"" the $lane too3 5y $arents were !orn in what sed to !e the Aoviet Union, and my #randmother had s rvived the last years o" Atalin, altho #h !arely, ! t I lac% the #enetic instinct to deal with n!ridled a thority. 2e"ore a #reater "orce, I cr m!le. ,nd so, as my hand !e#an the lon# jo rney "rom my la$ into the "ear+sat rated ca!in air, I wanted my $arents near me. I wanted my mothers hand on the !ac% o" my nec%, the cool to ch that always calmed me down as a child. I wanted to hear my $arents 0 ssian s$o%en alo d, !eca se I always tho #ht o" it as the lan# a#e o" c nnin# ac6 iescence. I wanted s to "ace this to#ether, !eca se what i" they shot me as a traitor and my $arents wo ld have to hear the news "rom a nei#h!or, "rom a $olice re$ort, "rom a $otato+"aced anchor on their "avorite Co=8i!erty+Ultra3 'I love yo ,( I whis$ered in the direction o" 8on# Island, where my $arents live. De$loyin# the satellite $owers o" my mind, I )oomed in on the nd latin# #reen roo" o" their h m!le /a$e /od ho se, the tiny y an val ation "loatin# over the e6 ally min sc le #reen !lot o" their wor%in#+class !ac%yard. ,nd then I wanted E nice ne=t to me, sharin# these last moments. I wanted to "eel her yo n# $owerlessness, my hand on her !ony %nees stro%in# the "ear o t o" her, lettin# her %now I was the only one who co ld %ee$ her sa"e. Nine o" s had raised o r hands. The ,mericans. 'Ta%e o t yo r I$$IrIti.( -e did as we were told. No 6 estions as%ed. I held o t my device in a $artic larly s $$licatin# #est re, li%e a shamed yo n# c ! showin# the mess he had made in his ca#e. 5y I$$IrIt data were sam$led and scanned to a military I$$IrIt !y a yo n# man who seemed to !e missin# a "ace !eneath his ca$s lon# #reen visor. ,ll I co ld ma%e o t were his arms, ro$y with lawnmower stren#th. <e coc%ed his head at me, si#hed, then loo%ed at his watch. ',ll ri#ht, $eo$le, lets #o4( he sho ted. The "irst+class ca!in disem!ar%ed with #reat haste. -e ran down the stairs and onto the crac%ed JCK r nway, which sh ddered !eneath the armadas o" armored $ersonnel carriers and rovin# $ac%s o" l ##a#e carts. The s mmer heat stro%ed my wet !ac% and made me "eel as i" a "ire had j st !een $ t o t all over my !ody. I too% o t my U.A. $ass$ort and held it in my hand, "in#erin# its em!ossed #olden ea#le, still ho$in# it meant somethin#. I remem!er how my $arents wo ld tal% a!o t the luck o" their havin# le"t the Aoviet Union "or ,merica. Oh 7od, I tho #ht, let there still !e s ch l c% in this new world. '1lease wait nderneath the Msec rity shed,( one o" the stewardesses so!!ed to s. -e wal%ed toward a stran#e o tcro$$in#, amidst a landsca$e o" "orlorn, a#in# terminals hea$ed ato$ one another li%e the vista o" some #ray 8a#os sl m. -e s rveyed the tired ! ildin#s o" a $remat rely old co ntry> in the "ar distance, away "rom the tan%s and armored $ersonnel carriers, constr ction cranes loomed over the hal"+! ilt " t ristic com$le= o" the /hina Ao thern ,irlines /ar#o Terminal. , tan% rolled over to s, and the nine "irst+class ,mericans instinctively raised o r hands. The tan% sto$$ed short> a sin#le soldier in T+shirt and shorts $o$$ed o t o" the hatch and $lanted a hi#hway si#n ne=t to it, !lac% letters a#ainst an oran#e !ac%#ro nd: IT IA CO02IDDEN TO ,/KNO-8ED7E T<E EXIATEN/E OC T<IA FE<I/8E &'T<E O2JE/T(* UNTI8 GOU ,0E .J 5I8EA C0O5 T<E AE/U0ITG 1E0I5ETE0 OC JO<N C. KENNEDG INTE0N,TION,8 ,I01O0T. 2G 0E,DIN7 T<IA AI7N GOU <,FE DENIED EXIATEN/E OC T<E O2JE/T ,ND I518IED /ONAENT.@,5E0I/,N 0EATO0,TION ,UT<O0ITG, AE/U0ITG DI0E/TIFE IX+D.11 'TO7ET<E0 -E88 AU010IAE T<E -O08D4( The Italians, convinced that the worst was !ehind them, had already started tal%in# a!o t the last ten min tes as i" they had !een thro #h a thrillin# #eo$olitical advent re> the women amon# them were already disc ssin# hand!a# sho$s in Nolita where they co ld ta%e $artic lar advanta#e o" the ailin# dollar. ,nd then I reali)ed the "at mans smell o" "ear had never le"t my nostrils, had !ecome em!edded in my tr n%+li%e nasal hairs, the ones E nice had #in#erly $ lled $on in my 0oman !ed while whis$erin#, 'U#h, so #rodacio s.( ,nd then, !e"ore I %new e=actly what had ha$$ened, I was sittin# on the "loor o" the sec rity shed, my le#s s$rawled o t !eneath me, seless, my arms $roddin# the new ,merican air, as i" I were a slee$wal%er or an athlete doin# his stretches. 5y $ass$ort had "allen o t o" my hands. The Italians were sayin# somethin# sym$athetic in my direction. They were 6 ite alert to illness, those #entle ancient $eo$le. The so nds E nice called 'ver!allin#( were esca$in# "rom my mo th, ! t even i" yo c $$ed my mo th with yo r ear yo wo ld not !e a!le to nderstand a thin# I was sayin#. THE ONLY MAN FOR ME FROM THE GLOBALTEENS ACCOUNT OF EUNICE PARK

JUNE 5 Cormat: 8on#+Corm Atandard En#lish Te=t 78O2,8TEENA AU1E0 <INT: :arvard %ashion School studies show e#cessive t! ing makes wrists large and unattractive; <e a =lobal3een foreverswitch to Images toda!)

EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D 34 70I882IT/<: Dear 1recio s 1ony, A $, sl t3 I really wish yo were here ri#ht now. I need someone to ver!al with and Teens j st aint c ttin# it. Im so con" sed. I went $ to 8 cca with 2en &the /redit # y* and he was so s $er nice, $aid "or all my meals and this #or#eo s hotel room, too% me "or a wal% aro nd the city walls and to this insanely #ood osteria where everyone there %new him and we had a D;; e ro wine. I %e$t thin%in# a!o t how he wo ld !e the $er"ect !oy"riend and I sweated his hot s%inny !od. 2 t all o" a s dden I wo ld tell him li%e "or no reason that his "eet smelled or that he was cross+eyed or his hair was recedin# &which was a total 8IE*, and he wo ld #et all intro on me, t rn down the comm nity access on his I$$IrIt so that I wo ldnt %now where the " c% his mind was, and then j st stare o"" into s$ace. Its not li%e we didnt do it. -e did. ,nd it was all ri#ht. 2 t ri#ht a"terwards I started havin# this major !awlin# $anic attac% and he tried to com"ort me, told me I loo%ed sl tty and that my C c%a!ility was :;;U &which its so NOT, !eca se I cant "ind anyone in 0ome who can do ,sian hair* ! t he co ldnt. I "eel so m ch shame. I "eel so ndeservin# o" !ein# with someone li%e 2en and whenever we wal%ed down the street to#ether or somethin# I j st %e$t $ict rin# him with some !ea ti" l s $ermodel or some really smart ! t se=y 5ediawhore. Aomeone he really deserved instead o" this " c%ed+ $ #irl li%e me. I #ot another 7lo!alTeens "rom my mom sayin# !asically my dad was at it a#ain. Aally had to slee$ in the # est room $stairs and mom had to slee$ in the !asement, !eca se when he #ets really dr n% he cant really handle stairs, or at least yo have a lot o" warnin# when he does. I tried to #et Aally to tell me whats #oin# on ! t she only said somethin# wea%, li%e 5om s$oiled the to" and dads $ractice has !een em$ty, so its moms "a lt, or its his $atients "a lt, or anyones "a lt ! t his. ,nyway, Ive !een loo%in# at chea$ air tic%ets, !eca se as m ch as I love s$endin# that !astards money here, I %now Im res$onsi!le "or what ha$$ens to Aally and mom. I thin% a $art o" me is "allin# in love with 2en, ! t I %now it cant ha$$en, !eca se another, sic% $art o" me thin%s that my dad is always #oin# to !e the only man "or me. -henever somethin# wonder" l ha$$ens with 2en I s ddenly start to thin% o" all the #ood thin#s my D,D did and I start to 5IAA him. Go %now li%e he always hel$ed o t $oor 5e=icans when he had his $ractice in /ali"ornia and i" they didnt have ins rance, which was !asically always, he wo ld j st do their "eet "or "ree. I mean what i" Im the !ad da #hter "or leavin# him and #oin# all the way to E ro$e3 7od, Im sorry "or all this ver!al diarrhea. <ey, remem!er when we lived in 8on# 2each and yo wo ld slee$ over3 0emem!er my mom wo ld wa%e s $ at li%e seven in the mornin# the ne=t day yellin# 'Iiiireo+na4 Iiiireo+na4 Early !ird #ets worm4( I miss yo so m ch, 1recio s 1ony. 70I882IT/< 34 EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: Dear 1recio s 1anda, A $, !etch3 I #ot yo r messa#e j st as I was #ettin# o t o" the car at the J icy1 ssy in To$an#a and I was way sad the whole time. One o" the salesladies even ver!alled me i" I were o%ay and I told her I was 'thin%in#( and she was li%e 'why3( I dont %now what to tell yo . I # ess $arents can !e really disa$$ointin# ! t their the only $arents we have. I mean we %ind o" have to res$ect them no matter what and i" they do h rt" l thin#s we sho ld try to #et o t o" their way and !e even ten times more lovin#. I wish yo had an older !rother li%e I do !eca se he ta%es the !r nt o" everythin# in o r "amily. It m st s c% to !e the older sister in a "amily with no mails. ,nyway, as "or 2en, I thin% yo are de"inately doin# thin#s j st ri#ht4 <e doesnt %now its all !eca se o" yo r inner t rmoil, he thin%s yo re j st a real to #h sl t and that he has to wor% s $er e=tra hard to #et yo . Does his dic% %inda c rve down and to the side a little3 7o$hers does &hes #otten his 1hD@his 1retty < #e Dic%4* and I was wonderin# i" that was the case with all white !oys, the c rvin#. Aee what a vir#in I am3 <a ha. Go %now yo can ver!al me anytime day or ni#ht. I "eel li%e I dont %now what Im doin# hal" the time anyways, ! t Im so #lad that we can con"ide in each other, !eca se the world sometimes "eels so, li%e, I cant even descri!e it. Its li%e Im "loatin# aro nd and the moment anyone #ets near me or I #et near anyone theres j st this AT,TI/. Aometimes $eo$le ver!al me and I j st loo% at their mo th and its li%e -<,T3 -hat are yo sayin# to me3 <ow am I s $$osed to even ver!al !ac% and does it even matter what comes o t3 I mean, at least yo #ot $ and le"t home and went to 0O5E4 -ho does that3 2T-, do they sell this !rand o" $o$+o"" sheer $anties called TotalA rrender in Italy3 I thin% theyre "rom 5ilan ! t I cant even "ind them on Teeny2o$$ers or ,ss8 = ry. I" they have navy !l e Ill $ay yo !ac%, I swear. Go %now my si)e, sl t. I miss yo so m ch too, 1recio s 1anda. /ome !ac% to s nny /ali4 I thin% I #et crotch itch when Im on the $ill. -hat is U1 with that3 JUNE 7 /<UN7.-ON.1,0K 34 EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: E nhee, <ow are yo today. I ho$e yo do not worry yo rsel". It is nice yo write to Aally. 8ittle sister always loo% $ to !i# sister. 5e and Daddy went to ch rch and we tal% to#ether to 0everend /ho. I ma%e sorry to Daddy that I all the time am nconsiderate o" how hard he wor% and that he need everythin# j st $er"ect, s$ecially soon+d ! which is his "avorite4 Daddy $romise that i" he not "eel well CI0AT we $ray to#ether to 7OD "or # ide s T<EN he hit. Then 0everend /ho read to s Acri$t re which say woman is second to man. <e say man is head and woman is le# or arm. ,lso we $ray to#ether and s$ecially I ncl de yo and Aally !eca se yo and sister are all Daddy and me have. Otherwise we never leave Korea which is now richer co ntry than ,merica and also not have so m ch $olitical $ro!lem, ! t how we were to %now that when we leave3 Now even in Cort 8ee we see tan% on /enter ,ven e. Fery scary "or me, li%e in Korea in the 19:; lon# time a#o when there was Kwan#j tro !le and many $eo$le die. I ho$e nothin# ha$$en in 5anhattan to Aally. Ao !eca se we leave "or yo everythin# !ehind, yo now have !i# res$onsi!ility to Daddy and 5ommy and Aister. I j st learn how to ma%e ha$$y si#n. Do yo li%e it3 <aha. 5a%e me $ride o" yo and e=$ect o" yo li%e !e"ore. I love yo always.

5ommy EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D 34 /<UN7.-ON.1,0K: 5om, why dont yo and Aally come here to 0ome3 Ahe can ta%e s mmer classes ne=t year. -ell #et a !i##er a$artment and Ill show yo aro nd. Go deserve a !rea% "rom Daddy. Theres a /hristian &not /atholic* ch rch here that has services in Korean and well eat delicio s "ood and j st have a #ood time. 5ay!e itll hel$ ma%e me more "oc sed !eca se I %now yo re sa"e and then Ill !e a!le to score !etter on my 8A,T. 8ove, E nice EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: Aally, do yo want TotalA rrender $anties3 Theyre those sheer $o$+o""s that 1olish $orn star wears on ,ssDoctor. A,88GAT,0: The one with the "a%e hi$s3 EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: I thin% so. I cant #et ,ssDoctor on my I$$IrIt "or some reason. Nothin# wor%s in Italy. A,88GAT,0: Theyre sheer so yo can wear them with Onions%ins. EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: -hy not j st wear them with re# lar jeans. That way yo can '$rotect the mystery( as 5om says. A,88GAT,0: <ahaha. Kwan says some o" the CO2 Korean #irls in 8, dont even se condoms !eca se they want their dates to thin% theyre vir#ins. ,nd theyre li%e D:4 /hristmas /a%e already. EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: AI/K. 2 t I dont really #et it. Go so nd li%e yo re !etter. Everythin# o%ay3 A,88GAT,0: Dads "eelin# !etter, I # ess. <e came in to sin# with me in the shower. EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: IN T<E A<O-E03 A,88GAT,0: No, the c rtain was there. D h. EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: 2 t its a $lastic c rtain. A,88GAT,0: /an yo #et the TotalA rrenders chea$er in Italy3 Go %now my si)e. ,ct ally Im one si)e "atter. 7ross. EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: Ato$ eatin# so m ch4 ,nd dont let Daddy in the shower. A,88GAT,0: <es not IN the shower. Its nice to sin# with him. -e did 'Aister /hristian( and the theme son# "rom 'Oral A r#eon 8ee Dan# <ee.( 0emem!er how an#ry Daddy sed to #et at that show3 -hats that norae!an# wed #o to3 EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: Aomethin#+somethin# on Olym$ic. Go sho ld come to 0ome "or the s mmer. A,88GAT,0: /ant. /lasses. ,nd were #oin# to D/ ne=t wee% and theres #oin# to !e more $rotests all thr the s mmer. EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: 5ommy says she saw a tan% in Ct. 8ee. Aerio sly, Aally. Dont #et 1olitical. /ome to 0ome4 Theres this h #e o tlet mall j st twenty min tes away and they have the Aaaami "all collection and J icy1 ssys s mmer line and everythin# at least :; $ercent o"". A,88GAT,0: I tho #ht the dollar wasnt worth anythin#. EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: Go still save. <ello, :; $ercent o"". Do the math, nerd4 A,88GAT,0: I cant come. I #ot to loo% o t "or 5ommy. EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: 2rin# her with yo 4 A,88GAT,0: E nice, how do yo thin% yo can j st $ ll thin#s to#ether and ma%e everythin# chan#e and everyone ha$$y3 It doesnt wor% li%e that. EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: -hat sho ld I do3 1ray to Jes that he 'chan#es Daddys heart(3 A,88GAT,0: Go %now I dont li%e 0everend /ho ! t the one lesson I learned in ch rch is h mility. This is how it is. This is who my $arents are. ,nd I sho ld j st acce$t my limitations and do the !est I can with what 7od #ave me. I" yo dont thin% that yo ll j st ma%e yo rsel" misera!le. EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: In other words, j st #ive $ on everythin# and let Jes li#ht the way. 2T-, I already ,5 misera!le. A,88GAT,0: I havent #iven $ on anythin#. Im #oin# to !e a cardiolo#ist and Im #oin# to ma%e eno #h money so that Daddy can retire and not have to worry a!o t smelly white "eet anymore. ,nd then well all "eel a little !etter as a "amily may!e. EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: Geah, Im s re thatll solve everythin#. A,88GAT,0: Than%s "or a$$rovin# my dreams. Go re so m ch li%e Dad and yo dont even %now it. Atay in 0ome. I dont need two o" yo here. EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: I didnt mean it. A,88GAT,0: -hatever. EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: Im very $ro d o" yo . EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: Im the " c% $, o%ay3 EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: ,re yo still there3 Ill #et yo those TotalA rrender $anties, ! t yo re on yo r own with the ni$$leless !ra. EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: Aally4 Go %now when yo j st c t me o"" li%e that yo really ma%e me sad. EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: Go %now I wo ld do anythin# to ma%e yo and 5ommy ha$$y. 5ay!e I really -I88 #o to law school and Ill wor% in <i#h End 0etail and we can ! y 5ommy her own a$artment in 5anhattan so that she can !e sa"e. EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: Im comin# home, Aally. <ello3 ,s soon as I "ind a chea$ tic%et, Im comin# home. THE FALLACY OF MERELY EXISTING FROM THE DIARIES OF LENNY ABRAMOV

JUNE . Dear Diary, <eres a messa#e "rom Joshie that $o$$ed $ on my I$$IrIt ri#ht a"ter my ordeal at JCK: DE,0 0<EAUA 5ONKEG, U 2,/K GET3 8OTA OC 1OAITIFE /<,N7EA AND CUTBACKS <E0E> CEE8 C0EE TO 0E5,IN 0O5E ,A GOU CEE8 NEED> CUTU0E A,8,0G Y E518OG5ENT Z 8ETA DIA/UAA. -hat the hell was this3 -as Joshie 7oldmann, em$loyer and ersat) $a$a, a!o t to "ire me3 <ad he sent me to E ro$e j st to #et me o t o" the way3 I still have an old 5ead Cive Atar note!oo% "rom when I was a child, which Ive !een dyin# to $ t to #ood se. Ao I ri$$ed o t an act al sheet o" $a$er "rom it, $ t it on my co""ee ta!le, and started writin# this o t !y hand. AT0,TE7G CO0 A<O0T+TE05 AU0FIF,8 ,ND T<EN I55O0T,8ITG CO88O-IN7 0ETU0N TO NE- GO0K ,CTE0 EU0O1E,N CI,A/O2G 8ENNG ,20,5OF, 2.,., 5.2.,.1* -or% <ard "or Joshie@Ahow yo matter at the wor%$lace> show yo re not j st a teachers $et, ! t a creative thin%er and /ontent 1rovider> ma%e e=c ses "or $oor $er"ormance in E ro$e> #et raise> lower s$endin#> save money "or initial dechroni"ication treatments> do !le own li"es$an in twenty years and then j st %ee$ #oin# at it e=$onentially ntil yo #ain the moment m to achieve Inde"inite 8i"e E=tension.D* 5a%e Joshie 1rotect Go @Evo%e "ather+li%e !ond in res$onse to $olitical sit ation. Tal% a!o t what ha$$ened on the $lane> evo%e Jewish "eelin#s o" terror and inj stice.E* 8ove E nice @Even i" shes "ar away, try to thin% o" her as a $otential $artner> meditate on her "rec%les and ma%e yo rsel" "eel loved !y her to lower stress levels and "eel less alone. 8et the $otential o" her sweetness enhance yo r ha$$iness444 Then !e# her to come to New Gor% and let her !ecome, in short order, rel ctant lover, ca tio s com$anion, $retty yo n# wi"e.O* /are "or Go r Criends@5eet $ with them ri#ht a"ter yo see Joshie and try to re+create a sense o" comm nity with 2CCs Noah and Fishn .J* 2e Nice to 1arents &-ithin 8imits*@They may !e mean to yo ! t they re$resent yo r $ast and who yo are. Ja* Aee% Aimilarities with 1arents@they #rew $ in a dictatorshi$ and one day yo mi#ht !e livin# in one too444.* /ele!rate -hat Go <ave@Go re not as !ad o"" as some $eo$le. Thin% o" that $oor "at man on the $lane &where is he now3 what are they doin# to him3* and "eel ha$$y !y com$arison. I "olded the $a$er $ and $ t it into my wallet "or easy re"erence. 'Now,( I said to mysel", '#o ma%e it ha$$en4( Cirst, I /ele!rated -hat I <ave &1oint No. .*. I !e#an with the NO; s6 are "eet that "orm my share o" 5anhattan Island. I live in the last middle+class stron#hold in the city, hi#h ato$ a red+!ric% )i## rat that a Jewish #arment wor%ers nion had erected on the !an%s o" the East 0iver !ac% in the days when Jews sewed clothes "or a livin#. Aay what yo will, these #ly co+o$s are " ll o" a thentic old $eo$le who have real stories to tell &altho #h these stories are o"ten meanderin# and hard to "ollow> e.#., who on earth was this # y 'Dillin#er(3*. Then I cele!rated my -all o" 2oo%s. I co nted the vol mes on my twenty+"oot+lon# modernist !oo%shel" to ma%e s re none had !een mis$laced or sed as %indlin# !y my s !tenant. 'Go re my sacred ones,( I told the !oo%s. 'No one ! t me still cares a!o t yo . 2 t Im #oin# to %ee$ yo with me "orever. ,nd one day Ill ma%e yo im$ortant a#ain.( I tho #ht a!o t that terri!le cal mny o" the new #eneration: that !oo%s smell. ,nd yet, in $re$aration "or the event al arrival o" E nice 1ar%, I decided to !e sa"e and s$rayed some 1ine+Aol -ild Clower 2last in the vicinity o" my tomes, "annin# the atomi)ed j ices with my hands in the direction o" their s$ines. Then I cele!rated my other $ossessions, the mod lar+desi#n " rnit re and slee% electronica and the mid+19J;s /or! sier+ ins$ired dresser st ""ed with mementos o" $ast relationshi$s, some $retty racy and scented with nether re#ions, others do sed in the %ind o" sadness that I sho ld really learn to let #o. I cele!rated the di""ic lt+to+assem!le !alcony ta!le &one le# still too short* and had a $retty aw" l non+0oman co""ee al fresco, loo%in# o t on the ! sy downtown s%yline some twenty !loc%s away "rom me, military and civilian cho$$ers streamin# $ast the over!lown s$ire o" the 'Creedom( Tower and all that other #litterin# downtown hoo+hah. I cele!rated the low+rise ho sin# $rojects crowdin# my immediate view, the so+called Fladec% <o ses, which stand in red+!ric% solidarity with my own co+o$s, not e=actly $ro d o" themselves, ! t "eelin# resi#ned and necessary, their tho sands o" residents $rimed "or s mmer warmth, and, i" I may s$ec late, s mmer love. Even "rom a distance o" a h ndred "eet, I can sometimes hear the $ained love+cries their residents ma%e !ehind their tattered 1 erto 0ican "la#s, and sometimes their violent screams. -ith love in mind, I decided to cele!rate the season. Cor me the transition "rom 5ay to J ne is mar%ed !y the radical switch "rom %nee to an%le soc%s. I sla$$ed on white linen $ants, a s$ec%led 1en# in shirt, and com"y 5alaysian snea%ers, so that I easily resem!led many o" the nona#enarians in my ! ildin#. 5y co+o$s are $art o" a NO0/@a Nat rally Occ rrin# 0etirement /omm nity @a %ind o" instant Clorida "or those too "rail or $oor to relocate to 2oca in time "or their deaths. Down !y the elevator, s rro nded !y withered NO0/ers in motori)ed wheelchairs and their Jamaican care#ivers, I co nted the daily carna#e o" the Death 2oard !y the elevators. Cive residents o" the NO0/ had $assed in the last two days alone. The woman who had lived a!ove me, ei#htysomethin# Naomi 5ar#olis in E+N;N, was #one, and her son David 5ar#olis was invitin# her eclectic nei#h!ors@the yo n# 5edia and /redit $ro"essionals, the old widowed socialist seamstresses, and the ever+m lti$lyin# Orthodo= Jews@to 'cele!rate her memory( at his ho se in Teanec%, New Jersey. I admired 5rs. 5ar#olis "or livin# as lon# as she did, ! t once yo #ive in to the idea that a memory is somehow a s !stit te "or a h man !ein#, yo may as well #ive $ on Inde"inite 8i"e E=tension. I # ess yo can say that, while admirin# 5rs. 5ar#olis, I also hated 5rs. 5ar#olis. <ated her "or #ivin# $ on li"e, "or lettin# the waves come and recede, her withered !ody in tow. 5ay!e I hated all the old $eo$le in my ! ildin#, and wished them to disa$$ear already so that I co ld "oc s on my own str ##le with mortality. In my trendy old+mans #et $, I am!led with easy #race down 7rand Atreet toward the East 0iver 1ar%, ste$$in# on each c r! with the $ro"o nd 'oy( that is the call+and+res$onse o" my nei#h!orhood. I sat on my "avorite !ench, ne=t to the stoc%y, s$lay+ "ooted realism o" the -illiams! r# 2rid#es anchora#e, noticin# how $art o" the str ct re loo%ed li%e a ! nch o" stac%ed mil% crates. I cele!rated the teena#ed mothers "rom the Fladec% <o ses tendin# to their childrens !oo+!oos &', !ee to ched me, 5ommy4(*. I relished hearin# lan# a#e act ally !ein# s oken !y children. Over!lown ver!s, e=$losive no ns, !ea ti" lly ! n#led $re$ositions. 8an# a#e, not data. <ow lon# wo ld it !e !e"ore these %ids retreated into the dense clic%ety+clac% I$$IrIt world o" their a!sor!ed

mothers and missin# "athers3 Then I ca #ht si#ht o" a healthy+loo%in# old /hinese woman ri$e "or cele!ration and, at the s$eed o" hal" a " rlon# an ho r, tailed her down 7rand Atreet and then East 2roadway, watchin# her "eel $ e=otic t !ers and sla$ aro nd some silvery "ish. Ahe was sho$$in# with s ! r!an a!andon, ! yin# everythin# that came within her #ras$ and then, a"ter each $ rchase, r nnin# over to stand ne=t to one o" the wooden tele#ra$h $oles that now lined the streets. 5y "ashion "riend Aandi in 0ome had told me a!o t the /redit 1oles, ya$$in# on a!o t their cool retro desi#n, the way the wood was intentionally #narled in $laces and how the tility wire was re$laced !y strin#s o" colored li#hts. The old+"ashioned a$$earance o" the 1oles was o!vio sly meant to evo%e a st rdier time in o r nations history, e=ce$t "or the little 8ED co nters at eye level that re#istered yo r /redit ran%in# as yo wal%ed !y. ,to$ the 1oles, ,merican 0estoration , thority si#ns !illowed in several lan# a#es. In the /hinatown $arts o" East 2roadway, the si#ns read in En#lish and /hinese@',merica /ele!rates Its A$enders4(@ with a cartoon o" a miserly ant ha$$ily r nnin# toward a mo ntain o" wra$$ed /hristmas $resents. In the 8atino sections on 5adison Atreet, they read in En#lish and A$anish@'Aave It "or a 0ainy Day, :uev>n(@with a "rownin# #rassho$$er in a )oot s it showin# s his em$ty $oc%ets. ,lternate si#ns read in all three lan# a#es: The 2oat Is C ll ,void De$ortation 8atinos Aave /hinese A$end ,8-,GA Kee$ Go r /redit 0an%in# -ithin 8imits,5E0I/,N 0EATO0,TION ,UT<O0ITG 'TO7ET<E0 -E88 AU010IAE T<E -O08D4( I "elt the $er" nctory li!eral chill at seein# entire races o" h man !ein#s so s mmarily red ced and stereoty$ed, ! t was also voye ristically interested in seein# $eo$les /redit ran%in#s. The old /hinese woman had a decent 1O;;, ! t others, the yo n# 8atina mothers, even a $ro"li#ate teena#ed <asid $ ""in# down the street, were showin# !lin%in# red scores !elow 9;;, and I worried "or them. I wal%ed $ast one o" the 1oles, lettin# it )a$ the data o"" my I$$IrIt, and saw my own score, an im$ressive 1JD;. 2 t there was a !lin%in# red asteris% ne=t to the score. -as the otter still "la##in# me3 I sent a 7lo!alTeens messa#e to Nettie Cine, ! t #ot a chillin# '0E/I1IENT DE8ETED( in res$onse. -hat co ld that mean3 No one ever #ets deleted "rom 7lo!alTeens. I tried to 7lo!alTrace her ! t #ot an even more "ri#htenin# '0E/I1IENT UNT0,/E,28EPIN,/TIFE.( -hat %ind o" $erson co ldnt !e "o nd on this earth3 2ac% in 0ome, I sed to meet Aandi "or l nch at da Tonino and wed tal% a!o t what we missed the most a!o t 5anhattan. Cor me it was "ried $or%+and+scallion d m$lin#s on Eldrid#e Atreet, "or him !ossy older !lac% women at the #as com$any or the nem$loyment o""ice who called him 'honey( and 's #ar( and sometimes '!a!y.( <e said it wasnt a #ay thin#, ! t, rather, that these !lac% women made him "eel calm and at ease, as i" he had momentarily won the love and motherin# o" a com$lete stran#er. I # ess thats what I wanted ri#ht now, with Nettie Cine 'IN,/TIFE,( with E nice si= time )ones away, with the /redit 1oles red cin# everyone to a sim$le three+di#it n meral, with an innocent "at man dra##ed o"" a $lane, with Joshie tellin# me '" t re salary Y em$loyment Z lets disc ss(: a little love and motherin#. I stal%ed $ and down the eastern $art o" 7rand Atreet, tryin# to #et my !earin#s, tryin# to re+esta!lish my hold on the $lace. 2 t it wasnt j st the /redit 1oles. The nei#h!orhood had chan#ed since I le"t "or 0ome a year a#o. ,ll the mea#er ! sinesses I remem!er were still there, decayed linole m $laces with names li%e the ,+OK 1i))a Ahac%, "re6 ented !y $oor $atrons who $awed at the %ey!oard o" an old com$ ter terminal while smearin# their "aces with $i))a oils, a moldy 19:: ten+vol me edition o" 3he New <ook of (o ular Science stac%ed in the corner, awaitin# c stomers who co ld read. 2 t there was an added aimlessness to the $o$ lation, the nem$loyed men sta##erin# down the chic%en+!one+littered street as i" dr n% o"" a $int o" #rain alcohol and not j st a !evy o" Ne#ra 5odelos, their "ace !l nted !eneath the %ind o" de$ressive a""ect that I s ally associate with my "ather. ,n an#elic seven+year+old #irl in !raids was sho tin# into her I$$IrIt: 'Ne= time I see her ass Im #onna $ nch that ni##a in the stomach4( ,n old Jewish woman "rom my co+o$s had "allen on the s n+!a%ed as$halt, and her "riends had made a $rotective scrim aro nd her as she s$ n aro nd li%e a t rtle. 2y the ra)or+wired "ence delineatin# a "ailed l = ry+condo develo$ment, a dr n% in a "rilly # aya!era shirt $ lled down his $ants and !e#an to evac ate. Ive seen this $artic lar #ent $ !licly cra$$in# !e"ore, ! t the $ained e=$ression on his "ace, the way he r !!ed his na%ed ha nches while he shat, as i" the J ne heat wasnt eno #h to %ee$ them warm, the sta##erin# #r nts he s$at at the direction o" o r citys clo d+strea%ed har!or s%ies, made me "eel as i" my native street was sli$$in# away "rom me, "allin# into the East 0iver, "allin# into a new time wrin%le where we wo ld all dro$ o r $ants and d m$ " rio sly on the motherland. ,n armored $ersonnel carrier !earin# the insi#nia o" the New Gor% ,rmy National 7 ard was $ar%ed astride a man+si)ed $othole at the ! sy intersection o" Esse= and Delancey, a roo"+mo nted .J;+cali!er 2rownin# machine # n rotatin# 1:; de#rees, !ac% and "orth, li%e a retarded metronome alon# the ! sy ! t $eacea!le 8ower East Aide streetsca$e. Tra""ic was "ro)en all across Delancey Atreet. Ailent tra""ic, "or no one dared to se a horn a#ainst the military vehicle. The street corner em$tied aro nd me ntil I stood alone, starin# down the !arrel o" a # n li%e an idiot. I li"ted $ my hands in $anic and directed my "eet to scram. 5y cele!rations were t rnin# so r. I too% o t the list I had written !y hand and decided to ma%e immediate se o" 1oint No. D &5a%e Joshie 1rotect Go *. 2y a recently sh ttered 2owery scones+and+li!ations esta!lishment called 1overtea, I "o nd a ca! and directed it to the U$$er East Aide lair o" my second "ather. The 1ost+< man Aervices division o" the Ataatlin#+-a$ach n# /or$oration is ho sed in a "ormer 5oorish+style syna#o# e near Ci"th ,ven e, a tired+loo%in# ! ildin# dri$$in# with ara!es6 es, %oo%y ! ttresses, and other cra$ that !rin#s to mind a lesser 7a dT. Joshie !o #ht it at a ction "or a mere ei#hty tho sand dollars when the con#re#ation "olded a"ter !ein# !am!oo)led !y some %ind o" Jewish $yramid scheme years a#o. The "irst thin# I noticed $on my ret rn was the "amiliar smell. <eavy se o" a s$ecial hy$oaller#enic or#anic air "reshener is enco ra#ed at 1ost+< man Aervices, !eca se the scent o" immortality is com$le=. The s $$lements, the diet, the constant sheddin# o"

!lood and s%in "or vario s $hysical tests, the "ear o" the metallic com$onents "o nd in most deodorants, create a c rio s array o" $ost+ mortal odors, o" which 'sardine !reath( is the most !eni#n. -ith one or two e=ce$tions, I havent made any wor%+time ! ddies at 1ost+< man Aervices since I t rned thirty. Its not easy !ein# "riends with some twenty+two+year+old who cries over his "astin# !lood+#l cose level or sends o t a 7ro $Teen with his adrenal+stress inde= and a smiley "ace. -hen the #ra""ito in the !athroom reads '8enny ,!ramovs ins lin levels are whac%,( there is a certain ndenia!le element o" one+ $manshi$, which, in t rn, raises the cortisol levels associated with stress and enco ra#es cell lar !rea%down. Atill, when I wal%ed thro #h the door I e=$ected to reco#ni)e someone. The syna#o# es #ilded main sanct ary was "illed !y yo n# men and women dressed with an#ry $ost+colle#e disre#ard, ! t $rojectin# "rom somewhere !etween the eyes the messa#e that they were the $ersoni"ication o" that old -hitney <o ston n m!er Ive mentioned !e"ore, that they, the children, were de facto the " t re. -e had eno #h em$loyees at 1ost+< man Aervices to re$o$ late the ori#inal Twelve Tri!es o" Israel, which were handily re$resented !y the stained+#lass windows o" the sanct ary. <ow d ll we loo%ed in their ocean+!l e #lare. The ar% where the Torahs are c stomarily stashed had !een ta%en o t, and in its $lace h n# "ive #i#antic Aolari sched le !oards Joshie had resc ed "rom vario s Italian train stations. Instead o" the arrivi and arten6e times o" trains $ llin# in and o t o" Clorence or 5ilan, the "li$ !oard dis$layed the names o" 1ost+< man Aervices em$loyees, alon# with the res lts o" o r latest $hysicals, o r methylation and homocysteine levels, o r testosterone and estro#en, o r "astin# ins lin and tri#lycerides, and, most im$ortant, o r 'mood U stress indicators,( which were always s $$osed to read '$ositiveP$lay" lPready to contri! te( ! t which, with eno #h in$ t "rom com$etitive co+wor%ers, co ld !e chan#ed to 'one moody !etch today( or 'not a team $laya this month.( On this $artic lar day, the !lac%+and+white "la$s were t rnin# madly, the letters and n m!ers m tatin#@a dronin# tic%a+tic%a+tic%a+tic%a@to "orm new words and "i# res, as one n"ort nate ,iden 5. was lowered "rom 'overcomin# loss o" loved one( to 'lettin# $ersonal li"e inter"ere with jo!( to 'doesnt $lay well with others.( Dist r!in#ly eno #h, several o" my "ormer collea# es, incl din# my "ellow 0 ssian, the !rilliantly manic+de$ressive Fasily 7reen!a m, were mar%ed !y the dreaded le#end T0,IN /,N/E8ED. ,s "or me, I wasnt even listed. I $ositioned mysel" in the middle o" the sanct ary to a s$ot !eneath The 2oards, tryin# to ma%e mysel" a $art o" the so"t ja!!er aro nd me. '<i,( I said. ,nd with a s$lash o" the arms: '8enny ,!ramov4( 2 t my words disa$$eared into the new so nd$roo"ed wood $anelin# while vario s con"i# rations o" yo n# $eo$le, some arm in arm, as i" on a cas al date, swoo$ed thro #h the sanct ary, headed "or the Aoy Kitchen or the Eternity 8o n#e, leavin# me to hear the words 'Ao"t 1olicy( and '<arm 0ed ction,( '0OC8,,01,( '107F,( 'TI5,TOF,( and '! tt+$l ##in# 0 !enstein,( and, attendant with "emale la #hter, '0hes s 5on%ey.( 5y nic%name4 Aomeone had reco#ni)ed my s$ecial relationshi$ to Joshie, the "act that I sed to !e im$ortant aro nd here. It was Kelly Nardl. 5y darlin# Kelly Nardl. , s $$le, low+sl n# #irl my a#e whom I wo ld !e terminally attracted to i" I co ld stand to s$end my li"e within three meters o" her nondeodori)ed animal scent. Ahe welcomed me with a %iss on !oth chee%s, as i" she were the one j st ret rned "rom E ro$e, and too% me !y the hand toward her !ri#ht, clean wed#e o" a des% in what sed to !e the cantors o""ice. 'Im #oin# to ma%e yo a $late o" cr ci"ero s ve#eta!les, !a!y,( she said, and that sentence alone halved my "ears. They dont "ire yo a"ter they "eed yo "lowerin# ca!!a#e at 1ost+< man Aervices. Fe#eta!les are a si#n o" res$ect. Then a#ain, Kelly was an e=ce$tion to the hard+ed#ed ty$es aro nd here, 8o isiana+!red "or %indness and #entility, a yo n#er, less hysterical Nettie Cine &may she !e alive and well, wherever she is*. I stood !ehind her as she dotted #olden cress alon# ste$$es o" Ai!erian %ale. I rested my hands on her solid sho lders, !reathed in her so r vitality. Ahe leaned her hot chee% a#ainst one o" my wrists, a motion so "amiliar it seemed to me we had !een related even !e"ore this li"etime. <er $ale, !loomin# thi#hs s$read !eyond a modest $air o" %ha%i shorts, and I remem!ered a#ain to celebrate, in this case, every inch o" Kellys im$er"ection. '<ey,( I said, 'Fasily 7reen!a ms train #ot canceled3 <e $layed the # itar and co ld s$ea% a little ,ra!ic. <e was so Mready to contri! te when he wasnt totally de$ressed.( '<e t rned "orty last month,( Kelly si#hed. 'Didnt ma%e 6 otas.( 'Im almost "orty too,( I said. ',nd why isnt my name $ on The 2oards3( Kelly didnt say anythin#. Ahe was $arsin# ca li"lower with a d ll sa"ety %ni"e, moist re !eadin# her white "orehead. Kelly and I had once shared an entire !ottle o" wine@or 'resveratrol,( as we 1ost+< mans li%e to call it@at a ta$as !ar in 2roo%lyn, and a"ter wal%in# her to her violent 2 shwic% tenement I wondered i" I co ld one day "all in love with a woman so no!tr sively, com$ lsively decent &answer: no*. 'Ao whos still aro nd "rom the old #an#3( I as%ed, voice atrem!le. 'I didnt see Jami 1ilsners name. Or Irene 1o. ,re they j st #oin# to "ire all o" s3( '<oward Ah s doin# "ine,( Kelly told me. '7ot $romoted.( '7reat,( I said. O" all the $eo$le still em$loyed, it had to !e that slee% 1DO+$o nd !astard Ah , my classmate at NGU who had !ested me "or the last do)en years in all o" li"es #r esome contests. I" yo as% me, theres a little somethin# sad a!o t the em$loyees o" 1ost+< man Aervices, and to me !rash, hi#hly " nctional <oward Ah is the $ersoni"ication o" that sadness. The tr th is, we may thin% o" o rselves as the " t re, ! t we are not. -e are servants and a$$rentices, not immortal clients. -e hoard o r y an, we ta%e o r n tritionals, we $ric% o rselves and !leed and meas re that dar%+$ r$le li6 id a tho sand di""erent ways, we do everythin# ! t $ray, ! t in the end we are still mar%ed "or death. I co ld commit my #enome and $roteome to heart, I co ld wa#e n tritional war a#ainst my "a lty a$o EO allele ntil I t rn mysel" into a wal%in# cr ci"ero s ve#eta!le, ! t nothin# will c re my main #enetic de"ect: 5y "ather is a janitor "rom a $oor co ntry. <oward Ah s dad haw%s miniat re t rtles in /hinatown. Kelly Nardl is rich, ! t hardly rich eno #h. The scale o" wealth we #rew $ with no lon#er a$$lies. Kellys I$$IrIt lit $ the air aro nd her, and she was $l n#ed into the needs o" a h ndred clients. ,"ter the daily decadence o" 0ome, o r o""ices loo%ed s$are. Everythin# !athed in so"t colors and the healthy #low o" nat ral wood, o""ice e6 i$ment covered in

/herno!yl+style sarco$ha#i when not in se, al$ha+wave stim lators hidden !ehind Ja$anese screens, stro%in# o r overactive !rains with calmin# rays. 8ittle "ramed h moro s hints scattered thro #ho t. 'J st Aay No to Atarch.( '/heer U$4 1essimism Kills.( 'Telomere+E=tended /ells Do It 2etter.( 'N,TU0E <,A , 8OT TO 8E,0N C0O5 UA.( ,nd, "l tterin# in the wind a!ove Kelly Nardls des%, a wanted $oster showin# a cartoon hi$$ie !ein# whac%ed over the head with a stal% o" !roccoli: -,NTED Cor electron stealin# DN, %illin# 5alicio s cell lar dama#e,22IE 'C0EE 0,DI/,8( <OCC5,N -,0NIN7: A !ject may !e armed and dan#ero s Do not attem$t to a$$rehend /all a thorities immediately and increase inta%e o" the coen)yme Q1; '5ay!e Ill #o to my des%,( I said to Kelly. '<oney,( she said, her lon# "in#ers aro nd my own. Go co ld drown a %itten in her !l e eyes. 'Oh 7od,( I said. 'Dont tell me.( 'Go dont have a des%. I mean, someones ta%en it. This new %id "rom 2rown+Gonsei. 2arr!l, I thin%.( '-heres Joshie3( I said a tomatically. 'Clyin# !ac% "rom D./.( Ahe chec%ed her I$$IrIt. '<is jet !ro%e down, so hes #oin# commercial. <ell !e !ac% aro nd l nchtime.( '-hat do I do3( I whis$ered. 'It wo ld hel$,( she said, 'i" yo loo%ed a little yo n#er. Ta%e care o" yo rsel". 7o to the Eternity 8o n#e. 1 t some 8e=in+ D/ concentrate nder yo r eyes.( The Eternity 8o n#e was crammed " ll o" smelly yo n# $eo$le chec%in# their I$$IrIti or leanin# !ac% on co ches with their "aces $ to the ceilin#, de+stressin#, !reathin# ri#ht. The even, n tty aroma o" !rewin# #reen tea sn c% a morsel o" nostal#ia into my #eneral climate o" "ear. I was there when we "irst $ t in the Eternity 8o n#e, "ive years a#o, in what sed to !e the syna#o# es !an6 etin# hall. It had ta%en <oward Ah and me three years j st to #et the !ris%et smell o t. '<i,( I said to anyone who wo ld listen. I loo%ed at the co ches, ! t there was hardly a $lace to s6 ee)e in. I too% o t my I$$IrIt, ! t noticed that the new %ids all had the new $e!!le+li%e model aro nd their nec%s, the %ind E nice had worn. ,t least three o" the yo n# women in the room were #or#eo s in a way that transcended their $hysicality and made their smooth, ethnically indeterminate s%in and sad !rown eyes stretch !ac% to earliest 5eso$otamia. I went to the mini+!ar where the nsweetened #reen tea was dis$ensed, alon# with the al%alini)ed water and DE1 daily n tritionals. ,s I was a!o t to hit the "ish oils and c cr mins that %ee$ in"lammation at !ay, some!ody la #hed at me, a "eminine la #her and th s all the more damnin#. /as ally scattered ato$ the l = riant co ches, my co+wor%ers loo%ed li%e the characters "rom a comedy show a!o t yo n# $eo$le in 5anhattan I remem!ered watchin# com$ lsively when I was #rowin# $. 'J st #ot !ac% "rom a year in 0oma,( I said, tryin# to $ m$ the !ravado into my voice. ',ll car!s over there. Need to stoc% $ on the essentials li%e a cuh+ ra)y $erson. 7ood to !e !ac%, # ys4( Ailence. 2 t as I t rned !ac% to the s $$lements, someone said, '-hats sha%in#, 0hes s 5on%ey3( It was a %id with a small o t!rea% o" m stache and a #ray !odys it with the words AUK DIK stenciled across the !reast, some %ind o" red !andana str n# aro nd his nec%. 1ro!a!ly Darryl "rom 2rown, the one who had ta%en my des%. <e co ldnt have !een more than twenty+"ive. I smiled at him, loo%ed at my I$$IrIt, si#hed as i" I had too m ch wor% ahead o" me, and then !e#an to cas ally leave the Eternity 8o n#e. '-here yo #oin#, 0hes s3( he as%ed, !loc%in# my e=it with his scra##ly, ti#ht+! tted !ody, shovin# his I$$IrIt in my "ace, the rich or#anic smell o" him clo din# my nostrils. 'Dont yo want to do some !lood wor% "or s, ! ddy3 Im seein# tri#lycerides cloc%in# in at 1EJ. Thats before yo ran away to E ro$e li%e a little !itch.( There was more hootin# in the !ac%#ro nd, the women clearly enjoyin# this to=ic !anter. I !ac%ed away, m m!lin#, 'One thirty+"ive is still within the ran#e.( -hat was that acronym E nice had sed3 'J2C,( I said. 'Im j st ! tt+" c%in#.( There was more la #hter, a "lash o" $ewter chin in the !ac%#ro nd, the shine o" hairless hands !earin# slee% technolo#ical $endants " ll o" ri#ht data. 5omentarily, I saw /he%hovs $rose !e"ore my eyes, his descri$tion o" the 5oscow merchants son 8a$tev, who '%new that he was #ly, and now he "elt as tho #h he was conscio s o" his #liness all over his !ody.( ,nd still the cornered animal in me "o #ht !ac%. 'D der,( I said, remem!erin# what the r de yo n# man on the air$lane had called me when he com$lained a!o t the smell o" my !oo%. 'D der, I can feel yo r an#er. Ill ta%e a !lood test, no $ro!, ! t while were at it, o%ay, lets j st meas re yo r cortisol and e$ine$hrine levels. Im #oin# to $ t yo r stress levels $ on The 2oards. Go re not $layin# well with others.( 2 t no one heard my ri#hteo s words. The sweat #listenin# o"" my caveman "orehead s$elled it all o t "or them. ,n o$en invitation. 8et the yo n# eat the old. The AUK DIK # y act ally $ shed me ntil I "elt the cold o" the Eternity 8o n#e wall a#ainst the s$arseness o" my hair. <e shoved his I$$IrIt into my "ace. It was "lashin# my o$en+so rced !lood wor% "rom a year a#o. '<ow dare yo j st walt) !ac% here li%e that with that !ody mass inde= o" yo rs3( he said. 'Go thin% yo re j st #oin# to ta%e one o" o r des%s3 ,"ter doin# " c%+all in Italy "or a year3 -e %now all a!o t yo , 5on%ey. Im #oin# to shove a car!+"illed macaroon $ yo r ass nless yo s%edaddle right now.( , #i#antic sitcom cheer rose $ !ehind him@a h #e wooooo o" ha$$y an#er and joyo s consternation, the assertion o" the tri!e over its wea%est mem!er. Two and a hal" heart!eats later, the hootin# a!r $tly ceased. I heard the m rm r o" <is Name and the cli$+clo$ o" his a$$roach. The !oistero s crowd was $artin#, the AUK DIK warriors slin%in# away, those Darryls and <eaths.

,nd there he was. Go n#er than !e"ore. The initial dechroni"ication treatments@the !eta treatments, as we called them@ already co rsin# thro #h him. <is "ace nlined and harmonio sly still, e=ce$t "or that thic% nose, which twitched ncontrolla!ly at times, some m scle #ro $ #one haywire. <is ears stood !eside his shorn head li%e two sentinels. Joshie 7oldmann never revealed his a#e, ! t I s rmised he was in his late si=ties: a si=tysomethin# man with a m stache as !lac% as eternity. In resta rants he had sometimes !een mista%en "or my handsomer !rother. -e shared the same na$$reciated j m!le o" meaty li$s and thic% eye!rows and chests that !arreled "orward li%e a terriers, ! t thats where it ended. 2eca se when Joshie loo%ed at yo , when he lowered his #a)e at yo , the heat wo ld rise in yo r chee%s and yo wo ld "ind yo rsel" oddly, irrevoca!ly, $resent. 'Oh, 8eonard,( he said, si#hin# and sha%in# his head. 'Those # ys #ivin# yo a hard time3 1oor 0hes s. /ome on. 8ets tal%.( I shyly "ollowed him as he wal%ed $stairs &no elevators, never* to his o""ice. <o!!led, I sho ld say. There is a $ro!lem with Joshies s%eleton which he has never disc ssed, which ma%es him !alance ncertainly "rom "oot to "oot, wal% in se#ments and "its and starts, as i" a 1hili$ 7lass $iece were $layin# commandin#ly !ehind him. <is o""ice was $ac%ed with a do)en yo n# sta""ers I hadnt seen !e"ore, all chattin# at once. '<omies,( he said to his acolytes, 'can I #et a min te here3 -ell #et ri#ht !ac% into it. J st one moment.( /ollective si#h. They troo$ed $ast me, s r$rised, a#itated, !em sed, their I$$IrIti already $rojectin# data a!o t me, $erha$s tellin# them how little I meant, my thirty+nine+year+old o!solescence. <e ran his hand thro #h the " llness o" hair at my na$e and t rned my head aro nd. 'Ao m ch #ray,( he said. I almost ste$$ed away "rom his to ch. -hat had E nice told me in one o" o r last moments to#ether3 Youre old0 1en. 2 t instead I allowed him to e=amine me closely, even as I scr tini)ed the shar$, ea#le $ro"ile o" his chest, the m sc lar $resence o" his Nettie Cine?cali!er nose, the neasy !alance he held over the earth !eneath him. <is hand was dee$ into my scal$, and his "in#ers "elt ncharacteristically cold. 'Ao m ch #ray,( he said a#ain. 'Its the $asta car!s,( I stammered. ',nd the stressors o" Italian li"e. 2elieve it or not, its not easy over there when yo re livin# on an ,mericans salary. The dollar@( '-hats yo r $< level3( Joshie interr $ted. 'Oh !oy,( I said. The !ranch shadows o" a s $er! oa% tree were cree$in# $ to the window, #racin# Joshies shaven dome with a $air o" antlers. The windows o" this $art o" the "ormer syna#o# e were desi#ned to "orm the o tline o" the Ten /ommandments. Joshies o""ice was on the to$ "loor, the words 'Go Ahall <ave No Other 7ods 2e"ore 5e( still stenciled into the window in En#lish and <e!rew. 'Ei#ht $oint nine,( I said. 'Go need to deto=i"y, 8en.( I co ld hear a clamor o tside his door. Ea#er voices $ shin# one another aside "or his attention, the days ! siness s$read o t li%e the endless corridors o" data swee$in# aro nd 5anhattan. On Joshies des%, a smooth $iece o" #lass, a slee% di#ital "rame, showed s a slide show o" his li"e@yo n# Joshie dressed $ li%e a maharajah d rin# his short+lived one+man O"" 2roadway show, ha$$y 2 ddhists at the 8aotian tem$le his " nds had re! ilt "rom scratch !eseechin# the camera on their %nees, Joshie in a conical straw hat smilin# irresisti!ly d rin# his !rie" ten re as a soy "armer. 'Im #oin# to drin% "i"teen c $s o" al%ali)ed water a day,( I said. 'Go r male $attern !aldness worries me.( I la #hed. I act ally said 'ha ha.( 'It worries me too, 7ri))ly 2ear,( I said. 'Im not tal%in# aesthetics here. ,ll that 0 ssian Jewish testosterone is !ein# t rned ri#ht into dihydrotestosterone. Thats %iller st "". 1rostate cancer down the road. Go ll need at least ei#ht h ndred milli#rams o" saw $almetto a day. -hats wron#, 0hes s3 Go loo% li%e yo re #oin# to cry.( 2 t I j st wanted to listen to him ta%e care o" me some more. I wanted him to $ay close attention to my dihydrotestosterone and to resc e me "rom the !ea ti" l ! llies in the Eternity 8o n#e. Joshie has always told 1ost+< man Aervices sta"" to %ee$ a diary, to remem!er who we were, !eca se every moment o r !rains and syna$ses are !ein# re! ilt and rewired with maddenin# disre#ard "or o r $ersonalities, so that each year, each month, each day we trans"orm into a di""erent $erson, an tterly n"aith" l iteration o" o r ori#inal selves, o" the droolin# %id in the sand!o=. 2 t not me. I am still a "acsimile o" my early childhood. I am still loo%in# "or a lovin# dad to li"t me $ and !r sh the sand o"" my ass and to hear En#lish, calm and h rtless, "all o"" his li$s. 5y $arents had !een raised !y Nettie Cine, why co ldnt I !e raised !y Joshie3 'I thin% Im in love with this #irl,( I s$ ttered. 'Tal% to me.( 'Ahes s $er+yo n#. A $er+healthy. ,sian. 8i"e e=$ectancy@very hi#h.( 'Go %now how I "eel a!o t love,( Joshie said. The clamorin# voices o tside were switchin# "rom im$atience to a dee$, teena#ed nha$$iness. 'Go dont thin% I sho ld #et romantically involved3( I as%ed. '2eca se I co ld sto$.( 'Im %iddin#, 8enny,( he said, $ nchin# my sho lder, $ain" lly@ nderestimatin# his new yo th" l stren#th. 'Jee), nwind a little. 8ove is #reat "or $<, ,/T<, 8D8, whatever ails yo . ,s lon# as its a #ood, ositive love, witho t s s$icion or hostility. Now, what yo #ot to do is ma%e this healthy ,sian #irl need !ou the way yo need me.( 'Dont let me die, Joshie,( I said. 'I need the dechroni"ication treatments. -hy isnt my name $ on The 2oards3( 'Thin#s are a!o t to chan#e, 5on%ey,( Joshie said. 'I" yo "ollowed /risisNet ho rly in 0ome li%e yo were s $$osed to, yo d %now e=actly what Im tal%in# a!o t.( 'The dollar3( I said hesitantly. 'Cor#et the dollar. Its j st a sym$tom. This co ntry ma%es nothin#. O r assets are worthless. The northern E ro$eans are "i# rin# o t how to deco $le "rom o r economy, and once the ,sians t rn o"" the cash s$i#ot were thro #h. ,nd, yo %now what3 This is all #oin# to !e #reat "or 1ost+< man Aervices4 Cear o" the Dar% ,#es, that totall! raises o r $ro"ile. 5ay!e the /hinese or the

Ain#a$oreans will ! y s o tri#ht. <oward Ah s$ea%s some 5andarin. 5ay!e yo sho ld ta%e some 5andarin classes. Ni hao and all that ja)).( 'Im sorry i" I let yo down !y #oin# to 0ome "or so lon#,( I near+whis$ered. 'I tho #ht may!e I co ld nderstand my $arents !etter i" I lived in E ro$e. A$end some time thin%in# a!o t immortality in a really old $lace. 0ead some !oo%s. 7et some tho #hts down.( Joshie t rned away "rom me. Crom this an#le, I co ld see another side to him, the sli#ht #ray st !!le $rotr din# "rom his $er"ect e## o" a chin@the sli#ht intimations that not all o" him co ld !e reverse+en#ineered into immortality. Get. 'Those tho #hts, these !oo%s, they are the $ro!lem, 0hes s,( he said. 'Go have to sto$ thin%in# and start sellin#. Thats why all those yo n# whi))es in the Eternity 8o n#e want to shove a car!+"illed macaroon $ yo r ass. Ges, I overheard that. I have a new !eta eardr m. ,nd who can !lame them, 8enny3 Go remind them o" death. Go remind them o" a di""erent, earlier version o" o r s$ecies. Dont #et $issed at me, now. 0emem!er, I started o t j st li%e yo . ,ctin#. The h manities. Its the Callacy o" 5erely E=istin#. C5E. Therell !e $lenty o" time to $onder and write and act o t later. 0i#ht now yo ve #ot to sell to live.( The "loodwater was risin#. The !ill had come d e. I was nworthy, always nworthy. 'Im so sel"ish, 7ri))ly 2ear. I wish I co ld have "o nd some more <N-Is "or yo in E ro$e. Jes s /hrist. Do I still have a jo!3( '8ets #et yo readj sted here,( Joshie said. <e to ched my sho lder !rie"ly as he headed "or the door. 'I cant #et yo a des% ri#ht away, ! t I can assi#n yo to Inta%es in the -elcome /enter.( , demotion "rom my $revio s $osition, ! t tolera!le, as lon# as the salary stayed the same. '-e need to #et yo a new I$$IrIt,( he said. 'Go re #oin# to have to learn to s r" the data streams !etter. 8earn to ran% $eo$le 6 ic%er.( I remem!ered 1oint No. D: "voke father-like bond in res onse to olitical situation; 3alk about what ha ened on the lane5 evoke $ewish feelings of terror and in*ustice. 'Joshie,( I said. 'Go sho ld always have yo r I$$IrIt on yo . This $oor "at man on the $lane@( 2 t he was already o t the door, throwin# me a !rie" loo% that commanded me to "ollow. The hordes o" 2rown+Gonsei and 0eed+C dan #rad ates were $on him, each tryin# to o tdo the others in in"ormality &'Joshster4 2 dni%4( '(a i chulo)(*, each holdin# in his or her hands the sol tion to all the $ro!lems o" o r world. <e #ave them tiny !its o" himsel". <e to sled hair. '7wan, yo 4( he said to a Jamaican+seemin# # y who, when yo c t ri#ht down to it, was not Jamaican. I reali)ed we were headin# downstairs, over to the ntamed oasis o" < man 0eso rces, strai#ht to <oward Ah s des%. Ah , a #oddamn relentless immi#rant in the mode o" my janitor "ather ! t with En#lish and #ood !oard scores on his side, was dealin# with three I$$IrIti at once, his call sed "in#erti$s and s$it"ire /hinatown diction a! )) with data and the stron#, d ll ho$e that he was s6 arely in control. <e reminded me o" the time I went to a con"erence on lon#evity in some $rovincial /hinese city. I landed at a j st+! ilt air$ort as !ea ti" l as a coral ree" and no less com$le=, too% one loo% at the sc rryin# masses, the #leamin# insanity in their eyes, at least three men !y the ta=i ran%s tryin# to sell me a so$histicated new nose+hair trimmer &was this what New Gor% had !een li%e at the start o" the twentieth cent ry3*, and tho #ht, '7entlemen, the world is yo rs.( To ma%e matters worse, Ah was not nhandsome, and when he and Joshie hi#h+"ived each other, I "elt the $ reness o" envy, an emotion that n m!ed my "eet and shorted my !reath. 'Ta%e care o" 8en here,( Joshie said to <oward Ah , with j st a thim!le o" conviction. '0emem!er, hes an O7.( I ho$ed he meant Ori#inal 7an#ster and not Old 7 y. ,nd then, !e"ore I co ld la #h at his yo th" l demeanor, at his easy ways, Joshie was #one, headed !ac% into the o$en arms that wo ld receive him wherever, whenever he "elt the need o" their em!race. I sat down across "rom <oward Ah and tried to radiate indi""erence. Crom !ehind the helmet o" his l stro s !lac% hair, Ah did the same. '8eonard,( he said, his ! tton nose a#low, 'Im $ llin# $ yo r "ile.( '1lease do.( 'Go re !ein# doc%ed DE9,;;; y an+$e##ed dollars,( Ah said. '-hat3( 'Go r e=$enses in E ro$e. Go "lew "irst+class everywhere. Thirteen tho sand northern e ros worth o" resveratrol3( 'It was no more than two #lasses a day. 0ed wine only.( 'Thats twenty e ros a #lass. ,nd what the hell is a !idet3( 'I was j st tryin# to do my jo!, <oward. Go cant $ossi!ly@( '1lease,( he said. 'Go did nothin#. Go " c%ed aro nd. -here are the clients3 -hat ha$$ened to that sc l$tor who was Min the !a#3( 'I dont a$$reciate yo r tone.( ',nd I dont a$$reciate yo r ina!ility to do yo r jo!.( 'I tried to sell the 1rod ct, ! t the E ro$eans werent interested. Theyre totally s%e$tical a!o t o r technolo#y. ,nd some o" them act ally want to die.( The immi#rant eyes #lared at me. 'No "ree $ass, 8eonard. No hidin# !ehind Joshies #oodwill. Go #et yo r act to#ether or well !e cond ctin# e=it interviews. Go can %ee$ yo r $revio s salary level, well $ t yo in Inta%es, and yo re $ayin# "or every last meat!all yo ate in 0ome.( I loo%ed !ehind me. 'Dont loo% !ehind yo ,( Ah said. 'Go r $a$as #one. ,nd what the fuck is this3( , red code was "lashin# amidst the steady chrome I$$IrIt data. ',merican 0estoration , thority says yo were "la##ed at the em!assy in 0ome. Now yo #ot the ,0, on yo r tail3 -hat the hell did yo do3( The world too% another s$in and then a t m!le. 'Nothin#4( I cried. 'Nothin#4 I didnt try to hel$ the "at man. ,nd I dont %now any Aomalians. I sle$t with Ca!ri)ia only a "ew times. The otter #ot it all wron#. Its all a scam. The # y videota$ed me on the $lane and I said M-hy3 ,nd now I cant contact Nettie Cine. Do yo %now what theyve done to her3 <er 7lo!alTeens address is deleted. I cant 7lo!alTrace her either.(

'Otter3 Nettie what3 It says here Mmalicio s $rovision o" incom$lete data. C c% it, another mess "or me to clean $. 8et me see yo r I$$IrIt. 7ood " c%in# /hrist. -hat is this, an i1hone3( <e s$o%e into the c "" o" his shirt: 'Kelly, !rin# me a new I$$IrIt "or ,!ramov. 2ill it to Inta%es.( 'I %new it,( I said. 'Its my I$$IrIts "a lt. I j st told Joshie that he sho ld always have his on him. C c%in# 0estoration , thority.( 'Joshie doesnt need an I$$IrIt,( Ah said. 'Joshie doesnt need a damn thin#.( <e stared at me with what co ld have !een nima#ina!le $ity or nima#ina!le hatred, ! t in either case involved $er"ect animal stillness. Kelly Nardl came h ""in# $ the stairs with a new I$$IrIt !o= that was itsel" a rain!ow o" !lin%in# data and noise, a nasal 5id+,tlantic voice somehow em!edded in the card!oard $romisin# me 'D h !erry ladest in 0ate5e tech+nah+l h+#ee.( 'Than%s,( Ah said, and waved Kelly away. Aeven years a#o, !e"ore the mi#hty Ataatlin#+-a$ach n# /or$oration !o #ht Joshie o t "or a #rotes6 e s m o" money, Kelly, <oward, and I sed to occ $y the same r n# o" what was then called a '"lat or#ani)ation,( one witho t titles or hierarchies. I tried to catch Kellys eye, to #et her on my side a#ainst this monster who co ldnt even $rono nce the word '!idet( $ro$erly, ! t she "led <owards des% with nary a sha%e o" her "riendly !ac%side. '8earn how to se this thin# immediatel!,( Ah told me. 'Es$ecially the 0ate5e $art. 8earn to rate everyone aro nd yo . 7et yo r data in order. Awitch on /risisNet and "ollow all the latest. ,n ill+in"ormed salesman is dead in the water these days. 7et yo r mind in the ri#ht $lace. Then well see a!o t $ ttin# yo r name !ac% on The 2oards. Thats all, 8eonard.( It was still the l nch ho r !y my calc lations. I went over to the East 0iver with the I$$IrIt $ac%a#e contin o sly hollerin# nder my arm. I watched nmar%ed !oats !ristlin# with armaments "orm a #ray naval chain "rom the Tri!oro #h down to the -illiams! r# 2rid#e. ,ccordin# to 5edia, the /hinese /entral 2an%er was comin# to ta%e the lay o" o r inde!ted land in a!o t two wee%s, and sec rity all over 5anhattan wo ld !e $ro"o nd "or his visit. I sat down on a hard, wiry chair and stared at the im$ressive all+#lass !eta s%yline o" Q eens, ! ilt way !e"ore o r last dollar deval ation. I o$ened the !o= and too% o t the smooth $e!!le o" the new I$$IrIt, "elt it already warm in my hand. ,n ,sian woman o" E nices cali!er $rojected hersel" at eye level. '<ello,( she said. '-elcome to I$$IrIt N.J with 0ate5e 1l s. -o ld yo li%e to #et started3 -o ld yo li%e to #et started3 -o ld yo li%e to #et started3 J st say Myes and we can #et started.( I owed <oward Ah DE9,;;; y an+$e##ed dollars. 5y "irst sta! at dechroni"ication@#one. 5y hair wo ld contin e to #ray, and then one day it wo ld "all o t entirely, and then, on a day meanin#lessly close to the $resent one, meanin#lessly like the $resent one, I wo ld disa$$ear "rom the earth. ,nd all these emotions, all these yearnin#s, all these data, i" that hel$s to clinch the enormity o" what Im tal%in# a!o t, wo ld !e #one. ,nd thats what immortality means to me, Joshie. It means sel"ishness. 5y #enerations !elie" that each one o" s matters more than yo or anyone else wo ld thin%. There was a commotion on the water, a needed distraction. -ith a ! r!le o" warm white s$ray !ehind it, a north!o nd sea$lane too% o"" so #race" lly, so seemin#ly "ree o" mechanics and des$air, that "or a moment I ima#ined all o r lives wo ld j st #o on "orever. THE NEXT PLANE HOME FROM THE GLOBALTEENS ACCOUNT OF EUNICE PARK

JUNE 9 /<UN7.-ON.1,0K 34 EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: E nhee, Today I wa%e $ sad. 2 t no $ro!lem4 It will !e OK4 Only yo r "ather is very mad at yo . <e say yo !ohemia. -hat is this3 <e say yo #o to rome and yo do not $rotect the mystery. <e call yo !ad word in %orean. <e say yo $ro!a!ly with !lac% man. Ao shoc%in#4 <e say only !ohemia $eo$le #o to E ro$e and !ohemia $eo$le is !ad $eo$le. <e say may!e he sto$ !ein# $odiatrist and !ecome $ainter which is always what he want ! t he #rew $ oldest son so he has res$onsi!ility to his $arent and !rothers. Go are oldest sister. Ao yo have res$onsi!ility. I say this already. -e are not li%e ,merican, dont "or#et4 -hich is why now Korea very rich co ntry and ,merica owe everythin# to /hina $eo$le. Daddy say yo sho ld come home and ta%e 8A,T a#ain ! t this time st dy, ! t may!e Daddy a little wron# !eca se now there is army in the street and it is dan#ero s. 0everend /ho tell Daddy he is sinner and he m st throw away o" himsel", to !e em$ty inside, so his heart will !e "ill only with Jes . ,lso he say he sho ld see A$ecial Doctor to tal% to and may!e ta%e medicine so that he dont hit. 2 t Daddy say it is shame" l to ta%e dr #. E nhee4 1re$are yo rsel" "or 8A,T to ma%e Daddy ha$$y and we can !e #ood "amily a#ain. 1lease "or#ive me !eca se I am !ad mother and !ad wi"e. 8ove, 5ommy EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: Aally, Im ta%in# the ne=t $lane home. A,88GAT,0: Its not so !ad. Dont listen to 5ommy. Ahes tryin# to # ilt yo . Im stayin# over at E nhy ns this whole wee%. Im so ! sy st dyin# "or chem I dont even have time to deal. EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: I" yo cant deal, then whos ta%in# care o" mom3 I" were !oth o t o" the ho se hell start !lamin# her "or EFE0G 8ITT8E T<IN7. <ell say she drove s away and t rned s !oth a#ainst him. Ahes com$letely n+$rotected. Go %now shell never call the $olice or even /o sin <arold i" he hits her.

A,88GAT,0: Dont se that %ind o" lan# a#e, $lease. EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: -hat %ind o" lan# a#e3 That he <ITA her. A,88GAT,0: Ato$ it. ,nyway, I still have dinner there every ni#ht so I %now whats #oin# on. <e hasnt done anythin# major. EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: Not to her, yo mean. -hat a!o t yo 3 A,88GAT,0: Im o%ay. /hem is %illin# me. EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: I %now yo re lyin# to me, Aally. Ill !e on the ne=t $lane !ac% and Ill see what hes done. A,88GAT,0: Atay in 0ome, E nice4 Go deserve to have a #ood time a"ter colle#e. One o" s sho ld !e ha$$y. ,nyway, ne=t wee% Im #oin# to D/ "or that thin# so I wont even see him. Dont worry a!o t 5ommy. /o sin ,n#ela is stayin# over while Im #one. Ahe has jo! interviews in the city. EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: -hat thin# in D/3 The march a#ainst the ,0,3 A,88GAT,0: Ges. 2 t dont call it that. Aome o" the $ro"s at school say we sho ldnt mention it on 7lo!alTeens !eca se they monitor everythin#. EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: Did Daddy call me a #hee jee !eh3 A,88GAT,0: <e had this cra)y ni#ht where he tho #ht yo were slee$in# with a !lac% man. <e said he had a dream a!o t it. Its li%e he cant tell the di""erence !etween dreams and reality anymore. EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: Did yo tell Daddy I hel$ o t at the shelter in 0ome3 Dont tell him its "or tra""ic%ed ,l!anian women. J st say its "or immi#rants, o%ay3 A,88GAT,0: -hy3 EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: I want him to %now Im doin# somethin# #ood. A,88GAT,0: I tho #ht yo didnt care what he thin%s. ,nyway Ive #ot to #o scan te=ts "or E ro /lassics. Dont worry, E nice. 8i"e only ha$$ens once. Enjoy it while yo can4 Ill %ee$ 5om sa"e. Im $rayin# "or all o" s. A,88GAT,0: 2T-, that $ewter / llo !athin# s it is on sale at 1adma. The one with the chest # ards that yo wanted. EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: Im already !iddin# on it on ,ss8 = ry. Ill tell yo i" it #oes over 1;; y an+$e##ed, and then yo can ! y it at 1adma i" its still on sale. JUNE 11 EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D 34 70I882IT/<: <i, 1recio s 1ony. I %now yo re in Tahoe so I dont want to !other yo , ! t thin#s have #otten really !ad with my dad and I thin% Im comin# home. Its li%e the " rther away I am "rom him, the more he thin%s he can #et away with. 7oin# to 0ome was AU/< a mista%e. I dont %now i" I can handle Cort 8ee, ! t I was thin%in# o" crashin# in New Gor% and #oin# over there on wee%ends. 0emem!er that #irl yo were "riends with, the one with the really old+school $erm, Joy 8ee or somethin#3 Does she have a $lace "or me to crash3 I dont really %now anyone in NG, everyones in 8, or a!road. I thin% I mi#ht have to stay over at that old # y 8ennys ho se. <e %ee$s sendin# me these lon# teens a!o t how m ch he loves my "rec%les and how hes #oin# to coo% me an e##$lant. I !ro%e $ with 2en. It was too m ch. <e is so !ea ti" l $hysically, so smart and s ch a risin# star in /redit that I am com$letely intimidated !y him. I can never reveal who I really am to him !eca se he wo ld j st vomit. I %now a $art o" him m st !e dis# sted !y my "at, "at !ody. ,nd sometimes he j st stares o"" into s$ace when I treat him !adly li%e 'I thin% Ive had eno #h o" this cra)y !itch.( Its so sad. Ive !een cryin# "or days now. /ryin# over my "amily and cryin# over 2en. 7od, Im sorry, 1recio s 1ony. Im s ch a downer. The weird thin# is Ive !een thin%in# a!o t 8enny, the old # y. I %now hes #ross $hysically, ! t theres somethin# sweet a!o t him, and honestly I need to !e ta%en care o" too. I "eel sa"e with him !eca se he is so not my ideal and I "eel li%e I can !e mysel" !eca se Im not in love with him. 5ay!e thats how 2en "eels with me. I had this "antasy that I was havin# se= with 8enny and I tried to !loc% o t the #rossness and j st enjoy his very serio s love "or me. <ave yo ever done that, 1ony3 ,m I sellin# mysel" short3 -hen we were wal%in# down this $retty street in 0ome I noticed 8ennys shirt was ! ttoned all wron#, and I j st reached over and re! ttoned it. I j st wanted to hel$ him !e less o" a dor%. Isnt that a "orm o" love too3 ,nd when he was tal%in# to me at dinner, s ally I listen to everythin# a # y says and try to $re$are a res$onse or at least to act a certain way, ! t with him I j st sto$$ed listenin# a"ter a while and loo%ed at the way his li$s moved, the "oam on his li$s and on his dor%y st !!le, !eca se he was so E,0NEAT in the way he needed to tell me thin#s. ,nd I tho #ht, wow, yo re %ind o" !ea ti" l, 8enny. Go re li%e what 1ro" 5ar#a = in ,ssertiveness /lass sed to call 'a real h man !ein#.( I dont %now. I %ee$ #oin# !ac% and "orth on him. Aometimes Im li%e no way, its never #oin# to wor%, Im j st not attracted to him. 2 t then I thin% o" him #oin# down on me ntil he co ld !arely !reathe, the $oor thin#, and the way I co ld j st close my eyes and $retend we were !oth other $eo$le. Oh 7od, listen to me. ,nyway, I miss yo so m ch, 1ony. I really do. /ome to New Gor% $lease4 I need all the love I can #et these days. RATEME PLUS FROM THE DIARIES OF LENNY ABRAMOV

JUNE 1D

Dear Diary, 7od, I miss her. No messa#es "rom my E ny yet, no re$ly to my entreaty to move here and let me ta%e care o" her with #arlic%y carcasses o" e##$lant, with my #rown mans $racticed a""ections, with whats le"t o" my !an% acco nt a"ter <oward Ah doc%s me DE9,;;; y an+$e##ed dollars. 2 t Im $erseverin#. Every day I ta%e o t my handwritten chec%list and remem!er that 1oint No. E im$lores me to 8ove E nice ntil the dreaded 'Dear 8enny( letter $o$s $ on 7lo!alTeens and she r ns o"" with some hot /redit or 5edia # y, some mindless jer% so ta%en with her loo%s he wont even reco#ni)e how m ch this miniat re woman in "ront o" him is in need o" consolation and re$air. 5eanwhile, on the other side o" the led#er, the ,!ramovs %ee$ leavin# all these desolate messa#es on 7lo!alTeens with illiterate s !ject lines readin# 'me and momee sad( and 'me worry( and 'witho t son lai" lonely,( remindin# me that 1oint No. J, 2e Nice to 1arents, has almost come d e. I j st need to "eel a little more sec re a!o t mysel" and my li"e and es$ecially my money@a sore s !ject with the thri"ty ,!ramovs@!e"ore I head o"" to 8on# Island to visit them in their vi!rant ri#ht+win# ha!itat. A$ea%in# o" money, I went to my <A2/ on East 2roadway, where a $retty Dominican #irl with a set o" dyin# teeth #ave me a r ndown o" how my "inancial instr ments were $er"ormin#. In a word, shittily. 5y ,merican5ornin# $ort"olio, even tho #h it had !een $e##ed to the y an, had lost 1; $ercent o" its val e !eca se, n!e%nownst to me, the idiot asset mana#ers had st c% the "ailin# /ol#ate1almoliveG m42randsFiacom/redit al!atross into the mi=, and my low+ris% 20I/ V2ra)il, 0 ssia, India, /hinaW+,+20,/ <i#h+1er"ormin# Nations C nd had re#istered only E $ercent #rowth !eca se o" the ,$ril nrest near 1 tin#rad in 0 ssia and the im$act o" ,mericas invasion o" Fene) ela on the 2ra)ilian economy. 'I "eel li%e Im #oin# to shit a 20I/,( I told 5aria ,!riella, my acco nt re$resentative. 5s. ,!riella !ade me loo% at an old com$ ter screen. I i#nored the "lic%erin# ca$ricio s dollar amo nts and "oc sed on the steady y an+ and e ro+$e##ed denominations. I had somethin# li%e 1,:.J,;;; y an to my name, a "i# re that had !een close to D.J million y an !e"ore I had le"t "or E ro$e. 'Go #ot to$ credit, 5r. 8enny,( she said, in her h s%y, $ac%+an+ho r voice. 'I" yo want to !e $atriotic, yo sho ld ta%e o t a loan and ! y another a$armen as an invesmen.( ,nother a$artment3 I was hemorrhaging " nds. I t rned away "rom 5s. ,!riellas !ea ti" l sea# ll+sha$ed li$s as i" sla$$ed, and let death wash over me, the corned+!ee" smell o" my dam$ nec% #ivin# way to an old mans odor risin# "rom my thi#hs and arm$its li%e steam, and then the "inal $ast+d e stench o" the ,ri)ona hos$ice years, the orderly swa!!in# me down with deter#ent as i" I were some sic%ly ele$hant. 5oney e6 als li"e. 2y my estimation, even the $reliminary !eta dechroni"ication treatments, "or e=am$le, the insertion o" Amart2lood to re# late my ridic lo s cardiovasc lar system, wo ld r n three million y an $er year. -ith each second I had s$ent in 0ome, l stily mindin# the architect re, ra$t ro sly " c%in# Ca!ri)ia, drin%in# and eatin# eno #h daily #l cose to %ill a / !an s #arcane "armer, I had $aved the toll road to my own demise. ,nd now there was only one man who co ld t rn thin#s aro nd "or me. -hich !rin#s me !ac% to 1oint No. 1: -or% <ard "or Joshie. I thin% Im doin# all ri#ht on that "ront. The "irst wee% !ac% at 1ost+< man Aervices is over and nothin# terri!le ha$$ened. <oward Ah hasnt as%ed me to do any Inta%es yet, ! t Ive s$ent the wee% han#in# o t at the Eternity 8o n#e, "iddlin# with my $e!!ly new I$$IrIt N.J with 0ate5e 1l s technolo#y, which I now $ro dly wear $endant+style aro nd my nec%, #ettin# endless $dates on o r co ntrys !attle with solvency "rom /risisNet while downloadin# all my "ears and ho$es in "ront o" my yo n# nemeses in the Eternity 8o n#e, tal%in# a!o t how my $arents love "or me ran too hot and too cold, and how I want and need E nice 1ar% even tho #h shes so m ch $rettier than I deserve@!asically, tryin# to show these o$en+so rce yo n# ns j st how m ch data an old 'intro( #ee)er li%e me is willin# to share. Ao "ar Im #ettin# sho ts o" '#ross( and 'sic%( and 'TI5,TOF,( which Ive learned means Thin% Im ,!o t to O$enly Fomit, ! t I also "o nd o t that Darryl, the # y with the AUK DIK !odys it and the red !andana, has !een $ostin# nice thin#s a!o t me on his 7lo!alTeens stream called '1;1 1eo$le -e Need to Ceel Aorry Cor.( ,t the same time, I heard the tic%a+tic%a+tic%a o" The 2oards as Darryls mood indicator "ell "rom '$ositiveP$lay" lPready to contri! te( to 'annoyin# the hec% o t o" Joshie all wee%.( <is cortisol levels are a mess too. J st a little more stress on his $art and Ill #et my des% !ac%. ,nyway, all this $asses "or $ro#ress, and soon Ill !e hittin# the Inta%es, $rovin# my worth, tryin# to corner the mar%et in Joshies a""ection and reclaim my !i#+man+on+cam$ s stat s in time "or the 8a!or Day tem$eh stir+"ry. ,lso, Ive s$ent an entire wee% witho t readin# any !oo%s or tal%in# a!o t them too lo dly. Im learnin# to worshi$ my new I$$IrIts screen, the color" l $ lsatin# mosaic o" it, the "act that it %nows every last stin%in# detail a!o t the world, whereas my !oo%s only %now the minds o" their a thors. In the meantime, the wee%end came and hallel jah4 I decided to dedicate Aat rday ni#ht to 1oint No. O: /are "or Go r Criends. Joshies ri#ht a!o t one thin#: 7ood relationshi$s ma%e yo healthier. ,nd the $oint is not j st !ein# cared "or, ! t learnin# to ret rn that care. In my case, learnin# to overcome an only childs rel ctance to commit " lly to the world o" others. Now, I havent seen my ! ddies since Ive !een !ac%, !eca se, li%e anyone whos still em$loyed in New Gor%, theyre wor%in# insane ho rs, ! t we "inally made $lans to #et to#ether at /ervi=, the newly hi$ !ar in newly hi$ Ataten Island. 2e"ore I le"t the NO; s6 are "eet o" my a$artment, I $ t the name o" my oldest 5edia $al, Noah -ein!er#, into my I$$IrIt and learned that he wo ld !e airin# o r re nion live on his 7lo!alTeens stream, 'The Noah -ein!er# Ahow4,( which made me nervo s at "irst, ! t, then, this is e=actly the %ind o" thin# I have to #et sed to i" Im #oin# to ma%e it in this world. Ao I $ t on a $air o" $ain" l jeans and a "lamin#+red shirt with a !o 6 et o" white roses em!roidered alon# my chest. I wished E nice were aro nd to tell me i" this was a#e+a$$ro$riate. Ahe seems to have a #ood sense o" li"es limits. Down in the lo!!y, I noticed the am! lances were silently "lashin# their li#hts o t on 7rand Atreet, which meant another death in the ! ildin#, another invitation to sit shiva at a #rievin# sons ho se in Teanec% or New 0ochelle, another a$artment "or sale on the comm nity !oard. , wheelchair stood lonely amidst the antise$tic 19J;s cream+on+cream d[cor o" o r ! ildin#s lo!!y. -ere all a!o t immo!ility here in the Nat rally Occ rrin# 0etirement /omm nity, and so I $re$ared mysel" "or an inter#enerational enco nter, thin%in# I mi#ht have to wheel the old "ellow o t into the early+evenin# s nshine, $rod ce a "ew words o" my

#randmothers Giddish. I !ac%ed away. , !ody !adly sheathed in an o$a6 e $lastic !a# sat in the wheelchair, its head crowned with a $ointy $oc%et o" air. The !ody !a# cl n# vehemently to a $air o" slim male hi$s, and the deceased was h ddled "orward sli#htly, as i" en#a#ed in the "r itless act o" /hristian $rayer. ,n o tra#e4 -here were his care#ivers3 -here were the E5T wor%ers3 I wanted to #et down on my %nees and, a#ainst my !etter instincts, to o""er solace to this "ormer !ein# #rowin# cold in his sic%enin# $lastic ro!e. I !eheld the tiny $oc%et o" air a!ove the dead mans head, as i" it were the vis ali)ation o" his very last !reath, and "elt vomit risin# "rom my !read!as%et. Di))y, I wal%ed o t into the sti"lin# J ne heat toward the am! lance # ys, the !oth o" them enjoyin# a smo%e !y the "lashin# vehicle !earin# the le#end ',merican 5edicle VsicW 0es$onse.( 'Theres a dead $erson in my lo!!y,( I said to them. 'In a " c%in# wheelchair. Go j st le"t it there. Aome res$ect, # ys3( Their "aces were ne#li#i!le, com$romised, va# ely <is$anish. 'Go ne=t o" %in3( one said, noddin# at my vicinity. 'Does it matter3( '<es not #oin# anywhere, sir.( 'Its dis# stin#,( I said. 'Its j st death.( '<a$$ens to every!ody, 1aco,( the other added. I tried to contort my "ace into an#er, ! t whenever I try to do that Im told I loo% li%e a cra)y old woman. 'Im tal%in# a!o t yo r smoking,( I said, my retort dyin# swi"tly in the h midity aro nd s. Nothin# on 7rand co ld o""er me solace. Nothin# co ld ma%e me /ele!rate -hat I <ave &1oint No. .*. Not the inherent li"e inside the !arely clothed 8atino children or the smell o" "reshly coo%ed arro6 con ollo wa"tin# o t o" the venera!le /astillo del Ja# a II. I $rojected 'The Noah -ein!er# Ahow4( a#ain, listened to my "riend ma%in# " n o" o r armed "orces latest de"eat in Fene) ela, ! t I co ldnt "ollow the intricacies. /i dad 2olTvar, Orinoco 0iver, $ierced armor, 2lac%haw% down@what did it mean to me, now that I saw one $ossi!le end to my li"e: alone, in a !a#, in my own a$artment ! ildin#, h nched over in a wheelchair, $rayin# to a #od I never !elieved in3 J st then, $assin# !y the ochre #randiosity o" At. 5arys, I saw a $retty woman, a little ch n%y and wide o" hi$, cross hersel" in "ront o" the ch rch and %iss her "ist, her /redit ran%in# "lashin# at an a!ysmal .N; on a near!y /redit 1ole. I wanted to con"ront her, to ma%e her see the "olly o" her reli#ion, to chan#e her diet, to hel$ her s$end less on ma%e $ and other nonessentials, to ma%e her worshi$ every !iolo#ical moment she was o""ered instead o" some !adly $ nct red deity. I also wanted to %iss her "or some reason, "eel the li"e $ lsin# in those !i# /atholic li$s, remind mysel" o" the $rimacy o" the livin# animal, o" my time amon#st the 0omans. I had to cool my stress levels !y the time I #ot to see my ! ddies. On the way down to the "erry, I chanted 1oint No. O, /are "or Go r Criends, /are "or Go r Criends, !eca se I needed them !y my side when the ,merican 5edicle VsicW 0es$onse am! lance tr ndled $ to JNJ 7rand Atreet. In contravention o" my !elie" that any li"e endin# in death is essentially $ointless, I needed my "riends to o$en $ that $lastic !a# and ta%e one last loo% at me. Aomeone had to remem!er me, i" only "or a "ew more min tes in the vast silent waitin# room o" time. 5y I$$IrIt $in#ed. /risisNet: DO88,0 8OAEA OFE0 E\ IN 8ONDON T0,DIN7 TO CINIA< ,T <IATO0I/ 8O- OC 1] Z S:..O IN ,DF,N/E OC /<INEAE /ENT0,8 2,NKE0 ,00IF,8 U.A.> 8I2O0 0,TE C,88A JN 2,AIA 1OINTA> DO88,0 8O-E0 2G D.E\ ,7,INAT GU,N ,T 1^ Z SO.9; I really needed to "i# re o t what this 8I2O0 thin# was and why it was "allin# !y "i"ty+seven !asis $oints. 2 t, honestly, how little I cared a!o t all these di""ic lt economic details4 <ow des$erately I wanted to "orsa%e these "acts, to o$en a smelly old !oo% or to #o down on a $retty yo n# #irl instead. -hy co ldnt I have !een !orn to a !etter world3 The National 7 ard was o t in "orce at the Ataten Island Cerry ! ildin#. , crowd o" $oor o""ice women wearin# white snea%ers, their #roanin# an%les covered with sheer hose, waited $atiently to wal% $ast a sand!a##ed chec%$oint !y the #ate to the "erry. ,n ,merican 0estoration , thority si#n warned s that 'IT IA CO02IDDEN TO ,/KNO-8ED7E T<E EXIATEN/E OC T<IA /<E/K1OINT &MT<E O2JE/T*. 2G 0E,DIN7 T<IA AI7N GOU <,FE DENIED EXIATEN/E OC T<E O2JE/T ,ND I518IED /ONAENT.( Occasionally, some o" s were $ lled aside, and I worried a!o t the otter "la##in# me in 0ome, the asshole videota$in# me on the $lane, the asteris% that still a$$eared when my mi#hty credit score "lashed on the /redit 1oles, the contin ed disa$$earance o" Nettie Cine &no res$onse to my daily messa#es, and i" they co ld #et my ,merican mama, what co ld they do to my actual $arents3*. 5en in civilian clothes )a$$ed o r !odies and o r I$$IrIti with what loo%ed li%e a small t ! lar attachment o" an old+school Electrol = vac m cleaner and as%ed s !oth to deny and to im$ly consent to what they were doin# to s. The $assen#ers seemed to ta%e the whole thin# in stride, the Ataten Island cool %ids es$ecially silent and de"erential, sha%in# a little in their vinta#e hoodies. I overheard several yo n# men o" color whis$erin# to one another 'deee+ny and im-$ly,( ! t the older women 6 ic%ly sh shed them with !ites o" '0estoration thority4( and '1 nch yo in the mo th, !oy.( 5ay!e it was <oward Ah s doin#, ! t somehow I #ot thro #h the chec%$oint witho t !ein# sto$$ed. Once disem!ar%ed on the Ataten Island side, I !raced mysel" "or a wal%. The main dra#, Fictory 2o levard, ram$s $hill with a Aan Cranciscan vi#or. These $arts o" Ataten Island, At. 7eor#e and Tom$%insville, were once com$letely o"" the #rid. Immi#rants sed to wash $ here "rom 1oland, Thailand, Ari 8an%a, and es$ecially 5e=ico. They wor%ed the store"ronts o" their res$ective ethnic resta rants and also ran d sty #roceries, chec%+cashin# $laces, and twenty+centavo+a+min te $hone !ooths. O tside the stores, !lac% men sed to lo n#e in $ ""y jac%ets, totterin# slee$ily over mil% crates. I remem!er this hood well, !eca se when my ! ddies and I were ri#ht o t o" colle#e wed all ta%e the "erry to raid this s$icy Ari 8an%an joint, where "or nine ! c%s yo co ld eat an insane shrim$ $anca%e and some %ind o" ethereal red "ish while !a!y roaches tried to clam!er $ yo r tro ser le# and drin% yo r !eer. Now, o" co rse, the Ari 8an%an $lace, the roaches, the somnolent minorities were #one, re$laced !y hal"+man, hal"+wireless !ohemians

rammin# their !a!y strollers $ and down the h m$ o" Fictory 2o levard, while %ids "rom near!y New Jersey cr ised $ast the o tra#eo sly $riced Fictorians in their <y ndai rice roc%ets, wishin# they co ld wor% 5edia or /redit. /ervi= is e=actly what yo wo ld e=$ect "rom yet another st $id Ataten Island old mans !ar cleaned $ and t rned into a han#o t "or 5edia and /redit ty$es, "a%e oily $aintin#s "rom !asement rec rooms o" yore, hot women in their early twenties loo%in# to s $$lement their electronic lives, so+so men in des$erately cool clothes scratchin# the $$er+thirty limit and $ shin# dee$ into the ne=t decade. 5y !oys "it the !ill e=actly. There they were, crowded aro nd a ta!le, their I$$IrIti o t, s$ea%in# into their shirt collars while th m!in# /ontent into their $early devices, two c rly, d s%y heads com$letely lost to the world aro nd them: Noah -ein!er# and Fishn /ohen+/lar%, "ellow al mni o" what sed to !e called New Gor% University, that indis$ensa!le local ed cator o" !ri#ht+eno #h women and men, "ellow romantic s ""erers, "ellow lovers o" s$icy words and endless arcana, "ellow travelers down the nder+ l !ricated cra$hole o" li"e. '5y Nee+#roes4( I cried. They did not hear me. '5y Nee+#roes4( Noah j m$ed $, not in the way he sed to !ac% in school, with an am!itio s s$rinters lea$, ! t 6 ic% eno #h to nearly $set the ta!le. -ith that st $id, inevita!le smile, those !la)in# teeth, that s$innin#, lyin# mo th, those #leamin# enth siasts eyes, he t rned the camera no))le o" his I$$IrIt my way to record my l m!erin# arrival. '<eads $, manitos, here he comes4( he sho ted. '7et o t yo r ! tt $l #s and #et ready to #roove. This is a MNoah -ein!er# Ahow4 e#clusive. The arrival o" o r $ersonal n m!er+one Nee+#ro "rom a year o" ! llshit sel"+discovery in 0ome, Italia. -ere streamin# at yo live, "ol%s. <es wal%in# toward o r ta!le in real time4 <es #ot that #oo"y M<ey, Im j st one o" the # ys4 smile. One h ndred si=ty $o nds o" ,sh%ena)i second+#eneration, M5y $arents are $oor immi#rants, so yo #otta love me "lava: 8enny M"rea% and #ee% ,!ramov4( I waved to Noah, and then, hesitantly, to his I$$IrIt. Fishn came at me with o$en arms and with nothin# ! t joy on his "ace, a man $ossessed o" ro #hly the same short+to+avera#e hei#ht &"ive "oot nine* and moral val es as mysel", a man whose choice in women@a tem$ered, !ri#ht yo n# Korean #irl named 7race who also ha$$ens to !e a dear "riend o" mine@I can only second. '8enny,( he said, lin#erin# over the two sylla!les o" my name, as i" they mattered. '-e missed yo , ! ddy.( Those sim$le words made me tear $ and stammer somethin# mildly em!arrassin# into Fishn s ear. <e had on the same AUK DIK !odys it as my yo n# co+wor%er at 1ost+< man Aervices, altho #h his m ))le was #ray and nshaven and his eyes loo%ed tired and IT1, lendin# him a $ro$er a#e. The three o" s h ##ed one another close, in a %ind o" overdone way, to chin# ! ttoc%s and "lailin# at each other #enitally. -e all #rew $ with a "airly tense idea o" male "riendshi$, "or which the $ermissive times now allowed s to com$ensate, and o"ten I wished that o r cr de words and endless $ost rin# were code "or a""ection and nderstandin#. In some male societies, slan# and rit alistic em!races "orm the entire c lt re, alon# with the occasional call to ta%e $ the s$ear. ,s I h ##ed each !oy and $atted him on the sho lder, I noticed that we were s rre$titio sly sni""in# one another "or si#ns o" decay, and that Fishn and Noah were wearin# some %ind o" s$icy deodorant, $erha$s as a way to mas% their chan#in# scent. -e had each em!ar%ed on o r very late thirties, a time when the !ravado o" yo th and the $romise o" #lorio s e=$loits that had once held s to#ether wo ld !e#in to "ade, as o r !odies !e#an to shed, slac%en, and shrin%. -e were still as "riendly and carin# as any #ro $ o" men co ld !e, ! t I s rmised that even the sh ""le toward e=tinction wo ld $rove com$etitive "or s, that some o" s mi#ht sh ""le "aster than others. '<arm 0ed ction time,( Fishn said. I still co ldnt "i# re o t what the hell <arm 0ed ction meant, altho #h the yo th in the Eternity 8o n#e co ldnt sh t $ a!o t it. '-hat does the wanderin# Jew+Nee+#ro want3 8e""e 2r ne or 8e""e 2londe3( '2londe me,( I said, tossin# a twenty+dollar !ill !earin# the silver a thenticity stri$e and the holo#ra$hic words '2ac%ed !y _hon## o 0enmin Ginhan#P1eo$les 2an% o" /hina,( ho$in# the drin%s were n$e##ed to the y an, so that I co ld collect some serio s chan#e. The money was $rom$tly thrown !ac% at me, and I enjoyed Fishn s %ind smile. 'Nee+#ro, $lease,( he said. Noah too% an orators dee$, rehearsed !reath. 'O%ay, utas and huev>ns. Im still streamin# ri#ht at yo . Ei#ht $.m. on the dot. Its 0 !enstein time in ,merica. Its a mother" c%in# 2i$artisan evenin# here in the 1eo$les 0e$ !lic o" Ataten Island, and 8enny ,!ramov has j st ordered a 2el#ian !eer "or seven y an+$e##ed dollars.( Noah aimed his I$$IrIts camera no))le at me, mar%in# me as the s !ject "or his evenin# news se#ment. 'The Nee+#ro m st tell all,( Noah said. 'The ret rnin# Nee+#ro m st eh+*ew+m h+cate o r viewers. Atart with the women yo ve done in Italy.( <e switched to a "alsetto voice: 'MC c%+ah me+ah, 8eonardo4 C c%+ah me now+ah, yo !ee#+ah hee!+ah4 Then #ive s the $asta lowdown. Fer!al at me, 8enny. Ahoot me an Ima#e o" a lonely ,!ramov sl r$in# $ noodles at the nei#h!orhood trat. Then the whole ret rn+o"+ the+$rodi#al+Nee+gro shit. -hats it li%e to !e a #entle, ns s$ectin# 8enny ,!ramov j st !ac% to 0 !ensteins one+$arty ,merica3( Noah hadnt always !een this an#ry and ca stic, ! t there was somethin# dis$ro$ortionate a!o t his e""orts these days, as i" he co ld no lon#er %ee$ trac% o" how his $ersonal decline $aralleled that o" o r c lt re and state. 2e"ore the $ !lishin# ind stry "olded, he had $ !lished a novel, one o" the last that yo co ld act ally #o o t and ! y in a 5edia store. 8ately he did 'The Noah -ein!er# Ahow4,( which had a #rand total o" si= s$onsors, whom he str ##led to mention cas ally thro #ho t his rants@a medi m+ si)ed escort service in Q eens, several ThaiAna% "ranchises in 2rownstone 2roo%lyn, a "ormer 2i$artisan $olitician who now ran sec rity cons ltin# "or -a$ach n# /ontin#ency, the well+armed sec rity division o" my em$loyer, and I cant remem!er the rest. The show #ot hit a!o t "i"teen tho sand times a day, which $ t him somewhere in the lower+middle echelon o" 5edia $ro"essionals. <is #irl"riend, ,my 7reen!er#, is a $retty well+%nown 5ediawhore who s$ends a!o t seven ho rs a day streamin# a!o t her wei#ht. ,s "or Fishn , my ! ddy does De!t 2om!in# "or /ol#ate1almoliveG m42randsFiacom/redit, han#in# aro nd street corners and )a$$in# $eo$les I$$IrIti with Ima#es o" themselves ta%in# on more de!t. /o rtesy o" the De!t 2om!er, three wheaty !eers, hi#h in tri#lycerides, were smac%ed on the ta!le. I !e#an my de!rie"in#, tryin# to entertain the !oys with stories o" my " nny, dirty, crossc lt ral romance with Ca!ri)ia, drawin# with my "in#ers the o tlines o" her ! sh. I san# lyrical a!o t the "resh #arlic tan# o" old+world rag? and tried to inc lcate them with a love o" the 0oman arch. 2 t the tr th was, they didnt care. The world they needed was ri#ht aro nd them, "lic%erin# and !lee$in#, and it demanded every !it o"

stren#th and attention they co ld s$are. Noah, the one+time novelist, co ld $ro!a!ly thin% o" 0ome in nonimmediate terms, co ld conj re $ Aeneca and Fir#il, 3he 'arble %aun and 2ais! 'iller. 2 t even he seemed nim$ressed, #lancin# im$atiently at his I$$IrIt, which was alive with at least seven de#rees o" in"ormation, n m!ers and letters and Ima#es stac%ed on the screen, "lowin# and eddyin# a#ainst one another as the waters o" the Ti!er once did. '-ere losin# hits,( he whis$ered to me. 'I=+nay on the 0ome+ay, o%ay3( ,nd then, in a really low voice: '< mor and $olitics. 7ot it3( I c t short a descri$tion o" the 1antheons em$ty s$ace drenched with early+mornin# s nli#ht, as Noah $ointed the cl m$ed remains o" his "rontal hair at me and said: ',ll ri#ht, heres the sit ation, Nee+#ro. Go have to " c% either 5other Teresa or 5ar#aret Thatcher.B( Fishn and I la #hed j st the ri#ht amo nt and smiled at o r leader. I raised my hands in de"eat. This is the only way men co ld tal% anymore. This is how we told one another that we were still "riends and that o r lives were not entirely over. '5a##ie Thatcher i" its missionary,( I said. 'De"initely 5other Teresa "rom !ehind.( 'Go are so 5edia,( Noah said, and we smac%ed "ists. Crom there the conversation moved on to 3hreads, a c lt 22/ n clear+holoca st "ilm, then over to the m sic o" early Dylan, then a new way o" "i#htin# #enital warts with a %ind o" smart "oam, Aecretary o" Atate 0 !ensteins latest ! n#lin# in Fene) ela &'nothin# more o=ymoronic than a Jewish stron#man, am I ri#ht, ende*os3( Noah said*, the near colla$se o" ,llied-aste/FA/iti#ro $/redit, the ens in# "ailed !ailo t !y the Ced, o r "alterin# $ort"olios, the 'wah+w h( so nd o" the doors closin# on the . train vers s the resi#ned 'sheeesh( so nd on the 8, the li"e and !i)arre death o" the deviant comic %nown as 1ee+wee <erman, and "inally, ine=ha sti!ly, the "act that, li%e most ,mericans, we wo ld $ro!a!ly lose o r jo!s soon and !e thrown o t onto the streets to die. 'I co ld eat, li%e, a do)en o" those ThaiAna% Issan lar! chic%en salads ri#ht a!o t now,( Noah said, in de"erence to one o" his s$onsors. ,s the retro so nd system went into an old ,rcade Cire t ne, I let mysel" #et co)y with another #lass o" "oamin# ale, o!servin# the !oys on a meta+level. Noah had a#ed worst o" all. The wei#ht had seemin#ly tric%led "rom his thic%, !rainy "orehead down into his jowls, where it ji##led ino$$ort nely, #ivin# him an a"ter#low o" an#er and dissatis"action. ,t one time he was clearly the most handsome and s ccess" l o" o r n m!er, he had introd ced s to hal" the #irl"riends we ever had &not that many, to !e s re*, had #iven s o r ed#y racial voca! lary, and had %e$t s $dated with a do)en messa#es an ho r on how we sho ld act and what we sho ld thin%. 2 t with every year it was #ettin# harder to %ee$ me and Fishn in chec%. The almost+"orties, once the " lcr m o" ad lthood, was now a time o" e=$loration, and each o" the !oys had str c% o t on his own. Fishn was settlin# into the li"e o" a smart, "ancy loser, the AUK DIK !odys it and vinta#e 2athin# ,$e snea%ers that m st have cost "ive h ndred y an, an overea#erness to la #h too hard at others jo%es with a stran#e new hon%in# so nd that had develo$ed in my a!sence@ha+huh, ha+huha la #hter !orn o" a li"e o" diminishin# ret rns that, Ive !een told, wo ld mirac lo sly end in marria#e to a lovin#, "or#ivin# woman named 7race. ,s "or me, I was now the odd man o t. It wo ld ta%e a while "or my !oys to #et sed to my ret rn. They #lanced at me stran#ely, as i" I had nlearned En#lish, or re$ diated o r common way o" li"e. I was already somethin# o" a weirdo "or livin# all the way o t in 5anhattan. Now I had wasted an entire year and a #ood ch n% o" my savin#s in E ro$e. ,s a "riend, a well+res$ected mem!er o" the technolo#ical elite, and, yes, a "ellow 'Nee+#ro,( I needed to reclaim my $rime $osition amon# the !oys as a %ind o" alternate Noah. I needed to re$lant mysel" on native soil. The three thin#s I had #oin# "or me: an in!red 0 ssian willin#ness to #et dr n% and ch mmy, an in!red Jewish willin#ness to la #h strate#ically at mysel", and, most im$ressively, my new I$$IrIt. 'Damn, cabr>n,( Noah said, eyein# my $e!!le. '-h ddat, a N.J with 0ate5e 1l s3 Im #oin# to stream that shit " c%in# close+ $.( <e "ilmed my I$$IrIt with his I$$IrIt, while I swallowed another m # o" tri#lycerides. Aome Ataten Island #irls had shown $, wearin# trendy retro clothes "rom some $oint in my yo th, loo%in# very 5edia in their shee$y U## !oots and rhinestone+encr sted !andanas, a "ew o" them mi=in# the old+school d ds with Onions%in jeans which cl n# trans$arently to their thin le#s and $l m$, $in% !ottoms, revealin# to s all o" their shaven secrets. They were also loo%in# o r way, scrollin# their devices, one o" them a $retty !r nette with !ea ti" l slee$y eyes. '8ets " c%,( Fishn said, $ointin# in their direction. 'Jee), cool it, Nee+#ro,( I said, already sl rrin# my words. 'Go ve #ot a little c tie at home.( I loo%ed directly into the camera no))le o" Noahs I$$IrIt: 'A $, 7race. 8on# time no see, !a!y #irl. Go watchin# this live3( The !oys la #hed at me. '-hat an idiot4( Noah cried. 'Did yo hear that, !eloved coc%s c%in# a dience3 8enny ,!ramov tho #ht Fishn /ohen+/lar% j st said, M8ets fuck.( 'Its C+,+/,( Fishn e=$lained. 'I said, M8ets C,/.( '-hat does that mean3( '<e so nds li%e my #ranny in ,vent ra4( Noah was !ellowin#. 'MC,/3 -hats that3 -ho am I3 -heres my dia$er3( 'It means MCorm , /omm nity,( Fishn said. 'Its, li%e, a way to j d#e $eo$le. ,nd let them j d#e yo .( <e too% my I$$IrIt, and slid some settin#s ntil an icon la!eled 'C,/( dri"ted onto the screen. '-hen yo see C,/, yo $ress the Emote1ad to yo r heart, or wherever it can "eel yo r $ lse.( Fishn $ointed o t the stic%y thin# on the !ac% o" my I$$IrIt that I tho #ht co ld !e sed to attach it to a dash!oard or a "rid#e. -ron# a#ain. 'Then,( Fishn contin ed, 'yo loo% at a #irl. The Emote1ad $ic%s $ any chan#e in yo r !lood $ress re. That tells her how m ch yo want to do her.( ',ll ri#ht, 5ediast ds and 5ediawhores,( Noah said. '-ere streamin# live here as 8enny ,!ramov tries to C,/ "or the "irst time. This is a " t re+re"erence event, "ol%s, so widen yo r !andwidth. This is li%e the -ri#ht !rothers learnin# to "ly, e=ce$t neither o" them was mildly retarded li%e o r !oy 8enny here. J2C, Nee+#ro. Tell me i" Im #oin# too "ar. Or wait. Theres no s ch thin# as too

far in 0 !ensteins ,merica. Too "ar is when yo re shot in the !ac% o" the head somewhere U$state and the National 7 ard ! rns yo r !ody to a cris$ and "l shes the ashes down a cold winters $ort+a+$otty at some Aec re Acreenin# Cacility in Troy. 8ennys loo%in# at me li%e @hat are !ou talking about& <eres the !rea%down on what yo ve missed d rin# yo r Mj nior year a!road, 8enny+ !oy: The 2i$artisans r n the ,merican 0e" nd ,#ency, or whatever the " c% its called, the ,0, r ns the in"rastr ct re and the National 7 ard, and the National 7 ard r ns !ou. Oo$s. Not s $$osed to mention that on 7lo!alTeens. 5ay!e I have #one too "ar4( I noticed Fishn movin# his head o t o" the "rame o" Noahs I$$IrIts camera no))le at the mention o" the ,0, and the 2i$artisans. 'O%ay, Nee+#ro,( he said to me. 'Aet $ yo r /omm nity 1arameters. 5a%e it MImmediate A$ace E.;@thatll cover the whole !ar. Now loo% at a #irl, then $ress the $ad to yo r heart.( I loo%ed at the $retty !r nette, at the hairless crotch #lowin# "rom within her see+thro #h Onions%in jeans, at the lithe !ody cro ched im$erio sly ato$ a set o" smooth le#s, at her worried smile. Then I to ched my heart with the !ac% o" my I$$IrIt, tryin# to "ill it with my warmth, my nat ral desire "or love. The #irl across the !ar la #hed immediately witho t even t rnin# my way. , ! nch o" "i# res a$$eared on my screen: 'CU/K,2I8ITG N:;P:;;, 1E0AON,8ITG :;;P:;;, ,N,8PO0,8PF,7IN,8 10ECE0EN/E 1PEPD.( 'C c%a!ility N:;4( Noah said. '1ersonality :;;4 1eeeetl 8enny ,!ramovs #ot himsel" a beeeeeg cr sh.( '2 t I dont even %now her $ersonality,( I said. ',nd how does it %now my anal $re"erences3( 'The $ersonality score de$ends on how Me=tro she is,( Fishn e=$lained. '/hec% it o t. This #irl done #ot three tho sand? $l s Ima#es, ei#ht h ndred streams, and a lon# m ltimedia thin# on how her "ather a! sed her. Go r I$$IrIt r ns that a#ainst the st "" yo ve downloaded a!o t yo rsel" and then it comes $ with a score. 8i%e, yo ve dated a lot o" a! sed #irls, so it %nows yo re into that shit. <ere, let me see yo r $ro"ile.( Fishn slid some other " nctions, and my $ro"ile shimmered on my warm $e!!ly screen. LENNY ABRAMOV _I1 code 1;;;D, New Gor%, New Gor%. Income avera#ed over "ive+year+s$an, SD:9,OD;, y an+$e##ed, within to$ 19 $ercent o" U.A. income distri! tion. / rrent !lood $ress re 1D; over N;. O+ty$e !lood. Thirty+nine years o" a#e, li"es$an estimated at ei#hty+three &ON $ercent li"es$an ela$sed> JE $ercent remainin#*. ,ilments: hi#h cholesterol, de$ression. 2orn: 11E.N _I1 code, Cl shin#, New Gor%. Cather: 2oris ,!ramov, !orn 5oscow, <oly1etro0 ssia> 5other: 7alya ,!ramov, !orn 5ins%, FassalAtate 2elar s. 1arental ailments: hi#h cholesterol, de$ression. ,##re#ate wealth: S9,EJE,;;; non+y an+$e##ed, real estate, JNJ 7rand Atreet, Unit E+.;N, S1,1J;,;;; y an+$e##ed. 8ia!ilities: mort#a#e, SJ.;,EE;. A$endin# $ower: S1,D;;,;;; $er year, non+y an+ $e##ed. /ons mer $ro"ile: heterose= al, nonathletic, nona tomotive, nonreli#io s, non+2i$artisan. Ae= al $re"erences: low+ " nctionin# ,sianPKorean and -hitePIrish ,merican with 8ow Net -orth "amily !ac%#ro nd> child+a! se indicator: on> low+sel"+ esteem indicator: on. 8ast $ rchases: !o nd, $rinted, nonstreamin# 5edia arti"act, EJ northern e ros> !o nd, $rinted, nonstreamin# 5edia arti"act, S1D. y an+$e##ed> !o nd, $rinted, nonstreamin# 5edia arti"act, EN northern e ros.'Go ve #ot to sto$ ! yin# !oo%s, Nee+#ro,( Fishn said. ',ll those doorsto$s are #oin# to dra# down yo r 1E0AON,8ITG ran%in#s. -here the " c% do yo even "ind those thin#s3( '8enny ,!ramov, last reader on earth4( Noah cried. ,nd then, starin# directly into his I$$IrIts camera no))le: '-ere C,/in# $retty hard now, $eo$le. -ere #ettin# 8ennys 0ate5e on.( Atreams o" data were now "i#htin# "or time and s$ace aro nd s. The $retty #irl I had j st C,/ed was $rojectin# my 5,8E <OTNEAA as 1D; o t o" :;;, 1E0AON,8ITG OJ;, and somethin# called AUAT,IN,2I8IT^ at .E;. The other #irls were sendin# me similar "i# res. 'Damn,( Noah said. 'The $rodi#al Nee+#ro ,!ramov is #ettin# creamed here. 8oo%s li%e the chicas, they no li%ey that !i# <e!raic snor%el o r !oy was !orn with. ,nd those "la!!y <adassah arms. O%ay, ran% him $, Fish.( Fishn wor%ed my I$$IrIt ntil some 0,NKIN7A came $. <e hel$ed me navi#ate the data. 'O t o" the seven males in the /omm nity,( he said, #est rin# aro nd the !ar, 'Noahs the third hottest, Im the "o rth hottest, and 8ennys the seventh.( 'Go mean Im the #liest # y here3( I ran my "in#ers thro #h the remnants o" my hair. '2 t yo ve #ot a decent $ersonality,( Fishn com"orted me, 'and yo re second in the whole !ar in terms o" AUAT,IN,2I8IT^.( ',t least o r 8ennys a #ood rovidah,( Noah said. I remem!ered the DE9,;;; y an+$e##ed dollars I owed to <oward Ah and !ecame even more de$ressed !y the $ros$ect o" !ein# de$rived o" them. 5oney and /redit was a!o t all I had at this $oint. That, and my s$ar%lin# 1E0AON,8ITG. Fishn was $ointin# at the #irls with his inde= "in#er, inter$retin# the data streams that were !y now the s m total o" o r attention: 'The one on the le"t, with the scar on her an%le and that little landin# stri$ on her m "", 8ana 2eets, she went to /hica#o 8aw, now has a 0etail internshi$ at Aaaami 2ras, ma%in# ei#hty tho sand y an+$e##ed. The one with the la!ia st d, names ,nnie Ah lt)+<ei%, wor%s in 0etail, shes #ot the smart "oam "or the #enital warts and is on the $ill, and last year she #ave three tho sand y an to the 2i$artisan 1artys Go n# C t re 8eaders o" ,merica To#ether -ell A r$rise the -orld C nd.( ,nnie was the #irl I had C,/ed "irst. The one who had !een alle#edly a! sed !y her dad and ran%ed my 5,8E <OTNEAA a mea#er 1D; o t o" :;;. 'Thats ri#ht, ,nnie,( Noah said into his I$$IrIt. 'Fote 2i$artisan and yo r warts will melt away "aster than o r co ntrys soverei#n de!t ratin#. Theyll disa$$ear li%e o r troo$s down in /i dad 2olTvar. 0 !enstein time in ,merica, "ol%s. 0 !enstein time.( I went to #et some !eers, $assin# the #irls on the way, ! t they were too ! sy loo%in# at ran%in#s. The !ar was "illin# $ with Aenior /redit # ys in ta$ered chinos and o="ords. I "elt s $erior to them, ! t my 5,8E <OTNEAA was swi"tly "allin# to last $lace o t o" thirty+seven, thirty+ei#ht, thirty+nine, "orty males. -al%in# $ast ,nnie, I clic%ed on her /hild ,! se 5 ltimedia, lettin# the so nd o" her screamin# vi!rate my eardr ms as a $i=elated disem!odied hand hovered a!ove an Ima#e o" her na%ed !ody and the screamin# se# ed into what so nded li%e a h ndred mon%s chantin# the mantra '<e touched me here, he touched me here, he touched me here, he touched me here.( I t rned in ,nnies direction with my le"t li$ crin%led in sadness and my !row heavy with em$athy, ! t the words '8oo% away 6 ic%ly, dor%,( a$$eared on my I$$IrIt. '<air+trans$lant time "or 0,73( another #irl wrote. &'0a$idly a#in# #ee)er,( accordin# to my electronic $e!!le.* 'I can smell the DO "rom here.( &'Dic% odor,( my I$$IrIt hel$" lly told me.* ,nd the sli#htly consolin#:

'Nice ^^^, 1o$s.( The !ar was now tterly a"lash with smo%y data s$illin# o t o" a total o" "i"ty+nine I$$IrIti, .: $ercent o" them !elon#in# to the male o" the s$ecies. The masc line data scrolled on my screen. O r avera#e income hovered at a res$ecta!le ! t not es$ecially $li"tin# 19;,;;; y an+$e##ed dollars. -e were loo%in# "or #irls who a$$reciated s "or who we were. -e had a!sent "athers, who sometimes were not a!sent eno #h. , man ran%ed #lier than me wal%ed in and, ascertainin# his chances, t rned ri#ht aro nd. I wanted to "ollow his !ald, creased head o t o" the !ar into the all+"or#ivin# s mmer air, ! t instead #ot a do !le whis%ey "or mysel", alon# with two 8e""e 2r nes. ',"ter #ettin# his ass handed to him !y the 0ate5e 1l s, 8enny ,!ramov is t rnin# to drin%,( Noah intoned. 2 t $on seein# the dee$ hamster " n% o" my e=$ression, he said, 'Its #oin# to !e o%ay, 8enny. -ell #et yo all "i=ed $ with the !itches. Go ll "ind the mercy in this r de data stream.( Fishn had his hand on my sho lder and was sayin#, '-e really care a!o t yo , ! ddy. <ow many o" these Aenior /redit assholes can say that3 -ell #et yo r ran%in#s $, even i" we have to slice an inch o"" yo r nose.( Noah: ',nd add one to yo r Johnson.( '<a+huh,( Fishn la #hed, sadly. I a$$reciated the sentiments, ! t I "elt !ad receivin# their %indness. The $oint was "or me to care "or them. That wo ld hel$ lower my stress $ro"ile and do wonders "or my ,/T< levels. 5eanwhile, the do !le whis%ey and the slow tri#lyceride death it $ortended had s n% into the last com$artment o" my stomach, and the world was $rojectin# at me in an an#ry way. 'E nice 1ar%4( I wailed into Noahs I$$IrIt. 'E nice, honey. /an yo hear me o t there3 I miss yo so m ch.( '-ere streamin# these emotions live, "ol%s,( Noah said. '-ere streamin# 8ennys love "or this #irl E nice 1ar% in real time. -ere M"eelin# the many levels o" his $ain j st as he "eels them.( ,nd I started to !la!!er a!o t how m ch she meant to me. '-e were sittin# in this resta rant in Fia 7i lia, or some$lace.B( '8osin# hits, losin# hits,( Noah whis$ered. 'No "orei#n words. / t to chase.( 'B ,nd she j st. Ahe reall! listened to me. Ahe $aid attention to me. Ahe never even loo%ed at her I$$IrIt while I was s$ea%in# to her. I mean we were mostly eatin#. <ucatini all AB '8osin# hits, losin# hits.( '1asta. 2 t when we werent eatin#, we were sayin# ever!thing a!o t o rselves, who we were, where we come "rom. Ahes an an#ry #irl. Go d !e too i" yo were her. ,ll the shit shes had to $ t $ with. 2 t she wants to #et to %now me !etter, and she wants to hel$ me, and I want to care "or her. I thin% she wei#hs, li%e, seventy $o nds. Ahe sho ld eat more. Ill ma%e her e##$lant. Ahe showed me how to !r sh my teeth.( 'Atreamin# these emotions live,( Noah re$eated. 'Go re the "irst to hear them, atos. Atrai#ht "rom the ,!ramovs mo th. <es ver!allin#. <es emotin#. 2 t Im #ettin# a messa#e "rom a hoser in -indsor, Ontario. <e wants to %now, did yo " c% her, 8enny3 Did yo stic% yo r thin#ie inside her ti#ht snatch3 Ci"teen tho sand so ls a!sol tely need to %now ri#ht now or theyll #et their news elsewhere.( '-ere s ch an nli%ely co $le, so nli%ely,( I was cryin#, '!eca se shes !ea ti" l, and Im the "ortieth+ #liest man in this !ar. 2 t so what4 Ao what4 -hat i" someday she lets me %iss each one o" her "rec%les a#ain3 Ahe has li%e a million. 2 t every one o" them means somethin# to me. Isnt this how $eo$le sed to "all in love3 I %now were livin# in 0 !ensteins ,merica, li%e yo %ee$ sayin#. 2 t doesnt that j st ma%e s even more res$onsi!le "or each others "ates3 I mean, what i" E nice and I j st said Mno to all this. To this !ar. To this C,/in#. The two o" s. -hat i" we j st went home and read !oo%s to each other3( 'Oh 7od,( Noah #roaned. 'Go j st halved my viewer load. Go re %illin# me here, ,!ramov.B O%ay, "ol%s, were streamin# live here in 0 !ensteins ,merica, )ero ho r "or o r economy, )ero ho r "or o r military mi#ht, )ero ho r "or everythin# that sed to ma%e s $ro d to !e o rselves, and 8enny ,!ramov wont tell s i" he " c%ed this tiny ,sian chic%.( In the !athroom ne=t to a #ra""ito enco ra#in# the $isser to 'Fote 2ise= al, Not 2i$artisan,( and the 6 i))ical '<arm 0ed ction 0ed ced 5y Dic%,( I let #o o" several o nces o" 2el#ian ale and the "ive #lasses o" al%ali)ed water Id had !e"ore leavin# my ho se. Fishn sidled $ to me. 'T rn o"" yo r I$$IrIt,( he said. '< h3( <e reached over and yan%ed my $endant into the o"" $osition. <is eyes loc%ed with mine, and even thro #h the mist o" my own dr n%enness I noticed that my "riend was !asically so!er. 'I thin% Noah may !e ,0,,( he whis$ered. '-hat3( 'I thin% hes wor%in# "or the 2i$artisans.( ',re yo cra)y3( I said. '-hat a!o t MIts 0 !enstein time in ,merica3 -hat a!o t the )ero ho r3( 'Im j st tellin# yo , watch what yo say aro nd him. Es$ecially when hes streamin# his show.( 5y rination sto$$ed o" its own accord, and my $rostate "elt very sore. +are for !our friends0 care for !our friends, the mantra re$eated itsel". 'I dont nderstand,( I m ttered. '<es still o r "riend, ri#ht3( '1eo$le are !ein# "orced into all %inds o" thin#s now,( Fishn said. <e lowered his voice even " rther. '-ho %nows what they #ot him "or. <is /redit ran%in#s !een #oin# to shit ever since he started doin# ,my 7reen!er#. <al" o" Ataten Island is colla!oratin#. Everyones loo%in# "or !ac%in#, "or $rotection. Go watch, i" the /hinese ta%e over, Noah will !e s c%in# $ to them. Go sho ld have stayed in 0ome, 8enny. C c% that immortality ! llshit. ,int #oin# to ha$$en "or yo anyway. 8oo% at s. -ere not <N-Is.( '-ere not 8ow Net -orth either4( I $rotested. 'That dont matter. -ere $oster children "or <arm 0ed ction. This city has no se "or s. They $rivati)ed the 5T, last

month. Theyre #oin# to %noc% down the $rojects. Even yo r "ancy Jew $rojects. -ell !e livin# in Erie, 1ennsylvania, !y the time this decades over.( <e m st have noticed the lethal nha$$iness dis"i# rin# my e=$ression. <e )i$$ed $ and $atted my !ac%. 'That was some #ood emotin# a!o t E nice in there,( he said. 'Thatll #et yo r 1E0AON,8ITG ran%in# hi#her. ,nd who %nows a!o t Noah3 5ay!e Im wron#. 2een wron# !e"ore. 2een wron# lots, my "riend.( 2e"ore my melancholy co ld #et the !est o" me, Fishn s #irl"riend, 7race Kim, showed $ to dra# him homeward, to their $leasant, air+conditioned Ataten Island a!ode, ma%in# me $ine in a heart!rea%in# way "or E nice. I stared at 7race with a need !orderin# on #rie". There she was: intelli#ently, creatively, timidly dressed &no Onions%in jeans to show o"" her slender #oods*, " ll o" $ro#rammed intentions and steady, interestin# $lans, hardwired "or marria#e to her l c%y !ea , ready to !ear those !ea ti" l E rasian %ids that seem to !e the last children le"t in the city. ,lon# with Noah, I was invited to Fishn and 7races ho se "or a ni#htca$, ! t I claimed jet la# and !ade everyone "arewell. They were sweet eno #h to wal% me to the "erry station, altho #h not sweet eno #h to !rave the National 7 ard chec%$oint with me. I was d ly searched and $o%ed !y tired, !ored soldiers. I denied and im$lied everythin#. I said, in answer to some meta$hysical 6 estion, 'I j st want to #o home.( It wasnt the ri#ht answer, ! t a !lac% man with a little #olden cross amid his $altry chest hairs too% $ity on me and let me !oard the vessel. The ran%in#s o" other $assen#ers swe$t across the !ow, the #ly, r ined men emotin# their desire and des$air over the rail and into the dar%, relentless waves. , $in% mist hovered over the mostly residential area once %nown as the Cinancial District, castin# everythin# in the $ast tense. , "ather %e$t %issin# his tiny sons head over and over with a sad insistence, ma%in# those o" s with !ad $arents or no $arents "eel even more lonely and alone. -e watched the silho ettes o" oil tan%ers, # essin# at the warmth o" their holds. The city a$$roached. The three !rid#es connectin# 2roo%lyn and 5anhattan, one lon# nec%lace o" li#ht, #rad ally di""erentiated themselves. The Em$ire Atate e=tin# ished its crown and t c%ed itsel" away !ehind a lesser ! ildin#. On the 2roo%lyn side, the #old+ti$$ed -illiams! r# Aavin#s 2an%, cornered !y the hal"+! ilt, a!andoned #lass #iants aro nd it, 6 ietly #ave s the "in#er. Only the !an%r $t 'Creedom( Tower, em$ty and stern in $ro"ile, li%e an an#ry man risen and ready to $ nch, cele!rated itsel" thro #ho t the ni#ht. Every ret rnin# New Gor%er as%s the 6 estion: Is this still my city3 I have a ready answer, cloa%ed in o!stinate des$air: It is. ,nd i" its not, I will love it all the more. I will love it to the $oint where it !ecomes mine a#ain. FIRE UP THAT EGGPLANT FROM THE GLOBALTEENS ACCOUNT OF EUNICE PARK

JUNE 13 8EON,0DO D,20,5OFIN/I 34 EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D: Oh, hi there. Its 8enny ,!ramov. ,#ain. Im sorry to !e !otherin# yo . I teened yo a little while !ac% and I didnt hear "rom yo . Ao I # ess yo re ! sy and there m st !e all these annoyin# # ys !otherin# yo all the time and I dont want to !e another dor% who sends yo #lad tidin#s every min te. ,nyway, I j st wanted to warn yo that I was on my "riends stream called The Noah -ein!er# Ahow4 and I was really really -,ATED and I said all those thin#s a!o t yo r "rec%les and how we had ! catini allamatriciana to#ether at da Tonino and a!o t how I $ict red s readin# !oo%s to each other one day. E nice, I am so sorry to dra# yo r name thro #h the m d li%e this. I j st #ot carried away and was "eelin# $retty sad !eca se I miss yo and wish we co ld %ee$ in to ch more. I %ee$ thin%in# a!o t that ni#ht we s$ent in 0ome, a!o t every min te o" it, and I # ess its !ecome li%e this "o ndation myth "or me. Ao Im tryin# to sto$ it and thin% a!o t other thin#s li%e my jo!P"inancial sit ation, which is very com$licated ri#ht now, and my $arents, who are not as di""ic lt as yo rs ! t lets j st say were not a ha$$y "amily either. 7od, I dont %now why I j st constantly want to o$en $ to yo . ,#ain, Im sorry i" I em!arrassed yo with that ridic lo s stream and with the st "" a!o t yo readin# !oo%s. &Atill* Go r Criend &ho$e" lly*, 8enny JUNE 14 EUNI+T,0D ,20O,D 34 8EON,0DO D,20,5OFIN/I: O%ay, 8eonard. Cire $ that e##$lant, I thin% Im comin# to New Gor%. Its ',rrivederci, 0oma( "or this #irl. Aorry Ive !een o t o" to ch "or so lon#. Ive !een sort o" thin%in# a!o t yo too, and I really loo% "orward to stayin# with yo "or a little while. Go re a very sweet and " nny # y, 8en. 2 t I want yo to %now that my li"e !lows major testes these days. I j st !ro%e $ with this # y who was really my ty$e, st "" with my $arents, !lah, !lah, !lah. Ao I may not always !e the !est com$any and I may not always treat yo ri#ht. In other words, i" yo #et sic% o" me, j st throw me o t on the c r!. Thats what $eo$le do. <ahaha4 Ill send yo the "li#ht in"o soon as I can. Go dont have to $ic% me $ or anythin#. J st tell me where to #o. I ho$e this doesnt ma%e yo ncom"orta!le, 8enny ,!ramov, ! t my "rec%les really miss yo . E nice

1.A. <ave yo !een !r shin# li%e I showed yo 3 Its #ood "or yo and c ts down on !ad !reath. 1.1.A. I tho #ht yo were $retty c te on yo r "riend Noahs stream ! t yo sho ld really try to #et o"" '1;1 1eo$le -e Need to Ceel Aorry Cor.( That # y with the AUK DIK overalls is j st !ein# cr el to yo . Go are not a '#reasy old schl !,( whatever that means, 8enny. Go sho ld stand $ "or yo rsel". TOTAL SURRENDER FROM THE DIARIES OF LENNY ABRAMOV

JUNE 1: Dear Diary, Oh my 7od, oh my 7od, Oh 5y 7od4 Ahes here. E nice 1ar% is in New Gor%. E nice 1ar% is in my a$artment4 E nice 1ar% is sittin# NEXT TO 5E on my co ch while Im writin# this. E nice 1ar%: a tiny "ra#ment o" a h man !ein# in $ r$le le##in#s, $o tin# at somethin# terri!le I may have done, an#er in her wrin%led "orehead, the rest o" her a!sor!ed !y her I$$IrIt, chec%in# o t e=$ensive st "" on ,ss8 = ry. I am close to her. I am s rre$titio sly smellin# the #arlic on her !reath, diary. Im smellin# a l nch o" 5alaysian anchovies and I thin% Im a!o t to have a heart attac%. Oh, whats wron# with me3 Everythin#, sweet diary. Everythin# is wron# with me and I am the ha$$iest man alive4 -hen she teened me she was comin# to NG/, I r shed o t to the corner !ode#a and as%ed "or an e##$lant. They said they had to order it on their I$$IrIt, so I waited twelve ho rs !y the door, and when it came my hands were sha%in# so !ad I co ldnt do anythin# with it. I j st st c% it in the "ree)er &!y accident* and then went o t on the !alcony and started to wee$. Crom joy, o" co rse4 On the mornin# o" the "irst day o" my real li"e, I threw o t the "ro)en e##$lant, and $ t on my cleanest, most conservative cotton shirt, which !ecame a monsoon o" nervo s sweat !e"ore I even le"t "or the door. To dry o"" a little and #ain $ers$ective, I sat down and $ondered 1oint No. E: 8ove E nice, the way my $arents always sat down !e"ore a lon# tri$ to $ray "or a sa"e jo rney in their $rimitive 0 ssian way. 1enn!) I said alo d. You are not going to screw this u ; Youve been given a chance to hel the most beautiful woman in the world; You must be good0 1enn!; You must not think of !ourself at all; 4nl! of this little creature before !ou; 3hen !ou will be hel ed in turn; If !ou dont ull this off0 if !ou hurt this oor girl in an! wa!0 !ou will not be worth! of immortalit!; <ut if !ou harness her warm little bod! to !ours and make her smile0 if !ou show her that adult love can overcome childhood ain0 then both of !ou will be shown the kingdom; $oshie ma! slam the door on !ou0 ma! watch !our heartbeat stutter to a sto in some ublic hos ital bed0 but how could an!one den! "unice (ark& :ow could an! god wish her less than eternal !outh& I wanted to meet E nice at JCK, ! t it t rns o t that yo cant even #et close to the air$ort witho t a $lane tic%et anymore. The ca!!ie le"t me at the third ,merican 0estoration , thority chec%$oint on the Fan -yc%, where the National 7 ard had set $ a #reetin# area, a twenty+"oot camo "la#ed tar$ !eneath which a crowd o" $oor middle+class "ol% h ddled in antici$ation o" their relatives. I almost missed her "li#ht !eca se a $art o" the -illiams! r# 2rid#e had colla$sed and we s$ent an ho r tryin# to t rn aro nd on Delancey Atreet ne=t to a hasty new ,0, si#n that said 'To#ether -ell 0e$are VsicW This 2rid#e.( -hile we were $ llin# $ to the chec%$oint, my I$$IrIt came thro #h with another !it o" wonder" l news. Nettie Cine is alive and well4 Ahe teened me, sin# a new sec re address. '8enny, Im so sorry i" I !ro #ht yo down when I saw yo in 0ome. 5y %ids tell me sometimes I can !e a real MNervo s Nettie. I j st wanted to let yo %now thin#s arent so !ad4 Theres #ood news on my des% all the time. Theres real chan#e !ac% home. The $oor $eo$le thrown o t o" their homes are #ettin# or#ani)ed j st li%e in the 7reat De$ression. These e=?National 7 ard !oys are ! ildin# ca!ins in the $ar%s and $rotestin# that they dont have their Fene) ela !on ses. I can j st "eel a ! rst o" !ottom+ $ ener#y4 5edia isnt coverin# it, ! t yo #o ta%e a loo% in /entral 1ar% and tell me what yo see. 5ay!e the rei#n o" Je""rey Otter is "inally !ehind s4 ===, Nettie Cine.( I teened her ri#ht !ac%, tellin# her that I wo ld #o see the 8ow Net -orth $eo$le in the $ar% and that I was in love with a #irl named E nice 1ar% who &I antici$ated Netties "irst 6 estion* wasnt Jewish ! t was $er"ect in every other way. Cilled with #ood tidin#s a!o t my ,merican mama, I waited "or the United/ontinentalDeltamerican ! s, $acin# nervo sly ntil the men with the # ns !e#an to loo% at me " nny, then retreated into a ma%eshi"t 0etail s$ace !y a d m$ster, where I !o #ht some wiltin# roses and a three+h ndred+dollar !ottle o" cham$a#ne. 5y $oor E nice loo%ed so tired when she h ""ed o"" the ! s with her many !a#s that I nearly tac%led her in a rej venatin# em!race, ! t I was care" l not to ma%e a scene, wavin# my roses and cham$a#ne at the armed men to $rove that I had eno #h /redit to a""ord 0etail, and then %issed her $assionately on one chee% &she smelled o" "li#ht and moist ri)er*, then on the strai#ht, thin, oddly non+,sian nose, then the other chee%, then !ac% to the nose, then once more the "irst chee%, "ollowin# the c rve o" "rec%les !ac%ward and "orward, mar%in# her nose li%e a !rid#e to !e crossed twice. The cham$a#ne !ottle "ell o t o" my hands, ! t, whatever " t ristic #ar!a#e it was made o", it didnt !rea%. /on"ronted with this %ind o" cra)y love, E nice didnt withdraw, nor did she ret rn my ardor. Ahe smiled at me with those " ll, $ r$le li$s o" hers and those tired yo n# eyes, a!ashed, and made a motion with her arms to indicate that the !a#s were heavy. They were, diary. They were the heaviest !a#s Ive ever carried. The s$i%y heels o" ladies shoes %e$t sta!!in# my a!domen, and a metal tin o" n%nown $rovenance, ro nd and hard, !r ised my hi$. The ca! ride $assed in near silence, !oth o" s a little ashamed o" the sit ation, each $ro!a!ly "eelin# # ilty o" somethin# &my relative $ower> her yo th*, and mind" l o" the "act that we had s$ent less than a day to#ether in total and that o r commonalities had yet to !e determined. 'Isnt this ,0, shit totally cra)y3( I whis$ered to her, as yet another chec%$oint slowed s to a crawl. 'I dont really %now m ch a!o t $olitics,( she said.

Ahe was disa$$ointed !y my a$artment, !y how "ar it was "rom the C line and how #ly the ! ildin#s were. '8oo%s li%e Ill #et some e=ercise wal%in# to the train,( she said. '<a ha.( This was what her #eneration li%ed to add to the end o" sentences, li%e a nervo s tic. '<a ha.( 'Im really #lad yo re here, E nice,( I said, tryin# to %ee$ everythin# I said !oth clear and honest. 'I really missed yo . I mean, its %ind o" weird.B( 'I missed yo too, nerd+"ace,( she said. That sin#le sentence h n# in the air !etween s, the ins lt wedded to the intimacy. Ahe had clearly s r$rised hersel", and she didnt %now what to do, whether to add a 'ha4( or a 'ha ha( or j st to shr # it o"". I decided to ta%e the initiative and sat down ne=t to her on my chrome+and+leather co ch, the %ind that once #raced l = ry cr ise shi$s in the 19D;s and E;s and made me wish I was someone else. Ahe loo%ed at my -all o" 2oo%s with a ne tral e=$ression, altho #h !y now my vol mes mostly stan% o" 1ine+Aol -ild Clower 2last and not their nat ral $rinted essence. 'Im sorry yo !ro%e $ with that # y in Italy,( I said. 'Go said on 7lo!alTeens he was really yo r ty$e.( 'I dont want to tal% a!o t him ri#ht now,( E nice said. 7ood, I didnt either. I j st wanted to hold her. Ahe was wearin# an oatmeal sweatshirt, !eneath which I co ld es$y the twin stra$s o" a !ra she did not need. <er ro #h+hewn minis%irt made o t o" some %ind o" sand$a$er "i!er sat ato$ a $air o" !ri#ht+violet $antyhose, which also seemed nnecessary #iven the warm J ne weather. -as she tryin# to $rotect hersel" "rom my rovin# hands3 Or was she j st very cold at her center3 'Go m st !e tired "rom the lon# "li#ht,( I said, $ ttin# my hand on her violet %nee. 'Go re sweatin# li%e cra)y,( she said, la #hin#. I wi$ed at my "orehead, comin# away with the sheen o" my a#e. 'Aorry,( I said. 'Do I really e=cite yo that m ch, nerd+"ace3( she as%ed. I didnt say anythin#. I smiled. 'Its nice o" yo to let me stay here.( 'Inde"initely4( I cried. '-ell see,( she said. ,s I s6 ee)ed her %nee and made a sli#ht movement $ward, she ca #ht my hairy wrist. '8ets ta%e it easy,( she said. 'I j st had my heart !ro%en, remem!er3( Ahe tho #ht it over and added, '<a ha.( '<ey, I %now what we can do,( I said. 'Its, li%e, my "avorite thin# when the s mmer comes.( I too% her to /edar <ill in /entral 1ar%. Ahe seemed dist r!ed !y the ra##ed $roject+dwellers wal%in# and wheelin# their way down my stretch o" 7rand Atreet, the old Dominicans leerin# at her and sho tin# '+hinita)( and 'Go !etter s$end some money, /hina honey4( in what I ho$ed was a not+too+threatenin# way. I made s re to avoid the !loc% where o r resident shitter did his ! siness. '-hy do yo live here3( E nice 1ar% as%ed, $erha$s not nderstandin# that real estate in the rest o" 5anhattan was still #rossly na""orda!le, des$ite the last dollar deval ation &or $erha$s !eca se o" it> I can never "i# re o t how c rrency wor%s*. Ao, to com$ensate "or my $oor nei#h!orhood, I $aid the e=tra ten dollars each at the C train sto$ and #ot s into the ! siness+class carria#e. ,s Fish had dr n%enly told me the other ni#ht, o r citys dyin# transit is now r n on a "or+$ro"it !asis !y a ! nch o" ,0,+"riendly cor$orations nder the slo#an 'To#ether -ell 7o Aomewhere.( In ! siness class, we had the r n o" the co)y, already sli#htly !rowned so"as and the ! l%y I$$IrIti chained to a co""ee ta!le and d sted with "in#er$rints and s$illed drin%s. <eavily armed National 7 ardsmen %e$t o r carria#e "ree o" the !i6 ito s sin#in# !e##ars, !rea%+dancers, and destit te "amilies !e##in# "or a <ealthcare vo cher, the ra#ta# #a##le o" 8ow Net -orth Individ als who had t rned the re# lar cars into a so ndsta#e "or their talents and woes. In ! siness, we were allowed a tho sand discrete moments o" nder#ro nd $eace. E nice scanned 3he New York 1ifest!le 3imes, which made me ha$$y, !eca se even tho #h the 3imes is no lon#er the "a!led $a$er o" yore, its still more te=t+heavy than other sites, the hal"+screen+len#th essays on certain $rod cts sometimes o""erin# s !tle analysis o" the #reater world, a $iece on a new %ohl a$$licator #ivin# way to a $ara#ra$h+lon# sna$shot o" the !rain economy in the Indian state o" Kerala. There was no denyin# that the woman I had "allen "or was tho #ht" l and !ri#ht. I %e$t my eyes on E nice 1ar%, at her s n+!rowned little arms "loatin# a!ove the $rojected data, ready to $o nce when an item she coveted was n" rled on the screen, the #reen '! y me now( icon hoverin# !eneath her ! sy inde= "in#ers. I watched her so intently, the overlit s !way sto$s "lashin# meanin#lessly o tside the windows, that we missed o r own sto$ and had to do !le !ac%. /edar <ill. This is where I start my wal%s in /entral 1ar%. 5any years a#o, a"ter a violent !rea% $ with an earlier #irl"riend &a sad 0 ssian I had dated o t o" some %ind o" $erverse ethnic solidarity*, I sed to #o to a yo n#, recently accredited social wor%er j st one !loc% over on 5adison. Cor nder a h ndred dollars every wee%, someone cared "or me in these $arts, even i", in the end, Janice Cein#old, 5.A.-., co ld not c re me o" my "ear o" none=istence. <er "avorite 6 estion: '-hy do yo thin% yo wo ld !e ha$$ier i" yo co ld live "orever3( ,"ter my sessions, I wo ld decom$ress slowly with a !oo% or an act al $rinted news$a$er amidst the !rilliant #reenery o" /edar <ill. I wo ld try to assimilate 5s. Cein#olds thera$e tic view o" me as someone worthy o" the colors and #races o" li"e, and this $artic lar stretch o" /entral 1ar% nicely !ro #ht home the $oint o" all her #ood wor%. De$endin# on yo r viewin# an#le, the <ill can a$$ear a colle#iate New En#land lawn or a dense coni"ero s "orest, #ray roc%s s$read o t #lacially, cedars ca tio sly intermin#lin# with $ines. The <ill descends eastward to a tiny #reen valley, n" rlin# a cast o" strollers, lon#+haired dachsh nds wearin# $ol%a+dot !andanas, de=tero s ,n#lo+Aa=on children in " ll swin#, dar%+s%inned care#ivers, to rists on ethnic !lan%ets enjoyin# the weather. -hat a day it was4 The middle o" J ne, the trees comin# into their own, the !o #hs "illin# a! ndantly. Everywhere yo th "or the ta%in#. <ow to contain the nat ral re"le= to stand $ on ones hind le#s and sni"" $oi#nantly "or the warmth o" the s n3 <ow to %ee$ ones mo th "rom "indin# E nices and ! rrowin# inside3 I $ointed o t a $ar% si#n that said '1assive ,ctivities Enco ra#ed.( 'C nny, h h3( I said to E nice.

'Youre " nny,( she said. Ahe loo%ed at me directly "or the "irst time since shed landed. There was her c stomary sneer c rlin# the le"t side o" her lower li$, ! t, $er the si#ns directions, it was entirely $assive. Ahe $ t her hands "orward, and the s n stro%ed them !e"ore they met the shadow o" my own. -e held hands !rie"ly and then she loo%ed away "rom me. Small doses, I tho #ht. 3his is enough for right now. 2 t then my mo th started tal%in#. '2oy,( it said, 'I co ld really learn to love@( 'I dont want to h rt yo , 8enny,( she interr $ted me. "as!; "as! does it. 'I %now yo dont,( I said. 'Go re $ro!a!ly still in love with that # y in Italy.( Ahe si#hed. 'Everythin# I to ch t rns to shit,( she said, sha%in# her head, her whole "ace s ddenly older and n"or#ivin#. 'Im a wal%in# disaster. -hats that3( It h rt my eyes to $art com$any with her "ace. 2 t I loo%ed as directed. Aomeone had ! ilt a little wooden shac% at the crest o" the hill, addin# to its r stic a$$eal. -e lan# idly went $ to investi#ate, I relishin# the o$$ort nity to o!serve her !ehind, which sat h m!ly, almost nnecessarily, ato$ two st rdy le#s. I wondered how she wo ld s rvive in the world witho t an ass. Everyone needs a c shion. 5ay!e I co ld !e that "or her. The ca!in wasnt wooden act ally, j st some corr #ated metal that had lost so m ch te=t re and $aint it a$$eared $rimordial. , s n"lower had !een $ainted on it alon# with the words 'my name a)i) jamie tom$%ins I wor%ed ! s driver %ic%ed o t o" home two days a#o this is my s$ace dont shoot.( , !lac% man sat on a !ric% o tside the shanty, #ray side! rns li%e my own, an a""ected ca$ that on second e=amination $roved to !elon# to the "ormer 5etro$olitan Trans$ortation , thority, and the rest o" him nremar%a!le@ white T+shirt, #olden chain with an oversi)ed y an sym!ol@e=ce$t "or the e=$ression on his "ace. At nned. <e sat there loo%in# to the side, his mo th o$en, #ently !reathin# in the !ea ti" l air li%e an e=ha sted "ish, tterly removed "rom the small crowd o" New Gor% natives who had "ormed res$ect" lly a "ew yards away to watch his $overty, and the I$$IrIti+totin# to rists j st another "ew yards !ehind them, jostlin# "or a si#htline. Crom time to time, one co ld hear the "all o" a metal $an inside his shanty, or the o$enin# !ars o" an o!solete com$ ter tryin# to !oot $, or a womans low, dis$leased voice, ! t the man i#nored it all, his eyes !lan%, one hand $oised in midair as i" $racticin# some 6 iet martial art, the other one scratchin# misera!ly at a $atch o" dead s%in s$readin# alon# his cal". 'Is he $oor3( E nice as%ed. 'I # ess so,( I said. '5iddle+class.( '<es a ! s driver,( a woman said. '-as,( said another. 'They cleared him o t "or the central !an%er d des visit,( said a third. 'The +hinese /entral 2an%er.( This was the "irst $erson, an older woman in an odoro s T+shirt who clearly !elon#ed to the mar#inal classes &what was she doin# in this $art o" 5anhattan anyway3*. Aeveral o" her cohorts loo%ed at E nice, not in a "riendly way. I wondered i" I sho ld declare to the #atherin# crowd that my new "riend was not /hinese, ! t E nice was a!sor!ed !y somethin# on her I$$IrIt, or $retendin# to !e. 'Dont !e scared, sweetie,( I whis$ered to her. '<e was livin# !y the Fan -yc%,( said the mar#inali)ed %now+it+all. 'They dont want the +hinese !an%er seein# no $oor $eo$le on the way "rom the air$ort. 5a%e s loo% !ad.( '<arm 0ed ction,( a yo n# !lac% man said. '-hat the hells he doin# in the ark3( '0estoration thority not #oin# to li%e this. Uh+ h.( '<ey, ,)i),( the !lac% man yelled. There was no res$onse. '<ey, !rother. 2etter scoot o t o" here !e"ore the National 7 ard comes.( The man in the 5T, ca$ contin ed to sit there, scratchin# and meditatin#. 'Go dont want to end $ in 3ro!,( the yo n#er man added. 'Theyll #et yo r lady too. Go know what theyll do.( This ,)i) # y m st have !een $art o" the new '!ottom+ $( 7reat De$ression movement Nettie Cine was tal%in# a!o t. Only a "ew ho rs to#ether, and E nice and I were already witnesses to history4 I too% o t my I$$IrIt and started to ta%e Ima#es o" the man, ! t the yo n# !lac% man yelled, '-hat the " c% yo doin#, son3( ', "riend o" mine as%ed me to ta%e an Ima#e,( I said. 'Ahe wor%s "or the Atate De$artment.( 'State 2e artment& ,re yo " c%in# %iddin# me3 Go !etter $ t that thin# away, 5r. 1JD;+/redit+ran%in# #ot+me+a+!itch+ twenty+year+yo n#er 2i$artisan mother" c%er4( 'Im not a 2i$artisan,( I said, altho #h I did as I was told. Now I was com$letely con" sed. ,nd a little scared. -ho were these $eo$le all aro nd me3 ,mericans, I # ess. 2 t what did that even mean anymore3 The conversation !ehind me was t rnin# to the sensitive s !ject o" /hina+-orldwide. 'Damn /hina !an%er,( someone was sho tin#. '-hen he comes, Im #oin# to c t $ all my credit cards and throw them at him li%e con"etti. Im #onna shoot his lo mein ass.( The /hinese to rists on the o ter $erimeter were startin# to dis!and, and I tho #ht it wo ld !e wise to move E nice alon# too. I loo$ed mysel" aro nd her sho lders and #ently wal%ed her down the hill, away "rom anyone who co ld ca se her harm, and toward the 5odel 2oat 1ond. 'Im o%ay, Im o%ay,( she said, s6 ee)in# o t o" my em!race. 'Aome o" those "ol%s loo%ed a little street,( I said. ',nd yo were #oin# to $ t yo r nerd moves on them3( E nice said, la #hin# !ri#htly. Aome vesti#ial teena#e memory ran $ and down my # t, ma%in# me cram$. I was $erha$s the least $o$ lar child in secondary school. I never learned how to "i#ht or carry mysel" li%e a man. 'Ato$ callin# me that, $lease,( I whis$ered, r !!in# my stomach. '<a4 I love it when my nerd "ei#ns de"iance.( I #rowled a !it, ta%in# note o" her se o" the $ossessive. '! nerd. -o ld she really ta%e ownershi$ o" me3 -e wal%ed slowly and meditatively, neither o" s s$ea%in#, !oth o" s a little nha$$y and a little content. Early+s mmer evenin# was settlin# over the city. The s%y was the color o" #hosts. The atmos$here, warm ! t !ree)y, ree%in# o" $ollinated sweetness

and !a%ed !read. /rowdin# aro nd the !oat $ond were yo n# E ro co $les, $lay" l as children, amoro s as teena#ers, $ressin# deval ed dollars into the hands o" T+shirt and trin%et vendors, e=cited !y the twili#ht co ntry aro nd them. ,sian %ids, learnin# to !e lo d and im$et o s, chased one anothers radio+controlled sloo$s across the still, #ray waters o" the $ond. U$ a!ove, three military helico$ters, evenly s$aced, r m!led across the $ t+ $on s%y. The "o rth, !arely ta##in# alon#, seemed to hold a #iant s$ear in its maw> the s$ear #lowed yellow at its ti$. Only the to rists loo%ed $. I tho #ht o" Nettie Cine. I had to !elieve in her o$timism. Ahe had never !een wron# !e"ore, whereas my $arents had !een wron# a!o t ever!thing. Thin#s were #oin# to #et !etter. Aomeday. Cor me to "all in love with E nice 1ar% j st as the world "ell a$art wo ld !e a tra#edy !eyond the 7ree%s. -e were wal%in# hand in hand now alon# the vast #rassy Ahee$ 5eadow, which "elt com"orta!le and "amilial, li%e a worn r m$ s+room car$et or a !adly made !ed. 2eyond it, on three sides, lay the constellation o" once+tall ! ildin#s, the old ones mansard+ to$$ed and stoic, the new ones covered with !lin%in# in"ormation. -e $assed a white+and+,sian co $le enjoyin# an early+s mmer $icnic o" $rosci tto and melon, which made me s6 ee)e E nices hand. Ahe t rned aro nd and !r shed my #rayin# hair with her moist ri)ed hands. I $re$ared mysel" "or a comment on my a#e and loo%s. I $re$ared mysel" to !ecome /he%hovs #ly merchant 8a$tev a#ain. I %new this h rt so well, it act ally had le"t a stran#e "oretaste in my mo th, that o" almonds and salt. '5y sweet em$eror $en# in,( she said instead. 'Go re so !ea ticio s. Go re so smart. ,nd #ivin#. Ao nli%e anyone Ive met. Ao !ou. I !et yo can ma%e me so ha$$y, i" I j st let mysel" !e ha$$y.( Ahe %issed me 6 ic%ly on the li$s, as i" we had already e=chan#ed a h ndred tho sand %isses !e"ore, then ran into a $assin# "ield o" #reen and did three #race" l somersa lts@one a"ter the other a"ter the other. I stood there. Delirio s. Ta%in# in the world in tiny increments. <er sim$le !ody $artin# the air. The $ara!ola o" her s$ine in motion. The o$en mo th !reathin# hard a"ter the li#ht e=ha stion. Cacin# me. Crec%les and heat. I steeled my chest a#ainst what it e=$ected o" me. I wo ld not cry. 7ray clo ds !earin# some %ind o" ind strial remnant moved into the "ore#ro nd> a yellow s !stance etched itsel" into the hori)on, !ecame the hori)on, !ecame the ni#ht. ,s the s%y dar%ened, we "o nd o rselves enclosed on three sides !y the e=cess o" o r civili)ation, yet the #ro nd !eneath o r "eet was so"t and #reen, and !ehind s lay a hill !earin# trees as small as $onies. -e wal%ed in silence, as I sni""ed the shar$, "r ity "acial creams that E nice wore to "i#ht o"" a#e, mi=ed in with j st a hint o" somethin# alive and cor$oreal. 5 lti$le niverses tem$ted me with their e=istence. 8i%e the imm ta!ility o" 7od or the s rvival o" the so l, I %new they wo ld $rove a mira#e, ! t still I #ras$ed "or !elie". 2eca se I !elieved in her. It was time to leave. -e headed so th, and when the trees ran o t the $ar% handed s over to the city. -e s rrendered to a s%yscra$er with a #reen mansard roo" and two star% chimneys. New Gor% e=$loded all aro nd s, $eo$le haw%in#, ! yin#, demandin#, streamin#. The citys density ca #ht me n$re$ared, and I reeled "rom its im$osition, its alcoholic " mes, its h !ris, its lo d, dyin# wealth. E nice loo%ed at some sho$ windows on Ci"th ,ven e, her I$$IrIt crawlin# with new in"ormation. 'E ny,( I said, tryin# o t a shorter version o" her name. '<ow are yo "eelin# ri#ht now3 ,re yo jet+la##ed3( Ahe was loo%in# at an alli#ator s%in stretched into a meanin#" lly lar#e o!ject and "ailed to answer me. 'Do yo want to #o to o r ho se3( 4ur ho se3 Ahe was ! sy scannin# the dead am$hi!ian with her I$$IrIt as i" it contained an answer. <er lower "ace was now covered with a smile that was a smile in name only. 2 t when she t rned away "rom the store window, when she a$$raised me, there was nothin# on her "ace. Ahe was loo%in# into the smooth white em$tiness o" my nec%. 'Dont r ! yo r eyes,( she said into that em$tiness, s c%in# the words thro #h her li$s, shreddin# each sylla!le. 'Go re %illin# the cells aro nd yo r eyes when yo r ! so hard. Thats why theres so m ch dar% s%in. It ma%es yo loo% older.( I was ho$in# she wo ld add 'nerd+"ace,( so that I wo ld %now it was all ri#ht, ! t she didnt. I didnt nderstand. -hat had ha$$ened to the somersa lts3 -hat had ha$$ened to 'my sweet em$eror $en# in(3 To that wonder" l, tterly ne=$ected word: '!ea ticio s(3 -e wal%ed !ac% to the s !way witho t a sylla!le !etween s, her stare coverin# the #ro nd ahead o" her li%e a !eam o" ne#ative li#ht. The silence contin ed. I !reathed so hard I tho #ht I wo ld "aint. I didnt %now how to !rin# s !ac% to where we were !e"ore. I didnt %now how to restore s to /entral 1ar%, to /edar <ill, to the Ahee$ 5eadow, to the %iss. 2ac% in my a$artment, with the hollow 'Creedom( Tower #lowin# e=tra !ri#ht !ehind the thic% c rtains, and the so nd o" an em$ty 5DD ! s lowerin# itsel" "or an elderly insomniac, E nice and I had o r "irst "i#ht. Ahe threatened to move !ac% with her $arents. I was on my %nees. I was cryin#. '1lease,( I said. 'Go cant #o !ac% to Cort 8ee. J st stay here with me a little lon#er.( 'Go re $athetic,( E nice said. Ahe was sittin# on my co ch, hands in her la$. 'Go re so weak.( ',ll I said was MId li%e to meet yo r $arents someday. Go re more than welcome to meet mine ne=t wee%. In "act, I want yo to meet them.( 'Do yo %now what that means "or me3 To meet my $arents3 Go dont %now me at all.( 'Im tryin# to %now yo . Ive dated Korean #irls !e"ore. I nderstand the "amilies are conservative. I %now theyre not cra)y a!o t whiteys li%e me.( 'Go dont nderstand an!thing a!o t my "amily,( E nice said. '<ow co ld yo even think B( I lay in my !ed, listenin# to E nice teenin# " rio sly on her I$$IrIt in the livin# room, $ro!a!ly to her "riends in so thern /ali"ornia or to her "amily in Cort 8ee. Cinally, three ho rs later, the !irds $ic%in# $ a mornin# t ne o tside, she came into the !edroom. I $retended I was aslee$. Ahe too% o"" most o" her clothes and #ot in !ed ne=t to me, then $ressed her warm !ac% and !ehind into my chest and #enitals, so that I ended $ s$oonin# her warm !ody. Ahe was cryin#. I was still $retendin# to !e aslee$. I %issed her in a way that was consistent with my !ein# s $$osedly aslee$. I didnt want her to h rt me anymore that ni#ht. Ahe was wearin# those $anties that sna$ ri#ht o"" when yo $ress a ! tton on the crotch. Total A rrender, I thin% theyre called. I held on ti#hter to E nice, and she $ressed dee$er into me. I wanted to tell her that it was o%ay. That I wo ld !rin# her joy whenever I co ld. I didnt need to

meet her $arents ri#ht away. 2 t it wasnt tr e. This was another thin# I had learned a!o t Korean women. The $arents were the %ey to E nice 1ar%. SOMETHING NICE IS GRO ING INSIDE ME

FROM THE GLOBALTEENS ACCOUNT OF EUNICE PARK

JUNE 1! EUNI+T,0D 34 70I882IT/<: Dear 1recio s 1ony, A $, my little 2 sy 2ee+iotch3 Im !aaaaaaac%. ,merica the !ea ti" l. -ow, I still cant !elieve that everyones s$ea%in# En#lish and not Italiano aro nd me. -ell, in 8ennys #hetto nei#h!orhood its mostly A$anish and Jewish, I # ess. 2 t whatever. Im home. Thin#s are 6 iet over in Cort 8ee, at least "or the time !ein#. Im seein# my $arents soon, ! t I thin% my dad j st 6 iets down when he %nows Im across the river. I #et the "eelin# that Im never #oin# to !e a!le to !e more than a co $le o" miles away "rom my "amily, which is sad. ,lso, I thin% my dad has this radar, and anytime somethin# #ood ha$$ens to me, li%e meetin# 2en in Italy, he starts actin# $ and I have to dro$ everythin# and come !ac% home. I am so sic% o" my mother sayin# 'Go older sister. Go have res$onsi!ility.( Aometimes I try to $ict re mysel" witho t them, j st as my own $erson and doin# thin#s on my own, the way I tried to in 0ome. 2 t I dont really see it ha$$enin#. ,nd now that Aallys #ettin# all 1olitical I "eel li%e I have do !le res$onsi!ility to ma%e s re she doesnt do anythin# st $id. To !e honest, I %ind o" thin% its all ! llshit. Ahe never cared a!o t 1olitics !e"ore. -hen I le"t "or Elder!ird it was all 0everend /ho said this, and 0everend /ho said that, and 0everend /ho said its o%ay i" Daddy dra##ed 5ommy o t o" !ed !y the hair !eca se Jes totally <E,0TA sinners. This 1olitics cra$ is j st another way to act o t. <er and my mom and my dad, they all want attention li%e a ! nch o" little !rats. I miss 2en a lot. There was somethin# so com$ati!le a!o t me and him. 8i%e we didnt have to say m ch to each other, we co ld j st lie there in !ed "or ho rs, doin# whatever on o r I$$IrIti, with the li#hts t rned o"". Its di""erent with 8enny. I mean there are so many thin#s wron# with him, and I # ess I j st have to "i= them all. The $ro!lem is hes not yo n#, so he thin%s he doesnt have to listen to me. <is teeth are in so m ch !etter sha$e since I #ot him to !r sh correctly and his !reath is "resh li%e a daisy. I" only he wo ld ta%e care o" his #ross "eet4 Im #oin# to ma%e him set $ an a$$ointment with a $odiatrist. 5ay!e my dad. J2C4 5y dad wo ld "rea% i" I told him I had a very old white, m, '"riend.( <a ha. ,nd then he dresses aw" l. This Korean #irl $al o" his named 7race &I havent met her ! t I already hate the !itch* #oes sho$$in# with him once in a while and she "inds all these li%e old+school hi$ster o t"its with the wide collars and these aw" l acrylic shirts "rom the N;s. I ho$e theres a smo%e detector in o r a$artment ca se he j st mi#ht set himsel" on "ire one day. ,nyway, I told him "rom the start: 8oo%, yo re T<I0TG+NINE years old and Im livin# with yo , so now yo ve #ot to dress li%e a #rown+ $. <e #ot all $issy, my little nerd, ! t ne=t wee% were #oin# sho$$in# "or st "" act ally made o t o" ,NI5,8 10ODU/TA li%e cotton and wool and caShmere and all that #ood st "". Ao on my "irst day !ac% we went to the $ar% &8enny $aid "or ! siness class on the s !way4 he can !e so tho #ht" l* and there were all these li%e little shac%s "or the homeless $eo$le in /entral 1ar%. It was really sad. These $eo$le are #ettin# %ic%ed o t o" their homes alon# the hi#hway !eca se the /hinese central !an%er is comin# and 8enny says the 2i$artisans dont want s to loo% $oor in "ront o" o r ,sian creditors. ,nd this $oor !lac% # y was j st sittin# o t "ront o" one o" those shac%s and he loo%ed li%e he was so ashamed o" what hes !ecome, li%e when my "ather tho #ht he was #oin# to lose his $ractice !eca se now theres no more medicare le"t. It j st ta%es away di#nity "rom a man when he cant ta%e care o" his "amily. I swear to #od I almost started !awlin#, ! t I didnt want to #ive 8enny the im$ression that I cared a!o t somethin#. ,nd they had this old com$ ter in the shac%, not even a real I$$IrIt, I co ld even hear it startin# $ it was so lo d. Im not #oin# to #et 1olitical on yo , 1ony, ! t I dont thin% its ri#ht that o r co ntry doesnt ta%e care o" these $eo$le. Thats one thin# a!o t o r "amilies, even i" thin#s #et really !ad, theyll always ta%e care o" s !eca se they lived thro #h m ch worse in Korea. Go %now whats " nny. 8enny %ee$s a jo rnal o" all the thin#s hes 'cele!ratin#.( Its dor%y, ! t I wonder a!o t all the thin#s I sho ld !e cele!ratin# and may!e its the "act that Im not livin# in a tin can in /entral 1ar% and that yo love me and may!e my sister and mom love me too and may!e I have an act al !oy"riend who wants a <E,8T<G, NO05,8, 8OFIN7 relationshi$ with me. ,nyway, then me and 8enny %issed in the $ar%. Nothin# more than that "or now, ! t it "elt really #ood, li%e somethin# nice was #rowin# inside me. Im tryin# to ta%e it really slow and #et to %now him !etter. 0i#ht now I still see s as this mismatched $air. <onestly, Im a"raid to see o r re"lection when we $ass !y a mirror, ! t I thin% the more time I s$end with him the more it "eels ri#ht. <e already told me he loves me, and that Im the one "or him, the one hes !een waitin# "or all his li"e. ,nd he ta%es his time with me. <ell listen to me tal% a!o t what my "ather did to me and Aally and 5om and hell ta%e it in, and sometimes hell even cry &he cries a lot*, and a"ter a while I j st start to tr st him with everythin# and I o$en $ the way I wo ld to a #irl"riend. ,nd he %ind o" %isses li%e a #irl too, all 6 iet and with his eyes closed. <, <,. Ao "ar my "avorite thin# is j st wal%in# down the street with him. <ell tell me all these thin#s I never even learned at Elder!ird, li%e that New Gor% sed to !e owned !y the D tch &what were they even doin# in ,merica3*, and whenever we see somethin# " nny li%e a c te weenie do# well !oth j st totally !rea% o t la #hin#, and hell hold my hand and sweat and sweat and sweat !eca se hes still so nervo s and so ha$$y to !e with me. -e "i#ht a lot. I # ess its mostly my "a lt !eca se I dont a$$reciate his #reat $ersonality and j st %ee$ "oc sin# on how he

loo%s. Then theres the "act that he des$erately wants to meet my $arents and theres no e""in# way thats ever #oin# to ha$$en. Oh, and he said hell ta%e me to 8on# Island to meet <IA 1,0ENTA4 8i%e ne=t wee%. -hat is wron# with him3 <e j st %ee$s $ shin# me and $ shin# me on the $arents iss e. I told him I was leavin# him and #oin# !ac% to Cort 8ee and then my $oor sweet nerd #ot down on his %nees and started cryin# and sayin# how m ch I meant to him. <e was so $athetic and so c te. I "elt so sorry "or him that I too% o"" all my clothes, e=ce$t "or my TotalA rrenders and j st #ot in !ed with him. <e "elt me $ a little ! t we "ell aslee$ $retty "ast. Damn, 1recio s 1ony. Im j st one chatty ass+hoo%ah these days. Im #oin# to si#n o"", ! t heres an Ima#e o" me and 8enny at the )oo in /entral 1ar%. <es to the le"t o" the !ear. Dont #a#4444 70I882IT/< 34 EUNI+T,0D: Dear 1recio s 1anda, -elcome !ac%, stic%y ! n4 OK, I #otta r n to the 1 ssy sale a#ain, ! t really 6 ic%ly, m, I saw the Ima#e yo sent and I really dont %now a!o t this 8enny. Its not li%e hes the most dis# stin# # y Ive ever seen, ! t hes j st not the %ind o" $erson I $ict red yo with. I %now yo re sayin# he has all these other 6 alities ! t, li%e, can yo ima#ine how yo r $arents wo ld react i" yo !ro #ht him to their ho se or to ch rch3 Go r "ather wo ld j st stare at him, clearin# his throat all ni#ht lon#, 'ahem, ahem,( and then when he le"t hed call yo a whore or worse. Im not sayin# one way or another, Im j st sayin# yo re really !ea ti" l and thin so dont settle. Ta%e yo r time4 Oh 7od, I went to my co sin Nam J ns weddin# and I had to say this li%e totally vomitatio s s$eech to him and his "at halmoni !ride. Ahes li%e "ive years older than him and has an%les li%e redwoods. Ala$ a #reen visor and a $erm on her, that aj mma is done4 ,nd the thin# is they really love each other, all they %e$t doin# is cryin# in each others arms and she %e$t "eedin# him ddo%. Aic%, I %now, ! t I wonder how I co ld learn to love some!ody li%e that. Aometimes I wal% aro nd as i" in a dream, li%e Im on the o tside loo%in# in, and 7o$her and my $arents and my !rothers are j st these #hosts "loatin# $ast me. Oh, and at the weddin# there were all these adora!le little #irls all $ainted li%e cats and wearin# little #owns and they %e$t chasin# this little !oy aro nd and tryin# to wrestle him down and I tho #ht o" yo r little co sin 5yon#+hee. Ahe m st !e what three !y now3 I miss her so m ch I may j st dro$ !y yo r co sins ho se and s6 ee)e her to death4 ,nyway, welcome home, sweet $oontan# o" mine. 2i# /ali"ornia %iss yo r way. JUNE 19 EUNI+T,0D: Aally, are yo !iddin# on the #ray an%le !oots on 1adma3 A,88GAT,0: <ow did yo %now3 EUNI+T,0D: D h, yo re my sister. ,nd theyre si)e E;. ,nyway, sto$ !iddin#, were com$letin# a#ainst each other. EUNI+T,0D: Oo$s. /O51ETIN7 a#ainst each other. A,88GAT,0: 5om wanted the olive ones, ! t they didnt have her si)e. EUNI+T,0D: Im #oin# to chec% o t the 0etail /orridor at Union A6 are. Dont #et the olive. Go have an a$$le+sha$ed !ody so yo sho ld wear only dar% !elow the waist and NEFE0, NEFE0 wear em$ire+waist to$s, which ma%e yo loo% totally to$+ heavy. A,88GAT,0: Go re !ac% in the Atates3 EUNI+T,0D: Dont so nd so e=cited. ,re yo in D./.3 A,88GAT,0: Geah, we j st #ot o"" the ! s. Its cra)y here. There are all these National 7 ard troo$s that j st #ot !ac% "rom Fene) ela and they didnt #et the Aervice 2on s they were $romised so theyre marchin# on the 5all with all their # ns. EUNI+T,0D: -IT< T<EI0 7UNA333 Aally, may!e yo sho ld li%e 8E,FE. A,88GAT,0: No, its o%ay. Theyre act ally $retty nice. Its not "air what the 2i$artisans are doin# to them. Do yo %now how many o" them died in /i dad 2olivar3 ,nd do yo %now many o" them are li%e mentally and $hysically screwed $ "or li"e3 Ao what i" the #overnments !ro%e3 -hat are they #oin# to do a!o t o r troo$s3 They have a res$onsi!ility. This is what ha$$ens when theres only one $arty in char#e and we live in a $olice state. Geah, I %now, Im not s $$osed to tal% li%e that over Teens. EUNI+T,0D: Aally, this is ridic lo s. -hy cant yo march in New Gor%3 Ill march with yo i" yo want, ! t I dont want yo doin# these cra)y thin#s !y yo rsel". A,88GAT,0: <ave yo !een to the ho se yet3 I didnt hear anythin# "rom 5ommy. EUNI+T,0D: No. Aoon. I dont want to see dad j st yet. <as he !een tal%in# a!o t me3 A,88GAT,0: No, ! t hes s l%in# "or some reason and we cant "i# re o t why. EUNI+T,0D: -ho cares3 A,88GAT,0: I thin% Uncle Joon is comin#. EUNI+T,0D: 7reat, dad will have to #ive him money and hell j st #o to ,tlantic /ity and !low it all. 8i%e dads $ractice has !een doin# so well that he can a""ord it. A,88GAT,0: -here are yo stayin#3 EUNI+T,0D: 0emem!er that #irl Joy 8ee3 A,88GAT,0: Crom 8on# 2each3 The one who had the armadillo3 EUNI+T,0D: Ahe lives downtown now. A,88GAT,0: Cancy. EUNI+T,0D: Not really. Its !y some $rojects. 2 t dont worry, its sa"e. A,88GAT,0: 0everend A %s /r sade is ne=t month. Go sho ld come. EUNI+T,0D: I ho$e yo re jo%in#. A,88GAT,0: I" yo dont want to come to the ho se yo can at least see yo r "amily. ,nd may!e yo can meet someone. Theres tons o" Korean # ys at the /r sade.

EUNI+T,0D: <ow do yo %now Im still not with 2en3 A,88GAT,0: The white # y "rom 0ome3 EUNI+T,0D: Geah -<ITE # y. -ow, 2arnards really o$ened yo r mind. A,88GAT,0: Dont !e sarcastic. I hate that. EUNI+T,0D: /ant I j st see yo and tal% to yo witho t havin# to #o to some st $id 7eej sh event3 -hen are yo comin# home3 A,88GAT,0: Tomorrow. -ant to have dinner at 5adan#s i tomorrow3 EUNI+T,0D: 5in s dad. A,88GAT,0: K. EUNI+T,0D: 8ove yo , Aally4 /all me the min te yo #et o t o" D/ and let me %now yo re sa"e. A,88GAT,0: I love yo too. EUNI+T,0D 34 8,20,5OF: 8enny, Im #oin# o t sho$$in#, i" yo come home and the delivery comes, can yo $lease ma%e s re the mil% is anti!iotic+"ree not j st "at+"ree this time and that they didnt "or#et the 8ava))a Q alitR Oro Es$resso. Then $ t the veal and the whole !ran)ino in the "rid#e and set the white $eaches o t on the co nterto$, Ill ta%e care o" them later. Dont "or#et to $ t the "ish and veal in the "rid#e, 8enny4 ,nd i" yo re #oin# to do the dishes $lease wi$e down the co nterto$. Go always leave water all over the $lace. Go re worried a!o t roaches and water ! #s, what do yo thin% theyre attracted to3 <ave a #ood day, nerd+"ace. E nice THE NUCLEAR OPTION FROM THE DIARIES OF LENNY ABRAMOV

JUNE DJ Dear Diary, I learned how to say 'ele$hant( in Korean this wee%. -e went to the 2ron= _oo, !eca se Noah -ein!er# said on his stream that the ,0, was #oin# to close the $lace down and shi$ all the animals to Aa di ,ra!ia 'to die o" heatstro%e.( I never %now which $art o" Noahs streams to !elieve, ! t, the way we live now, yo can never !e too s re. -e had " n with the mon%eys and 'Jos[ the 2eaver( and all the smaller animals, ! t the hi#hli#ht was this !ea ti" l savannah ele$hant named Aammy. -hen we am!led $ to his h m!le enclos re, E nice #ra!!ed my nose and said, 'Cokiri.( 'Co,( she e=$lained, 'means Mnose. Cokiri. 8on# nose. MEle$hant in Korean.( 'I ha! a lon# dose !eca se Im Jewish,( I said, tryin# to $ ll her hand o"" my "ace. 'Deres d thin# I can do a!o d it.( 'Go re so sensitive, 8enny,( she said, la #hin#. 'I heart yo r nose so much. I wish I had a nose.( ,nd she started %issin# my comma o" a sno t in " ll view o" the $achyderm, #oin# #ently $ and down the endless thin# with her to #h little li$s. ,s she did so, I loc%ed eyes with the ele$hant, and I watched mysel" !ein# %issed in the $rism o" the ele$hants eye, the #iant ha)el a$$arat s s rro nded with "lec%s o" coarse #ray eye!row. <e was twenty+"ive, Aammy, at the middle o" his li"es$an, m ch li%e I was. , lonely ele$hant, the only one the )oo had at the moment, removed "rom his com$atriots and "rom the $ossi!ility o" love. <e slowly "lic%ed !ac% one massive ear, li%e a 7alician sho$%ee$er o" a cent ry a#o s$readin# his arms as i" to say, 'Ges, this is all there is.( ,nd then it occ rred to me, l c%y me mirrored in the !easts eye, l c%y 8enny havin# his tr n% %issed !y E nice 1ar%: 3he ele hant knows. The ele$hant %nows there is nothin# a"ter this li"e and very little in it. The ele$hant is aware o" his event al e=tinction and he is h rt !y it, red ced !y it, made to "eel his solitary nat re, he who will event ally tram$le his way thro #h ! sh and scr ! to lie down and die where his mother once trem!led at her ha nches to #ive him li"e. 5other, aloneness, entra$ment, e=tinction. The ele$hant is essentially an ,sh%ena)i animal, ! t a wholly rational one@it too wants to live "orever. '8ets #o,( I said to E nice. 'I dont want kokiri to see yo %issin# my nose li%e that. Itll only ma%e him sadder.( ',w,( she said. 'Go re so sweet to animals, 8en. I thin% thats a #ood si#n. 5y dad had a do# once and he really too% care o" her.( Ges, diary, so many #ood si#ns4 A ch a $ositive wee%. 1ro#ress on every "ront. <ittin# most o" the im$ortant cate#ories. 8ovVin#W E nice &1oint No. E*, 2eVin#W Nice to 1arents &-ithin 8imits* &1oint No. J*, and -or%Vin#W <ard "or Joshie &No. 1*. Ill #et to o r &yes, our4* visit with the ,!ramovs in a second, ! t let me #ive yo a little !rea%down on the wor% sit ation. -ell, the "irst thin# I did at 1ost+< man Aervices was march into the Eternity 8o n#e and tal% to the # y in the red !andana and AUK DIK s it, who $ t me on his stream '1;1 1eo$le -e Need to Ceel Aorry Cor,( Darryl "rom 2rown, who stole my des% while I was in 0ome. '<ey, # y,( I said. '8oo%, I a$$reciate the attention, ! t I #ot this new #irl"riend with N:; C c%a!ility(@I had made s re to $ t an Ima#e o" E nice I had ta%en at the )oo "ront and center on my I$$IrIt screen@'and Im %ind o", li%e, tryin# to $lay it real coolio with her. Ao wo ld yo mind ta%in# me o"" yo r stream3( 'C c% yo , 0hes s,( the yo n# "ellow said. 'I do whatever I want. Go re not, li%e, my $arent. ,nd even i" yo so were my $arent Id still tell yo to #o $l # yo rsel".( ,s !e"ore, c te yo n# $eo$le were la #hin# at o r interaction, their la #hter slow and thic% and " ll o" ed cated malice. I

was "ran%ly too st nned to re$ly &I was o" the o$inion that I was slowly !e"riendin# the AUK DIK # y*, and even more st nned when my co+wor%er Kelly Nardl ste$$ed o t "rom !ehind the "astin#+#l cose tester, her arms crossed over the redness o" her nec% and chest, her chin #listenin# with al%ali)ed water. 'Dont yo dare tal% to 8enny li%e that, Darryl,( she said. '-ho do yo thin% yo are3 -hat, j st !eca se hes older than yo 3 I cant wait to see yo hit thirty. Ive seen yo r charts. Go ve #ot major str ct ral dama#e "rom when yo were into heroin and car!s, and yo r whole st $id 2oston "amily is $redis$osed to alcoholism and whatever the " c%. Go thin% yo r meta!olism is j st #oin# to %ee$ yo s%inny li%e that "orever3 5in s the e=ercise3 -hen was the last time I saw yo wor%in# o t at _ero5ass or No 2ody3 Go are #oin# to a#e fast, my "riend.( Ahe too% me !y the arm. '/ome on, 8enny,( she said. 'Its j st !eca se he sed to !e a ! ddy o" Joshies,( Darryl sho ted a"ter s. 'Go thin% that #ives yo a ri#ht to de"end him3 Im #oin# to tell on !oth o" yo to <oward Ah .( '<e didnt used to !e a ! ddy o" Joshies,( Kelly #rowled at him, and how deli#ht" l she loo%ed when enra#ed, those "ierce ,merican eyes, the "orthri#htness o" her tremendo s jaw. 'Theyre still "riends. I" it werent "or Ori#inal 7an#sters li%e 8enny, there wo ld !e no 1ost+< man Aervices and yo wo ldnt have yo r "at salary and !ene"its, and yo d $ro!a!ly !e #ettin# an 5.C.,. in so+ called art and design at AUNG 1 rchase ri#ht a!o t now, yo little t rd. Ao !e than%" l to yo r elders or I will fuck !ou u .( -e !oth le"t the Eternity 8o n#e $ro d and con" sed, as i" we had stood $ to some cra)ed, violent child, and I ended $ than%in# Kelly "or hal" an ho r, ntil she %indly told me to sh t $. I worried that Darryl wo ld tell <oward Ah , who wo ld tell Joshie, who wo ld #et $set that Kelly was stressin# Darryl o t, the stressin# o t o" Darryl ty$es a !i# no+no in o r or#ani)ation. 'I dont care,( she said, 'Im thin%in# a!o t 6 ittin# anyway. 5ay!e Ill move !ac% to A.C.( The idea o" leavin# 1ost+< man Aervices, o" #ivin# $ on Inde"inite 8i"e E=tension and e%in# o t a small hairy li"etime in the 2ay ,rea, seemed to me tantamo nt to $l n#in# o"" the Em$ire Atate 2 ildin# with s ch mass and velocity that the myriad o" sa"ety nets wo ld sna$ !eneath yo ntil yo r s% ll %new the $avement. I massa#ed Kellys sho lders. 'Dont,( I said. 'Dont even thin% a!o t it, Kel. -ere #oin# to stic% !y Joshie "orever.( 2 t Kelly never #ot re$rimanded. Instead, when I wal%ed into o r syna#o# es main sanct ary one h mid mornin#, 8ittle 2o!!y /ohen, the yo n#est 1ost+< man sta""er &I thin% hes nineteen years old at the most*, a$$roached me wearin# a %ind o" sa""ron mon% #et $. '/ome with me, 8eonard,( he said, his 2ar 5it)vah voice strainin# nder the $ro" ndity o" what he was a!o t to do. 'Oh, whats all this3( I as%ed, my heart $ m$in# !lood so hard my toes h rt. ,s he led me to a tiny !ac% o""ice where, j d#in# !y the sweet+!riny smell, the "ormer syna#o# es #e"ilte+"ish s $$ly was stored, 8ittle 2o!!y san#: '5ay yo live "orever, may yo never %now death, may yo "loat li%e Joshie, on a new!orns !reath.( 5y 7od4 The Des%in# /eremony. ,nd there it was, s rro nded !y a do)en sta""ers and o r leader &who h ##ed and %issed me*@my new des%4 ,s Kelly "ed me a ceremonial #arlic ! l!, "ollowed !y some s #ar+"ree niacin mints, I s rveyed all the $retty yo n# $eo$le who had do !ted me, all those Darryls and "riends o" Darryls, and I "elt the 6 easy, merc rial j stice o" the world. I was !ac%4 5y 0oman "ail res were near+erased. Now I co ld !e#in a#ain. I ran o t into the syna#o# es sanct ary, where The 2oards were noisily re#isterin# my e=istence, the dronin# ! t com"ortin# so nd o" the letters '8ENNG ,.( "li$$in# into $lace at the very !ottom o" one o" the !oards, alon# with my last !lood wor%@not so hot@and the $romisin# mood indicator 'mee% ! t coo$erative.( 5y des%. ,ll three s6 are "eet o" it, shiny and slee%, " ll o" te=t and streams and Ima#es risin# $ "rom its di#ital s r"ace, a des% $ro!a!ly worth the DE9,;;; y an+$e##ed dollars I still owed <oward Ah . I#norin# the Eternity 8o n#e as i" it were now !eneath me, I s$ent the ! l% o" my wor%in# wee% at my des%, o$enin# $ several data streams at once so that I resem!led a man too ! sy to !other with sociali)in#. ,""ectin# a #od+li%e air@my E nice+%issed $ro!oscis $ointed toward the ceilin#, !oth hands caressin# the data in "ront o" me, as i" ready to ma%e man o t o" clay@I scanned the "iles o" o r $ros$ective 8i"e 8overs. Their white, !eati"ic, mostly male "aces &o r research shows that women are more concerned with ta%in# care o" their $ro#eny than with livin# "orever* "lashed !e"ore me, tellin# me a!o t their charita!le activities, their $lans "or h manity, their concern "or o r chronically ill $lanet, their dreams o" eternal transcendence with li%e+minded y an !illionaires. I # essed that the last time they had !een so $ain" lly dishonest was when they $enned their a$$lications to Awarthmore "orty years earlier. I $ic%ed o t the $ro"iles that a$$ealed the most to me, some "or the s al "inancial, intellect al, or 'd ra!ility( &health* reasons, ! t others !eca se they co ld not %ee$ the "ear o t o" their eyes, the "ear that, "or all the wealth and sinec res they had amassed, "or all their s $$licatin# children and #randchildren, the end was irreversi!le, the la$se into the void a tra#edy !e"ore which all tra#edies were scandalo sly trite, their $ro#eny a jo%e, their accom$lishments a dro$ o" "resh water in a salty ocean. I scanned the #ood cholesterol and the !ad, the estro#en ! ild $s and the "inancial crac%+ $s, ! t mostly I was loo%in# "or the e6 ivalent o" Joshies " nny lim$: ,n admission o" wea%ness and insi#ni"icance> an all sion to the !road n"airness and cosmic !l nderin# o" the niverse we inha!it. ,nd an intense desire to set it ri#ht. One o" my Inta%es, lets call him 2arry, ran a small 0etail em$ire in the Ao thern states. <e loo%ed s ita!ly cowed !y what <oward Ah m st have told him !e"ore he was handed over to me. -e acce$ted, on avera#e, 1: $ercent o" o r <i#h Net -orth a$$licants, o r dreaded rejection letter still sent o t !y act al $ost. The Inta%e lasted a while. 2arry, tryin# to s !d e any remainin# trace o" his ,la!ama drawl, wanted to so nd %nowled#ea!le a!o t o r wor%. <e as%ed a!o t cell lar ins$ection, re$air, and reconstr ction. I $ainted him a three+dimensional $ict re o" millions o" a tonomo s nano!ots inside his well+$reserved s6 ash+$layin# !ody, e=tractin# n trients, s $$lementin#, deliverin#, $layin# with the ! ildin# !loc%s, co$yin#, mani$ latin#, re$ro#rammin#, re$lacin# !lood, destroyin# harm" l !acteria and vir ses, monitorin# and identi"yin# $atho#ens, reversin# so"t+tiss e destr ction, $reventin# !acterial in"ection, re$airin# DN,. I tried to remem!er how enth siastic I had !een $on "irst joinin# Joshies enter$rise as an NGU senior. I sed my hands a lot, the way the "aded 0oman actors had done at da Tonino, the resta rant where I had ta%en E nice and "ed her the s$icy e##$lant. '<ow soon3( 2arry as%ed, visi!ly e=cited !y m! e=citement. '-hen will all this !e $ossi!le3( '-ere almost there,( I said, des$airin#. The DE9,;;; y an+$e##ed dollars I owed <oward Ah wo ld !e ded cted on the "irst o" the ne=t month. That money was s $$osed to !e my de$osit "or the "irst o" many !eta dechroni"ication treatments. Cor#et my

name on The 2oards. The train was $ llin# o t o" the station and I was r nnin# !ehind it, my s itcase hal" o$en, white nderwear s$illin# comically alon# the $lat"orm. I too% 2arry all the way over to the wasteland o" Gor% ,ven e to o r research center, the ten+story sla! o" concrete that once served as an adj nct to a lar#e hos$ital. It was time "or him to meet o t Indians. -e have this /ow!oys and Indians theme #oin# on at 1ost+< man Aervices. ,t the 8i"e 8overs O treach division we call o rselves /ow!oys> the 'Indians( are the act al research sta"", mostly on loan "rom the A !continent and East ,sia, ho sed at an ei#hty+tho sand+s6 are+"oot "acility on Gor% and at three satellite locations in , stin, Te=as> /oncord, 5assach setts> and 1ortland, Ore#on. The Indians %ee$ thin#s $retty sim$le. There really isnt m ch to see in the areas to which visitors are allowed@!asically the same thin# yo see in any o""ice@yo n# $eo$le with I$$IrIti, imm ne to the rest o" the world, may!e the occasional #lass ca#e "illed with mice or some %ind o" s$innin# thin#ama!o!. Two o" o r most socia!le # ys, !oth named 1ra!al, came o t to #reet him "rom the cancer and viral la!s and ! rdened him with yet more terminolo#y while lettin# o t a "ew $racticed $romos: '-ere $ast the al$ha testin#, 5r. 2arry. Id say were de"initely at the !eta sta#e.( 2ac% at the syna#o# e, I #ave 2arry the willin#ness+to+live test. The <+scan test to meas re the s !jects !iolo#ical a#e. The willin#ness+to+$ersevere+in+di""ic lt+conditions test. The In"inite Aadness End rance Test. The res$onse+to+loss+o"+child test. <e m st have sensed how m ch was at sta%e, his shar$ -,A1+y !ea% a6 iver as the Ima#es were $rojected a#ainst his $ $ils, the res lts streamin# on my I$$IrIt. <e wo ld do anythin# to $ersevere. <e was saddened !y li"e, !y the endless $ro#ression "rom one so rce o" $ain to another, ! t not more than most. <e had three children and wo ld clin# to them "orever, even i" his $resent+day !an% acco nt wo ld not !e a!le to $reserve more than two for eternit!. I entered 'Ao$hies /hoice( on my inta%e I$$IrIt, a major $ro!lem as "ar as Joshie was concerned. 2arry was e=ha sted. The 1atterson+/lay+Achwart) 8an# a#e /o#nition Test, the "inal !arometer "or selection, co ld await another session. I %new already that this $er"ectly reasona!le, $reternat rally %ind "i"ty+two+year+old wo ld not ma%e the c t. <e was doomed, li%e me. ,nd so I smiled at him, con#rat lated him on his candor and $atience, his intellect and mat rity, and with a ta$ o" my "in#er a#ainst my di#ital des% threw him onto the !la)in# " neral $yre o" history. I "elt shitty a!o t 2arry, ! t even shittier a!o t mysel". Joshies o""ice was crammed with $eo$le all day lon#, ! t d rin# a 6 iet moment I "o nd him !y the window, starin# 6 i))ically at a s%y o" ntrammeled !l e, j st a "at lone military helico$ter tr d#in# toward the East 0iver, its armored !ea% $ointed downward as i" it were a $redatory !ird h ntin# "or "ood. I sidled $ to him. <e nodded, not n"riendly, ! t with some tired reserve. I told him the story o" 2arry, stressin# the mans innate #oodness and his $ro!lem o" havin# too many children, whom he loved, and not eno #h money to save all o" them, which elicited a shr # on his $art. 'Those who want to live "orever will "ind a means o" doin# so,( Joshie said, a cornerstone o" the 1ost+< man $hiloso$hy. '<ey, 7ri))ly,( I said, 'do yo thin% yo can $ t me in "or some o" the dechroni"ication treatments at a red ced rate3 J st !asic so"t+tiss e maintenance, and may!e a "ew !io years shaved o""3( Joshie re#arded the nine+"oot "i!er#lass 2 ddha that " rnished his otherwise em$ty o""ice, its !lissed+o t #a)e emittin# al$ha rays. 'Thats only "or clients,( he said. 'Go %now that, 0hes s. -hy do yo have to ma%e me say it o t lo d3 Atic% with the diet and e=ercise. Use stevia instead o" s #ar. Go ve still #ot a lot o" li"e le"t in yo .( 5y sadness "illed the room, too% over its s6 are, sim$le conto rs, crowdin# o t even Joshies s$ontaneo s rose+$etal odor. 'I didnt mean that,( Joshie said. 'Not j st a lot o" li"e. 5ay!e "orever. 2 t yo cant "ool yo rsel" into thin%in# thats a certainty.( 'Go ll see me die someday,( I said, and immediately "elt !ad "or sayin# it. I tried, as I had done since childhood, to "eel none=istence. I "orced coldness to r n thro #h the nat ral h midity o" my h n#ry second+#eneration+immi#rant !ody. I tho #ht o" my $arents. -e wo ld all !e dead to#ether. Nothin# wo ld remain o" o r tired, !ro%en race. 5y mother had !o #ht three adjoinin# $lots at a 8on# Island Jewish cemetery. 'Now we can !e to#ether "orever,( she had told me, and I had nearly !ro%en down in tears at her mis$laced o$timism, at the notion that she wo ld want to s$end her idea o" eternity@and what co ld her eternity ossibl! com$rise3 @with her "ail re o" a son. 'Go ll see me e=tin# ished,( I told Joshie. 'That wo ld !e a !i# heart!rea% "or me, 8enny,( Joshie said, his voice !ro%en with e=ha stion, or may!e j st !oredom. 'Three h ndred years "rom now, yo wont even remem!er me. J st some "l n%y.( 'Nothin# is # aranteed,( Joshie said. 'Even I can never !e s re o" whether my $ersonality will s rvive "orever.( 'It will,( I said. , "ather sho ld never o tlive his child, I wanted to add, altho #h I %new Joshie wo ld disa#ree on $rinci$le. <e $ t his hand on the side o" my nec% and s6 ee)ed li#htly. I leaned in to him a little, ho$in# "or more o" his to ch. <e massa#ed so"tly. There was nothin# s$ecial in that> we 1ost+< man sta""ers massa#e one another re# larly. Atill, I soa%ed in his warmth and !elieved it was only "or me. I tho #ht o" E nice 1ar% and her $<+!alanced !ody, healthy and stron#. I tho #ht o" the warm early+s mmer day #atherin# in "orce o tside the !ay window, the New Gor% o" early s mmers $ast, the city that sed to hold so many $romises, the city o" a million IOUs. I tho #ht o" E nices li$s on my nose, the love mi=ed in with the $ain, the "oretaste o" almonds and salt. I tho #ht o" how it was all j st too !ea ti" l to ever let #o. '-ere only #ettin# started, 8enny,( Joshie said, his stron# hand s6 ee)in# li%e a clam$ at my tired "lesh. 'Cor now, diet and e=ercise. Coc s on the wor% to %ee$ yo r mind ! sy, ! t dont overthin% or #ive in to an=iety. Theres #oin# to !e loads o" tsuris ahead. 3rouble,( he clari"ied, when I didnt catch on to the Giddish word. '2 t also loads o" o$$ort nities "or the ri#ht %ind o" $eo$le. ,nd, he!, !e ha$$y yo #ot yo r des% !ac%.( 'The 8I2O0 rates "allen "i"ty+seven !asis $oints accordin# to /risisNet,( I said %nowled#ea!ly. 2 t he was loo%in# into my I$$IrIt, at an Ima#e o" E nice "lashin# hard a!ove the other data streams. Ahe was $ict red at a weddin# o" one o" her ridic lo sly yo n# Elder!ird /olle#e "riends in so thern /ali"ornia, wearin# a !lac% $ol%a+dotted dress that cl n# to her "rame, des$erately tryin# to coa= o t the $reliminaries o" an ad lt womans !ody. <er s%in #lowed in the warm a"ternoon s n, and her loo% was one o" coy $leas re. 'Thats E nice,( I said. 'Thats my #irl. I thin% yo ll really li%e her. Do yo li%e her3(

'Ahe loo%s healthy.( 'Than% yo ,( I said, !eamin#. 'I can "orward yo an Ima#e o" her i" yo d li%e. Ahes li%e a $oster child "or eternity.( 'Thats o%ay,( he said. <e loo%ed at the Ima#e some more. '7ood !oy, 8enny,( he said. '-ell done.( ` ` ` The ne=t day, E nice and I too% the 8on# Island 0ail 0oad to -est! ry, 8on# Island, to meet the ,!ramovs. The love I "elt "or her on that train ride had a ca$ital and $rovinces, $arishes and a Fatican, an oran#e $lanet and many s llen moons@it was systemic and it was com$lete. I %new E nice was not ready to meet my $arents, ! t she was doin# it anyway, and she was doin# it to $lease me. This was the "irst major %indness she had shown me, and I was drownin# in a$$reciation. 5y sweet #irl was nervo s almost to the $oint o" 6 a%in# &how many times co ld she rea$$ly her li$ #loss and wi$e the shine o"" her nose3*, which showed that she cared a!o t me. Ahe was dressed "or the occasion, an e=tra $inch o" conservatism in her o t"it, a s%y+!l e !lo se with a 1eter 1an collar and white ! ttons, $leated wool s%irt reachin# down !elow the %nees, a !lac% ri!!on tied aro nd the nec%@"rom certain an#les, she loo%ed li%e one o" the Orthodo= Jewish women who have overr n my ! ildin#. The s al Korean elder+worshi$ and elder+"ear !ro #ht o t a stran#e immi#rant $ride in me. -ith E nice sweatin# so handsomely on her oran#e $leather comm ter+train seat, I co ld $roject the nat ral lon#evity o" o r relationshi$, and, "or a moment at least, the "eelin# that we were " l"illin# o r nat ral roles as the o""s$rin# o" di""ic lt $arents "rom a!road. There was somethin# else too. 5y "irst love "or a Korean #irl develo$ed on the 8on# Island 0ail 0oad some twenty+"ive years a#o. I had !een a "reshman at a $resti#io s math+and+science hi#h school in Tri!eca. 5ost o" the other %ids were ,sian, and altho #h technically yo had to live within the con"ines o" New Gor% /ity to attend, there were more than a "ew o" s who "a%ed o r residency and comm ted "rom vario s $arcels o" 8on# Island. The ride to -est! ry amidst do)ens o" "ellow nerd+st dents was a $artic larly di""ic lt one, !eca se it was $ !lic %nowled#e at the science hi#h school that my wei#hted avera#e was a dismal :..:9O, while at least 91.JJ; had !een recommended "or entry into /ornell or the University o" 1ennsylvania, the wea%est o" the Ivy 8ea# e schools &as immi#rant children "rom hi#h+$er"ormin# nations, we %new o r $arents wo ld sla$ s across the mo th "or anythin# less than 1enn*. Aeveral o" the Korean and /hinese !oys who too% the railroad with me@their s$i%y hair still ha nts my most literal dreams@wo ld dance aro nd me sin#in# my avera#e, 'Ei#hty+si= $oint ei#ht nine "o r, ei#hty+si= $oint ei#ht nine "o r4( 'Go wont even #et into O!erlin with that.( '<ave " n at NGU, ,!ramov.( 'Aee yo at the University o" /hica#o4 Its the teacher o" teachers4( 2 t there was one #irl, another E nice@a E nice /hoi, to !e e=act@a tall, 6 iet !ea ty, who wo ld $ry the !oys away "rom me while sho tin#, 'Its not 8ennys "a lt he cant do well in school4 0emem!er what 0everend A n# says. -ere all di""erent. -e all have di""erent a!ilities. 0emem!er the Call o" 5an3 -ere all "allen creat res.( ,nd then shed sit down with me and, n!idden, hel$ me with my im$ossi!le chemistry homewor%, movin# the stran#e letters and n m!ers aro nd my note!oo% ntil the e6 ations were, "or some reason, deemed '!alanced,( while I, tterly n!alanced !y the ma#ical #irl ne=t to me, her sil%en s%in #lowin# !eneath her s mmer #ym shorts and oran#e 1rinceton jersey, tried to catch a !rie" smell o" her hair or a !r sh o" her hard el!ow. It was the "irst time a woman had risen to de"end me, had #iven me the in%lin# o" an idea that I sho ld act ally !e de"ended, that I wasnt a !ad $erson, j st not as s%illed at li"e as some others. ,t -est! ry, E ny and I disem!ar%ed !e"ore an armored $ersonnel carrier sittin# !y the s6 at station ho se, its .J;+cali!er 2rownin# # n !o ncin# $ and down, trac%in# the de$artin# train as i" wavin# a "ond, s$irited "arewell. National 7 ardsmen were chec%in# the I$$IrIti o" the diverse crowd, Aalvadorans and Irish and Ao th ,sians and Jews and whoever else had chosen to ma%e this corner o" central 8on# Island the rich, smelly ta$estry it has now !ecome. The troo$s a$$eared an#rier and more s n! rned than s al> $erha$s they had j st !een rotated o t "rom Fene) ela. Two men@one !rown+s%inned, one not@had !een ta%en o"" the line and were !ein# $ shed into the ,1/. ,ll yo co ld hear were the whirs and clic%s o" o r I$$IrIti !ein# downloaded and the com$etin# chir$in# o" the cicadas emer#ed "rom their seven+year sl m!er. ,nd the loo%s on the "aces o" my co ntrymen@$assive heads !ent, arms at their tro sers, everyone # ilty o" not !ein# their !est, o" not earnin# their daily !read, the %ind o" docility I had never e=$ected "rom ,mericans, even a"ter so many years o" o r decline. <ere was the tiredness o" "ail re im$osed on a co ntry that !elieved only in its o$$osite. <ere was the end $rod ct o" o r dee$ moral e=ha stion. I almost teened Nettie Cine a messa#e, !e##in# her to lend me some o" that s$ar%lin# native+!orn ho$e. Did she really thin% thin#s were #oin# to #et !etter3 , $a nched, #oateed mu6hik in a camo "la#ed helmet scanned my I$$IrIt with an nha$$y dis$lay o" teeth and a # st o" mornin# !reath that had lasted well into the a"ternoon. '5alicio s ervision o" data,( he !ar%ed at me in an accent that I $laced somewhere !etween ,$$alachia and the dee$er Ao th, the word 'data( now a three+sylla!le wonder. &<ow did this "a =+Kent c%ian !ecome a New York National 7 ardsman3* '-hat the hec%, son3( he said. I de"lated immediately. The world momentarily retreated into its conto rs. 5ore than anythin#, I was scared to !e scared in "ront o" E nice. I was her $rotector in this world. 'No,( I said. 'No, sir. Thats !ein# "i=ed. Thats a mista%e. I was on a $lane "rom 0ome with a seditio s "at man. I told the otter MAome Italians ! t I # ess he tho #ht MAomalians.( The soldier held $ a hand. 'Go wor% "or Ataatlin#+-a$ach n#3( he as%ed, mis$rono ncin# the com$licated name o" my em$loyer at at least "o r j nct res. 'Ges, sir. 1ost+< man Aervices division, sir.( The word 'sir( "elt li%e a !ro%en wea$on at my "eet. ,#ain I wished my $arents were nearer to me, even tho #h they were less than two miles away. I tho #ht o" Noah "or some reason. /o ld he really !e colla!oratin# with the ,0,, as Fishn had s ##ested3 I" so, co ld he hel$ me ri#ht now3 'Deny and im$ly3( '-hat3( The man si#hed. 'Do yo deny the e#-istence o" o r conversation and im$ly consent3(

'Ges. O" co rse4( 'Cin#er$rint here.( I #ra)ed the $ad o" his thic% !rown I$$IrIt with my th m!. , "lic% o" the wrist. '5ove alon#.( ,nd as I did so, a le#end on the armored $ersonnel carrier ca #ht my eye: '-,1,/<UN7 /ONTIN7EN/G EQUI15ENT 8E,AEPO-N.( -a$ach n# /ontin#ency was the "ri#htenin#ly $ro"ita!le sec rity !ranch o" o r $arent com$any. -hat the hell was #oin# on here3 -e too% a ca! to my $arents ho se, $assin# vario s e=am$les o" modest two+story ca$es covered with al min m sidin#, New Gor% Gan%ee $ennants streamin# "rom every other door@the %ind o" strivin# nei#h!orhood where all the money #oes into the "orty+!y+h ndred+"oot lawns, which even in the overri$e heat o" the East /oast s mmer !ristle with care" lly c ltivated #reenness. I "elt a little em!arrassed, !eca se I %new that E nices $arents were m ch !etter o"" than mine, ! t I was $leased at how thin#s had wor%ed o t with that twan#in# National 7 ardsman, at the a$$earance o" $ower and #race that had !een !estowed $on me as an em$loyee o" the mi#hty Ataatlin#+-a$ach n# /or$oration, which was now a$$arently armin# the National 7 ard. '-ere yo scared !ac% there, E ny3( I as%ed. 'I %now my kokiri isnt some deviant criminal,( she said, r !!in# my nose and leanin# "orward so that I co ld %iss her !row, cele!rate the "act that she co ld ma%e jo%es in these di""ic lt times. In a "ew min tes we reached the corner o" -ashin#ton ,ven e and 5yron, the most im$ortant corner o" my li"e. I co ld already see my $arents !rownish hal"+!ric%, hal"+st cco ca$e, the #olden mail!o= o t in "ront, the "a = nineteenth+cent ry lam$ !eside it, the chea$ lawn chairs stac%ed on the island o" cement that $assed "or the "ront $orch, a !lac% horse+and+carria#e moti" across the steel screen door &I do not mean to !esmirch their taste> all this j n% came with the ho se*, and the #i#antic "la#s o" the United Atates o" ,merica and Aec rityAtate Israel !illowin# in the ha)y !ree)e "rom two "la#$oles. The "lavor" l h s% o" 5r. Fida, my $arents nei#h!or and my "athers !est "riend, waved "rom the $orch across the street, and sho ted somethin# enco ra#in# at me and $ossi!ly salacio s at E nice. 2oth my dad and 5r. Fida had !een en#ineers in their homelands red ced to wor%in#+class li"e: !i# call sed hands, small horny !odies, clever !rown eyes, a thic%ly landsca$ed conservatism, and strivin#, h stlin# children, three "or 5r. Fida to my "athers one. <is son ,n j and I went to NGU to#ether, and now the little !astard was a senior analyst at ,llied-aste/FA/iti#ro $. I too% E nices arm and led her over my $arents $ristine lawn. ,t the door my mother a$$eared in her s al o t"it@white $anties and tilitarian !ra@a woman who since ta%in# her retirement had committed hersel" to intensive ho se!o nd livin# and whom I havent seen in $ro$er dress "or years. Ahe was a!o t to throw her arms aro nd my nec% in ty$ically over!lown "ashion when she noticed E nice, let o t some 0 ssian #ar!le o" ama)ement, and retreated inside the ho se, leavin# me, $er the s al, with the vis als o" her thic% #ravity+$ lled !reasts and white little ro nd o" !elly. 5y "ather, shirtless, in stained !ei#e shorts, soon too% her $lace, also #a$ed at E nice, ran his hand a#ainst his na%ed m sc lar !reasts $erha$s o t o" em!arrassment, said 'O4( then h ##ed me anyway. There was hair a#ainst my new dress shirt, the #ray car$et that my "ather wore with an odd to ch o" class, as i" he were a royal in some tro$ical co ntry. <e %issed me on !oth chee%s and I did the same, "eelin# the "lood o" intimacy, o" s dden closeness with a $erson who s ally or!ited so "ar away "rom me. The instr ctions, the /on" cian+li%e code o" 0 ssian "ather+son relations, s$ooled in my mind: Cather means I have to love him, have to listen to him, cant o""end him, cant h rt him, cant !rin# him to tas% "or $ast wron#s> an old man now, de"enseless, deservin# o" all I can o""er. 5y mother rea$$eared in shorts and a wi"e+!eater. DSinotchekB &'8ittle son(*, she sho ted, and %issed me in the same meanin#" l way. '8oo% whos come to s4 Nash l!ubimeits( &'O r "avorite(*. Ahe shoo% E nices hand, and !oth o" my $arents swi"tly eval ated her, a""irmed that she was, li%e her $redecessors, not Jewish, ! t 6 ietly a$$roved o" the "act that she was thin and attractive with a healthy !lac% mane o" hair. 5y mother nwra$$ed her own $recio s !lond loc%s "rom the #reen hand%erchie" that %e$t them sa"e "rom the ,merican s n and smiled $rettily at E nice, her s%in #entle and $ale, a#ed only aro nd the "rantically movin# mo th. Ahe !e#an tal%in# in her !rave $ost+retirement En#lish a!o t how #lad she was to have a $otential da #hter+in+law &a $erennial dream@two women a#ainst two men, !etter odds at the dinner ta!le*, "illin# in the conto rs o" her loneliness with ra$id+"ire 6 estions a!o t my mysterio s li"e in "araway New Gor%. 'Does 8enny %ee$ clean ho se3 Does he vac m3 Once, I came to colle#e dormitory, o%h, aw" l4 A ch smell4 Dead "ic s tree4 Old cheese on ta!le. Aoc%s han#in# in window.( E nice smiled and s$o%e in my "avor. '<es very #ood, 5s. ,!ramov. <es very clean.( I loo%ed at her with endearment. Aomewhere !eneath the !ri#ht s ! r!an s%ies I "elt the $resence o" a .J;+cali!er 2rownin# # n swivelin# toward an incomin# 8on# Island 0ail 0oad train, ! t here I stood, s rro nded !y the $eo$le who loved me. 'I #ot Ta#amet "rom the disco nt $harmacy,( I said to my "ather, ta%in# "ive !o=es o t o" the !a# Id !ro #ht. 'Than% yo , malenkii( &'little one(*, my "ather said, ta%in# hold o" his !eloved dr #. '1e$tic lcer,( he said to E nice #ravely, $ointin# at the de$th o" his tort red stomach. 5y mother had already #ra!!ed hold o" the !ac% o" my head and was madly stro%in# my hair. 'Ao #ray,( she said, sha%in# her head in an e=a##erated way, as i" she were an ,merican comedic actress. 'Ao old he #ets. ,lmost "orty. 8yonya, what is ha$$enin# to yo 3 Too m ch stress3 ,lso losin# hair. Oh my 7od4( I shoo% her o"". -hy was everyone so concerned a!o t my decline3 'Go are named E nice,( my "ather said. 'Do yo %now where it come "rom, s ch name3( '5y $arents B( E nice #amely !e#an. 'It "rom the 7ree%, !oo-nee-ka!. 5eanin# Mvictorio s.( <e la #hed, ha$$y to demonstrate that, !e"ore he was "orced to !e a janitor in ,merica, he had served as a 6 asi+intellect al and minor dandy on 5oscows ,r!at Atreet. 'Ao I ho$e,( he said, 'that in li"e yo will !e victorio s also4( '-ho cares a!o t 7ree%, 2oris,( my mother said. '8oo% at how she is !ea ti" l4( The "act that my $arents admired E nices

loo%s and ca$acity "or victory !ri#htened me 6 ite a !it. ,ll these years, and I still craved their a$$roval, still lon#ed "or the carrot and stic% o" their nineteenth+cent ry child+rearin#. I instr cted mysel" to lower the heat o" my emotions, to thin% witho t the "amily !lood ! rstin# at my tem$les. 2 t it was all "or no #ht. I !ecame twelve years old as soon as I $assed the me) )ah at the "ront door. E nice !l shed at the com$liments and loo%ed at me with "ear and s r$rise, as my "ather !e#an to lead me to the livin#+room co ch "or o r s al heart+to+heart. 5y mother r shed over to the co ch with a $lastic !a# which she dra$ed over the $lace where I was a!o t to sit in my com$romised 5anhattan o terwear, then too% E nice to the %itchen, chattin# #aily to the $otential da #hter+in+law and ally a!o t how '# ys can !e so dirty, yo %now,( and how she had j st ! ilt a new stora#e device "or her many mo$s. On the co ch, my "ather dra$ed his arm aro nd my sho lders@there it was, the closeness@and said, ' Nu0 rasska6hi( &'Ao, tell me(*. I !reathed in the same !reath as he did, as i" we were connected. I "elt his a#e see$ into mine, as i" he were the "orward # ard o" my own mortality, altho #h his s%in was s r$risin#ly nwrin%led, and he !ore an odor o" vitality on his s%in, alon# with an a"tertho #ht o" decay. I s$o%e in En#lish with the tantali)in# hints o" 0 ssian I had st died ha$ha)ardly at NGU, the "orei#n words li%e raisins shinin# o t o" a loa". I mentally recorded some o" the harder words "or cons ltation with my non+di#ital O="ord 0 ssian+ En#lish dictionary !ac% home. I s$o%e a!o t wor%, a!o t my assets, a!o t the DE9,;;; y an+$e##ed dollars I owed <oward Ah &DSvoloch kitaichonokB V'8ittle /hinese swine(W, my "ather rendered his o$inion*, a!o t the most recent, "airly $ositive val ation o" my NO;+s6 are+"oot a$artment on the 8ower East Aide, a!o t all the monetary thin#s that %e$t s "ear" l and connected. I #ave him a $hotoco$y o" who I was, witho t tellin# him that I was nha$$y and h miliated and o"ten, j st li%e him, all alone. <e held $ the $endant o" my new I$$IrIt. '<ow m ch3( he said, t rnin# the thin# over, varicolored data $o rin# over his hairy "in#ers. -hen I e=$lained that the device was #ratis, he made a ha$$y snort and said in $ re En#lish: '8earn new technolo#y "or "ree is #ood.( '<ows yo r /redit3( I as%ed him. 'Eh.( <e waved the tho #ht away. 'I never #o near those 1oles, so who cares3( The "loor !eneath my "eet was clean, immi#rant clean, clean eno #h so that yo nderstood that some!ody had done their !est. 5y "ather had two old+"ashioned televi6or screens sta$led to the walls a!ove my mothers "anatically wa=ed mantel$iece. One was set to a Co=8i!erty+1rime stream, which was showin# the #rowin# tent city in /entral 1ar%, now s$readin# "rom the !ac%yard o" the 5etro$olitan 5 se m, over hill and dale, all the way down to the Ahee$ 5eadow &D4be!6ianiB V'5on%eys(W, my "ather said o" the dis$laced and homeless $rotesters*. On the other screen, Co=8i!erty+Ultra was vicio sly !roadcastin# the arrival o" the /hinese /entral 2an%er at ,ndrews ,ir Corce 2ase, o r nation lyin# $rostrate !e"ore him, o r $resident and his $retty wi"e tryin# not to shiver as a !lea% 5aryland down$o r sco red the heat+crac%ed tarmac. -hen I as%ed my "ather how he was "eelin#, he $ointed at his heart! rn and si#hed. Then he !e#an to tal% a!o t the news on 'the Co=.( Aometimes when he s$o%e I s rmised that, at least in his own mind, he had already ceased to e=ist, that he tho #ht o" himsel" as j st an em$ty s$ot cr isin# thro #h a ridic lo s world. A$ea%in# in the com$licated 0 ssian sentences that En#lish had denied him, he $raised De"ense Aecretary 0 !enstein, tal%ed a!o t all that he and the 2i$artisan 1arty had done "or o r co ntry, and how, with 0 !ensteins !lessin#, Aec rityAtate Israel sho ld now se the n clear o$tion a#ainst the ,ra!s and the 1ersians, 'in $artic lar a#ainst Damasc s, which, i" winds are $ro$erly $ositioned, s bo6hei omochu VMwith the hel$ o" 7odW, will carry $oison clo ds and "allo ts in direction o" Teheran and 2a#hdad,( as o$$osed to Jer salem and Tel ,viv. 'Go %now I saw Nettie Cine in 0ome,( I told him. ',t the em!assy.( ',nd how is o r ,merican mama3 Does she still thin% we are Mcr el3( <e la #hed, somewhat cr elly. 'Ahe thin%s the $eo$le in the $ar%s are #oin# to rise $. The e=?National 7 ardsmen. Theres #oin# to !e a revol tion a#ainst the 2i$artisans.( D+hush kakaia)B &'-hat nonsense4(* my "ather sho ted. 2 t then he tho #ht a!o t it "or a "ew moments and s$read his arms. '-hat can !e done a!o t someone li%e her3( he "inally said. D1iberalka;B I "elt my "athers !reath a#ainst my chee% "or twenty min tes as he tal%ed a!o t his com$le= $olitical li"e, then e=c sed mysel", nwo nd "rom his h mid em!race, and went to the $stairs !athroom, as my mother sho ted to me "rom the %itchen: '8enny, dont ta%e yo r shoes o"" in $stairs !athroom. 1a$a has gribok( &'athletes "oot(*. In the contaminated !athroom, I admired the stran#e !lo! o" $lastic with wooden s$o%es that %e$t my mothers serio s mo$+ collection in ready+to+access mode. ,ltho #h my $arents never had a #ood word to say a!o t <oly1etro0 ssia, the hallways were h n# with "ramed se$ia+toned $ostcards o" 0ed A6 are and the Kremlin> the snow+d sted e6 estrian stat e o" 1rince G ri Dol#or %iy, "o nder o" 5oscow &I had learned j st a !it o" 0 ssian history at my "athers %nee*> and the #othic Atalin+era s%yscra$er o" $resti#io s 5oscow Atate University, which neither o" my $arents had attended, !eca se, to hear them tell it, Jews were not allowed in !ac% then. ,s "or me, I have never !een to 0 ssia. I have not had the chance to learn to love it and hate it the way my $arents have. I have my own dyin# em$ire to contend with, and I do not wish "or any other. 5y !edroom was nearly em$ty> all the traces o" my ha!itation, the $osters and little !its o" cra$ "rom my travels, my mother had stowed away in care" lly la!eled !o=es in the closets. I reveled in the smallness, the co)iness o" an $stairs !edroom in a traditional ,merican /a$e /od ho se, the hal"+"loor that "orces yo to d c%, to "eel small and naave a#ain, ready "or anythin#, dyin# "or love, yo r !ody a chimney "illed with odd, !lac% smo%e. These s6 are, s6 at, aw%ward rooms are li%e a "i"ty+s6 are+"oot $aean to teena#e+hood, to ri$eness, to the "irst and last taste o" yo th. I cannot !e#in to tell yo how m ch the $ rchase o" this ho se, o" each tiny !edroom, had meant to my "amily and to me. I still remem!er the si#nin# at the real+estate lawyers o""ice, the three o" s !eamin# at one another, mentally "or#ivin# one another a decade and a hal" worth o" sins, the yo th" l !eatin#s administered !y my "ather, my mothers an=ieties and manias, my own teena#e s llenness, !eca se the janitor and his wi"e had done somethin# ri#ht at last4 ,nd it wo ld all !e o%ay now. There was no t rnin# !ac% "rom this, "rom the #lorio s "ort ne we had !een #ranted in the middle o" 8on# Island, "rom the care" lly cli$$ed ! shes !y the mail!o= &o r ! shes, ABRAMOV ! shes* to the o"t+mentioned /ali"ornian

$ossi!ility o" an a!ove#ro nd swimmin# $ool in the !ac%, a $ossi!ility that never came tr e, !eca se o" o r $oor "inances, ! t which co ld never !e decisively $ t to !ed either. ,nd this, my room, whose $rivacy my $arents had never res$ected, ! t where I wo ld still "ind a s mmers hot sanct ary on my #lori"ied army cot, my little teena#ed arms doin# the only nonmast r!atory thin# they were ca$a!le o", hoistin# alo"t a !i# red vol me o" /onrad, my so"t li$s movin# alon# with the dense words, the war$ed wood+$aneled walls a!sor!in# the occasional clic%s o" my ton# e. O t in the hallway, I ca #ht si#ht o" another "ramed memento. ,n essay my "ather had written in En#lish "or the newsletter o" the 8on# Island scienti"ic la!oratory where he wor%ed &it had made it onto the $a$ers "ront $a#e, to o r "amilys $ride*, and which I, as an nder#rad ate NGU En#lish major, had hel$ed to $roo"read and re"ine. T<E JOGA OC 18,GIN7 2,AKET2,882y 2O0IA ,20,5OFAometimes li"e is di""ic lt and one wishes to relieve onesel" o" the $ress res and the worries o" li"e. Aome $eo$le see a shrin%, others j m$ in a cold la%e or travel aro nd the world. 2 t I "ind nothin# more joy" l than $layin# !as%et!all. ,t the 8a!oratory we have many men &and women4* who li%e to $lay !as%et!all. They come "rom all over the world, "rom E ro$e, 8atin ,merica, and everywhere else. I cannot say I am the !est $layer, I am not so yo n# anymore, my %nees h rt, and I am also $retty short and this is a handica$. 2 t I ta%e the #ame very serio sly and when a !i# $ro!lem comes $ in my li"e and I "eel li%e I do not want to live, I sometimes li%e to $ict re mysel" on the co rt, tryin# to throw a !all "rom a #reat distance into the hoo$ or mane verin# a#ainst an a#ile o$$onent. I try to $lay in a smart way. ,s a res lt, I "ind that I am o"ten victorio s even a#ainst a m ch taller or "aster $layer, "rom ,"rica or 2ra)il, lets say. 2 t win or lose, whats im$ortant is the s$irit o" this !ea ti" l #ame. Ao i" yo have time on T esday or Th rsday at l nchtime &1D:E;*, $lease join me and yo r collea# es "or a #ood, healthy time in the $hysical ed cation center. Go ll "eel !etter a!o t yo rsel" and the worries o" li"e will 'melt away(4 <oris Abramov is a custodian in the <uildings and =rounds division. I remem!er tryin# to #et my "ather to ta%e o t the $art a!o t !ein# '$retty short,( and the !it a!o t the $ained %nees, ! t he said he wanted to !e honest. I told him in ,merica $eo$le li%ed to i#nore their wea% $oints and to stress their incredi!le accom$lishments. Now that I thin% a!o t it, I "elt # ilty a!o t !ein# !orn in Q eens and havin# lots o" n tritio s "ood on my $late, "ood that allowed me to #row to a semi+normal hei#ht o" "ive "eet and nine inches, whereas my "ather had !arely scra$ed the "ive+and+a+hal"+"oot mar%. It was he, the athlete, not I, the so"t and stationary one, who needed those e=tra inches to sail the !as%et!all $ast some 2ra)ilian $it itary #iant. The "amiliar cry o" my mother reso nded downstairs: D1!on!a0 gotovo)B &'8enny, dinner is ready4(* Down in the dinin# room, with the shiny 0omanian " rnit re the ,!ramovs had im$orted "rom their 5oscow a$artment &the totality o" it co ld !e s6 ee)ed into one small ,merican room*, the ta!le was laid o t in the hos$ita!le 0 ssian manner, with everythin# "rom "o r di""erent %inds o" $i6 ant salami to a $late o" chewy ton# e to every little "ish that ever inha!ited the 2altic Aea, not to mention the sacred dash o" !lac% caviar. E nice sat, Q een Esther?li%e in her Orthodo= #et $, at the ceremonial end o" the ta!le, $on a "l ""ed+ $ 1assover $illow, "rownin# at the attention, ns re how to deal with the stran#e c rrents o" love and its o$$osite that circ lated in the "ish+smellin# air. 5y $arents sat down, and my "ather $ro$osed a seasonal toast in En#lish: 'To the /reator, who created ,merica, the land o" "ree, and who #ive s 0 !enstein, who %ill ,ra!, and to love which is !loomin# in s ch times !etween my son and Gooo+neee+%ay, who V!i# win% to E niceW will !e victorio s, li%e A$arta over ,thens, and to the s mmer, which is most cond cive season to love, altho #h some may say s$rin#.B( -hile he went on in his !oomin# voice, a vod%a shot #lass o" some weird #ara#e+sale $rovenance sha%in# in his tro !led hand, my mother, !ored, leaned over to me and said: 'Cstati0 u tvoei "unice ochen krasiv!e 6ub!; 'o6het b!t t! 6henishs!a&( &'2y the way, yo r E nice has very $retty teeth. 5ay!e yo will marry3(* I co ld see E nices mind a!sor!in# the !asics o" my "athers s$eech &,ra!s@!ad> Jews@#ood> /hinese /entral 2an%er@ $ossi!ly o%ay> ,merica@always n m!er one in his heart*, while #a #in# the intent on my mothers "ace as she s$o%e to me in 0 ssian. E nices mind moved so 6 ic%ly thro #h "eelin#s and ideas, ! t the "ear on her "ace re"lected a li"e r shin# !y "aster than she co ld ma%e sense o" it. The toast $ t to rest, nraveled in some ha$$y $olitical m m!lin#, we shoveled in the "ood witho t reservation, all o" s "rom co ntries historically stran#led !y starvation, none o" s stran#ers to salt and !rine. 'E nice,( my mother said, '$erha$s yo can answer "or me this. -ho is 8enny !y $ro"ession3 I never can "i# re o t. <e went to NGU ! siness school. Ao he is B ! sinessman3( '5ama,( I said, lettin# o t some air, '$lease.( 'I am tal%in# to E nice,( my mother said. '7irl tal%.( I had never seen E nices "ace so serio s, even as the tail end o" a 2altic sardine disa$$eared !etween her #lossy li$s. I wondered what she mi#ht say. '8enny does very im$ortant wor%,( she told my mother. 'Its, I thin%, li%e, medicine. <e hel$s $eo$le live "orever.( 5y "athers "ist slammed the dinin# ta!le, not hard eno #h to !rea% the 0omanian contra$tion, ! t eno #h to ma%e me draw into mysel", eno #h to ma%e me worry that he mi#ht h rt me. 'Im$ossi!le4( my "ather cried. 'It !rea% every law o" $hysics and !iolo#y, "or one. Cor two, immoral, a#ainst 7od. T$hoo4 I wo ld not want s ch thin#.( '-or% is wor%,( my mother said. 'I" st $id rich ,merican want to live "orever and 8enny ma%e money, why yo care3( Ahe waved her hand at my "ather. 'At $id,( she said. 'Ges, ! t how 8enny %nows a!o t medicine3( 5y "ather lit $, !randishin# a "or% ca$$ed !y a marinated m shroom. '<e never st dy in hi#h school. -hat is his wei#hted avera#e3 Ei#hty+si= $oint ei#ht nine "o r.( 'NGU Atern 2 siness Achool rated n m!er eleven "or mar%etin#, which was 8enny s$eciali)ation,( my mother reminded him, and I warmed to her de"ense o" me. They too% t rns attac%in# and de"endin# me, as i" each wanted to si$hon o"" only so m ch o" my love, while the other co ld sta! at the cr sted+over wo nds. 5y mother t rned to E nice. 'Ao 8enny tell s yo s$ea% $er"ect Italian,( she said. E nice !l shed some more. 'No,( she said, lowerin# her eyes and c $$in# her %nees. 'Im "or#ettin# everythin#. The irre# lar ver!s.(

'8enny s$end one year in Italy,( my "ather said. '-e come to visit him. Nothing) 2leh+!leh+!leh. 2leh+!leh+!leh.( <e moved his !ody as i" to imitate my wal%in# thro #h the 0oman streets while tryin# to tal% to the natives. 'Go are liar, 2oris,( my mother said cas ally. '<e !o #ht s !ea ti" l tomato in mar%et 1ia))a Fittorio. <e !ro #ht down $rice. Three e ro.( '2 t tomato is so sim$le4( my "ather said. 'In 0 ssian omidor, in Italian omodoro. Even I %now s ch thin#4 I" he may!e ne#otiate "or s c c m!er or s6 ash B( DEatknis u6he0 <or!aB &'Ah t $ already, 2oris(*, my mother said. Ahe readj sted her s mmer !lo se and !ored her eyes into mine. '8enny, nei#h!or 5r. Fida show s yo a$$ear on stream M1;1 1eo$le -e Need to Ceel Aorry Cor. -hy do yo do it3 This dic%+s c%in# !oy, he ma%es " n o" yo . <e says yo are "at and st $id and old. Go dont eat #ood "ood and yo do not have $ro"ession and yo r C c%a!ility ran%in#s are very low. ,lso he says teb!a oni6ili VMyo have !een demotedW at the com$any. 1a$a and I are very sad a!o t this.( 5y "ather loo%ed away in some shame, while I c rled and nc rled my toes !eneath the ta!le. Ao this was at the heart o" their an#er with me. I had told them so man! times not to loo% at any streams or data a!o t me. I was a $rivate $erson with my own little world. I lived in a Nat rally Occ rrin# 0etirement /omm nity. I had j st learned to C,/. -hy co ldnt they "ind a !etter se "or their retirement years than this $ain" l scr tiny o" their only child3 -hy did they stal% me with their tomatoes and hi#h+school avera#es and '-ho are yo !y $ro"ession3( lo#ic3 ,nd then I heard E nice s$ea%, her strai#ht"orward ,merican En#lish rin#in# a#ainst the smallness o" o r ho se. 'I told him not to a$$ear in it too,( she said. ',nd he wont anymore. Go wont, ri#ht, 8enny3 Go re so #ood and smart, why do yo need to do it3( '"#actl!,( my mother said. 'E=actly, E nice.( I did not tell them that I had re#ained my des%. I did not say anythin#. I leaned !ac% and watched the two women in my li"e loo% across a #lossy 0omanian ta!le #roanin# !eneath a $lastic cover and twenty #allons o" mayonnaise and canned "ish. They were eyein# each other with a $lacid nderstandin#. Aometimes mothers and #irl"riends com$ete a#ainst one another, ! t that has never !een my e=$erience. It is 6 ite easy "or two smart women, no matter what the #a$ in their a#es and !ac%#ro nds, to come to a com$lete a#reement a!o t me. 3his child, they seemed to !e sayin# B 3his child still needs to be brought u . TEMPERANCE" CHARITY" FAITH" HOPE FROM THE GLOBALTEENS ACCOUNT OF EUNICE PARK

JUNE 25 EUNI+T,0D 34 70I882IT/<: <i 1recio s 1ony, A $, meathole3 Oh, man. Or, 'oy, man,( as my Jewish !oy"riend wo ld say. Im "eelin# so weird these days. -ish yo co ld "ly over and we co ld #o to 1adma and #et o r hair done. 5ine is #ettin# so lon# and "rea%y loo%in#. U#h. 5ay!e I sho ld #et one o" those aj mma $erms li%e o r moms have, yo j st !low dry them in the mornin# and they settle into a helmet. Im also #ettin# those "amo s aj mma hi$s too4 7reat, h h3 I loo% li%e my a nt A ewon crossed with a d c%. ,nd my ass is AO CU/KIN7 <U7E its #ettin# !i##er than 8ennys, which is one o" those cr shed middle+a#ed asses, not to #ross yo o t a#ain. Aee, were $er"ect "or each other4 J st call me Catty 5cCatty, o%ay3 Oh, 1ony o" mine. -hat am I doin# with 8enny3 <es so, li%e, !rain+smart, its intimidatin# me. I was intimidated !y 2en in 0ome !eca se o" his loo%s and I never "elt s $er+sec re in !ed !eca se o" that. -ith 8enny its easier. I can !e mysel", !eca se everythin# he does is so sweet and honest. I #ave him a hal"+#a# /I5 !low jo! and he was so #rate" l he act ally started to cry. -ho does that3 I # ess sometimes I j st want to want him as m ch as he wants me. <es already tal%in# o" marria#e, my darlin# little dor%4 ,nd I j st want him to rela= and may!e not always !e so c te and carin# and tryin# to $lease me, so that may!e I can $ rs e him a little mysel". Does that ma%e any sense3 Ao I went to 8on# Island to meet his $arents. <e !asically # ilted me into #oin#. <is dads weird and hard to nderstand, ! t I li%e his mom. Ahe doesnt ta%e cra$ "rom 8enny or her h s!and. -e even tal%ed a!o t ways 8enny co ld dress !etter and !e more assertive at wor%, and she act ally %issed me when I told her I was ta%in# 8enny sho$$in# "or !reatha!le "a!rics. Ahes so emotional, which %ind o" reminds me o" 8enny. Um, what else3 They live in a $retty $oor ho se. It loo%s li%e the %ind o" $lace my dads 5e=ican $atients sed to have in 8.,. 0emem!er 5r. <ernande), the deacon with the #im$ le#3 Theyd invite s to their little teensy ho se in Ao th /entral a"ter ch rch. I thin% his da #hter Clora died o" le %emia. ,nyway, what %ind o" "rea%ed me o t was that I saw 8en readin# a !oo%. &No, it didnt A5E88. <e ses 1ine+Aol on them.* ,nd I dont mean scannin# a te=t li%e we did in E ro /lassics with that /hatterho se o" 1arma I mean serio sly 0E,DIN7. <e had this r ler o t and he was movin# it down the $a#e very slowly and j st li%e whis$erin# little thin#s to himsel", li%e tryin# to nderstand every little $art o" it. I was #oin# to teen my sister ! t I was so em!arrassed I j st stood there and watched him read which lasted "or li%e <,8C ,N <OU0, and "inally he $ t the !oo% down and I $retended li%e nothin# ha$$ened. ,nd then I sn c% a $ee% and it was that 0 ssian # y Tolsoy he was readin# &I # ess it "i# res, ca se 8ennys $arents are "rom 0 ssia*. I tho #ht 2en was really

!rain+smart !eca se I saw him streamin# /hronicles o" Narnia in that ca"e in 0ome, ! t this Tolsoy was a tho sand $a#es lon# 2OOK, not a stream, and 8enny was almost "inished. ,nd hes too nice and h m!le to "la nt the "act that he %nows so m ch, so its not li%e Im #ettin# it in my "ace, ! t sometimes hell tal% a!o t 1olitics or /redit or somethin# and Im li%e what3 Im j st D0E,DIN7 the day when I have to see his 5edia "riends and theyll all !e tal%in# li%e that, even the #irls. I # ess i" I went to law school li%e my mother wants Id learn to !e li%e that too, ! t who the hell wants to #o to law school3 5ay!e I sho ld #o !ac% to doin# Ima#es li%e I did at Elder!ird. 1ro" 5ar#a = in ,ssertiveness /lass said I had 's $er talent( and even at /atholic the n ns all "rea%ed o t over my 's$atial s%ills.( Its weird !eca se thin#s are so nice with 8enny, ! t a lot o" the times I "eel li%e Im alone. 8i%e I have nothin# to say to him and he j st thin%s Im an idiot !ehind my !ac%. <e says Im smart !eca se I learned Italian ! t that wasnt really so hard. Its j st memori)ation and then co$yin# the way Italians act, which is easy to do i" yo re "rom an immi#rant "amily, !eca se when yo #o to n rsery school "or the "irst time and yo dont s$ea% any En#lish its all a!o t co$yin# what others do. I %now its still sweet o" 8enny to try to ! ild $ my sel"+esteem !y sayin# Im smart, ! t sometimes I j st want to #et o t o" his li"e and move !ac% to Ct. 8ee where I !elon# and try to hel$ my "amily, so its not all j st Aally and my mom dealin# with that !lac% hole in the livin# room a.%.a my dad. Oh, and i" 8enny mentions meetin# my $arents ONE 5O0E TI5E I swear Im #oin# to n nch % his ass. <e j st doesnt #et it sometimes. ,nd he doesnt -,NT to #et it, which is why I #et so an#ry at him. <e thin%s were !oth "rom 'di""ic lt "amilies( as he li%es to say, which j st isnt tr e at all. Ive met his and theres j st no com$arison. Ao I had l nch and went 0eal Time Aho$$in# with Aally and now Im %ind o" worried "or her. Ahe has this li%e !lan% stare and everythin# I tal%ed a!o t she was li%e ' h+ h.( Ahe has, li%e, no idea who she is. On the one hand she wants those Aaaami ni$$leless !ras and on the other hand she wants me to #o to some st $id ch rch #ro $ at 2arnard. ,nd she #ained a lot o" wei#ht, not j st the "reshman "i"teen, and she loo%s sad and d m$y with her wei#ht on, so I told her she !etter watch what she eats, and she j st loo%ed at me li%e I wasnt there. The only thin# that "loats her !oat is 1olitics. Ahe and these other "at #irls are all into $rotestin# and tal%in# a!o t 0 !enstein and how were not a "ree co ntry anymore. ,nd when I remind her how shes s $$osed to !e reli#io s not 1olitical she j st says that /hristianity is an 'activists creed.( I thin% I want to meet whoever told her to say that and $ nch him in the "ace. I love her so m ch, 1recio s 1ony, I thin% ne=t to mom shes the most im$ortant $erson in my li"e, and I dont %now how to hel$ her, !eca se its not li%e Im some #reat role model mysel", ri#ht3 ,nyway, I went with Aally to this really $retty $ar% in the East Filla#e called Tom$%ins A6 are and there are all these 8ow Net -orth Individ als there and theyre cam$ed o t with all their dirty thin#s and they dont have "ood or clean water and they have all these really old com$ ters they try to !oot $ ! t really they have no Ima#es or streams. Ao a"ter Aally le"t I ran home and #ot all my old I$$IrIti and I #ave them o t to a ! nch o" $eo$le in the $ar%, so may!e this way they can loo% "or jo!s or contact their "amilies. They were so ha$$y to have my old #hetto st "" that it made me sad !eca se this is what their lives have !ecome and j st last year some o" them wor%ed in /redit or were en#ineers. There was this one man who was act ally 6 ite handsome, tall and 7ermanic+ loo%in#, ! t he didnt have all his teeth. <e was in the National 7 ard and they sent him to Fene) ela and when he came home they didnt $ay him his !on s. <is name was David. <e was really nice and he h ##ed me and said we were all in this to#ether. ,nd I tho #ht, I wish thin#s were !etter "or yo , ! t were not all in this to#ether. Then when I was leavin# I saw this old "o ntain that had li%e a #a)e!o with "o r corners and on each there was a word, 'Tem$erance, /harity, Caith, <o$e.( ,nd I dont %now why ! t somethin# a!o t those words made me thin% o" my dad and how when I was yo n# he sed to $ t !andaids on my %nees with those !i# thic% "in#ers o" his and say li%e he did to his $atients who were children ',ll !ettah now, all !ettah now,( and I j st started to cry li%e an idiot. ,nd then I tho #ht o" 8enny and this ele$hant we saw in the )oo and how I %issed his !i# nose and the loo% on his "ace. The loo% on his "ace, 1ony4 I dont %now a!o t tem$erance or "aith, ! t what a!o t charity and ho$e3 Dont we all need that3 U#h, why am I always whinin# to yo 3 Aorry "or !ein# so down. -hen I see yo Im #oin# to #ive yo a !i#, !i# %iss ri#ht !etween yo r little titties, my one and only c m+sl t, $rincess o" all that is #ood and ri#ht in the world4 70I882IT/< 34 EUNI+T,0D: Dear 1recio s 1anda, -a%a+wa%a, ass+s c%a4 -h t+a+ha$$enin3 Aorry, Im a little h n#over and de$ressed mysel". I went to a $arty at <a N#s, that c te Fietnamese #irl "rom /atholic who had her stomach sta$led. -e #ot wri$$ed on 5ai Tais and this "li$ #irl "rom U7 an#don#+0iverside threw $ on hersel". N,ATG4 Ao why Im de$ressed is !eca se I thin% 7o$her is havin# an a""air. ,nd not with -endy Anatch either, ! t with this 5e=ican !etch that I saw !lowin# him in his car at this "ish taco $lace in Echo 1ar%. Geah, I "ollowed him, and then I "i# red o t his $assword on Teens &its '1O0Kado!o( in case yo want to stream all his shit, ha ha4* and theyve !een sendin# each other these illeterate love notes "or three wee%s now. <e calls her ch leta and all she can say in En#lish is '<i, !a!ee.( Ao I went on this new Teens site called 'D+!ase( where they can di#iti)e yo li%e covered in shit or #ettin# " c%ed !y "o r # ys at once and I sent 7o$her all these Ima#es o" mysel" #ettin# " c%ed !y "o r # ys at once. Its li%e yo said, Ive #ot to own my "eelin#s a!o t 7o$her and thats the only way hes ever #oin# to res$ect me and not " c% aro nd with some #ross ille#al immi#rant " c%+tard who $ro!a!ly rates E;; on a /redit 1ole. I ho$e they de$ort her ass soon. ,nyway, he came over to my $arents ho se and " c%ed me in the ass, which I # ess is a #ood si#n !eca se we havent done that in a while, and then its !een three ho rs since hes res$onded to that !itch on Teens, so all Im doin# is starin# at my I$$IrIt waitin# "or some more incriminatin# shit to $o$ $. -hats wron# with s, 1recio s 1anda3 -hy cant we "ind # ys who are j st ri#ht "or s3 ,t least yo r 8enny loves yo so m ch hell never ever cheat on yo . I cant nderstand why yo re "eelin# so insec re a!o t him. Ao hes !rain+smart. -ho cares333 Its not li%e hes some s $erstar 5edia # y or F1 at 8andO8a%es. Ao he 0E,88G, 0E,88G 0E,DA instead o" scans. 2i# whoo$. 5ay!e yo # ys can read to each other in !ed or somethin#. ,nd then yo can sew yo r own clothes. <, <, <,. ,nyway, loo%in# #ood is the new smart, and I dont thin% yo sho ld have %ids with him !eca se yo ll have really #ly children. Im sorry yo saw some $oor $eo$le in the $ar%, my sweet, sensitive $anda, ! t yo re ri#ht were not all in this to#ether. I

thin% what yo r sister is doin# is cool tho #h. Aomeone needs to stand $ and say somethin# to these d m!asses in char#e o" everythin#. Go #o, Aally4 Oh, shit. I #otta s !tract. -hy does alcohol ma%e yo #o so m ch3 Is that a scienti"ic thin#3 JUNE 2# /<UN7.-ON.1,0K 34 EUNI+T,0D: E nhee, -hy yo no res$ond to 5ommy3 Three times I call and ri#ht. -e have dinner with Uncle Joon I ma%e dolsot !a$ j st li%e yo li%e with e=tra cr nchy rice "rom the $ot !ottom. -hen I was little #irl we didnt eat rice "rom !ottom !eca se we are "rom #ood "amily and we only #ive nooroon##i to !e##ars, ! t now I %now yo li%e it so I always coo% dolsot !a$ too lon# even when yo not here !eca se I miss yo so m ch44 <a, I try to ma%e nha$$y "ace, ! t it come o t ha$$y, so may!e Jes tellin# me somethin#4 2e #rate" l and throw away o" yo rsel" !eca se yo are !lessed in /hrist. -e are m ch more ha$$y "amily now that yo are close !y and watchin# on Aally. Daddy love yo very m ch ! t I have tro !le in my heart. I see Joy 8ee mother at <+5art. Go say yo stay at Joy a$artment in 5anhattan ! t 5rs. 8ee say it not tr e. -hy yo lie to 5ommy3 I "ind o t everythin# anyway. 5ay!e yo livin# now with some mee# % !oy in dirty a$artment3 Ao shoc%in#. Ao shoc%in#. Go come !ac% home and live with s. Daddy m ch !etter now. Aally need yo to !e to$ roll model so yo stay away "rom dirty mee# % !oy. I %now my en#lish !ad ! t yo nderstand what I write I thin%. I love yo , 5ommy Oh, what is ED;;+y an+$e#+dollar 'miscellaneo s char#e( on ,llied-aste/FA acco nt33 This in addition to re# lar "inance char#e3 I try to $+end lin% to new 8A,T 1re$ /o rse in Cort 8ee which 5rs. 8ee say ma%e Joy #et !est res lt. 1NO and !e"ore she had 1JO. I as% other 5ommies at /h rch what they #ot and this very #ood im$rovement. EUNI+T,0D: 8enny, I tho #ht I as%ed yo to clean the !atht !. This a$artment is DIA7UATIN78G DI0TG. Ive swi""ered the %itchen "loor and the !athroom "loor already and vac med the car$et in the "oyer too. Do it today4 I dont li%e livin# in a $i#+sty. 8,20,5OF: E ny, Im sorry ! t we have to stay late at wor% today. Theres a mandatory meetin# a!o t the De!t /risis and the 8N-I $rotest thin# in /entral 1ar% and D./. They thin% the Ced may de"a lt on the dollar this year &4* and not all o r clients money is totally y an+$e##ed. I have to $ ll $ li%e a tho sand records !y si= ocloc%. I thin% Joshies #oin# to meet the /hinese /entral 2an%er4 ,nyway, its $retty #ood "or my career that they tr st me with this %ind o" st "". EUNI+T,0D: Ao3 -hat does that have to do with the !atht !3 8,20,5OF: 5ay!e over the wee%end we can have a little cleanin# $arty. EUNI+T,0D: Its mostly yo r hair in the !atht !, yo %now. Go re the one who sheds DOPN. 8,20,5OF: I %now. Ive never really cleaned the !atht ! !e"ore, so may!e ne=t time we can switch chores. EUNI+T,0D: Ive shown yo how to do it three times. Go re !rain+smart eno #h when it comes to dollar de"a lts or whatever ! t yo cant clean the !atht !3 8,20,5OF: 5ay!e yo can s $ervise me while I do it over the wee%end. EUNI+T,0D: Never mind. Ill j st do it mysel". Its easier in the end to j st do everythin# mysel". 8,20,5OF: No, dont do it4 -ait ntil I have some "ree time. Im sorry its so ! sy at wor%. 8,20,5OF: <ello4 ,re yo there3 8,20,5OF: ,re yo mad at me3 8,20,5OF: E nice4 EUNI+T,0D: U#h. 8,20,5OF: -hat3 EUNI+T,0D: I hate this. 8,20,5OF: -hat can I do to ma%e yo "eel !etter3 Ill clean all wee%end, to$ to !ottom. EUNI+T,0D: Nothin#. Nothin# yo can do. I cant chan#e yo . Ao I # ess I j st have to ta%e on all these res$onsi!ilities mysel". 8,20,5OF: Thats not tr e, E nice. 8,20,5OF: I ,5 chan#in#. It j st ta%es time. 8,20,5OF: 8ets have a nice dinner at that 2ra)ilian $lace in the villa#e. 5y treat. EUNI+T,0D: Dont "or#et to $ic% $ the T-O+18G toilet $a$er on the way home. 8,20,5OF: I wont "or#et. EUNI+T,0D: Go always "or#et. Thats why yo re a t na+!rain. 8,20,5OF: <a ha. Im #lad yo re not mad at me. EUNI+T,0D: Dont co nt yo r !lessin#s, nerd. 8,20,5OF: Im not co ntin# anythin#. EUNI+T,0D: I j st want a nice, clean a$artment, 8enny. Dont yo want to come home to a nice, clean a$artment too3 Dont yo want to !e $ro d o" where yo live3 Isnt that what !ein# an ad lt is a!o t3 Its not j st a!o t readin# Tolsoy and so ndin# smart. 2i# whoo$. 8,20,5OF: 0eadin# who3 2i# what3 EUNI+T,0D: Cor#et it. I #ot to r n to the la ndry. -ho else is #oin# to $ic% $ yo r ndies3 2y the way, yo sho ld wear !o=er !rie"s not j st $lain old re# lar !rie"s. They $rovide more s $$ort. Go always com$lain that yo r !alls h rt a"ter a lon# wal%, well why do yo thin% that is3 8,20,5OF: 2eca se I wear !ad nderwear.

EUNI+T,0D: -ho loves yo , kokiri3 AMY GREENBERG$S %MUFFINTOP HOUR&' FROM THE DIARIES OF LENNY ABRAMOV

JUNE E; Dear Diary, Ao, a"ter the h #e s ccess with my $arents, I as%ed E nice to come o t with me to Ataten Island to meet my "riends. I # ess my intentions were sel"+a##randi)in# and s $er"icial. I wanted to introd ce E nice to my !oys, im$ress them !eca se she was so yo n# and $retty. ,nd I wanted to im$ress her !eca se Noah and his #irl"riend, ,my, were so 5edia. The "irst $art wor%ed@yo cant really meet E nice witho t a$$reciatin# her yo th and her cool, shimmerin# indi""erence. The second $art not so m ch. The ni#ht in 6 estion was what we called Camily Ni#ht, when all the !oys invited their res$ective $artners to /ervi=, the %ind o" ni#ht when I was s ally min s #irl"riend and "eelin# li%e a "i"th wheel. 2 t on that ni#ht it wo ld !e Noah and his emotive #irl"riend, ,my 7reen!er#, Fishn and 7race, and E nice and me, the co $le+in+$ro#ress. Even on the way to the s !way, wal%in# arm in arm, I tried to show my #irl o"" to the deni)ens o" 7rand Atreet, ! t the selection o" E nice+a$$reciators was a !it thin that day. , cra)y white man !r shin# his teeth in !road dayli#ht. , retired Jew throwin# a $lastic c $ o" /o%e at a discarded mattress. , "e din# ,)tec co $le hittin# each other over the head with two $lastic yellow daisies "rom within the nremittin# !ric% "abade o" a ho sin# $roject. I had almost made it to the s !way witho t incident. 2 t !y the ra)or+wire+s rro nded lot ne=t to the 0ite,id, where o r nei#h!orhoods resident shitter wo ld s6 at in the middle o" the day, I noticed a c rio s thin#. , new !ill!oard had #one $, co rtesy o" my em$loyer, the Ataatlin#+-a$ach n# /or$oration. It de$icted a "amiliar latticewor% o" #lass and $om$osity, a series o" three+ story a$artments crashin# into one another at odd an#les li%e a ! nch o" hal"+melted ice c !es in a stirred drin%. '<,2IT,TA E,AT,( the si#n $roclaimed, !eside the "la#s o" the United ,ra! Emirates, /hina+-orldwide, and the E ro$ean Union. ,N EX/8UAIFE T0I18EX /O55UNITG CO0 NON(U)S) NATIONALS2y Ataatlin# 1ro$ertyAeven T0I18EX 8ivin# Units $riced to move "rom D;,;;;,;;; northern e ros P EE,;;;,;;; y an 'Twenty million e ros4( I said to E nice. 'Thats "i"ty years o" my salary. Even "orei#ners dont have that %ind o" money anymore4( 'Isnt this the $lace where that # y shits all the time3( E ny said nonchalantly, evidently in red to the va#aries o" my 7uartier. I contin ed to read: ,TTENTION CO0EI7N 0EAIDENTA4 2UG , T0I18EX 8IFIN7 UNIT TOD,G ,ND 0E/EIFE E=em$tion "rom ,merican 0estoration , thority &,0,* /avity, Data Y 1ro$erty Aearches 1ri)e+winnin# sec rity !y -a$ach n# /ontin#ency EX/8UAIFE Immortality ,ssistance "rom o r 1ost+< man Aervices Division Cree $ar%in# "or "irst . months /redit ran%in# o" 1J;;U only $leaseThis ,rea /O518ETE8G _oned "or <arm 0ed ction 'EX/8UAIFE Immortality ,ssistance(3 2e# $ardon3 Go had to rove yo were worthy o" cheatin# death at 1ost+< man Aervices. 8i%e I said, only 1: $ercent o" o r a$$licants 6 ali"ied "or o r 1rod ct. Thats how Joshie intended it. <ence the Inta%es I was s $$osed to $er"orm. <ence the 8an# a#e /o#nition tests and the essays on o tlivin# yo r children. <ence@the whole $hiloso$hy. Now they were #oin# to !estow immortality on a ! nch o" "at, #lossy D !ai !illionaires who !o #ht a Ataatlin# 1ro$erty 'T0I18EX 8ivin# Unit(3 I was a!o t to start a healthy diatri!e on the A !ject o" Everythin# &I thin% E nice li%es it when I teach her new st ""* when I noticed a "amiliar s6 i##le on the corner o" the si#n. In a stenciled, !leedin#+ed#e style that had !een cool at the t rn o" the cent ry, I saw@no, it co ldnt !e4@an arty re$rod ction o" Je""rey Otter, my in6 isitor at the U.A. Em!assy in 0ome, in his st $id red+white+and+!l e !andana, a sm d#e o" what co ld have !een a cold sore on his hairy $$er li$. 'Oh,( I said, and act ally !ac%ed away. 'Cokiri&( E nice as%ed. '-hats $, nerd+"ace3( I made a !reathin# so nd. '1anic attac%3( she as%ed. I $ t $ my hand to indicate a 'time+o t.( 5y eyes ran $ and down the #ra""ito as i" I were tryin# to scr ! it into a di""erent dimension. The otter stared !ac% at me: c rved, oddly se= al, $re#nant with li"e, the " r smoothed into little charcoal mo nds clearly warm and so"t to the to ch. It reminded me o" Ca!ri)ia. 5y !etrayal. -hat had I done to her3 -hat had the! done to her3 -ho had drawn this3 -hat were they tryin# to tell me3 I loo%ed at E nice. Ahe was sin# my "orty+second $a se to ! ry her head into her I$$IrIt. -hat was I even doin# with this slee% di#ital creat re3 I "elt, "or the "irst time since her arrival in my li"e, tr ly mista%en. 2 t the day wasnt "inished with me yet. -hen we #ot to the /ervi=, my "riend 7race was the one to o!ject. 'Ahes too yo n# "or yo ,( she whis$ered to me a"ter E nice had t rned away "rom s and started ,ss8 = ry sho$$in#. There wasnt anythin# $artic larly antisocial a!o t this@the !oys were watchin# /hinese /entral 2an%er -an#shen# 8is visit to -ashin#ton on their own I$$IrIti, and Noahs #irl, ,my, was settin# $ hand lotions and other s$onsored $rod cts "or a live stream o" the ',my 7reen!er# 5 ""into$ <o r.(

Cor a second I tho #ht 7race was jealo s o" E nice, and that was more than "ine with me, !eca se, to !e honest, Ive always had a cr sh on 7race. Ahe wasnt $artic larly $retty, the eyes too widely set a$art, her !ottom teeth li%e an interstate $ile+ $, and she was, i" its at all $ossi!le, too thin "rom the waist $, to the $oint where she loo%ed !ird+li%e doin# any activity, even wal%in# $ the stairs or $assin# a $late o" 2rie. 2 t she was %ind@so %ind and "orthri#ht, and so well ed cated and serio s a!o t li"e, that when I tho #ht I was in love with Ca!ri)ia in 0ome, all I had to do was thin% o" 7race tal%in# a!o t her com$le= wintry childhood in the "arthest reaches o" -isconsin Atate or the 7erman artist Jose$h 2e ys, her $assion, to %now that everythin# a!o t my relationshi$ with $oor, doomed Ca!ri)ia was transitory and a lie. '-hy dont yo li%e E nice3( I as%ed 7race, ho$in# she wo ld st tter and $ain" lly con"ess her love "or me. 'Its not that I dont li%e her,( 7race said. 'It j st "eels li%e shes #ot a lot o" thin#s to wor% o t.( 'I #ot a lot o" thin#s to wor% o t too,( I said. '5ay!e E nice and I can wor% them o t to#ether.( '8enny.( 7race r !!ed my $$er arm and "lashed me her lower yellows &how I relished her im$er"ections*. 'I" yo re attracted to her $hysically, thats "ine,( she said. 'Theres nothin# wron# with that. Ahes hot. <ave a #ood time with her. <ave a "lin#. 2 t dont tell me, MIm in love with her.( 'Im worried a!o t dyin#,( I said. ',nd she ma%es yo "eel yo n#3( 7race said. 'Ahe ma%es me "eel !ald.( I ran my hand thro #h what was le"t. 'I li%e yo r hair,( 7race said, #ently $ llin# at the cl m$ standin# armed sentinel over my widows $ea%. 'Its honest.( 'I # ess in some ridic lo s way I thin% E nice will let me live "orever. 1lease dont say anythin# /hristian, 7race. I really cant handle it.( '-ere all #oin# to die, 8enny,( 7race said. 'Go , me, Fishn , E nice, yo r !oss, yo r clients, everyone.( The !oys were now hootin# over their I$$IrIti, and 7race and I joined them. They were watchin# the stream o" Noahs "riend <art"ord 2rown, who did a $olitical commentary show intermi=ed with his own hardcore #ay se=. The esteemed 8i@o""icially the 7overnor o" the 1eo$les 2an% o" /hina+-orldwide, no""icially the worlds most $ower" l man@was "irst shown chattin# $ o r cl eless 2i$artisan leaders on the -hite <o se lawn. There was my "athers idol, De"ense Aecretary 0 !enstein, !owin# "rom the waist, his ! m!lin# incoherent ra#e t rned to 6 iet o!edience, his trademar% white hand%erchie" "lashin# o t o" his s it $oc%et li%e a chea$ s rrender. 0 !enstein $resented 8i with some sort o" #olden "ish, which "lo$$ed into the air and mirac lo sly o$ened $ into an a$$ro=imation o" /hinas ! l!o s sha$e, a si#n that ,merica co ld still $rod ce and innovate. Then the $ositively ri$$ed <art"ord was mo nted on to$ o" what was anno nced as a yacht near the D tch ,ntilles, "resh s$ray rain!owin# his s n#lasses, two hairy dar% arms massa#in# his mar!led chest and sho lders as his lovers thr sts $ shed him into the "rame o" his I$$IrIt. 'C c% me, !rownie,( he crooned to his sailin# ! ddy, his li$s so lo che yet masc line, so " ll o" li"e and heat that I "o nd mysel" "eelin# ha$$y "or his ha$$iness. Then c t to 8i and o r yo th" l $ $$et leader Jimmy /orte) at the -hite <o se, the ,merican 1resident seated sti""ly, the /hinese !an%er more at ease, im$ervio s to the micro$hone !ooms crowdin# the air !e"ore him. 'I totally love what the /hinaman is wearin#,( <art"ord was sayin# over the -hite <o se vis als, intermittently #roanin# "rom !ein# " c%ed !y the ,ntillean. Fiewers were reminded that 8i had !een $ic%ed the !est+dressed man in the world !y an in"ormal m ltinational $oll, with res$ondents $artic larly ta%en !y 'the sim$licity o" his s its( and 'the #lammy oversi)ed #lasses.( '-e wish /hina to !ecome a nation o" cons mers and not otters,( 1resident /orte) !e##ed the !an%er. -ait, what3 , nation o" otters3 I re$layed the stream on my own I$$IrIt. '-e wish /hina to !ecome a nation o" cons mers and not savers,( the $resident had act ally said. Jes s /hrist, I was losin# it. 'The ,merican $eo$le need /hina+-orldwide to !ecome a savior o" o r last man "act rers, lar#e and small. /hina is no lon#er a $oor co ntry. It is time "or the /hinese $eo$le to s end.( 5r. 8i nodded distractedly and smiled his #reat !i# nothin# o" a smile. 1resident /orte) then said some words in /hinese, which were inter$reted as 'O.K. to s$end now4 7o have " n4( 'Oh, shit,( Fishn said, $awin# "rantically at his I$$IrIt. 'Aomethin#s ha$$enin#, Nee+#roes4( -e co ld hardly hear him a!ove the roar o" the !ar. The yo n# $eo$le were drin%in# more, and some women were #ettin# nervo sly na%ed, even as E nice 1ar% ti#htened a li#ht sweater aro nd her sho lders, r !!in# her nose "rom the air conditionin#. 'Theres a riot in /entral 1ar%,( Fishn said. 'This !lac% d de is #ettin# his ass %ic%ed !y the 7 ard and all these 8N-Is are #ettin# serio sly whaled on.( News o" the /entral 1ar% sla #hter was s$readin# thro #h the !ar. No one was streamin# live yet, ! t there were Ima#es comin# $ on o r I$$IrIti and on the !ars !i# screens. , teena#er &or so he seemed, those aw%ward lan%y le#s*, his "ace t rned away "rom view, a red concavity c t "rom the midsection o" his !ody, ! ndled $ li%e road %ill on the so"t #reen h m$ o" a $rotr din# hill. The !odies o" three men and a woman &a "amily3* lyin# on their !ac%s, their na%ed !lac% arms thrown wildly across their !odies, as i" ha$ha)ardly h ##in# themselves. ,nd one man whom I tho #ht I reco#ni)ed@the nem$loyed ! s driver E nice and I had seen on /edar <ill. ,)i) somethin#. I remem!ered mostly what he had !een wearin#, the white T+shirt and the #old chain with the oversi)ed y an sym!ol. There it was@the stran#e con"l ence o" havin# seen him alive, i" even "or a moment, com!ined with a dot the si)e o" a "ive+jiao coin that had $ nct red the $$er hal" o" his elon#ated !rown "orehead, red !leedin# into r st alon# the lin%s o" his heavy chain, teeth !itterly stam$ed to#ether, the eyes already t rned $ in their soc%ets. It too% me several moments to come $ with a descri$tion o" what I was seein#a dead manj st as the screen switched to a shot o" the s%y a!ove the $ar%, the tail end o" a helico$ter li"ted $ward, its !ea% $res ma!ly lowered "or e=ec tion, and a !ac%dro$ o" red tracer "ire ill minatin# the warm close o" a s mmer day. , silence overtoo% the /ervi=. I co ld hear nothin# ! t the so nd o" my Xana= !ottle !ein# instinct ally o$ened !y three o" my !en m!ed "in#ers, and then the scratch o" the white $ill descendin# my dry throat. -e a!sor!ed the Ima#es and as a #ro $ o" li%e+ incomed $eo$le "elt the short ! rsts o" e=istential "ear. That "ear was tem$orarily re$laced !y a s r#e o" em$athy "or those who were nominally o r "ellow New Gor%ers. -hat was it li%e to !e one o" the dead or the a!o t+to+!e+dead3 To !e stra"ed "rom a!ove in the

middle o" a city3 To receive the 6 ic% nderstandin# that yo r "amily was dyin# aro nd yo 3 Cinally, the "ear and the em$athy were re$laced !y a di""erent %nowled#e. The %nowled#e that it wo ldnt ha$$en to s. That what we were witnessin# was not terrorism. That we were o" #ood stoc%. That these ! llets wo ld discriminate. I teened Nettie Cine: 'Did yo see whats ha$$enin# in the $ar%3333( Des$ite the time di""erence in 0ome &it m st have !een $ast O a.m.*, she teened me !ac% immediately: 'J st saw it. Dont worry, 8enny. This is horri!le, ! t it will 2,/KCI0E on 0 !enstein and his il%. Theyre shootin# in /entral 1ar% !eca se there arent eno #h e=?National 7 ardsmen there. Theyll never #o a"ter the "ormer soldiers. The real action is in Tom$%ins A6 are, which 5edia isnt coverin# at all. Go have to #o there and meet my "riend David 8orrin#. I sed to do $ost+tra matic co nselin# in D./. and he came to see me a"ter two to rs in /i dad 2olTvar. <es or#ani)in# a real resistance down there. 2rilliant # y. O%ay, I #ot to catch some )))))s, sweetie. Atay stron#4 === Nettie Cine. 1.A. I "ollow yo r "riend Noah -ein!er#s stream reli#io sly. -hen Im !ac% in the Atates Id love to ta%e him o t to l nch.( I smiled when I read Netties missive. , woman in her si=ties was still active, still tryin# to sha$e o r co ntry in the ri#ht way. A rely there was some ho$e. ,s i" to con"irm my tho #hts, /risisNet $in#ed with a new anno ncement: '8I2O0 0,TE 0IAEA ED 2,AIA 1OINTA> DO88,0 <I7<E0 2G ;.:\ ,7,INAT GU,N ,T 1^ Z SO.9D.( /o ld the mar%ets !e ri#ht3 -as the /entral 1ar% massacre really a t rnin# $oint3 -o ld it !ac%"ire on 0 !enstein and his "riends3 I re+read Nettie Cines messa#e. It was ins$irin#, ! t there was somethin# o"" a!o t the wordin#. 3he real action is in 3om kins S7uare. I tried to $ict re the words 'real action( leavin# Netties care" l, intelli#ent li$s. -hat had ha$$ened to her3 3he otter. I teened Ca!ri)ia in 0ome. '0E/I1IENT DE8ETED.( O%ay, I had to sto$ worryin#. There was a real massacre in "ront o" me. Cor#et the Old -orld. I was not res$onsi!le "or what ha$$ened to either Nettie or Ca!ri)ia. I was res$onsi!le only "or E nice 1ar%. 5eanwhile, at the /ervi=, the st nned silence had already !een re$laced !y a #eneral mood o" "rivolity mi=ed with $racticed o tra#e, $eo$le throwin# aro nd their near+worthless n$e##ed dollars and crownin# themselves with 2el#ian ales. ,ll I remem!er is "eelin# a little hot aro nd the tem$les and wantin# to !e closer to E ny. Thin#s had !een roc%y !etween s since I had rela$sed and $ic%ed $ a !oo%, and she had ca #ht me readin#, not j st te=t+scannin# "or data. -ith the violence j st a "ew miles to o r north, I wanted nothin# to se$arate me "rom my sweetheart, certainly not a two+!ric% tome o" Tolstoys @F(. Noah started streamin# ri#ht away, ! t his #irl"riend, ,my 7reen!er#, was already live. Ahe li"ted $ her !lo se to show the ne#li#i!le roll o" "at that crowned her $er"ect le#s and s$illed "rom her $er"ect jeans, her so+called muffinto , sla$$ed at it, and delivered her si#nat re line: '<ey, #irl"riend, #ots m ""into$3( 'Its 0 !enstein time in /entral 1ar%,( Noah was sayin#. 'Its <arm 0ed ction, #ivin# away the store, everythin# m st #o, Mo r $rices are insane time in ,merica, and 0+stein wont "eel #ood ntil all the ni##ers and s$ics are cleared o t o" o r city. <es dro$$in# !om!s on o r moms li%e /hrissy /ol m! s dro$$ed #erms on the redman, cabr>ns. Cirst the shootin#, then the ro nd $. <al" the mamis and $a$is in the city are #oin# to end $ in a Aec re Acreenin# Cacility in Utica !e"ore the wee% is over. 2etter %ee$ yo r I$$IrIti away "rom those /redit 1oles.B( <e $a sed to loo% over the raw data streamin# at him. ,nd then he t rned his tired, $ro"essionally animated "ace to s, ns re o" what emotion to m ster ne=t ! t na!le to contain the visceral thrill. 'Theres ei#hteen $eo$le dead,( he said, as i" he had s r$rised himsel". 'They shot ei#hteen.( ,nd I wondered a!o t the e=citement in his voice: -hat i" Noah was secretly $leased that all this was ha$$enin#3 -hat i" we all were3 -hat i" the violence was act ally channelin# o r collective "ear into a %ind o" momentary clarity, the clarity o" !ein# alive d rin# concl sive times, the joy o" !ein# historically im$ortant !y association3 I co ld already envision mysel" e=citedly $roclaimin# the news o" how I had seen this dead ,)i) ! s driver in /entral 1ar%, had may!e even e=chan#ed a smile with him or an r!an whassu . Dont #et me wron#, I "elt the horror too, ! t I wondered, "or instance, what were these Aec re Acreenin# Cacilities that Noah always tal%ed a!o t3 -ere $eo$le really shot in the !ac% o" the head witho t a trial3 Once, I reminded Noah a!o t how 3he New York 1ifest!le 3imes sed to have act al corres$ondents who wo ld #o o t and re$ort and veri"y, ! t he j st #ave me one o" those 'Old man, dont even,( loo%s and went !ac% to hollerin# A$anish slan# into his camera no))le. 2 t, then a#ain, Nettie Cine "ollowed his stream religiousl!, so may!e I was missin# somethin#. 5ay!e Noah was as #ood as it #ot these days. 'Ei#hteen $eo$le dead4( ,my 7reen!er# was sho tin#. Ahe $ t her hand on her ma%e+!elieve m ""into$, over the ne#li#i!le waistline and the $retty serio s m sc lat re a!ove, as i" to scold 0 !enstein and the administration, ! t this mane ver also allowed the o tline o" her le"t !reast@which a random $oll had $ !licly declared to !e the !etter one@to s$ill o t o" her d[colleta#e and "rame the center o" the shot. '< #e riot in /entral 1ar%, National 7 ard j st shootin# everyone, smashin# $ their little shac%s, and I am so #lad my man Noah -ein!er# is ri#ht over my sho lder, !eca se I *ust cannot handle this an!more. I mean, hello, sto$ me !e"ore I snac% a#ain. Noah, I am so !lessed to have yo in my li"e at this terri!le moment, and I %now Im not $er"ect, ! t, o%ay, and this is li%e total clichG alert, ! t yo mean the world to me, !eca se yo are so %ind and sensitive and man+hot, yo are so 5edia, and(@her voice started to sha%e, she started to !lin% vol ntarily in a way that always hastened the tears@'I dont %now how yo can #o o t with a "at loser li%e me.( 7race and Fishn were leanin# in to each other as i" they were two $arts o" an ancient r in, while new death tolls a$$eared in the air aro nd s, the n m!ers swellin#. I recalled 1oint No. O, /are "or Go r Criends, and a#ain my "riends were the ones who too% care o" me. Noticin# me standin# alone ne=t to E nice, who was dee$ into ,ss8 = ry &was she too shoc%ed !y the violence to sto$ sho$$in#3*, they reached o t and !ro #ht me into their circle, so that I co ld "eel the warmth o" their hands and the !oo)y com"ort o" their !reath. Noah and ,my were lo dly streamin# a "ew "eet a$art "rom each other, strainin# to !e heard over the din o" the !ar. '0 !ensteins ma%in# a $oint to 8i,( Noah was sayin#. '-e may not !e a #reat $ower anymore, we may !e into yo "or si=ty+"ive trillion y an+$e##ed, ! t were not a"raid to se o r troo$s i" o r s$ades act $, so watch o t, or well #o " c%in# nuclear on yo r yellow asses i" yo try to cash in yo r chi$s. Kee$ the credit rolling0 chinos.( ,my 7reen!er#: '0emem!er Jeremy 2loc%, the # y I !ro%e $ with last 1assover3( , stream o" a na%ed, mast r!atin# # y

who resem!led Noah was $rojected ne=t to ,mys I$$IrIt, and she scowled at the Ima#e o" his #enero s $enis, her $retty $ost+! limic "ace !etrayin# the !e#innin#s o" a m ))le. '0emem!er how I co ldnt co nt on that jer%+o"" when there was, li%e, tro !le in the world3 0emem!er how he wo ldnt e# lain anythin# to me, even tho #h he wor%ed "or 8andO8a%es3 0emem!er how he made me weigh mysel" every mornin#3 0emem!er how he B( 2i# $a se, and then a !ri#ht, smiley "ace. DA didn res ect the muffinto &B /risisNet: 0U2ENATEIN 28,5EA /ENT0,8 1,0K 0IOT 8E,DE0 CO05E0 2UA D0IFE0 ,_I_ J,5IE TO51KINA CO0 0IOTA. QUOTE: ',0, 0E1O0TA IDENTICIED M,_I_ ,A <,FIN7 T0,INED -IT< <E_2O88,< CO0/EA IN AOUT<E0N 8E2,NON.( QUOTE: '-E ,0E DE,8IN7 -IT< C0ONT8INE IA8,5OC,A/IAT TE00O0IA5.( QUOTE: 'NO- IA T<E TI5E CO0 A1ENDIN7, A,FIN7, ,ND UNITG. ONE 1,0TG, ONE N,TION, ONE 7OD.( Fishn had #one to #et s more !eer, and E nice and 7race were doin# ,ss8 = ry to#ether. 7race said somethin# that made E nice smile, and then they tal%ed !ac% and "orth, 7races eyes on E nice, E nices eyes mostly on her I$$IrIt, ! t occasionally, shyly, on 7race. I tho #h I heard some words in Korean@'Aoon+Doo!oo( &however its s$elled* is a to" stew that 7race had ordered a lot on EDnd Atreet. I wanted to join their conversation, ! t 7race #ently $ shed me away. E nice was C,/in# a little with three o" the other ,sian #irls in the room, and her CU/K,2I8ITG, I noticed with $ride and a little worry, was N9J, altho #h her 1E0AON,8ITG j st J;; &may!e she wasnt e=tro eno #h*. 2 t one very yo n# Cili$ina 5ediawhore in a s ! r!an cardi#an, !i# cl n%y ortho$edic+ty$e shoes, and Onions%in jeans streamed 6 ietly !y the j %e!o= rated several $oints hi#her on the CU/K,2I8ITG. 'That #irl has the $er"ect !ody,( I heard E nice sayin# to 7race. '7od, I hate twenty+one+year+olds.( I loo%ed sadly at my own ran%in#s. 5ost o" the men toni#ht were wearin# cool 5r. 0o#ers?li%e F+nec% sweaters and were a$$raisin# me coldly at !est. Aomeone had written a!o t my st !!le, 'That d de ne=t to the c te ,sian s$erm!an% has li%e $ !ic hair #rowin# o t o" his chin,( and I was ran%ed "ortieth o t o" the "orty+three # ys in the room. Did E nice care3 I noticed that when I $ t my arm aro nd her my 5,8E <OTNEAA shot $ !y a h ndred $oints, and I ran%ed a res$ecta!le thirty o t o" "orty+three men. 2 t what did that say a!o t me3 That I needed E nice j st to !e ac%nowled#ed in the #reater world3 Cor one thin#, I resolved to shave my st !!le tomorrow. It only wor%ed "or a certain %ind o" very attractive # y. ,my 7reen!er#, $ointin# to the little "la$s o" s%in han#in# !etween her arm$its and !reasts: 'Ive #ot win#s4 Thirty+"o r and Ive #ot win#s li%e an an#el. I cant !elieve an! gu! wo ld want to "eel me $ with all this bra goo4 8oo% at me4 8oo% at me4( Noah -ein!er#: 'Thirty+three cas alties in the 8ow Net -orth riots as o" nine+oh+"o r $.m. EAT. ,nd the 7 ard is still shootin# $ in /entral 1ar%. 2 t weve lost "o r h ndred National 7 ardsmen in /i dad 2olTvar alone in the last two months. Thats the 0 !enstein strate#y: The more ,mericans die, the less anyone cares. 0ede"ine the normative down. Atart di##in# the #raves.( ,my 7reen!er#: '8et me !rea% down what Im wearin#. The shoes are "rom 1adma, the !lo se is a 5arla <ammond ori#inal, and the ni$$leless !ra is a Aaaami -in# /oncealer@my mother #ot it "or me on sale at the United Nations 0etail /orridor.( Noah -ein!er#: ',nd Im not even tal%in# a!o t the 8I2O0 rate here. Im tal%in#@( <e sto$$ed and loo%ed aro nd. , trio o" Ataten Island #irls were l stily h mmin# a son# whose only discerni!le lyric was '5mmmmmm B( Noah started to say somethin#, ! t in the end all he said was 'Go %now what, atos3 I@I have nothin# more to say to any o" yo .( ,my 7reen!er#: 'I j st want to say, my mom is "rea%in# ama6ing. -hen I was !rea%in# $ with Jeremy 2loc%, she j st li%e made me see thro #h all his ! llshit. -e loo%ed at his ran%in#s to#ether and we were li%e, who cares a!o t his !i# dic% and the "act that he can !one all ni#ht. <e made me #ive him a rim jo! "or his thirtieth !irthday, and then he wo ldnt %iss me a"terwards. That really says a lot a!o t a # y, when he wont %iss his #irl"riend a"ter shes lic%ed o t his j n%. 5y mom, shes so c te, she was li%e MGo deserve so m ch !etter, ,imeleh. 2e yo r own $im$, #irl4( 7race too% me aside. '<ey,( she said. 'I thin% E nice has some real $ro!lems.( 'D h,( I said. '<er "athers a dic%head.( 'I %now this %ind o" #irl,( 7race was sayin#. 'Its the worst %ind o" com!ination o" a! se and $rivile#e, and #rowin# $ in this, li%e, #reenhorn so thern+/ali"ornian ,sian $$er+middle+class #hetto, where everyone is so shallow and money+craven. I mean even shallower than Noahs #irl"riends. ,t least ,my =reen!er# %nows e=actly what shes doin#.( '2 t I love her,( I said, 6 ietly. ',nd I thin% she sho$s j st !eca se o r society is telling ,sian $eo$le to sho$. Go %now, li%e it says on the /redit 1oles. I act ally heard one # y yellin# to E nice, M<ey, ant, ! y somethin# or #o !ac% to /hina4( ',nt3( 'Geah, li%e the ant that saves too m ch and the #rassho$$er that s$ends too m ch3 8i%e on the ,0, si#ns3 /hinese and 8atino3 Ao " c%in# racist.( '8eonard, its time to sto$ datin# all these ,sian and white+trash #irls with serio s $ro!lems,( 7race said. 'Go re not doin# them any "avors, yo %now.( 'Go re really h rtin# me, 7race,( I whis$ered. '<ow can yo j d#e her so 6 ic%ly3 <ow can yo j d#e us3( ,nd ri#ht away 7race so"tened. The /hristianity and #oodwill %ic%ed in. Ahe teared $. 'Im sorry,( she said. '7od, its the times we live in. Im !ecomin# so harsh. 5ay!e I can han# o t with her3 5ay!e I can !e li%e a !i# sister3( I considered t rnin# indi#nant, ! t then I considered who 7race was, the oldest o" a !rood o" "ive well+adj sted %ids, the inheritor o" a set o" doctor $arents "rom Aeo l whose immi#rant an=ieties and sense o" -isconsin alienation were hi#h, ! t who nonetheless dis$ensed love and enco ra#ement in the manner o" the %indest, most $ro#ressive native+!orn. <ow co ld she even !e#in to nderstand E nice3 <ow co ld she com$rehend what it was li%e !etween the two o" s3 I h ##ed 7race "or a "ew !eats and %issed one warm chee%. -hen I loo%ed !ac%, I noticed that E nice was starin# at s, her lower "ace covered with that am$hi!ian smile, the #rin witho t 6 alities, the #rin that c t me in the so"tness aro nd my heart. '-ell, thats a!o t it "or the re$ !lic,( <art"ord was sayin# on his ,ntillean stream, his yo n# "riend towelin# a s$ent #eyser o" semen o"" his !ac%. 'Gi!!ity+yi!!ity, thats all, "ol%s.( -e crossed !ac% to 5anhattan in silence. The National 7 ard chec%$oints were $ractically a!andoned, most o" the troo$s li%ely ordered $ to /entral 1ar% to 6 ell the ins rrection. 2ac% in my a$artment, I was on my %nees and cryin# a#ain. Ahe was

threatenin# to move !ac% to Cort 8ee a#ain. 'Go r "riends are aw" l,( she was sayin#. 'Theyre so " ll o" themselves.( '-hat did they do to yo 3 Go !arely said a word to them all ni#ht4( 'I was the yo n#est $erson there. They were all ten years older than me. -hat did I have to say to them3 They all wor% in 5edia. Theyre all " nny and s ccess" l.( 'Cirst o" all, theyre not. ,nd, second o" all, yo re still yo n#, E nice4 Go ll wor% in 5edia someday. Or 0etail. ,nd I tho #ht yo li%ed 7race. Go were #ettin# alon# so well. I saw yo loo%in# at ,ss8 = ry to#ether and tal%in# a!o t Aoon+Doo!oo.( 'I hated her the most,( E nice 1ar% hissed. 'Ahes e#actl! who her $arents want her to !e and shes so " c%in# roud o" it. Oh, and "or#et a!o t meetin# my "amily. Go ll never meet them, 8enny. <ow can I tr st yo with them3 Go ve !lown it.( I lay in my !ed alone> E nice a#ain in the livin# room with her I$$IrIt, with her teenin# and sho$$in#, as the ni#ht t rned !lac% aro nd s, as I reali)ed, with a 6 iet #nawin# $ain, that when yo too% away my DE9,;;; y an+$e##ed dollars, when yo too% away the com$licated love o" my $arents and the merc rial com"orts o" my "riends, when yo too% away my smelly !oo%s, I had nothin# ! t the woman in the ne=t room. 5y mind was " ll o" sic%enin# Jewish worry, the $o#rom within and the $o#rom witho t. I declined to thin% o" Ca!ri)ia, Nettie, or the otter. I stayed in the moment. I tried to "ind o t what was ha$$enin# in /entral 1ar% to the 8ow Net -orth $rotesters. Aome o" the rich yo n# 5edia $eo$le on /entral 1ar% -est and Ci"th ,ven e were streamin# "rom !alconies and roo"to$s, and a "ew had !ro%en thro #h the National 7 ard cordons and were emotin# "rom dee$ within the $ar% itsel". I loo%ed $ast their an#ry and e=cited "aces screechin# a!o t their $arents and lovers and wei#ht #ain, tryin# to catch si#ht o" the helico$ters "loatin# !ehind them, "irin# into the #reen heart o" the city. I tho #ht o" /edar <ill@the new #ro nd )ero o" my li"e with E nice 1ar%@and considered the "act that it was now covered in !lood. Then I "elt # ilty "or thin%in# a!o t my own li"e with s ch 5edia o!sessiveness, so readily "or#ettin# the ran%s o" the new dead. 7race was ri#ht. The times we live in. 2 t one thin# I %new: I wo ld never "ollow Netties advice. I wo ld never visit those $oor $eo$le in Tom$%ins A6 are 1ar%. -ho %new what wo ld ha$$en to them3 I" the National 7 ard shot $eo$le in /entral 1ar%, why wo ldnt they shoot them downtown3 'Aa"ety "irst,( as they say aro nd 1ost+< man Aervices. O r lives are worth more than the lives o" others. ,n armada o" helico$ters "lew north. The whole ! ildin# shoo% with their "erocity, china ji##lin# in the nei#h!ors %itchen ca!inet, little children cryin#. That seemed to scare E nice, and soon she was in !ed ne=t to me, tryin# to "ind a com"ortin# "it with my lar#er !ody, $ressin# so dee$ly into me that it h rt. I "elt scared, not !eca se o" the military o$eration o tside &in the end, they wo ld never h rt $eo$le with my assets*, ! t !eca se I %new that I co ld never leave her. No matter how she treated me. No matter how !ad she made me "eel. 2eca se in her an#er and an=iety there was "amiliarity and relie". 2eca se I nderstood those #reenhorn so thern+ /ali"ornian immi#rant "amilies !etter than I co ld 7races ri#ht+hearted 5idwestern %in, the cravin# "or money and res$ect, the mi=t re o" entitlement and sel"+loathin#, the h n#er to !e attractive, noticed, and admired. 2eca se a"ter Fishn told me that 7race was $re#nant &'ha+huh,( he la #hed aw%wardly while !earin# the news* I reali)ed that the last door had closed "or me. 2eca se, nli%e the slic% and sly ,my 7reen!er#, E nice had no idea what the hell she was doin#. ,nd neither did I. Aorry, diary, Im s ch an emotional wrec% today. 2ad ni#hts slee$. Even my !est ear $l #s cant hel$ a#ainst the so nd o" rotor !lades o tside and E nice m m!lin# lo d Korean de$recations in her slee$, contin in# her never+endin# conversation with her a a, her "ather, the miscreant who is res$onsi!le "or most o" her $ain, ! t witho t whose an#ry lashin#s I $ro!a!ly wo ld never have "allen in love with her, or she with me. 2 t I reali)e that Im also leavin# some thin#s o t, diary. 8et me descri!e some o" the !ea ti" l moments, at least !e"ore the 8N-I riots started and the chec%$oints went $ !y the C train. -e #o to midtown Korean resta rants and "east on rice ca%es swaddled in chili $aste, s6 id drownin# in #arlic, "ri#htenin# "ish !ellies ! rstin# with salty roe, and the ever+$resent little $lates o" ca!!a#es and $reserved t rni$s and seaweed and ch n%s o" delecta!le dried !ee". -e eat in the ,sian "ashion, eyes on o r "ood, hearty sl r$s o" to" stew and little !elches indicatin# o r involvement with the meal, my hand reachin# "or a #lass o" alcoholic so*u, hers "or a dainty c $ o" !arley tea. , $eace" l "amily. No need "or words. -e love each other and "eed each other. Ahe calls me kokiri and %isses my nose. I call her malishka, or 'little one( in 0 ssian, a dan#ero s word only !eca se it once s$illed o t o" my $arents mo ths, !ac% when I was nder three "eet tall and their love "or me was sim$le and tr e. ,nd the warmth o" a Korean resta rant, the endless $rocession o" $lates, as i" the meal cannot end ntil the whole world is eaten, the sho tin# and la #hter a"ter the meal is done, the nchec%ed ine!riation o" the older men, the #i##ly chatter o" the yo n#er women, and everywhere the ties o" the "amily. Its no wonder "or me that Jews and Koreans j m$ so easily into romantic relations. -e were stewed in di""erent $ots, to !e s re, ! t !oth $ots are ! r!lin# with "amilial warmth and the easiness, nosiness, and ne roticism that s ch $ro=imity creates. -hile we were l nchin# at one o" the lo der $laces on EDnd Atreet, E nice saw a man eatin# !y himsel" and si$$in# a /oca+ /ola. 'Its so sad,( E nice said, 'to see a Korean man witho t a wi"e or #irl"riend to tell him not to drin% that j n%.( Ahe li"ted $ her c $ o" !arley tea as i" to show him a healthier alternative. 'I dont thin% hes Korean,( I said to E nice. '5y I$$IrIt says hes "rom Ahan#hai.( 'Oh,( she said, losin# interest as soon as her !loodlines to the solitary ,sian /oca+/ola drin%er were c t. -hen we were wal%in# home, o r stomachs "illed with #arlic and chili, the s mmer heat witho t and the $e$$er heat within coverin# o r !odies with a lovely sheen, I started to $onder what E nice had said. It was sad, accordin# to her, that the ,sian man did not have a wi"e or #irl"riend to tell him not to drin% the /oca+/ola. , #rown man had to !e told how to !ehave. <e needed the $resence o" a #irl"riend or wi"e to c r! his !asest instincts. -hat monstro s disre#ard "or individ ality4 ,s i" all o" s didnt l st, on occasion, "or a dro$ o" arti"icially sweetened li6 id to "all $on o r ton# es. 2 t then I started thin%in# a!o t it "rom E nices $oint o" view. The "amily was eternal. The !onds o" %inshi$ co ld never !e

!ro%en. Go watched o t "or others o" yo r %ind and they watched o t "or yo . 1erha$s it was I who had !een remiss, in not carin# eno #h "or E nice, in not correctin# her when she ordered #arlic%y sweet+$otato "ries or dran% a mil%sha%e witho t the re6 isite vitamin !oost. -asnt it j st yesterday, a"ter I had commented on o r a#e di""erence, that she had said, 6 ite serio sly, 'Go cant die !e"ore me, 8enny.( ,nd then, a"ter a moments consideration: '1lease $romise me that yo ll always ta%e care o" yo rsel", even when Im not aro nd to tell yo what to do.( ,nd so, wal%in# down the street, o r !reath $ondero s with %imchi and "i))y O2 !eer, I !e#an to reconsider o r relationshi$. I started to see it E nices way. -e now had o!li#ations to each other. O r "amilies had "ailed s, and now we had to "orm an e6 ally stron# and end rin# connection to each other. ,ny #a$ !etween s was a "ail re. A ccess wo ld come when neither o" s %new where one ended and the other !e#an. -ith that in mind, I crawled on to$ o" her when we had reached home and $ressed mysel" a#ainst her $ !ic !one with #reat r#ency. '8enny,( she said. Ahe was !reathin# very 6 ic%ly. Id %nown her "or a month, and we had still not cons mmated o r relationshi$. -hat I had seen as a si#n o" #reat $atience and traditional morality on my $art I now saw as a "ail re to connect. 'E nice,( I said. '5y love.( 2 t that so nded too small. '5y li"e,( I said. E nices le#s were s$read, and she was tryin# to accommodate me. 'Go are my li"e.( '-hat3( 'Go are( 'Ahhh,( she said, r !!in# my $ale sho lders. 'Ah sh, 8enny. 2e 6 iet, my sweet, sweet t na+!rain.( I $ressed mysel" inside her all the more, tryin# to wend my way into a $lace "rom which I wo ld never de$art. -hen I arrived there, when her m scles tensed and clas$ed me, when her collar!one j tted o t, when the s$ectac lar late+J ne twili#ht detonated across my sim$le !edroom and she #roaned with what I ho$ed was $leas re, I saw that there were at least two tr ths to my li"e. The tr th o" my e=istence and the tr th o" my demise. -ith my minds eye "loatin# over my !ald s$ot and, !eneath that, the thic% tendrils o" E nices mane s$illin# over three s $$ortive $illows, I saw her stron#, vital le#s with their hal"+moon calves and !etween them the chal%y white ! l% o" me moored, ri#hted, held in $lace "or li"e. I saw the tanned, !oyish !ody !eneath me, and the new s mmertime "rec%les, and the alert ni$$les that "ormed ti#ht !rown ca$s les !etween my "in#ers, and "elt the melody o" her #arlic%y, sweet, sli#htly t rned !reath@and I !e#an, with the %ind o" insistence that !rin#s o t heart attac%s in men si= years older than mysel", to $l n#e in and o t o" E nices ti#htness, a des$erate animal #rowl "ilterin# o t o" my l n#s. E nices eyes, wet and com$assionate, watched me do what I needed to do. Unli%e others o" her #eneration, she was not com$letely stee$ed in $orno#ra$hy, and so the instinct "or se= came "rom somewhere else inside her> it s$o%e o" the need "or warmth instead o" de!asement. Ahe li"ted $ her head, envelo$in# me with her own heat, and !it the so"t $rot !erance o" my lower li$. 'Dont leave me, 8enny,( she whis$ered into my ear. 'Dont $lease ever leave me.( THE *UIET AMERICAN FROM THE GLOBALTEENS ACCOUNT OF EUNICE PARK

JULY 2 /<UN7.-ON.1,0K 34 EUNI+T,0D: E nhee, -e terri!le worry ri#ht now !eca se it so nd li%e !ad $olitical sit ation in 5anhattan. Go sho ld move !ac% to Cort 8ee and !e "amily. This is more im$ortant than st dy "or 8A,T even. 0emem!er we are old $eo$le and we see history. Daddy and I live thro #h !ad time in Korea when many $eo$le die on street, st dent yo n# $eo$le li%e yo and Aally. 5a%e s re yo no $olitical. 5a%e s re Aally no $olitical. Aome time she tal%. -e want come see yo T esday comin# $. 0everend A % he was teacher to o r 0everend /ho !rin# his s$ecial sinners cr sade to madison s6 are #arden "rom Korea and we thin% all "amily sho ld #o and $ray and we #o to dinner later and meet this mee# % !oy yo say j st 0oommate. I am dissa$oint yo lie to me that yo live with Joy 8ee ! t I than% Jes that yo and Aally alive and sa"e. Even Daddy is so 6 iet now !eca se he is 7rate" l and on his %nee !e"ore 7od. This is di""ic lt time. -e come to ,merica and now what ha$$en to ,merica3 -e worry. -hat it was all "or3 -hen we "irst come, !e"ore yo were !orn, it was not so easy. Go dont %now how Daddy str ##le "or $atient, even $oor 5e=ican who has no ins rance and he $ay "i"ty dollar a h ndred dollar. Even now he str ##le. 5ay!e we ma%e !i# mista%e. Ao $lease, ma%e time "or s T esday. Dress nice, nothin# chea$ or li%e 'ho( ! t I always tr st how yo wear. Daddy say now there is road !loc% on 7- !rid#e and also holland t nnel. Ao how $eo$le "rom New Jersey s $$ose come3 8ove yo , 5ommy EUNI+T,0D: Aally, are yo o%ay3 A,88GAT,0: Geah. Go 3 This is insane. -eve !een 'advised( not to leave the cam$ s. Aome o" the 5idwestern "irst years are "rea%in# o t. Im $ ttin# to#ether an in"o session to hel$ everyone deal. EUNI+T,0D: I do not want yo doin# ,NGT<IN7 1olitical4 Do yo hear me3 This is the one time I thin% moms li%e 1;; $ercent ri#ht. 1lease, Aally, j st $romise me. A,88GAT,0: O%ay.

EUNI+T,0D: This is AE0IOUA. I am yo r older sister, Aally. A,88GAT,0: I said OK,G. A,88GAT,0: E nice, why didnt yo tell me yo had a !oy"riend3 EUNI+T,0D: 2eca se I have to !e a 'roll model( accordin# to mom. A,88GAT,0: Thats not " nny. Its li%e yo re not even my sister i" yo cant tell me these thin#s. EUNI+T,0D: -ell, its not li%e were a normal "amily, ri#ht3 -ere a s$ecial "amily. <a ha. ,nyway, hes not really my !". Its not li%e were #ettin# married. I told mom hes my roommate. A,88GAT,0: -hats he li%e3 Is he m h+shee+s h3 EUNI+T,0D: Does that matter3 I mean, its not really a!o t loo%s with this # y. <es not Korean either, j st so yo %now and can #et j d#e+mental on me. A,88GAT,0: I # ess as lon# as he treats yo well. EUNI+T,0D: U#h, I dont want to !e havin# this conversation. A,88GAT,0: Is he comin# to the cr sade on T esday3 EUNI+T,0D: Ges. Ao $lease act !rain+smart. Do yo %now anythin# a!o t /lassics3 I mean li%e te=ts3 A,88GAT,0: I j st scanned E ro /lassics ! t I dont remem!er a thin# there were so many te=t $a#es. Aomethin# !y this # y 7rayham 7reen a!o t a Fietnamese #irl called 1h on#, li%e the #irl who wor%ed at 8ees 2anh 5i in 7ardena. -hy do we have to im$ress him3 EUNI+T,0D: -e dont. I j st want him to %now were a smart "amily. A,88GAT,0: Im s re mom will act nice and then say really mean thin#s !ehind his !ac%. EUNI+T,0D: Theyll j st sit there and dad will drin% and ma%e those throat+clearin# noises. A,88GAT,0: 5 h h h h hmm. EUNI+T,0D: <ah4 I love it when yo imitate dad. I miss yo . A,88GAT,0: -hy dont yo come to dinner with Uncle Joon Criday3 5ay!e sans !oy"riend. EUNI+T,0D: I li%e that 'sans.( Thats !rain+smart. I dont really want to see Uncle Joon. <es a " c%in# dead!eat. A,88GAT,0: Thats mean. EUNI+T,0D: <e yelled at me last Than%s#ivin# when he visited "rom Korea !eca se mom and I #ot a t r%ey thats too lar#e. ,nd his wi"e went sho$$in# in To$an#a and she !o #ht Dad a $air o" $liers "or, li%e, si=teen ! c%s, not even y an+$e##ed, and %e$t sayin# 'Oh, ma%e s re yo r dad %nows this #i"t "rom me.( Do yo %now how m ch money dads #iven that idiot h s!and o" hers and she !o #ht him some $liers in ret rn3 A,88GAT,0: Theyre "amily. ,nd their ta=i ! siness isnt doin# #ood. Its the tho #ht that co nts. EUNI+T,0D: Theyre the only $eo$le in Korea not ma%in# any money these days. 0etards. A,88GAT,0: -hy are yo so an#ry all the time3 -hats yo r !"s name3 EUNI+T,0D: Im j st an an#ry $erson !y nat re. ,nd I hate it when $eo$le ta%e advanta#e o" other $eo$le. <is name is 8enny. I told yo hes really not my !". A,88GAT,0: Did he #rad ate yo r year "rom colle#e3 EUNI+T,0D: Um, hes 1J years older. A,88GAT,0: Oh, E nice. EUNI+T,0D: -hatever. <es smart. ,nd he ta%es care o" me. ,nd i" yo and mom are #oin# to hate him then its only #oin# to ma%e me li%e him more. A,88GAT,0: Im not #oin# to hate him. Is he /hristian or /atholic3 EUNI+T,0D: Neither4 <es circ mcised. <a ha. A,88GAT,0: I dont #et it. EUNI+T,0D: <es Jewish. I call him %o%iri. Go ll see why4 A,88GAT,0: Thats interestin#, I # ess. EUNI+T,0D: -hat have yo !een eatin#3 A,88GAT,0: J st some man#oes with this "resh 7ree% yo# rt they #ot at the ca"eteria now. EUNI+T,0D: Cor l nch3 ,re yo snac%in#3 A,88GAT,0: I had an avocado. EUNI+T,0D: Theyre #ood "or yo ! t theyre "atty. A,88GAT,0: OK. Than%s. EUNI+T,0D: 8enny says thin#s to me that are so sweet ! t they dont ma%e me vomit. Not li%e some 5edia or /redit # y who j st wants to #et laid and move on. 8enny cares. ,nd hes there "or me every day. A,88GAT,0: I didnt say anythin#, E nice. Go dont have to de"end him. J st ma%e s re he ta%es o"" his shoes i" he ever comes to the ho se. EUNI+T,0D: <a ha. I %now. -hite $eo$le are sic% that way. They co ld have j st ste$$ed in $oo or a homeless $erson. A,88GAT,0: AI/K4 EUNI+T,0D: 8enny says I dont have any control over my emotions, !eca se thats what dad is li%e. <e says I crave ne#ative attention. A,88GAT,0: Go told a stran#er a!o t dad3333 EUNI+T,0D: <es not a stran#er. Go have to #et o t o" that mindset. Thats what !ein# in a relationshi$ is a!o t. Tal%in# to the other $erson. A,88GAT,0: Thats why Im never #oin# to !e in a relationshi$. Im j st #oin# to #et married.

EUNI+T,0D: Do yo ever miss /,3 I miss In+N+O t. Id %ill "or an ,nimal Atyle ! r#er. 5mm. 7rilled onions. Not that yo sho ld !e eatin# red meat. I j st sometimes want to #o !ac% to how thin#s were when we were really yo n#. Go %now whats the worst is when yo re ha$$y and sad at the same time and yo cant "i# re o t which is which. A,88GAT,0: I # ess. I #ot to st dy "or chem. Dont tal% a!o t o r "amily too m ch to others, o%ay, E nice3 They wont nderstand it and no one cares anyway. EUNI+T,0D: 1lease stay sa"e, Aally. J st st dy and eat healthy. I love yo so m ch. EUNI+T,0D 34 70I882IT/<: Dear 1recio s 1ony, -hat a wee%. I am AO " c%ed. 5y mother "o nd o t I wasnt livin# with Joy 8ee, so I "inally told her I had a white 'roommate( who is also a 2OG. Ao now she wants me to #o to some st $id ch rch thin# so she can meet him. U#h, this is li%e my worst ni#htmare. 8ennys !een whinin# to meet my $arents and now hell thin% Im cavin# in and he has the $$er hand with me and can do whatever he wants, li%e not clean the a$artment or ma%e me leave the ti$ at resta rants even tho #h he %nows my /redit is 5,XED. G $ my ran%in# j st hit the ma#ic n m!er. Under 9;;4 Ao m ch "or '/hinese( $eo$le not s$endin#. <a ha. ,nd now my mom will %now Im datin# an old hairy white # y. Ao I told 8enny he cant tell my mom that were #oin# o t and he #ot really $set, li%e he thin%s Im ashamed o" him or somethin#. <e says that Im tryin# to $ sh him away !eca se Im s !stit tin# him "or my "ather, ! t that he wont let me, which is $retty !allsy "or a nerd+"ace. Thin#s have !een $retty $ and down with s, altho #h he "inally had some 5a#ic 1 ssy 1enetration Time and it wasnt !ad. -hat he lac%s in loo%s he more than ma%es $ "or in $assion. I tho #ht he was #oin# to e=$lode4 -hat else3 The riots were $retty aw" l and now it ta%es "orever to #et aro nd town. 8enny tries to act all #allant li%e hes #oin# to $rotect me "rom those National 7 ard # ys ! t its not li%e theyre #oin# to shoot ,sians, ri#ht3 Oh, I met his "riends. This one # y Noah was c te, %ind o" tall and conventionally handsome. <is #irl"riend is this really hot woman ,my 7reen!er#, who has her own stream that #ets li%e a million views. Ahe has this really awesome $se do+smart $ersonality and a $retty hot "ace. Ahe streams a!o t not !ein# $etite, which is sad ! t she j st wasnt ! ilt that way. ,nyway I noticed Noah sco$in# me OUT and when I too% o"" my sweater he j st started AT,0IN7 down my shirt and I was "lattered, ! t its not li%e Ive #ot anythin# down there. Then he told me I had 'acer!ic wit( and I was j st li%e 'ha ha,( altho #h I co ldnt hel$ mentally cheatin# on 8enny a little. ,nd then this Korean #irl 7race was tal%in# to me "or ho rs. Ahes really sweet and tries to ma%e yo "eel li%e shes on yo r side, ! t I thin% its all j st an act. Ahe #ot all this in"ormation a!o t how my "ather !eats my mother !eca se she s$oilt the to" nder the # ise o" !e"riendin# me. I dont %now why I told her any o" it and I "elt really v lnera!le the whole ni#ht. -hatever. I hate all o" them. Ao the ne=t day I went !ac% to Tom$%ins 1ar% with some cases o" !ottled water, !eca se I heard they dont have any and the ,0, sh t down the water "o ntain and toilets in all the $ar%s. There were all these hi$sters r nnin# aro nd streamin# a!o t the riots, ! t no!odys really hel$in# o t the 8N-Is. I h n# o t with David, that c te # y who was in the National 7 ard in Fene) ela. <e has li%e "o r teeth in his mo th !eca se he never had Dental and he was in an e=$losion. 2 t its still very ins$irin# to tal% to him, !eca se he always says what he means & nli%e 8enny and his "riends*. 8i%e hell say 'Ah t $4( or 'Go re wron#, E nice,( or 'Go have no idea what yo re tal%in# a!o t,( or 'Thats j st a <i#h Net -orth way o" loo%in# at thin#s.( I li%e that, when $eo$le act ally call yo on yo r shit. ,nyway, I never tho #ht I wo ld care a!o t 1olitical st "", ! t I can listen to David #o on "or ho rs. <e says a lot o" 7 ardsmen li%e him who didnt #et their !on ses a"ter Fene) ela are thin%in# o" #ettin# to#ether and theyre #oin# to "i#ht !ac% a#ainst the National 7 ard i" theyre attac%ed. <e says the 7 ard these days are j st a ! nch o" $oor $eo$le hired "rom the so th !y this -a$ach n# /ontin#ency thin# 8enny wor%s "or and they dont care who they %ill. <im and his "riends are callin# themselves ,)i)s ,rmy !eca se o" the ! s driver who was shot in /entral 1ar%, the same one I saw with 8enny. I told David I dont want to !e 1olitical, ! t he wrote down all these s $$lies they need, li%e cans o" t na and !eans and !a!y wi$es and st "", and I wonder i" I sho ld #et it "or them even tho #h my ,llied-aste is com$letely ma=ed o t. 5ay!e I sho ld as% 8enny to hel$ me, ! t "or some reason I dont really want him %nowin# a!o t David even tho #h were j st "riends. The way they have it set $ is $retty ama)in#. Its a tiny little $ar%, ! t li%e every little !it o" it is sed "or a $ r$ose. -here there sed to !e a do# r n all these ,DO0,28E and AU010IAIN78G /8E,N+8OOKIN7 %ids $lay soccer with an old !as%et!all. I # ess I sho ld #et them a real soccer !all at 1ara#on. Theres recyclin# o" all "oods "rom #ar!a#e cans which is %ind o" #ross, ! t !asically $eo$le li%e 8enny throw o t so m ch st "" that David said yo can #et li%e ten meals o t o" the ty$ical dinner wasted !y a /redit # y "rom the East Filla#e. Theyre so or#ani)ed here, it %ind o" reminds me o" my "amily #rowin# $. Everyones assi#ned a role, no matter how yo n# or old, and everyone has to do their $art, even the sno!!y /redit and 5edia # ys who lost their jo!s and now live in the $ar%. ,nd i" yo dont do what yo re told, to #h l c%, yo re o t. It %ind o" made me miss hel$in# o t at that shelter "or tra""ic%ed ,l!anian women in 0ome. 8enny says hes $ro d o" me "or doin# that, ! t then he always calls them ,87E0I,NA or ,C0I/,NA instead o" ,l!anians, li%e that so nds cooler. 2 t David immediately %new what I was tal%in# a!o t. Its interestin# how $eo$le who have !een thro #h a lot, they have this %ind o" childli%e loo% on their "ace. ,nyway, David said I didnt need to ta%e any more ,ssertiveness classes li%e I was $lannin# to at /ol m!ia, ! t I sho ld j st #et ! sy and hel$ o t at the $ar%. I said yes, ! t I %ind o" dont want to r n into my sister $ there, I dont %now why. Its li%e !ein# a saint is <E0 territory and I j st want her to thin% o" me as the $rotector o" o r "amily. Theres so m ch to do, it ma%es me di))y. They #ot rid o" most o" the rodents, ! t <ealthcare is the !i##est $ro!lem, so in di""erent corners o" the $ar% theres tents with si#ns sayin# 'DI1<T<E0I,( &TO+tally conta#io s*, 'TG1<OID( &red s$ots on the chest, eww*, '1E88,70,( &note to sel": have to #et vitamin 2E "rom 8enny*, ',AT<5,( &#et 8ennys old inhalers, some o" them still have j ice*, 'DE<GD0,TION( &more !ottled water ,A,1*, '/8OT<EA -,A<IN7 ,ND A,NIT,TION( &thats where Im

#oin# to hel$ o t ne=t wee%*, '5,8NUT0ITION.( 5aln trition is mostly $i#eon $eas and rice, !eca se theyre chea$ and so many $eo$le here are /ari!!ean, ! t theyre loo%in# "or donations o" anythin#. They even have a 7lo!alTeens acco nt nder 'a)i) army( i" yo want to donate some ^. 5ay!e I sho ld #et my dad to come o t and hel$ them a little, ca se hes an 5.D.3 -hen I was in hi#h school I tried to hel$ o t at his o""ice ! t he j st said I was worthless even tho #h I tried so hard and $ t all his charts on a com$ ter !eca se no!ody can read his handwritin# and I even cleaned the !athroom in the o""ice to$ to !ottom !eca se my mother #ets so distracted she misses corners. Go %now, 8ennys so %ind to me that sometimes I "or#et to %ee$ my # ard $ and tal% to him li%e a "riend, ! t yo re still my one and only !estest tr est "riend, 1ony. ,nd yet Im so in love with him. U#h. I said it. Aometimes I can s$end hal" an ho r in the mornin# j st watchin# him slee$in#, and Ill $ t my arm aro nd him and draw him close to me and he loo%s so $eace" l and darlin#, his little hairy chest #oin# $ and down li%e a $ $$ys. Oy vey. I ho$e yo dont thin% I ta%e yo "or #ranted, 1recio s 1. I thin% a!o t yo all the time and yo re still a 5,JO0 $art o" my li"e. Oh, and I saw the $ics o" that 5e=ican ho 7o$hers !een " c%in# and she has a totally !ro%e+ass "ace4 1one, yo are so s $er+$retty !y com$arison4 Dont let that dic%lic% invalidate who yo are. <es j st tryin# to #et to yo !eca se he %nows yo re o t o" his lea# e. O%ay, #ot to #o and clean the !atht ! !eca se my s $er+smart !oy"riend doesnt %now how to. Tal% to yo later, stic%y ! n. 70I882IT/< 34 EUNI+T,0D: 1anda, Im o"" to J icy "or a va# rej v, ! t what the hell is 'acer!ic wit(3 I tried to loo% it $ on Teens ! t all I #ot was 'aero!ic whi$.( Is that the same3 0emem!er what 1ro" 5ar#a = told s, !eware o" # ys who try to so nd too smart. 1.A. I loo%ed $ yo r ,my 7reen!er# and she /OU8D se to lose another twenty $o nds, altho #h she #ets $oints "or !ein# old. 1.A.A. ,re yo #oin# to stream ,merican A$ender toni#ht3 0emem!er that #irl with the her$es sty in her eye in !io Kelli No)ares3 Ahe is totally #oin# to !e on it and shes #ot all %inds o" /redit I hear !eca se ,88 T<0EE o" her !rothers are De!t 2om!ers. I" she wins I am serio sly #oin# to stran#le some!ody. 1.A.A.A. I" thin#s #et dan#ero s there, may!e yo A<OU8D move o t to /,. I see $oor $eo$le han#in# o t in tents on the medians ! t its not so !ad still. E=ce$t my dads ! siness is doin# really !ad even tho #h toilet $l n#ers are s $$osed to !e de$ression+$roo", ! t I wal%ed into my moms !athroom and I ca #ht her sittin# on the "loor cryin# with all her li%e twenty+year+old 7ol" Di#ests j st lyin# all aro nd. Oh 7od. 5ay!e I sho ld move o t o" the ho se, h h3 2 t then this is $ro!a!ly when they need me the most, and its not li%e my !rothers #oin# to do anythin#. Its always on the #irls to %ee$ the "amily #oin#. -ere li%e the sacra"icial lam$s. Ill thresh yo later, 1anda+#a+tor. ,_I_,05G+INCO 34 EUNI+T,0D: <i, E nice. David here. 8isten, its the Co rth o" J ly in two days and /ameron at 5orale, -el"are Y 0ecreation says we need 1D; nits o" <e!rew National hot do# and also 1D; hot do# ! ns, 9; cans o" root !eer &any !rand*, J; nits o" ,"ter2ite Ori#inal "or the mos6 itoes, and D; nits o" /lini6 e A%in A $$lies "or 5en 5 1rotect, A1C D1. /an yo !rin# all that over $ronto3 Tho #ht a!o t o r conversation re: $arents and si!lin#s. This is what I reali)ed when I was an nder#rad at UT and a"ter I was in the 7 ard downran#e in the Fene) elan swam$lands eatin# #rilled ca$y!ara with my troo$s and ta%in# 2olTvar "la% DOPN: No matter what social arran#ement were in, were always an army. Go re an army and yo r "athers an army, and yo love each other, ! t yo have to #o to war in order to !e somethin# li%e a "ather and da #hter. O2JE/T 8EAAON: 5y dad died a!o t ei#hty %lic%s north o" Karachi. <e was a # nner and those are always the to #hest assholes. 2 t in the very last messa#e I #ot ri#ht !e"ore they am! shed his ass he !asically said, David, yo are a dreamer and a dis#race and yo ll never #et yo r shit to#ether, and Ill always "i#ht everythin# yo !elieve in, ! t Ill also never love anyone more than yo , so i" anythin# ha$$ens to me j st %ee$ #oin# the way yo are. I thin% thats where we went wron# as a co ntry. -e were a"raid to really "i#ht each other, and so we devolved into this 2i$artisan thin# and this ,0, thin#. -hen we lost to ch with how m ch we really hate each other, we also lost the res$onsi!ility "or o r common " t re. I thin% when the d st settles and the 2i$artisans are history thats how were #oin# to live, as small nits who dont a#ree. I dont %now what well call it, $olitical $arties, military co ncils, city+states, ! t thats how its #oin# to !e and were not #oin# to screw it $ this time. Itll !e li%e 1NN. all over a#ain. ,ct Two "or ,merica. O%ay, E nice, Im o"" "or the ni#ht. Dont "or#et the s $$lies "or the Co rth. Go rs, David THE SINNERS$ CRUSADE FROM THE DIARIES OF LENNY ABRAMOV

JU8G N Dear Diary, I hate the Co rth o" J ly. The early middle a#e o" s mmer. Everythin# is alive and %ic%in# "or now, ! t the event al decline into "all has already set itsel" in motion. Aome o" the lesser shr !s and ! shes, seared !y the heat, are startin# to resem!le a !ad

$ero=ide jo!. The heat reaches a !la)in# $ea%, ! t s mmer is lyin# to itsel", ! rnin# o t li%e some alcoholic #eni s. ,nd yo start to wonder@what have I done with J ne3 The $oorest o" the lot@the Fladec% <o se $roject dwellers who live !eneath my co+o$@seem to ta%e s mmer in stride> they #roan and sweat, drin% the wron# %ind o" la#er, ma%e love, the s6 at children com$letin# mad circles aro nd them !y "oot or mo ntain !i%e. 2 t "or the more com$etitive o" New Gor%ers, even "or me, the s mmer is there to !e sl r$ed $. -e %now s mmer is the hei#ht o" !ein# alive. -e dont !elieve in 7od or the $ros$ect o" an a"terli"e mostly, so we %now that were only #iven ei#hty s mmers or so $er li"etime, and each one has to !e !etter than the last, has to encom$ass a tri$ to that arts center $ at 2ard, a seemin#ly mellow #ame o" !adminton over at some yahoos Fermont cotta#e, and a cool, wet, sli#htly dan#ero s %aya% tri$ down an n"or#ivin# river. Otherwise, how wo ld yo %now that yo have lived yo r s mmertime !est3 -hat i" yo missed o t on some morsel o" shaded nirvana3 Cran%ly, these days, %nowin# that immortality is " rther away "rom me than ever &the DE9,;;; is #one> only ^1,.1J,;;; to my name at last co nt*, I $re"er the wintertime, when all is dead aro nd me, and nothin# ! ds, and the tr th o" eternity, so cold and dar%, is revealed to the n"ort nate acolytes o" reality. ,nd most o" all I hate this $artic lar s mmer, which has already le"t a h ndred cor$ses in the $ar%. ',n nsta!le, !arely #overna!le co ntry $resentin# #rave ris% to the international system o" cor$orate #overnance and e=chan#e mechanisms( is what /entral 2an%er 8i called s when his ass had landed sa"ely in 2eijin#. -e had !een h miliated in "ront o" the world. The Co rth o" J ly "irewor%s were canceled. The $arade to crown the ',merican A$ender( winner $ t on hold !eca se a section o" 2roadway near /ity <all had ! c%led in the heat. The remainin# streets were em$ty, the citi)enry $r dently stayin# home, the C r nnin# at one train $er ho r &not that di""erent "rom its normal sched le, I m st say*. The only chan#es noticea!le are the new ,0, si#ns droo$in# o"" some o" the /redit 1oles "eat rin# a ti#er $awin# at a miniat re #lo!e and the words ',merica is !ac%4 7rrrr B Dont write s o" VsicW. ,int No Ato$$in Us Now4 To#ether -ell A r$rise the -orld4( T esday mornin#, a"ter the lon# wee%end, 1ost+< man Aervices sent a <y ndai Town /ar to $ic% me $ "or wor%. It too% "orever to #et $ to the U$$er East Aide. ,lmost every !loc% #oin# $ Cirst ,ven e was a !ar!ed+wire+strewn chec%$oint. 2leary+ eyed, overwor%ed 7 ardsmen with those thic% ,la!amississi$$i accents wo ld $ ll s over, search the vehicle "rom en#ine to tr n%, $lay with my data, h miliate the Dominican driver !y ma%in# him sin# 'The Atar+A$an#led 2anner( &I mysel" dont %now the words> who does3* and then ma%in# him $arade in "ront o" a /redit 1ole. 'Aoon the timell come, #rassho$$er,( one o" the soldiers !rayed at the driver, '"or s to send yo r chulo ass home.( ,t the o""ice, Kelly Nardl was cryin# over the riots, while the yo n# "ol% in the Eternity 8o n#e were dee$ into their I$$IrIti, teeth #rindin#, snea%er+clad "eet crossed, ns re o" how to inter$ret all the new in"ormation $o rin# over them li%e warm s mmer $o$, everyone awaitin# Joshies c e. The 7 ard had cleared a $art o" the $ar% and let in 5edia. I was watchin# Noahs stream as he am!led $ and down /edar <ill, $ast the remnants o" tar$s and som!er, amoe!a+sha$ed $ools o" real+time !lood on the tired #rass, which made Kelly whim$er all over her tem$eh+covered des%. Ahe was a to chstone o" honest emotion, o r Kelly. I too% my t rn $ettin# her head and inhalin# her. One day, i" o r race is to s rvive, we will have to "i# re o t how to download her #oodness and install it in o r children. In the meantime, my mood indicators on The 2oards went "rom 'mee% ! t coo$erative( to '$lay" lPc ddlyPli%es to learn new thin#s.( Joshie had called a " ll or#ani)ational meetin#, /ow!oys and Indians. -e wal%ed to the Indians a ditori m on Gor% ,ven e, si#ni"icantly lar#er than o r syna#o# es main sanct ary, Joshie leadin# s $ast the chec%$oints with one hand raised $ in the air, li%e a schoolteacher on a "ield tri$. '1ointless loss o" li"e,( he said once installed at the dais, si$$in# elo6 ently "rom his thermos o" nsweetened #reen tea, as we re#arded him m ltic lt rally "rom o r $l sh reclinin# seats. '8oss o" $resti#e "or the co ntry. 8oss o" to rist y an. 8oss o" "ace "or o r leadershi$, as i" they had any "ace to lose. ,nd "or what3 Nothin# has !een achieved in /entral 1ar%. -hen will the 2i$artisans reali)e that %illin# 8ow Net -orth Individ als will not reverse this co ntrys trade de"icit or c re o r !alance+o"+$ayment $ro!lems3( 'Tr th to $ower,( <oward Ah !rown+nosed !ehind him, ! t the rest o" s remained 6 iet, $erha$s too shoc%ed !y the latest t rn o" history to "ind s ccor even in Joshies words. Nonetheless, I smiled timidly and waved, ho$in# he wo ld notice me. 'The dollar has !een #rossly, "antastically mismana#ed,( Joshie went on, his s al !em sed conversational "ace coiled !y the %ind o" ra#e that wasnt allowed at 1ost+< man Aervices, a ra#e decidedly re+h man, $arts o" his chin sha%in# inde$endently, so that "rom one an#le he loo%ed thirty years old and "rom another si=ty. 'The ,0, has tried a do)en di""erent economic $lans in as many months. 1rivati)ation, de$rivati)ation, savin#s stim l s, s$endin# stim l s, re# lation, dere# lation, $e##ed c rrency, "loatin# c rrency, controlled c rrency, ncontrolled c rrency, more tari""s, less tari""s. ,nd the net res lt: bu kis. MThe economy has still not achieved traction, to 6 ote o r !eloved Ced chairman. ,s we s$ea%, in <A2/+8ondon, the /hinese and the EU are in "inal $artnershi$ tal%s. -e are "inally no lon#er critically relevant to the world economy. The rest o" the #lo!e is stron# eno #h to deco $le "rom s. -e, o r co ntry, o r city, o r in"rastr ct re, are in a state o" "ree"all. '2 t,( Joshie said. ,nd here he !reathed in dee$ly, smiled sincerely, the dechroni"ication treatments comin# to li"e on his "ace, #lowin# eyes, #lowin# dome, #lowin# s%in@we moved sli#htly to the ed#e o" o r seats, "in#ered o r c $ holders s ##estively. '-e have to remem!er that o r $rimary o!li#ation is to o r clients. -e have to remem!er that all those who died in /entral 1ar% over the last "ew days were, in the lon# r n, IT1, Im$ossi!le to 1reserve. Unli%e o r clients, their time on o r $lanet was limited. -e m st remind o rselves o" the Callacy o" 5erely E=istin#, which restricts what we can do "or a whole sector o" $eo$le. Get, even tho #h we may a!solve o rselves o" res$onsi!ility, we, as a technolo#ical elite, can set a #ood e=am$le. I say to all the naysayers: The !est is yet to come. '2eca se we are the last, !est ho$e "or this nations " t re. '-e are the creative economy. ',nd we will $revail4( There were m rm rs o" assent "rom the /ow!oys, while the Indians were lowin# to #et !ac% to their wor%. I con"ess my

mind was elsewhere too, des$ite the im$ortance o" what Joshie was sayin#, des$ite the $ride I "elt at !ein# a $art o" this creative economy &a $ride ver#in# on the $atriotic*, and des$ite the # ilt I "elt a!o t the deaths o" the $oor $eo$le. That ni#ht I was #oin# to meet E nice 1ar%s $arents. I had never dressed "or ch rch !e"ore, and my syna#o# e days were a 6 arter o" a cent ry !ehind me, Gahweh !e $raised. Not one o" my "riends had ever met e=actly the ri#ht $erson &7race and Fishn e=ce$ted*, so there was never a need to dress $ "or a weddin#. I "ora#ed dee$ly into the recesses o" the one closet not ceded to E nices shoes to "ind a s it jac%et made o t o" what may have !een $oly rethane, a silvery n m!er I had sed at s$eech and de!ate to rnaments in hi#h school, one that always won me sym$athy $oints "rom the j d#es !eca se I loo%ed li%e an entry+level $im$ "rom a de#entri"ied $art o" 2roo%lyn. E nice scr tini)ed me with n!elievin# eyes. I leaned over to %iss her, ! t she $ shed me away. ',ct li%e a roommate, o%ay3( she said. The $rotocol o" the meetin#, the roommate charade, wei#hed on me, ! t I chose not to worry over it. The 1ar%s were immi#rant $arents. I wo ld convince them o" my "inancial and social worth. I wo ld $ress their emotional $anic ! ttons with the !ris%ness I reserve "or enterin# my !an% code. I wo ld ma%e them nderstand that in these tro !led times they co ld co nt on a white # y li%e me to steward their da #hter. '/an I at least tell yo r sister that were more than roomies3( I as%ed E nice. 'Ahe %nows.( 'Ahe %nows3( , small victory4 I reached over and ! ttoned the sil%y white wor% shirt E nice had $ t on, and she %issed me on !oth hands as I was "ittin# the ! ttons into the ela!orate loo$s. The worshi$ service was to !e held in one o" the 5adison A6 are 7arden a ditori ms, an overlit yet " ndamentally dar% am$hitheater s ita!le "or may!e three tho sand $ersons, ! t today "illed with hal" as many. The heavy se o" li#hts e=$osed the din#iness o" the $lace, the "acilities !arely swe$t "rom the last event, which may well have !een a licorice convention. 5ost attendees were Korean, with the e=ce$tion o" the "ew Jewish and -,A1ish yo n# men !ro #ht in !y their #irl"riends. Teena#ers wearin# !ri#ht+ #reen sashes with the words '-elcome to 0everend A %s Ainners /r sade( #reeted s and !owed to their elders. /ris$ly dressed %ids, their I$$IrIti con"iscated !y their $arents, horsed aro nd 6 ietly !etween o r "eet, $layin# sim$le coed cational #ames with th m!tac%s and adhesive ta$e, a lone #randmother de$ ti)ed to watch over the lot o" them. I "elt my monstro s s it jac%et #lowin# aro nd my sho lders, ! t the middle+a#ed women with ela!orate $ermed hair and sho lder+$added s it jac%ets, the aj mmas, a sometimes derisive term "or married women I $ic%ed $ "rom 7race, made me "eel !etter a!o t mysel". To#ether we all loo%ed li%e we had !een $l c%ed "rom the distant decade o" 19:;?:9 and de$osited into this d ll, aw%ward " t re, a ! nch o" $oorly dressed sinners throwin# o rselves at the mercy o" /hrist, who was always shar$+loo%in# and trim, #race" l in $ain, %indly in <eaven. Id always wondered i" the Aon o" 7od didnt har!or a wide hatred "or #ly $eo$le, his $leasant teachin#s notwithstandin#. <is li6 id !l e eyes had always h rt me to the 6 ic%. E nice and I wal%ed to o r seats, maintainin# a 'roommate+li%e( decor m, at least three "eet o" d sty atmos$here !etween s at all times. 5iddle+a#ed men, e=ha sted "rom ninety+ho r wor% wee%s, were sl m$ed dee$ into their chests, shoes o"", catchin# $recio s slee$ !e"ore the onsla #ht o" $rayer !e#an. I #ot the sense that these werent the ,+level Koreans, most o" whom had ret rned to the motherland a"ter the economic scales had ti$$ed toward Aeo l. These m st have !een $eo$le "rom the $oorest $rovinces, those who co ldnt #ain admittance to the "iner niversities in their home co ntry, or those who had !ro%en horri!ly with their "amilies. The era o" the Korean #reen#rocers I had %nown as a child had $retty m ch come to a close, ! t the $eo$le aro nd me were less assimilated, still close to the trem lo sly !eatin# heart o" the immi#rant e=$erience. They owned small ! sinesses o tside the #olden )one o" 5anhattan and 2rownstone 2roo%lyn, they str ##led and calc lated, they $ shed their children over the ed#e o" slee$ de$rivation@there wo ld !e no shame" l :..:9O wei#hted avera#es amon# them, no tal% o" 2oston+Nanjin# 5etall r#y /olle#e or T lane. I was nervo s in a way I hadnt !een since childhood. 5y last time in a $lace o" worshi$, I had !een chastised !y the an#ry, a#ed a dience at Tem$le 2eit Kahane "or sin#in# the 5o rners Kaddish "or my $arents when they were 6 ite o!vio sly not dead, and in "act were standin# !lan%ly ne=t to me, mo thin# the <e!rew words none o" s co ld !e#in to nderstand. '-ish " l"illment,( my social wor%er had told me as I so!!ed in her cram$ed U$$er East Aide o""ice a decade later. 'The # ilt o" wishin# them dead.( 5y silvery jac%et #lided $ast the rows o" e=ha sted Koreans. I had to %ee$ mysel" "rom sweatin# " rther, !eca se the reaction o" salt and the $oly+whatever+it+was o" my jac%et may well have hastened all o" s into Jes ss waitin# arms. ,nd then I saw them. Aittin# in a #ood row, heads !ent "orward either "rom a sense o" shame or to #et a head start on worshi$. The "amily 1ar%. The tormentor, the ena!ler, the sister. 5rs. 1ar% loo%ed twenty years older than the a#e E nice had #iven me "or her mother@j st a little over "i"ty. I almost addressed her with another term I had $ic%ed $ "rom 7race, 'halmoni,( ! t was $retty s re she was not the #randmother, that, in "act, E nices #randmother was already in the #ro nd somewhere on the o ts%irts o" Aeo l. '5ommy, this is my roommate, 8enny,( E nice said, her voice li%e nothin# I had heard !e"ore, a sho ted whis$er on its way to !ecomin# a $lea. 5rs. 1ar% had twee)ed her !rows to within an inch o" their li"e, R la E nice, and her ro nd li$s had a trace o" ro #e, ! t that was the e=tent o" her !ea ti"ication $roject. , #reat s$idery we! o" de"eat s$read across her "ace@as i" there lived !elow her nec% a $arasitic creat re that #rad ally ! t $ r$ose" lly removed all the elements that in h man !ein#s com!ine to "orm satis"action and contentment. Ahe was $retty, the "eat res economical, the eyes evenly s$aced, the nose stron# and strai#ht, ! t seein# her reminded me o" a$$roachin# a reassem!led $iece o" 7ree% or 0oman $ottery. Go had to draw o t the !ea ty and ele#ance o" the desi#n, ! t yo r eyes %e$t ret rnin# to the seams and the crac%s "illed with some dar% cohesive s !stance, the missin# handles and random $oc%mar%s. It was an act o" the ima#ination to see 5rs. 1ar% as the $erson she had !een !e"ore she met Dr. 1ar%. I !owed "rom the waist in #reetin#, not low eno #h to caricat re the c stom, ! t eno #h to show her that I %new the tradition e=isted. I shoo% hands with Dr. 1ar%, "eelin# immediately ashamed and in"erior !e"ore him. <is hands were stron#, as was the rest o"

him. <e was a sin# larly handsome man, the one who had o!vio sly !e6 eathed to E nice her !ea ty. <e was dressed down@at least !y com$arison with the other $arishioners@in an ,rnold 1almer $olo shirt, a jac%et sl n# over one arm. <e had a thic% entre$rene rial nec%, and s%in that still !ore the leather o" the /ali"ornia s n. I had never seen a chin so "irm and set, so nmista%a!ly manly, and a lower !ody that contained s ch an endless amo nt o" $ro$ lsion. <e had $artly dar% lenses in his #lasses, another incon#r ity or may!e even a hint o" !las$hemy, which he lowered j st sli#htly to ta%e me in. Des$ite his race, his eyes were almost as li#ht as Jes ss, and they re#arded me with indi""erence. I sat down ne=t to Aally 1ar%, E nices sister, who shyly shoo% my hand. Aally was $retty, ! t she had ta%en more o" her mothers than her "athers loo%s> in a sense, she o$ened a window onto how lovely the mother m st have !een. The "latter "ace and ! l%ier sho lders made her stand a$art "rom her sisters easy #lamo r, at least as "ar as my own j d#mental #a)e was concerned, ! t the "act that she resem!led her mother #ave her an instant %indness. The shadows nder her eyes s$o%e o" st dies nderta%en, endless worry, and hard wor%. The ima#inary $arasitic creat re that constrained her mothers and her sisters ha$$iness had not ! rrowed !eneath her nec%. E nice had told me Aally was the most tender and lovin# mem!er o" her "amily, and I co ld only !elieve this was tr e. ,nd yet Aally !othered me. Thro #ho t the service, she and E nice en#a#ed in a dance o" #lances, li%e two divorced s$o ses who hadnt seen each other in years and were now si)in# each other $. On the "ew occasions when E nice had tal%ed to me a!o t Aally, she had lowered her voice to a de"eated, m m!lin# re#ister, as o$$osed to the hi#h and smir%y one she sed to lay sie#e to her $arents. -hen she tal%ed o" her sister, E nice a$$eared scattered and ns re. Aometimes Aally came across as re!ellio s, sometimes as reli#io s, sometimes as $olitical and involved, sometimes as detached, sometimes as ! ddin# with se= ality, and always as overwei#ht, which was to E nice the dee$est o" shames, the most sel"+evident loss o" "ace ima#ina!le. U$on "irst ins$ection, Aally mi#ht have !een all o" these thin#s &e=ce$t "at* and somethin# else too. The dance o" #lances !etween the sisters@Aallys thr sts and E nices $arries@revealed it all. Ahe was h rt and alone. Ahe was in love with her sister, ! t na!le to !reach the walls that made o" E nice a stern, $retty castle amidst a landsca$e laid to waste. -e sat there silently. The "amily was em!arrassed to say anythin#> witho t alcohol, Koreans can !e a timid $eo$le. I "elt $ro d o" mysel". I had %nown E nice "or a little over a month, and already I was sittin# ne=t to her %in. I was $aci"yin# her as s rely as she had domesticated me. <ow my li"e had chan#ed in s ch a short amo nt o" time4 -ith j st a "ew mornin# %isses on my eyelids, n!idden, welcome %isses, E ny co ld trans"orm me "or the rest o" the day into the o$$osite o" /he%hovs #ly 8a$tev. I wo ld #reet the "ood deliveryman in my !o=er shorts, "or#ettin# my s al timidity at showin# my hairy le#s, revelin# in the idea that on the co ch !ehind me this little #irl was sho$$in#, teenin#, watchin# a hated "ormer classmate o" hers scheme her way into new lines o" credit on ',merican A$ender,( " lly ensconced within her di#ital reality ! t also within the walls o" m! a$artment. I wo ld hand the deliveryman his ten y an+$e##ed with my chest thr st "orward, with a Joshie+#rade smile on my "ace, the smile o" one o" li"es easy cham$ions. I am a man0 and this is m! mone!0 and here is m! future wife0 and this is m! charmed life. The service !e#an. , cellist, two o!oists, several violinists, a $ianist, and a small, adora!le choir, the majority o" them yo n# women dressed in rather "orm+"ittin# #owns, mo nted the sta#e and !e#an to $lay a medley o" son#s that varied !etween the sacred and the !i)arre. -e #ot a 5ahler violin concerto, then the stirrin# Korean $o$ anthem ,l$havilles 'Corever Go n#( s n# !y some e=ha sted+loo%in# teena#ers in !ad hairc ts and ti#ht jeans, which they "ollowed with a $ower+roc% tri! te to E$hesians that le"t the older hal" o" the con#re#ation visi!ly con" sed. -e ended with 'Ao"tly and Tenderly Jes s Is /allin#.( It was this last son# that ro sed all the $arishioners who !e#an to sin# lo dly and with # sto as a %ind o" 1ower1oint $resentation a$$eared on a lar#e screen in !oth Korean and En#lish a#ainst a !ac%dro$ o" orchids "loatin# down streams and a very visi!le co$yri#ht si#n, which seemed to soothe o r law+a!idin# nat res. Everyone san# in t ne, even the older "ol%s mo thin# the En#lish words with more com$etence than my "ather and mother tryin# to wail Ahma Gisroel &8isten U$, Israel* at their syna#o# e. I was ca #ht nawares !y the line '-hy sho ld we tarry when Jes s is $leadin#3 P 1leadin# "or yo and "or me3( The En#lish lan# a#e was dyin# aro nd s, /hristianity was as nsatis"yin# and del sional an idea as it had ever !een, ! t the e""ectiveness o" the sentence@its clever mi= o" %itsch, # ilt, and heart!rea%in# ima#ery, Jes s leading "or the attention and love o" these $ t+ $on ,sian $eo$le@made me sh dder. The aw" l thin#s was: They were !ea ti" l words. Cor the "irst time in my li"e, I "elt sorry "or Jes s. Aorry that the miracles ascri!ed to him hadnt act ally made a di""erence. Aorry that we were all alone in a niverse where even o r "athers wo ld let s #et nailed to a tree i" they were so inclined, or c t o r throats i" so commanded@see nder Isaac, another n"ort nate Jewish shm c%. I t rned to E nice, who was mindin# her conservative shoes, and then to Aally, who was earnestly tryin# to "ollow alon#, her mo th contortin# to the words, starin# at the screen, $on which more $astoral ima#es a$$eared, an ,merican deer lea$in# $ast two ,merican !irches. I co ld "eel nothin# ! t the mo rn" l, ho$e" l wa"t o" so nd emer#in# "rom her mo th. 'O "or the wonder" l li"e <e has $romised P 1romised "or yo and "or me.( Aome o" the older $eo$le had started wee$in#, the %ind o" hemorrha#in#, dee$+seated so nd that can only !rin# relie" to the s ""erer. -ere they cryin# "or themselves, "or their children, "or the " t re3 Or was this cryin# j st a matter o" co rse3 Aoon, to everyones dismay, the choir and the m sicians le"t the sta#e, and 0everend A % ascended the $odi m. <e was a da$$er man with a dece$tively %ind "ace, !road sho lders "illin# o t a dar%+!l e middle+class s it, and an innocent smile de$loyed a"ter a haran# e li%e a reward, li%e a "ather tryin# to recover his childs love a"ter ta%in# away her toy. <e seemed li%e the $er"ect $reacher "or citi)ens o" an insec re, ra$idly develo$in# nation, a nation that Korea had recently !een. 0everend A % and some o" his yo n#er ministers too% t rns yellin# at s in En#lish and Korean. I #lanced at Dr. 1ar%, sittin# m tely, hands "olded over his la$, his dar% #lasses o"" to reveal dee$ creases and a to ch o" s !mer#ed an#er. I wo ldnt !e s r$rised i" he hated the 0everend, or tho #ht himsel" more clever. E nice had told me Dr. 1ar% read the Acri$t re "rom "o r in the mornin# and !oned $ on the Koran and the <indi te=ts as well. , smart man, she had said $ro dly, ! t then the dead smile came on, as i" to say, See how little DsmartB means to me& '-hy are so many em$ty seats3( 0everend A % yelled at s, acc sin#ly, "or we had not done o r jo!, "or we were "ail res in

his eyes and the eyes o" 7od. 'Ao many $eo$le in the streets, ! t so many em$ty seats4 This nation once was dee$ in the 7os$el4 Now where is everyone3( ,t home, cowerin#, I wanted to tell him. 'Do not acce$t yo r tho #hts4( the 0everend sho ted, the co$$er or!s o" his eyes ali#ht with a $ainless "lame. ',cce$t world o" /hrist, not yo r tho #hts4 Go m st throw away o" yo rsel". -hy3 2eca se we are dirty and we are wic%ed4( The a dience sat there@s !d ed, restrained, com$liant. I dont want to !e literal here, ! t these immac lately coi""ed and scr !!ed women in their halo+li%e hairdos and sho lder $ads stic%in# o t li%e e$a lets were the very o$$osite o" dirty. ,nd yet even the antsy children, even the ones who co ldnt s$ea%, reali)ed that they were sinners and this was a cr sade> that they had done somethin# immeas ra!ly wron#, had soiled themselves at an ino$$ort ne moment, wo ld soon "ail their $oor, hardwor%in# $arents in many ways. One little #irl started to cry, a %ind o" hicc $$in#, snot+clo##ed cry that made me want to reach o t and com"ort her. 0everend A % went "or the %ill. Three words "ormed the arrows in his 6 iver: 'heart,( '! rden,( and 'shame.( To wit, '5y heart was very burdensome.( 'I have this %ind o" heart. 7eej sh, hel$ me throw it away4( 'I" yo "ind me in a shame" l $osition(@this m st have !een a direct translation "rom the Korean, the last word $rono nced with di""ic lty as '$oh+jee+sh n(@'"ill my ! rdensome heart with Go r #race4 2eca se only 7eej shs #race will save yo . Only 7eej shs #race will save this "allen co ntry and $rotect "rom ,)i) ,rmy. 2eca se yo are la)y. 2eca se yo do not a$$reciate. 2eca se yo are $ride" l. 2eca se yo are nworthy o" /hrist.( 5y eyes ret rned to the co$yri#ht si#n !elow the screen ima#ery o" ! c%in# deer and "loatin# orchids $on which %ey $hrases "rom 0everend A %s sermon &'T<0O- ,-,G 10IDE,( 'JEAUA 70,/E A,FE GOU,( '2I7 A<,5E(* were s $erim$osed in En#lish and Korean. <ow com"ortin# the co$yri#ht si#n a#ainst the reli#io s "ore#ro nd. <ow ass rin# the idea that we were nominally a nation o" laws. I wondered i" the yo n# $eo$le mannin# the 1ower1oint tr ly !elieved. I have always wished that I co ld !etter nderstand the Korean+/hristian connection. , "riend o" mine "rom the Indian side o" 1ost+< man Aervices, one o" o r !est nanotechnolo#ists and s rvivor o" not one ! t two Korean 2i!le cam$s, once told me, 'Go have to reali)e that, com$ared with the Korean !rand o" /on" cianism, /hristianity is a wal% in the $ar%. /om$ared with what came !e"ore, 1rotestantism is almost a "rea%in# li!eration theolo#y.( I tho #ht o" 7race, whose intelli#ence was n6 estioned, ! t whose $iety tro !led me. 'Its j st a $assin# thin#,( Fishn had told me a!o t his #irl"riends !elie"s. 'Its li%e their way o" assimilatin# into the -est. Its li%e a social cl !. One more #eneration, itll !e over.( I didnt want to thin% o" 7races dee$ly $rivate e=$erience, the heavily hi#hli#hted New Testament she once showed me, the wee%ly tri$s to an E$isco$alian ch rch " ll o" Jamaicans, as j st a "orm o" assimilation, ! t I %new, instinctively, that the child she carried wo ld not worshi$ the 8ord. 'Cor#et all the #ood yo have done4( 0everend A % was sho tin#. 'I" yo $ride the #ood, i" yo dont throw away the #ood, yo will never stand in "ront o" 7od. Do not acce$t the #ood !e"ore 7od. Do not acce$t yo r tho #hts4( I loo%ed at E nice. Ahe was $layin# with the stra$s o" her tan J icy1 ssy $ rse, the $ rse nearly as !i# as the rest o" her, r nnin# the stra$s $ and down her "in#ers, ma%in# !rie" o tlines o" red and white on her chal%y s%in, ntil her mother #ra!!ed her hand and sent a !rie", $ower" l snortin# so nd her way. I wanted to #et $ and address the a dience. 'Go have nothin# to !e ashamed o",( I wo ld say. 'Go are decent $eo$le. Go are tryin#. 8i"e is very di""ic lt. I" there is a ! rden on yo r heart, it will not !e li"ted here. Do not throw away the #ood. Ta%e $ride in the #ood. Go are !etter than this an#ry man. Go are !etter than Jes s /hrist.( ,nd then I wo ld add: '-e Jews, we tho #ht all this st "" $, we invented this 2i# 8ie "rom which all /hristianity, all -estern civili)ation, has s$r n#, !eca se we too were ashamed. Ao m ch shame. The shame o" !ein# over$owered !y stron#er nations. The endless martyrdom. The wailin# at the ancestors #raves. -e co ld have done more "or them4 -e let them down4 The Aecond Tem$le ! rned. Korea ! rned. O r #rand$arents ! rned. Ao m ch shame4 7et $ o"" yo r %nees. Do not throw away yo r heart. Kee$ yo r heart. Go r heart is all that matters. Throw away yo r shame4 Throw away yo r modesty4 Throw away yo r ancestors4 Throw away yo r "athers and the sel"+a$$ointed "athers that claim to !e stewards o" 7od. Throw away yo r shyness and the an#er that lies j st a "ew inches !eneath. Do not !elieve the J deo+/hristian lie4 ,cce$t yo r tho #hts4 ,cce$t yo r desires4 ,cce$t the tr th4 ,nd i" there is more than one tr th, then learn to do the di""ic lt wor%@learn to choose. Go are #ood eno #h, yo are human enough, to choose4( I was so dee$ in my own ra#e, a ra#e that mi#ht have !een !etter s mmed $ with the sim$le $lea 'Dr. 1ar%, $lease do not hit yo r wi"e and da #hters,( that I had not noticed that the worshi$$ers aro nd me had s$r n# to their "eet and were !eltin# o t 'The 0ose o" Aharon.( ,s it t rned o t, this was the last cha$ter o" the Ainners /r sade. 5y #a)e s%irted that o" a "ellow <e!rew itchin# to ma%e his way o t o" there, away "rom the in+laws, and into his honeys arms. Tenderly, an#rily, Jes s was $leadin# "or o r very so ls, ! t we were too tired, too h n#ry, to hear him o t, too h n#ry even to com$lete 0everend A %s 6 ic% sermon 6 i) &'Only "or " n, not #raded4(*, which the yo n# $eo$le in sashes were $assin# down the rows. -e !owed o r way o t o" 5adison A6 are 7arden and adjo rned near!y to a new resta rant on EJth Atreet that s$eciali)ed in nak*i bokum, an octo$ s+tentacle dish in"lamed with $e$$er $aste and chili $owder, amon# many other "orms o" de!ilitatin# heat. '5ay!e too s$icy "or yo 3( E nices mother said, the s al 6 estion as%ed o" the white. 'Ive eaten this many times !e"ore,( I said. 'Its y mmy.( 5rs. 1ar% loo%ed at me with #reat s s$icion. -e were ta%en to an em$ty little room where we were to remove o r shoes and cl ster, cross+le##ed, aro nd a ta!le. I reali)ed, with toilet+ind cin# horror, that one o" my soc%s "eat red a #iant ! lls+eye o" a hole, thro #h which my $ale, mil%y "lesh co ld !e scr tini)ed !y all. I t rned to E nice with a why+didnt+yo +tell+me loo%, ! t she was too scared !y the collision o" her two

worlds to notice my r#ent stare. Ahe threw o"" her $ointy ch rch shoes and made hersel" ncom"orta!le !y the ta!le. The #rown+ $s were cl stered aro nd one side o" the ta!le> E nice and Aally "aced s mee%ly "rom the other. 5rs. 1ar% !e#an to order, ! t her h s!and sto$$ed her, nleashin# a series o" #r nts at a $im$ly yo n# waiter with a slic% $ara!ola o" hair. , !ottle o" so*u, the Korean alcohol, was immediately $resented to E nices "ather. I tried to reach over and $o r it "or him, as the yo n# are s $$osed to serve the old in this c lt re &as i" the old are really any !etter than the rest o" s, not merely closer to e=tinction*, ! t he "orce" lly moved my hand away and did it himsel". <e $ic%ed $ my #lass, $ t it in "ront o" him, and, with a $recise, cali!rated s$ill, to$$ed me o"". Then, with one inde= "in#er, he moved the #lass in my direction. 'Oh, than% yo ,( I said. I waved the !ottle toward E nice and Aally. ',ny!ody want some o" this #ood st ""3( They averted their eyes. Dr. 1ar% swallowed his medicine witho t a word. '-ell, then,( I said. 'Ive #ot to say, havin# E nice as a roommate has !een really #reat this $ast wee%, with all thats !een #oin#@( '<ee+yo n#4( Dr. 1ar% ejac lated at Aally. '<ow are yo r st dies3( Aally !l shed. , c !e o" cool, white radish sli$$ed o t "rom !etween her cho$stic%s. 'I,( she said. 'I@( 'I, I,( Dr. 1ar% mimic%ed. <e t rned to me !rie"ly as i" I were his co+cons$irator. I smiled at him, "indin# it im$ossi!le to i#nore any #est res "rom this man, even i" it meant sidin# with him a#ainst the innocent women at the ta!le. Thats what tyrants can do, I # ess. They ma%e yo covet their attention> they ma%e yo con" se attention "or mercy. ',ll that money "or Elder!ird, "or 2arnard, and "or what3( the doctor said. 'They have nothin# to say. This one $rotests, this one s$ends my money.( <e s$o%e with the hint o" a 2ritish accent, ac6 ired d rin# a residency in 5anchester. The 6 ality o" his s$eech scared me all the more. <e was a $er"ect little man, towerin# a!ove s in his own s$ecial way. ',ct ally,( I said, 'this is not a #ood time "or s$ea%in# and writin#. Go n#er $eo$le e=$ress themselves in di""erent ways.( 'Ges, yes.( 5rs. 1ar% nodded at me, one tiny hand held $ !e"ore her e6 ally min sc le "ace, !l shin# li%e her da #hters, the other hoverin# nervo sly over her rice. 'It is time we live in,( she said. 'These are "inal times.( ,nd then to her da #hters: 'Daddy only want !est. Go listen to him.( I i#nored the scary !i!lical re"erence and contin ed to $raise the woman I loved. 'It may s r$rise yo to %now that E nice is act ally a #reat s$ea%er o" sentences. 0ecently we disc ssed@( Dr. 1ar% !e#an to s$ea% lowly, and in Korean, at Aally and E nice. <e s$o%e "or twenty min tes "rom !ehind his dar% #lasses, sto$$in# only to re"ill his #lass and to %noc% it !ac% within the s$ace o" a second. They sat there and !l shed, loo%in# at each other occasionally, each seein# how the other was ta%in# her $ nishment. No one ate anythin#, e=ce$t "or me. I was h n#ry in a way I had never !een, and "elt mysel" #rowin# "aint, hy$o#lycemic. The waiters came, !earin# immensities o" smo%in#, steamin# c isine. , lar#e $ot o" !a!y octo$ s came my way, hot and sweet, s rro nded !y ddok, a t ! lar rice ca%e that soa%ed $ the s$ices li%e a s$on#e. I "elt an=io s with so m ch s$ice in my mo th, as words contin ed to s$ill o t o" Dr. 1ar%s. I reached "or a $late o" $ic%les and e## c stard to cool me down> the "lavors o" the s6 id, the #reen onions, the chili $e$$ers, the oran#e+strea%ed onions soa%ed in sesame oil ! ilt in intensity. I co ldnt sto$ eatin#. I tried to reach "or the so*u !ottle, ! t Dr. 1ar% swatted away my hand and $o red my drin% himsel", while contin in# to let loose at his tiny da #hters across the wide wooden # l" o" the ta!le. I tho #ht I heard the word hananim, which I %now means '7od( in Korean, and the dee$ly ins ltin# term michi-nne!un, which made E nice e=hale in s ch a sad, h rt, elon#ated, "inal way, it made me wonder i" she wo ld ever !e ca$a!le o" re$lacin# that !reath. 5rs. 1ar%s hand contin ed to hover over her metallic rice !owl, occasionally to chin# its rim. In my e=$erience, it was very n s al "or Koreans to sit !e"ore "ood and not $arta%e. I closed my eyes and let the linin# o" my mo th t rn into $ re heat. I "loated over the ta!le and o t into the dense midtown air. I wished I were stron#er and co ld hel$ E nice, or at least ta%e my $lace in "ront o" her and a!sor! some o" the $ain. I wanted to ! ry my "ace in the warmth o" her hair, the m s% and the oils o" it, !eca se it was home to me. 2eca se I %new she was too small in !ody and s$irit, too worshi$" l o" her "amily and the idea o" her "amily, to acce$t this %ind o" h rt alone. -as this why she had r n o"" to 0ome, learned Italian, "o nd someone $lia!le and %ind, i" n!ea ti" l, to !e her com$anion, tried to !ecome a di""erent $erson3 2 t one can never o tr n the Dr. 1ar%s o" the world. Joshie had as%ed s to %ee$ a diary !eca se the mechanicals o" o r !rains were constantly chan#in# and over time we were trans"ormin# into entirely di""erent $eo$le. 2 t thats what I wanted "or E nice, "or the syna$ses dedicated to res$ondin# to her "ather to wither and !e re!orn, to !e rededicated to someone who loved her nconditionally. Aomethin# was drawin# me !ac%, a !reath o" coolness across my !row. -hen I o$ened my eyes, I saw E nice loo%in# at me, $leadin#ly, shyly, li%e the "irst time I saw her in 0ome, tal%in# to that ridic lo s sc l$tor. <ow I loved her then, and how I loved her now. 0arely co ld a""ection !e !oth so instant and so dee$. -e loc%ed eyes "or a millisecond, ! t it was eno #h time to download a million !its o" sym$athy, "or me to tell her, Soon !ou will be home and in m! arms and the world will reconfigure itself around !ou and there will be enough com assion for !ou to feel scared b! how much I care for !ou. 5eanwhile, Dr. 1ar% was landin# the $lane o" his solilo6 y. The "i#ht was leavin# his !ody. <e s$at a "ew more thin#s, then !ecame 6 iet, so 6 iet that he a$$eared to have de"lated !e"ore my eyes, leavin# !ehind only the dense, $oisoned marrow o" those whose entire lives are red ced to the acts o" h rtin# and !ein# h rt. -ho had done what to him, I wondered, or was it j st the s al ne rotransmitters r n amo%3 Dr. 1ar% inhaled another #lass o" so*u and then leaned into the octo$ s and !e#an to $ sh lar#e amo nts o" it into his mo th. The #irls and 5rs. 1ar% started to eat as well, and within "ive intense moments all the "ood was #one. 'Ao, 8enny,( 5rs. 1ar% said, as i" nothin# had ha$$ened, 'E nice tell me yo have #ood jo! science.( Dr. 1ar% snorted. I wanted to ! ild $ my stat s with the 1ar%s, ! t didnt want to $ sh my $osition at 1ost+< man Aervices too m ch, !eca se I %new that devo t /hristians were not enamored o" the conce$t o" eternal li"e here on earth, which made their celestial dreams $iti" lly invalid. 'I wor% "or a division o" Ataatlin#+-a$ach n#,( I said. 'Go mi#ht have seen some o" o r ! ildin#s #oin# $ in New Gor%. Thats Ataatlin# 1ro$erty. ,nd then theres -a$ach n# /ontin#ency, which is a h #e sec rity "irm. 1ro$erty and sec rity and li"e

e=tension I # ess are the three thin#s that we do. ,ll very im$ortant in a time o" crisis.( I went on in that vein "or a while, care" l to !e non$olitical, hewin# to my $arents Co=8i!erty+1rime conservatism. Aometimes when I s$o%e o" -a$ach n# /ontin#ency, Aally wo ld loo% at me with ill+concealed annoyance, as i" she was not overly enamored o" my em$loyer, ! t even in her dis$leas re she was #race" l and mild, and I wanted to #et rid o" her $arents and tal% directly to her, de!ate her in a ch mmy, cas al way. 'O" co rse,( I was sayin# to her "ather, 'I am not a doctor, a man o" science, in the way that yo are, sir. -hat I try to do is synthesi)e commerce and@( Dr. 1ar% $ointed his inde= "in#er at my "oot, the white "lesh $ee%in# o t "rom within the hole o" my soc% li%e a shame" l !it o" ! rles6 e. 'I see,( he said, 'that yo have either a tiss e or !one #rowth at the !ase o" yo r metatarso$halan#eal joint. 5ay!e the !e#innin# o" a ! nion. Go sho ld ! y di""erent "ootwear, shoes that dont crowd the toes. This is a real $atholo#y that yo sho ld ta%e care o", !eca se over time yo r only o$tion will !e s r#ery.( <e t rned toward E nice, who nodded. 'New shoes,( she said. 'Ta%e care o" each other in di""ic lt time,( 5rs. 1ar% said. '7ood roommates, o%ay3( 'Than% yo ,( I said. I wanted to ret rn to my career, to how I was #oin# to hel$ E nice weather the ncertainty ahead, ! t the screen over the tic%et window had j st dro$$ed sh t. 'Um.( 5rs. 1ar% too% o t an old I$$IrIt and set it on the ta!le !etween a newly arrived dish o" !a!y "erns and one o" salted !ee". '8oo%,( she said to E nice and Aally. 'Fideo o" 5yon#+hee her mother j st sent.( To me she said: '/o sin "rom To$an#a.( ,n ,sian #irl o" no more than three ran toward the camera a#ainst a crowded !ac%#ro nd o" chea$ /ali"ornian townho ses and an a6 amarine $ool. Ahe was wearin# a !athin# s it "estooned with r !!er daisies and wore a $ro"o ndly #en ine smile across her !road "ace. '<i, E nice "mo. <i, Aally "mo,( she sho ted at the screen. 'I miss yo , E nice "mo,( the #irl yelled, showin# s the " ll array o" her n !!y teeth. '8oo%,( 5rs. 1ar% said. 'Ahe has a little !it o" rice on to$ her eye.( There was a #rain o" somethin# a!ove her !row. Everyone la #hed, Dr. 1ar% incl ded, who said a "ew words in Korean, the "irst a$$rovin# words o" the evenin#, the "irst time his jaw had !een nclenched, the war anthem silenced, the "orward !attalion called to !arrac%s. E nice was wi$in# her eyes, and I reali)ed she wasnt la #hin#. Ahe ncrossed her le#s, s$ran# "rom the ta!le in one motion, and ran "rom the room in !are "eet. I started to #et $ to "ollow her, ! t 5rs. 1ar% only said: 'Ahe miss her co sin in /ali"ornia. Dont worry.( 2 t I %new it wasnt j st the c te #irl on the screen that had made E nice cry. It was her "ather la #hin#, !ein# %ind, the "amily momentarily lovin# and intact@a cr el side tri$ into the im$ossi!le, an alternate history. The dinner was over. The waiters were clearin# the ta!le with resi#nation and witho t a word. I %new that, accordin# to tradition, I had to allow Dr. 1ar% to $ay "or the meal, ! t I went into my I$$IrIt and trans"erred him three h ndred y an, the total o" the !ill, o t o" an nnamed acco nt. I did not want his money. Even i" my dreams were reali)ed and I wo ld marry E nice someday, Dr. 1ar% wo ld always remain to me a stran#er. ,"ter thirty+nine years o" !ein# alive, I had "or#iven my own $arents "or not %nowin# how to care "or a child, ! t that was the de$th o" my "or#iveness. I$LL LOVE HIM EVEN MORE FROM THE GLOBALTEENS ACCOUNT OF EUNICE PARK

JULY 1+ EUNI+T,0D 34 /<UN7.-ON.1,0K 5om, yo havent written me !ac% in a while. ,re yo still mad a!o t 8enny3 Ato$ worryin# a!o t the 5ystery, o%ay3 -orry a!o t Aally instead. Go have to watch her wei#ht. Dont let her order '$eejah.( 5a%e only "ood with lots o" ve#eta!les. Im #oin# to ! y her some nice s mmer shoes "rom Cootsie7alore, the %ind she can wear to interviews too. Im too ! sy loo%in# "or 0etail jo!s to ta%e the 8A,T $re$ ri#ht now, ! t de"inately ne=t s mmer. The miscellaneo s char#e on ,llied/FA m st !e this new 'minim m a##re#ate ,10( theyre char#in# these days. It means well have to $ay a little less "or the monthly char#e ! t we have to $ay this new char#e immediately or it #ets tac%ed on to the $rinci$al, which then t rns into a ma=im m a##re#ate, which will $ro!a!ly mean another si= tho sand or more in the ne=t two !illin# cycles. I thin% its time to switch o t o" ,llied-aste anyway and 8andO8a%es is r nnin# some s$ecial $romotional rates this month altho #h yo have to !orrow an e=tra ten tho sand j st to 'switch in.( I # ess we sho ld at least 'do the math( and chec% it o t. EUNI+T,0D 34 70I882IT/<: Dear 1recio s 1ony, <ello o t there in TF land4 Oy. I # ess Ive !een streamin# too many old shows with 8enny. -eird. Ao now my mom is mad at me too. Dinner with la "ami#lia was a disaster, as yo ri#ht" lly $redicted. -hy on earth did 8enny thin% he co ld charm my $arents3 Go %now, he is so CU88 o" himsel" sometimes. <e has this ,merican white # y thin# where li"e is always "air in the end, and nice # ys are res$ected "or !ein# nice, and everythin# is j st <ONKG+dory &#et it3*. <e went on and on a!o t how I can "orm sentences and how I always tal% a!o t ta%in# care o" Aally, and meanwhile my "ather is j st "le=in# his "ist nder the ta!le. 2elieve me, that "le=ed "ist was all Aally and I co ld thin% a!o t while old 8en went on his little dietri!e. I %now his heart is in the ri#ht $lace. Its always in the ri#ht $lace. 2 t a"ter a while, who cares, ri#ht3 <ow can he not nderstand me3 Its li%e he doesnt ta%e time to $ t two and two to#ether. <e $romised he wo ld read less and s$end more time ta%in#

care o" o r a$artment, ! t his head is all ca #ht $ in these te=ts. I loo%ed $ -ar and 1eace and its a!o t this # y 1ierre who "i#hts in Crance, and all this terri!le st "" ha$$ens to him, ! t in the end !eca se o" his charm he #ets to !e with this #irl he really loves, and who really loves him even tho #h she cheated on him. Thats 8ennys view on li"e in a n tshell, that in the end niceness and smartness always win. 2 t the worst was my mother. Ahe j st went OCC on me. 8i%e, yeh, n h moo heh ta. Go co ld do so m ch !etter. <es old, hes nattractive, his s%in loo%s nhealthy, hes #ot !ad "eet, hes not as tall as yo said he was, he ma%es DJ,;;; y an a month. I" yo want to date someone older, theres this #emolo#ist "rom 1alisades who ma%es close to a million a year and daddy says the 1ost < man $lace 8enny wor%s "or is a total scam and is #oin# to "all a$art com$letely. 5om %e$t teenin# me 'Kee$ o$tions o$en, %ee$ o$tions o$en.( I tried not to !e h rt, ! t it was im$ossi!le. Its li%e in the same way 8enny doesnt see me, they dont see <I5. To them hes j st this nattractive, not+rich $erson with a hole in his soc% &I tho #ht I was honestly #oin# to %ill him "or that*. 2 t then we went home and I #ot that s c%y messa#e "rom my mom and then I j st started to "eel li%e I loved 8enny even more. 8i%e the more she detested him, the more I loved him. <e was so tired "rom the dinner and the st $id ch rch service, he j st con%ed o t and "ell aslee$ on the co ch and he even snored li%e he never does. <e had o!vio sly $ t so m ch o" himsel" o t there, my sweet, carin# t na+!rain, he had tried so hard as he does to !e nice to my $arents and to de"end me a#ainst my asswi$e o" a dad, and it had j st ta%en everythin# o t o" him. ,nd I tho #ht, i" someone cant reco#ni)e what a #ood man he is then what #ood are they to me3 I # ess what Im sayin# is Im not as t rned o"" !y 8ennys v lnera!ilities anymore and I have my c h+ra#ee mom to than% "or that e$i$hany. Thats the thin# with 8enny, i" yo s$end time with him yo reali)e hes j st very yamjanae. I thin% thats a very Korean thin#, to !e a!le to sense someone so sweet and #entle and a$$reciate him "or who he is. Aorry to !lah !lah !lah "or so lon#. Thin#s are really $retty #ood overall. -eve !een han#in# o t and tal%in# and doin# lots o" " n st "" to#ether. -e saw some Ima#es in a #allery and had some o%ay ! r#ers at !cr#r in 2 shwic% &why cant they have In+N+ O t here in New Gor%3*. -e had n$rotected se= and he told me he co ld see s havin# a !a!y. I was li%e: -<,T333 2 t it %ind o" made sense. I -,NT to have a !a!y with him, even i" thin#s are really !ad in the world. I thin% Id !e the ha$$iest "airy in the "orest i" we were a real "amily someday. Oh, and then we went to this Ari 8an%an $lace "or dinner and 8acy TwaIt was sittin# ne=t to s. 0emem!er she sed to do all those #a##in# and ass+to+mo th $orns when we were %ids3 Ahe was wearin# a si)e two 1ara%%eet !la)er with $earls and sheer Onions%in jeans which she can totally $ ll o"" even at her a#e. Overall, a very classy, re"ined ass hoo%ah loo%. ,nd her date was this older 7ermanic+loo%in# #entleman, very handsome. A$ea%in# o", Ive !een #oin# to Tom$%ins A6 are with more s $$lies, doin# some odd ends at /8OT<EA -,A<IN7 ,ND A,NIT,TION and j st han#in# o t with David. <es so " nny. <e j st #ra!!ed me at one $oint and threw me over his sho lder and carried me aro nd the whole $ar% so that I co ld wave to everyone. It "elt #ood to have a stron# # y ta%in# char#e o" me, and David is AO stron#, and not j st !eca se he was a soldier in Fene) ela. ,nd he %ee$s his little h t so NE,T &not li%e yo +%now+who, ha ha*, which is somethin# he said he learned in the army. <es #ettin# ready "or when the 7 ard comes to clear them o t, which is ma%in# me nervo s. I" yo have any old I$$IrIti or even la$to$s, $lease send them to me, !eca se these $eo$le are really des$erate. I tried to #et him to j st have some l nch with me, ! t he wont leave the $ar%. <es as dedicated to his $eo$le as my "ather is to his $atients, and I # ess I really admire that. Ive !een loo%in# at his mo th, and theres somethin# charismatic a!o t him havin# lost some teeth. <es a r ##ed man who %nows when to !e $hysical and when to !e smart. ,nyway, I !et i" he had <ealthcare he co ld loo% even more handsome. Aometimes when he tal%s a!o t what its #oin# to !e li%e a"ter the 2i$artisans are overthrown, Im li%e hmm, that doesnt so nd !ad. <es a#ainst the /redit $eo$le, ! t he thin%s 0etail is always #oin# to !e a $art o" o r lives and that 0etail #irls can !e /reative. <is ideas are a little o t there, ! t at least he !elieves in somethin#, ri#ht3 Ai#h. O%ay, 1rincess 1, Im o"" to swi""er the !alcony, which is covered with !ird doo DOPN. This is New Gor% and everyone always shits all over yo . <a ha. JULY 12 70I882IT/< 34 EUNI+T,0D: Im sorry I didnt #et !ac% to yo ri#ht away, 1anda. Aomethin# really 2,D is ha$$enin# here. These 8N-Is ran into my "athers "actory when it was closed and too% it over and they $hased o t the 8,1D last month and the National 7 ard wont do anythin# and now its li%e were #oin# to lose the ! siness or somethin#3 I heard my mother and "ather j st FE02,88IN7 FE0G QUIET8G in their !edroom and I #ot so scared, !eca se I dont %now whats ha$$enin#, and I dont %now what Im s $$osed to do to hel$. Us ally they tell me everythin# ! t the loo% on my "athers "ace was li%e hhhhhhhhhhhh and they were even tal%in# a!o t #oin# !ac% to Korea "or a while. I tried to #o to 1adma and there was a road !loc% on the O;J and they had $eo$le with their hands !ehind their heads, so I j st t rned o"" into a service station and sat there with the motor r nnin# and then I j st started <ITTIN7 ,ND <ITTIN7 ,ND <ITTIN7 the steerin# wheel. -TC33333333333 <ow can they not $rotect o r ! siness3 <ow can they j st let this ,)i)s ,rmy do what it wants3 Its li%e they dont want s to "eel sa"e anymore. I dont thin% yo sho ld han# o t with this David # y, E nice. <e so nds li%e one o" those dic%s whos destroyin# my "amily. ,nd I dont want to !e with 7o$her either !eca se hes not one o" s and he nderstands NOT<IN7 and his $arents have old+school money and its all j st a JOKE to him. I told him a!o t my dads "actory and he was li%e '#ood let the $oor $eo$le ta%e over.( I thin% this is the time "or s to "or#et who we are and to !e a $art o" o r "amilies and everythin# else is j st that weird noise yo hear when $eo$le yo dont %now are ver!allin#. Its tr e, everyone is a #host aro nd me, e=ce$t when Im on the I$$IrIt with yo . This co ntry is so st $id. Only s$oiled white $eo$le co ld let somethin# so #ood #et so !ad. Im sorry yo had a s c%y dinner with yo r $arents and Im #lad yo re lovin# 8enny more than ever, ! t yo sho ld ta%e into consideration what yo r $arents say, !eca se theyve !een aro nd "or so lon#. Im not sayin# dont date 8enny, j st !alance in yo r mind what yo "eel "or him and what yo ll event ally have to do. I love yo , sweet $otato. EUNI+T,0D: <i, Aally. Did yo hear 8N-Is too% over the Kan#s $l n#er ! siness3

A,88GAT,0: No. Thats terri!le. EUNI+T,0D: Thats all yo have to say3 A,88GAT,0: -hat do yo want me to say3 EUNI+T,0D: Do yo want to #et ! r#ers3 Go can have a little red meat i" yo $romise to j st do ve#eta!les and yo# rt "or a wee%. EUNI+T,0D: <ello3 Earth to Aally 1ar%. EUNI+T,0D: Go m st !e ! sy. Go still havent told me what yo thin% o" 8enny. A,88GAT,0: Everyones concerned a!o t yo . EUNI+T,0D: Theyre /ON/E0NED3 Thats really nice. A,88GAT,0: 5ommy and Daddy j st dont want yo to r sh into anythin#. EUNI+T,0D: ,nd yo re their 5edia s$o%eswoman now3 A,88GAT,0: -ere not a $er"ect "amily ! t were still a "amily, ri#ht3 EUNI+T,0D: I dont %now. Go tell me. A,88GAT,0: -e have to #et new car$etin# "or the livin# room and new r nners "or the stairs. Do yo want to come to NJ and hel$ s $ic% it o t3 EUNI+T,0D: /an I !rin# 8enny3 A,88GAT,0: Go can do whatever yo want E nice. EUNI+T,0D: I was %iddin#. A,88GAT,0: Ao yo ll come3 EUNI+T,0D: Ill come. 2 t Im not #oin# to sit ne=t to Dad or say anythin# to him. 8enny ses the word tr c lent. Dads li%e a tr c lent child, its !est to i#nore him. A,88GAT,0: / t him some slac%. <es tryin#. <es not com$letely well inside and that means we have to "or#ive him. EUNI+T,0D: -hatever. A,88GAT,0: Aerio sly. Go will "eel so m ch !etter i" yo "or#ive him, E nice. Then yo can "oc s on whats ha$$enin# on the rest o" the $lanet. 5ay!e yo can hel$ me set $ a "ood distri! tion committee "or the tent cities were doin# with /ol m!ia and NGU. Thin#s are #ettin# really !ad at Tom$%ins A6 are. EUNI+T,0D: <ow do yo %now Im not hel$in# o t already3 A,88GAT,0: < h3 EUNI+T,0D: Nothin#. Ill "or#ive Dad when hes N; years old and Uncle Joon has #am!led all his money away and hes this ravin# homeless man who t rns to me and 8enny "or hel$. Then Ill !e li%e, yo treated me and 5ommy and Aally li%e shit, ! t now heres some money so yo dont starve. A,88GAT,0: Thats so horri!le. I cant !elieve yo wo ld even thin% that. EUNI+T,0D: <ey, Im %iddin#. Aense o" h mor3 EUNI+T,0D: Aally, are yo still there3 I dont %now whats wron# with me today. I really miss 5yon#+hee. 8ast time I was in 8, I tried to !raid her and she was s6 ealin# 'No, E nice emo4( li%e leave me alone, yo re not the !oss o" my hair444 Ahes s ch a c te little oin%er. I !et ne=t time we see her shell !e li%e "o r inches taller. I dont want her to #row $. EUNI+T,0D: Aally3 /ome on4 -as it the thin# I said a!o t dad3 EUNI+T,0D: Cine. 5y 2OGC0IEND is almost home and were #oin# to ma%e a !ran)ino to#ether. EUNI+T,0D: Aally, do yo love me3 A,88GAT,0: -hat3 EUNI+T,0D: Im serio s. Do yo really love me3 I mean li%e a $erson. Not j st an older sister yo re s $$osed to loo% $ to. A,88GAT,0: I dont want to tal% a!o t this. O" co rse I love yo . EUNI+T,0D: 5ay!e I didnt do eno #h. A,88GAT,0: -hat are yo tal%in# a!o t3 -o ld yo $lease j st A<UT U1 ,80E,DG. Im so sic% o" yo . T<E 1,AT, T<E 1,AT, T<E 1,AT444 A,88GAT,0: <ello3 E nice. A,88GAT,0: E nice3 A,88GAT,0: <ello. ANTI,INFLAMMATION FROM THE DIARIES OF LENNY ABRAMOV

JU8G D; Dear Diary, Noah told me theres a day d rin# the s mmer when the s n hits the !road aven es at s ch an an#le that yo e=$erience the sensation o" the whole city !ein# "looded !y a melancholy twentieth+cent ry li#ht, even the most $rosaic, nloved ! ildin#s a$$earin# !ri#ht and n clear at the ed#e o" yo r vision, and that when this ha$$ens yo want to !oth cry "or somethin# lost and r n o t there and

welcome the decline o" the day. <e made it so nd li%e an r!an ra$t re, his a#in# "ace ta%in# on a care" l #low, as i" he was !orrowin# some o" the li#ht o" which he s$o%e. I tho #ht he was emotin# when he said it, ! t his I$$IrIt was at stand!y, he wasnt streamin#: This was real eno #h. -e were sittin# in some cra$$y At. 7eor#e ca"[, oddly moved !y the "act that there were still ca"[s o t in the world, m ch less on Ataten Island. 'Id love to see that,( I said. '-hen does it ha$$en e=actly3( '-e missed it,( Noah said. 'It was late in J ne.( 'Ne=t year then,( I said. ,nd then, li%e a $er"ect 5edia drama 6 een, Noah told me he e=$ected to !e dead !y the ne=t year. Aomethin# a!o t the 0estoration , thority, the 2i$artisans, the $rice o" !io" el, the decline o" the tides@who can %ee$ $ anymore3 That %ind o" r ined the e""ect o" what he was sayin# a!o t the li#ht hittin# the aven es j st so. I wanted to tell him that he didnt have to strain "or me, that I li%ed him e=actly as he was: $er"ectly a!ove avera#e, an#ry ! t decent, j st smart eno #h. I tho #ht o" Aammy the Ele$hant in the 2ron= _oo, his calmly de$ressive co ntenance, the way he a$$roached e=tinction with !oth e6 animity and no!tr sive des$air. 5ay!e this was what Noah was ja!!erin# a!o t when he "ollowed the li#ht across the city. The "adin# li#ht is s, and we are, "or a moment so !rie" it cant even re#ister on o r I$$IrIt screens, !ea ti" l. A$ea%in# o" the li#ht, I had one l mino s moment with E nice this wee%. I ca #ht her loo%in# at my -all o" 2oo%s with some c riosity, s$eci"ically at a washed+o t old cover o" a 5ilan K ndera $a$er!ac%@a !owler hat "loats over a 1ra# e citysca$e@ her inde= "in#ers raised a!ove the !oo% as i" ready to ta$ at the 2UG 5E NO- sym!ol on her I$$IrIt, her other "in#ers massa#in# the !oo%s !ac%, may!e even enjoyin# its thic%ness and n s al wei#ht, its relative 6 iet and mee%ness. -hen she saw me a$$roach she slid the !oo% !ac% on its shel" and retreated to the co ch, smellin# her "in#ers "or !oo% odor, her chee%s in " ll !l sh. 2 t I %new she was c rio s, my rel ctant sentence+mon#er, and I chal%ed $ yet another victory@the second a"ter what I tho #ht was a very s ccess" l dinner with her $arents. 8i"e with E ny has !een o%ay. E=citin#, sometimes $settin#. -e ar# ed daily. Ahe never !ac%ed down. , "i#hter to the very last. This is how a h man !ein# is "or#ed a"ter an nha$$y early li"e. This is the inde$endence o" #rowin# $, o" standin# $ "or yo rsel", even i" a#ainst a $hantom enemy. 5ostly we "o #ht a!o t social commitments. Ahed !e "ine with her Elder!ird "riends who j st moved !ac% to New Gor%. They seem li%e decent #irls, e""ervescent ! t ns re o" themselves, l stin# a"ter !i#+tic%et items and some meas re o" identity, con" sin# one "or the other, ! t !asically in no #reat h rry to #row $. One #irl who act ally ate "ood scored only in the low J;;s on her C c%a!ility, so the other #irls wo ld #ive her ti$s on how to lose wei#ht. Theyd reach over and $inch her all the time, coat her in creams ntil she #lowed sadly on my livin#+room co ch, and wei#h her as i" she were a $ri)ed al!acore han#in# over a To%yo whar". ,nother #irl was #oin# "or that new Na%ed 8i!rarian loo%, very little coverin# her !ody e=ce$t #lasses as thic% as my storm windows, which I tho #ht was " nny !eca se even a "ine instit tion li%e Elder!ird had recently closed its $hysical li!rary, so what the hell was this #irl even re"erencin#3 Then theyd #et trashed on ros[ o t on o r &o r4* !alcony, those c te, !loated, dr n%en "aces o" theirs, as they told these lon#, circ lar stories that were s $$osed to !e " nny ! t instead $roved hi#hly dist r!in#, narratives o" a chea$, e$hemeral world where everyone let everyone down as a matter o" co rse and women sometimes #ot $issed on in "ront o" others. I "elt !oth jealo s o" their yo th and scared "or their " t re. In short, I "elt $aternal and aro sed, which is not a #ood com!ination. I had told E nice, o""handedly and wearin# my c test $laty$ s #rin, that the ne=t two wee%s wo ld $rove ! sy on the social "ront. Joshie had !een !e##in# to meet her and e=$ected s on Aat rday at his ho se. 7race and Fishn were havin# a $arty in Ataten Island on the 5onday a"ter that to o""icially anno nce 7races $re#nancy. 'I %now yo re not, li%e, the !i##est sociali)er,( I said. 2 t she had already t rned away "rom me, the an#ry s$ires o" her sho lder !lades stayin# my com"ortin# hand. 'Go r !oss,( she said, 'wants to meet me3( '<e loves yo n# $eo$le. <es t rnin# into a teena#er himsel".( 'That !itch 7race wants s over3 -hy3 Ao she can la #h at me some more3( ',re yo %iddin#3 7race loves yo 4( '1ro!a!ly wants to !e my !i# sister. No than%s, 8en.( 'Ahe does care a!o t yo , E nice. Ahe wants to "ind yo a jo! in 0etail. Ahe said her 1rinceton roommate mi#ht %now o" an internshi$ at 1adma.( The three times we had !rie"ly, tan#entially, to ched $on the s !ject o" E nice $roc rin# em$loyment and hel$in# o t with the escalatin# air+conditionin# !ill &S:,DE; n$e##ed, j st "or the month o" J ne*, she had mentioned wor%in# in 0etail. ,ll her Elder!ird "riends wanted the same. No !i# s r$rise there. +redit for bo!s0 Retail for girls. 'Go dont nderstand, 8eonard.( The $hrase I hate the most in the world. I do nderstand. Not everythin#, ! t a lot. ,nd what I dont nderstand, I certainly want to learn more a!o t. I" E nice ever as%ed me to I wo ld ta%e an entire wee% o"" "rom wor%, claim some "amily+related emer#ency &which is essentially what this is*, and listen to her tal%. I wo ld $ t a !o= o" tiss es and some calmin# miso !roth !etween s, ta%e o t my I$$IrIt, write it all down, $in$oint the h rt, ma%e reasona!le s ##estions !ased on my own e=$eriences, !ecome com$letely versed in all thin#s 1ar%. 'Im !ro%e,( she said. '-hat3( 'I have nothin# to wear. ,nd my ! tt is "at.( 'Go wei#ht ei#hty+three $o nds. Everyone on 7rand Atreet stares at yo r ass in wonder. Go have three closets worth o" shoes and dresses.( 'Ei#hty+si=. ,nd I have nothin# "or the summer, 8enny. ,re yo even listenin# to me3( -e "o #ht some more. Ahe went to the livin# room and started teenin#, le#s crossed, the dead smile on her "ace, "orce" l si#hs, my entreaties risin# in $itch. Event ally we reached a %ind o" com$romise. -e wo ld #o to the United Nations 0etail /orridor and ! y new clothes "or the !oth o" s. I wo ld contri! te .; $ercent o" the cost o" her o t"its, and she wo ld cover the rest with her $arents /redit. 8i%e I said, a com$romise.

Id never !een to the UN0/. Ive always !een intimidated !y 0etail /orridors, and this one was s $$osed to !e the !i##est yet. -hen I went to the /orridor they carved o t o" Union A6 are two years a#o, everyone loo%ed !etter and way yo n#er than I did. I love #oin# to these little o""!eat !o ti6 es in Ataten Island with 7race, even i" the clientele is older and #rayer, "ol%s who came o" a#e in the #rand 2roo%lyn nei#h!orhoods o" 7reen$oint and 2 shwic%, and who have now !een "orced to retreat to Ataten Island. I started $anic%in# the moment we #ot to the UN: the cr sh o" h manity $o rin# o t o" the seven layers o" nder#ro nd $ar%in#> the "loor sam$les emittin# in"o that "looded my I$$IrIt with im$ lsive data> the De!t 2om!ers sin#lin# me o t "or my im$ressive /redit ran%in#> the #iant ,0, ',merica /ele!rates Its VsicW A$enders( !anners, which now "eat red this #irl E nice act ally %new "rom hi#h school who "ina#led all these /redit lines and mana#ed to ! y si= s$rin# collections and a ho se. The a"ter#low o" the settin# s n r shed thro #h the #lass roo" o" the UN0/, the steel trellises h ndreds o" "eet a!ove s #leamin# li%e the ri!s o" a "earsome animal. I thin% this is where the Aec rity /o ncil sed to meet, altho #h I co ld !e wron#. Aince my sa!!atical in 0ome, it seems that ,merica had learned her lesson on overhead, had sh ttered her traditional malls. These thri"ty 0etail /orridors were s $$osed to mimic North ,"rican !a)aars o" yore, their only $ r$ose a 6 ic% e=chan#e o" #oods and services, min s the $lan#ent cries o" the sellers and the whi""s o" tan#erine sweat. E nice didnt need a ma$. Ahe led and I "ollowed $ast the merchandise crowdin# the endless "loor s$ace in ha$ha)ard "ashion, one store r nnin# into another, rac% a"ter rac% a"ter rac%, each a$$roached, s rveyed, considered, dismissed. <ere were the "amo s ni$$leless Aaaami !ras that E nice had shown me on ,ss8 = ry and the "a!led 1adma corsets that the 1olish $orn star wore on ,ssDoctor. -e sto$$ed to loo% at some conservative J icy1 ssy s mmer coc%tail dresses. 'Im #oin# to need two,( E nice said. 'One "or yo r !osss $arty and one "or that !itch 7race.( '-ith my !oss its not really a $arty,( I said. '-ell drin% two #lasses o" wine and eat some carrots and !l e!erries.( E nice i#nored me and set a!o t her tas%. Ahe did some I$$IrIt wor% to #et a sense o" how thin#s were sellin# aro nd the world. Then she went over to a circle o" !lac%, identical+loo%in# dresses and started clic%in# thro #h them. /lic%, clic%, clic%, each han#er hittin# the $recedin# one, ma%in# the so nd o" an a!ac s. Ahe s$ent less than a " ll second on each dress, ! t each second seemed more meanin#" l than the ho rs she s$ent on ,ss8 = ry viewin# the same merchandise> each was an enco nter with the real. <er "ace was steely, concentrated, the mo th sli#htly o$en. <ere was the an=iety o" choice, the $ain o" livin# witho t history, the $ain o" some hi#her need. I "elt h m!led !y this world, awed !y its reli#iosity, the attem$t to e=tract meanin# "rom an arti"act that contained mostly thread. I" only !ea ty co ld e=$lain the world away. I" only a ni$$leless !ra co ld ma%e it all wor%. 'They either dont have a si)e )ero,( E nice said, $on clic%in# thro #h the last o" the J icy1 ssy s mmer dresses, 'or theres this weird em!roidery on the hem. Theyre tryin# to ma%e themselves more classy than TotalA rrender, which has the slit down the crotch. 8ets #o to Onions%in.( ',rent those the sheer jeans3( I said. I ima#ined E nice with her la!ia and !ehind e=$osed to $assers!y as she crossed an es$ecially ! sy Delancey Atreet, drivers o" cars with Jersey $lates rollin# down their tinted windows in dis!elie". I "elt $rotective o" her minimalist $ac%a#e, ! t there was a "risson o" eroticism as well, not to mention social $ositionin#. Others wo ld see her little landin# stri$ and thin% hi#hly o" me. 'No, jer%+"ace,( E nice said. 'I wo ldnt !e ca #ht dead in those jeans. They ma%e normal dresses too.( 'Oh,( I said. The "antasy came to an end, and I "o nd mysel" oddly ha$$y with the conservative #irl !y my side. -e wended o r way thro #h a hal"+%ilometer o" rac%s and hit $on the Onions%in o tlet. Tr e eno #h, there were several rac%s o" coc%tail dresses, a !it revealin# aro nd the !osom, ! t certainly not see+thro #h. -omen, tired and a##rieved, were $lowin# thro #h the !rands si#nat re trans$arent jeans, han#in# li%e ri#id, em$ty s%ins in the center o" the 0etail s$ace. ,s E nice started clic%in# thro #h the dresses, a 0etail $erson came over to tal% to her. 5y I$$IrIt 6 ic%ly )oomed in $ast the data o t"lows s$illin# o t "rom the c stomers li%e $oll ted s r" "allin# $on once+$ristine shores and "oc sed on 5cKay -atson. Ahe was !ea ti" l, this 0etail #irl. , tall, strai#ht+nec%ed creat re whose eyes, clear and $resent, s$o%e o" native+!orn honesty, as i" to say, @ith a background like mine0 who needs self-invention& I caressed 5cKays data, even as I too% in the Onions%in jeans that cl n# to her sli#ht i" !ottom+heavy !ody@she wore the semi+transl cent %ind that $artly o!sc red her nether re#ions and #ave them an im$ressionistic 6 ality, the %ind yo had to ste$ !ac% to admire. Ahe had #rad ated "rom T "ts with a major in international a""airs and a minor in 0etail science. <er $arents were retired $ro"essors in /harlottesville, Fir#inia, where she #rew $ &!a!y Ima#es o" an o!livio s ! t a""ectionate 5cKay h ##in# a container o" oran#e j ice*. Ahe didnt have a !oy"riend at $resent ! t enjoyed the 'reverse cow#irl( $osition with the last one, an as$irin# yo n# 5ediast d "rom 7reat Nec%. E nice and 5cKay were ver!allin# each other. They were disc ssin# clothes in a way I co ldnt " lly a$$reciate. They were disc ssin# the "iner $oints o" a $artic lar dress not made o" nat ral "i!ers. The waists, stretched, nstretched. /om$osition@N $ercent elastane, D $ercent $olyester, a si)e three, J; $ercent rayon viscose. 'Its not treated with sodi m hydro=ide.( 'I !o #ht the one with the slit to the le"t and it stretched.( '/oat the inside o" the hem with $etrole m jelly.( E nice had $ t one hand on the shiny white arm o" the 0etail #irl, a #est re o" intimacy I had seen only e=tended to one o" her Elder!ird "riends, the $l m$, matronly #irl with the low C c%a!ility ran%in#. I heard some " nny retro e=$ressions li%e 'JK,( which means one is 'j st %iddin#,( and 'on the s6 are,( which means one is not. I heard the "amiliar 'J2C( and 'TI5,TOF4( ! t also 'T104( and '/C74( 'T5A4( &tem$orary motion sic%ness3*, 'KOT4,( and the more niversal '/ te4( This is j st how $eo$le tal%, I tho #ht to mysel". Ceel the wonder o" the moment. Aee the woman that yo love reachin# o t to the world aro nd her. Ahe !o #ht two coc%tail dresses "or J,DO; y an+$e##ed dollars, o" which I covered three tho sand. I co ld "eel my de!t load #roanin# a little, sheddin# a "ew $oints, immortality sli$$in# a "ew notches into the im$ro!a!le, ! t nothin# li%e the DE9,;;;+y an+ $e##ed+dollar $ nch I had recently ta%en in the !alls "rom <oward Ah . '-hy didnt yo as% that #irl i" she co ld #et yo a jo! at Onions%in3( I as%ed E nice when we had wal%ed away "rom the

0etail s$ace. ',re yo %iddin#3( E nice said. 'Do yo %now what %ind o" grades yo have to have to wor% UN0/3 ,nd she had the $er"ect !ody too. , nice ro nd ! tt, ! t a totally !oyish to$. Thats so hot ri#ht now.( I hadnt tho #ht o" it that way. 'Go r #rades or loo%s arent any worse than hers,( I said. ',nyway, at least yo co ld have #otten her Teens address. Ahe seems li%e a #ood "riend to have.( 'Than%s, Dad,( E nice said. 'I mean@( 'O%ay, shhhh B Its yo r t rn to sho$. 2reatha!le "a!rics are #oin# to do wonders "or my kokiri.( -e hit the #lowin#, maho#any+$aneled insin ation that was the J icy1 ssyO5en store. 'Go have a wea% chin,( E nice told me, 'so all these shirts yo wear with the h #e, hi#h collars j st showcase yo r chin and accent ate how wea% it is. -ere #oin# to #et yo some F+nec%s and some solid+colored tees. Atri$ed cotton shirts a !it on the roomy side are #oin# to ma%e yo r "la!!y !reasts less noticea!le, and do yo rsel" a "avor, o%ay3 /ashmere. Go re worth it, 8en.( Ahe made me close my eyes and "eel di""erent "a!rics. Ahe dressed me in nonti#ht J icy1 ssy jeans and st c% a hand down my crotch to ma%e s re my #enitals had room to !reathe. 'Its a!o t com"ort,( she said. 'Its a!o t "eelin# and actin# li%e a thirty+ nine+year+old. -hich is what yo are, last time I chec%ed.( I co ld "eel her "amily inside her@r de, snide, ns $$ortive, yet #ettin# the jo! done, actin# a$$ro$riately, ma%in# s re there was room "or my #enitals, savin# "ace. 2eyond the mo ntains, accordin# to the old Korean $rover! 7race had once told me, were more mo ntains. -ed only j st !e# n. -hen I went into a chan#in# room, one o" the teena#ed sales cler%s said to me, 'Ill tell yo r da #hter yo re in there, sir,( and instead o" ta%in# o""ense at !ein# mista%en "or E nices $res ma!ly ado$tive "ather, I act ally "elt in awe o" my #irl, in awe o" the "act that every day we were to#ether she i#nored the terri!le aesthetic di""erences !etween s. This sho$$in# was not j st "or me or "or her. It was "or s as a co $le. It was "or o r " t re to#ether. I le"t J icy1 ssy with the e6 ivalent o" ten tho sand y ans worth o" #oods. 5y de!t load was !lin%in# "rantically with the words 0E/,8/U8,TION IN 10O70EAA, which scared o"" the swarms o" De!t 2om!ers loo%in# to #ive me more money. -hen I wal%ed !y a /redit 1ole on ODnd Atreet, I re#istered a ran%in# o" 1J1; &down ten $oints*. I may have !een $oorer, ! t yo co ldnt con" se me "or the overa#ed "a =+hi$ster that had entered the UN0/ three ho rs a#o. I was what $assed "or a man now. There was more. I loo%ed healthier. The !reatha!le "i!ers too% a!o t "o r years o"" my !iolo#ical a#e. ,t wor%, Inta%es as%ed i" I was nder#oin# dechroni"ication treatments mysel". I too% a $hysical, and my statistics started "la$$in# on The 2oards, my ,/T< and cortisol levels $l mmetin#, my desi#nation now 'a care"ree and ins$irin# older #ent.( Even <oward Ah came down to my des% and as%ed me to l nch. 2y this $oint, Joshie was sendin# Ah down to -ashin#ton on his $rivate jet every wee%. 0 mor had it Ah was !o nd "or the -hite <o se or even hi#her $ than that. '0 !enstein,( $eo$le hicc $$ed, coverin# their mo ths. -e were ne#otiatin# with the 2i$artisans themselves4 Over what, tho #h, I still co ldnt tell. 2 t I was no lon#er scared o" Ah . ,t o r l nch meetin#, I stared him down as I $layed with the c ""s o" my stri$ed cotton shirt, which indeed #ave cover to my inci$ient man+!reasts. -e sat in a ! sy canteen drin%in# Awiss water we had al%alini)ed o rselves at the ta!le and eatin# a "ew $ellets o" somethin# "ishy. 'Im sorry we #ot o"" on the wron# "oot when yo came !ac% "rom 0ome,( Ah allowed, his " ll+!ore eyes "loatin# thro #h the data "o# o" his I$$IrIt. 'No !i#,( I said. 'Im #oin# to tell yo somethin# "or yo r ears only.( '-hatevs,( I said. 'Fer!al me, "riend.( Ah wi$ed his mo th as i" I had j st s$at in it, ! t then res med his colle#ial air. 'Theres a #ood chance theres #oin# to !e a dist r!ance. , reali#nment. 2i##er than with the last riots. Not s re when. Its what were $ic%in# $ "rom -a$ach n# Intelli#ence. J st $layin# o t some war #ames.( 'Aa"ety "irst,( I said, loo%in# !ored. '-hats #oin# on, Ah +ster3( Ah descended into another I$$IrIt reverie. I did the same, $retendin# it was somethin# serio s and wor%+related, ! t really I was j st 7lo!alTracin# E nices location. Ahe was, as always, at JNJ 7rand Atreet, ,$t. E+.;N, my home, dee$ into her own I$$IrIt, ! t s !conscio sly sat rated !y the $resence o" my !oo%s and mid+twentieth+cent ry+desi#n " rnit re. It $leased me, in a $arochial way, the "act that I co ld always co nt on her !ein# there. 5y little ho sewi"e4 Ahe trac%ed me moment !y moment as well, #ettin# s s$icio s i" I veered o"" co rse "rom the daily set o" my li"e, an im$rom$t meetin# at a !ar with Noah or Fishn or a wal% in the n!loodied $art o" /entral 1ar% with 7race. The "act that she was s s$icio s o" me, the "act that she cared@that $leased me too. '8ets not tal% a!o t what might ha$$en,( Ah said. 'I j st wanted yo to %now that 1ost+< man Aervices val es yo .( <e swallowed too m ch water and co #hed into his hand. <e had had the same ed cational and wor% !ac%#ro nd as I had, ! t I noticed the call sed ti$s o" his "in#ers, as i" he vol nteered at a %nittin# "actory d rin# the wee%ends. ',nd we want yo to !e sa"e.( 'Im to ched,( I said, and I meant it. , hi#h+school memory res r"aced, the day I "o nd o t that a wis$y "reshman #irl whom I "ancied, com$lete with an attractive lim$ and a $enchant "or $oetry, li%ed me as well. <oward nodded. '-eve $dated yo r I$$IrIt. I" yo see any National 7 ard troo$s, $oint yo r I$$IrIt at them. I" yo see a red dot, that means theyre -a$ach n# /ontin#ency $ersonnel. Go %now(@he tried to smile@'the #ood # ys.( 'I dont #et it,( I said. '-hat ha$$ened to the real National 7 ard3( 2 t Ah never answered me. 'That #irl yo have on yo r I$$IrIt,( he said, $ointin# to an Ima#e o" E nice I had "loatin# all over my screen. 'E nice 1ar%. 5y #".( 'Joshie says to ma%e s re yo re with her in any emer#ency.( 'D h,( I said. 2 t it was nice that Joshie remem!ered I was in love.

Ah $ic%ed $ his #lass o" al%alini)ed water and made a jo%ey toast with it. Then he leaned !ac% and dran% it down in s ch "orce" l # l$s that o r veined mar!le ta!le shoo%, and the ! siness $eo$le who shared the $remises loo%ed at this small !rown almond o" a man in their midst and tried to snic%er at his dis$lay o" stren#th. 2 t they too were a"raid o" him. ,"ter my Ah l nch, I wal%ed "rom the Esse= Atreet C sto$ to my "ar+"l n# riverside co+o$ with a renewed sense o" #rande r. Aince E nice had $ic%ed o t my new d ds, I had started o!sessively C,/in# every #irl in si#ht: $retty, avera#e, thin, s%eletal, white, !rown, !lac%. It m st have !een my con"idence, !eca se my 1E0AON,8ITG was hittin# the N;;s and my 5,8E <OTNEAA s%irted into the .;;s@so that, in an enclosed s$ace li%e the 51O ! s, with its small herd o" trendoids #ra)in# amidst the dyin# old $eo$le, I co ld sometimes emer#e in the middle ran#e o" attractiveness, say the "i"th+c test man o t o" nine or ten. I wo ld li%e to descri!e this tterly new "eelin# to yo , diary, ! t I "ear it will come o t in $ rely evan#elical terms. It "elt li%e !ein# !orn a#ain. It "elt li%e E nice had res rrected me on a !ed o" cotton and wool. 2 t #ettin# E nice to meet Joshie was not easy. On the ni#ht !e"ore we were to #o over to his $lace, she co ldnt slee$. 'I dont %now, 8en,( she whis$ered. 'I dont %now, I dont %now, I dont %now.( Ahe was wearin# a lon# satin twentieth+cent ry slee$in# #own, a #i"t "rom her mother that le"t everythin# to the ima#ination, instead o" her s al TotalA rrenders. 'I "eel li%e yo re ma%in# me do this,( she said. 'I "eel li%e Im !ein# $ shed.( 'I "eel li%e thin#s are movin# too "ast.( '5ay!e I sho ld move !ac% to Cort 8ee.( '5ay!e yo need to !e with a real ad lt.( '-e !oth %new I was #oin# to h rt yo .( I #ently $awed her !ac% in the dar%. I did my $atented cornered+rat+ta$$in#+his+"oot+in+distress noise a#ainst the mattress and made an am!i# o s animal so nd. 'Ato$ that,( she said. 'The )oo is closed.( I whis$ered what was re6 ired o" me. Fario s $o$+$sych #ems. Enco ra#ements. I ass med the de!t and the !lame. It wasnt her "a lt. 5ay!e it was my "a lt. 5ay!e I was j st an e=tension o" her "ather. The ni#ht was dedicated to her si#hs and my whis$ers. -e "inally "ell aslee$ j st as the s n rose over the Fladec% ho sin# $rojects, an e=ha sted ,merican "la# sla$$in# itsel" in the s mmer wind. -e awo%e at J $.m., havin# nearly missed the car Joshie had sent to hel$ s ascend to the U$$er -est Aide. -e dressed in silence, and when I tried to ta%e her hand in the s$ar%lin# new <y ndai Town /ar, $ossi!ly on its maiden voya#e, she "linched and loo%ed away. 'Go loo% !ea ti" l,( I said. 'That dress.( Ahe said nothin#. '1lease,( I said. 'Its im$ortant "or Joshie to meet yo . Its im$ortant "or me. J st !e yo rsel".( '-hats that3 D m!. 2orin#.( -e c t thro #h /entral 1ar%. ,rmed cho$$ers were ma%in# their wee%end ro nds a!ove s, ! t the tra""ic !elow was li#ht and easy, the h mid !ree)e roc%in# the to$s o" the immortal trees. I tho #ht o" how we had %issed in the Ahee$ 5eadow on the day she moved in with me, how I had held her tiny $erson to me "or a h ndred slow !eats, and how, "or that entire time, I had tho #ht death !eside the $oint. Joshies ! ildin# was on a street !etween ,msterdam and /ol m! s@a twelve+story U$$er -est Aide co+o$, nremar%a!le save "or the two National 7 ardsmen who stood on either side o" the entrance, sh ntin# $assers!y o"" the sidewal% with their ri"les. ,n ,0, si#n at the mo th o" the street r#ed s to deny its e=istence and im$ly consent. Joshie had told me these men were %ee$in# ta!s on him, ! t even I nderstood they served as $rotection. , red dot a$$eared on my I$$IrIt, alon# with the words '-a$ach n# /ontin#ency.( The #ood # ys. The tiny lo!!y was "illed !y an a""a!ly heavy Dominican man in a "aded #ray ni"orm and the di""ic lt !reath comin# o t o" him. '<ello, 5r. 8enny,( he said to me. I sed to see him all the time when Joshie and I were more re# lar "riends, when o r wor% was not yet all+cons min# and we wo ld thin% nothin# o" sharin# a !a#el in the $ar% or catchin# some e=ha stin# Iranian "lic% at 8incoln /enter. 'This is where the Jewish intelli#entsia sed to live, a lon#, lon# time a#o,( I told E nice in the elevator. 'I thin% thats why Joshie li%es it here. Its a %ind o" nostal#ia tri$.( '-ho were they3( she said. '-hat3( 'Jewish intelli#entsia.( 'Oh, j st Jews who tho #ht a lot a!o t the world and then wrote !oo%s a!o t it. 8ionel Trillin# and those # ys.( 'They started yo r !osss immortality ! siness3( E nice as%ed. I co ld have almost %issed her cold, ro #ed li$s. 'In a sense,( I said. 'They came "rom $oor, hardy "amilies and they were realistic a!o t dyin#.( 'Aee, this is why I didnt want to come,( E nice said. '2eca se I dont %now any o" this st "".( The old+"ashioned elevator doors o$ened sym$honically. 2y Joshies door, a m sc lar yo n# man in T+shirt and jeans was dra##in# o t a heavy #ar!a#e !a# with his !ac% to me, the d ll interior li#ht o" the U$$er -est Aide #listenin# o"" his shaved head. , co sin, i" I remem!ered correctly. Jerry or 8arry "rom New Jersey. I st c% o t my hand as he !e#an to t rn aro nd. '8enny ,!ramov,( I said. 'I thin% we met at yo r dads /han %ah $arty in 5amaronec%.( '0hes s 5on%ey3( the man said. The "amiliar !lac% $elt o" his m stache twitched in #reetin#. This was no co sin "rom 5atawan. I was loo%in# at dechroni"ication in action. I was loo%in# at Joshie 7oldmann himsel", his !ody reverse+en#ineered into a thic% yo n# mass o" tendons and "orward motion. 'Jes s /hrist,( I said. 'Aomeones !een hittin# the Indians. No wonder I havent seen yo at the o""ice all wee%.(

2 t the rej venated Joshie was no lon#er noticin# me. <e was !reathin# !oth heavily and evenly. <is mo th o$ened slowly. '<i+ya,( the mo th said. '<i,( E nice said. '8enny,( she started to say. '8enny,( Joshie echoed, a!sently. 'Aorry. Im@( 'E nice.( 'Joshie. /ome in. 1lease.( <e e=amined her as she $assed thro #h the door, $reyed on the li#htly tanned sho lders !eneath the !lac% coc%tail+dress stra$s, then loo%ed at me with n m! nderstandin#. Go th. , seemin#ly ntrammeled "low o" ener#y. 2ea ty witho t nanotechnolo#y. I" only he %new how nha$$y she was. -e $assed into the livin# room, which I %new to !e as h m!le as the rest o" the a$artment. ,rt Deco co ches in !l e velvet. 1osters "rom his yo th@science+"iction "ilms with !i#+haired women and dee$+jawed men@"ramed conservatively in oa%, as i" to say they had withstood the test o" time and emer#ed, i" not master$ieces, then at least $otent arti"acts. The names alone. So!lent =reen; 1ogans Run. <ere were Joshies !e#innin#s. , dysto$ian $$er+class childhood in several elite ,merican s ! r!s. Total immersion in Isaac Asimovs Science %iction 'aga6ine. The twelve+year+olds "irst co#nition o" mortality, "or the tr e s !ject o" science "iction is death, not li"e. It will all end. The totality o" it. The sel"+love. Not wantin# to die. -antin# to live, ! t not s re why. 8oo%in# $ at the ni#httime s%y, at the !lac% eternity o" o ter s$ace, ama)ed. <atin# the $arents. -antin# their love. ,lready an an=io s sense o" time $assin#, the sta##ered !athroom howls o" #rie" "or a deceased 1omeranian, yo n# Joshies stalwart and only !est "riend, "elled !y do##ie cancer on a /hevy /hase lawn. E nice stood there, in the middle o" the livin# room, !l shin# intensely, the !lood comin# in waves. I did somethin# I hadnt 6 ite e=$ected o" mysel". I !reached decor m, came over and %issed her on the ear. Cor some reason I wanted Joshie to nderstand j st how m ch I loved her and how that love was not j st $redicated on her yo th, $ro!a!ly the only thin# he a$$reciated a!o t her. The two $eo$le who "ormed my niverse loo%ed away "rom me, em!arrassed. 'Im so #lad,( Joshie m ttered. 'Im so #lad to "inally meet yo . Jee). 8enny tal%s so m ch a!o t yo .( '8enny j st tal%s a lot,( E nice s ccess" lly jo%ed. I $ t my hand aro nd her sho lders and "elt her !reathe. Joshie strai#htened $ and I co ld see the m scle tone, the dee$+ veined reality o" what he was !ecomin#, the little machines ! rrowin# inside him, clearin# $ what had #one wron#, rewirin#, rededicatin#, resettin# the odometer on every cell, ma%in# him shine with a childs $recocio s #low. ,mon# the three o" s in the room, I was the one who was $roactively dyin#. 'O%ay, lets #et some o" that y mmy #ood wine,( Joshie said. <e la #hed with ncharacteristic "a%eness, then ran o"" into the well+stoc%ed #alley %itchen. 'Ive never seen him li%e this,( I said to E nice. '<e reminds me o" yo ,( E nice said. ', !i# nerd.( I smiled at that, $leased that she co ld conceive o" o r commonalities. The idea occ rred to me that we co ld "orm a "amily, altho #h I was ns re o" what role I wo ld $lay. E nice $ic%ed a "ew hairs "rom my "ace, her "ace warm with attention, then #lossed my li$s with cha$. Ahe $ lled down on my short+sleeved shirt so that it ali#ned !etter with my li#ht cashmere F+nec% sweater. '7o li%e this with yo r arms,( she said, sha%in# her own. 'Now $ ll on the sleeves.( Joshie ret rned to hand E nice a #lass o" wine> I #ot a m #s worth o" $ r$le aroma. '<o$e yo dont mind the m #, 8enny,( he said. '5y cleanin# woman #ot sto$$ed at the ,0, chec%$oint on the -2.( 'The what3( I said. '-illiams! r# 2rid#e,( E nice clari"ied. 2oth she and Joshie rolled their eyes and la #hed at my slow ways with a!!reviations. 'Go have s ch a $retty a$artment,( E nice said. 'Those $osters m st !e worth a !illion. Everythin#s so old.( 'Incl din# the owner,( Joshie said. 'No,( E nice said. 'Go loo% #reat.( 'Go loo% #reat too.( I $ lled on the sleeves o" my shirt an e=tra time. '8et me show yo aro nd,( Joshie said. 'Two+min te ho se to rs my s$ecialty.( -e went into his cl ttered 'creative st dy.( I noticed E nice had "inished most o" her 1inot and was already im$rovisin# a way to remove the $ r$le "rom her li$s with her "in#er and a transl cent #reen jelly she s6 ee)ed o t o" a t !e. 'These are stills "rom my one+man show,( Joshie said, as he $ointed o t a "ramed Ima#e o" himsel" dressed in $rison stri$es with a #iant st ""ed al!atross han#in# "rom his nec%. Atandin# !e"ore me, he loo%ed thirty years yo n#er today than in the Ima#e, which was at least ten years old. <e had lost "orty years. , hal"+li"e #one. 'The $lay was called Sins of the 'other,( I said hel$" lly. 'Fery " nny and very dee$.( '-as it on 2roadway3( E nice as%ed. Joshie la #hed. 'Geah, ri#ht,( he said. 'Didnt ma%e it $ast this s c%y s $$er cl ! in the Filla#e. 2 t I didnt #ive a damn a!o t s ccess. /reative thin%in#, wor%in# with yo r mind, thats my n m!er+one $rescri$tion "or lon#evity. I" yo sto$ thin%in#, i" yo sto$ wonderin#, yo die. That sim$le.( <e loo%ed down at his "eet, $erha$s reali)in# he so nded more li%e a salesman than a leader. E nice made him nervo s, I co ld tell. -e had no shorta#e o" attractive women at 1ost+< man Aervices, ! t their sel"+ ass redness made them !leed into one $ersonality. ,nyway, Joshie had always said that he had no time "or romance ntil immortality was 'a done deal.( 'Did yo draw this yo rsel"3( E nice as%ed, $ointin# to a watercolor o" an old, na%ed woman shattered into three !y an nnamed "orce, her em$ty !reasts "lyin# in all directions, a dar% $ !ic mo nd holdin# the thirds to#ether. 'Fery !ea ti" l,( I said. 'Fery E#on Achiele.( 'This ones called S linter +ell,( Joshie said. 'I did a!o t twenty variations o" it, and they all loo% e=actly the same.( 'Ahe %ind o" resem!les yo ,( E nice said. 'I li%e the shadin# aro nd her eyes.(

'Ges, well B( Joshie said, and made a shy croa%in# so nd. I always "elt em!arrassed when loo%in# at Joshies $aintin#s o" his mother, as i" I had wal%ed into a !athroom and ca #ht my own mother li"tin# her tired hind6 arters o"" the toilet seat. 'Go $aint yo rsel"3( E nice co #hed. The 7reat Discom"ort Amile came on, the shame !rin#in# her "rec%les into stron# relie". 'I too% a class,( she !arely !reathed o t. ',t Elder!ird. , drawin# class. It was nothin#. I s c%ed.( 'I didnt %now that,( I said. 'That yo too% a drawin# class.( 'Thats !eca se yo never listen to me, jer%+"ace,( she whis$ered. 'Id love to see somethin# yo ve drawn,( Joshie said. 'I miss $aintin#. It really calmed me down. 5ay!e we can #et to#ether one day and $ractice a little.( 'Or yo co ld ta%e some classes at 1arsons,( I s ##ested to E nice. The idea o" the two o" them@alive and deathless@ creatin# somethin# to#ether, an Ima#e, a 'wor% o" art,( as they sed to say, made me "eel sorry "or mysel". I" only I had had a $roclivity to draw or $aint. -hy did I have to s ""er that ancient Jewish a""liction "or words3 '5ay!e we can both ta%e some classes at 1arsons,( Joshie said to E nice. 'Go %now, to#ether.( '2 t who has the time3( I vent red. -e ret rned to the livin# room, with Joshie and E nice landin# on one co)y, c rvaceo s so"a, while I h nched over an o$$osin# leather ottoman. '/heers,( Joshie said, clin%in# his m # with E nices lon#+stemmed #lass. They smiled at each other, and then E nice t rned to me. I had to a!andon the ottoman and wal% over to them to com$lete the rit al. Then I had to sit !ac% down a#ain. ,lone. '/heers,( I said, nearly demolishin# Joshies m #. 'To the $eo$le I love the most.( 'To !ein# "resh and yo n#,( Joshie said. They started tal%in#. Joshie as%ed her a!o t her li"e, and she re$lied in her s al inconse6 ential manner@'Geah,( 'I # ess so,( 'Aort o",( '5ay!e,( 'I tried,( 'Im not #ood,( 'I s c%.( 2 t she was $leased to !e en#a#ed, as attentive as I had ever seen her, one o$en $alm ! ""erin# a cl m$ o" hair s$illin# down her sho lder. Ahe didnt %now how to cond ct a conversation with a man $ro$erly, witho t an#er or "lirtation, ! t she was tryin#, "ilterin#, #ivin# away as little as $ossi!le, ! t wantin# to $lease. Ahe wo ld loo% at me worriedly, her eyes crin%lin# with the $ain o" havin# to thin% and res$ond, ! t the worry receded as Joshie %e$t $o rin# wine@we were all a!ove the two+#lasses+o"+resveratrol ma=im m@and "ed her a $late o" !l e!erries and carrots. <e vol nteered to !oil some $ot in a %ettle o" #reen tea, somethin# I hadnt seen him do in years, ! t E nice $olitely told him that she didnt smo%e marij ana, that, $erversely eno #h, it made her sad. 'I wo ldnt mind some,( I said, ! t the o""er had clearly "loated o"" the ta!le. '-hy do yo call 8enny M0hes s 5on%ey3( E nice as%ed. '<e loo%s li%e one,( Joshie said. E nice #ave her I$$IrIt a s$in, and when the animal in 6 estion a$$eared, she act ally threw her head !ac% and la #hed the way I had only seen her la #h with her !est Elder!ird "riends, with honesty as well as mirth. 'Totally,( she said. 'Those lon# arms and that, li%e, ! nched+ $ middle. Its so hard to sho$ "or him. I always have to teach him how to B( Ahe co ldnt descri!e it, ! t made some stretchin# motions with her arms. 'Dress,( I concl ded "or her. '<es a 6 ic% learner,( Joshie said, loo%in# at her, one arm reachin# a!sently "or a second !ottle o" wine sittin# o!ediently !y his le#s. I $resented my m # "or a re"ill. -e contin ed to drin% heavily. I $ shed mysel" down into the moist leather ottoman, marvelin# at how little Joshie cared a!o t his s rro ndin#s. <e hadnt !o #ht a new $iece o" " rnit re in the years Id %nown him. ,ll those years, alone, no children, no ,merican overa! ndance, devotin# himsel" to only one idea, the $ersoni"ication o" which sat hal" a "oot away "rom him, one le# t c%ed nder her, a si#n that her distress was a!atin#. One thin# Joshie co ld always comm nicate was the "act that he wasnt #oin# to h rt yo . Even when he did. They were tal%in# yo th" lly: ,ssDoctor, #irl+threshin#, 1h on# '<eidi( <o, the new Fietnamese $orn star. They sed words li%e 'ass hoo%ah( and teena#ed a!!reviations li%e T7F and I/E that !ro #ht to mind hi#h+s$eed E ro$ean trains. The wrin%le+"ree, wine+!l shin# Joshie, his !ody r n thro #h with new m scles and o!edient nerve endin#s, leaned "orward li%e a missile in mid+arc, his mind li%ely "loodin# with yo th" l instincts, the need to connect at any cost. I wondered, heretically, i" he wo ld ever miss !ein# older, i" his !ody wo ld ever lon# "or a history. 'I really want to draw, ! t Im no #ood,( E nice was sayin#. 'I !et yo re #ood,( Joshie said. 'Go have s ch a sense o"@style. ,nd economy. I #et that j st !y loo%in# at yo 4( 'This one teacher in colle#e said I was #ood, ! t she was j st this dy%e.( 'O5C7, why dont yo doodle somethin# ri#ht now3( 'No "rea%in# way.( 'Totally. Do it. Ill #et some $a$er.( <e $ m$ed his "ists into the so"a, $ro$elled himsel" into the air, and was r nnin# "or his st dy. '-ait,( E nice sho ted a"ter him. '<oly cra$.( Ahe t rned to me. 'Im too scared to draw, 8en.( 2 t she was smilin#. They were $layin#. -e were dr n%. Ahe ran a"ter Joshie, and I heard a shar$ yo th" l yell@I co ld !arely tell which o" them was res$onsi!le. I went over to the a!andoned so"a and sat in Joshies s$ace, savorin# the warmth my master had le"t !ehind. It was #ettin# dar%. O t the window I traced water towers and the nadorned !ac%s o" once+tall ! ildin#s leadin# $ to the #lass+and+cement scrim o" develo$ment that lined !oth !an%s o" the < dson 0iver, li%e two sets o" dirty mirrors. 5y I$$IrIt $atiently $rovided in"ormation on vario s real+estate val ations and com$ared them with <A2/+8ondons and Ahan#hais. I $ressed the wine !ottle to my li$s and let the resveratrol "lood my system, ho$in#, $rayin# "or a "ew more years added to the co ntdown cloc% o" my li"e. Joshie came !ac% into the livin# room. 'Ahe wo ldnt let me watch,( he said.

'Ahes act ally drawin#3( I said. '2y hand3 Not on an I$$IrIt3( '<ells yeah, home+slice4 Dont yo %now yo r own #"3( 'Ahes so modest aro nd me,( I said. 'CGI, no one really says Mhome+slice anymore, 7ri))ly.( Joshie shr ##ed. 'Go th is yo th,( he said. 'Tal% yo n#, live yo n#. <ow are yo r $< levels anyway3( Ahe came o t, !l shin# ! t ha$$y, cl tchin# a s%etch$ad to her chest. 'I cant,( she said. 'Its st $id. Im #oin# to tear it $4( -e raised the a$$ro$riate $rotests, o tdoin# each other with o r th nderin# !aritones, Joshie ra$$in# his m # on the co""ee ta!le li%e some coarse "raternity !rother. Ahyly, ! t with a hint o" "lirtation $ro!a!ly !orrowed "rom an old television series a!o t women in 5anhattan, E nice 1ar% handed Joshie her s%etch$ad. Ahe had drawn a mon%ey. , rhes s mon%ey, i" I wasnt mista%en. , ! l!o s #ray+haired chest, lon# heart+sha$ed ears, $er"ectly dar% little $aws holdin# on ten o sly to a tree !ranch, a whirl o" #ray hair on to$, !elow an e=$ression o" $lay" l intelli#ence and contentment. '<ow metic lo s,( I said. '<ow detailed. 8oo% at those leaves. Go re wonder" l, E nice. Im so im$ressed.( 'Ahes #ot yo down, 8en,( Joshie said. '5e3( I loo%ed at the mon%eys "ace once more. The red, crac%ed li$s and ram$ant st !!le. The overstated nose, shiny at the ti$ and !rid#e, the early wrin%les dashin# $ to the na%ed tem$les> the ! shy eye!rows that co ld co nt as se$arate or#anisms. I" yo loo%ed at it "rom a di""erent an#le, i" yo moved the s%etch$ad into hal"+shadow, the contentment I had $revio sly discerned on the mon%eys sli#htly "at "ace co ld $ass "or want. It was a $ict re o" me. ,s a rhes s mon%ey. In love. '-ow,( Joshie said. 'That is so 5edia.( E nice said it was aw" l, that twelve+year+olds co ld do a !etter jo!, ! t I co ld tell she wasnt entirely convinced. -e each h ##ed him "arewell. <e %issed her chee%s "or a while, then sla$$ed me 6 ic%ly on the sho lders. <e o""ered s a di#esti" and some U$state+so rced straw!erries "or the road. <e o""ered to #o down in the elevator with s and deal with the armed men o tside. <e stood in the doorway, cl tchin# on to the door$ost, watchin# the last o" s. D rin# that "inal moment, the moment o" lettin# #o, I saw his "ace in $ro"ile, and noticed the con"l ence o" $ r$led veins that made him loo% momentarily old a#ain, that $rod ced a "ri#htenin# X+ray o" what ! r!led $ !eneath that handsome new s%in tiss e and #leamin# yo n# eyes. That st $id male sho lder+sla$ wasnt eno #h. I wanted to reach o t and com"ort him. I" Joshie somehow "ailed at his li"es wor%, which o" s wo ld !e more heart!ro%en, the "ather or the son3 'Aee, that wasnt so !ad,( I said in the Town /ar as E nice $ t her sweet, alcohol+ree%in# head on my sho lder. '-e had " n, ri#ht3 <es a nice man.( I heard her !reathin# tem$erately a#ainst my nec%. 'I love yo , 8enny,( she said. 'I love yo so m ch. I wish I co ld descri!e it !etter. 2 t I love yo with all Ive #ot. 8ets #et married.( -e %issed each other on the li$s, mo th, and ears as we $assed thro #h seven ,0, chec%$oints and the len#th o" the CD0 Drive. , military helico$ter seemed to "ollow s home, its sin#le yellow !eam stro%in# the whiteca$s o" the East 0iver. -e tal%ed a!o t #oin# to /ity <all. , civil ceremony. 5ay!e ne=t wee%. -hy not ma%e it o""icial3 -hy ever !e a$art3 'Go re the one I want, kokiri,( she said. 'Go re the only one.( OLD MAN SPUNKERS FROM THE GLOBALTEENS ACCOUNT OF EUNICE PARK

JULY 2+ 7O8D5,NN+CO0EFE0: <i, E nice. Its Joshie 7oldmann. -hasss $3 EUNI+T,0D: Joshie3 7O8D5,NN+CO0EFE0: Go %now, 8ennys !oss. EUNI+T,0D: Oh. <i, 5r. 7oldmann. <owd yo #et my in"o3 7O8D5,NN+CO0EFE0: J st teened aro nd "or it. ,nd whats with the 5r. 7oldmann3 Thats my dads name. /all me Joshie. Or 7ri))ly 2ear. Thats what 8enny calls me. EUNI+T,0D: <a ha. 7O8D5,NN+CO0EFE0: Ao Im writin# to remind yo o" o r little date. EUNI+T,0D: -e had a date3 7O8D5,NN+CO0EFE0: -e were #oin# to ta%e an art class to#ether. D h4 EUNI+T,0D: -e were3 Im sorry. Ive !een so ! sy this wee%. I sho ld !e a$$lyin# "or 0etail jo!s and st "". 7O8D5,NN+CO0EFE0: , lot o" o r clients are in 0etail. -hat %ind o" jo! are yo loo%in# "or3 The # y "rom ,ss somethin# j st came in. Thats con"idential, act ally. EUNI+T,0D: Oh, I co ldnt im$ose. 7O8D5,NN+CO0EFE0: Ato$4 -hos im$osin#3 <a4 Im s re we can hoo% yo $ with some mad+ass jo!. EUNI+T,0D: O%ay. Than% yo . 7O8D5,NN+CO0EFE0: Ao I #ot s into a s mmer drawin# class at 1arsons+Ewha. EUNI+T,0D: Thats very nice o" yo , ! t the s mmer sessions already started. 7O8D5,NN+CO0EFE0: Theyre ma%in# an e=ce$tion. Its j st the two o" s. ,ltho #h may!e yo sho ldnt tell that to 8enny. <a ha.

EUNI+T,0D: Than% yo so m ch ! t I really cant a""ord it. 7O8D5,NN+CO0EFE0: -TC3 I #ot it covered. EUNI+T,0D: Thats very %ind o" yo , 5r. 7oldman. 2 t I thin% I need to concentrate on #ettin# a jo! this wee%. 7O8D5,NN+CO0EFE0: -hat did yo call me3 EUNI+T,0D: Aorry4444 I meant Joshie. 7O8D5,NN+CO0EFE0: D h4 ,nyway, that rhes s mon%ey $aintin# was so #ood I dont want yo r talent to #o to waste, E nice. Go re s $er+#i"ted. This may so nd weird, ! t yo %ind o" remind me o" me when I was yo n#er. E=ce$t yo re sweeter. I was a very an#ry yo n# man ntil I reali)ed I didnt have to die. Aome o" s are so s$ecial, E nice, we dont have to s cc m! to the Callacy o" 5erely E=istin#. 5ay!e yo re s$ecial too, h h3 ,nyway, I can hel$ yo #et a jo!, so yo dont have to worry a!o t that $art. ,nd Ill ta%e a class with yo . Itll !e so #reat4444 Go can ma%e more animal drawin#s o" 8enny and then #ive them to him "or his !irthday in the "all. EUNI+T,0D: Ive !een wonderin# what to #et him act ally. 7O8D5,NN+CO0EFE0: 1oi"ect4 OK, #otta jet, ! t #et !ac% to me soon a!o t the classes. Theyre "lyin# in some teacher "rom 1aris j st "or s. EUNI+T,0D 34 70I882IT/<: Dear 1recio s 1ony, <O8G CU/KIN7 A<IT444 O%ay, yo ve #ot to hel$ me, ji))+mon%ey. O%ay, are yo sittin# down3 Ao we #o over to 8ennys !osss $lace and its this li%e adora!le old+school a$artment, li%e somethin# o t o" 1aris. Ao smartly decorated and not too ty$ical 5ediast d either, li%e hes $ t a lot o" tho #ht into it. They even had the street closed o"" "or him. ,nd his !oss is AOOOO adora!le. <e r ns this h #e com$any that ma%es $eo$le loo% a lot yo n#er. ,nd hes in his seventies ! t he loo%s li%e he co ld !e 8ennys yo n#er, handsomer !rother. 0emem!er those $orns we sed to watch when we were in %inder#arten3 -ith the old man who molests teens on the !each. -hat was it called3 Old 5an A$ n%ers or somethin#3 Thats sort o" what he loo%s li%e, with the shaved head, ! t c ter and yo n#er. ,nyway, 8ennys !oss says he has these micro+ro!ots inside him that re$air his dead cells, ! t that so nds li%e ! llshit. I !et hes j st had a lot o" $lastic s r#ery and he also ta%es care o" himsel" and wor%s o t three times a day &UN8IKE 8ENNG4*. Ao when we h n# o t I dr n% more wine than Ive had since 0ome, and I #ot a little ti$sy, and this # y, 5r. 7oldman, he %e$t loo%in# at me with this %ind o" sweet, l st" l "ace, li%e he wants to whore me o t, ! t #ently, li%e Im his da #hter and his se= toy at the same time. <es so #oo"y and dor%y &he had a one+man show on a live sta#e and he drew all these " nny $aintin#s o" an old woman with massive $ !ic hair@AI/K4*, I j st wanted to j m$ on his la$ or somethin#. It %ind o" made me a little wet, how disarmin# he was and how smart and easy#oin# and j st $lain old CUN, the way 8enny never really is anymore. I was startin# to sweat a little, and I #et AO sel"+ conscio s. Its li%e my "rea%in# thi#hs are so "at theyre r !!in# a#ainst each other and ma%in# this wet %issin# so nd. 5-,<4 5-,<4 TI5,TOF4444 I need to lose wei#ht NO-, no e=c ses. I am so thro #h with $roteins and car!s, altho #h 5r. 7oldman was tal%in# a lot a!o t $ea% $roteins. ,nyway, this wee% Im j st #oin# to eat those lo+cal red+!ean icicle $o$s "rom the Korean mart and drin% "ive c $s o" water "or dinner. ,nd then I #o home with 8enny and I ma%e o t with him and we do 5a#ic 1 ssy time and all that, ! t all the time Im thin%in# a!o t Joshie 7oldman. 7,<4 -hat is wron# with me. Its li%e 8ennys not old eno #h3 I have a real 'ha ra ! h #ee( com$le=4 <a ha4 I sho ld as% Aally i" I can intern at the #eriatric ward o" this hos$ital where she vol nteers. ,nd I # ess I "elt so # ilty that I %e$t tellin# 8enny I want to #et married to him4 ,nyway, the ne=t day I #et a messa#e "rom Joshie &thats what he wants me to call him* sayin# that -E A<OU8D T,KE T<IA ,0T /8,AA TO7ET<E0 at 1arsons, where its j st me and him and some Crench art teacher. ,nd that I sho ld %ee$ that secret "rom 8enny that its j st the two o" s. Does that so nd li%e a come+on do yo thin%3 -hat do I do3 <es my !oy"riends !oss, 1ony4 Oh, and he said he co ld #et me a jo! in 0etail, li%e may!e at ,ss8 = ry or somethin#. <es a really $ower" l man. The thin# is, tho #h hes li%e O; years older than 8enny hes still a !it li%e a child, ! t li%e a totally advanced child. <es " n lovin# and in control and I !et he can $ay o"" my ,llied-aste !ills@<, <, <,4 Totally %iddin#. 2 t on the other hand its li%e I can comm nicate with him easier than I can with 8enny even tho #h he doesnt wear an I$$IrIt "or some reason and I cant #et his $ro"ile. Jes s /hrist, $ ssy $inyata. 1lease j st tell me Im a !ad $erson and set me strai#ht !e"ore I #ee)er a#ain. Ao I # ess the other major thin# is that I saw my dad and it was weird, ! t at the same time it %ind o" healed my heart a little. <e really has no $atients anymore, so he as%ed Aally i" he co ld hel$ o t in one o" the 8N-I cam$s in the $ar%s and she sent him to Tom$%ins A6 are, and then Aally sort o" 'arran#ed( that we sho ld meet there. Ahe always has to $lay the role o" the #ood da #hter !rin#in# the "amily to#ether. It was rainin# so hard all o" a s dden, all the "ood on the dinner ta!les was com$letely washed away and someone had donated three hams, so $eo$le were cryin#. This old woman died last wee% o" a heart attac% and no am! lances will even come down there anymore and $l s no one has <ealthcare vo chers. Ao it was li%e Dad to the resc e. <e s$ent a whole a"ternoon j st #ivin# "ree chec% $s in the tents. ,nd at "irst David wo ld li%e !ar% orders at him, sayin# this is a $riority or thats a $riority, ! t Dad wo ld j st loo% at him 6 ietly, the same way he stares at me, only witho t sayin# anythin#. ,nd David was li%e o%aaaay. Dad !ro #ht all his medical st "" with him, and it was so stran#e to j st see him as this little old ha ra ! h #ee wal%in# thro #h the $ar%, carryin# this h #e !rown leather !a# mommy #ot him "or his .;th !irthday, so harmless and innocent, and I was thin%in# T<IA is the man who r ined my li"e3 <e said there was serio s maln trition #oin# on, so we went to the new <+5art on Aecond ,ve and we #ot all this st "" that wo ldnt s$oil, li%e 1,;;; ddo% and $ac%ets o" %im &the not so #ood %ind* and those nori crac%ers !y li%e the wa#onload and we !ro #ht it all !ac% to the $ar% in a ca!. It was weird !eca se I sed to !e so ashamed o" havin# all that "ood in my l nch!o= in %inder#arten and now were "eedin# it to $oor ,mericans. It was " n to #o sho$$in# with dad, he never yelled at me once. ,nd yo

%now how #reat he is aro nd $oor $atients. <e even $layed with all the children in the ,ctivities tent the way he $lays with 5yon#+ hee when were in /,, $retendin# hes a $lane "lyin# !ac% to Aeo l and she clim!s on !oard and then shes stra$$ed in, and then the meal is served &more ddo%4* and then when it comes to a landin# he says, 'Than% yo "or "lyin# ,ir Uncle. 5a%e s re yo have ,88 $ersonal !elon#in#s, o%ay3( <e and David tal%ed a!o t scri$t re "or li%e ten ho rs, and I co ld tell David was im$ressed !y my dad j st s$o tin# 0omans and all that cra$, a!o t how hel$in# 8N-Is is li%e '#oin# nto Jer salem to minister nto the saints,( and I li%ed that sayin# !eca se it made David and all these $oor $eo$le so nd li%e saints, m ch !etter than the st c%+ $ 5edia jer%s 8enny han#s aro nd with. They had to #et o t all the s$are tar$s to $rotect the le"tover Co rth o" J ly corn "rom the rain, and David was tryin# to #et other $eo$le to hel$ him, ! t my dad was this o!stanate little ! lldo# and he re" sed any hel$ and it was j st him and David doin# all the wor%, li%e two relia!le stron# men, even tho #h I was worried Dad wo ld catch a cold. Its weird ! t I almost tho #ht that may!e this co ld !e my "amily, witho t mom or Aally. 5ay!e I sho ld have !een !orn a # y, h h3 I %now yo dont li%e David and the whole ,)i)s ,rmy, ! t a"ter they "inished, my dad told me he tho #ht David was really smart and that it was a shame what this co ntry was doin# to men li%e him, sendin# him to Fene) ela and then not #ivin# him his !on s or <ealthcare. I have to say I thin% in some ways my dad has more in common with David than with 8enny. Its li%e !eca se o r dads #rew $ in Korea a"ter the war they %now what its li%e to not have anythin# and how to s rvive o"" their smarts. ,nyway, I was really worried Dad wo ld !rin# $ 8enny, and at one $oint I tho #ht he was a!o t to, !eca se we were all alone and he really chan#es when were alone, the mas% j st dro$s o"" and its all a!o t how Ive "ailed him and mom, ! t all he said was '<ow are yo , E nice3( ,nd I almost "rea%in# started to cry, !eca se he never as%ed me that in my li"e. I was j st li%e, 'Uh+h h, "ine, h+h h,( and then it was li%e I co ldnt !reathe, and I co ldnt tell i" it was !eca se I was ha$$y or j st scared !eca se it seemed so "inal "or him to as% me that, li%e hed never see me a#ain. I wondered what he wo ld do i" I j st threw my arms aro nd him. I #et so scared whenever I have to leave my $arents ho se to #o away "or a while, !eca se he always attac%s me at the last min te, he always says somethin# terri!le in the car on the way to the air$ort, ! t I also wonder i" secretly he j st wants to have some %ind o" contact with me !e"ore I "ly o"" and a!andon him "or someone li%e 8enny. Thats how it "elt when we were wal%in# o t o" the $ar% and I j st !l rted o t, '2ye, Daddy, I love yo ,( and I ran down to o r a$artment and than% #od 8enny wasnt there !eca se I !awled "or three ho rs ntil he came home "or dinner and I really didnt want to s$end any time with him that ni#ht. ,nyway, I dont want to thin% a!o t this too m ch, !eca se it de$resses me. -hats new with yo , my little ch rro "rito3 Did yo r "ather #et his $l n#er !i) !ac%3 <ow was the va# rej v3 C c%+tard 7o$her3 I miss yo more and more each day were a$art. Oh, my mom ATI88 wont res$ond to my messa#es. Its li%e $ nishment "or datin# 8enny. 5ay!e I sho ld !rin# my new seventy+year+old "riend Joshie 7O8D5,N to ch rch4 <a ha. JULY 22 70I882IT/< 34 EUNI+T,0D: Dear 1recio s 1anda, I really cant tal% ri#ht now. -e cant "ind my dad. <e had #one to the "actory and thats the last 7lo!alTrace o" him I had on my I$$IrIt. -e tho #ht he had sn c% into the ! ildin# even tho #h its s rro nded !y National 7 ards and there are 8N-Is inside doin# whatever they want. 5ommy and I tried to #et thro #h the chec%$oint ! t they wo ldnt let s and when my mom started hollerin# at one o" the soldiers he $ nched her. -ere home and Im chan#in# the com$resses on her now, !eca se her eye is swollen and she wont #o to the hos$ital. -e dont %now whats ha$$enin# anymore. Aome 5edia # y 1ervai) Ailver!latt o" the 8evy 0e$ort is streamin# that theres a "ire at the "actory, ! t Ive never heard o" him. Im sorry Im a !ad "riend and cant hel$ yo with yo r $ro!lems ri#ht now. Go have to !e stron# and do whatever yo have to do "or yo r "amily. EUNI+T,0D: Aally, did yo hear whats ha$$enin# in /ali"ornia3 To the Kan#s3 A,88GAT,0: ,s% yo r !oy"riend. EUNI+T,0D: -hat3 A,88GAT,0: ,s% him a!o t -a$ach n# /ontin#ency. EUNI+T,0D: I dont #et it. A,88GAT,0: Dont worry a!o t it. EUNI+T,0D: C c% yo , Aally. -hy do yo have to !e li%e that3 -hat has 8enny ever done to yo or to mom3 ,nd CGI 8enny doesnt wor% "or -a$ach n# -hatever, he wor%s "or 1ost < man Aervices. I met his !oss and hes really nice. Its j st a com$any that hel$s $eo$le loo% yo n#er and live lon#er. A,88GAT,0: Ao nds $retty e#otistical. EUNI+T,0D: 0i#ht, !eca se only yo and dad can !e saints ministerin# nto Jer salem. A,88GAT,0: < h3 EUNI+T,0D: 8oo% it $, its in yo r !i!le. Go $ro!a!ly have it hi#hli#hted in twenty di""erent colors. 7 ess what3 Ive !een hel$in# too, Aally. Ive !een at the $ar% the last "ew wee%s. ,nd Ive !ecome "riends with David who thin%s yo re j st a s$oiled little 2arnard #irl. A,88GAT,0: <ow m ch lon#er are yo #oin# to #o on j st !ein# a little !all o" an#er, E nice3 One day yo r loo%s are #oin# to "ade and all these st $id old white men wont !e chasin# a"ter yo and then what3 EUNI+T,0D: Nice, Aally. -ell, at least yo r !ein# honest "or the "irst time in yo r li"e. A,88GAT,0: Im sorry, E nice. A,88GAT,0: E nice3 Im sorry. EUNI+T,0D: I have to #o see David in the $ar%. Im #ettin# them 5ens 2iom lti$les !eca se they need to !e stron# in case theres an attac%.

A,88GAT,0: O%ay. I love yo . EUNI+T,0D: A re. A,88GAT,0: E nice4 EUNI+T,0D: I %now yo do. JULY 24 ,_I_,05G+INCO 34 EUNI+T,0D: <i, E nice. 7ood meetin# yo r dad and tal%in# to him. <e reminds me o" yo , in the sense that yo re !oth hardcore. Im #lad yo said !ein# to#ether at Tom$%ins A6 are Nation has !ro #ht yo closer. Aeein# yo r dad made me miss mine. -hen we were #rowin# $ they were even to #her on s than they had to !e and that means their %ids !ecame stron#er than they had to !e. O2AE0F,TION: Go !itch and whine a lot, E nice, thats yo r AO1, ! t yo re still a very stron# woman, scary stron# sometimes. Use that stren#th "or #ood. 5ove on. It is /O8D with the rain toni#ht. Everyones aslee$ and the only so nd is 5arisols little #irl ,nna sin#in# old 0Y2 !y the water "o ntain. Im worried a!o t Corce 1rotection. 5y 51s say theres no ,0, activity aro nd the $ar% $erimeter, which doesnt "eel ri#ht "or a Criday. Im #oin# to send a nit downran#e to the 8a ndromat on At. 5ar%s. 5ay!e the 2i$artisans see the writin# on the wall. 5ay!e we really are #oin# to #et o r Fene) ela !on ses this time. O2AE0F,TION: Go re very l c%y overall, E nice, yo %now that3 It wo ld !e hel$" l i" yo were here with me ri#ht now so that we co ld tal% in the 6 iet o" the tent &I tried to ver!al yo , ! t yo re $ro!a!ly aslee$* and it wo ld !e j st li%e in colle#e all over a#ain, only no one at , stin was as $retty as yo . CGI, /ha ncey at 5aln trition says we need D; cans o" mos6 ito re$ellent and i" we #et a 1;; more avocado and cra!meat nits "rom <+mart that wo ld really $ o r n tritional $ro"ile. <o$e yo re stayin# dry and that yo r mind and !ody are in a #ood $lace. Dont #ive in to <i#h Net -orth thin%in# this wee%. 1er"orm se" l tas%s that yo r dad wo ld !e $ro d o". 2 t also: 0ela= a little. -hatever ha$$ens, I #ot yo r !ac%. David THE RUPTURE FROM THE DIARIES OF LENNY ABRAMOV

JU8G D9 Dear Diary, 7race and Fishn had their $re#nancy+anno ncin# $arty on Ataten Island. On the way to the "erry terminal, E ny and I saw a demonstration, an old+school $rotest march down Delancey Atreet and toward the !ro%en s $erstr ct re o" the -illiams! r# 2rid#e. It was sanctioned !y the 0estoration , thority, or so it seemed, the marchers "reely chantin# and wavin# miss$elled si#ns demandin# !etter ho sin#: '1ee$le $ower4( '<o ssin# is a h man ri#ht.( 'Dont throw s o"" the $eir.( '2 rn all /redit 1ole4( 'I am no a #rassho$$er, huev>n4( 'Don call me ant4( They were chantin# in A$anish and /hinese, their accents jammin# the ear, so many stron# lan# a#es vyin# to $ sh their way into o r lac%adaisical native one. There were small C jianese men, !i#+!ac%ed 8atina mothers, and, stic%in# o t o" the "ray, #an#ly white 5edia $eo$le tryin# to stream a!o t their own $ro!lems with condo down $ayments and im$erio s co+o$ !oards. '-e are !ein# overr led !y real estate4( the more er dite marchers sho ted. 'No more threats o" de$ortation4 2oo4 A$ace "or 872T yo th is not "or sale4 In nity there is $ower4 Ta%e !ac% o r city4 No j stice4 No $eace4( Their caco$hony calmed me. I" there co ld still !e marches li%e this, i" $eo$le co ld still concern themselves with thin#s li%e better ho sin# "or trans#endered yo th, then may!e we werent "inished as a nation j st yet. I considered teenin# Nettie Cine the #ood news, ! t was $reocc $ied !y the travails o" j st #ettin# to Ataten Island. The National 7 ard troo$s at the "erry terminal chec%$oints werent -a$ach n# /ontin#ency accordin# to my I$$IrIt, so we s !mitted to the s al hal"+ho r 'Deny and Im$ly( h miliations li%e everyone else. 7race and Fishn lived on one "loor o" a Ahin#le Atyle manse in the hi$ster At. 7eor#e nei#h!orhood, the ho ses Doric col mns declarin# an over!earin# historicity, the t rret $rovidin# comic relie", stained+#lass windows a $retty %ind o" %itsch, the rest o" it sea+weathered and con"ident, a late+nineteenth+cent ry indi#eno s "orm ! ilt on an island at a tiny remove "rom what was then !ecomin# the most im$ortant city in the most im$ortant co ntry in the world. They werent rich, my Fishn and 7race@they had !o #ht the ho se "or almost nothin# two years a#o, when the last crisis was hittin# its $ea%@and the $lace was already a mess, even witho t the im$endin# !a!y, a "l rry o" !ro%en Aha%er " rnit re that Fishn wo ld never "ind the time to "i=, and tr ly smelly !oo%s "rom another li"etime he wo ld never read. Fishn was o t on the !ac% $orch #rillin# to" and t rnin# over ve#eta!les. The $orch dec% elevated their a$artment !eyond the m ndane, a " ll view o" downtown 5anhattan risin# thro #h the mids mmer heat, the s%yline loo%in# tired, worn, in need o" a !ath. Fishn and I did the Nee+ #ro sla$ and h #. I hovered aro nd my "riend, chattin# him $ with #reat care li%e I wo ld a woman at a !ar when I was yo n# and sin#le, while E nice stood timidly in the distance, a #lass o" 1inot somethin#+or+other ti#ht in her "ist. /risisNet: /0EDIT 5,0KET DE2T EX/EEDA 1;; T0I88ION NO0T<E0N EU0O 2EN/<5,0K. I wasnt s re what that meant. Fishn #a)ed distractedly into the middle distance, while a root ve#eta!le "ell !etween the slats o" the #rill and iss ed a mild re$ort. The dec% !e#an to "ill $. There was Noah, loo%in# "l shed and s mmer+weary ! t ready to emcee the anno ncement o"

Fishn and 7races little #irl soon to come, " lly inde!ted, into o r stran#e new world, and Noahs #irl"riend, ,my 7reen!er#, the comic relie", streamin# hard on her '5 ""into$ <o r,( "illed with ! rsts o" s$asmodic la #hter and not+so+s !tle an#er at the "act that Noah wasnt $lannin# to #et her $re#nant, that all she had was her hard+driven career. 5y "riends. 5y dear ones. -e chatted in the ty$ically " nny+sad way o" $eo$le in their very late thirties a!o t the thin#s that sed to ma%e s yo n# as ,my $assed aro nd a real joint, seedless and moist, the %ind that only 5edia $eo$le #et. I tried to #et E nice involved, ! t she mostly stayed !y the ed#e o" the dec% with her I$$IrIt, her st nnin# coc%tail dress li%e somethin# o t o" an old movie, the ha #hty $rincess no one can nderstand ! t one man. Noah came over to E nice and started charmin# her retro &'<ow ya doin, little lady3(*, and I co ld see her mo th t rnin# to "orm little sylla!les o" nderstandin# and enco ra#ement, a terminal !l sh s$readin# li%e a rash across the #loss o" her nec%, ! t she s$o%e too 6 ietly "or me to hear her over the s$ittin# din o" ve#eta!les !ein# #rilled !lac%, the comm nal la #hter o" old "riends. 5ore $eo$le showed $: 7races Jewish and Indian co+wor%ers, 0etail women+lawyers who e""ortlessly switched "rom "riendly to stern, 6 iet to volatile> Fishn s s mmer+$retty e=es, who still %e$t in to ch !eca se he was so swell a # y> and a ! nch o" $eo$le who went to NGU with s, mostly slic% /redit d des, one with a "ashiona!le 5ohaw% and $earl earrin# who was tryin# to match Noah in $itch and im$ortance. I had a 6 ic% s ccession o" vod%a shots with Noah, who, t rnin# o"" his I$$IrIt, con"ided in me that 7races $re#nancy was 'totally ma%in# VhimW nervo s,( that he didnt %now what to do with himsel" ne=t, and that his alcoholism, while charmin# to most, was startin# to worry ,my 7reen!er#. 'Do what "eels ri#ht,( I #li!ly told him, advice "rom an era when the "irst 2oein# Dreamliner, still "lyin# nder the ,merican "la#, li"ted o"" the soil and !ro%e the leaden Aeattle s%ies. '2 t nothing "eels ri#ht anymore,( Noah set me strai#ht, his eyes la)ily scannin# E nices ti#ht "orm. I $o red him a !i##er shot, vod%a over"lowin# and moistenin# my #rill+!lac%ened "in#ers. I was ha$$y that at least he wasnt tal%in# $olitics today, ha$$y and a little s r$rised. -e dran% and let the $assin# joint add a tasty #reen h midity to o r ncertain moods, dan#er $ lsin# !ehind my cornea, yet the "ield o" vision !ri#ht and clear as "ar as my a""ections were concerned. I" I co ld have my "riends and my E nice "orever and ever I wo ld !e "ine. , "or% clan#ed a#ainst a cham$a#ne #lass, the only non$lastic #lass in the co $les $ossession. Noah was a!o t to ma%e his well+rehearsed 'im$rom$t ( s$eech. Fishn and 7race stood in o r midst, and my sym$athies and love "or them "lowed in na!ashed waves. <ow !ea ti" l she loo%ed in her "eat reless white $easant to$ and nontrans$arent jeans, that %ind, aw%ward #oose o" a woman, and Fishn , his dar% "eat res #rowin# ever more <e!raic nder the wei#ht o" $comin# res$onsi!ilities &tr ly o r two races are ni6 ely $rimed "or re$rod ction*, his wardro!e more calm and collected, the yo th" l AUK DIK cra$ re$laced !y slac%s o" no vinta#e and a standard+iss e '0 !enstein 5 st Die Alowly( T+shirt. 7race and Fishn , my two ad lts. Noah s$o%e, and altho #h I tho #ht I was #oin# to hate his words, the s r"ace nat re o" them, that always+streamin# 6 ality that 5edia $eo$le are na!le to correct "or, I didnt. 'I love this Nee+#ro,( he said $ointin# to Fishn , 'and this here !ride o" Nee+#ro, and I thin% they are the only $eo$le who sho ld !e #ivin# !irth, the only $ee$s 7ualified to $o$ one o t.( '0i#ht on4( we call+and+res$onded. 'The only $ee$s s re o" themselves eno #h so that, come what may, the child will !e loved and cared "or and sheltered. 2eca se theyre #ood $eo$le. I %now "ol%s say that a lot@MTheyre #ood $ee$s, yo@! t theres the %ind o" $lastic #ood, the %ind o" easy M#ood any o" s can #enerate, and then theres this other, dee$ thin# that is so hard "or s to "ind anymore. /onsistency. Day+to+ day. 5ovin# on. Ta%in# stoc%. Never e=$lodin#. /hannelin# it all, that an#er, that h #e an#er a!o t whats ha$$ened to s as a $eo$le, channelin# it into whatever+the+" c%. Kee$in# it away "rom the children, thats all Im #oin# to say.( E nice was a$$raisin# Noah with warm eyes, nconscio sly closin# her "in#ers aro nd her I$$IrIt and the $ lsin# ,ss8 = ry in "ront o" her. I tho #ht Noah was "inished s$ea%in#, ! t now he had to ma%e some jo%es to !alance o t the "act that we all loved 7race and Fishn yet were immensely scared "or them and their two+months+in+the+oven nderta%in#, and ,my had to la #h at the jo%es, and we all had to "ollow s it and la #h@which was "ine. The joint ret rned, $assed !y a slender, n"amiliar womans hand, and I to%ed harshly "rom it. I settled into a memory o" !ein# may!e "o rteen and $assin# !y one o" those then newly ! ilt NGU dormitories on Cirst or Aecond ,ven e, those m lti+colored !lo!s with some %ind o" chic%en+win#+ty$e modernity $ointedly han#in# o"" the roo", and there were these smartly dressed #irls j st !ein# yo n# o t !y the ! ildin#s lo!!y, and they smiled in tandem as I $assed@not in jest, ! t !eca se I was a normal+loo%in# # y and it was a !rilliant s mmer day, and we were all alive. I remem!er how ha$$y I was &I decided to attend NGU on the s$ot*, ! t how, a"ter I had wal%ed hal" a !loc% away, I reali)ed they were #oin# to die and I was #oin# to die and that the "inal res lt@none=istence, eras re, none o" this matterin# in that 'lon#est( o" r ns@wo ld never a$$ease me, never allow me to enjoy " lly the ha$$iness o" the "riends I s s$ected I wo ld one day ac6 ire, "riends li%e these $eo$le in "ront o" me, cele!ratin# an $comin# !irth, la #hin# and drin%in#, $assin# into a new #eneration with their connectivity and decency intact, even as each year !ro #ht closer the nthin%a!le, those wa%in# ho rs that !e#an at nine $ost meridian and ended at three in the mornin#, those $ lsin#, mos6 ito+!itten ho rs o" dread. <ow "ar I had come "rom my $arents, !orn in a co ntry ! ilt on cor$ses, how "ar I had come "rom their endless an=iety@oh, the !lind l c% o" it all4 ,nd yet how little I had traveled away "rom them, the ina!ility to #ras$ the $resent moment, to #ra! 7race !y the sho lders and say, 'Go r ha$$iness is mine.( /risisNet: /<IN, INFEAT5ENT /O01O0,TION QUITA U.A. T0E,AU0IEA. I saw Fishn !lin% several times as the latest news scrolled on o r I$$IrIti, and some o" the /redit # ys were whis$erin# st "" to one another. Fishn #ri$$ed his "ianc[e and c $$ed her still+small !elly. -e ret rned to the ! siness o" la #hin# at Noahs rendition o" Fishn s "reshman year at NGU@a hayseed "rom U$state, he had !een $artially r n over !y a li#ht tr c% and had to !e hos$itali)ed with tread mar%s on his chest. Two lines o" helico$ters, li%e a !ro%en F o" #eese, were massin# over what I ima#ined to !e the ,rth r Kill on one side and the $oetic c rve o" the Ferra)ano 2rid#e on another. -e all loo%ed $ "rom the s$eech 7race was tear" lly #ivin# s@how we meant the world to her, how she wasnt worried a!o t anythin#, as lon# as she had s@

'<oly " c%,( two o" the /redit # ys said to each other, their /oronas sha%y in their hands. /risisNet: /<INEAE /ENT0,8 2,NKE0 -,N7A<EN7 8I IAAUEA /,UTION,0G AT,TE5ENT: '-E <,FE 2EEN 1,TIENT.( '8ets j st@( Fishn said. 'Never mind it. 8ets j st enjoy the day. 1eo$le4 Theres another joint #oin# aro nd this way4( O r /redit ran%in#s and assets started to !lin%. 0E/,8/U8,TION IN 10O70EAA. The #entleman with the 5ohaw% was already ma%in# his way "or the e=it. /risisNet: U07ENT: ,5E0I/,N 0EATO0,TION ,UT<O0ITG 0,IAEA T<0E,T 8EFE8 CO0 NE- GO0K, 8OA ,N7E8EA, DIAT0I/T OC /O8U52I, TO 0EDUUI55INENT D,N7E0. -e were all sho tin# at one another now. Aho tin# and #ra!!in# on to one another, the e=citement o" what we always s s$ected wo ld ha$$en tin#ed with the reality that we were act ally, "inally, in the middle o" the movie, na!le to leave the cine$le= "or the sa"ety o" o r vehicles. ,ll o" s were loo%in# into one anothers eyes, o r real eyes, sometimes !l e and ha)el ! t mostly !rown and !lac%, as i" #a #in# o r alliances: -o ld we !e a!le to s rvive to#ether, or wo ld it !e !etter a$art3 Noah craned his nec% $ward, ever $ward, as i" !oth to #et a #ri$ on the sit ation and to assert his $rimacy as a tall man. '-e have to stic% to#ether,( I was sayin# to ,my 7reen!er#, ! t she was in a di""erent $lace, a $lace where calc lations were made and the data and Ima#es "lowed li%e vino verde in J ly. I wor%ed thro #h my own data as I tried to "ind E nice. /risisNet: AI7NICI/,NT A5,88 ,05A /O52,T IN 10O70EAA NE- GO0K /ITG, ,0E,A I55EDI,TE8G UNDE0 N,TION,8 7U,0D QU,0,NTINE, /ENT0,8 1,0K, 0IFE0AIDE 1,0K, TO51KINA AQU,0E 1,0K.U07ENT 5EAA,7E C0O5 ,5E0I/,N 0EATO0,TION ,UT<O0ITG 5ID+,T8,NTI/ /O55,ND &.:;O $.m., EAT* Te=t "ollows@Ins r#ent attac%s have !een la nched on the 2orrower+A$ender+Cinancial+0esidential /om$le= in 8ower 5anhattan. 0esidents 5UAT re$ort to $rimary residence "or " rther instr ctionsPrelocation. <! reading this message !ou are den!ing its e#istence and im l!ing consent. There were streams now. Crom the 5edia $eo$le livin# in the tenements aro nd Tom$%ins 1ar%, #in#erly leanin# their I$$IrIti o t their windowsills. The rectan#le o" #reen was cho%ed in smo%e> even the st rdiest trees had !een den ded !y the scale o" the artillery, their !are !ranches sh dderin# wordlessly in the helico$ter wind. The 8N-Is had !een s rro nded. Their leader, now listed !y 5edia as David 8orrin#, two 'r(s, one 'n,( was !adly wo nded. 7 ardsmen were carryin# him o t o" the $ar% and toward an armored $ersonnel carrier. I co ldnt see his "ace !eyond the meaty red l m$ $eerin# o t "rom !ehind a hasty !anda#e, ! t he was still wearin# his own j n#le+#reen Fene) ela+vinta#e ni"orm, one arm dan#lin# o"" the stretcher at an inh man an#le, as i" it had !een torn away and reattached !y $sychotics. Thro #h the smo%e, I ca #ht snatches o" !odies too com$romised to cate#ori)e, the o tlines o" men with # ns at their side !reachin# " rther into the chaos, and everywhere the $o$ o" e=$lodin# $lastic water !ottles. , si#n !earin# the s r$risin# word 'DI1<T<E0I,( !illowed ri#ht into the camera no))le o" someones I$$IrIt. E nice swi"tly came $ to me. 'I want to #o to 5anhattan4( she said. '-e all want to #o home,( I said, '! t loo% at whats ha$$enin#.( 'I have to #o to Tom$%ins 1ar%. I %now someone there.( ',re yo cra)y3 Theyre %illin# $eo$le there.( ', "riend o" mines in tro !le.( ', lot o" $eo$le are in tro !le.( '5ay!e my sisters there too4 Ahe hel$s o t in the $ar%. <el$ me #et to the "erry.( 'E nice4 -ere not #oin# an!where ri#ht now.( The dead smile came on with s ch " ll "orce that I tho #ht a $art o" her chee%!one had crac%ed. 'Thats "ine,( she said. 7race and Fishn , who were loadin# !a#s " ll o" "ood "or $eo$le who did not coo% in their homes, $redictin# the sie#e+li%e sit ation to come with their "ore!ears canniness. 5y I$$IrIt started to war!le. I was !ein# hit with a serio s data $ac%a#e. TO: 1ost+< man Aervices Ahareholders and E=ec tive 1ersonnelC0O5: Joshie 7oldmannAU2JE/T: 1olitical sit ation.2ODG OC 5EAA,7E CO88O-A: -e are in the $rocess o" a $ro"o nd chan#e, ! t we r#e all mem!ers o" the 1ost+< man "amily to remain !oth calm and vi#ilant. The e=$ected colla$se o" the 0 !ensteinP,0,P2i$artisan re#ime $resents s with #reat $ossi!ilities. -e at Ataatlin#+-a$ach n# are reachin# o t to other nations soverei#n wealth " nds loo%in# "or investment and alliance. -e antici$ate social chan#es that will !ene"it all shareholders and to$+level $ersonnel. In the initial sta#es o" the trans"ormation o r $rimary concern is the sa"ety o" all shareholders and co+wor%ers. I" yo are c rrently located o tside New Gor%, $lease ma%e haste to ret rn to the city. Des$ite a$$earances o" lawlessness and colla$se in certain sections o" downtown and midtown, yo r sa"ety can !e !est # aranteed i" yo are in yo r own Tri$le=es, ho ses, or a$artments within 5anhattan and 2rownstown 2roo%lyn. -a$ach n# /ontin#ency $ersonnel have !een instr cted to $rotect yo "rom riotin# 8ow Net -orth Individ als and ro# e National 7 ard elements. 1lease contact <oward Ah at 8i"e 8overs O treach i" yo have any 6 estions or re6 ire immediate assistance. I" re# lar I$$IrIt transmissions cease "or any reason, $lease loo% "or -a$ach n# /ontin#ency emer#ency scrolls and "ollow the directions #iven. ,n e=citin# time is a!o t to !e#in "or s and the creative economy. -e are all "ort nate, and, in an a!stract sense, !lessed. Onward4 E nice had t rned away "rom me and was cryin# intermittent ! t vol $t o s tears that c rled aro nd her nose and !eaded, #atherin# vol me and stren#th. 'E nice,( I said. 'Aweetheart. Its #oin# to !e all ri#ht.( I $ t one arm aro nd her, ! t she shoo% it o"". The #ro nd echoed near!y, and I $ic%ed $ an entirely s rreal so nd !eyond the n%em$t hed#es o" 7race and Fishn s little $ala))o @the sic%enin# contralto o" middle+class $eo$le screamin#. /risisNet: UNIDENTICIED AOU0/EA: FENE_UE8,N N,FG 5IAAI8E C0I7,TEA 5,0IA/,8 AU/0E Y 0,U8 0EGEA 18UA AU11O0T A<I1A 0E1O0TED E;; 5I8EA OCC NO0T< /,0O8IN, /O,AT. AT. FIN/ENTA OT<E0 NE- GO0K ,0E, <OA1IT,8A ON <I7< ,8E0T. The "ew o" s who were "rom 5anhattan and 2rownstone 2roo%lyn were linin# $ !e"ore Fishn and 7race, tryin# to #et a $lace to crash in their ho se> other Ataten Islanders were o""erin# "old+o t cots and oven+ warm s$aces in their attics. The names and n m!ers o" car service com$anies were !o ncin# aro nd "rom I$$IrIt to I$$IrIt, and $eo$le were tryin# to "i# re o t i" the Ferra)ano 2rid#e was still $assa!le.

5y own I$$IrIt s6 ealed a#ain, and witho t warnin# Joshies voice, as r#ent as Ive ever heard it, "illed my head. '-here are yo , 8en3( he said. '7lo!alTrace is showin# Ataten Island.( 'At. 7eor#e.( 'Is E nice with yo 3( 'Geah.( 'Go ve #ot to ma%e s re shes all ri#ht.( 'Ahes all ri#ht. -ere #oin# to !ed down in Ataten Island, wait "or the worst to $ass.( '2ed down3 Go didnt #et the memo3 Go ve #ot to #et !ac% to 5anhattan.( 'I #ot it, ! t it doesnt ma%e any sense. ,rent we sa"er here3( '8enny.( The voice $a sed, allowin# my name to rin# in my lower conscio sness, as i" it were 7od callin# me to him. 'These memos dont come "rom nowhere. This is strai#ht "rom -a$ach n# /ontin#ency. 7et o"" Ataten Island now. 7o home immediately. Ta%e E nice with yo . 5a%e s re shes sa"e.( I was still stoned. The windows to my so l were "o##y and red. The transition "rom relative ha$$iness to com$lete "ear made no sense. Then I remem!ered the so rce o" that relative ha$$iness. '5y "riends,( I said. '-ill they !e o%ay i" they stay on Ataten Island3( 'It de$ends,( Joshie said. 'On what3( 'Their assets.( I did not %now how to res$ond to this. I wanted to cry. 'Go r "riends Fishn and 7race are #oin# to !e "ine where they are,( Joshie said. :ow did he know the names of m! friends& :ad I told him& 'Go r main "oc s sho ld !e #ettin# E nice !ac% to 5anhattan.( '-hat a!o t my "riends Noah and ,my3( There was a $a se. 'Ive never heard o" them,( Joshie said. It was time to move o t. I %issed Fishn on !oth chee%s, Nee+#ro?sla$$ed the others, and acce$ted a small container o" %imchi and seaweed wra$ "rom 7race, who !e##ed s to stay. '8enny4( she cried. Then she whis$ered into my ear, care" l not to let E nice overhear: 'I love yo , sweetie. Ta%e care o" E nice. 2oth o" yo ta%e care.( 'Dont say it li%e that,( I whis$ered !ac%. 'Ill see yo a#ain. Ill see yo tomorrow.( I "o nd Noah and ,my streamin# ne=t to each other, him sho tin#, her cryin#, the air dense with $anic and 5edia. I reached over and t rned o"" Noahs I$$IrIt. 'Go and ,my have to come with s to 5anhattan.( ',re yo cra)y3( he said. 'Theres "i#htin# downtown. The Fene) elans are on their way.( '5y !oss says weve #ot to #et to 5anhattan. <e said were sa"er there. <e heard it "rom -a$ach n# /ontin#ency.( '-a$ach n# /ontin#ency3( Noah sho ted. '-hat, are yo 2i$artisan now3( ,nd "or once I wanted to smac% the indi#nation o t o" my "riend. '-e need to %ee$ sa"e, asshole,( I said. 'Theres a major riot on. Im tryin# to save yo r li"e.( ',nd what a!o t Fishn and 7race3 I" its not sa"e here, why dont they come with s3( '5y !oss told me theyd !e o%ay here.( '-hy, !eca se Fishn s colla!oratin#3( I #ra!!ed his arm in a way that I never had, his thic% "lesh twistin# in my stron# #ri$, ! t also in a way that connoted that "or once I was in char#e !etween s. '8oo%,( I said. 'I love yo . Go re my "riend. -eve #ot to do this "or E nice and ,my. -eve #ot to ma%e s re they dont #et h rt.( <e loo%ed at me with the easy hatred o" the ri#hteo s. I had always !een ns re o" his a""ection "or ,my 7reen!er#, and now I had no reason to do !t. <e didnt love her. They were to#ether "or the o!vio s and timeless reason: It was sli#htly less $ain" l than !ein# alone. /risisNet: UNIDENTICIED AOU0/EA: 1: /0EDIT 1O8EA AET ON CI0E 2G 8O- NET -O0T< 10OTEATE0A IN 5,N<,TT,N /0EDIT DIAT0I/T. N,TION,8 7U,0D TO 0EA1OND -IT< 'A-ICT ,/TION.( -e wal%ed o t on !ea ti" l, lea"y, Fictorian At. 5ar%s 1lace, li%e two "ine co $les, Noahs arms aro nd ,my, mine aro nd E nice. 2 t the $retty co $ledom and the handsome, droo$in# willows o" the street "ormed a lie. , sic%enin# /a casian "ear, mowed #rass and tem$erate se= mi=ed with a s r$risin# shot o" third+world $ers$iration, crowded the !oro #hs most ele#ant street, the hi$sterish white yo n# h manity r shin# !ac% toward the Ataten Island Cerry, toward 5anhattan and then 2roo%lyn, while another crowd was tryin# to "i#ht its way !ac% onto Ataten Island@neither side %nowin# i" they had the ri#ht idea> to hear the 5edia chatter o"" o r I$$IrIti, the entire city seemed en# l"ed in violence, either real or invented. -e stal%ed $ast one another, the 5edia $eo$le streamin# in motion, ,my #ivin# o"" a $r[cis o" her wardro!e and her recent "r strations with Noah, E nice watchin# her s rro ndin#s with one care" l eye, while her "ormida!le C c%a!ility ran%in#s "l ttered in the wind aro nd s. , "resh armada o" helico$ters "lew over s, j st as a real storm was !e#innin# to anno nce itsel". I #ot an emer#ency teen "rom Nettie Cine: '8ENNG, ,0E GOU A,CE3 I5 AO -O00IED4 -<E0E ,0E GOU3( I wrote her that Noah and E nice and I were on Ataten Island tryin# to #et !ac% to 5anhattan. '8ET 5E KNO- -<,TA <,11ENIN7 EFE0G ATE1 OC T<E -,G,( she wrote, calmin# my "ears. Everythin# was #oin# to hell, ! t my ,merican mama was still loo%in# o t "or me. I !ore le"t onto <amilton ,ven e, the Ataten Island Cerry terminal ! t a ra$id descent to the !ay. -e were almost %noc%ed down !y a r nnin# 5ediast d, all teeth and s n! rn and o$ened # aya!era shirt. 'Theyre shootin# at 5edia $eo$le4( he was $rojectin# into his I$$IrIt and at anyone who wo ld listen.

'-here3( we sho ted. '<ere. In 5anhattan. 2roo%lyn. The 8N-Is are ! rnin# down the /redit 1oles4 The 7 ard is "irin# !ac%4 The Fene) elans are sailin# $ the 1otomac4( Noah $ lled s !ac%, his arms aro nd E nice and me, his relative stren#th and the solidity o" his d m! ! l% s6 ee)in# s ti#ht, ma%in# me hate him. '-eve #ot to loo$ aro nd4( he sho ted. 'Theres no way we can ma%e it down <amilton. Its covered in /redit 1oles. The 7 ards #oin# to start shootin#.( I saw E nice loo%in# at him with a smile, con#rat latin# his chea$ decisiveness. ,my was streamin# a!o t her !eloved mother@a s n+worn $rototy$e o" a contem$orary 5ediawhore@at $resent vacationin# in 5aine, how she missed her, how she wished she had #one $ to see her this wee%end, ! t Noah, Noah, had insisted they #o to 7race and Fishn s $arty, and now li"e really s c%ed, didnt it3 '/an yo #et me to Tom$%ins 1ar%3( E nice as%ed Noah. <e smiled. In the middle o" the hysteria, he smiled. '8ets see what I can do.( ',re yo all insane3( I sho ted. 2 t Noah was already dra##in# E nice and ,my in the direction o" Fictory 2o levard. There were $eo$le r nnin# there, "ewer than on <amilton ,ven e, ! t still at least a "ew h ndred, scared and disoriented. I reached E nice and tore her "rom Noahs #ras$. 5y !ody, "la!!y ! t real and nearly do !le E nices wei#ht, h ddled " lly aro nd her and an#led s a#ainst the "low, my arms !earin# the !r nt o" the advancin# horde, the $arade o" yo n#, scared $eo$le, the "rontal mass o" their "loral !ody washes, the denseness o" their ina!ility to s rvive. ,head o" s, two /redit 1oles smoldered in the #ray $re+storm heat, their 8ED co nters %noc%ed o t, s$ar%s "lyin# "rom their electronic innards. I $ shed my way "orward, innate 0 ssianness, #liness, Jewishness, !eatin# thro #h my system@emer#ency, emer#ency, emer#ency@while in rin# my $recio s car#o a#ainst any harm, as her 1adma cosmetics !a# jammed into my ri!s, mistin# my eyes with the $ain o" its shar$ ed#es. I was whis$erin# to E nice: 'Aweetie, sweetie, its #oin# to !e o%ay.( 2 t there was no need. E nice was o%ay. -e lin%ed hands. Noah led ,my, ,my led E nice, and E nice led me thro #h the screamin# crowd, which was t rnin# in one direction and then another, r mors "lashin# aro nd with I$$IrIt s$eed. The s%y chan#ed as i" to ta nt s " rther, a stron# wind lashin# s "rom the east and then "rom the west. 2ehind the old co rtho se, a m nici$al area had !ecome a National 7 ard sta#in# #ro nd, cho$$ers ta%in# o"", armored $ersonnel carriers, tan%s, 2rownin# # ns in mid+swin#, a small area cordoned o"" into a holdin# $en where some older !lac% $eo$le were interred. -e ran. It meant nothin#. It all meant nothin#. ,ll the si#ns. The street names. The landmar%s. Even here, amidst the %in#dom o" my "ear, all I co ld thin% a!o t was E nice not lovin# me, losin# her res$ect "or me, Noah the decisive leader in a time when she was s $$osed to need me. Ataten Island 2an% Y Tr st. ,#ainst Da 7rain 2ar!er Aho$. /hild Evan#elism Cellowshi$. Ataten Island 5ental <ealth Aociety. The Ferra)ano 2rid#e. ,Y5 2ea ty A $$lies. 1lanet 1leas re. U$ and 7rowin# Day /are. Ceet, "eet. Ahards o" data all aro nd s, seless ran%in#s, seless streams, seless comm ni6 [s "rom a world that was no lon#er to a world that wo ld never !e. I smelled the #arlic on E nices !reath and on her !ody. I con" sed it with li"e. I "elt the small he"t o" a tho #ht that I co ld $roject at her !ac%. The tho #ht !ecame a chanted mantra: 'I love yo , I love yo , I love yo .( 'Tom$%ins 1ar%,( she said, her st !!ornness clawin# at me. '5y sister.( , s r#e o" !lac% h manity "rom the n#entri"ied nei#h!orhood j st !eyond At. 7eor#e mer#ed with o rs, and I co ld "eel the hi$sterish com$onent tryin# to se$arate themselves "rom the !lac%s, an ,merican s rvival instinct that dated !ac% to the arrival o" the "irst slave shi$. Distance "rom the condemned. 2lac%, white, !lac%, white. 2 t it didnt matter either. -e were "inally one. -e were all condemned. , new s6 all o" rain !lan%etin# o r "aces, a rollin# wave o" heat "ollowin# the rain, Noahs weathered "ace starin# into mine, c rsin# my slowness and indecision, ,my streamin# j st one word, '5ommy,( over and over a#ain into the satellites a!ove s, into the !ree)y reality o" her mothers 5aine, E nice, her "ace level and strai#ht, her arms aro nd me, all o" her in my arms. Noah and ,my ran into the "erry terminal thro #h a $ortal o" "inely shredded #lass. E nice had #ra!!ed my arm and was $ llin# me toward o r #oal. Two "erries had j st dis#or#ed their last screamin# 5anhattan $assen#ers. -ho was $ilotin# these "erries3 -hy were they still crossin# the !ay3 -as there sa"ety in constant motion3 -as there any sa"e $lace le"t to doc%3 '8enny,( she said. 'Im tellin# yo ri#ht now that i" yo dont ta%e me to Tom$%ins Im j st #oin# to #o with Noah. Ive #ot to "ind my sister. Ive #ot to try to hel$ my "riend. I know I can hel him. Go can #o and !e sa"e at o r ho se. Ill come !ac%, I $romise.( One "erry, the $ohn %; Cenned!, had !e# n to chortle in the water in $re$aration "or de$art re, and we headed "or its o$en hold. Noah and ,my had already clam!ered on !oard and were h ddled !eneath a si#n that read ',0, Trans$ort@,int That ,merica, Aomethin to Aee, 2a!y.( You can go and be safe at our house. I had to say somethin#. I had to sto$ her, or she wo ld !e shot j st li%e the 8N-I $rotesters. <er /redit was !ad eno #h. 'E nice4( I sho ted. 'Ato$ it4 Ato$ r nnin# away "rom me4 -e have to stic% to#ether ri#ht now. -e have to #o home.( 2 t she shoo% o"" my arm and was r nnin# toward the Cenned! j st as the ram$ o" the "erry had started li"tin#. I #ra!!ed her !y one tiny sho lder, and, with the intense "ear o" dislocatin# it, o" hearin# the cr nch that meant I had h rt her, $ lled her toward a second, waitin# !oat, its !rid#e !earin# the le#end =u! H; 'olinari. , !lac% cho$$er circled overhead, its armed #olden !ea% $ointin# in o r direction and then at the island !ristlin# with s%yscra$ers in the immediate distance. 'No4( E nice sho ted, as the Cenned! $ lled away, my "riends, her new hero Noah, a!oard. 'Its o%ay,( I said. '-ell meet them on the other side. /ome on4 8ets #o4( -e clam!ered onto the 'olinari, el!owin# o r way thro #h the yo n# $eo$le and the "amilies, so many "amilies, " ll o" new tears and dryin# tears and ma%eshi"t em!races. '8ENNG,( Nettie Cine teened me, '-<E0E ,0E GOU NO-3( Des$ite all the con" sion, I 6 ic%ly teened her that we were on a "erry to 5anhattan and sa"e "or the moment. 'GOU0 C0IEND NO,< A,CE -IT< GOU3( she wanted to %now, sweet,

solicito s Nettie Cine, concerned even a!o t $eo$le she had never met. Ahe was $ro!a!ly 7lo!alTracin# s in real time. I wrote her he was on a di""erent "erry ! t as sa"e as we were. '-<I/< CE00G3( I told her we were on the =u! H; 'olinari and Noah was on the $ohn %; Cenned!, j st as stray # n"ire o$ened $ !ehind s, th nderin# $ and down <amilton ,ven e, the res ltin# screams snea%in# into my earlo!es and momentarily t rnin# them o"". Dea"ness. /om$lete silence. E nices mo th twisted into cr el words I co ldnt nderstand. The =u! H; 'olinaris o!lon# sno t c t into the warm s mmer water, and we dis$laced o rselves " rio sly in the direction o" 5anhattan, and now more than ever I hated the "alse s$ire o" the 'Creedom( Tower, hated it "or every sin#le reason I co ld thin% o", ! t mostly "or its $romise o" soverei#nty and !r te stren#th, and I wanted to c t my ties with my co ntry and my scowlin#, an#ry #irl"riend and everythin# else that !o nd me to this world. I lon#ed "or the NO; s6 are "eet that !elon#ed to me !y law, and I rejoiced in the h mmin# o" the en#ines as we sailed toward my conce$t o" home. , sin#le raven a$$eared a!ove Noah and ,mys "erry. It lowered its #olden !ea%, and its #olden !ea% t rned oran#e. Two missiles de$arted in ra$id s ccession. One e=$losion, then two> the helico$ter cas ally t rned and "lew !ac% in the direction o" 5anhattan. , moment o" nonscreamin#, o" com$lete I$$IrIt silence, overtoo% the =u! H; 'olinari, older $eo$le holdin# ti#ht to their children, the yo n# $eo$le lost in the $ain o" s ddenly nderstandin# their own e=tinction, tears cold and stin#in# in the sea !ree)e. ,nd then, as the "lames !loomed across the "errys $$er dec%s, as the $ohn %; Cenned! reared $, s$lit into two, disinte#rated into the warm waters, as the "irst $art o" o r lives, the "alse $art, came to an end, the 6 estion we had "or#otten to as% "or so many years was "inally sho ted !y one h s%y voice, sta#e le"t: D<ut wh!&B SECURITY SITUATION IN PROGRESS FROM THE DIARIES OF LENNY ABRAMOV

,U7UAT N Dear Diary, The otter came "or me in a dream. Not the cartoon otter that interro#ated me in 0ome, not the #ra""ito otter I saw on 7rand Atreet, ! t a tr e+to+li"e otter, a hi#h+de"inition mammal, whis%ers, " r, the dam$ness o" the river. <e $ressed his wet $l sh !lac% nose into my chee%, into my ear, %issin# me with it, !lessin# my h n#ry "ace with his hot "amiliar and "amilial salmon !reath, his little m ddy $aws destroyin# the clean white dress shirt I had $ t on "or E nice, !eca se in my dreams I wanted her to love me a#ain, !eca se I wanted her !ac%. ,nd then he s$o%e to me in Noahs voice, in that ed#y, im$ro$er, ! t !asically h mane voice, the voice o" a thwarted scholar. 'Go %now ,mericans #et lonely a!road,( he said, $a sin# to #a #e the loo% on my "ace. '<a$$ens all the time4 Thats why I never leave the !roo% where I was !orn.( Atarin# me $ and down to see i" I "o nd him entertainin#. 'Did yo meet any nice "orei#n $eo$le while yo were a!road.( Not a 6 estion, ! t a statement. Noah had no time "or 6 estions. 'Im still waitin# "or that name, 8eonard or 8enny.( I "elt my dream mo th move to !etray Ca!ri)ia yet a#ain, ! t this time I co ldnt $ry it o$en. The Noah+otter smiled as i" he %new e=actly what %ind o" man I was and wi$ed his whis%ers with a h man $aw. 'Go said MDeAalva.( Noah. Three days a"ter the 0 $t re. Instead o" mo rnin#, instead o" #rie", shallow memories o" s sharin# a joint on the #ravel mo nds o" -ashin#ton A6 are, o r early "riendshi$ as ten o s and #oo"y as a yo n# love a""air. 1olitics on o r ton# es, #irls on o r minds, j st two # ys "rom the s ! r!s, "reshmen at NGU, Noahs already wor%in# on one o" the last novels that will ever see $rint, Im wor%in# on !ein# the "riend o" someone li%e Noah. ,re these memories even real3 This is my li"e now. Dreams, nothin# ! t dreams. Ive !een slee$in# on the co ch. E nice and I have !arely s$o%en since I dra##ed her home and away "rom her #oddamn Tom$%ins 1ar%, "rom whatever or whomever she tho #ht she co ld save. <er mysterio s male "riend3 <er sister3 -hat the hell wo ld Aally !e doin# in the middle o" a !attle"ield3 'I dont thin% this is #oin# to wor%,( I had told E nice o" o r relationshi$ a"ter she had s l%ed in the !edroom "or the !etter $art o" that !lood+soa%ed day. 'I" we cant ta%e care o" each other now, when the world is #oin# to shit, how are we ever #oin# to ma%e it3 E nice4 ,re yo even listenin# to what Im sayin#3 Ive lost one o" my !est "riends. Dont yo want to, li%e, com"ort me3( No res$onse, dead smile, retreat to the !edroom. " basta. The !ooms, !i# and small, "araway and close, the $o ndin# in my head, tracer ro nds a#ainst the overcast moon, tracer ro nds li#htin# $ the secret, hidden $arts o" the city, an entire ! ildin# o" cryin# !a!ies, and, even scarier, the tem$orary a!sence o" those wails. 0elentless. 0elentless. 0elentless. Go can see the ma#enta "lashes even a#ainst the " lly closed c rtains, yo can hear them on yo r s%in. ,t ni#ht, the so nd o" metallic scra$in# comin# o"" the river, li%e two !ar#es slowly crashin# a#ainst each other. -hen I o$en a window, the stran#e !loom o" "lowers and ! rnt leaves hits my nose@a sweet, dense rot, li%e the co ntryside a"ter a storm. Oddly eno #h, no car alarms. I listen "or the com"ort+"ood so nds o" am! lances $res ma!ly r shin# to %ee$ $eo$le alive@ every "ew min tes the "irst day a"ter the 0 $t re, then every "ew ho rs, then nothin#. 5y I$$IrIt isnt connectin#. I cant connect. No ones I$$IrIti are wor%in# anymore. 'Its an NNE51,( all the thirtysomethin# 5edia wi)ards han#in# o t in the lo!!y o" o r ! ildin# are sayin# with "inality. , Nonn clear Electroma#netic 1 lse. The Fene) elans m st have detonated it hi#h a!ove the city. Or the /hinese. 8i%e anyone %nows. 8i%e theres any di""erence !etween the 6 ality o" 'news( since the 5edias #one o t. Fene) elans detonatin# somethin# other than an are$a.

@hatever, as E nice wo ld say, i" she still s$o%e to me. I $oint my I$$IrIt o t the hal"+o$ened window, tryin# to catch a si#nal. I cant reach my $arents. I cant connect to -est! ry. I cant connect to Fishn . I cant connect to 7race. ,nd nothin# "rom Nettie Cine. /om$lete radio silence since Noahs "erry e=$loded. ,ll I have is the -a$ach n# /ontin#ency emer#ency scroll. 'AE/U0ITG AITU,TION IN 10O70EAA. 0E5,IN IN DO5I/I8E. -,TE0: ,F,I8,28E. E8E/T0I/ITG: A1O0,DI/. KEE1 L11L0LT CU88G /<,07ED IC 1OAAI28E. ,-,IT INAT0U/TIONA.( In the ne=t room, shes cryin#. Im so scared. I have no one. E nice, E nice, E nice. -hy m st yo !rea% my heart, a#ain and a#ain3 Cive days a"ter the 0 $t re, instr ctions. -,1,/<UN7 /ONTIN7EN/G E5E07EN/G 5EAA,7E: AE/U0ITG AITU,TION 8O-E0P5ID+5,N<,TT,N I510OFED. 18E,AE 0E1O0T TO GOU0 DIFIAION <E,DQU,0TE0A. I $ t on a shirt and $ants, "eelin# !oth scared and cele!ratory. The air conditioner had #one o t and I had !een livin# in my nderwear, which made the $ants "eel li%e armor and the shirt li%e a shro d. E nice was sittin# !y the %itchen ta!le, starin# a!sently at her non" nctional I$$IrIt. I have never smelled nwashed hair o"" her, ! t there it was, as stron# as anythin# in the hal"+dead re"ri#erator. ,nd that so"tened me "or some reason, made me want to "or#ive her, to "ind her a#ain, !eca se whatever ha$$ened !etween s had nothin# to do with me. 'I have to #o to wor%,( I said, %issin# her on the "orehead, not a"raid to inhale what she had !ecome. Ahe loo%ed $ at me "or the "irst time in a h ndred ho rs, eyes cr sted over. 'To see Joshie3( she said. 'Ges,( I said. Ahe nodded. I stood there li%e a Ja$anese salaryman in my overwarm $ants and sti"lin# shirt, waitin# "or more. 2 t it wo ldnt come. 'I still love yo ,( I said. No res$onse, ! t no dead smile either. 'I thin% we !oth really tried to ma%e this wor%. 2 t were j st too di""erent. Dont yo thin%3( ,nd then, !e"ore she co ld s mmon an emotion and deny it in the same !reath, I le"t. O tside, the streets were nearly em$ty. ,ll the ca!s had "led to wherever ca!s come "rom, and that a!sence o" movin# yellow made 5anhattan "eel as still and silent as Ka! l d rin# Criday $rayers. The /redit 1oles were ! rned $ and down 7rand Atreet, and they loo%ed li%e $rehistoric trees a"ter the #laciers retreated, their colored li#hts sa##in# down in a row o" inverted $ara!olas, the racist /redit si#ns ato$ them torn down and ri$$ed a$art, coatin# the windshields o" cars li%e old washra#s. ,n old Econoline van with a ! m$er stic%er that read '5y Da #hter Is a U.A. 5arine in Fene) ela( had also !een torched "or some reason@it lay on its !ac% in the middle o" the street, imitatin# a dead water ! #. The ,+OK 1i))a Ahac% was o$en ! t had !oarded $ its windows, as had the local ,ra! !ode#a, the words '-E ,//E1T ON8G GU,N AO00G 2UT -E ,8AO <,8C TO E,T( stenciled alon# each !it o" card!oard. 2 t, otherwise, the nei#h!orhood loo%ed remar%a!ly intact, the lootin# minimal. The dee$ h sh o" the mornin# a"ter a "ailed third+world co $ see$ed $ "rom the streets and coated the silent towers. I was $ro d o" New Gor%, now more than ever, "or it had s rvived somethin# another city wo ld have not: its own ra#e. The C train entrance was st ""ed with #ar!a#e, the s !ways clearly o t. I wal%ed $ 7rand, a lone man "eelin# the density o" , # st alon# with the stran#e h n#er o" !ein# alive, wonderin# what wo ld come ne=t. Cor one thin#, I needed real money, not dollars. O tside my /hinatown <A2/ !ranch, a dra#ons tail o" $oor middle+class /hinese "ol% waited to hear the verdict on their li"e savin#s. I wondered i" these r ined older men and women, the Tai /hi $ractitioners o" Aeward 1ar% with their three+y an trainers and mottled !ald s$ots, co ld "ind a way to re$atriate to the now wealthier land o" their !irth. -o ld they even !e welcomed !ac%3 -o ld E nices $arents !e i" they decided to ret rn to Korea3 I stood in line "or an ho r, listenin# to a /ari!!ean man dressed in head+to+toe denim, his crac%ed s%in #listenin# with $atcho li, sin# to s his ta%e on the world. ',ll these -a$ach n# $eo$le, all these Ataatlin $eo$le, they ta%in the money and r nnin. They messin $ the economy, they messin $ o r $oc%ets. This is e=tortion. This is 5a"ia doin. -hy they shoot that "erry down3 -ho control who3 Thats what I as%in yo . ,nd yo %now we never "ine o t the answer, !eca se we little $eo$le.( I wanted to #ive the man an answer he co ld live with, ! t my throat remained !lan%, even as my mind was r nnin#. Not now, not now. Aave the 6 estions "or Joshie. 5y !an% acco nt was still !i# eno #h to warrant a s$ecial teller, an old 7ree% woman im$orted "rom a ransac%ed ,storia !ranch, who laid it all o t "or me. Everythin# I owned that had !een y an+$e##ed was relatively intact, ! t my ,merican5ornin# $ort"olio@8andO8a%es, ,llied-aste/FA, and the "ormer con#lomeration o" cement, steel, and services that had once "ormed an advanced economy@no lon#er e=isted. Co r h ndred tho sand y an, two years o" sel"+denial and !ad ti$$in# at resta rants, all #one. To#ether with the E nice+related e=$endit res o" the $ast month, I was down to 1,19;,;;; y an. Crom the stand$oint o" immortality, I was already on the mort ary sla!. Crom the stand$oint o" s rvival, the new #old standard "or all ,mericans, I was doin# j st "ine. I too% o t two tho sand y an, /hairman 5aos solid "ace and remar%a!le hairline starin# !ac% at me "rom the h ndred+note c rrency, and hid the !ills in my soc%. 'Go re the richest man in /hinatown,( the teller snorted. '7o home to yo r "amily.( 5y "amily. <ow were they s rvivin#3 -hat had ha$$ened on 8on# Island3 -o ld I ever hear the war!le o" their an=io s !irdson# a#ain3 On a street corner I saw a man "la##in# down a car, then !ar#ainin# over the $rice o" a ride. 5y "ather had told me this is how he sed to #et aro nd 5oscow when he was yo n#, once even "la##in# down a $olice car, its ca$tain loo%in# to ma%e a r !le. I st c% o t my hand, and a <y ndai 1ersimmon dec%ed o t in all thin#s /olom!ian $ lled $ to me. I ne#otiated twenty y an to the U$$er East Aide, and "or the ne=t "ew min tes the city slid $ast me, dem re and em$ty a#ainst the o tra#eo sly joyo s salsa that colored the inside o" the <y ndai. 5y driver was somethin# o" an entre$rene r and on the way over sold me a hy$othetical !a# o" rice that wo ld !e delivered to my a$artment !y his co sin <ector. 'I sed to !e scared o" thin#s !e"ore,( he said, $ llin# down his s n#lasses to show me his slee$less eyes, their !rown or!s swimmin# in the colors o" the "irst and last !ars o" the /olom!ian "la#, '! t now I see what o r #overnment is. Nothin# inside4 8i%e wood. Go !rea% it o$en, nothing. Ao now Im #oin# to live my li"e. ,nd

Im #oin# to ma%e some money. 0eal money. +hinese money.( I tried to !e his "riend and economic con"idant "or the d ration o" the ride, sayin#, '5hh+mm, mhh+mm,( in the s al noncommittal tone I se with $eo$le I have nothin# in common with, ! t when we #ot to my destination, he hit the !ra%es. 'Salte0 hi*ue uta)( he sho ted. 'O t4 O t4 O t4( I clam!ered o t o" the car, which s6 ealed immediately in the o$$osite direction, the "are le"t ncollected. The street was " ll o" National 7 ard. I had not seen any military on the streets since I le"t my a$artment, ! t the 1ost+< man Aervices syna#o# e was entirely s rro nded !y armored $ersonnel carriers and 7 ardsmen, whom my I$$IrIt cheer" lly identi"ied as -a$ach n# /ontin#ency. &In "act, $on closer ins$ection, the National 7 ard "la#s and insi#nia were almost com$letely scra$ed o"" their vehicles and ni"orms> now these men were $ re -a$ach n#.* They were $rotectin# the doors o" the ! ildin# "rom a rioto s horde o" yo n# $eo$le, a$$arently o r j st+"ired em$loyees, o r !ea ti" l Daltons, 8o#ans, and <eaths, o r ,vas, ,idens, and Jaidens, who had tormented me in the Eternity 8o n#e and were now massed a#ainst Joshies syna#o# e, the very so rce o" their identity, their e#o, their dreams. 5y nemesis Darryl, the AUK DIK # y, was j m$in# aro nd li%e a loc st on "ire, tryin# to #et my attention. '8enny4( he sho ted to me, as I wal%ed $ to the 7 ardsmen at the door, had my I$$IrIt scanned, and was c rtly nodded admission. 'Tell Joshie this isnt "air4 Tell Joshie Ill wor% "or hal"+salary. Im sorry i" I h rt yo r "eelin#s4 I was #oin# to stand $ "or yo at the 5iso 1i#+O t in Novem!er. /ome on, 8enny4( I #lanced at them "rom the to$ ste$ o" the syna#o# es entrance. <ow $er"ect they loo%ed. <ow a!sol tely stri%in# and $+to+ the+min te and yo n#. Even in the middle o" calamity, their ne ro+enhanced minds were wor%in# with alacrity, tryin# to solve the $ ))le, tryin# to #et !ac% in. They had !een $re$ared "rom an evol tionary $ers$ective to lead e=alted lives, and now civili)ation was "oldin# $ aro nd them. O" all the rotten l c%4 ,nd then I was inside, the main sanct ary jammed !y " rther 7 ardsmen in " ll !attle re#alia. The 2oards were tic%in# madly as the ! l% o" o r sta"" were #ettin# their T0,IN /,N/E8ED. The so nd o" "la$s t rnin# on "ive !oards at once made it so nd as i" #an#s o" $i#eons had "lown into o r head6 arters to en#a#e in win#ed com!at. I stood !e"ore one o" the stained+#lass windows de$ictin# the tri!e o" J dah, re$resented here !y a lion and crown, and "or the "irst time considered the "act that to several tho sand $eo$le this had once !een a tem$le. , small remnant o" o r sta"" still ha nted the o""ices, ! t their conversations were " nereal and dense. No mention o" $< levels or 'Amart2lood( or '!eta treatments.( The word 'tri#lyceride( did not echo in the !athroom where we 1ost+< man Aervices men too% o r len#thy or#anic shits, strainin# to !e "ree o" whatever #reenery tormented s. On the way $ to Joshies, I sto$$ed !y Kelly Nardls des%. Em$ty. 7one. I reached instinctively "or my I$$IrIt to shoot her a messa#e, ! t then reali)ed all o tside transmissions had ceased. ,$ro$os o" nothin#, I "elt scared "or my $arents a#ain. Two National 7 ardsmen stood o tside Joshies o""ice. The emer#ency "eed o" my I$$IrIt m st have alerted them to my im$ortance, !eca se they ste$$ed aside and o$ened the door "or me. There he was. Joshie. 2 dni%. (a i chulo. Under sie#e in his minimalist o""ice as the yo n# voices o tside !rayed "or his Amart2lood. I made o t the ncreative and j venile '<ey, hey P <o, ho, P Joshie 7old" c%s #otta #o,( and the m ch more h rt" l 'O r jo!s are #one, P O r dreams !een sold, P 2 t one day, jer%, P Go will #et old.( Joshie was wearin# a #old y an sym!ol aro nd his nec%, tryin# to loo% yo n#, ! t his $ost re loo%ed em!attled, the s%in o" his earlo!es sa##ed in a $ec liar way, and a Nile delta o" $ r$le veins ran down the le"t side o" his nose. -hen we h ##ed, the sli#ht tremor o" his hands !eat a#ainst my !ac%. '<ows E nice3( he said immediately. 'Ahes $set,( I said. 'Ahe thin%s her sister may have !een in Tom$%ins 1ar%, "or some reason. Ahe cant #et in to ch with her "amily in Jersey. Theres a chec%$oint at the 7eor#e -ashin#ton. Theyre not lettin# anyone $ass. ,nd shes an#ry with me. I mean, were act ally not s$ea%in# to each other.( '7ood, #ood,( Joshie m m!led, starin# o t the window. '-hat a!o t yo 3 <ow are yo ta%in# all this3( '5inor set!ac%,( he said. '5inor set!ac%3 Its the "all o" the 0oman Em$ire o t there.( 'Dont !e dramatic, chi$m n%,( Joshie said. 'Im #oin# to $ay o"" these yo n# ! c%s with $re"erred stoc%, and when were !ac% on o r "eet Ill rehire them all.( ,s he s$o%e, his ener#y ret rned, his earlo!es act ally ti#htened $ and moved into $osition. '<ey, listen, 0hes s4( he said. 'I !et this is #oin# to !e #ood "or s in the lon# r n. This is a controlled demise "or the co ntry, a $lanned !an%r $tcy. 8i6 idate la!or, li6 idate stoc%s, li6 idate everythin# ! t real estate. 0 !ensteins j st a "i# rehead at this $oint. The /on#ress is j st "or show: M8oo%, we still have a /on#ress4 Now more res$onsi!le $arties are #oin# to ste$ in. ,ll that st "" a!o t Fene) elan and /hinese warshi$s is all ! n%. No!odys #oin# to invade. 2 t what will ha$$en, and I #ot this "rom relia!le so rces, is that the International 5onetary C nd will s%edaddle "rom D./., $ossi!ly to Ain#a$ore or 2eijin#, and then theyre #oin# to ma%e an I5C recovery $lan "or ,merica, divide the co ntry into concessions, and hand them over to the soverei#n wealth " nds. Norway, /hina, Aa di ,ra!ia, all that ja)).( 'No more ,merica3( I as%ed, not really carin# a!o t the answer. I j st wanted to !e sa"e. 'C c% that. , better ,merica. The Norsemen, the /hinese, theyre #oin# to want ret rns on their investment. Theyre #oin# to want to clear o t o r tro$hy cities o" all the ri""ra"" with no /redit and ma%e them real li"estyle h !s. ,nd whos #oin# to $ro"it "rom that3 Ataatlin#+-a$ach n#, thats who. 1ro$erty, sec rity, and then s. Immortality. The 0 $t res created a whole new demand "or not dyin#. I can see Atatoil<ydro, the Norwe#ians, #ettin# to#ether with Ataatlin#. 5ay!e a mer#er4 Geah, thats the way to do it. The Norwe#ians have e ros and renmin!i to ! rn.( '-hat do yo mean, #et rid o" all the ri""ra"" with no /redit3( '0elocate them.( <e too% an e=cited si$ o" #reen tea. 'This towns not "or everyone. -e have to !e com$etitive. That means doin# more with less. 2alancin# o r led#ers.( ', !lac% man at my !an% said its all Ataatlin#+-a$ach n#s "a lt,( I said, tryin# to ta$ into the li!eral hierarchy o" 'a !lac%

man said.( '-hats o r "a lt3( 'I dont %now. -e !om!ed the "erry. Three h ndred dead. 5y "riend Noah. 0emem!er what yo told me ri#ht !e"ore the 0 $t re. That Fishn and 7race were #oin# to !e o%ay. 2 t yo said yo didnt %now who Noah was.( '-hat are yo sayin#3( Joshie leaned in, el!ows on his des%. ',re yo acc sin# me o" somethin#3( I %e$t 6 iet, $layed the role o" the h rt son. '8oo%, Im sorry that yo r "riend is dead,( Joshie went on. ',ll these deaths were tra#ic. The "erry, the $ar%s. O!vi. 2 t at the same time, who were all these 5edia $eo$le, what did they !rin# to the ta!le3( I co #hed into my hand, a $ain" l chill across my !ody, as i" an ice!er# had sta!!ed me in the an s. I had never told $oshie that Noah was 'edia. 'A$readin# seless r mors. Aec re Acreenin# Cacilities U$state. Geah, ri#ht. 0 !ensteins #overnment co ldnt or#ani)e a clam!a%e on a m ssel shoal. 8enny, yo %now the score. Go re not d m!. -ere wor%in# on somethin# im$ortant here. -eve $ t so m ch into this $lace. Go and I. ,nd loo% at it now. Its a real #ame+chan#er. -hoevers in char#e tomorrow, Norwe#ians, /hinese, they want what we #ot. This isnt some st $id I$$IrIt a$$. This is eternity. This is the heart o" the creative economy.( 'C c% the creative economy,( I said, witho t thin%in#. 'Theres no "ood downtown.( One instant. <is hand. 5y chee%. The $arameters o" the world movin# si=ty de#rees to the le"t and then ! ))in# into stillness. I "elt my own hand risin# to my "ace witho t %nowin# I had moved it. <e had sla$$ed me. I s $$ose the memory o" the "irst $aternal sla$ s r"aced somewhere in the !ac% $oc%et o" my so l, 1a$a ,!ramovs hand $artin# the air !e"ore it, the wide !o=er stance o" his "eet as i" he were #oin# a"ter a two+h ndred+$o nd !r iser and not a nine+year+ old %id, ! t "or some reason all I co ld thin% a!o t was that I wo ld t rn "orty in Novem!er. In three months I wo ld !e a "orty+year+ old man who had j st !een sla$$ed !y his "riend, his !oss, his secondary "ather. ,nd then I was $on him. ,cross the des%, its shar$ rid#es slicin# at my stomach, the scr "" o" his sil%y !lac% T+shirt in !oth o" my hands, his "ace, his h mid, scared "ace thr st into mine, the #entle !rownness o" his eyes, the e=$ressiveness, that " nny Jewish "ace that co ld t rn sad on a dime, everythin# we had done to#ether, all those !attle $lans hatched over trays o" sa""lower+oil+"ried ve#an samosas. One hand let #o o" his T+shirt, a "ist was coc%ed. I either did this or didnt. I either chose this "inal $ath or $ t my "ist down. 2 t what did I have other than Joshie3 /o ld he still $ ll this to#ether a"ter everythin# that had ha$$ened3 Didnt the 0enaissance event ally "ollow the "all o" 0ome3 /o ld I really $ nch this man3 I had waited too lon#. Joshie was #ently removin# my remainin# hand "rom his T+shirt. 'Im sorry,( he said. 'Im so sorry. Oh my 7od. I cant !elieve I did that. Its the stress. Im stressed. 5y cortisol levels. Jes s. Tryin# to $ t on a !rave "ace. 2 t o" co rse Im scared too.( I !ac%ed o"". 5oved to the ed#e o" the room li%e a $ nished child, "elt the al$ha rays o" Joshies "i!er#lass 2 ddha stro%in# my !ein#. 'O%ay, o%ay,( Joshie was sayin#. '7o home "or the day. 7ive my love to E nice. Tell Joe Achechter o tside I can ta%e him !ac% at hal"+$ay, ! t Darryl is "inished. /ome !ac% tomorrow. -ere #ot so m ch wor% ahead. I need yo too, yo %now. Dont loo% at me li%e that. O" co rse I need yo .( I sto$$ed !y the ,+OK 1i))a Ahac%, and cleared o t the "ew thin#s they had le"t, three $recio s $i))as and cal)ones warm to the to ch, all "or si=ty y an. ,s I ste$$ed o tside, the li#ht hit me, the Noah li#ht, the li#ht that "loods the city and leaves nothin# ! t itsel", the r!an ra$t re. I closed my eyes, thin%in# that when I o$ened them the last wee% wo ld sim$ly "all away. Instead, what I saw was that a!omina!le creat re. That " c%in# otter, ri#ht in the middle o" 7rand Atreet, chewin# on somethin# in the as$halt. I #ra!!ed a heavy cal)one, ready to cl ! my " rry anta#onist. 2 t no, it wasnt an otter. It was j st someones esca$ed $et ra!!it enjoyin# the new solit de, "eastin# on his street meal while s$asmodically !r shin# !ac% his ears with one $aw, remindin# me o" Noah enjoyin# the " llness o" his hair. The clo ds came, and Noahs r!an li#ht t rned to shadow the density o" slate. 5y "riend was #one. , $air o" shoe+"illed s itcases awaited me !y the door, ! t E nice hersel" was in neither the livin# room nor the !edroom. -as she "inally movin# o t3 I searched N;; o" the NO; s6 are "eet that constit ted my nest@nothin#. Cinally, I was cl ed in !y the r nnin# water in the !athroom and, once I strained my hearin# !eyond the whir o" a $assin# helico$ter, the so"t wailin# o" a !ro%en woman. I o$ened the door. Ahe was sh dderin# and hicc $$in#, two !ottles o" s$ent 1residente !eer !y her "eet and the remainder o" a hal"+drained !ottle o" vod%a. Do not #ive in to $ity, I told mysel". <old the an#er o" the $ast wee%, hold it ti#ht in yo r chest. 0ise a!ove the rit al h miliations. Go re the richest man in /hinatown. Ahe has done nothin# "or yo . Go can do !etter. 8et the world "all a$art, there is more to !e #ained in solit de now. Untether yo rsel" "rom this ei#hty+si=+$o nd al!atross. 0emem!er how she wo ldnt com"ort yo a"ter Noah had died. 'I tho #ht we werent s $$osed to drin% anythin# #rain+!ased,( I told E nice, noddin# at the s$ent alcohol, the most I have ever seen her drin%. The '" c% yo ( I had e=$ected didnt come. <er sha%in# contin ed, steady as a dyin# animal th m$in# a#ainst the chea$ly tiled !athroom "loor. Ahe was whis$erin# in En#lish and Korean. 'A a, why3( she !eseeched her "ather. Or may!e it was merely her non+" nctionin# I$$IrIt. I never reali)ed the similarity !etween the device that r led o r world and the Korean word "or '"ather.( The T+shirt she was wearin#, an ironic '2a#hdad To rist , thority( tee, was my own, and that stran#e connection@E nice covered in my own #ar!@made me want to "old my own arms aro nd her, made me want to "eel mysel" on her. I $ic%ed her $@even the small wei#ht o" her $inched my $rostate, ! t the rest o" me "elt !lessed@and carried her to o r !ed, catchin# a whi"" o" her alcohol !reath alon# with the straw!erry inte#rity o" her j st+washed hair. Ahe had washed "or me. 'I !ro #ht $i))a,( I said. ',nd s$inach cal)ones.

Thats all thats o t there ri#ht now. Nothin# or#anic.( Ahe was sh dderin# with s ch intensity that I #rew worried "rom a medical stand$oint. <er !ody, that nothing, shoo% in little ro nd motions o" s$ent ener#y. I to ched her !la)in# "orehead. 'Its o%ay,( I said. '<ave some 5otrin. Eat a $i))a. Drin% water. ,lcohol ma%es yo dehydrated.( 'I %now that,( she whis$ered in !etween sh dders, and I ho$ed that may!e it was a si#n o" her dis$leas re ret rnin#. 2 t she contin ed to 6 iver, her "ace a $ale "rec%led mas% twisted to the le"t as i" !y sei) re. , child, j st a child. '8en,( she s$o%e. -ater $ooled inside the dim$le o" her chin. '8enny. Im B( Ahe was sorry. J st li%e Joshie. , decision was drawin# $on me. , "inal one. 5y li$s $ rsed to "orm the "irst words o" a "ate" l sentence. I held them $ rsed "or now. I s $$ose I co ld have started tellin# her a!o t all the di""erent ways in which she needed to chan#e in order "or s to !e ha$$y to#ether, ! t it wo ld !e $ointless. I had either to acce$t the #irl cradled in my arms, or to s$end the rest o" my time searchin# "or somethin# else. <er trem!lin# increased, and she t rned aro nd in my #ras$, lettin# me "eel the heavy !eatin# o" her s$ine a#ainst my chest. I co ld see her !ones dra$ed within my T+shirt, and in her conv lsions I made o t the dynamic as$ects o" her s%eleton. Ahe wailed "rom a $lace so dee$ that I co ld only connect it with somewhere across the seas, and "rom a time when o r nations were !arely "ormed. Cor the "irst time since wed met, I reali)ed that E nice 1ar%, nli%e others o" her #eneration, was not com$letely ahistorical. I cradled the so"tness o" her !ehind, her one concession to !ein# a woman. It steadied her, my o$en+$almed to ch. I moved down and $o$$ed o"" her TotalA rrenders. The taste was the same as always@not sweet li%e honey, as r!an m sicians may claim, ! t m s%y and thic% and va# ely rinary. I $ t my mo th aro nd her, and j st lay there motionless, waitin# "or the tremors to s !side, "or slee$ to come to !oth o" s, "or#ettin# the $i))a+h n#er #nawin# at my center. I was thin%in# a!o t the word 'tr th.( -hatever else co ld !e said o" E nice 1ar%, she was $er"ectly tr e. DATING TIPS FROM THE GLOBALTEENS ACCOUNT OF EUNICE PARK

AUGUST 4 EUNI+T,0D 34 ,_I_,05G+INCO: David, are yo there3 Oh my #od4 I saw the last 5edia streams. Go were !leedin#. Go r "ace. ,nd yo r arm. 5y $oor David. I almost $assed o t. I tried to #et to Tom$%ins A6 are, I swear I did, ! t I j st co ldnt. They wo ldnt let me thro #h. ,re yo o%ay3 -,A 5G AIATE0 IN T<E 1,0K -IT< GOU333 I %now she #oes on the wee%ends sometimes. 1lease #et !ac% to me as soon as yo can. I still !elieve in yo . I still thin% o" what yo ta #ht me a!o t my li"e and a!o t my "ather, yo r O!ject 8essons and yo r O!servations. Go were ri#ht a!o t everythin#. Im not #oin# to #ive in to <i#h Net -orth thin%in#. Im #oin# to do thin#s to ma%e yo $ro d. Im a "i#hter and Im never #oin# to sto$ "i#htin#. David, tal% to me4 8ove, E nice 78O2,8TEENA ,UTO5,TI/ E00O0 5EAA,7E ;11D1111: -e are AO TOTT,8G sorry "or the inconvenience. -e are e=$eriencin# connectivity iss es in the "ollowin# location: NEGO0K, NG, U.A.,. 1lease !e $atient and the $ro!lem sho ld resolve itsel" li%e whenever. Cree 7lo!alTeens Datin# Ti$: 7 ys love it when yo la #h at their jo%es. 2 t nothin#s less se=y than when yo try to o tdo them !y !ein# a la""+ho# yo rsel"4 -hen he ma%es a jo%e, smile so that he can see yo r teeth and how m ch yo 'want( him, then say, 'Go re so " nny4( Go ll !e s c%in# crotch in no time, !etch. EUNI+T,0D 34 70I882IT/<: 1ony, are yo there3 -hats #oin# on3 Ive !een tryin# to ver!al yo "or a wee%, my I$$IrIt cant connect on T,8K or AT0E,5, all I #et is some error messa#e which is "rea%in# me o t. -rite me !ac%. I miss yo . Im worried a!o t yo . I miss yo AO m ch. -hats ha$$enin# over there3 -as there shootin# in <ermosa too3 -hat ha$$ened to yo r dads "actory3 -rite to me NO-4 Im worried, Jenny Kan#. Tal% to me, sweet 1recio s 1ony. ,ll Im doin# now is cryin#. I dont %now whats ha$$enin# with my "amily. I dont %now what ha$$ened to my "riend David. I thin% 8enny doesnt want me anymore. I thin% weve totally !ro%en $, only he cant send me $ac%in# !eca se o" the sit ation. 1lease write or T,8K me !ac%. I dont want to !e alone and Im scared. Go re my !est "riend. 78O2,8TEENA ,UTO5,TI/ E00O0 5EAA,7E ;11D1111: -e are AO TOTT,8G sorry "or the inconvenience. -e are e=$eriencin# connectivity iss es in the "ollowin# location: <E05OA, 2E,/<, /,, U.A.,. 1lease !e $atient and the $ro!lem sho ld resolve itsel" li%e whenever. Cree 7lo!alTeens Datin# Ti$: Dont ever "old yo r arms in "ront o" yo r date. That says that yo dont " lly a#ree with what hes sayin# or may!e yo re not into his data. Instead $ t yo r hands o t in "ront o" yo , $alms o$en, li%e yo want to !e c $$in# his !alls4 7et a de#ree in 2ody 8an# a#e, #irl"riend, and yo ll !e #ivin# head to the class. EUNI+T,0D 34 /<UN7.-ON.1,0K: 5om4 <ello there. 5om, Im worried. I tried to ver!al yo and Aally, ! t I cant connect. I j st wanted yo to %now that Im "ine. They werent ever shootin# o r ! ildin# which is Jewish. I need yo ri#ht now, 5om. I %now yo re still mad at me !eca se o" 8enny, ! t I need to %now that yo re all ri#ht. J st tell me yo and Dad and Aally are all ri#ht. 78O2,8TEENA ,UTO5,TI/ E00O0 5EAA,7E ;11D1111:

-e are AO TOTT,8G sorry "or the inconvenience. -e are e=$eriencin# connectivity iss es in the "ollowin# location: CO0T 8EE, NJ, U.A.,. 1lease !e $atient and the $ro!lem sho ld resolve itsel" li%e soon. AUGUST ! EUNI+T,0D 34 70I882IT/<: <i Jenny. I # ess Im j st #oin# to #et an error messa#e a"ter I send this, ! t I want to write to yo anyway in the ho$e that yo ll #et it, i" not now, then someday. I wont !elieve that yo re #one li%e 8ennys "riend Noah. I cant and I wont, !eca se yo mean so m ch to me. Ao let me tell yo whats #oin# on with my li"e. Its !een very hard here, ! t I thin% Ive "or#iven 8enny. I j st have to acce$t the "act that David and everyone else in the $ar% is #one, even tho #h I %now, I j st KNO-, that Aally wasnt there. I have to acce$t that there was nothin# I co ld have done to save David and his $eo$le, and that it wasnt 8ennys "a lt, he was j st tryin# to #et s to sa"ety. Oh, sweet 1recio s 1ony. I thin% I loved David in a way that I cant really even descri!e. O" co rse we were com$letely mismatched, ! t 8enny and I are mismatched too. 5y dad was %ind to me a"ter he saw me and David in the $ar%, !eca se all three o" s were in it to#ether, doin# somethin# "or a #reater #ood, and its li%e my dad A,- that no matter how " c%ed $ I am Im !asically #ood too and theres no reason to hate me. Its so /hristian+so ndin#, ! t I # ess I have it too, this thin# that Aally does. ,n instinct to hel$, I # ess. I dont %now, I dont %now, ! t yesterday, when 8enny and I had se=, I co ldnt loo% him in the eyes. <e was $o%in# me with his ch !!y stomach and I %e$t thin%in# a!o t how m ch Ive lost and how m ch Im still #oin# to lose, and I "elt AO00G !e"ore David, li%e I was cheatin# on him. ,nd that made me want to cheat on 8enny, I # ess. Its not li%e 8ennys !een doin# anythin# !ad. <es #ot y an in the !an%, so theres $i))a and cal)ones and my ass is act ally #ettin# even "atter. -ere s rvivin# and its all than%s to 8enny. I ho$e, sweet 1ony, that someone is carin# "or yo the way hes !een carin# "or me. There are also all these old mostly Jewish $eo$le in the ! ildin# and no one really loo%s o t "or them and its li%e 1;; de#rees this wee% and theres not eno #h electricity "or the ,/ so we have to #o aro nd and #et them water. Im tryin# to #et 8enny to hel$ me ! y $ !ottles "rom the !ode#as !eca se theres rationin#. <es tryin# to hel$ I # ess, ! t hes too timid to #et the jo! done. -hite $eo$le dont really care a!o t old $eo$le, e=ce$t "or David who tried to hel$ everyone. ,nd then they shot him li%e a do#. 78O2,8TEENA ,UTO5,TI/ E00O0 5EAA,7E -,1,/<UN7 /ONTIN7EN/G E5E07EN/G 5EAA,7E: Aender: Joshie 7oldmann, 1ost+< man Aervices, ,dministrative 0eci$ient: E nice 1ar% E nice, Im #oin# to !e sendin# yo these messa#es on an emer#ency "re6 ency, which were $i##y!ac%in# on 8ennys I$$IrIt. This is j st !etween yo and me, o%ay3 Dont even tell 8enny, hes #ot eno #h on his $late. ,t this $oint I want yo to con"irm that yo re #ettin# this messa#e and that yo re sa"e. 8et me %now i" theres ,NGT<IN7 I can do "or yo . =o Joshie AUGUST 2+ EUNI+T,0D 34 70I882IT/<: Aorry I havent written in a while. I # ess Im a little de$ressed. Thin#s are m ch !etter !etween me and 8enny, ! t still I "eel li%e the ta!les have t rned. Now that 8enny almost d m$ed me, I "eel o t o" control. Its li%e Im na%ed or somethin#, witho t armor. I worry that hes #oin# to $ nish me "or all the times I didnt " lly love him. 5ay!e I sho ld $ nish him "irst3 <is !oss Joshie %ee$s sendin# me messa#es on this -a$ach n# emer#ency "re6 ency chec%in# $ on me, ! t I dont %now what to do. The thin# is, I %ind o" "ind Joshie attractive in a manly, older way. I # ess Im $hysically attracted to his %ind o" stron# $ersonality. <es li%e David, always ready to ta%e char#e when the $eo$le he loves are threatened. ,nyway, I s$end hal" the day waitin# "or an emer#ency messa#e "rom Joshie. Is that totally wron#3 Im s ch a !ad #irl"riend. 2 t Ive also !een thin%in#. 5ay!e David was wron# a!o t everythin# in the end3 5ay!e there isnt #oin# to !e an ,ct Two "or ,merica li%e he said. 5ay!e yo were ri#ht a!o t him. 5ay!e he was j st a dreamer and wo ld never !e a!le to loo% o t "or me and my "amily. 2 t i" not him, then who3 8enny3 Aometimes I "eel # ilty that Im not more o" an accom$lished $erson, !eca se then I co ld hel$ my sister and my mother. 5ay!e I sho ld as% Joshie a!o t what I sho ld do, i" he can chec% $ on my "amily somehow. U#h, how " c%ed am I3 Tell me $lease. -rite me or ver!al me. ,nytime, day or ni#ht, whenever yo #et this, whenever its sa"e to write or holler !ac%. I need to hear yo r voice, 1ony o" my heart. Tell me Im not alone. 78O2,8TEENA ,UTO5,TI/ E00O0 5EAA,7E AUGUST 22 EUNI+T,0D 34 /<UN7.-ON.1,0K: <i, 5ommy. I !et Im #oin# to #et an error messa#e a"ter I write this, ! t I "eel li%e I have to write this anyway. I" yo #et this someday, I j st wanted yo to %now that Im sorry. Go re so close and yet I cant hel$ yo and Aally and dad. I %now yo raised me !etter than that. I %now that i" this were Korea yo d "i# re o t a way to hel$ yo r $arents no matter what the $ersonal sacra"ice. Im j st not a #ood $erson. I dont have any stren#th and I dont have any accom$lishments nder my !elt and Im so so sorry I didnt do !etter on my 8A,T. I wish I %new what my s$ecial $ath was, as 0everend /ho li%es to say. I" Aallys with yo , $lease tell her Im sorry I "ailed her as a sister too. Go r seless da #hter, E nice 78O2,8TEENA ,UTO5,TI/ E00O0 5EAA,7E

-,1,/<UN7 /ONTIN7EN/G E5E07EN/G 5EAA,7E: Aender: Joshie 7oldmann, 1ost+< man Aervices, ,dministrative 0eci$ient: E nice 1ar% <i, E nice. <ow are yo doin#3 8isten, I %now there are some "ood shorta#es downtown, so Im #oin# to send yo a !i# care $ac%a#e. 8oo% "or a !lac% Ataatlin#+-a$ach n# Aervice Jee$ at JNJ 7rand aro nd O$m tomorrow. ,ny s$ecial re6 ests3 I %now yo #irls totally heart or#anic $ean t ! tter and lots o" soy mil% and cereal, ri#ht3 8isten, thin#s are #oin# to #et !etter very soon, I $romise. This whole sit ation is clearin# ri#ht $. <int: 2r sh $ on yo r Norwe#ian and 5andarin. J2C. ,nd # ess what3 That art teacher is #oin# to come "rom 1aris, so we can start $racticin# to#ether at my $lace4 1arsons is o t o" ! siness. I cant wait to see yo a#ain. -ere #onna have so m ch " n, E nice. ,s always, $lease lets %ee$ this o r little secret. -eve #ot a very sensitive 0hes s 5on%ey on o r hands and he mi#ht misconstr e, i" yo %now what I mean. <a ha. AUGUST 23 -,1,/<UN7 /ONTIN7EN/G E5E07EN/G 5EAA,7E: Aender: E nice 1ar% 0eci$ient: Joshie 7oldmann, 1ost+< man Aervices, ,dministrative <i Joshie. I #ot yo r sweet messa#e. Im really e=cited a!o t the "ood $ac%a#e. -eve !een eatin# nothin# ! t car!s and "ats "or the last wee%. Ta$ water is $retty hit or miss and o r local !ode#a ran o t o" !ottled last wee%. ,lso there are some old $eo$le in the ! ildin# who need water and s $$lies and the heat is really !ad "or them, altho #h I worry what will ha$$en when winter comes i" theres not ENOU7< heat. Than%s so m ch4 Ges, I totally heart cereal &Amart Atart is my "avorite* and or#anic 12. Im sorry to !other yo a!o t this st "", ! t co ld yo $lease "ind o t i" my $arents are o%ay3 I havent heard "rom them since my 7lo!alTeens went o"" and Im s $er worried. Dr. Aam 1ar% and 5rs. /h n#+won 1ar%, 1DO <arold ,ven e, Cort 8ee, NJ ;N;DO. ,lso, I havent heard "rom my !est "riend Jenni"er Kan#, whos at D1; 5yrtle ,ven e, <ermosa 2each, /,, I dont %now the )i$ code. ,lso, my "riend David 8orrin# was in Tom$%ins A6 are when all this st "" ha$$ened, may!e theres some way yo can chec% to see i" hes o%ay. ,#ain, Im so sorry to im$ose on yo li%e this, ! t Im scared o t o" my mind. I thin% it wo ld !e #reat to draw with yo , ! t I wonder i" we sho ld let 8enny %now. <e is a very sensitive 0hes s 5on%ey, as yo say, ! t I thin% i" he ever "o nd o t he wo ld !e very an#ry with me. ,nd he IA my !oy"riend. Than%s "or nderstandin#. Go rs, E nice -,1,/<UN7 /ONTIN7EN/G E5E07EN/G 5EAA,7E: Aender: Joshie 7oldmann, 1ost+< man Aervices, ,dministrative 0eci$ient: E nice 1ar% Amart Atart4 -ow, thats my "avorite cereal too4 Im #lad we have so m ch in common. Go really ta%e care o" yo rsel" and it shows in how !ea ti" l and yo n# yo loo%. Theres a real overla$ !etween o r $hiloso$hies on li"e and stayin# yo n#er and ta%in# care o" onesel", somethin# I thin% weve !oth !een tryin# to instill in 8enny, ! t ltimately I thin% 8ennys imm ne to that. Ive !een tryin# to #et him to thin% a!o t health choices, ! t hes j st really "oc sed on his $arents and worried a!o t T<EI0 death, witho t really nderstandin# what it means to want to live li"e to the " llest, to the "reshest, to the yo n#est. In some ways, yo and I are really "rom the same #eneration o" $eo$le and 8enny is "rom a di""erent world, a $revio s world that was o!sessed with death and not li"e, and was cons med with "ear and not $ositivism. ,nyway, Im #oin# to totally load $ a co $le o" jee$s with s $$lies so yo can have lots o" "ood "or yo rsel" and also "eed and hydrate all those $oor old $eo$le in yo r ! ildin#. I dont %now i" 8enny e=$lained to yo , ! t the 1ost+< man Aervices division I r n is $art o" the same com$any as -a$ach n# /ontin#ency. Ao I tal%ed to some o" the /ontin#ency "ol%s and theyre #oin# to ma%e some in6 iries a!o t yo r $arents. I %now the sit ation in Cort 8ee is very to ch and #o. 2asically, the wee% a"ter the 0 $t re no one had command Y control over there, ! t its not so !ad as in other $arts o" the co ntry, !eca se its ri#ht over the river "rom s. In other words, Im s re theyre o%ay. I co ldnt #et any in"o on <ermosa 2each, /,, e=ce$t there were re$orts o" very heavy small+arms "ire d rin# and a"ter the 0 $t re. Im sorry, E nice. I dont %now i" yo r "riend was in the area at the time o" the "i#htin#. I j st want yo to !e $re$ared "or the worst. I "eel a little st $id writin# this, ! t I want to !e com$letely honest. I really have stron# "eelin#s "or yo , E nice. Crom the moment I met yo , I "elt so "l stered, I tho #ht my mind was a!o t to #o !lan%. It too% me a #ood ten min tes j st to o$en a !ottle o" resveratrol !eca se my hands were sha%in# so m ch4 -hen I saw yo , I remem!ered some o" the worst $arts o" my li"e, some thin#s I sho ldnt really !e tal%in# a!o t over this emer#ency si#nal. 8ets j st say there were some di""ic lt moments, moments that it may ta%e several more li"etimes to #et over &which is why I sim$ly cannot die*, and when I saw yo , ,CTE0 I started !reathin# a#ain &ha ha*, I "elt some o" that wei#ht li"t o"" my sho lders. I "elt li%e I %new what I wanted, not j st "rom eternity, ! t "rom the $resent moment too. ,nd when thin#s #ot !ad recently, it was thin%in# o" yo that %e$t me #oin#. -hat is that e""ect yo have over $eo$le, E nice3 -here does it come "rom3 <ow does yo r smile red ce one o" the most $ower" l men in the hemis$here to a do$ey teena#er3 Its li%e I "eel that to#ether we can redeem whatever misery we enco ntered on this $lanet, whatever aw" lness we "aced as children. ,nyway, I "eel so totally, li%e, weird o$enin# $ my heart li%e this to yo , !eca se what I "eel "or GOU and "or GOU0 C,5I8G IN CO0T 8EE ,ND T<EI0 -E88+2EIN7, is so stron# and witho t reservation, that I "ear it mi#ht ma%e yo r n away "rom me. Im sorry i" thats the case. 2 t i" its not, $lease let me %now and well j st do some drawin# to#ether, no strin#s attached. 2etter than han#in# o t at misera!le JNJ 7rand Atreet, ri#ht3 <a ha ha. 8ove, Go r Joshie FIVE,JIAO MEN

FROM THE DIARIES OF LENNY ABRAMOV

AE1TE52E0 J Dear Diary, 5y I$$IrIt isnt connectin#. I cant connect. Its !een almost a month since my last diary entry. I am so sorry. 2 t I cant connect in any meanin#" l way to anyone, even to yo , diary. Co r yo n# $eo$le committed s icide in o r ! ildin# com$le=es, and two o" them wrote s icide notes a!o t how they co ldnt see a " t re witho t their I$$IrIti. One wrote, 6 ite elo6 ently, a!o t how he 'reached o t to li"e,( ! t "o nd there only 'walls and tho #hts and "aces,( which werent eno #h. <e needed to !e ran%ed, to %now his $lace in this world. ,nd that may so nd ridic lo s, ! t I can nderstand him. -e are all !ored o t o" o r " c%in# minds. 5y hands are itchin# "or connection, I want to connect to my $arents and to Fishn and 7race, I want to mo rn Noah with them. 2 t all I have is E nice and my -all o" 2oo%s. Ao I try to /ele!rate -hat I <ave, one o" my $rime directives. -or% has !een #ood. Kind o" a !l r, ! t even a !l r is !etter than the slow ch rn o" reality. 5ostly I wor% alone at my des% with a hal"+t rned !owl o" miso !y my side. I havent really s$ent time with Joshie since The Ala$. <es o"" somewhere, ne#otiatin# with the I5C or the Norwe#ians or the /hinese or whoever still #ives a damn. <oward Ah , dor% that he is, has !ecome the standard+ !earer "or the "ew o" s still le"t at 1ost+< man. <e wal%s aro nd with an old+"ashioned cli$!oard and act ally tells s what to do. 2e"ore the 0 $t re, we wo ld never have stood "or anythin# so hierarchical, ! t now were j st #lad to have instr ctions, even !ar%ed ones. 5y jo! "or the time !ein# is to send o t -a$ach n# emer#ency "re6 ency messa#es to o r clients, ma%in# s re theyre sa"e, ! t also s !tly chec%in# $ on their ! sinesses, their marria#es, their children, their "inances. 5a%in# s re were sa"e and that o r monthly d es %ee$ comin#. Its not #oin# to !e easy. No ones wor%in#. The teachers arent #ettin# $aid, is what I hear. No school. /hildren set loose and "ree into the di""ic lt new city. I "o nd a Fladec% <o se %id, may!e ten or twelve, sittin# !y the ,ra! !ode#a, lic%in# o t the inside o" an em$ty !a# o" somethin# called '/lc%,( which the $ac%a#in# warned was 'ins$ired !y real chic%en "lava4( -hen I sat down ne=t to him, he co ld !arely li"t his eyes $ to mine. O t o" instinct, I too% o t my I$$IrIt and $ointed it at the %id, as i" that wo ld ma%e thin#s ri#ht. Then I too% o t a !rown twenty+y an note and set it at his "eet. Immediately, his hand darted "or it. The !ill was scr nched into his "ist. The "ist was hidden !ehind his !ac%. <is "ace slowly t rned to "ace mine. The !rown+eyed loo% he #ave me was not one o" #ratit de. The loo% said: 1eave me alone with m! newfound fortune or I will lash out at !ou with the last strength I have. I le"t him there with his "ist !ehind his !ac%, his eyes on my de$artin# "eet. I dont %now whats #oin# on. The city is either com$letely "inished or already shootin# "or redem$tion. New si#ns are #oin# $. 'To rism NG/: ,re GOU 0 $t re+0eady3( and 'New Gor% /it+ay "dgeI Do U <ave -hat It Ta%es D A rvive3( ,s "ar as I can tell, the most si#ni"icant "orms o" em$loyment aro nd 5anhattan are the 'Ataatlin#+-a$ach n# -or%s 1ro#ress( sites $romisin# 'One ho r honest la!or Z J+jiao coin. N tritio s l nch served.( 0ows o" men crac%in# o$en as$halt, di##in# ditches, "illin# in ditches with cement. These "ive+jiao men roam the city, hands in $oc%ets, seless vesti#ial I$$IrIti $l #s in their ears, li%e a $ride o" voiceless lions. Theyre middle+a#ed to yo n#er, s$arse hair !leached !y the s n, tyrannical s n! rns on their "ace and nec%, e=$ensive T+shirts !o #ht in ha$$ier days, new ,ntarcticas o" $ers$iration s$readin# down to the stomach. Ahovels, $ic%s, lo d e=halations, not even #r nts anymore, to save ener#y. I saw Noahs old "riend <art"ord 2rown, who only a "ew months a#o was #ettin# reamed on a yacht in the ,ntilles, wor%in# a "ive+jiao line on 1rince Atreet. <e loo%ed crac%ed, hal" o" him !ron)ed, the other hal" $eelin#, that sli#htly $ d#y "ace o" his devoid o" all te=t re, li%e a thic% slice o" $rosci tto. I" they can ma%e a "a! lo s #ay man wor% li%e that, I tho #ht, what can they do to the rest o" s3 I went $ close to him as he sw n# his $ic%, "elt his ran% odor !atterin# its way into my nostrils. '<art"ord,( I said. 'Its 8enny ,!ramov. Noahs "riend.( , terri!le e=hale "rom a terri!le $lace inside him. '<art"ord4( <e t rned away. Aomeone with a me#a$hone was yellin#, '8ets do #et !ac% to wor%, 2rownie4( I handed him a h ndred+y an note, which he acce$ted, also witho t than%s, and then he went !ac% to swin#in# his $ic%. '<art"ord,( I said. '<ey4 Go dont have to wor% now. , h ndred y an is two h ndred ho rs o" wor%. Ta%e it easy. 7et some rest. 7et some shade.( 2 t he j st went on swin#in# mechanically, avoidin# my $resence, already !ac% into his world, which !e#an with the $ic% !ehind his sho lder and ended with the $ic% in the #ro nd. 2ac% home, E nice too% char#e o" or#ani)in# the relie" e""orts "or the older $eo$le. I dont %now why. The stirrin#s o" her /hristian !ac%#ro nd3 Aorrow over not !ein# a!le to hel$ her own $arents3 Im j st #oin# to ta%e it at "ace val e. Ahe went "rom "loor to "loor in each o" o r "o r co+o$ ! ildin#s, a total o" ei#hty "loors, %noc%ed on each door, and i" there were older $eo$le she too% down their "ood and water needs and made s re the s $$lies were !ro #ht down the ne=t wee% in one o" Joshies Ataatlin#+-a$ach n# Aervice convoys. -hy is he hel$in# s3 I s $$ose he "eels # ilty a!o t Noah and the "erry, or may!e a!o t The Ala$. In any case, we need what hes #ot. Ahe delivered the water hersel"@with my s$oradic hel$@to each a$artment, she made s re all the windows and doors were o$en to im$rove circ lation, she sat there and listened to the old $eo$le cry a!o t their children and #randchildren who were scattered aro nd the co ntry and "or whom they "eared the worst, she as%ed me to inter$ret certain Giddish words &'that farkakteh 0 !enstein,( 'that shlemiel 0 !enstein,( 'that little isher 0 !enstein(*, ! t mostly she sat with them and h ##ed them as their tears $ollinated the d sty throw r #s and em!attled last+cent ry car$ets. -hen the older women &most o" o r a#ed residents are widows* smelled $artic larly !ad, she wo ld clean their dirty !atht !s, hel$ the sha%y old ladies inside, and wash them. It was a tas% I "o nd $artic larly re$ lsive@how I "eared one day havin# to care "or my $arents in so tho #ht" l and tactile a manner, as 0 ssian tradition

e=$ected o" me@! t E nice, who des$ised any alien smell comin# "rom o r re"ri#erator or the ran%ness o" my toenails a"ter several missed $edic res, did not "linch, did not t rn away "rom the s n%en, s$lotched "lesh in her hands. -e saw a woman die. Or E nice did anyway. I thin% it was a stro%e. Ahe co ldnt #et the words o t o" her mo th, this withered creat re, sittin# !eside a co""ee ta!le littered with n sa!le remote controls, a $hoto o" the 8 !avitcher 0e!!e showin# o"" his !ea ti" l !eard "ramed !ehind her. ',ican,( she %e$t sayin#, arcin# s$ittle across E nices sho lders. ,nd then, more em$hatically: ',ican, aican, aican4( Did she mean to say, 'I can(3 I le"t the a$artment, !eca se I co ldnt !ear to re%indle the memories o" my own #randmother a"ter her "inal stro%e, in a wheelchair, coverin# $ the dead $arts o" her !ody with her shawl, worried a!o t loo%in# hel$less in "ront o" the world. I "eared the old $eo$le, "eared their mortality, ! t the more I did so, the more I "ell in love with E nice 1ar%. I "ell "or her as ho$elessly and thoro #hly as I had in 0ome, where I had con" sed her "or a di""erent, stron#er $erson. 5y $ro!lem was that I co ldnt hel$ her "ind her $arents and sister. Even with my Ataatlin# connections, I co ldnt "ind o t what had ha$$ened to her "amily in Cort 8ee. One day E nice told me she co ld feel that they were still alive and doin# well@a sentiment that "loored me with its almost reli#io s naavet[, ! t also made me wish I co ld !elieve the same thin# a!o t the ,!ramovs. ,ican, aican, aican. Ao many thin#s have ha$$ened since Ive last written in yo , diary, some o" them aw" l, most o" them m ndane. I # ess the main thin# I can thin% o" is the "act that thin#s are #ettin# !etter with E nice, that thro #h o r m t al de$ression over whats ha$$ened to o r city, o r "riends, and o r lives weve !ecome closer. 2eca se we cant connect to o r I$$IrIti, were learnin# to t rn to each other. Once, a"ter a lon# wee%end o" scr !!in# and waterin# o r elderly, she even as%ed me to read to her. I went over to my -all o" 2oo%s and $ic%ed $ K nderas 3he Jnbearable 1ightness of <eing, whose cover I had ca #ht E nice e=aminin# once !e"ore, tracin# with her "in#er the de$icted !owler hat "lyin# over the 1ra# e s%yline. There were la datory 6 otes "or the a thor and his wor% on the "irst $a#e o" the !oo% "rom 3he New Yorker0 3he @ashington (ost0 3he New York 3imes &the real 3imes, not the 1ifest!le 3imes*, even somethin# called +ommonweal. -hat had ha$$ened to all these $ !lications3 I remem!er readin# the 3imes in the s !way, "oldin# it aw%wardly while leanin# a#ainst the door, ca #ht $ in the words, worried a!o t crashin# to the "loor or tri$$in# over some li#htly clad !ea ty &there was always at least one*, ! t even more a"raid to lose the thread o" the article in "ront o" me, my s$ine !an#in# a#ainst the train door, the clatter and drone o" the massive machine aro nd me, and me, with my words, !rilliantly alone. 0eadin# K nderas !oo%, I "elt a #rowin# an=iety as the words on the crin%ly yellow $a#es came o t o" my mo th. I "o nd mysel" str ##lin# "or !reath. I had read this !oo% many times over as a teena#er, had !ent the to$most ed#es o" many $a#es where K nderas $hiloso$hy to ched my own. 2 t now even I had tro !le nderstandin# all the conce$ts, never mind what E nice co ld nderstand. 3he Jnbearable 1ightness of <eing was a novel o" ideas set in a co ntry that meant nothin# to her, set in a time@the Aoviet invasion o" /)echoslova%ia in 19.:@that mi#ht as well not have e=isted as "ar as E nice was concerned. Ahe had learned to love Italy, ! t that was a "ar more di#esti!le, stylish land, a co ntry o" Ima#es. In the "irst "ew $a#es, K ndera disc sses several a!stract historical "i# res: 0o!es$ierre, Niet)sche, <itler. Cor E nices sa%e, I wanted him to #et to the $lot, to introd ce act al 'livin#( characters@I recalled this was a love story@and to leave the world o" ideas !ehind. <ere we were, two $eo$le lyin# in !ed, E nices worried head $ro$$ed on my collar!one, and I wanted s to "eel somethin# in common. I wanted this com$le= lan# a#e, this s r#e o" intellect, to !e $rocessed into love. Isnt that how they sed to do it a cent ry a#o, $eo$le readin# $oetry to one another3 On $a#e ei#ht, I read a $art I had nderlined as a moody, nlaid teena#er. '-hat ha$$ens ! t once B mi#ht as well not have ha$$ened at all. I" we have only one li"e to live, we mi#ht as well not have lived at all.( Ne=t to this I had written in shaded !loc% letters: 'EU0O1E,N /GNI/IA5 or FE0G A/,0G T0UT<333( I re+read the lines a#ain, slowly, with em$hasis, directly into E nices $ert, wa=+"ree ear, and as I did so I wondered i" $erha$s it was this !oo% that had la nched my search "or immortality. Joshie himsel" had once said to a very im$ortant client, 'Eternal li"e is the only li"e that matters. ,ll else is j st a moth circlin# the li#ht.( <e had not noticed my standin# !y the door to his o""ice. I ret rned to my c !icle in tears, "eelin# a!andoned to nothin#ness, moth+li%e, yet st nned !y Joshies n s al lyricism. The $art a!o t the moth, I mean. <e never tal%ed li%e that with me. <e always nderlined the $ositive thin#s a!o t my !rie" e=istence, the "act, "or e=am$le, that I had "riends and co ld a""ord #ood resta rants and was never com$letely alone "or very lon#. I read on, "eelin# E nices solemn !reath a#ainst my chest. The main character, Tomas, started havin# se= with many attractive /)ech ladies. I re+read several times a $assa#e a!o t Tomass mistress standin# in "ront o" him, in $anties and !ra and a !lac% !owler hat. I $ointed to the !lac% !owler hat on the cover. E nice nodded, ! t I "elt that K ndera had $ t too many words aro nd the "etish "or her to #ain what her #eneration re6 ired "rom any "orm o" content: a ready s r#e o" e=citement, a tem$orary lease on satis"action. 2y $a#e si=ty+"o r, Tomass #irl"riend Tere)a and his mistress Aa!ina are ta%in# $hoto#ra$hs o" each other na%ed, dressed only in that rec rrin# !lac% !owler hat. 'Ahe was com$letely at the mercy o" Tomass mistress,( I read two $a#es later, win%in# at E nice. 'This !ea ti" l s !mission into=icated Tere)a.( I re$eated the words '!ea ti" l s !mission.( E nice stirred. Ahe too% o"" her TotalA rrenders with a sna$ o" her "in#er and moved $ to straddle my "ace !etween her le#s. -ith the !oo% still $artly o$en in one hand, I c $$ed her !ehind with the other while sin# my ton# e in the "amiliar motions a#ainst her o$enin#. Ahe $ lled !ac% "or a while and let me loo% into her "ace. I mistoo% her e=$ression "or a smile. It was somethin# else, a sli#ht o$enin# o" the mo th, with the lower li$ leanin# ri#htward. It was astonishment: the astonishment o" !ein# " lly loved. The miracle o" not !ein# hit. Ahe ret rned to her $osition on to$ o" me and let o t a volley o" #r nts o" a $itch and tre!le I had never heard. It was as i" she were s$ea%in# a "orei#n lan# a#e, one that had not %e$t $ with history, one that was st c% on the $rimal so nd '# h.( I li"ted her $, not s re she was

enjoyin# hersel". 'Aho ld we sto$3( I as%ed. ',m I h rtin# yo 3( Ahe "orced hersel" down on my "ace and roc%ed her !ody "aster. ,"terward, she ret rned to her $erch on my collar!one, sni""in# critically at the trail she had le"t on my chin. I read once more. I read lo dly a!o t the e=$loits o" the "ictional Tomas and his many lovers. I s%i$$ed aro nd, loo%in# "or j icier !its to "eed E nice. The story moved "rom 1ra# e to _ rich and then !ac% to 1ra# e. The little nation o" /)echoslova%ia was torn to shreds !y the im$erialist Aoviets &who, the a thor had no way o" %nowin# at the time o" writin#, wo ld themselves !e torn to shreds a ne#li#i!le twenty+three years later*. In the !oo%, characters had to ma%e $olitical decisions that, in the end, meant nothin#. The conce$t o" %itsch was ri#ht" lly, i" somewhat r thlessly, attac%ed. K ndera "orced me to $onder my mortality some more. E nices #a)e had wea%ened, and the li#ht had #one o t o" her eyes, those twin !lac% or!s s ally char#ed with an irre$ressi!le mandate o" an#er and desire. ',re yo "ollowin# all this3( I said. '5ay!e we sho ld sto$.( 'Im listenin#,( she hal"+whis$ered. '2 t are yo understanding3( I said. 'Ive never really learned how to read te=ts,( she said. 'J st to scan them "or in"o.( I let o t a small, st $id la #h. Ahe started to cry. 'Oh, !a!y,( I said. 'Im sorry. I didnt mean to la #h. Oh, !a!y.( '8enny,( she said. 'Even Im havin# tro !le "ollowin# this. Its not j st yo . 0eadin# is di""ic lt. 1eo$le j st arent meant to read anymore. -ere in a $ost+literate a#e. Go %now, a visual a#e. <ow many years a"ter the "all o" 0ome did it ta%e "or a Dante to a$$ear3 5any, many years.( I !l !!ered on li%e this "or a "ew min tes. Ahe went to the livin# room. ,lone, I threw 3he Jnbearable 1ightness of <eing across the room. I wanted to tear it to $ieces. I to ched my chin, still wet with her. I wanted to r n o t o" the a$artment, into the im$overished 5anhattan ni#ht. I missed my $arents. In times o" tro !le, the wea% see% the stron#. In the livin# room, E nice had o$ened $ her I$$IrIt and was concentratin# on the last sho$$in# $a#e stored in its memory !e"ore comm nications colla$sed. I co ld see she had instinctively o$ened a 8andO8a%es /redit 1ayment stream, ! t every time she tried to in$ t her acco nt in"o, she ended $ throwin# her head !ac% as i" st n#. 'I cant ! y anythin#,( she said. 'E nice,( I said. 'Go dont have to ! y anythin#. 7o to !ed. -e dont have to read anymore. -e dont have to ever read a#ain. I $romise. <ow can we read when $eo$le need o r hel$3 Its a l = ry. , st $id l = ry.( -hen the mornin# li#ht was at " ll !last, E nice "inally c rled $ ne=t to me, covered in sweat, de"eated. -e i#nored the mornin# and we i#nored the day. -e i#nored the "ollowin# day as well. 2 t when I wo%e $ on the third day, the heat ra%in# its way thro #h the o$ened window, she was #one. I ran into the livin# room> no E nice. I ran to the lo!!y. I as%ed the loiterin# old $eo$le a!o t her wherea!o ts. I co ld "eel my heart sto$$in# and the !lood drainin# "rom my "eet and hands. -hen she "inally showed $, twenty ho rs later &'I went "or a wal%. I needed to #et o t o" here. Its not that dan#ero s, 8enny. Im sorry i" yo were worried(*, I "o nd mysel" on my %nees in my s al $osition, !e##in# her to "or#ive me "or some ill+ de"ined sin, $rayin# "or her real smile and her com$anionshi$, $leadin# "or her never to leave me a#ain. ,ican, aican, aican. OH MY GOD" I$M SUCH A BAD GIRLFRIEND FROM THE GLOBALTEENS ACCOUNT OF EUNICE PARK

SEPTEMBER 1+ -,1,/<UN7 /ONTIN7EN/G E5E07EN/G 5EAA,7E: Aender: Joshie 7oldmann, 1ost+< man Aervices, ,dministrative 0eci$ient: E nice 1ar% <ello there, my darlin# 5s. E nice. <ows tric%s3 O%ay, Ive #ot to admit, I cant sto$ thin%in# a!o t o r little time to#ether last wee%. I am so totally <OOKED on yo . Those twenty+"o r ho rs we s$ent drawin# with 5onsie r /ohen &ho ho ho, color theory, here we come4*, ri"lin# thro #h whats le"t o" 2arneys, oysters at the Ataatlin# canteen, a little, m, " n in !ed, and then doin# those stretches to#ether, holy moly, that was li%e the $er"ect date. Go were so c te when yo wal%ed into my a$artment. I cant !elieve how yo r hands were sha%in#. Im still $ic%in# $ the #lass shards o"" the "loor &how did yo mana#e to !rea% T-O #lasses3*, ! t thats o%ay, !eca se it j st shows how real yo are. Than% yo , E nice, "or ma%in# me "eel CINE and lim!er and ready to hit the #ro nd r nnin#. ,nd than%s "or $ic%in# o t all those clothes. Go re ri#ht, there was somethin# a little hi$$ie+ish a!o t the way I sed to dress, and my m stache <,D to #o. Over and done with. 5y only $ro! is that I miss yo sooo m ch already. /an we do this a#ain soon3 /an we do this a#ain li%e $ermanently3 I cant serio sly see my li"e #o on witho t the little $atter o" yo r "eet !y my !edside. ,nd Ive #ot a lot o" livin# to do, ha ha. -ell, it IA a !i# relie" to %now that yo r $arents and sis are alive and doin# as well as anyone else nder the circ mstances. Ive $assed on the relocation re6 est to <ead6 arters, ! t the $ro!lem is that, even i" they do #et yo r "amily o t o" Ct. 8ee, where are we #oin# to $ t them3 -ere wor%in# o t " t re arran#ements with the I5C and I thin% the idea is to re! ild New Gor% as a %ind o"

'8i"estyle < !( where wealthy $eo$le can do their than#, s$end their money, live "orever, !lah !lah !la!!ity 28,<. Ao every inch o" s$ace is #oin# to !e acco nted "or, and the $rices are #oin# to !e a!sol tely 10E5IU5. ,nd the rest o" the co ntrys #oin# to !e carved $ !etween a ! nch o" "orei#n soverei#n wealth " nds, with -a$ach n# /ontin#ency ta%in# over whats le"t o" the National 7 ards and the army and doin# sec rity s $$ort &yay "or s4*. Im not s re i" the /hinese are #oin# to !e 'in char#e( o" New Jersey, or i" thats #oin# to #o to Norway or to the Aa di ,ra!ian 5onetary ,#ency, ! t in either case Im s re thin#s are #oin# to !e a lot !etter and sa"er than they are now. Tho may!e yo r sis can learn to wear a ! r%a. Totally %iddin#. Its not #oin# to !e li%e that. They j st want ret rns on investment. Ai#h. I miss yo . I miss the very A/ENT o" yo . I miss yo r sweet smilin# "ace and yo r ti#ht em!race. 7od, listen to me. ,nyway, I mi#ht send 8enny on a wee%end tri$ to visit his $arents on 8on# Island &dont tell him yet, ! t accordin# to -a$ /ontin#ency they s rvived*, which means more 6 ality time "or s444 5wah4 as yo li%e to say. 5wah, my dear, dear E nice, my !rave yo n# love. Isnt it e=citin# to !e ,8IFE these days3 SEPTEMBER 12 -,1,/<UN7 /ONTIN7EN/G E5E07EN/G 5EAA,7E: Aender: E nice 1ar% 0eci$ient: Joshie 7oldmann, 1ost+< man Aervices, ,dministrative Josh a, I #ot yo r messa#e. Than%s. Ges, 5onsie r /ohen is very interestin#. Is he #ay, or j st Crench3 Im sorry i" I seem to !e holdin# s !ac% in class, Im s ch a $er"ectionist and I really dont thin% Im very #ood. ,nd i" Im as #ood as yo and 5. /ohen say then its j st a "l %e and Ill come shatterin# !ac% down to earth $retty soon, yo can !et yo r !ottom y an. 5y "ather always said my hands were too wea% to !e an artist anyway. I %now we s$ent some #ood times to#ether and I will remem!er those ho rs, ! t I also "eel li%e a very !ad #irl"riend to 8enny. ,nd thats what I am, Im 8ennys #irl"riend and I love him, and Im really not a!le to e=$lore anythin# more than "riendshi$ with yo ri#ht now. Than%s "or "indin# o t a!o t my $arents and sister. I miss my "amily very m ch and I wish there was some way to #et them to 5anhattan or even !ac% to Korea. Thats what Im concentratin# on ri#ht now. Ive !een readin# some o" the old messa#es "rom my "riend Jenny Kan#, the one who disa$$eared and who yo cant seem to !e a!le to "ind in <ermosa 2each, and one o" the last thin#s she wrote me was 'Im sorry Im a !ad "riend and cant hel$ yo with yo r $ro!lems ri#ht now. Go have to !e stron# and do whatever yo have to do "or yo r "amily.( Aee, yo dont have a "amily. ,nd yo never really wanted one "rom what I can #ather. 2 t thro #ho t this whole 0 $t re thin# I # ess thats what I "o nd o t a!o t mysel", that my "amily matters the most to me and it always will. Go rs, E nice -,1,/<UN7 /ONTIN7EN/G E5E07EN/G 5EAA,7E: Aender: Joshie 7oldmann, 1ost+< man Aervices, ,dministrative 0eci$ient: E nice 1ar% I have to say I was a little h rt !y yo r last messa#e. I" yo didnt want to $ rs e a relationshi$, then why did yo #o home with me3 I thin% yo dont " lly com$rehend how I "eel a!o t yo , E nice. Ive !een tryin# to $ t my "in#er on it, and I thin% Ive sort o" come to some concl sions. Go re very !ea ti" l, ! t that doesnt really matter to me in the lon# r n. Everythin# a!o t yo is so $er"ect, so s6 ared away &"rom the way yo dress to the minim m amo nt o" words yo se to e=$ress yo rsel"*, ! t that doesnt matter either. -hat matters to me is that I KNO- yo are ca$a!le o" love, that yo cannot hide "orever "rom the tr th o" !ein# a " ll emotional h man !ein# with a need to connect, with a need to !e with someone who can nderstand yo and where yo come "rom, res$ect yo , and ta%e care o" yo . ,nd thats what I want to do, E nice, to ta%e care o" yo , "orever and ever. I want to hel$ yo !ecome a " ll+"led#ed artist, even i" that means yo have to s$end time away "rom me, st dyin# ,rt Y Cinance at <A2/+7oldsmiths in 8ondon. I want to #et yo a jo! in 0etail, i" thats what yo want, once New Gor% !ecomes a " ll 8i"estyle < ! and we start to #et !ac% on o r "eet. ,nd yes, I want to hel$ yo r "amily to resettle in the city, ! t $lease j st #ive me some time to see what I can do. The sit ation is still very "l id. Go say 8enny is yo r !oy"riend. Ive %nown 8enny since he was a yo n# ad lt li%e yo . <es not a !ad $erson, ! t hes also very con"licted, im$otent, and de$ressive. Those are not the 6 alities yo want to loo% "or in a serio s $artner, not today, not with the world in the sha$e its in. I want yo to consider all these thin#s, E nice, and to %now that, whatever yo decide, I will always love yo . Joshie &never Josh a* 7. 1.A. J st a heads+ $, ! t there is #oin# to !e some activity in yo r area in a month or so, what the ,0, sed to call '<arm 0ed ction,( in the Fladec% <o ses. Nothin# I have any control over, !elieve me, ! t there mi#ht !e violence. I want yo and 8enny to !e sa"e. Im thin%in# may!e thats when Ill send him to 8on# Island to see his "ol%s and yo and I can have a sl m!er $arty. DEAF CHILD AREA FROM THE DIARIES OF LENNY ABRAMOV

O/TO2E0 1D Dear Diary, 1lease "or#ive another month+lon# a!sence, ! t today I have to write in yo with the #reatest o" news. 5y $arents are alive. I "o nd o t "ive days a#o, at J:JO $.m. EAT, the $recise time Telenor, the Norwe#ian telecomm nications #iant, restored o r comm nications and o r I$$IrIti started whirrin# with data, $rices, Ima#es, and cal mny> J:JO $.m. EAT, a time no one o" my #eneration will ever "or#et. 5y $arents voices "illed my ears immediately, the !aritone insanity o" my "athers ha$$y !ooms, the titter and la #hter o" my mother as they sho ted: ''alenkii0 malenkii) Ehiv0 6dorov& Ehiv0 6dorov)( &'8ittle one, little one4 ,live and well3 ,live and well4(*. I hollered in s ch a way &DJrK)B* that E nice !ecame scared. Ahe moved to the !athroom, where I co ld hear her ver!allin# into her I$$IrIt in a monotone En#lish mi=ed to#ether with an endless $rocession o" $assionate Korean hon%s directed at her mother: 'Neh0 neh0 umma0 neh.( ,nd so the two o" s cele!rated with o r $arents, reconnected to them so stron#ly that when E nice came into the !edroom and we "aced each other, there was almost nothin# to say in o r common ton# e. -e "o nd o rselves la #hin# at o r st nned, merry silence, me wi$in# my tears, her with her hands $ressed to the hardness o" her chest. The ,!ramovs. A rvivin#, scaven#in#, settin# $ their own road!loc%s with 5r. Fida and the other nei#h!ors while the world came ndone aro nd them, !ein# hard+!oiled wor%in#+class immi#rants, desi#ned !y an an#ry 7od "or a calamity o" $recisely this ma#nit de. <ow co ld I have do !ted their tenacio s hold on li"e3 ,ccordin# to the stress" l 7lo!alTeens messa#es they sent me ri#ht a"ter we "inished ver!allin#, the sec rity sit ation in -est! ry was relatively normal, ! t the $harmacy had !een ransac%ed and the heavily # arded -ald!a ms s $ermar%et was o t o" Ta#amet, my "athers remedy a#ainst heart! rn and his chronic $e$tic lcers. Ao it was a ha$$y s r$rise when I #ot a note, a handwritten note, "rom Joshie: 0hes s 5on%ey4 2e a #ood son and #o visit yo r $arents. Im reservin# some crac% -a$ach n# sec rity $eo$le "or yo on 5onday. Theyll escort yo o t to 8on# Island. Atay away "rom those !oiled 0 ssian meats4 ,nd dont #et too e=cited, o%ay3 Im loo%in# o t "or yo r e$ine$hrine levels li%e a haw%. I was met o tside the 1ost+< man Aervices syna#o# e !y two armored <y ndai 1ersimmon jee$s s$ortin# enormo s hood+mo nted wea$onry, $ro!a!ly le"tovers "rom o r ill+"ated Fene) elan advent re. O r e=$edition leader seemed to !e o" Fene) ela vinta#e as well, one 5ajor J. 5. 1alatino o" -a$ach n# /ontin#ency, a small ! t $ower" lly $ t+to#ether man smellin# o" middle+class colo#ne and horses. <e s rveyed me with $ro"essional eyes, 6 ic%ly concl ded that I was so"t and in need o" $rotection, sla$$ed his sides militarily, and introd ced his team o" two yo n# armed # ys, !oth remnants o" the Ne!ras%an National 7 ard, one missin# the !etter hal" o" his hand. '<eres the #ame $lan,( 1alatino said. '-e "ollow the major arteries and ho$e there havent !een any "lare+ $s alon# the way. -ere tal%in# a!o t I+O9J here, the old 8on# Island E=$ressway. Dont e=$ect m ch tro !le there. Then we swin# over to the Northern and -anta#h 1ar%ways. That co ld !e tric%ier, de$endin# on whos in char#e at this $oint in the day.( 'I tho #ht that wo ld !e s,( I said. 'Theres still s$oradic enemy+com!atant activity a"ter 8ittle Nec%. Nassa warlords "i#htin# A ""ol% warlords. Ethnic st "". Aalvadorans. 7 atemalans. Nigerians. 7ot to tread li#htly. ,nyway, were armed to the teeth here, so no worries. -eve #ot a heavy . J;+cali!er 5D 2rownin# machine # n on the lead vehicle and ,TO anti+armor on !oth. Nothin# even comes close o t there. E=$ect well !e in -est! ry at 1O;; ho rs.( 'Three ho rs to drive thirty miles3( 'I didnt create this world, sir,( 1alatino said. 'Im j st alon# "or the ride. -eve #ot Oslo Deli#ht sandwiches "or yo in the !ac%. Go cool with lin#on!erry jam3 Enjoy.( ,t the entrance to the e=$ressway, -a$ach n# troo$s were screenin# cars "or wea$ons and contra!and, throwin# nl c%y "ive+jiao men on the #ro nd, and $roddin# them with wea$ons, the whole scene oddly 6 iet and methodical and reminiscent o" the near+distant $ast. 'Its li%e the ,merican 0estoration , thority o t here,( I said to the major. 'Nothin#s chan#ed ! t the ni"orms.( 'Go dont j st dis!and a "orce overni#ht,( 1alatino said. '-ed have a sit ation li%e o t in 5isso ri.( '-hats in 5isso ri3( I as%ed. <e waved his hand at me as i" to say: Its better not to know. -e t rned o r !ac%s on 5anhattan and rolled $ast the #ly #i#antism o" 8eCra% /ity, a collection o" ! ildin#s that, with their rows o" !alconies on !oth ends, resem!led soot+covered accordions. These ho sin# $rojects were riddled with 0 ssian immi#rants, and my $arents had always tho #ht that one more ste$ down on the economic ladder wo ld !rin# s directly to 8eCra%, where, accordin# to my mother, we wo ld all !e %illed. Ahe was somethin# o" a seer, 7alya ,!ramov. The #ro nds o" the 8eCra% develo$ment were littered with homemade tents. 1eo$le were lyin# on mattresses on a $edestrian over$ass, the acrid smell o" !ad meat !ein# #rilled wa"tin# down !elow. ,s we $assed 8eCra% /ity &'8ive a 8ittle 2etter( its heart"elt mid+twentieth+cent ry motto*, the 5anhattan+!o nd side o" the 8on# Island E=$ressway !ecame an endless j m!le o" cars slowly mane verin# aro nd men, women, and children o" all $ossi!le $ers asions com$liantly cartin# their !elon#in#s in s itcases and sho$$in# trolleys. '8ots o" "ol%s #oin# west,( 1alatino said, as we crawled "orward $ast a #a##le o" $oor middle+class cars, tiny Aams n# Aanta 5onicas and the li%e, children and mothers h ddled over one another in !ac%. 'The closer to the city, the !etter. Even i" yo have to wor% a "ive+jiao line. -or% is wor%.( '-here do yo live3( I as%ed 1alatino. 'Ai=ty+ei#hth and 8e=.( 'Nice area,( I said. '/lose to the $ar%.( '5y %ids love the )oo. -a$ach n#s #oin# to #et s a $anda.( I had heard o" this. Three ho rs later, we were drivin# down Old /o ntry 0oad, the /ham$s+dlys[es o" -est! ry, $ast the mostly !oarded+ $ #hosts o" 0etail $ast, the 1ayless AhoeAo rce, 1etco, Atar! c%s. , crowd o" wo ld+!e cons mers still con#re#ated aro nd the 99e

1aradise store. The smell o" sewa#e and a !rown sava#e ha)e "iltered thro #h the windows, ! t I also heard the lo d, screechy so nd o" h man la #hter and $eo$le yellin# to one another on the street, "riendly+li%e. It seemed to me that in some weird way a s ! r!an $lace li%e -est! ry, with its wor%in#+ and middle+class "ol%s, its Aalvadorans and Ao theast ,sians and the li%e, was what New Gor% /ity sed to !e when it was still a real $lace. There was somethin# lovely a!o t Old /o ntry 0oad today, "ol%s millin# a!o t, tradin# #oods, eatin# $a$ sas, yo n# !oys and #irls wearin# nothin#, ver!allin# one another with love. 'They maintain $retty #ood sec rity,( 1alatino seconded. 'The #ood # ys #ot all the wea$ons, and theyve s$read their assets o t strate#ically.( I had no idea what the hell he was tal%in# a!o t. -e t rned o"" the commercial street and drove headlon# into the residential $eace o" -ashin#ton ,ven e. Des$ite the serenity o" my $arents street, I "o nd mysel" worried !y a si#n that said 'Dea" /hild ,rea.( I tried to remem!er a dea" nei#h!orhood child "rom my days in -est! ry, ! t no s ch creat re s$ran# to mind. -ho was this dea" child, and what %ind o" a " t re wo ld she have today3 -e a$$roached my $arents ho se, the #i#antic "la#s o" the United Atates o" ,merica and Aec rityAtate Israel still "l tterin# o!stinately. < ddled !ehind the screen door, I saw the ,!ramovs leanin# in to each other. Cor a second it seemed li%e there was j st one ,!ramov, "or altho #h my mother was delicate and $retty and my "ather was not, they a$$eared to ta%e on a twin "orm, as i" each was re"lected in the other. -hat had ha$$ened in the $ast "ew months was nclear. They had a#ed, !ecome #rayer, ! t also it seemed as i" some indeterminate $art o" each o" them had !een s r#ically ta%en o t, leavin# a %ind o" m ddled trans$arency. -hen I a$$roached them with my arms stretched o t, with my !a# o" Ta#amet lcer remedy and other #oodies !an#in# a#ainst my hi$, I saw a $art o" that trans$arency "ill in> I saw their creased "aces welcome in the joy o" my s rvival, my $hysical $resence, my indeli!le lin% to them, s r$rised that I stood in "ront o" them, secretly h rt and ashamed that they co ld do less "or me than I co ld "or them. -e were s rro nded !y elements o" one another: my mothers immac lateness, my "athers nad lterated m s%, and my own whi"" o" recedin# yo th and $assin# r!anity. I cant remem!er i" we revealed nothin#@or everythin#@to one another in the "oyer, ! t a"ter my mother ceremonially dra$ed the livin#+room co ch with a $lastic !a# so that I wo ldnt stain it with the "o lness o" 5anhattan, my "ather "ollowed thro #h with his s al heart"elt re6 est: 'Nu0 rasska6hi( &'Ao, tell me(*. I told them as m ch as I co ld a!o t what had ha$$ened d rin# the $ast two months, s%irtin# Noahs death &my mother had so enjoyed meetin# 's ch a handsome Jewish !oy( at o r NGU #rad ation* ! t em$hasi)in# how well E nice and I were doin#, and how I still had 1,19;,;;; y an in the !an%. 5y mother listened care" lly, si#hed, and went o"" to wor% on a !eet salad. -hen I as%ed my "ather a!o t how it had !een "or them, he t rned $ Co=8i!erty+1rime, which was showin# the deli!erations o" the Israeli Knesset, with 0 !enstein, still nominally em$loyed as the De"ense Aecretary o" whatever entity we are !ecomin#, lect rin# the all+Orthodo= $arliament on ways to "i#ht Islamo"ascism, the men in !lac% noddin# sym$athetically, some starin# o"" into dee$ly sacred s$ace, $layin# with their !ottles o" mineral water. On the other screen, Co=8i!erty+Ultra@where the hell were they still !roadcastin# this st "" "rom3@"eat red three #ly white men yellin# at a $retty !lac% man "rom all directions, while the words '7ays to wed in NG/( "lashed !eneath them. 1ointin# to Co=8i!erty+Ultra, my "ather as%ed me: 'Is it tr e they are lettin# gomiki marry in New Gor%3( 5y mother 6 ic%ly darted o t o" the %itchen, a $late o" !eet salad in hand. '-hat3 -hat did yo say3 They are lettin# gomiki marry now3( '7o !ac% to the %itchen, 7alya4( my "ather sho ted with a meas re o" his s al de$ressed vitality. 'I am tal%in# to my son4( I con"essed that I did not %now what was ha$$enin# in my hometown, n $tial+wise, and that we really had other thin#s to worry a!o t, ! t my "ather wanted to share more o" his o$inions on the matter. '5r. Fida,( he said, #est rin# in the direction o" his Indian nei#h!or, '!elieves that gomiki are the most dis# stin# creat res in the world and sho ld !e castrated and shot. 2 t I dont %now. They say, na rimer VM"or e=am$leW, that the "amo s 0 ssian com$oser Tchai%ovs%y was a gomik. That on sobla6nil VMhe corr $tedW little !oys, even the Tsars own son4 ,nd that when he died it was the Tsar who had $ress red him to ma%e s icide. 5ay!e this is tr e, may!e it is not.( 5y "ather si#hed and !ro #ht one hand to his "ace. <is tired !rown eyes were mar%ed with a sadness I had seen only once !e"ore @at my #randmothers " neral, when he had emitted a howl o" s ch n%nown, animalistic $rovenance, we tho #ht it had come "rom the "orest a! ttin# the Jewish cemetery. '2 t "or me,( he said, !reathin# heavily, 'it doesnt matter. Go see, "or a #eni s li%e Tchai%ovs%y I co ld "or#ive anythin#, an!thing4( 5y "athers arm was still aro nd me, holdin# me in $lace, ma%in# me his. I no lon#er had any idea what he was tal%in# a!o t. , !ewildered $art o" me wanted to say, '1a$a, theres an armored jee$ # ardin# the 99e store on Old /o ntry 0oad and yo re tal%in# a!o t gomiki3( 2 t I %e$t 6 iet. -hom wo ld it hel$ i" I s$o%e3 I "elt the sorrow that "lowed in all directions in this ho se, sorrow "or him, "or them, "or the three o" s@5ama, 1a$a, 8enny. 'Tchai%ovs%y,( my "ather said, each heavy sylla!le elicitin# an n6 anti"ia!le $ain in his dee$ !aritone voice. <e raised his hand in the air and silently directed a movement, "rom the de$ressive Ai=th Aym$hony $erha$s. '1yotr Ilyich Tchai%ovs%y,( my "ather said, lost in reverence "or the homose= al com$oser. '<e has !ro #ht me so m ch joy.( 2y the time my mother called me down to dinner@a"ter I had ta%en a !reather $stairs and noticed the re$lacement o" my "athers essay on 'The Joys o" 1layin# 2as%et!all( with a #leamin# $oster o" the Israeli "ortress o" 5asada@I was nearly in tears mysel". The dinner ta!le wo ld s ally !e covered len#thwise with meats and "ish, ! t today it was nearly em$ty@j st !eet salad, tomatoes and $e$$ers "rom the #arden, a $late o" marinated m shrooms, and some slices o" a s s$icio sly white !read. 5y mother noticed my cha#rin. 'There is a de"icit at the -ald!a ms, and anyway we are a"raid o" the /redit 1oles,( she said. '-hat i" they are still on3 -hat i" they try to de$ort s3 Aometimes 5r. Fida ta%es s in the tr c%, ! t otherwise it is very hard to "ind "ood.( ,nd then a di""erent %ind o" tr th a$$ealed to me, reminded me o" how sel"+involved I was, how resid ally an#ry I had remained at the ,!ramovs and their di""ic lt ho sehold. The trans$arency I had noticed in my $arents earlier, the way they had melded into each other@it was sim$ly a matter o" loo%in# closely at their !odies and their st nted movements.

5y $arents were starvin#. I wal%ed into the %itchen and chec%ed the nearly !are $antry@$otatoes "rom the !ac% #arden, canned $e$$ers, marinated m shrooms, "o r sliced $ieces o" moldy white !read, two r sted tins o" some %ind o" 2 l#arian cod+in+a+can. 'This is terri!le,( I said to them. '-e have the jee$s here. 8et me at least ta%e yo to -ald!a ms.( 'No, no,( they sho ted in nison. 'Ait down,( my "ather said. 'Theres !eet salad. Theres !read and m shrooms. Go have !ro #ht Ta#amet. -hat more do we need3 -ere old $eo$le. Aoon we will die and !e "or#otten.( They %new e=actly what to say. I had !een %ic%ed in the stomach, or so it seemed, "or I was now cl tchin# my relatively " ll !elly, and every !rand o" concern co rsed thro #h my di#estive tract. '-ere #oin# to the -ald!a ms,( I said. I raised my hand in $re$aration "or their wea% $rotests. The decisive son s$ea%s. '-ere not #oin# to disc ss this. Go need "ood.( -e crammed into one jee$, the other servin# as a lead escort, 1alatinos men "lashin# their wea$ons at a #an# o" miscreants crowded aro nd what sed to !e the Criendlys resta rant ! t was now a$$arently the head6 arters o" some local militia. -as this what 0 ssia loo%ed li%e a"ter the Aoviet Union colla$sed3 I tried, ns ccess" lly, to see the co ntry aro nd me not j st thro #h my "athers eyes ! t thro #h his histor!. I wanted to !e a $art o" a meanin#" l cycle with him, a cycle other than !irth and death. -hile my mother care" lly wrote o t a list o" s $$lies they needed, my "ather told me a!o t a recent dream he had had. , "ew o" the '/hinese swine( en#ineers at the la!oratory where he sed to wor% acc se him o" releasin# radiation into the air d rin# his mornin# c stodial ro nds, he is a!o t to !e arrested, ! t in the end he is vindicated when two 0 ssian women janitors show $ "rom Fladivosto% and $in the radiation lea% on some Indians. '-hen I wa%e $, my li$ is !leedin# "rom "ear,( my "ather said, his #ray head still trem!lin# "rom the memory. 'They say that dreams o"ten have secret meanin#s,( I said. 'I %now, I %now,( he said, wavin# his hand in the air dismissively. '1sycholo#y.( I $atted my "athers %nee, wantin# to im$art com"ort. <e was wearin# denims, old 0ee!o% snea%ers that I had !e6 eathed him, an Ocean 1aci"ic T+shirt with a "adin# iron+on o" some yo n# so thern+/ali"ornian s r"ers showin# o"" their !oo#ie !oards &also "rom the 8enny ,!ramov teena#e collection*, alon# with $lastic s n#lasses covered !y what loo%ed li%e an oil slic%. <e was, in his own way, ma#ni"icent. The last ,merican standin#. -e $ lled into the stri$ mall where the -ald!a ms s $ermar%et h ddled ne=t to a !oarded+ $ nail salon and a "ormer s shi $lace which now sold '-,TE0 C0O5 /8E,N 18,/E, 1 7,88ON Z O GU,N, 20IN7 GOU0 O-N /,N.( ,s the jee$ $ lled $ directly to the -ald!a ms door, my $arents loo%ed at me with #reat $ride@here I was ta%in# care o" them, honorin# them, a #ood son at last. I re"rained "rom throwin# mysel" aro nd their nec%s in #ratit de. 8oo% at the ha$$y "amily4 Inside the !rown+and+cream+colored s $ermar%et, the li#hts had !een t rned down to create an even sadder sho$$in# environment than I had %nown in the heyday o" -ald!a ms, altho #h Enya was still !ein# $i$ed thro #h the so nd system, war!lin# a!o t the "low o" the Orinoco and the cr elly $hrased $ossi!ility o" sailin# away. I was also str c% !y a row o" ancient $hoto#ra$hs showin# the walleyed, !aldin# $rod ce and deli mana#ers o" years $ast, a -est! ry com!ination o" strivin# Ao theast ,sians and <is$anics, nder the "ascistic slo#an 'I" its #ood "or yo , its #ood "or -ald!a ms.( 5y "ather too% me to see the em$ty shel" where the Ta#amet $ills sed to !e stoc%ed. ' (o6orno( &'It is shame" l(*, he said. 'No one care a!o t the sic% or the old anymore.( 5y mother was standin# in the !a%ed+#oods aisle, ne=t to an old Italian woman, dee$ into an an#ry monolo# e a!o t the 5i=+n+5atch ! tter+$o nd+ca%e and an#el+"ood+ca%e com!o, which was $riced at an e=or!itant ei#hteen y an. '8ets #et the ca%es, 5ama,( I said, mind" l o" my mothers sweet tooth. 'Im $ayin# "or everythin#.( 'No, 8yonitch%a,( she said. 'Go have to save "or yo r own " t re. ,nd "or E nices, dont "or#et. ,t least lets loo% "or the red+dot s$ecial.( '8ets see i" theres any "resh $rod ce aro nd,( I said. 'Go need to eat healthy. No arti"icial or s$icy "lavors. Otherwise, all the Ta#amet in the world isnt #oin# to hel$ 1a$a.( 2 t the "resh $rod ce was in short s $$ly> most o" the #ood st "" had lon# !een diverted to New Gor%. -e "illed o r carts with twenty+ei#ht+o nce containers o" cheese !alls &a red+dot s$ecial, $l s D; $ercent o""* and a li"etime s $$ly o" selt)er, which was e""ectively chea$er than the "o r+y an 'water "rom clean $lace( they were sellin# o t o" the s shi joint. I drove my cart $ and down every aisle. The lo!ster ca#e &',ny Cresher and Theyd 2e ,live4(* was not only em$ty, ! t missin# a #lass side. 5y mother !o #ht more mo$s and !rooms in <o sehold A $$lies, and I #ot some decent whole+wheat !read o t o" the !a%ery and !o #ht ten $o nds o" lean t r%ey !reast "or my "ather. 'Use the "resh tomatoes "rom yo r #arden to ma%e a sandwich with the t r%ey !reast and whole+ wheat !read,( I instr cted. '5 stard, not mayonnaise, !eca se theres less cholesterol.( 'Than% yo , sinotchek( &'little son(*, my "ather said. 'Eabotishsia t! o nas( &'Go are ta%in# care o" s(*, my mother said, tearin# $ a little as she stro%ed the head o" a new mo$. I !l shed and loo%ed away, wantin# their love, ! t also care" l a!o t not drawin# too close to them, not wantin# to !e h rt a#ain. 2eca se where my $arents are "rom, o$enness can also mean wea%ness, an invitation to $o nce. Cind yo rsel" in their em!race and yo mi#ht not "ind a way o t. I $aid over three h ndred y an at the only wor%in# chec%o t co nter, and hel$ed my "ather load the !a#s into the jee$. ,s we were a!o t to drive !ac% to their ho se, a lo d th m$ o" an e=$losion echoed "rom the north. 1alatinos men $ointed their # ns at the $er"ectly !l e s%y. 5y "ather #ra!!ed my mother and held her li%e a real man co ld. 'Ni#erians,( he said, $ointin# toward A ""ol% /o nty. 'Dont worry, 7alya. I !eat them on the !as%et!all co rt, Ill !eat them now. Ill %ill them with my two hands.( <e showed s the stron# little hands that sed to d n% !alls into hoo$s on #iven T esdays and Th rsdays. '-hy does everyone !lame the Ni#erians3( I !l rted o t. '<ow many Ni#erians are there on this side o" the ocean3(

5y "ather la #hed and reached $ to stro%e my hair. '8isten to o r little li!eral,( he said, with that "amiliar Co=+Ultra !om!ast in his voice. '5ay!e he is a sec lar $ro#ressive too3( 5y mother joined in the la #hter, sha%in# her head at my silliness. <e came over and #ra!!ed my head with two hands, then %issed me moistly on the "orehead. ',re yo 3( he sho ted in moc% serio sness. ',re yo a sec lar $ro#ressive, 8yon%a3( '-hy dont yo as% Nettie Cine a!o t it3( I said lo dly and in En#lish. 'I havent heard a word "rom her. Even a"ter the I$$IrIti started wor%in# a#ain. -hy dont yo as% yo r 0 !enstein3 <es done so well !y yo , yo ve lost all yo r savin#s and $ension and now yo re scared to wal% $ast a /redit 1ole. -hen he says Mthe !oat is " ll hes tal%in# a!o t yo , yo %now.( 5y "ather loo%ed at me 6 i))ically and ch c%led. 5y mother said nothin#. I cooled my emotions. -hat was the $oint3 Underneath it all, my $arents were scared. ,nd I was scared "or them. ,"ter a mea#er "amily dinner o" t r%ey !reast, !eet salad, and cheese $ ""s, I s$ent a restless, se=less ni#ht h ddled in the s$otless downstairs !edroom, scented with a$$les, clean la ndry, and every other mani"estation o" my mothers close attention. I "elt lonely and tried to teen and ver!al E nice, ! t she didnt res$ond, which was odd. I 7lo!alTraced her $ro#ress thro #ho t the day@as soon as I le"t, she had headed $ to the Union A6 are 0etail /orridor, then she contin ed to head $ to the U$$er -est Aide, and then her si#nal j st disa$$eared. -hat on earth was she doin# on the U$$er -est Aide3 -as she cra)y eno #h to try to cross into Cort 8ee over the 7eor#e -ashin#ton 2rid#e and see her "amily3 I !ecame ac tely worried "or her and even tho #ht o" r stlin# $ 1alatino and headin# !ac% to the city. 2 t I co ldnt deny my $arents a " ll visit. There they stood in the mornin#, waitin# "or me !y the landin# with the same worried, s !missive smiles that had carried them thro #h hal" a li"etime in ,merica, starin# at me as i" no one and nothin# else e=isted in the world. The ,!ramovs. Tired and old, romantically mismatched, "illed to the !rim with hatreds im$orted and native, $atriots o" a disa$$eared co ntry, lovers o" cleanliness and thri"t, te$id !reeders o" a sin#le child, owners o" di""ic lt and disloyal !odies &hands $ro"essionally scalded with ind strial cleansers and #narled $ with car$al t nnel*, monarchs o" an=iety, $rinces o" an ns$ea%a!ly cr el realm, 5ama and 1a$a, 1a$a and 5ama, na vsegda0 na vsegda0 na vsegda, "orever and ever and ever. No, I had not lost the ca$acity to care@incessantly, mor!idly, instinct ally, co nter$rod ctively@"or the $eo$le who had made o" me the disaster %nown as 8enny ,!ramov. -ho was I3 , sec lar $ro#ressive3 1erha$s. , li!eral, whatever that even means anymore, may!e. 2 t !asically@at the end o" the ! sted rain!ow, at the end o" the day, at the end o" the em$ire@little more than my $arents son. HO DO E TELL LENNY-

FROM THE GLOBALTEENS ACCOUNT OF EUNICE PARK

OCTOBER 13 7O8D5,NN+CO0EFE0 34 EUNI+T,0D: 7ood mornin#, my sweet, sweet #irl, my tender love, my li"e. Gesterday was so m ch " n, I cant !elieve the wee%end is $on s and Ive #ot to s rrender yo to o r little "riend. Im co ntin# JD.E ho rs ntil I see yo a#ain, and I dont %now what to do with mysel"4 Im a!o t as com$lete witho t yo as a leo$ard witho t his claws. Im wor%in# on all the thin#s yo said too. 5y arms need to im$rove more than the rest o" my !ody, theyre the hardest to "i= in some ways, the de$leted m scle tone, etc. ,nd Im sorry i" we didnt do eno #h o" the #ood st "". I have to $ace mysel" "or my heart, !eca se #enetically Ive really !een dealt a $oor hand there. The Indians tell me that in the ne=t two years Im #oin# to have my heart removed com$letely. Useless m scle. Idiotically desi#ned. Thats this years !i# $roject at 1ost+< man Aervices, were #oin# to teach the !lood e#actl! where to #o and how "ast to #o and then well j st let it do all the circ latin#. /all me heartless. <ahaha. Ao <oward Ah &he says 'hi( !y the way* has !een doin# a lot o" research and I thin% hes hit $on somethin#. -e need to #et yo r $arents !etter credentialed, so theyre not j st yo r avera#e ,merican immi#rants with !ad /redit. Its hard to #et Norwe#ian $a$ers, ! t theres a /hinese '8ao -ai( "orei#ner $ass$ort that #ives yo a lot o" the same $rivile#es, and yo can even leave New Gor% "or si= o t o" twelve months a year. <es tryin# to 6 ali"y yo r "ather as essential $ersonnel, !eca se the $odiatrist 6 ota in NG/ hasnt !een com$letely "illed yet. The new I5C $lan is very methodical a!o t occ $ations. The $ro!lem is that in order to 6 ali"y yo r dads #oin# to have to #et a New Gor% address, either in 5anhattan or 2rownstone 2roo%lyn, and the chea$est non+Tri$le= st "" in /arroll 7ardens is #oin# to #o "or a!o t NJ;,;;; y an. Ao what Im $ro$osin# is that I ! y a $lace "or yo r "amily, and i" yo r dad ever ma%es eno #h money he can $ay me !ac%. -e can #et a st dent visa "or Aally, and I can #rand"ather yo in. Ao to s$ea%. <a ha. ,nyway, its a #ood investment and I dont mind doin# it, !eca se I love yo . I %now yo hate it when 8enny reads to yo , and I hate readin# too, ! t theres a #reat line !y an old $oet -alt -hitman: ',re yo the New $erson drawn toward 5e3( I sed to thin% that all the time when I wal%ed the streets o" 5anhattan, ! t I dont thin% that anymore, !eca se now I have yo . I wanted to !rin# somethin# $ and I "eel li%e its not really any o" my !eeswa=. I %now yo want yo r "amily sa"e, ! t in some ways, does it ma%e sense to have yo r "ather here, so close to yo and yo r sister3 5ay!e Im old+school, ! t when yo tal% a!o t him wal%in# into the shower when Aally is aro nd, or how yo watched him dra# yo r mother o t o" !ed !y her hair, well, I thin% some $eo$le wo ld call that $hysical and $sycholo#ical a! se. I %now there are c lt ral "actors involved, I j st want yo and yo r sister $rotected "rom a man who o!vio sly cant control his !ehavior, and sho ld !e nder s $ervision and ta%in# medication. The lac% o" !o ndaries is one thin#, ! t the violence so nds li%e it contravenes even /hinese !asic law, "or#et a!o t whatever hi$$ie+ di$$y Acandinavian shit the Norwe#ians have. I ho$e yo ll move into my $lace soon &or we can #et a !i##er $lace i" yo "eel

cla stro$ho!ic*, and then Ill ma%e s re no one ever to ches or h rts yo a#ain. O%ay, my little em$ress $en# in, loo%s li%e Ill !e wor%in# thro #h the wee%end, more Ataatlin# internal st "", ! t every seventh min te I loo% $ at the ceilin# or down at the "loor and $ict re yo r o$en, honest "ace and "eel com$letely serene and com$letely in love. EUNI+T,0D 34 EUNI+T,0D: Im writin# this "or me. One day I want to loo% !ac% at this day and ma%e $eace with what Im a!o t to do. ,ll my li"e has !een a!o t do !ts. 2 t theres no room "or them now. I %now Im too yo n# to have to ma%e this %ind o" decision, ! t this is how thin#s are. I miss Italy sometimes. I miss !ein# a com$lete "orei#ner and havin# no ties to anyone. ,merica mi#ht !e #one com$letely soon, ! t I was never really an ,merican. It was all $retendin#. I was always a Korean #irl "rom a Korean "amily with a Korean way o" doin# thin#s, and Im $ro d o" what that means. It means that, nli%e so many $eo$le aro nd me, I %now who I am. 1ro" 5ar#a = in ,ssertiveness /lass said, 'Go are allowed to !e ha$$y, E nice.( -hat a st $id ,merican idea. Every time I tho #ht o" %illin# mysel" in my dorm room I tho #ht o" what 1ro" 5ar#a = said and j st started howlin# with la #hter. Go re ,88O-ED to !e ha$$y. <a4 8enny always 6 otes this # y Croid who was a $sychiatrist who said that the !est we can do is t rn all o r cra)y misery, all o r $arents ! llshit, into common nha$$iness. Ai#n me $. I wa%e $ ne=t to Joshie "eelin# that way. 2 t also with a little thrill. -e were doin# !r shstro%es with 5. /ohen and I co ldnt !elieve the concentration on Joshies "ace. The way his lower li$ was j st han#in# there li%e a little !oys and he was !reathin# really care" lly, li%e there was nothin# more im$ortant in the world than !r shstro%es. Theres somethin# $ower" l in !ein# a!le to let #o and "oc s on somethin# thats com$letely o tside yo rsel". I # ess Joshie has had a lot o" $rivile#e in his li"e and he %nows what to do with it. ,nd then he noticed I was loo%in# at him, and he j st smiled li%e a little %id and $ lled his li$ in and tried to loo% his a#e, which I dont thin% he can anymore. ,nd I tho #ht, O%ay, Im #oin# to leave 8enny and Im #oin# to s$end my li"e wa%in# $ ne=t to Joshie, #ettin# older every day, while he #ets yo n#er. Theres somethin# ri#ht a!o t that. Its li%e my $ nishment. 5ornin#, a"ternoon, ni#ht, se=, dinner, sho$$in#, whatever it is were doin#, I dont "eel t rned o"" !y Joshie and I dont "eel the o$$osite. I j st want to do !r shstro%es with him and hear that even, even !reathin#. <e has these old sli$$ers that are $er"ectly arran#ed !y his !ed j st so he can sli$ ri#ht into them "irst thin# in the mornin#, ! t theyre too !i# "or him. <e waddles aro nd li%e an old man in them. ,nd thats somethin# I can "i=. I can "i= him. Im so #lad he can ta%e criticism. Cirst thin# I <,FE to do is #et him new sli$$ers. I # ess Im li%e a l c%y version o" my mother with Joshie. 8i%e Croid said, common nha$$iness. 8enny. -ill he ever "or#ive me3 I "eel li%e a recyclin# !in sometimes, with all these thin#s $assin# thro #h me "rom one $erson to another, love, hate, sed ction, attraction, re$ lsion, all o" it. I wish I were stron#er and more sec re in mysel" so that I co ld really s$end my li"e with a # y li%e 8enny. 2eca se he has a di""erent %ind o" stren#th than Joshie. <e has the stren#th o" his sweet t na arms. <e has the stren#th o" $ ttin# his nose in my hair and callin# it home. <e has the stren#th to cry when I #o down on him. -ho IA 8enny3 -ho DOEA that3 -ho will ever o$en $ to me li%e that a#ain3 No one. 2eca se its too dan#ero s. 8enny is a dan#ero s man. Joshie is more $ower" l, ! t 8enny is m ch more dan#ero s. ,ll I wanted to do was have my $arents ta%e com$lete res$onsi!ility "or how " c%ed $ I am. I wanted them to admit that they did wron#. 2 t that doesnt matter to me now. /ommon nha$$iness, as the doctor said, ! t also common res$onsi!ility. I cant j st !e an a! sed little #irl anymore. I have to !e stron#er than my "ather, stron#er than Aally, stron#er than 5ommy. Im sorry, 8enny. I love yo . EUNI+T,0D 34 7O8D5,NN+CO0EFE0: It so nds li%e yo re one ! sy !ee, sweetheart. Im so t rned on when yo wor% so hard, Joshie. Theres nothin# se=ier than a hardwor%in# man, thats how I was !ro #ht $, and that $art o" my $arents I am NOT ashamed o". Ao many emotions are #oin# thro #h me ri#ht now. Its not j st #ratit de "or what yo ve done "or my "amily, it is a dee$, dee$ love. ,m I the New $erson drawn toward Go 3 Ges, I am, Joshie. I sometimes see men and women who are !ea ti" l on the street, ! t theyre !ea ti" l in s ch an o!vio s 5edia way. ,nd yo re the real thin#. Dont worry a!o t the se=, darlin#. Im not some se= monster. <oldin# yo in my arms, ta%in# a shower with yo , scr !!in# yo <,0D with a loo"ah, $ic%in# o t st "" to wear, c ddlin# on the co ch, ma%in# those "at+"ree !l e!erry $anca%es, those are the most " l"illin# thin#s Ive ever done with anyone. J st !ein# in the same room with yo is aro sin#. I miss yo so m ch. Go do NOT have old man arms. Go re m ch stron#er than 8enny, and yo have s ch so"t, #or#eo s li$s. ,ll I need yo to do is %ee$ yo r nec% in #ood sha$e, !eca se yo are #oin# to !e #oin# down there a lot4 <ahaha. 0e: my $arents, I sometimes "eel li%e I tell yo too m ch. I %now its my "a lt, I "eel li%e I need to !la! a!o t them to everyone I love. Unloadin# a!o t my li"e is li%e the only thin# that %ee$s me "rom s$endin# the day inside the re"ri#erator and addin# to my C,T ass. I j st wonder i" Im !ein# "air to them and to yo when I !rin# $ what ha$$ened to me and Aally and my mom. There were #ood times too, yo %now. -hen I was in Tom$%ins 1ar% ri#ht !e"ore the 0 $t re, my "ather as%ed me how I was. I %now dee$ down inside hes a #ood $erson, hes j st had a hard li"e is all and that ma%es me sad. Aometimes when I miss yo , I "eel sad the same way, li%e my whole li"e has !een r shin# toward yo and I cant wait "or s to !e to#ether. U#h, I was j st watchin# a stream o" this Jamaican # y who was !ein# de$orted "rom New Gor% and he was cryin# and his whole "amily was in tears and he was tellin# his da #hter that hed !e !ac% and that it was !est "or them to stay in the city and !e sa"e. I tho #ht I was #oin# to !rea% down in tears too. Did I tell yo I sed to vol nteer with tra""ic%ed ,l!anian women in 0ome3 I wish we didnt have to de$ort anyone. ,nd I cant !elieve yo said theyre #oin# to clear o t o r co+o$ ! ildin#s. 8enny $ t so m ch money into this a$artment and hes #ot all these !oo%s. ,nd what are they #oin# to do with the old $eo$le3 -here are they #oin# to

move them3 Theyll die. Is there somethin# yo can do, sweetheart3 O%ay, 8ennys comin# !ac% home ri#ht now. I can hear him h ""in# and $ ""in#. I #otta r n. <ave a #reat wee%end, Joshie. Go re all I thin% a!o t, dream a!o t. I tr st yo and need yo so m ch. No one has ever !een so wonder" l to me. OCTOBER 21 /<UN7.-ON.1,0K 34 EUNI+T,0D: E nhee, Today we #ot a$$lication "or 8ao -ai $ass$ort than% to yo 4 5r. Ah even call s and tell s that it j st "ormal a$$lication and we already # arantee to move New Gor%. Daddy and me so $ro d o" yo . Amart da #hter4 -e always %now. Even in /atholic when yo #et #ood #rade and then #o Elder!ird. 0emem!er how art teacher in school $raise yo r s$atial s%ill and we thin% she say A1E/I,8 s%ill and we always wonder what it is3 -e saw yo r new "riend Joshie 7oldman, and he is very handsome "or old man m ch yo n#er loo% than 0oommate 8enny. -e are $ro d also yo have s ch im$ortant "riend. 8enny he is not a!le to hel$ yo . <e is 0 ssian. 5ay!e he is comm nist3 ,ll 0 ssians in old time were comm nist !e"ore oil. 2 t i" yo li%e older man we %now in Toronto 5rs. /hois son who is E1, tall and very m shees h and wor% #ood jo! in medical tool ind stry. Than% yo E nhee "or thin%in# o" yo r "amily. 1lease "or#ive yo do not nderstand my En#lish. 7od !less yo always. 8ove, 5ommy OCTOBER 22 A,88GAT,0: I #ot the st dent visa. I dont %now what to say, E nice, j st that I love yo . I %now yo ll always have my !ac%, and not j st !eca se yo re my older sister. Go dont want to hear this, ! t I $ray "or yo every day. I $ray that yo re ha$$y and at $eace with yo rsel". 0emem!er how ha$$y we were as %ids when wed #et <+5art ddo% and mandoo a"ter ch rch3 0emem!er how yo d st "" yo r "ace and cry later !eca se yo tho #ht yo #ained wei#ht3 EUNI+T,0D: Go dont have to than% me, Aally. Im j st #lad yo re sa"e. I cant !elieve yo had to hide in the !asement "or a whole wee%. I cant !elieve what ha$$ened to the Kims da #hter, whats her name3 A,88GAT,0: I dont thin% I want to tal% a!o t that ri#ht now. EUNI+T,0D: I j st "eel # ilty that I wasnt there with yo . A,88GAT,0: Its the %ind o" thin# that ma%es yo "oc s. ,nd now I %now why Im alive. Cor yo and "or 5ommy and "or Daddy. Im #oin# to !e 6 iet, Im not #oin# to act o t 1olitically, and Im #oin# to ma%e s re that nothin# li%e what ha$$ened to Aarah Kim is #oin# to ha$$en to any o" s. Go really are a 'roll( model "or me, E nice, j st li%e 5ommy says. EUNI+T,0D: ,re yo #oin# !ac% to 2arnard3 A,88GAT,0: Theyre closin# 2arnard "or the year, ! t thats "ine. I have to ta%e more 5andarin and Norwe#ian classes all year lon# anyway. EUNI+T,0D: Go ll do #reat, Aally. Go can do anythin# yo set yo r mind to. A,88GAT,0: -hat a!o t yo 3 EUNI+T,0D: < h3 A,88GAT,0: -hat do yo thin% yo want to do ne=t with yo r li"e3 EUNI+T,0D: I dont %now. Joshie can #et me a #reat 0etail jo!, ! t I mi#ht do art+"inance colle#e in 8ondon. A,88GAT,0: Ao thin#s are $retty serio s with him3 <ave yo told 8enny yet3 EUNI+T,0D: No. A,88GAT,0: Go sho ldnt lie to him anymore, E nice. I never told yo this ! t I thin% 8ennys a very nice man, the one time I met him anyway. <e really tried with 5om and Dad. EUNI+T,0D: I %now. Go dont have to tell me. 2 t hes not $er"ect. <e only cares a!o t me when Im $issed at him. ,nyway, Im s re hell "ind another Korean #irl, li%e the h ndred hes already dated. , real nomo cha+%eh #irl, not li%e me. Oh, and I saw some Ima#es o" his e=es !ro%e+ass "aces. 8ennys one o" those white # ys who cant tell a #ood+loo%in# ,sian #irl "rom an #ly one. -e all loo% the same to them. A,88GAT,0: Its none o" my ! siness, ! t I thin% yo sho ld !e really %ind to 8enny, even i" yo !rea% $ with him. Go want to !e "air to him. EUNI+T,0D: I %now, Aally. Ill !e honest. I dont %now i" I /,N !rea% $ with him. I still love him. <es j st so cl eless. 5y $oor 8eonardo Da!ramovinci. <es sittin# ne=t to me now and trimmin# his toenails, smilin# at me "or no #ood reason. I dont %now why, ! t I thin% thats really sad when he smiles li%e that. ,nd I #et %ind o" an#ry too, that he can still have that %ind o" e""ect on me. OCTOBER 24 7O8D5,NN+CO0EFE0 34 EUNI+T,0D: E nice, we have to tal%. I %now yo love me, ! t sometimes yo really dont treat me well. One day yo tell me Im 'the !estest !oy"riend ever( and the ne=t day yo re not s re, yo want s to ta%e some time o"" "rom each other, yo want to rela= thin#s a little. ,nd that ma%es me "eel li%e Im some %ind o" needy asshole, $ shin# yo to tell 8enny a!o t s, $ shin# yo to move in with me, $ shin# yo to ta%e this relationshi$ as serio sly as I ta%e it. Go seem to #et me con" sed with Joshie 7oldmann the hi#h+$ro"ile # y whos tryin# to chan#e the world and whom everyone worshi$s. Im a di""erent man with yo . Im j st a h man !ein# whos in love and nothin# more.

I dont li%e it when yo ma%e me "eel # ilty a!o t all the old $eo$le who are #oin# to !e thrown o t o" 8ennys ! ildin#s. Thats not my de$artment, E nice. I can hel$ yo with yo r $arents and yo r sister, ! t I cant e=actly %ee$ over a h ndred nneeded $eo$le in New Gor%. The I5C calls the t ne now. I thin% Ive done a!o t all I can "or them over the last months, sendin# down "ood and water. 8oo%, I %now Im as%in# yo to ta%e enormo s ste$s, and I %now 8enny re$resents a %ind o" 'emotional( sa"ety net, and thats why yo re stic%in# $ "or him. 2 t dont "or#et that Im ltimately the one that can ass re yo r sa"ety. ,nd I %now that 8enny $ rs ed yo in this ridic lo s over!earin# way and I dont want to re$eat that mista%e. Tho #h I may not act it sometimes, lets not "or#et that Im seventy. ,nd one thin# I can tell yo "rom my e=$erience, E nice, is that yo ll only #et one yo th. ,nd yo !etter s$end it with someone who can ma=imi)e it "or yo , who can ma%e yo "eel #ood and cared "or and loved and, in the lon# r n, someone who wont die a lon# time !e"ore yo , li%e 8enny will. &Atatistically, #iven that hes a 0 ssian male and yo re an ,sian "emale, hell !e #one a!o t twenty years !e"ore yo .* ,m I scared o" how "ast thin#s are #oin# with s3 Go !etter !elieve it4 I loo% at s in the mirror sometimes and I cant !elieve who I am. Every wee% we come closer to#ether, and then every wee% yo do somethin# to ma%e me "eel li%e Im not deservin# o" yo . Go $ sh me away. -hy3 Is it j st in yo r nat re to !e cr el to men3 Then may!e yo can chan#e that $art o" yo r nat re !e"ore its too late. I thin% a!o t yo all the time, E nice. Aometimes yo re the only thin# in this world that still ma%es sense to me. Now GOU have to start thin%in# o" 5E. Im $ here on the #ood old U$$er -est Aide, th m$in# my chest and ma%in# sad a$e so nds and dreamin# o" the day when yo will treat me the way I deserve to !e treated. -eve #ot many years ahead o" s, my sweet ! m!le!ee. 8ets not waste a moment o" $recio s time. Ao#ni doro, as yo li%e to say. 7olden dreams to yo . FOREVER YOUNG FROM THE DIARIES OF LENNY ABRAMOV

NOFE52E0 1; Dear Diary, Today Ive made a major decision: I am going to die. Nothin# o" my $ersonality will remain. The li#ht switch will !e t rned o"". 5y li"e, my entirety, will !e lost "orever. I will !e n lli"ied. ,nd what will !e le"t3 Cloatin# thro #h the ether, tic%lin# the em$ty !elly o" s$ace, ali#htin# over "arms o tside /a$e Town, and crashin# into an a rora a!ove <ammer"est, Norway, the northernmost city o" this shattered $lanet@my data, the so $y !ase o" my e=istence $te=ted to a 7lo!alTeens acco nt. -ords, words, words. Go , dear diary. This will !e my last entry. , month a#o, mid+Octo!er, a # st o" a t mnal wind %ic%ed its way down 7rand Atreet. , co+o$ woman, old, tired, Jewish, "a%e dro$s o" jade s$read across the little sac%s o" her !osom, loo%ed $ at the $endin# wind and said one word: '2l stery.( J st one word, a word meanin# no more than 'a $eriod o" time characteri)ed !y stron# winds,( ! t it ca #ht me naware, it reminded me o" how lan# a#e was once sed, its $recision and sim$licity, its ca$acity "or recall. Not cold, not chilly, !l stery. , h ndred other !l stery days a$$eared !e"ore me, my yo n# mother in a "a =+" r coat standin# !e"ore o r /hevrolet 5ali! /lassic, her hands $rotectively over my ears !eca se my de"ective s%i hat co ldnt !e $ lled down to cover them, while my "ather c rsed and " m!led with his car %eys. The streams o" her worried !reath a#ainst my "ace, the e=citement o" "eelin# !oth cold and $rotected, e=$osed to the elements and loved at the same time. 'It is !l stery, maam,( I said to the old co+o$ woman. 'I can "eel it in my !ones.( ,nd she smiled at me with whatever "acial m scles she still had in reserve. -e were comm nicatin# with words. I ret rned "rom -est! ry to "ind E nice in one $iece, ! t the Fladec% <o ses t rned into shells, their oran#e cara$aces ! rned !lac%. I stood in "ront o" the ho ses with a $osse o" still+em$loyed 5edia # ys in e=$ensive snea%ers, as we eval ated the ja##ed lines o" windows $ast, made $oetry o t o" a lone Aams n# air conditioner dan#lin# !ac% and "orth on its cord in the shallow river !ree)e. -here were the $roject dwellers3 The 8atinos who had once made s so ha$$y to say we were livin# in 'downtowns last diverse nei#h!orhood,( where had they #one3 , Ataatlin# tr c% " ll o" "ive+jiao men $ lled $. The men clam!ered o t and were immediately $resented with tool !elts, which they ea#erly, almost ha$$ily, tied aro nd their shr n%en waists. , r ral lo# tr c% $ lled $ !ehind the "irst. 2 t these werent lo#s stac%ed "ive to a row, these were /redit 1oles, !l nt and ro nd, lac%in# even the adornments o" their $redecessors. They were $ within a day, a new slo#an !illowin# "rom their masts, the o tline o" the new 1arthenon+sha$ed I5C head6 arters in Ain#a$ore, and the words: '8i"e Is 0icher, 8i"e Is 2ri#hter4 Than% Go , International 5onetary C nd4( I met 7race "or a $icnic l nch in the $ar%. Ahe was sittin# on a com"orta!le roc% o tcro$$in# in the Ahee$ 5eadow, a #lacier+ era chaise lon# e. 8ess than hal" a year a#o, the !lood o" a h ndred had washed over the nei#h!orin# $illows o" #rass. In a white cotton dress loosely dra$in# her sho lders, in a $er"ect c rve o" hair dra$in# the concentration o" her "ace, dee$ly $re#nant yet ele#ant in re$ose, she seemed, "rom a"ar, a vision o" somethin# incom$rehensi!ly ri#ht in the world. I wal%ed toward 7race slowly, #atherin# my tho #hts. Now I wo ld have to "i# re o t how to adj st o r "riendshi$ to incl de someone else, someone even smaller and more

innocent than her mother. I co ld see the child already. -hatever her nat re wo ld im$ress $on him &I was told it wo ld !e a !oy*, he was s re to have at least some o" Fishn s " rriness, his ! m!lin# nat re, his %indness and naavet[. It was stran#e "or me to consider a child the $rod ct o" two $eo$le. 5y $arents, "or all their tem$eramental di""erences, were so ali%e that at times I consider them a ni+$arent, made heavy with child !y a Giddish <oly 7host. -hat i" E nice and I had a child to#ether3 -o ld it ma%e her ha$$ier3 Ahe seemed, in recent days, distant "rom me. Aometimes even when she was viewin# her "avorite anore=ic models on ,ss8 = ry, it wo ld a$$ear E nices #a)e was !orin# ri#ht thro #h them into some new dimension devoid o" hi$ and !one. 7race and I dran% watermelon j ice and ate "reshly sliced %im!a$ "rom EDnd Atreet, the $ic%led dai%on radish cr nchin# smartly !etween o r teeth, rice and seaweed coatin# o r mo ths with sea and starch. Normalcy, thats what we were #oin# "or. ,"ter some jo%ey $reliminaries, she $ t on her serio s "ace. '8enny,( she said, 'theres somethin# a little sad I have to tell yo .( 'Oh, no,( I said. 'Fishn and I #ot $ermanent residency in Ata!ility. -ere movin# to Fanco ver in three wee%s.( I "elt the rice e=$andin# in my throat and co #hed into my hand. I !eheld the terms I was #iven. =race. The woman who had loved me the most. <ad listened to me "or the $ast "i"teen years, me with all that melancholy and dysthymia. Hancouver. , northern city, "ar away. 7races arms were aro nd me, and I !reathed in her conditioner and her im$endin# motherhood. Ahe was a!andonin# me. Did she still love me3 Even /he%hovs #ly 8a$tev had an admirer, a woman named 1olina, 'very thin and $lain, with a lon# nose.( ,"ter 8a$tev marries the yo n# and !ea ti" l J lia, 1olina tells him: ',nd so yo are married.B 2 t dont !e neasy> Im not #oin# to $ine away. I shall !e a!le to tear yo o t o" my heart. Only its annoyin# and !itter to me that yo are j st as contem$ti!le as every one else> that what yo want in a woman is not !rains or intellect, ! t sim$ly a !ody, #ood loo%s, and yo th.B Go th4( I wanted 7race to hiss similar words at me, to con"ront me once a#ain "or lovin# someone so yo n# and ine=$erienced, and to ma%e me consider !ein# with her instead o" E nice. 2 t, o" co rse, she didnt. ,nd that made me an#ry. 'Ao how did yo # ys #et /anadian residency3( I as%ed her, not even !otherin# to mod late the acidity o" my tone. 'I tho #ht it was im$ossi!le. The waitin# list is over twenty+three million.( '-e #ot l c%y,( she said. ',nd I have a de#ree in econometrics. That hel$s.( '7racie,( I $ressed on, 'Noah told me a while a#o that Fishn colla!orated with the ,0,, with the 2i$artisans.( Ahe didnt say anythin#, ate her %im!a$. , man and woman conversin# in a rollin# "orei#n lan# a#e wal%ed !ehind a dirty mo ntain o" a Aaint 2ernard whose ton# e was dra##in# alon# the #ro nd "rom the Indian+s mmer heat. 2ehind a scrim o" trees a #ro $ o" "ive+jiao men were di##in# a ditch. One had clearly diso!eyed, !eca se his leader was now a$$roachin# him !earin# somethin# #linty and lon#. The "ive+jiao # y was on his %nees, his hands coverin# his lon#, matted !lond hair. I tried to shield 7races view with my $lastic c $ o" watermelon j ice and $rayed there wo ldnt !e violence. 'Im s re its not tr e,( I contin ed, $ic%in# #rass o"" my jeans as i" this were any other conversation. 'I %now Fishn s a #ood # y.( 'I dont want to tal% a!o t these thin#s,( 7race said. 'Go %now, the three o" yo were always $retty stran#e "riends. 3he bo!s. 8i%e in !oo%s. -ith all that swa##er and camaraderie. 2 t that was never #oin# to wor%. -hen yo were a$art yo were real $eo$le, ! t when yo were to#ether yo were li%e a cartoon.( I si#hed and $ t my head in my hands. 'Im sorry,( 7race said. 'I %now yo loved Noah. Thats no way to s$ea% o" the dead. ,nd I dont %now what ha$$ened with the ,0, and who did what. I j st %now that theres no " t re "or s here. ,nd theres no " t re "or yo either, when yo thin% a!o t it. -hy dont yo come to /anada with s3( 'I dont seem to have yo r connections,( I said, too ro #hly. 'Go have a ! siness de#ree,( she said. 'That co ld $ t yo at the "ront o" the list. Go sho ld try to #et to the Q e!ec !order. Go can ta%e an armored C n# -ah ! s. I" yo ma%e it across le#ally, the /anadians have a s$ecial cate#ory. I thin% its somethin# li%e M8anded Immi#rants. -e can hire a lawyer on the other side to #et to wor% "or yo .( 'Theyll never let E nice in,( I said. '<er ed cation is worthless. 5ajor in Ima#es, minor in ,ssertiveness.( '8enny,( 7race said. <er "ace was near mine, and her vocal !reathin# %e$t $ace with the e=hale o" the wind and the trees. <er hand was $on my chee%, and all the worries o" my li"e were c $$ed and held within. , d ll th d echoed !ehind the trees, metal connectin# with scal$, ! t there was no whim$er, j st the distant, mira#e+li%e si#ht o" a !ody " lly lowerin# itsel" to the #ro nd. 'Aometimes,( she said, 'I thin% yo re not #oin# to ma%e it.( 8ate Octo!er. , "ew days a"ter my l nch with 7race, E nice ver!alled me at wor% and told me to come down immediately. 'Theyre throwin# s all o t,( she said. 'Old $eo$le, everyone. That asshole.( I did not have time to ascertain who the asshole was. I hijac%ed a com$any Town /ar and raced downtown to "ind my in#lorio s red+!ric% h l% o" a ! ildin# s rro nded !y "lat+!ottomed yo n# men in %ha%is and o="ords, and three -a$ach n# /ontin#ency armored $ersonnel carriers, their crews lo n#in# $eacea!ly !eneath an elm tree, # ns at their "eet. 5y a#ed "ellow coo$erators had "illed the am$le $ar%+li%e #ro nds aro nd o r ! ildin#s with their helter+s%elter !elon#in#s, heavy on decre$it creden)as, de"lated !lac% leather co ches, and "ramed $hoto#ra$hs o" their ch !!y sons and #randsons attac%in# river tro t. I "o nd a yo n# # y in the standard+iss e chinos and an ID that read 'Ataatlin# 1ro$erty 0elocation Aervices.( '<ey,( I said, 'I wor% "or 1ost+< man Aervices. -hat the " c%3 I live in one o" these nits. Joshie 7oldmanns my !oss.( '<arm 0ed ction,( he said, #ivin# me an act al $o t with those "at red li$s. 'E=c se me3( 'Go re too close to the river. Ataatlin#s tearin# these down tomorrow. In case o" "loodin#. 7lo!al warmin#. ,nyways, 1ost+ < man has s$ace "or its em$loyees $town.(

'Thats ! ll cra$,( I said. 'Go re j st #oin# to ! ild a ! nch o" Tri$le=es here. -hy lie, $al3( <e wal%ed away "rom me, and I "ollowed thro #h the j m!le o" old women $ro$ellin# themselves o t o" the lo!!y on wal%ers, some o" the more a!le+!odied !a! sh%as $ shin# the wheelchair+!o nd, a collective croonin#, heavier on de$ression than o tra#e, "ormin# a %ind o" a ral tent over the e=ile+in+$ro#ress. ,ll the yo n#er, an#rier $eo$le who lived in the co+o$s were $ro!a!ly at wor%. Thats why they were throwin# s o t at noon. I was ready to #ra! the yo n# Ataatlin# # ys head and to start !ashin# it a#ainst the cement o" my !eloved ! ildin#, my homely re" #e, my sim$le home. I co ld "eel my "athers an#er "indin# a ri#hteo s tar#et. There was somethin# ,!ramovian in this ! )) in my head, in the contin al teeterin# !etween a##ression and victimhood. 'The Joys o" 1layin# 2as%et!all.( 5asada. 7ra!!in# the yo n# man !y one s%inny sho lder, I said to him, '-ait a second, "riend. Go dont own this $lace. This is rivate ro ert!.( ',re yo %iddin#, 7rand$a3( he said, easily throwin# o"" my almost+"orty+year+old #ri$. 'Go to ch me a#ain, I swear Ill ass+$l # yo .( 'O%ay,( I said. '8ets tal% a!o t this li%e h man !ein#s.( 'I am tal%in# li%e a h man !ein#. Go re the one !ein# a !itch. Go ve #ot one day to #et all yo r shit o t or its #oin# down with the ! ildin#.( 'Ive #ot !oo%s in there.( '-ho3( '1rinted, !o nd media arti"acts. Aome o" them very im$ortant.( 'I thin% I j st re"l =ed my l nch.( 'O%ay, what a!o t them3( I said, $ointin# to my elderly nei#h!ors, sh ""lin# o t into the s nli#ht, widows in straw !oaters and s ndresses with $erha$s ! t a "ew years to live. 'Theyre !ein# moved into a!andoned ho sin# in New 0ochelle.( 'New 0ochelle3 ,!andoned ho sin#3 -hy not j st ta%e them strai#ht to the a!attoir3 Go %now these old $eo$le cant ma%e it o tside New Gor%.( The yo n# man rolled his eyes. 'I cant !e havin# this conversation,( he said. I ran into my "amiliar lo!!y, with the twin $ines o" the coo$erative movement inlaid into the shiny, care" lly wa=ed "loor. Old $eo$le were sittin# ato$ tied+ $ ! ndles, awaitin# instr ctions, awaitin# de$ortation. Inside the elevator, two ni"ormed -a$ach n# men were carryin# o t an old woman, 2at 5it)vah?style, on the very chair she had !een sittin# on, her $ ""y, sni""lin# visa#e too m ch "or me to !ear. '5ister, mister,( some o" her "riends were chantin#, withered arms reachin# o t to me. They %new me "rom the worst o" the 0 $t re, when E nice sed to come and wash them down, hold their hands, #ive them ho$e. '/ant yo do somethin#, mister3 Dont yo %now some!ody3( I co ld not hel$ them. /o ld not hel$ my $arents. /o ld not hel$ E nice. /o ld not hel$ mysel". I i#nored the elevators and ran $ the si= "li#hts o" stairs, st m!lin#, hal" alive, into the noontime li#ht "loodin# my NO; s6 are "eet. 'E nice, E nice4( I cried. Ahe was in her sweat$ants and Elder!ird T+shirt, heat risin# "rom her !ody. The "loor was covered with card!oard !o=es she had assem!led, some o" them hal" "illed with !oo%s. -e h ##ed each other and I tried to %iss her at len#th, ! t she $ shed me away and $ointed to the -all o" 2oo%s o t in the livin# room. Ahe made me nderstand that she wo ld $ t to#ether more o" these !o=es and that I was to contin e $ac%in# them with !oo%s. I went !ac% to the livin# room to "ace the co ch where E nice and I had made love "or the second and third time &the !edroom had won the "irst ro nd*. I wal%ed $ to the !oo%case, $ic%ed $ an armload o" vol mes, some o" the Cit)#eraldian and <emin#wayes6 e st "" I had swallowed alon# with an ima#inary #lass o" 1ernod as an NGU nder#rad> the m sty, !rittle Aoviet !oo%s &avera#e $rice one r !le, "orty+nine %o$ec%s* my "ather had #iven me as a way to !rid#e the n"athoma!le #a$ !etween o r two e=istences> and the 8acanian and "eminist vol mes that were s $$osed to ma%e me loo% #ood when $otential #irl"riends came over &li%e any!ody even cared a!o t te=ts !y the time I #ot to colle#e*. I d m$ed the !oo%s into the card!oard !o=es, E nice 6 ic%ly movin# over to re$ac% them, !eca se I was not $lacin# them in an o$timal way, !eca se I was seless at mani$ latin# o!jects and ma%in# the most o t o" the least. -e wor%ed in silence "or the !etter $art o" three ho rs, E nice directin# me and scoldin# me when I made a mista%e, as the -all o" 2oo%s !e#an to em$ty and the !o=es !e#an to #roan with thirty years worth o" readin# material, the entirety o" my li"e as a thin%in# $erson. E nice. <er stron# little arms, the claret o" la!or in her chee%s. I was so than%" l to her that I wanted to ca se her j st a tiny !it o" harm and then to !e# "or "or#iveness. I wanted to !e wron# in "ront o" her, !eca se she too sho ld "eel the hi#h morality o" !ein# ri#ht. ,ll the an#er that had ! ilt a#ainst her d rin# the $ast months was dissi$atin#. Instead, with each arm" l o" !oo%s t m!lin# into their card!oard #raves, I "o nd mysel" "oc sin# on a new tar#et. I "elt the wea%ness o" these !oo%s, their immateriality, how they had "ailed to chan#e the world, and I didnt want to s lly mysel" with their wea%ness anymore. I wanted to invest my ener#ies in somethin# more "r it" l and cond cive to a li"e that mattered. Instead o" ret rnin# to the -all o" 2oo%s "or a "resh !atch, I wal%ed into one o" E nices closets. I went thro #h her intimates, $eered at their la!els, mo thed what I read as i" I were recitin# a $oem: ED,, XA, J icy1 ssy, TotalA rrender, s%y+!l e #ossamer velvet. In the shoe closet, I $l c%ed two #litterin# $airs o" shoes and a lesser set o" some %ind o" shoePsnea%er hy!rid that E nice was "ond o" wearin# to the $ar%, and I carried them into the %itchen. I thr st them at E nice with a smile. '-e dont have that many !o=es le"t,( I said. Ahe shoo% her head. 'J st the !oo%s,( she said. 'Thats all we have room "or. Theyre #oin# to ta%e s to a $lace $town !eca se yo wor% "or Joshie.( Ahe $ t down her $ac%in# ta$e and $o red me a c $ o" co""ee o t o" the Crench $ress, #arnishin# it with soy mil% "rom what wo ld soon no lon#er !e my re"ri#erator. ',t least lets ma%e s re we #et all yo r 5ason 1earson hair!r shes,( I said, ta%in# a si$, then $assin# it to her. Ahe !r shed her thic% mane in ac%nowled#ment. -e %issed, two mo ths, co""ee !reath. <er eyes were closed ! t I had o$ened mine> 'No cheatin#4( she sed to cry o t when I wo ld do that. I $ressed my nose into the #ala=y o" "rec%les, some oran#e, some !rown, some

$lanet+si)ed, others the "ine "loatin# detrit s o" s$ace. '<ow am I #oin# to let yo #o3( I said. Ahe $ lled away. '-hat do yo mean3( she said. 'Nothin#.( -hat did I mean3 There was heat in my tem$les, ! t my "eet were ice. The elevators were " ll o" old $eo$le and their st "", ! t we mana#ed to #et o r !o=es downstairs to the lo!!y, E nice ma%in# s re to hel$ the older $eo$le with their sac%s o" medicine, their tan#les o" hosiery, and all those #ilt+ed#ed "amily $hotos o" !i# and little Jews to#ether. -e %ic%ed my !o=ed li!rary o t to the ! ildin#s "ront lawn and toward the <y ndai Town /ar. The "irst o" Novem!er. Or therea!o ts. -e were moved into two rooms on the U$$er East Aide, a !o=y 19J;s n rses residence on Gor% ,ven e that resem!led a ji#saw $ ))le le"t o t in the rain. Other dis$laced Ataatlin#+-a$ach n# yo n#sters shared the hallways, ! t once they $ee%ed in and saw that every s6 are inch o" o r two rooms was st ""ed with !oo%s, they went into hi#h avoidance mode, even s%irtin# E nice, their coeval in every way. On the day 5edia showed the 7rand Atreet co+o$ ! ildin#s, my s n! rned !ric% !ea ties, comin# down in a clo d o" red !ric%s and #ray ash, I started cryin#, and instead o" com"ortin# me E nice !ecame an#ry. Ahe said when I #ot that emotional it reminded her o" her dad whenever somethin# !ad ha$$ened to him, his loss o" control, altho #h her "ather wo ld #et violent instead o" sad. I loo%ed at her thro #h swollen eyes and said, 'Dont yo see the distinction !etween the two thin#s3 Fiolent and sad.( Ahe "lared the dead smile at me. 'I "eel li%e I dont %now yo sometimes,( she whis$ered in a way that was hardly a whis$er. 'E nice,( I said. '5y a$artment. 5y home. 5y investment. Ill !e "orty in two wee%s and I have nothin#.( I wanted her to say, 'Go have me,( ! t it was not "orthcomin#. I clenched into mysel" and waited "or an ho r, %nowin# her hatred o" me wo ld event ally chan#e to a shade o" $ity. It did. '/ome on, t na+!rain,( she said. '8ets #o to the $ar%. I have an ho r !e"ore wor%.( -e wal%ed into the warm, $leasant day hand in hand. I watched her. I reveled in the mallard way she threw her "eet "orward, the $edestrian aw%wardness o" the !orn so thern /ali"ornian. I saw mysel" in the twin s$heres o" her s n#lasses. I #ras$ed the re"lected smile on my own "ace. <ow many $eo$le are there on this earth who have never %nown what I had %nown in the $ast hal" a year3 Not j st a !ea ti" l womans love ! t her inhabitance. /entral 1ar% was "illed with $eo$le o" at least two castes, to rists and occ $iers, enjoyin# the day. The trees held "ast, ! t the citysca$e was in constant "l =. The s%yscra$ers "ramin# the lower hal" o" the $ar% loo%ed tired o" their history, stri$$ed o" commerce, the e=ec tive $$er "loors starin# down into em$ty lo!!ies and concrete $la)as where lam! %e!a!s and h mm s s$reads once " eled the worlds most storied white+collar wor%"orce. Aoon they wo ld !e re$laced with c rt, smart residential nits with ,ra!, ,sian, and Norse desi#nations. 'Do yo remem!er,( I said to E nice, 'the day yo came !ac% "rom 0ome3 It was J ne 1N. Go r $lane landed at one+twenty. ,nd the "irst thin# we did was ta%e a wal% in the $ar%. I thin% that was aro nd si=. It was #ettin# dar%, and we saw the "irst 8N-I cam$. The ! s driver who later #ot %illed. ,)i)s ,rmy. -hatever ha$$ened to that3 Jes s. Everythin# chan#es so "ast. ,nyway, we too% the s !way $town. I $aid "or ! siness class. I was so tryin# to im$ress yo . Do yo remem!er3( 'I remem!er, 8enny,( she said, !ris%ly. '<ow co ld yo thin% I wo ld ever "or#et that, t na3( -e !o #ht an ice cream "rom a man dressed li%e a nineteenth+cent ry carnival !ar%er, ! t it melted in o r hands !e"ore we even o$ened it. Not wantin# to waste the "ive y an, we dran% it strai#ht "rom the $a$er wra$, then wi$ed the $atches o" chocolate and vanilla "rom each others "aces. '0emem!er,( I tried a#ain, 'the "irst $lace we went to when we came to the $ar%3( I too% her !y the hand and led her $ast the thron#+cho%ed 2ethesda Co ntain, the Angel of the @aters stat e, lily in hand, !lessin# the tiny la%es !elow. Once the "amiliar /edar <ill was in o r si#hts, she t rned aro nd so 6 ic%ly my arm crac%ed within its soc%et. '-hats the matter3( I said. 2 t she was already ta%in# me away "rom my nostal#ia, wal%in# toward sa"er emotional climes. '-hat is it, honey3( I tried a#ain. 'Dont, 8enny,( she said. 'Go dont have to %ee$ tryin#.( '-e can #et o t o" here4( I almost sho ted. '-e can #o to Fanco ver. -e can #et Ata!ility+/anada residency.( '-hy, so yo can !e with yo r =race3( 'No4 2eca se this $lace B( I #est red a " ll two h ndred de#rees with one s$astic arm, tryin# to encom$ass the totality o" what had !ecome o" my city. '-e wont s rvive to#ether in this $lace, E nice. No one can anymore. Only $eo$le with !lood on their hands.( 'Ao dramatic,( E nice said. The way she said it, her tone not j st com$assionless ! t ass red, made me "ear the worst. Ahe was in $ossession o" somethin# I didnt %now a!o t, or may!e %new too well. -e went in a so therly direction via a cemented road, avoidin# the Ahee$ 5eadow, where we had ta%en o r "irst lon# %iss in New Gor%, and all the other sn #, #reen, tender+hearted $laces where we had "o nd love. ,t /entral 1ar% Ao th, !e"ore the row o" recon"i# red Tri$le=es that sed to !e the mansard+roo"ed 1la)a <otel, s rro nded !y the $iles o" horse shit that demarcated the #rass and trees "rom the di""ic lt city, we !oth loo%ed !ac% at the $ar%. 'I have to #o,( she said. '8et me ta%e yo to wor%.( I stood there, not wantin# to lose a min te with her, "eelin# the end drawin# near. '8oo%, the ca!s are !ac%4 <allel jah4 8ets #et one. 5y treat.( I let her #o at Eli)a!eth Atreet, at the 0etail $lace where, co rtesy o" Joshies connections, E nice now sold recycla!le leather wrist!ands "eat rin# avant+#arde re$resentations o" deca$itated 2 ddhas and the words 0U1TU0E NG/ "or two tho sand y an a$iece. I hid !ehind the tr n% o" an e=ha sted r!an tree and watched. Ahe wor%ed alon#side another #irl, a dar%+haired and vol $t o s mem!er o" 2ostons Irish dias$ora, and the stores mana#er, a m ch older woman who intermittently showed $ to stic% her "in#er in the chests o" her nderlin#s and to #rowl at them in ,r#entine+accented En#lish. I watched E nice wor%@dili#ently swee$in# the store with a lovely Thai straw !room, antici$atin# the 6 estions o" the advent ro s /hinese and Crench to rists who sto$$ed !y, and $arryin# them with a toothy smile, tallyin# $ the sales on an old I$$IrIt at the end o" the day, and then, when the last

y an and e ro were acco nted "or, waitin# "or the stores sh tters to close so that she co ld sto$ smilin# and $ t on her s al "ace, the "ace o" a #rave and nmiti#ated dis$leas re. , Town /ar $ lled $ to the c r!, a##ressively st !!in# its nose !etween two $ar%ed cars. , man s$ran# o t "rom the !ac% seat, $ower" l le#s carryin# him into the store. -as it him3 The !ac% o" the head, shorn, #lo! lar, rosy. , cashmere s$ort coat, a little too "ormal and e=$ensive. The #ait3 That ncertain !alance that had "irst made me "all "or him3 I wasnt s re. 2 t so what3 Ao what i" he had come to see her3 <e had #ot her the jo! a"ter all. <e was j st chec%in# $ on his investment. In the store I saw her s$ea%in# to the man, loo%in# $ at him. Those eyes. -hen they too% in im$ortant in"ormation they narrowed and re" sed to !lin%. Then there was the tilt o" the chin. -orshi$" l. I went to a nei#h!orin# !ar, which !oasted some %ind o" idiotic 7allic theme, and !e#an to drin% with some assholes, one o" whom also had $arents "rom the "ormer Aoviet Union and was also named 8yonya in 0 ssian and 8enny in En#lish. <e was a #emolo#ist with !oth 2el#ian and <oly1etro0 ssia citi)enshi$, a !i# # y with oddly delicate hands and the %ind o" o!vio s h mor and nat ral ra$$ort that had always !een denied me. The ni#ht ended with my do$$el#In#er $ nchin# me twice in the stomach, li%e the older !rother I never had@coincidentally, we had ar# ed a!o t the role o" "amily in o r lives@and then #racio sly $ ttin# me into a ca!, "rom which I ali#hted directly onto an innocent U$$er East Aide hed#e o tside the "ormer n rses dormitory where we were ho sed, and there, amidst the early+Novem!er #loom, enjoyed a !rie" coma, my "irst real slee$ in wee%s. Call arrived, the Indian s mmer "inally at an end, the dama#ed city strainin# to re#ain lost #lory. ,lon# those lines, my em$loyers were to throw a shindi# to welcome the visitin# mem!ers o" the 1olit! ro Atandin# /ommittee o" the /hinese 1eo$les /a$italist 1arty. The event wo ld !e held at the Tri$le= o" one o" o r Ataatlin# !oard mem!ers, and wo ld do !le, trendily, as a %ind o" art o$enin#. E nice and I wo%e $ late on the day o" the $arty, and she crawled on to$ o" me and $ressed her ri! ca#e into my "ace and started to close the last j nct re !etween s. It had !een a while. The $ast wee%, I had !een too sad even to thin% o" $hysical love, and o r new #ray s rro ndin#s were too de$ressin#. 'E ny,( I said. '2a!y.( I tried to t rn her aro nd, to #o down on her, !eca se thats what I do !est, !eca se I wasnt s re I co ld deal with seein# her mornin# "ace so close to mine, the sli#ht im$er"ections o" slee$ aro nd the eyes, the nedited $rivate version, m! E nice 1ar%. 2 t she clas$ed her le#s aro nd my swollen torso, and we were instantly to#ether, two lovers on a tiny !ed s rro nded e=cl sively !y !o=es o" !oo%s, wea% li#ht "rom the s6 are $orthole o" a window ill minatin# nothin# a!o t s, save "or the "act that we were one. 'I cant do this,( I remem!er sayin# to mysel" in the mirror a "ew min tes later, while E nice "iddled with the lo sy shower. Ahe #ra!!ed my hand, too% me inside the !ath, and soa$ed $ the #reat twin con"l ences o" my chest and $ !ic hair. I tried to wash her down too, ! t she had her own way o" doin# it, #in#erly and with a loo"ah. Then I did some thin#s wron# with my soa$ and /eta$hil s%in cleanser and she re+did them "or me. Ahe $ t a #reat mess o" conditioner into whats le"t o" my mane and stro%ed it alive. <ow v lnera!le her !ody loo%ed nder the water> how transl cent. 'I cant do this,( I said once more. 'Its o%ay, 8enny,( she said, loo%in# away "rom me. Ahe clam!ered o t o" the shower. '2reathe,( she said. '2reathe "or me.( The art o$enin#P/hinese welcomin# $arty was more "ormal than I had tho #ht. I # ess I sho ld have read the invite more care" lly and dressed in somethin# hi$$er than the dress shirt and slac%s Ive !een trottin# o t since I was a white+collar dor% at a#e twenty. I cant remem!er the name o" the "eat red artist &John 5amoo%ian3 ,stro 1iddle!y3*, ! t I was moved !y his wor%. <e had done a series o" e=treme satellite )oom+ins o" the deadly conditions in $arts o" the middle and the so th o" o r co ntry. The canvases were these r stlin# sil%y thin#s, h n# li%e meat o"" two or three hoo%s that descended "rom the h ndred+"oot+tall ceilin#s o" the Tri$le=, and the wor%s act ally "l ttered a tiny !it when $eo$le wal%ed !y, so that their $resence ne=t to yo "elt li%e that o" a "riend with a wis$ o" a secret. Dead is dead, we %now where to "ile another $ersons e=tinction, ! t the artist $ r$osely )oomed in on the livin#, or, to !e more acc rate, the "orced+to+!e+livin# and the soon+to+!e+dead. 7rainy close+ $s o" $eo$le sin# $eo$le in ways I had never o$enly considered, not !eca se m rder doesnt r n thro #h my veins, ! t !eca se I #rew $ in an era when the !aro6 e was sa"ely held at !ay. ,n old man "rom -ichita witho t eyes, with the eyes $hysically removed, with one o" the eyeholes !ein# "orced o$en !y a la #hin# yo n# man. , woman on a !rid#e, na%ed, "ri))y+haired, somethin# o" o r "ormer civili)ation re$resented !y an ancient N10 tote !a# at her "eet, a smashed+in nose ato$ a !leedin# mo th, "orced to hold her arms $ as somethin# tric%led "rom one arm$it and a whole crowd o" men all wearin# these ma%eshi"t ni"orms &on which one co ld see the insi#nia o" a "ormer $i))a+delivery service* cheerin# !latantly aro nd her, assa lt wea$ons $ointed at her na%edness, an almost !ohemian joy on their nshaven "aces. ,ll the wor%s had these disarmin# titles, li%e St; +loud0 'innesota0 LIMM a;m., which made them even worse, even scarier. There was one called 3he <irthda! (art!0 (hoeni#, with "ive adolescent #irls, anyway, I dont want to tal% a!o t this anymore, ! t these wor%s were ama)in# to see@real art with a doc mentary $ r$ose. The Tri$le= was really one Tri$le= on to$ o" another on to$ o" another, each twisted at a "orty+"ive+de#ree an#le "rom the one !elow, li%e three care" lly stac%ed !ric%s@essentially, a minor s%yscra$er@and then cantilevered over the East 0iver, so that the destroyers o" the visitin# 1eo$les 8i!eration ,rmy Navy $assed !y at eye level, and yo co ld almost reach over and to ch the s r"ace+to+air missile !atteries #listenin# li%e tins o" mint candy on their raised dec%s. ,!o t hal" o" the Tri$le= was the livin# s$ace carved o t "rom the middle o" the three Tri$le=es to "orm a ! sy so %+li%e area !eneath the enormo s s%yli#ht. It was ro #hly the si)e o" the main hall in 7rand /entral Atation, I was told. The s$ace had !een entirely cleared o" " rnit re &or may!e this is how it always was*, e=ce$t "or those "ri#htenin# artwor%s shimmerin# at sho lder level and these little trans$arent c !es, which once yo sat $on them "illed with a red or yellow radiance, in de"erence to the /hinese "la# and o r # ests. The $lace was so "looded with nat ral li#ht that the distinction !etween indoors and o tdoors no lon#er mattered, and at times I "elt I was standin# in a #lass cathedral with the roo" !lown o"". I wanted to con#rat late the artist on his wor%, thats how stron#ly I "elt a!o t it, and to recommend a tri$ o t to my $arents -est! ry so that he co ld see a di""erent, more ho$e" l ta%e on $ost+0 $t re ,merica. 2 t they had this #immic%y thin# #oin# on,

where, any time someone a$$roached the artist whom he didnt %now or didnt li%e the loo%s o", these s$i%es shot $ "rom the "loor all aro nd him and yo had to !ac% away. <e was act ally a nice+loo%in# # y, %ind o" s6 are+jawed ! t with somethin# mil%y, almost 5idwestern, in his eyes, and he was wearin# this co #ar+$rint shirt and an old+school $instri$ed ,rmani jac%et which was "estooned with random n m!ers made o t o" mas%in# ta$e. <e was ! sy tal%in# to a wildly emotive $ost+,merican doyenne dressed in a cheon#sam covered with dra#ons and $hoeni=es. The moment I a$$roached them, the s$i%es shot o t "rom the "loor aro nd him, and some o" the servin# #irls in Onions%ins who were standin# ne=t to the artist j st #ave me the old "amiliar loo% that denoted I was not a h man !ein#. 4h well, I tho #ht. ,t least the art was #reat. , lot o" yo n# 5edia $eo$le were han#in# aro nd one another $rotectively, cl sters o" !oys and sometimes #irls in $ro$er s its and dresses, tryin# to im$ress their !etters ! t clearly lost in the immensity o" the $lace. ,nyway, they were j st so ha$$y to !e there, to !e "ed, to drin% their r m and Tsin#taos, to !e a $art o" society, and to avoid the "ive+jiao lines. I wondered i" they had ever heard o" Noah or %new how he had died. 8i%e all the 5edia $eo$le le"t in the city, they were wearin# !l e !ad#es handed o t !y Ataatlin#+-a$ach n# that read '-e Do O r 1art.( The Ataatlin#+-a$ach n# !i#wi#s were dressed li%e yo n# %ids, a lot o" vinta#e _oo Gor% 2asic /rac%er hoodies "rom the D;;;s, and tons o" dechroni"ication, ma%in# me thin% they were act ally their own children, ! t my I$$IrIt in"ormed me that most o" them were in their "i"ties, si=ties, or seventies. Aometimes I saw someone who I tho #ht had !een one o" my Inta%es, and I tried to say hi, ! t they co ld not really com$rehend me in this #lamoro s conte=t. I noticed that none o" o r clients or o r directors wore I$$IrIti, only the servants and 5edia "ol%. <oward Ah had told me that more than once: The tr ly $ower" l dont need to !e ran%ed. It made me "eel conscio s o" the shiny, war!lin# $e!!le aro nd my nec%. I $assed !y some 5edia twentysomethin#s streamin# at one another and overheard the little tid!its o" ver!allin# that always de$ressed me. 'Did yo %now Novem!er is !i%e wee%3( 'Theres nothin# wron# with her e=ce$t shes com$letely " c%ed $.( '-hen they say M1D ;m. does that mean noon or midni#ht3( Ne=t to a cl ster o" Atatoil<ydro e=ecs, r ddy elon#ated Norwe#ians and $$er+caste Indians as tall as Norwe#ians, I s$otted E nice and her sister, Aally, tal%in# to Joshie. ,s I !e#an to ma%e my way over to them, I $assed one o" the $ieces showin# a dead man $erched $on the "amily co ch in Omaha, a # y a!o t my a#e, $art Native ,merican !y the loo%s o" him, with his "ace cree$in# sli#htly o"" his s% ll and the eyes eerily silenced, as i" they had j st !een erased &'an interestin# narrative strate#y,( someone was sayin#*. The $ict re was no less harrowin# than anythin# else aro nd me, the # y was merci" lly dead, ! t "or some reason I !ecame a#itated j st loo%in# at it, and my ton# e went dry, stic%in# $ain" lly to the roo" o" my mo th. I did what everyone event ally did: loo%ed away. I want to tal% a!o t their clothes. This seems im$ortant to me. Joshie was wearin# a cashmere s$ort coat, wool tie, and cotton dress shirt, all J icy1 ssyO5en@a sli#htly more "ormal a$$ro=imation o" the same clothes E nice had chosen "or me. Ahe was wearin# a Crench+!l e two+$iece /hanel !o cl[ s it with a "a =+$earl center and %nee+hi#h leather !oots, so that all o" her was concealed e=ce$t "or the tiny #low o" her shar$ %neeca$s. Ahe loo%ed less li%e a woman than a #i"t. Aally was also overdressed "or the occasion, a $instri$ed s it and the $in$ric% o" a #olden cross aro nd the so"t $ad o" her nec%. I noticed the !e#innin#s o" two hard+won la #h lines, and a chin dominated !y a sin#le disarmin# dim$le. -hen I a$$roached them, !oth sisters sto$$ed tal%in# to Joshie and $ t their hands to their mo ths. ,nd then, a$ro$os o" nothin#, I reali)ed what was !otherin# me a!o t the $ict re o" the dead # y on the co ch in Omaha. ,t the corner o" the wor%, !eyond a scatterin# o" yo th" l $ersonal e""ects heavy on strin# instr ments and o!solete la$to$s, a !itch lay dead, a 7erman she$herd shot $oint+!lan%, a li#htnin# !olt o" !lood s$illin# across the war$ed livin#+ room "loor. , $ $$y o" ne#li#i!le wee%s, may!e days, had sta%ed its "ront $aws on the dead animals e=$osed stomach, astride her still+swollen teats. Go co ldnt see the $ $$ys "ace, ! t yo co ld tell its ears were alert and its tail was t c%ed nder its rear, "rom either sadness or "ear. -hy, o" all thin#s, did this worry me so3 I !lan%ed "or a second, catchin# snatches o" what Joshie was sayin#. 'I met him thro #h the s%ater scene.B( 'I come "rom a di""erent ! d#etin# c lt re.B( '-hen yo thin% a!o t it, the ca$italist system is more entrenched in ,merica than anywhere else in the world.B( ,nd then his arm was aro nd me and we were wal%in# away "rom the #irls. I cannot recall o r e=act s rro ndin#s when he #ave me his s$eech. -e were lost in ne#ative s$ace, his closeness the only thin# I co ld still clin# to. <e s$o%e o" the seventy years in which he had not %nown love. <ow n"air that had !een. <ow m ch love he had to #ive> how I had, in some ways, !een a reci$ient o" that love. 2 t now he needed somethin# di""erent: intimacy, closeness, yo th. -hen E nice "irst wal%ed into his a$artment, he knew. <e $ic%ed $ my I$$IrIt and $rod ced a st dy on how 5ay+Decem!er relationshi$s li"ted the li"es$an ceilin#s "or !oth $artners. <e s$o%e o" $ractical thin#s, my $arents in -est! ry. <e co ld move them to a sa"er, $eri$heral re#ion, li%e ,storia, Q eens. <e s$o%e o" how we needed to s$end some time a$art, ! t how event ally the three o" s co ld reconcile. '-e co ld !e li%e a "amily someday,( he said, ! t when he mentioned "amily, I co ld thin% only o" my "ather, my real "ather, the 8on# Island janitor with the im$enetra!le accent and tr e+to+li"e smells. 5y mind t rned away "rom what Joshie was sayin#, and I $ondered my "athers h miliation. The h miliation o" #rowin# $ a Jew in the Aoviet Union, o" cleanin# $iss+stained !athrooms in the Atates, o" worshi$in# a co ntry that wo ld colla$se as sim$ly and inele#antly as the one he had a!andoned. I lost trac% o" where I was, ntil Joshie !ro #ht me !ac% to E nice and Aally, who were holdin# hands and starin# $ into the !l e $ortal o" the s%yli#ht, as i" awaitin# deliverance. '5ay!e yo and 8enny sho ld !e alone ri#ht now,( he said to E nice. 2 t she wo ldnt let #o o" her sister and she wo ld not loo% into my eyes. They stood to#ether, silent, with their little chests thr st o t ahead o" them, their eyes 6 iet and !lan%, the seemin#ly endless contin ation o" their lives stretched o t !e"ore them into the three dimensions o" the Tri$le=. -ords !ro%e o t o" me. At $id words. The worst "inal words I co ld have chosen, ! t words nonetheless. 'Ailly #oose,( I said to E nice. 'Go sho ldnt have worn s ch a warm s it. Its still a t mn. ,rent yo hot3 ,rent yo hot, E nice3( There was hi#h+$itched yellin# "rom the direction o" the vesti! le, not "ar "rom where we were, and <oward Ah was

s$rintin# ahead li%e a #or#eo s #reyho nd, sho tin# thin#s at many $eo$le. The /hinese dele#ation had arrived. Two #iant !anners "loated into the air, held alo"t !y an invisi!le "orce, as the o$enin# !ars o" ,l$havilles 'Corever Go n#( &'8ets dance in style, lets dance "or a while(* !lared in the !ac%#ro nd. -elcome to ,merica D.;: , 78O2,8 1artnershi$3:IS Is New Gor%: 8i"estyle < !, Tro$hy /ity , series o" lo d $o$s e=$loded in the air, remindin# me o" tracer "ire d rin# the 0 $t re. Cirecrac%ers were !ein# la nched "rom the center o" the so %+li%e s$ace and thro #h the enormo s s%yli#ht a!ove s. ,s the "irst !atch went o"", I saw Aally crin#e and raise her arm $rotectively. Then there was a $ sh to #et to the "ront to see the /hinese. I let the !odies wash over me, the yo n# octo#enarians, wearin# ironic John Deere T+ shirts and tr c%ers ca$s that !arely contained their masses o" sil%y new hair. Ae$arated "rom the $eo$le I loved, $ shed o t o" the #lass ho se, I "o nd mysel" in the winter+cold air, !y a $halan= o" limo sines !earin# the insi#nia o" the 1eo$les /a$italist 1arty, !y a row o" Tri$le=es cantilevered over the CD0 Drive and the East 0iver. There had once !een ho sin# $rojects here and a street called ,ven e D. 5edia $eo$le ran $ast me as i" there was a "ire somewhere, as i" tall ! ildin#s were ! rnin#. I was loo%in# so th. I sho ld have !een thin%in# a!o t E nice, mo rnin# E nice, ! t it wasnt ha$$enin# at the moment. I wanted to #o home. I wanted to #o home to the NO; s6 are "eet that sed to !e mine. I wanted to #o home to what sed to !e New Gor% /ity. I wanted to "eel the $resence o" the mi#hty < dson and the an#ry, !esie#ed East 0iver and the #reat !ay that stretched o t "rom the $ediment o" -all Atreet and made s a $art o" the world !eyond. I went !ac% to o r rooms in the n rses dormitory. I sat down on the hard !ed and cl tched the !eds$read, then $ressed my $illow into the e6 ivalent so"tness o" my stomach. The central air conditionin# was still on, "or some reason. The room was "ree)in#. /old sweat tric%led down my chin, and my !oo%s "elt cold to the to ch. The wetness con" sed me, and I to ched my eyes to ma%e s re I wasnt cryin#. I tho #ht o" the "irecrac%ers #oin# o"". I heard their harsh, nnecessary noise. I saw Aallys arm raised a#ainst the $hantom $ nch a!o t to !e landed. The loo% on her "ace was $leadin#, ! t still lovin#, still !elievin# that it co ld !e di""erent, that at the last moment somethin# wo ld #ive way, that the "ist wo ld "all !y his side, and they wo ld !e a "amily. In the !athroom, E nices aller#y medications and tam$ons and e=$ensive lotions were already #one@Joshie m st have sent someone down to ta%e them@! t a !ottle o" /eta$hil 7entle A%in /leanser remained in the corner o" the t !. I t rned on the shower, clim!ed in, and $o red the /eta$hil over mysel". I r !!ed it into my sho lders, my chest, my arms, and my "ace. ,nd I stood there in the waters $ain" l heat, my s%in at last as #entle and clean as the !ottle $romised. ELCOME BACK" PA$DNER NOTES ON THE NE %PEOPLE$S LITERATURE PUBLISHING HOUSE& . ABRAMOV DIARIES / EDITION OF THE LENNY

8,00G ,20,<,5 2onnini0 3uscan %ree State 1) -hen I was yo n#, I loved my $arents so m ch it co ld have 6 ali"ied as child a! se. 5y eyes watered each time my mother co #hed "rom the ',merican chemicals in the atmos$here( or my "ather cl tched at his !elea# ered liver. I" they died, I died. ,nd their deaths always seemed !oth imminent and a matter o" "act. -henever I tried to $ict re my $arents so ls I tho #ht o" these $er"ectly white 0 ssian snow!an%s I saw in history !oo%s on the Aecond -orld -ar, all those arrows !ein# drawn into 0 ssias heart alon# with the names o" 7erman $an)er divisions. I was a dar% !lemish $on these snow!an%s. 2e"ore I was even !orn, I had dra##ed my $arents away "rom 5oscow, a city where en#ineer 1a$a didnt have to overt rn waste!as%ets "or a livin#. I had dra##ed them away j st so the "et s inside my mother, that future-1enn!, co ld have a !etter li"e. ,nd one day 7od wo ld $ nish me "or what I had done to them. <e wo ld $ nish me !y %illin# them. 5y "ather drove a ty$ical ninety miles $er ho r in his !oat+li%e /hevrolet 5ali! /lassic, swervin# "rom one lane to another as his mood dictated, and eyein# the concrete median with nconcealed #lee. <e act ally "li$$ed over that median on one occasion and th ndered into a tree, !rea%in# the !ones o" his le"t hand, which %e$t him "rom his c stodial d ties "or a month &'8et the /hinamen cho%e on their #ar!a#e4(*. One winter day, my "ather was many ho rs late in $ic%in# $ my mother "rom her secretarial d ties, and I was certain he had done the tree mane ver once more. There they were: their "aces wide and "ro)en, their thic% Jewish li$s an nnat ral $ r$le, shards o" #lass $on their "oreheads, dead in some cr el 8on# Island ditch. -here wo ld they #o when they died3 I tried to $ict re this <eavenly $lace o" childhood r mor. It loo%ed, accordin# to the adolescent sa#es amon#st s, li%e the "airyland castle o t o" the "r stratin# wi)ards+and+swords+and+na%ed+maidens com$ ter #ame we all $layed> it loo%ed, oddly eno #h, li%e a co$y o" the chea$ #arden+a$artment com$le= where my "amily lived, only with t rrets. ,n ho r $assed. ,nd then another. -ee$in# and hicc $s on my $art, my mind jo rneyin# to my $arents " neral. Ayna#o# es have no !ells, yet !ells were tollin#, dee$ and sonoro s and thoro #hly 0 ssian. , #a##le o" "aceless, dar%+s ited ,mericans had to !e conscri$ted to carry the two cas%ets down a windin# $ath covered on !oth sides with that te=t!oo% 5oscow snow. That was all that was le"t o" my $arents, cr el snow on !oth sides o" the " neral $ath, snow too cold and dee$ "or my s$oiled ,merican "eet, which %new mostly the warm sha# car$et sta$led hal"heartedly to o r livin#+room "loor !y a retarded ,merican man named ,l. , %ey !e#an to t rn in the loc%. I s$ran#, #a)elle+li%e, to the door, chantin# '5ama4 1a$a4( 2 t it wasnt them. It was Nettie Cine. , woman too sta!le, too sweet, too no!le to !e an ,!ramov, no matter how hard she tried to $ic% $ o r "ine 0 ssian $hrases

@'(riglashaiu vas 6a-stol( &'I invite yo to the ta!le(*@no matter the rich, sil%y te=t re o" her homemade !orscht, a reci$e inherited "rom her 7omel+!orn #reat+#reat+#reat+#randmother &how the hell do these native+!orn Jews %ee$ trac% o" their endless #enealo#y3*. No, she wo ld not do. The "act was that when she %issed my chee% it didnt h rt a"terward, nor did it smell o" onions. Ao to the devil with her #ood intentions, as my $arents mi#ht say. Ahe was an alien, a tres$asser, a woman I co ldnt love !ac%. -hen I saw her at the door, I threw the "irst and last $ nch o" my li"e. It connected with her s r$risin#ly narrow mid+torso, where the last o" her three !oys had j st #estated in "ine, c shy com"ort. -hy did I $ nch her3 2eca se she was alive while my arents were dead. 2eca se now she was all I had le"t. Ahe did not "linch "rom my ridic lo s assa lt. Ahe sat down and $ t me on her la$, held my tiny nine+year+old hands, and let my cry $on the tanned in"inity o" her scented nec%. 'Im sorry, 5iss s Nettie,( I wailed in a 0 ssian accent, "or altho #h I was !orn in the Atates my $arents were my only con"idants, and their lan# a#e was my sacred, "ri#htened one. 'I thin% they die in car4( '-ho died in the car3( Nettie as%ed. Ahe e=$lained to me that my "ather had called and as%ed her to watch me "or an ho r !eca se my mother was held $ at her o""ice. 2 t %nowin# they were sa"e wo ld not sto$ my tears. '-e all die,( Nettie told me, a"ter she had "ed me a $owdered+cocoa+and+"r it concoction she called 'the chocolate !anana,( whose in#redients and manner o" $re$aration I still dont nderstand. '2 t someday yo ll have children too, 8enny. ,nd when yo do yo ll sto$ worryin# a!o t yo r $arents dyin# so m ch.( '-hy, 5iss s Nettie3( '2eca se yo r children will !ecome yo r li"e.( Cor a moment at least, that made sense. I co ld "eel the $resence o" another, someone even yo n#er than mysel", a %ind o" $rototy$ical E nice $erson, and the "ear o" $arental death was trans"erred $on her sho lders. ,ccordin# to the records o" the Os$edale Aan 7iovanni in 0ome, Nettie Cine died o" com$lications "rom '$ne monia( only two days a"ter I had seen her at the em!assy, a"ter we had tal%ed lo dly in the hallway a!o t the " t re o" o r co ntry. Ahe was $er"ectly hale when I saw her, and the records o" her treatment were scant eno #h to a$$ear satirical. I do not %now who sent me those 7lo!alTeens messa#es "rom a 'sec re( address, incl din# the one as%in# me which "erry Noah had !oarded, seconds !e"ore it was destroyed. Ca!ri)ia DeAalva died in a s $$osed motorino accident one wee% !e"ore the 0 $t re. I never had children. 2) Aince the "irst edition o" my diaries and E nices messa#es was $ !lished in 2eijin# and New Gor% two years a#o, I have !een acc sed o" writin# my $assa#es with the ho$e o" event al $ !lication, while even less %ind so ls have acc sed me o" slavish em lation o" the "inal #eneration o" ,merican 'literary( writers. I wo ld have to disa! se the reader o" this notion. -hen I wrote these diary entries so many decades a#o, it never occ rred to me that an! te=t wo ld ever "ind a new #eneration o" readers. I had no idea that some n%nown individ al or #ro $ o" individ als wo ld !reach my $rivacy and E nices to $illa#e o r 7lo!alTeens acco nts and $ t to#ether the te=t yo see on yo r screen. Not to say that I wrote in a vac m, entirely. In many ways, my doodlin#s $resa#e the diaristic "lood o" contem$orary Aino+,merican writers@"or e=am$le, Johnny -eis <o!0 Is '! Ass 3ired &Tsin#h a+/ol m!ia* and /rystal -ein!er#+/has 3he +hildrens Eoo Is +losed &, dacio s, <A2/+8ondon*@that a$$eared a"ter the 1eo$les /a$italist 1arty iss ed its 'Ci"ty+one 0e$resents( "o r years a#o, the last o" which sho ted to the masses: 'To write te=t is #lorio s4( Des$ite the a! se hea$ed $on me in my "ormer homeland, I am heartened !y some o" the reviews in the 1eo$les 0e$ !lic itsel". -ritin# in the %armers 2ail!, the levelheaded /ai Xian#!ao anoints my diaries as . That is $recisely ri#ht. I am not a writer. ,nd yet what I had written was, as Xian#!ao $ t it, 'a tri! te to literat re as it once was Vem$hasis mineW.( 2 t as the Atateside critics have nanimo sly a#reed, the #ems in the te=t are E nice 1ar%s 7lo!alTeens entries. They '$resent a welcome relie" "rom 8ennys relentless navel+#a)in#,( to 6 ote Je""rey Achott+8i in whorefuckrevu. 'Ahe is not a !orn writer, as !e"its a #eneration reared on Ima#es and 0etail, ! t her writin# is more interestin# and more alive than anythin# else I have read "rom that illiterate $eriod. Ahe can !e !itchy, to !e s re, and theres the $atina o" $$er+middle+class entitlement, ! t what comes thro #h is a real interest in the world aro nd her@an attem$t to ne#otiate her way thro #h the $recario s le#acy o" her "amily and to "orm her own o$inions a!o t love and $hysical attraction and commerce and "riendshi$, all set in a world whose cr elties #rad ally !e#in to mirror those o" her own childhood.( I wo ld add that, whatever one may say a!o t my "ormer love, and whatever terri!le thin#s she has written a!o t me, nli%e her "riends, nli%e Joshie, nli%e mysel", nli%e so many ,mericans at the time o" o r co ntrys colla$se, E nice 1ar% did not $ossess the "alse idea that she was s$ecial. 3) ,"ter I le"t New Gor%, I lived in Toronto, Ata!ility+/anada, "or the !etter $art o" a decade, where I chan#ed my worthless ,merican $ass$ort to a /anadian one and my name "rom 8enny ,!ramov to 8arry ,!raham, which seemed to me very North ,merican, a to ch o" leis re s it, a to ch o" Old Testament. In any case, "ollowin# my $arents death, I co ld not stomach the idea o" !earin# the name they had #iven me and the s rname that had "ollowed them across the ocean. 2 t event ally I crossed that ocean mysel". I cashed in my remainin# Ataatlin# $re"erred stoc%, #athered all the y an I had, and moved to a small "armho se in the Faldarno Falley o" the T scan Cree Atate. I wanted to !e in a $lace with less data, less yo th, and where old $eo$le li%e mysel" were not des$ised sim$ly "or !ein# old, where an older man, "or e=am$le, co ld !e considered !ea ti" l. , "ew years a"ter my "inal immi#ration, I heard that Joshie 7oldmann was comin# to the "ract red Italian $enins la. Aome jer% "rom 2olo#na had made a doc mentary a!o t the heyday o" 1ost+< man Aervices, and the medical school o" the niversity had "lown in whatever was le"t o" Joshie. '-ere all #oin# to die,( 7race Kim once said to me, echoin# Nettie Cine. 'Go , me, Fishn , E nice, yo r !oss, yo r clients,

everyone.( I" any $art o" my diaries yields anythin# resem!lin# the tr th, it is 7races lament. &Or $erha$s it is no lament at all.* Onsta#e, my ersat) $a$as "ace, initially contorted into a serio s academic e=$ression, 6 ic%ly "ell a$art, and he !e#an to twitch "rom the recently discovered Ka$asian Tremors associated with the reversal o" dechroni"ication. Droolin# ma#ni"icently over his inter$reter, he told s, witho t $ream!le or a$olo#y: '-e were wron#. The antio=idants were a dead end. There was no way to innovate new technolo#y in time to $revent com$lications arisin# "rom the a$$lication o" the old. 'O r #enocidal war on "ree radicals $roved more dama#in# than hel$" l, h rtin# cell lar meta!olism, ro!!in# the !ody o" control. In the end, nat re sim$ly wo ld not yield.( ,nd, li%e an idiot, I started to "eel sorry "or him. -hen the clients !e#an to die, when the tremors started and the or#ans "ailed, the Ataatlin#+-a$ach n# !oard o" directors "ired Joshie. <oward Ah too% over 1ost+< man Aervices and made o" it what hed always ima#ined, an enormo s li"estyle !o ti6 e dolin# o t s$a a$$ointments and li$+enhancement s r#ery. E nice le"t Joshie even !e"ore the decline !e#an. I %now little a!o t the yo n# man she le"t him "or, ! t what in"ormation I have $oints to a $erson o" $er"ectly decent tem$erament and controlled am!ition, a Acotsman. Cor a time, at least, I %now they made a home to#ether o tside o" ,!erdeen, a city in the northern reaches o" <A2/+8ondon. Their relationshi$ was the only $rod ct o" the one semester she had s$ent at 7oldsmiths /olle#e in 8ondon $ro$er, where she had attem$ted to st dy art or "inance with Joshies enco ra#ement. ,"ter Joshie had "inished his war!lin#, I ran o t o" the a ditori m. I didnt want to as% him what it was li%e to %now that he was a!o t to die. Even at this late date, even a"ter he had !etrayed me, the "o ndation myth !etween s $recl ded that 6 estion. 4) 8ast winter, I visited my 0oman "riends 7iovanna and 1aolo at their co ntry home, a "o rteenth+cent ry stone !arn in the direction o" Orvieto. I s$ent the "irst ni#ht !eneath the wide+!eamed tim!er ceilin# o" the redesi#ned livin# room, drin%in# my allotted Aa#rantino di 5onte"alco, marvelin# at the recently ! ilt alcoves and wooden shelves, which with their ro #h+ed#ed sim$licity com$lemented the !arns a#e, and also s rveyin#, with a %indly #lare, my $retty yo n#er "riends and their #or#eo s "ive+year+old %id, a 0 ssian ado$tee already an e=$ert at 5andarin and /antonese, whose wis$y !lond hair re! %ed his $arents dar% $hysio#nomies. -ood smo%e "illed the room, !athin# s all in a sweet ol"actory #low. -e were tal%in#, $lacidly des$ite the wine inta%e, a!o t #lo!al warmin# and the end o" h man li"e on earth. The Italians were descri!in# o r role on the $lanet as that o" !othersome horse"lies, and the $lanets sel"+re# latin# ecosystems as a %ind o" #i#antic "ly+swatter. I co ld not nderstand how, as $arents, my "riends co ld even !e#in to ima#ine the e=tin# ishin# o" their sons world, and, $erha$s sensin# that this to$ic was de$ressin# me, and %nowin# that I $ro!a!ly had ! t a decade or two to live mysel", the master and mistress o" the ho se $rom$tly #ot $ to deliver an anti!iotic shot to a sic% $ri)ed #oat. ,s the evenin# wore on, my "riends received still more visitors, two yo n# /inecittR actresses j st arrived "rom 0ome. They had no idea who I was, ! t we soon learned that one o" these #lamoro s yo n# $ersona#es had j st !een char#ed with $layin# E nice 1ar% in a new /inecittR video s$ray o" my diaries. The hac%s at <en#dian -orld At dios in _hejian# had already cloc%ed in one artistic disaster with their 1enn! f "un! Su er Sad 3rue 1ove series, and now the Italians were havin# a #o at it. 'I have to do this with my "ace4( the actress $layin# E nice said, $ llin# at her eyelids and then stic%in# o t her $$er "ront teeth. Ahe then la nched into a "airly acc rate rendition o" a s$oiled $re+0 $t re /ali"ornia #irl while her "riend hastened to a$$ro$riate the l c%less ,!ramov. '5y t na+!rain4 5y jer%+"ace4 5y nerd+"ace4( the "irst actress !elted o t, as her collea# e, in the role o" ,!ramov, "ell $rostrate on the #ro nd at her "eet, wee$in# hysterically. This $rom$ted my "riends "ive+year+old son to j m$ $ and down aro nd them, tryin# to mimic the " nny En#lish words. 5y "riends smiled warily at me and tried to si#nal the actresses to end their $er"ormance. Nonetheless, I $resented a s !d ed mien. I set my mo th into its own version o" E nices dead smile and let the la #hter come o t o" me li%e the "irst co #hs o" water "rom a "ro)en $i$e. I had !een mechanically la #hin# "or some time when I reali)ed that the /inecittR actress $layin# E nice was sin# her $er"ormance as a s$rin#!oard "or a lon#+winded criti6 e o" ,merica, reachin# as "ar !ac% as the 0ea#an era, to a time when even her arents were not yet !orn. Oh, #ive it $, I tho #ht. Americas gone. ,ll these years, and still a visceral hatred "or a co ntry that had destr cted so s ddenly, s$ectac larly, irreversi!ly. -hen wo ld it end already3 <ow lon# wo ld we !e "orced to attend this malevolent wa%e3 ,nd then, !e"ore I co ld sto$ mysel", I reali)ed what was ha$$enin# to me. I had !e# n to #rieve. Cor all o" s. Cor Joshie and E nice and her $arents and sister and 7rill!itch a.%.a. Jenny Kan#, and "or the land that still sh dders !etween 5anhattan and <ermosa 2each. There was only one way to sto$ the yo n# actresss diatri!e. 'Theyre dead,( I lied. D+osa&B 'They didnt s rvive.( ,nd I laid o t a scenario "or the "inal days o" 8enny ,!ramov and E nice 1ar% more #r esome than any o" the #risly in"ernos s$lashed on the walls o" the nei#h!orin# cathedral. The yo n# Italians #rew annoyed !y this s dden end to their levity. They stared at me, at each other, and then at the !ea ti" lly laid wooden "loors leadin# o t to the $er#ola, !eyond which a ta!lea o" olive trees and #rain "ields, arrested !y winter, dreamed o" a new li"e. Cor a while at least, no one said anythin#, and I was !lessed with what I needed the most. Their silence, !lac% and com$lete. ACKNO LEDGMENTS -ritin# a !oo% is real hard and lonely, let me tell yo . I am so #rate" l that I have a #enero s #ro $ o" readers who li"t $ their red $ens and challen#e me to do !etter. David E!ersho""s editin# o" the many dra"ts o" this !oo% was tr ly heroic. <ere is that rare "ind, an editor who is also a !rilliant a thor, !rimmin# with emotional intelli#ence and real love "or o r old dear "riend, the sentence. Denise Ahannon has !een a #reat a#ent and terri"ic reader "or over a decade, thro #h tales o" immi#rant an#st, "at #an#ster sons, and now this. Aara <olloway o"

=ranta o""ered tho #ht" l advice carrier+$i#eoned across the ,tlantic. ,nd any 0andom <o se a thor who has Jynne 5artin on their case is l c%y indeed. I want to than% my research assistant, ,le= 7ilvarry, "or hel$in# me nderstand how science wor%s. &,$$arently were all made $ o" many cells.* <e has hel$ed me ! rrow into the wor%s o" two thin%ers who have in"l enced this vol me: 0ay K r)weil, a thor o", amon# many !oo%s, 3he Singularit! Is NearI @hen :umans 3ranscend <iolog! and %antastic Ho!ageI 1ive 1ong "nough to 1ive %orever, and , !rey de 7rey, a thor o" "nding AgingI 3he Re*uvenation <reakthrough 3hat +ould Reverse :uman Aging in 4ur 1ifetime. The ,merican ,cademy in 2erlin, the /ivitella 0anieri /enter in Um!ria, Italy, and the /or$oration o" Gaddo have all #iven me s$lendid shelter and mo thwaterin# "are. There are so many dear $eo$le who have #one thro #h the n mero s dra"ts o" this !oo%. I %now Im leavin# o t at least a hal"+do)en o" them, ! t thats only !eca se my memory has ta%en a !eatin# over the years. Cor everyone who has hel$ed me with this !oo%, $lease acce$t my love and #ratit de. ,mon# them: Elisa ,l!ert, Do # /hoi, ,drienne Day, Josh a Cerris, 0e!ecca 7od"rey, David 7rand, /athy 1ar% <on#, 7a!e < dson, /hristine A ewon 8ee, 1a l 8eCar#e, Jynne 5artin, Daniel 5ena%er, ,lana Newho se, Ed 1ar%, Ahil$a 1rasad, ,%hil Aharma, and John -ray. ABOUT THE AUTHOR 7,0G A<TEGN7,0T was !orn in 8enin#rad in 19ND and came to the United Atates seven years later. <is de! t novel, 3he Russian 2ebutantes :andbook, won the Ate$hen /rane ,ward "or Cirst Ciction and the National Jewish 2oo% ,ward "or Ciction. <is second novel, Absurdistan, was named one o" the 1; 2est 2oo%s o" the Gear !y 3he New York 3imes <ook Review, as well as a !est !oo% o" the year !y 3ime0 3he @ashington (ost <ook @orld, the San %rancisco +hronicle, the +hicago 3ribune, and many other $ !lications. <e has !een selected as one o" =rantas 2est Go n# ,merican Novelists. <is wor% has a$$eared in 3he New Yorker0 "s7uire0 =9, and 3ravel N 1eisure and his !oo%s have !een translated into more than twenty lan# a#es. <e lives in New Gor% /ity. Fisit the Su er Sad 3rue 1ove Stor! we!site "or more in"ormation a!o t 7ary Ahteyn#art www.A $erAadTr e8oveAtory.com

Join 7ary Ahteyn#arts Cace!oo% $a#e and download his "ree i1hone a$$ www.A $erAad,$$.com Su er Sad 3rue 1ove Stor! is a wor% o" "iction. Names, characters, $laces, and incidents either are the $rod ct o" the a thors ima#ination or are sed "ictitio sly. ,ny resem!lance to act al $ersons, livin# or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental. /o$yri#ht g D;1; !y 7ary Ahteyn#art ,ll ri#hts reserved. 1 !lished in the United Atates !y 0andom <o se, an im$rint o" The 0andom <o se 1 !lishin# 7ro $, a division o" 0andom <o se, Inc., New Gor%. 0,NDO5 <OUAE and colo$hon are re#istered trademar%s o" 0andom <o se, Inc. 8I20,0G OC /ON70EAA /,T,8O7IN7+IN+1U28I/,TION D,T, Ahteyn#art, 7ary. A $er sad tr e love story : a novel P 7ary Ahteyn#art. $. cm. eIA2N: 9N:+;+.N9+.;EJ9+N I. Title. 1AE.19.<N9A:N D;1; :1Eh..@dcDD D;;9;EN9N1 www.atrandom.com vE.;

T0123 45 C4673678 Other 2oo%s !y this , thor Title 1a#e /ha$ter 1 + Do Not 7o 7entle /ha$ter D + Aometimes 8i"e is A c% /ha$ter E + The Otter Atri%es 2ac% /ha$ter O + The Only 5an "or 5e /ha$ter J + The Callacy o" 5erely E=istin# /ha$ter . + The Ne=t 1lane <ome /ha$ter N + 0ate5e 1l s /ha$ter : + Cire U$ that E##$lant /ha$ter 9 + Total A rrender /ha$ter 1; + Aomethin# Nice is 7rowin# Inside 5e /ha$ter 11 + The N clear O$tion /ha$ter 1D + Tem$erance, /harity, Caith, <o$e /ha$ter 1E + ,my 7reen!er#s '5 ""into$ <o r( /ha$ter 1O + The Q iet ,merican /ha$ter 1J + The Ainners /r sade /ha$ter 1. + Ill 8ove him Even 5ore /ha$ter 1N + ,nti+In"lammation

/ha$ter 1: + Old 5an A$ n%ers /ha$ter 19 + The 0 $t re /ha$ter D; + Aec rity Ait ation In 1ro#ress /ha$ter D1 + Datin# Ti$s /ha$ter DD + Cive+Jiao 5en /ha$ter DE + Oh 5y 7od, Im A ch , 2ad 7irl"riend /ha$ter DO + Dea" /hild ,rea /ha$ter DJ + <ow Do -e Tell 8enny3 /ha$ter D. + Corever Go n# /ha$ter DN + -elcome 2ac%, 1adner ,c%nowled#ments ,!o t the , thor /o$yri#ht