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ACT ONE Prologue A gate area of a large, ultra- modern airport—circa 1960s. Lights fade up. We hear the sounds of JETS taking off and landing. ANNOUNCEMENTS murmur throughout. Courtesy phones, pages for passengers, calls for specific airlines and flights, mentioning long-gone airlines like TWA, Braniff, and Pan Am. VOICE OVER ANNOUNCEMENT Welcome to Miami Dade International Airport. Braniff flight 663 service to New York’s Idlewild Airport is now boarding. PASSENGERS hurry back and forth, to and from their flights. FRANK ABAGNALE, JR. has been sitting on an airport chair reading the newspaper. FBI Agents enter, revolvers drawn: BRANTON and DOLLAR. They mistakenly pursue an airline passenger running for his flight. BRANTON There he is! Hold it right there! DOLLAR Stop or I'll shoot! AGENT CARL HANRATTY enters from Stage Right. As with the other agents, we don't see much beneath the fedora. HANRATTY Hold your fire! Where the heck is he? He’s not giving us the slip this time. Frank Junior, carrying a suitcase, rises from the chair and quickly runs up the aisle. Hanratty looks off stage, then notices Frank Junior exiting in the house. Frank Junior, still carrying his suitcase, quickly reverses course and jumps up onto the stage with AGENT COD on his tail. The Agents chase him. Wait a minute, Men. There he goes! That’s him! Goddangit that’s him!

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BRANTON Don't move! DOLLAR I'll shoot! I will shoot! Frank Junior hesitates ... COD And he's a really bad shot. ... then takes off again. Hanratty gives chase. HANRATTY Dammit! COD (overlapping) There. There he is! BRANTON (overlapping) No you don’t! DOLLAR (overlapping) I'm gonna shoot! A deafening SHOT stops everyone in their tracks. The Passengers all stop and stare. FRANK, JR. drops the suitcase which falls open, exposing its contents. Large quantities of cash. HANRATTY For the love of—Dollar, what does "hold your fire" mean where you come from? DOLLAR
(proud)

I fired a warning shot, Agent Hanratty! COD
(squints at ceiling)

I think you shot down a plane. FRANK JUNIOR That was close! You could hurt someone. HANRATTY Come on, Frank. I'd rather take you alive than dead. FRANK JUNIOR Can I at least make a statement first? HANRATTY At the airport? No. FRANK JUNIOR I'm sure these people want to know why you're shooting at me.
(Looks to them: they kind of do)

I think they should know who I am and what I did and why I did it.

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HANRATTY This is one of your tricks. Men! (Jerks his head to the Agents, who close in) You're not going to fool me again, Frank, like you did in that hotel room in L.A. You're not putting on a show for these people. FRANK JUNIOR A show? (MUSIC: A figure from the orchestra—we'll call it our STINGER. Frank Junior looks at us and smiles.) A show. (Frank Junior snaps his fingers. MUSIC CONTINUES with a huge timpani roll. A sudden reveal shows a lavish backdrop and tuxedoed ORCHESTRA on a jazzy bandstand.) We need some lights. (He waves his arm. Lights change.) COD The hell is he doing? FRANK JUNIOR A studio audience. HANRATTY Misdirection. It's a con. That's the technique. FRANK JUNIOR Cameras. And the Frank Abagnale Junior Orchestra! (He waves to the Orchestra, the CONDUCTOR acknowledges, and launches into the song proper.) HANRATTY Frank, what the hell are you doing? Branton, Cod, get everyone out of here. (As the other agents hurry the passengers to the exits, Hanratty edges upstage to check out the orchestra, keeping his gun on Frank Junior ... ... who crosses downstage to us.) FRANK JUNIOR My name is Frank William Abagnale ... Junior. This is my story. HANRATTY These people have musical instruments.

Hanratty points the gun at Frank Junior. and Hanratty finds himself surrounded by dancing bodies . Now. my whole life flashed before my eyes.. Mister Hanratty thinks he has all the facts. and tries not to be too unsettled. I flew almost five million miles as a Pan Am pilot.4 FRANK JUNIOR I was a millionaire twice over and half again before I was twenty-one. special? FRANK JUNIOR I know. that’s enough. Like we used to watch.V. practiced medicine at a top Atlanta hospital. you're coming in. Modesty has never been one of my virtues.. FRANK JUNIOR Mister Hanratty. HANRATTY You think your life is a T. GUIDE! (The groove kicks in. HANRATTY Virtue has never been one of your virtues. and worked as a prosecutor for the State of Lousiana. Frank. And I did it in style.) HANRATTY All right. mom and dad and me.V. all under assumed names. (sings) I GOTTA STORY I'D LIKE TO TELL BUT I'M GONNA NEED HELP TO TELL IT WELL I GOTTA STORY ABOUT FAME AND MONEY AND IT'S GOT MORE CURVES THAN A PLAYBOY BUNNY I WANNA LIVE NOT JUST SURVIVE I WANNA TELL MY STORY LIVE AND IN LIVING COLOR! (The ENSEMBLE has entered. Hanratty comes downstage and notices us. the highlights. I saw it all! Well I mean. FRANK JUNIOR True story. when that shot rang out. (He sings to us.) SONG: LIVE IN LIVING COLOR FRANK JUNIOR LIVE IN LIVING COLOR LET ME TAKE YOU FOR A RIDE YES. but only I know just how I did it.) ENSEMBLE (on Frank Junior's "color") LIVE IN LIVING COLOR . I'M LIVE IN LIVING COLOR SO SIT BACK AND LET ME BE YOUR T. As he does. Like on a television special or something. I stole every nickel of it.

and he ducks. Tell the folks. When he got caught his only excuse was— FRANK JUNIOR I like girls. how "I like girls" becomes "I'm wanted on five continents. by the time this guy was twenty years old. and fights his way out to one side." FRANK JUNIOR Oh. he had stolen almost one-point-eight million dollars. when he bilked twenty grand from his father's Mobil card to buy presents for girls.5 (. plain and simple. HANRATTY He likes girls.. The Ensemble dress Frank Junior for the show. + ENSEMBLE LIVE IN LIVING COLOR FRANK JUNIOR AND IT'S BROUGHT TO YOU BY ME YES IT'S LIVE IN LIVING COLOR ENSEMBLE LIVE IN LIVING COLOR FRANK JUNIOR THIS WON'T FIT IN YOUR T. as Frank Junior continues. He's a con man..! (speaks) Also starring my parents. listen. the Frank Abagnale Junior Singers and Dancers! (Hanratty fights his way through the Frank Abagnale Junior Singers and Dancers and speaks to us.) FRANK JUNIOR SOMETHING SPECIAL'S UP TONIGHT YES I'M FRANK JUNIOR + ENSEMBLE LIVE IN LIVING COLOR FRANK JUNIOR LIFE AIN'T LIVED IN BLACK AND WHITE! (speaks) Ladies and gentlemen. you mean like the story of how Superman became Superman? HANRATTY (half beat) Your ability to pull myth from manure is truly impressive.) HANRATTY Hold on. Has been since the age of sixteen. Frank. flails. Frank and Paula Abagnale! . Folks. and bring in the set. FRANK JUNIOR Thank you! FRANK JR.V.

(Hanratty steps in. My dad was a GI. They are mirrored by two other dancing couples. R. FRANK SENIOR (To us) All the people in that little French village were so happy to see Americans that they decided to put on a show for us. with ROGER and CAROL STRONG behind her) BRENDA Hi.) FRANK JUNIOR When I was a kid. faithful and true Brenda Strong. who's pissed.6 (MUSIC CHANGES. I interviewed both your parents. and she starts to dance .! (Lights on BRENDA.) HANRATTY [continuing as needed] Frank. So they crammed two hundred soldiers into a tiny social hall and the first person to walk on stage is your mother.) CHERYL ANN I'm surprised you even remembered my first name.. beautifully. (They dance. don't try to sell me [some sentimental picture of domestic bliss]— (Frank Junior plows forth as MUSIC CHANGES.. Frank! . The men are literally holding their breath. And I turned to my buddies and I said— FRANK SENIOR + FRANK JUNIOR —I am not leaving France without that woman. I could watch them dance all night. you no good sonofabitch— FRANK JUNIOR Thank you. Stunning and romantic. Cheryl Ann! And introducing the Strong family.. A little village called Montrichard. Frank Junior watches. After the war. FRANK SENIOR and PAULA enter in a sweep. sweet. PAULA I always get into trouble when I dance with you. Frank Senior sweeps Paula off her feet. Something! (Lights on CHERYL ANN. My mother was young and beautiful. Cheryl Ann .. featuring the beautiful.) My parents met in France. come on. and they dance off with the other couples. and begin to dance together. Listen. FRANK JUNIOR Also starring Playboy's Playmate of the Year.N.

Now. HANRATTY I know the whole story – All right. I wouldn’t do this for anyone but you. there’s something that still bugs me. Or whatever you're calling yourself today … wait … where am I going? (Hanratty disappears down the center elevator lift) FRANK JUNIOR WHAT'S IN A NAME? JUST WINDOW DRESSING SHOO-BEE DOO-WOP. I've heard all I can hear. I love you. Hanratty I’ll make you a deal. In fact. Frank Junior watches. will you wait for me over there? I'll let you know when it's time. Frank. don’tcha think? I’ll get to tell my story. We owe each other that much. I don't want to hear any more. (Brenda exits with her parents.7 FRANK JUNIOR Hi. I've got this show to do and you're gonna be in it. BOP-BOP MIX AND MATCH ME TRY TO CATCH ME IF YOU CAN OH. I think you want the rest of the story. and I’ll tell you anything. How’d you pass the bar exam? In New Orleans? How’d you cheat the bar? FRANK JUNIOR All right Mr. And you’ll have a full confession. FRANK JUNIOR I don’t believe you. BRENDA Frank. HANRATTY Okay. BOP-BOP . FRANK JUNIOR You're gonna be great. I GOTTA STORY THAT'S STRANGE BUT TRUE ENSEMBLE SHOO-BEE DOO-WOP. BRENDA Frank. wait a minute. And says. BOP-BOP EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT IT'S THE CLOTHES THAT MAKE THE MAN CLOTHES THAT MAKE THE MAN PLAY THE GAME SHOO-BEE DOO-WOP. You let me finish. Brenda. Listen. too. (Hanratty has had enough. Frank. you’re one of the stars.) HANRATTY All right. deal. to himself:) FRANK JUNIOR I loved you. BOP-BOP JUST KEEP 'EM GUESSING SHOO-BEE DOO-WOP.

New York. The Abagnale home. YES I'M LIVE IN LIVING COLOR BLINK YOUR EYES BLINK YOUR EYES AND I'LL BE GONE LIVE IN LIVING COLOR LIVE IN LIVING COLOR LIVE IN LIVING COLOR BLINK YOUR EYES BE GONE! SONG ENDS. The ensemble break their tableaux and dance in the background as Frank Junior speaks to us — our host.) SONG: LIVE IN LIVING COLOR (TAG) ENSEMBLE LIVE IN LIVING COLOR TUNE ME IN AND TURN ME ON LIVE IN LIVING COLOR BLINK YOUR EYES AND I’LL BE GONE (As we complete the TRANSITION TO .) FRANK JUNIOR Ladies and gentlemen. The house everyone wanted. and the family everyone wanted to be. (Frank Junior goes. and the Ensemble comes forward—and set the stage for the Abagnale home.8 I GOTTA STORY THAT'S STRANGE BUT TRUE SO COME FLY WITH ME FOR A BIRD'S-EYE VIEW SO COME FLY WITH ME FOR A BIRD'S-EYE VIEW I'VE GOT THE WORLD AT MY COMMAND I'VE GOT THE WORLD AT MY COMMAND AND I'LL BE YOUR ONE-MAN DISNEYLAND AND I'LL BE YOUR ONE-MAN DISNEYLAND I DON’T WANNA WAIT FOR THE COPS TO ARRIVE I WANNA TELL MY STORY LIVE AND IN LIVING COLOR LIVE IN LIVING COLOR TUNE ME IN AND TURN ME ON. our story begins on Christmas Eve. 1964. (MUSIC begins again.. A beautiful house on the best street. YES I'M LIVE IN LIVING COLOR TUNE ME IN AND TURN ME ON.. YES I'M LIVE IN LIVING COLOR BLINK YOUR EYES AND I'LL BE GONE. New Rochelle.) .

9 Scene 1: Living Room. FRANK SENIOR How about that thirteen-inch screen? FRANK JUNIOR It’s like Andy Williams is right here in our living room. and the dancers move to the background and then disappear. FRANK SENIOR It’s the genuine spirit of real Christmas. Frank.. and the SINGERS fade from house speakers to the television set—they're on the show Frank Junior is watching. FRANK SENIOR It’s that Abagnale magic. Frank Senior watches her. PAULA It truly is a beautiful tree. PAULA Frank.) ENSEMBLE (ON TV) LIVE IN LIVING COLOR … LIVE IN LIVING COLOR … SONG ENDS. Frank Junior is watching a small color television set. and a used Ford? FRANK SENIOR Can I strike a bargain or what? I left those guys with their heads spinning.) FRANK JUNIOR Wow Dad. right there . . you're right—everything is better in color. I DO have dinner going(But she starts to dance with him. PAULA But – so that I understand – you left this morning with a Cadillac and two hundred dollars and come home with a Christmas tree. New Rochelle (.one hundred percent acrylic. PAULA I think I know the feeling. Frank Jr. Paula opens the Christmas Tree.. The Abagnale House. a television set. C’mon – dance with me. is still with the television.

you're in their little club. Don't tell your mother. FRANK JUNIOR But Dad. FRANK JUNIOR Thanks. a car. I put twenty-five dollars in it so you can buy whatever you want. use the loan to tide the business over until you can get the Caddy back. PAULA (pulls away) I really should see to dinner. why did you — FRANK SENIOR One day you’re gonna want something from these people. Dad. You remember this story.10 FRANK SENIOR Nothing’s too good for my boy or my bride. didn’t those guys know you were getting away with something? FRANK SENIOR People only know what you tell them. Frankie. Two little mice fell into a bucket of cream. it’s just a technicality. (She goes. The second mouse wouldn't quit.) Fifty checks. (hands him a checkbook. FRANK JUNIOR But why didn't they give you the loan? FRANK SENIOR Ah. But if they didn't give you the loan. use the mortgage to leverage the bank loan. I didn’t get the loan. FRANK JUNIOR You didn’t – but I thought you saidFRANK SENIOR I got something better. They won't loan to anyone under I. use the extra cash to pay the mortgage.S.) FRANK JUNIOR That’s great you got the loan. FRANK SENIOR Listen to me. investigation. There’s always another move to make. They have all the money. The account's in your name. And this means from this day on. He struggled so hard that eventually he churned that cream into butter … FRANK SENIOR AND FRANK JUNIOR … and he climbed out. A house. FRANK JUNIOR Oh. The first mouse quickly gave up and drowned. FRANK SENIOR And who are we? .R. Dad. It’s all a dance – swap the Caddy for the Ford. FRANK SENIOR Shh.

The man with all the moves. FRANK SENIOR Damn straight we are. A brand new Botany 500 suit.. WHAT THEY SEE IS THE UNIFORM HOW IT FITS TO A TEE LIKE THAT VISITING TEAM THAT THE YANKEES WILL CREAM THE PINSTRIPES ARE ALL THAT THEY SEE BEAUTIFUL GIRLS OOOOOOOH SMILE AND RELAX SMILE AND RELAX . WHAT SHE SAW … WAS THE UNIFORM! THROUGH THE DIRT AND DEBRIS YEAH.) The other teams just stand there. THOSE LADIES GAVE THANKS TO US VISITING YANKS CAUSE THE PINSTRIPES ARE ALL THAT THEY SEE (Frank Senior is joined by a bevy of BEAUTIFUL GIRLS in Yankee pinstripes. The Dodgers were so scared they had to leave town. staring at the pinstripes. mesmerized. the smartest man I know. We're gonna be fine. pausing as needed) Ladies and gentlemen. As a matter of fact. You know why the Yankees win all the time? It's not the Mick. FRANK JUNIOR Dad.. Frank Junior comes downstage: our host. Senior! FRANK SENIOR WHEN A PILOT WALKS ONTO THE PLANE ALL THE PASSENGERS SMILE AND RELAX DO THEY SEE HE’S STILL TIGHT FROM THAT PARTY LAST NIGHT AND THE BACK TO BACK “JACKS”? STEWED TO THE MAX FRANK SENIOR NO!.. It's not Joe Pepitone. FRANK SENIOR Frankie. that’s too expensive. Abagnale . It's the uniform. my dad—Frank .11 FRANK JUNIOR We're the second mouse. SONG: THE PINSTRIPES ARE ALL THAT THEY SEE FRANK SENIOR WHEN YOUR MOTHER WALKED INTO THAT DANCEHALL IN MONTRICHARD WHAT DID SHE SEE? THROUGH THE HAZE OF CHAMPAGNE DID SHE NOTICE MY BRAIN OR MY COLLEGE DEGREE? KID. you know what ? We're going downtown to buy you your Christmas present..) FRANK JUNIOR (to us. (MUSIC.

Paula comes to Frank Junior. not quite separately. Jack Barnes and Paula enter.) IF YOU WANNA BE A SOMEONE YOU CAN’T LOOK LIKE A BUM A BOOK’S JUDGED BY IT’S COVER THAT’S THE FIRST RULE OF THUMB I WANNA SEE YA TAKE OFF STRAIGHT TO THE TOP FLOOR START DRESSIN’ TO IMPRESS ‘EM SON YOU'LL STROLL IN THE FRONT DOOR A KID IN A MAN’S CANDY STORE … (As Frank Junior speaks to us. Jack goes to Frank Senior and shakes his hand. MUSIC CONTINUES as we CONTINUE TO:) .12 (The Beautiful Girls surround Frank Junior. and he emerges dressed smartly in his prep-school blazer.

You do what you have to do. Comme tu es beau! (She sighs. (STINGER. the Jock accidentally-on-purpose bumping Frank Junior and sending him stumbling. Frank Senior and Paula are with a dour female PRINCIPAL.) JOCK Yeah.? (The two students LAUGH and move past him. Vite. you do look handsome. I mean. kisses him on the cheek.B. He is met by a JOCK and a NERD) FRANK JUNIOR 'Scuse me. FRANK JUNIOR I'm used to it. the head of the Chamber of Commerce. Vite.. Dad'll get back on his feet and I'll be back at St. And. PAULA My brave little soldier. Francis before you know it. Vite. like a substitute teacher or somethin'. Frank Junior looks at us and smiles. public school is only for now. You aren't afraid of anything.I.) FRANK JUNIOR Shouldn’t you boys be in class? Depechez-vous. PAULA Well. what's the Flash without his suit? Anyway.. you don't have to wear your school blazer. called him— FRANK JUNIOR AND JACK BARNES —the most popular businessman in New Rochelle! PAULA Frankie. Frank Junior heads to school. is this room 17 French? NERD (checking his outfit) Who wants to know? The F.13 Scene 2: New Rochelle High School FRANK JUNIOR Everybody loved my dad. You're going to public school now. Jack Barnes.) . Mom. and goes. He looks like a . FRANK JUNIOR I’ll be fine. (Lights change.

) FRANK SENIOR French fry factory?! (Finally. WE’RE GONNA HIT THE HIGH-LIFE WE’VE ONLY JUST BEGUN WE’RE GONNA BE TOGETHER FRANK SENIOR AND SON DINE AT “THE LATIN QUARTER” A NIGHTCAP AT “TOOTS SHOR” YEAH. As Frank Senior shakes hands with the Principal. FRANK SENIOR You must have dropped it. Your son held three teacher-parent conferences yesterday.) PAULA Frankie … Je ne peux pas. (Frank Junior waits.) PAULA Frank. I regret to inform you that for the past week. Is it yours? (He pulls a locket necklace from his pocket. and Mrs.) FRANK SENIOR AND FRANK JUNIOR YEAH. Paula goes to Frank Junior. giving out homework. (She shakes her head again and goes.14 PRINCIPAL OWINGS Mr. Frank Senior LAUGHS. WE’RE GONNA BE AT RINGSIDE LIFE WILL BE BETTER THAN BEFORE FOR TWO KIDS IN A MAN’S CANDY STORE . on my way in from the outer office. Looks like it was made for you. Lecturing the students. Abagnale. There's been so much change. and was planning a class field trip to a French Fry Factory in Trenton. PRINCIPAL Well. putting on his hat. (But she takes it. Glaser's French class. I found this necklace on the floor. We lost our house— FRANK SENIOR (smoothly cuts her off) Principal Owings.) PAULA You have to forgive him. Mister Abagnale. Looks at his son. Frank Senior takes her place. who exits opposite. Frank has been teaching Mrs. outside the Principal's office. nervously. PAULA He what? PRINCIPAL Your son has been pretending to be a substitute teacher. please. who slowly meets his gaze. And Frank Junior LAUGHS.

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(Frank Senior claps his son on the shoulder and goes. Frank Junior moves to follow, but sees BETTY.) FRANK JUNIOR Hi. BETTY Hi. Is the Principal in her office? I need to give her this note from my mother, excusing me from sixth period. FRANK JUNIOR You should fold it. It's more believable that way. BETTY No, this really is a note from my mother. FRANK JUNIOR What's the first thing you do when your mother hands you a note? You fold it up and put it in your pocket. (A half-beat, and Betty folds the note.) BETTY Thanks. I'm Betty. FRANK JUNIOR Frank. BETTY Nice jacket. (She plants an impulsive kiss on his cheek, and goes. He swoons and sings.) WHAT THEY SEE IS THE UNIFORM JUST ASK ONE MAITRE D’ OR A TAILOR IN PARIS GO ASK ROGER MARIS! THE PINSTRIPES ARE ALL THAT THEY SEE (Frank Junior dances his way home as we TRANSITION TO ...)

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Scene 3: The Abagnale Apartment, Downtown New Rochelle (... and as Frank Junior dances right on in the door, his mother and father dance on opposite. But with a turn, in an instant, we see that it's not his father. It's JACK BARNES. And Frank Junior sees this, and they see him. MUSIC STOPS suddenly.) SONG ENDS. FRANK JUNIOR Mom, Dad I met this girl – PAULA Frankie! You remember your father's friend, Jack Barnes? FRANK JUNIOR Hello. JACK BARNES Frank. Good to see you. Paula … I … Take care. (He grabs his hat and goes. Frank Junior is silent.) PAULA Are you hungry, Frankie? I'll make you a sandwich. (Frank Junior doesn't move.) Frankie? (No answer.) You're not going to tell him. FRANK JUNIOR No. PAULA That's right. There's nothing to tell. I'm going out for a few hours to visit some old friends from the tennis club, and when I get back, we'll all have dinner together, right? (Frank Junior rubs his eyes. Paula gets her pocketbook.) Do you need some money, Frankie? A few dollars to buy some comic books? Here, take two. (She stuffs two dollar bills in his pants pocket. He doesn’t acknowledge her. Then …) FRANK JUNIOR Two hundred soldiers in that tiny social hall, and you ... you ... PAULA I was sixteen years old when I met your father. I was your age. How could I know what I wanted? Dites donc?

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FRANK JUNIOR You wanted him. PAULA I did, once. And I wanted to get out of France. And I wanted to have a child. (She reaches for him, but he pulls away.) (considers him, then) It was a long time ago, Frankie. Believe me, one day you'll look at yourself, and you won't be who you were. (He turns away from her and walks into his bedroom: piles of comic books, a "Flash" bedspread. He takes his jacket off and tosses it.) SONG: SOMEONE ELSE'S SKIN FRANK JUNIOR THERE’S NO PHONE BOOTH THERE’S NO CAPE THERE’S NO STEVE MCQUEEN TO HELP ME MAKE MY GREAT ESCAPE HOW CAN I FLY LIKE A HERO IN THE SKY BE A SHOOTING STAR OUT IN THE STRATOSPHERE WHERE’S “THE SHADOW”? HE MIGHT KNOW WHERE’S THAT SEARCHLIGHT IN THE SKY TO POINT THE WAY TO GO? THROUGH SOME NEW CLOUD TO DISAPPEAR INTO THE CROWD THOUGH THE FUTURE’S DARK THERE’S ONE THING CRYSTAL CLEAR THAT THERE’S NO HOME HERE … (MUSIC CONTINUES as we TRANSITION TO:)

18 Scene 4: Family Court and Train Station. JUDGE It can get very expensive. We just need a name. FRANK JUNIOR IT’S LIKE A GAME WHERE EITHER TEAM I LOSE FRANK SENIOR Frankie.) FRANK JUNIOR SO MANY VOICES TELLING ME TO CHOOSE JUDGE The court can decide these things. and this will all be over. overlapping. (. It's going to be okay. with their lawyers. I’ve got no room to move here.) JUDGE Son.) FRANK JUNIOR (to us) One day the principal pulls me out of class and drives me to the Courthouse. listen to me... Look at me. Frankie.. FRANK JUNIOR RULES OF THE ROAD SAY DON’T LOOK BACK EYES STRAIGHT AHEAD. people fighting over their children. DON’T JUMP THE TRACK TRY A NEW GAME AND PRAY THAT I CAN WIN . as Frank Junior sings to us. New Rochelle (The Family Court Judge appears with Frank Senior and Paula . Your mother or your father. FRANK JUNIOR THIS KINDA NOISE JUST MAKES ME WANNA SHOUT PAULA My brave little soldier. (The adults continue. Doesn't tell me why. Do what you have to do. I walk in and I see my parents up front. just give them a name. PAULA Nobody's fighting.. but it's better if the family does. Frank Junior comes downstage for that "break-in-a-ballad" confessional moment. FRANK JUNIOR I’D LIKE TO BUY A ONE-WAY TICKET OUT FRANK SENIOR I’m sorry. and as the bedroom goes away. Nobody's fighting. Frankie. and the judge.

who turns to go. One way is three. COMMUTERS hurrying to and fro.19 'CAUSE I JUST DON'T FEEL AT HOME IN MINE SO I'LL SLIP NOW INTO SOMEONE ELSE'S SKIN (And as the music hits a driving groove. so now I have four dollars which is enough for my one way ticket to Manhattan. because I don't plan on coming back— (The Railroad Agent takes the money from Frank Junior. He holds out a couple of crumpled bills) FRANK JUNIOR One for Grand Central Station. He looks at us. and he gives me two dollars. Maintain eye contact. Misdirection. even though he doesn't owe me any change — RAILROAD AGENT Wait.) COMMUTERS HOO-HOO. please. HOO HOO (The RAILROAD AGENT appars and Frank Junior approaches. using a nifty bit of sleight-of-hand. The Family Court disappears. I just knew I had to get out. Keep talking. Frank is on the street. and waiting for my change. but:) RAILROAD AGENT Hold it! FRANK JUNIOR What? . what? FRANK JUNIOR — but I keep talking. MUSIC CHANGES. and in his confusion he thinks he owes me change. And I take my money back from the ticket seller and I make it disappear — (He does. (The Railroad Agent holds up the bills. and I'm not proud of this but my instincts took over. You have two. isolating Frank Junior. so I didn't really know what I was doing. RAILROAD AGENT Round trip is five dollars.) — and I spin some tale about meeting my grandmother at Idlewild while I ask for my change. as the Railroad Agent continues as if Frank Junior is still just in the scene with him. MUSIC CHANGES. or in this case my money back. and speaks rapidly. Frank Junior turns and runs. Lights change.) FRANK JUNIOR Okay. without pause.

. SOMEONE ELSE'S SKIN. I had to find a way out.20 RAILROAD AGENT Your ticket.) They wanted me to choose . and I chose. but you do what you have to do. (MUSIC STARTS TO BUILD as he continues. (MUSIC CONTINUES as we TRANSITION TO:) OO-OO-OO FULL OF TEARS COMMUTERS RUN DOWN THE STREET RUN OUT OF TOWN RUN FROM THE BOOKS 'CAUSE IT'S ALL BEEN A FAKE AH AH AH AH TODAY HOO-HOO HOO-HOO AH-AH AH-AH AH-AH AH-AH SOMEONE ELSE'S SKIN. The New Haven line. Like I said. and this is the way I found. FRANK JUNIOR Thanks.. Track Two. the ten-fifteen to New York City! FRANK JUNIOR RUN DOWN THE STREET RUN OUT OF TOWN I'M GONNA RUN FROM THE HOME TEAM AND NEVER TOUCH DOWN RUN FROM THE BOOKS 'CAUSE IT'S ALL BEEN A FAKE I'M GONNA RUN FROM THE CHOICES THAT I DON'T WANNA MAKE SCHOOL'S NOT OUT BUT I CAN'T WAIT IT'S THE PERFECT TIME TO GRADUATE TODAY I'VE GOTTA RUN AWAY NOW I'VE GOT TO RUN AWAY I KNOW THEY'LL SEE THE TRUTH WHEN I MOVE ON THEY'LL NEED EACH OTHER MUCH MORE ONCE I'M GONE AND WHEN I'M FLUSH AND HE'S BACK ON HIS FEET I'LL PICK HIM UP AND RIDE DOWN EASY STREET NO TIME TO CRY FOR ALL THE YEARS A RUSTY GAS TANK FULL OF TEARS GETS YOU NOWHERE NOT THE PLACES I WANT IN AND I JUST DON'T FEEL AT HOME IN MINE SO I'LL SLIP NOW INTO SOMEONE ELSE'S SKIN. SOMEONE ELSE'S SKIN. I'm not proud of it. SOMEONE ELSE'S SKIN. SOMEONE ELSE'S SKIN. SOMEONE ELSE'S SKIN..

A TOUCH OF GLUE THREE ASSISTANTS AND YOU’LL BE GOOD TO GO FRANK JUNIOR BIG THANKS TO ALL OUR SPONSORS! INDIA INK ELMER’S GLUE . ATTRACTIVE ASSISTANT #1 Or William Taylor. ladies and gentlemen. (Three ATTRACTIVE ASSISTANTS bring in the products as Frank describes them. Frank Junior comes downstage to speak to us. With a pair of scissors you can cut and paste names from other documents. A FOURTH ATTRACTIVE ASSISTANT holds Frank’s briefcase for him) Swiss Army Penknives can help you alter the age on your driver's license. INDIA INK ASSISTANT (with bottle of ink) And no one can tell the difference! FRANK JUNIOR Elmer's Glue is perfect for the craftsperson of any age who needs to change their name. Manhattan (On applause from SOMEONE ELSE’S SKIN. and three ATTRACTIVE ASSISTANTS come dancing in. A DAB. you're ten years older. and you're officially Frank Taylor Junior. SWISS ARMY KNIFE A SNIP. And if Frank Taylor wears out his welcome— ELMER’S GLUE ASSISTANT (with Elmer's Glue) You can be Frank Adams! ATTRACTIVE ASSISTANT #2 Or Frank Conners.) FRANK JUNIOR And now.21 Scene 5: Chase Bank. a word from our sponsors! (He gestures.) These great products can help you survive your first few weeks in New York with just fifty checks and a driver's license. Because a sixteen-year-old cashing a check or opening an account by himself— SWISS ARMY KNIFE ASSISTANT (with Swiss Army knife) —gets a lot of questions! FRANK JUNIOR Higgins brand Genuine Original India Ink flows easily through your pen or brush—a few dabs on your license.

RIGHT BACK TO THE SHOW! (As the Assistants dance off Stage Left. He didn’t know his mother had filed a missing-persons report. grocery store. we can hold on to this— (Frank Junior drops the necklace in his valise. we have new restrictions on cashing checks. Mister Taylor. and dry cleaners from here to Hoboken. Very good. FRANK JUNIOR Mister Hanratty. Mister Hanratty. backs away. (Frank Junior is before DIANE. is the fact that in just a few short months this guy had soaked just about every branch of Chase Manhattan in the five boroughs and in northern New Jersey.) What he’s leaving out folks. in his charming fashion.) DIANE. We can’t cash this. Diane.) HANRATTY He didn’t know his bad checks were on my desk. (He escorts Hanratty toward the wings. BANK TELLER I'm sorry.I. I found this on the sidewalk out front. and dropped rubber in just about every hotel. the Bank Teller at a counter. HANRATTY (Hanratty comes downstage to us. BANK TELLER I'm sorry. BANK TELLER If you'd like to leave us your home phone number. and I think it might be yours— HANRATTY It's not. bulletin.22 THREE ASSISTANTS NOW. Hanratty enters from Stage Right) HANRATTY I know. He didn’t know that his clock was ticking.) . Very entertaining. FRANK JUNIOR Say. He was the Johnny Appleseed of fraud.B. He opened accounts all over the tri-state area. HANRATTY (shows us) Seems someone put out an F. But Hanratty stays and keeps speaking to us. I know. then leaves him to join a BANK TELLER. slides the check off the counter. Mister Taylor. we’re going to be seeing him of him in just a bit but right now there’s a much more exciting turn of events. thanks for stopping by. FRANK JUNIOR Ladies and Gentlemen! It’s our very special guest star.

He and I don’t even meet face to face for months yet. when my first fifty checks ran out.) HANRATTY He’s going to try six more banks—same story. onto Hanratty and into the open elevator traps. . We were on him. (He drops a colorful check. Mister Hanratty and his team were trying to find my trail. and a load of black and white checks rain down from the flies. See. For an appointment. he’s still stuck at his desk. FRANK JUNIOR Then why didn’t he catch me? HANRATTY Only a matter of time. (comes down to talk to us) Trying to put it all together.23 FRANK JUNIOR You know. (He backs away. Frank Junior sings. With my stockbroker. but Hanratty stops him. While I was producing more rubber than a tire factory. (Hanratty freezes. Right now. thank you. (MUSIC. I bought a little printing press and I made my own. but I'm late.) FRANK JUNIOR Mister Hanratty’s jumping ahead.) LIVE IN LIVING COLOR (Reprise) FRANK JUNIOR AND THOUGH I’M LIVE IN LIVING COLOR AT THE FBI THE SHOW’S IN BLACK AND WHITE.

BRANTON Shouldn’t you be in another department? Like maybe daycare? DOLLAR I was auditing background checks for the Library of Congress and I asked for a transfer. Dollar. I like guns. HANRATTY Low blow. could you make sure you’re under them when they fall? DOLLAR Whoops! HANRATTY Leave the kid alone. North Atlantic region — thank you very much — we will do the job until it’s done. by the way. Hanratty. and see how that works out for you. and it’s an experience I see no reason to repeat.B.I. I requested something where I could use my gun. Office The elevators begin to lift the FBI office into view. Some of us still have wives. And cars.) DOLLAR He got you there. and DOLLAR are drowning in checks and we hear:) COD Dollar! What have you done! BRANTON Yeah. we have three or four major-league paperhangers somewhere in this mess. HANRATTY (shudders) How about Shelley Winters? She’s loud and fast. I know that this job is not as exciting as fieldwork. or counter-intelligence— . go home for lunch one of these days. Hanratty. COD. unannounced. BRANTON Come on. We always give the rookies a hard time. and you stack them ten high. Dollar. HANRATTY Listen — We do the job because it's the job and as long as I'm Interim Second Assistant Special Agent in Charge of the Bank Fraud and Forgery Subdivision. Thanksgiving or no Thanksgiving. Don’t you remember how they razzed you? HANRATTY Yes. Agent Branton.24 Scene 6: F. COD C’mon Hanratty it’s 4:45. It’s Thanksgiving. Come on. basically. BRANTON That’s easy for you to say. Now listen. Agents BRANTON. (The men laugh. the next time we tell you to move file boxes. even if it means we drop dead at our desks and our fossilized bones are discovered in some archeological dig in the twenty-first century. Anything loud or fast. so we are going to sort it out. And.

Jiminy Christmas. HANRATTY Look at these two. COD + DOLLAR Nooooo! HANRATTY And that means no Christmas for you MICR mouse. The one you're after. And that means there must be thousands more checks just like this out there – more bum checks than a Prague prison! (A second load of checks drops. (looks at the other check) And Frank Williams too. He’s changing the MICR numbers on the checks. Frank Taylor must've got his hands on a MICR encoder. This is very. slow death. very interesting. But he does. now this is interesting (more music under). Frank Junior returns and the men sweep the checks onto the lifts as we TRANSITION TO:) . Magnetic Ink Character Recognition. the day you slap those cuffs on him and watch them haul him away (music under) —oh. If you change a zero-two to a one-two. BRANTON I know you think so. he does. And the day you catch him. a check that was cashed in New York gets rerouted all the way to San Francisco and it’s weeks before the bank that cashed it knows they’re bad.25 COD Or a long. (He points at Cod. and that’s the sad thing. Oh yeah. They mean that he can stay in one place and write bad checks for weeks and weeks. HANRATTY —and maybe nobody knows you're down here. Look here. (MUSIC. DOLLAR You mean those numbers at the bottom the check actually mean something? HANRATTY They mean that Frank Taylor and Frank Williams and William Franklin are the same person. DOLLAR Micker? Micker Mouse? COD Who the hell is Micker Mouse? HANRATTY MICR! MICR! M-I-C-R.) BRANTON.) And no Hanukah either. and you will. He knows.

. FRANK JUNIOR Kinda late to be checking out. I'd always wanted to be good at something. all in the same Pan Am outfit. and in the Skies (As soon as the deck is clear. He bobs and weaves as they move through. (MUSIC.. (He takes her measure.) FRANK JUNIOR Oh!! Excuse me. that should keep Mister Hanratty busy for a while.. isn't it? STEWARDESS #2 (MINDY) We all have evening flights.. the elevators begin to sink out of sight.) STEWARDESS #3 (LINDY) Oh! Excuse me.) FRANK JUNIOR Oh. I went walking past the Tudor Hotel on 42nd Street. But then one day. I was a crook. He almost collides with a beautiful young Pan Am STEWARDESS emerging. march in through the door. there . nothing more.) STEWARDESS #1 (CINDY) That’s quite all right. And Frank Junior ) FRANK JUNIOR Well.26 Scene 7: Outside the Tudor Hotel. A SECOND STEWARDESS comes through the door. agape. .) STEWARDESS #2 (MINDY) Excuse me. . FRANK JUNIOR "We all. satchels in hand... at passing bad checks.. as Frank watches. But unfortunately he was right. I—excuse me—whoops!—hello. travel bags in hand. (She continues past him. Now I was really good . My clock was ticking. (to us) Are you seeing this? (STEWARDESS #3 bumps him on her way by . and the shelf life was getting shorter. and destiny came walking out those revolving doors.?" (A parade of STEWARDESSES. Manhattan.

Um..) MINDY JUST LEFT WISCONSIN WHERE THERE'S CHEESE ENOUGH TO START THIS RAT RACE CINDY BUT THANKS TO THE BROTHERS WRIGHT CINDY + MINDY WE DON'T KNOW WHERE WE'LL SLEEP TONIGHT . Terri. our host:) Ladies and gentlemen. VP of personnel. Miss Cindy. Karrie.. telling Frank Junior how it is. Kelly. She pulls another. He smiles at us. "The Jet Set. (Frank Junior steps downstage: our host. It's the wrong one. FRANK JUNIOR Thank you.. the other Stewardesses join her.. then at her. then the third time's the charm:) Here it is. Is Pan Am hiring? STEWARDESS #1 (CINDY) Aren't you sweet. Nellie. (Frank Junior blinks. miss . and Jane.27 FRANK JUNIOR No . Lindy. excuse me. Who are you all waiting for? THE STEWARDESSES The pilots. Cindy.. (She pulls a business card from her bust..) FRANK JUNIOR (to us. Tell me—is flying everything it's cracked up to be? STEWARDESS #1 (CINDY) The only thing better than flying—is what happens on the ground. Here. Talk to Jerry Taylor. Shellie. I like to call them .) Excuse me. Sherrie." SONG: THE JET SET CINDY WOKE UP IN BROOKLYN WITH A FROWN UPON MY FACE (One by one. Mindy. STINGER. Tell him Cindy sent you. I've been training as a pilot.

like this one here from Pan Am. Another Stewardess opens her satchel.D. jumpin' puddles for the weak and weary?" PAN AM EXECUTIVE Means they've been flying the same plane. mostly commuters. It's an airline personnel badge. I want to know everything there is to know about being a Pan Am pilot. A PAN AM EXECUTIVE enters.) PAN AM EXECUTIVE So you're the kid writing the article for the school paper? FRANK JUNIOR (turns to him.28 CINDY YEAH. badges that I've seen pilots wear? PAN AM EXEC Every pilot has to have it with him at all times. now a high school kid) Yes sir. Frank Black from Monroe High School. "I've been on the same equipment all week. and he takes out a camera and a notebook. sure. TIME TO PLAY I'LL PUT DOWN ROOTS SOME OTHER DAY SHELLIE NO NEED TO BE A LONELY JOE STEWARDESSES THE JET-SET IS THE SHELLIE ONLY WAY TO GO (One Stewardess pulls a pair of horn-rimmed glasses from her satchel and puts them on Frank Junior. FRANK JUNIOR Thank you for your time. short flights. . For instance. sir! Can I get a picture? PAN EXEC Oh. FRANK JUNIOR And what about those I. I'M A BIRD IN THE SKIES MINDY AND TOMORROW WHEN I RISE LINDY I'LL WAKE UP IN PARIS WITH A NEW LOVE IN MY HEART JANE OR MAYBE GERMANY WITH THAT BRAND NEW PET I MET IN STUTTGART KELLIE SKIES THE LIMIT. what does it mean when one pilot says to another pilot.

scissors.) FRANK JUNIOR My Pan Am pilot's badge! How cool is that? A TAILOR enters.) FRANK JUNIOR Got it! (The Executive goes and the Stewardesses are back. aren't ya? FRANK JUNIOR I get that a lot.) STEWARDESSES WOULD’JA LIKE NEW MUSIC AND MYSTERY EACH AND EVERYDAY LOSE THE SAME OLD MUSIC AND HIST’RY MAKE A NEW FRIEND THEN FLY AWAY (One Stewardess brings Frank Junior an in-flight cart with familiar sponsor products: Penknife.29 (Frank Junior points the camera right at his ID badge. measuring tape and note pad in hand. FLASH.) STEWARDESSES (CONT'D) AND … WAKE UP IN TEXAS WHERE THEY TREAT THEIR WOMEN RIGHT AND THEN TRY HOLLYWOOD WHERE THE STARS GET LIT OUT IN BROAD DAYLIGHT ANY CITY. NEAR OR FAR FEELS TWICE AS GOOD AS WHERE YOU ARE WHEN YOU’RE SICK OF THE STATUS QUO THE JET-SET IS THE ONLY WAY TO GO … (Frank Junior holds up his completed badge. Frank holds up a blank piece of paper. TAILOR Awfully young to be a pilot. I'm just a co-pilot. glue. India ink. and goes to work making a Pan Am Badge. TAILOR Why so nervous? FRANK JUNIOR How would you feel if you lost your uniform your first week on the job? .

A HAYRIDE? THEN KIDDO.(?) S— (But before he gets the next number out. FRANK JUNIOR Can I write you a check? TAILOR No—no checks. cap and aviators on. Three.(?) Four (?) Five. the Tailor nods. A stunning sight. finished.) . (He pulls out a form and begins to fill it out. no cash. JUST STAY HOME BUT. Frank tries to read it upside down. UP AND AWAY . and Frank Junior pulls it back.) TAILOR Great! I'll bill Pan Am. That'll be one forty-three ninety-seven. It's. they'll take it out of your next paycheck.. FRANK JUNIOR That’s why Pan Am will always be around. One. (Frank Junior and the Tailor go as the PILOTS enter with Stewardesses. SO FLY! (Frank Junior joins them. Just need your employee number. GREEK OR JAPANESE ALL STEWARDESSES A STEWARDESS IS TRAINED TO PLEASE ALL SO IF YOU’VE GOT WHAT IT TAKES BELOW WELL THEN FLY THIS BIRD LIKE CUPID’S BOW CAUSE THE JET SET'S JUST A HOLIDAY YEAH THE JET SET GOES UP. Four .. to count spaces for numbers:) FRANK JUNIOR Sure. IF YOU WANT JET-SET THEN GET SET TO LEAVE BEHIND KANSAS THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE ROME ALL STEWARDESSES WAKE UP IN RIO HAVE YOUR COFFEE IN BRAZIL EVERYONE WHEN REAL LIFE GETS YOU DOWN TAKE A FAR-OUT. ONE-WAY TRIP TO SPLITZVILLE ALL PILOTS SWEDISH. I hear you..30 TAILOR Ah..) ALL PILOTS WOULD’JA LIKE A SLEIGH RIDE. Six. his uniform at last perfect.

31 FRANK JUNIOR RIGHT DOWN TO IT'LY FOR LA BELLA FEMINA JUMP IN A FOUNTAIN STEWARDESSES WOO! ALL FOR A BIG DOSE OF LA DOLCE VITA FRANK JUNIOR IF YOUR TASTES RUN MORE RISQUÉ TWO STEWARDESSES WELL THEN. (MUSIC begins again. Frank comes down center to take the elevator down. NEXT STOP IS LOVE ALL FROM TIMBUKTU TO TOKYO FROM MOZAMBIQUE TO MEXICO THE JET SET IS THE ONLY WAY TO GO FRANK JUNIOR BABBADA BOP BOOP BAH BADOOBA DOO-OH! SONG ENDS. As the others exit. . The doors open and off steps Cheryl Ann – getting off the elevator of the St. Regis Hotel. WE KNOW A JOINT IN OLD BOMBAY ALL SO HANG ON TIGHT LET’S LOOP DE LOOP IT’S TIME TO FLY THIS CHICKEN COOP SO PACK UP YOUR SUITCASE CHECK YOUR WORRIES AT THE GATE COME OUT AND PLAY BOY CRUISE THE WORLD TO FIND YOUR PERFECT PLAYMATE FRANK JUNIOR THINGS LOOK BETTER FROM ABOVE SO BUCKLE UP.

I really don't know. Regis Hotel.32 Scene 8: The St.. she starts removing her outer garments. Manhattan CHERYL ANN Nice uniform.) CHERYL ANN So. FRANK JUNIOR Call me Frank. a few years ago. What's a night worth? With me? FRANK JUNIOR I — gosh. FRANK JUNIOR Don’t I know you from somewhere? CHERYL ANN Maybe. I was on the cover of Seventeen .. Cheryl. Are you going to make me an offer? FRANK JUNIOR I'm sorry — an offer for what? CHERYL ANN A man like you can buy anything he wants. Captain. Could I get your autograph? CHERYL ANN Do you have a pen . Um. FRANK JUNIOR Sure — you're that model! Cheryl Ann—something—in the Plaza. . CHERYL ANN Frank. (As they head up the stairs.) Five hundred? (She gets on the elevator) A thousand dollars? (She stops the elevator doors from closing) CHERYL ANN One thousand dollars. in your room? FRANK JUNIOR I think I do.. Three hundred? (She closes her coat and heads back to the elevator..

. (pulling cash from her bust) ....33 FRANK JUNIOR I have to cash a check. FRANK JUNIOR It's for fourteen hundred.? FRANK JUNIOR (pulls one out) They've done it for me before. CHERYL ANN You give me the check .m. and I'll give you four hundred dollars. FRANK JUNIOR Even better. She hands him the check and the cash as they disappear together down the elevator lift) . CHERYL ANN (inspecting it) Endorse it over to me. CHERYL ANN You think this hotel is going to cash a thousand dollar check at three a. (MUSIC. It's a cashier's check.

And if our UnSub thinks he can hide there he’s sorely mistaken. HANRATTY Judas Priest. Sixtyish. William Franklin. He is taunting me. He will. or sneaking off for quickies with the secretaries on three. Where the hell is Liechtenstein? HANRATTY The principality of Liechtenstein is a landlocked alpine country in Western Europe bordered by Switzerland to the west and south and Austria to the east. Quantico. Believe it. it's very disappointing. a virtuoso. He's been honing his craft for years. Or the women. Hanratty. COD Jesus.) BRANTON What the hell! DOLLAR (entering) You know. COD He’s gone global. why the hell'd you drag us out to Quantico? This guy’s a pen and ink man. Hanratty.a. One day he's in Dallas. A paperhanger. BRANTON It’s just forgery. No. This job is about just one guy. Hanratty and the men enter. He’s out there somewhere. He's a true talent. . He probably doesn’t even carry a gun. There’s no way the Bureau’s gonna give us travel money for Liechtenwhatsit. He doesn’t even know you exist. BRANTON But we can't fix a location on him. Hanratty takes aim and fires. Frank Taylor a. VA (As Frank Junior leaves with Cheryl Ann. I didn't feel a thing. Dollar! This job is not about shooting at people. salt-and-pepper. He's Old School.34 Scene 9: A Firing Range. The next he's in Stuttgart. Rome. Barcelona. ) BRANTON Hanratty. But they always make a mistake.k. (Bullets WHIZ and DING and they duck for cover. Frank Williams a.a. if shooting people is anything like target practice. He's making the rules. FBI Training Ground. It's the overconfidence.k. No. HANRATTY This guy's just a forger like Mickey Mantle is just a hitter. COD C’mon. tall. He's not playing the game. Or the wine. Hanratty. HANRATTY He will. HANRATTY We’re getting closer to this guy and you need to bone up on some of the skills you’ve let slide sitting in that basement sipping peppermint schnapps out of your coffee cup. The last bad checks came from Liechtenstein. Years I tell you. he is toying with me. You want to arrest him or hire him? HANRATTY I see him in my sleep. boys. It’s not about punching the clock waiting for retirement.

. THERE IS NO MIDDLE GROUND THOUGH HOODLUMS TRY TO BLUR THE LINE AND TWIST THE TRUTH AROUND THEN THEY CALL THEMSELVES A WINNER BUT THEY'RE SELF-DECEIVING FOOLS 'CAUSE THE GAME AIN'T WORTH WINNING IF YOU'RE BREAKING ALL THE RULES THE LAW IS LAYED UPON US WHEN AS KIDS WE FIRST ASK "WHY?" OUR PARENTS SET THE RULES WHEN "'CAUSE I SAID SO. I only wanted to play cops. (MUSIC.) FRANK JUNIOR Ladies and gentlemen . Other kids wanted to play cops and robbers.. HANRATTY I will not stay cool. (Frank Junior appears . Carl Hanratty.35 BRANTON Okay. were you always like this? HANRATTY Long as I can remember.. and disappears.) I think I was born this way. BRANTON Hanratty." THEY REPLY AND THOUGH I THOUGHT I HATED THEM AND SCREAMED WITH ALL MY MIGHT THE NEXT TIME THAT I HAD A CHOICE GEE WHIZ! I DID WHAT'S RIGHT NO. I have never been cool and I don’t intend to start now.. Stay cool.. I NEVER SNUCK A DRINK I NEVER STOLE A PACK OF "KOOLS" 'CAUSE THE GAME AIN'T WORTH WINNING IF YOU'RE BREAKING ALL THE RULES .) SONG: BREAKING ALL THE RULES HANRATTY IT STARTS VERY EARLY ONCE THE BABY TOYS ARE GONE A KID ON THE PLAYGROUND HAS TO CHOOSE WHAT SIDE HE'S ON IT'S THE BULLIES OR THE GOOD GUYS BOY. okay.. (.

36 HANRATTY OR ELSE WE’RE LIVING IN THE WILD. WILD WEST DON’T BREAK THE RULES GOD’S KEEPING SCORE AND YOU DON’T WANNA FAIL THAT TEST DON’T BREAK THE RULES YOU THUMB YOUR NOSE RIGHT AT THE LIFE FOR WHICH I STRIVE BUT THOSE RULES. THOSE LAWS KEEP US ALIVE. SINAI CRIED AND BEGGED ON THEIR BEHALF OH LORD! HE ALMOST DROPPED THOSE TABLETS WHEN HE SAW THAT GOLDEN CALF WHAT? NOW WE TEACH THE TEN COMMANDMENTS EVERY SUNDAY IN OUR SCHOOLS ‘CAUSE THE GAME AIN’T WORTH WINNING IF YOU’RE BREAKING ALL THE RULES I GUESS THE CONSTITUTION. BOYS. IT STARTED BACK WITH MOSES WHEN HE LED AROUND THE JEWS THE JEWS AND CLIMBED WAY UP THAT MOUNTAIN TO PICK UP GOD’S DAILY NEWS TELL ME THE NEWS HE SCHLEPPED UP OLD MT. WILD WEST DON’T BREAK THE RULES GOD’S KEEPING SCORE AND YOU DON’T WANNA FAIL THAT TEST AND BABY … I GUESS … EVERY SUNDAY IN OUR SCHOOLS THOSE RULES. THOSE LAWS KEEP US ALIVE. TO SOME IS TOO COMPLEX THEY THINK OUR FOUNDING FATHERS FOUGHT SO THEY COULD FORGE SOME CHECKS THEY SEE THEMSELVES AS ROBIN HOOD STEALING FROM THE RICH NOT PAYING BACK THE THINGS THEY TAKE WELL PAYBACK IS A BITCH ‘CAUSE THE WORLD AIN’T SHERWOOD FOREST YOU CAN’T GIVE AWAY THOSE JEWELS AND THE GAME AIN’T WORTH WINNING IF YOU’RE BREAKING ALL THE RULES OR ELSE WE’RE LIVING IN THE WILD. MEN DON’T BREAK THE RULES THEY THINK THEY SEE THEMSELVES DON’TCHA KNOW THEY’RE NOT PAYING BACK POW!!! YOU CAN’T GIVE AWAY THOSE JEWELS DON’T BREAK THE RULES .

37 DON’T BREAK THE RULES YOU THUMB YOUR NOSE RIGHT AT THE LIFE FOR WHICH I STRIVE BUT THOSE RULES. DOO-WOP. BABY THOSE RULES THOSE LAWS THE WORLD WOULD BE IN TOTAL CHAOS BOP! ‘CAUSE WITHOUT THEM WE’RE JUST MULES THE GAME AIN’T WORTH WINNING THE GAME AIN’T WORTH WINNING THE GAME AIN’T WORTH WINNING DON’T BREAK THE RULES BUT THOSE RULES. SELL SOME POT IT’S ALL THE SAME TO ME YOU’RE EITHER GUILTY OR YOU’RE NOT DOO-WOP. MAN AND ONE DAY I’LL CATCH YOU SO. THOSE LAWS KEEP US ALIVE! US ALIVE! OOH-OOH WOP OOH-OOH BOP! OOH-OOH YOU’RE AN OUTLAW THROUGH AND THROUGH AND ONE DAY I’LL CATCH YOU SO. GO SNEAK DOO-WOP. GO SNEAK INTO A MOVIE RUN A RED LIGHT. IT’S LAWS THAT KEEP US HUMAN ‘CAUSE WITHOUT THEM WE’RE JUST MULES AND THE GAME AIN’T WORTH WINNING I SAY THE GAME AIN’T WORTH WINNING OH OH OH THE GAME AIN’T WORTH WINNING IF YOU’RE BREAKING ALL THE RULES OR ELSE WE’RE LIVING IN THE WILD. THOSE LAWS KEEP US ALIVE! WHEN YOU STEAL SOMEBODY’S MONEY SCREW HIS DAUGHTER OR HIS WIFE YOU DON’T THINK OF REPERCUSSIONS AS YOU TAP DANCE THROUGH YOUR LIFE THOUGH YOU SMILE LIKE YOU’RE A HERO YOU’RE AN OUTLAW BUT THE ODDS ARE IN MY FAVOR. DOO-WOP! . WILD WEST DON’T BREAK THE RULES GOD’S KEEPING SCORE AND YOU DON’T WANNA FAIL THAT TEST DON’T BREAK THE RULES YOU THUMB YOUR NOSE AT THE LIFE FOR WHICH I STRIVE BUT THOSE RULES THOSE LAWS THOSE LAWS THOSE RULES THOSE LAWS THOSE LAWS. WOW! IF WE ALL DID WHAT WE WANTED EVERY TIME WE FELT THE URGE THE WORLD WOULD BE IN TOTAL CHAOS IT’S ALREADY ON THE VERGE ‘CAUSE.

38 KEEP US ALIVE! KEEP US ALIVE! BOP! SONG ENDS. Who the hell taught you to shoot? DOLLAR My daddy taught me how to turn a mister into a missus at a hundred yards. Come on aboard. jumpin’ puddles for the weak and weary. BRANTON Yeah . Branton and Dollar enter opposite. (The FBI Agents scatter. Frank Junior enters with his suitcase.) COD Hanratty. not in unison) The Skywayman. First Officer.. ma’am. A lovely STEWARDESS enters with a clipboard. with a flyer in hand... FRANK JUNIOR Skywayman? (The Stewardess hands him a newspaper. Are you my deadhead today? FRANK JUNIOR Yes. STEWARDESS First class is full. scans it.. I'm gonna regret this.) STEWARDESS Good morning. FRANK JUNIOR Thanks! STEWARDESS Be sure to watch out for that Skywayman. (Hanratty grabs and scans it. posing as an airline pilot . Frank Jr. back to work. flying all over the world . (Hanratty enters. Crime doesn’t take a holiday.. kid.. HANRATTY All right. All the airlines are after him . I don’t really want to know about that.) HANRATTY + FRANK JUNIOR (overlapping. opened and folded to an article. and Cod follows him in. but look at this field bulletin..) BRANTON You’re dangerous. Been on the same equipment all week.. . but I’ve got the jump seat open.

(Frank Junior gives the paper back to the Hotel Clerk and exits. Cod. Hanratty and the boys exit and we go right to the Latin Quarter.) . FRANK JUNIOR Like a superhero. and commissary on the Eastern seaboard. cafe. We're checking every airport hotel. he drops rubber everywhere he goes. boys. We just became front page news. I'll have to look out for him.39 STEWARDESS They don't know how he does it. All right. HANRATTY Maybe .) HANRATTY Nice work. HANRATTY Maybe he's a master con artist. motel. FRANK JUNIOR Crazy world we live in. (MUSIC.. COD Maybe he forged some credentials? FRANK JUNIOR The Skywayman. She follows..

I wasn't going to let them take it from me. They have a guy to give towels to the guy who gives you towels. FRANK JUNIOR Dad. in uniform. I'm sort of just a copilot. The goddamn government knows that. I thought it might be just the place to take you when I got back to the States.) FRANK SENIOR This place . FRANK SENIOR Look at us.40 Scene 10: The Latin Quarter. Called their bluff. It's all a matter of timing. FRANK SENIOR Where? FRANK JUNIOR Los Angeles. (Frank Senior makes his way through the beautiful girls—who give him a little love. . Frank. FRANK SENIOR My son the birdman. they'll forget about me. Frankie. I don't really fly. FRANK SENIOR I had to close the store for a while.. I went by the store today. Where're you flying that plane tonight? FRANK JUNIOR Well. Sooner or later.) SONG: THE PINSTRIPES ARE ALL THAT THEY SEE (REPRISE) SHOWGIRLS UNDERNEATH IS MY UNIFORM ALL IN SILK. FRANK JUNIOR I heard about it in Paris. waits at their table. FRANK JUNIOR Yeah. On top of the world.. New York City (A floor show is just finishing. they hit you when you're down. something else. FROM PAREE A MAN CAN MAKE PASSES OR USE X RAY GLASSES BUT! PINSTRIPES ARE ALL THAT HE’LL SEE! SONG ENDS. FRANK SENIOR Hollywood. with the girls dressed in pinstripes. So I just shut the doors myself. Frank Junior.

) … and strike up an orchestra. Frankie. And six weeks later. FRANK JUNIOR I can be anything you need me to be.. I can help out now. But I won't let her go without a fight. FRANK SENIOR Keep it. FRANK JUNIOR If she saw you had the store back — FRANK SENIOR Two hundred soldiers in that tiny social hall. (Back to Frank Junior. She's a formidable woman. I can have breakfast in Rome. always has been. Frankie. lunch in Miami. She's stubborn. she was my wife. watching her dance. I make lots of money. There's plenty more where this came from. Pay off the Feds. FRANK JUNIOR But maybe if Mom saw — FRANK SENIOR Do I look like I need your help? (A moment. Dad. Because I learned from the best. FRANK SENIOR And here I thought you were just a copilot. FRANK JUNIOR I'm fine.41 (Frank Junior slides a thick envelope across the table. MUSIC. I can snap my fingers . . FRANK JUNIOR Listen. Dad. (He raises his hand. FRANK SENIOR That's fine. and dinner in San Francisco. to bartender.) Don't worry about your mom and me.) FRANK SENIOR What's this? FRANK JUNIOR Let's open up the store. believe me. everything's different now.. Take good care of yourself. Frank Sr. FRANK JUNIOR She could be again. Get things back the way they were. snaps his fingers twice. I got this great job. FRANK SENIOR I don't know. I didn't speak a word of French. You got your own worries.) Double Bourbon.

DEDUCED HIS PLIGHT SAID “THIS IS NO WAY TO SPEND A SATURDAY NIGHT!” BUT HE HAD THE STYLE TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT SO HE MADE BUTTER OUTTA CREAM HE KICKED HIS LEGS UP HE TOSSED AND TURNED SO NOT TO END UP A GHOST HE DID THE HOKEY-POKEY TILL THE CREAM WAS CHURNED THEN BABY. FRANK SENIOR Nah—you’re doing great.. It’s Frank and Dean. TAKE A SEAT TWO LITTLE MICE OF GREAT RENOWN FELL IN SOME MILK AND ONE PROCEEDED TO DROWN THE OTHER ONE’S STILL THE TOAST OF THE TOWN CAUSE HE MADE BUTTER OUTTA CREAM HE LOOKED AROUND. FRANK JUNIOR Really? FRANK SENIOR. FRANK JUNIOR This is a duet. you know . HE MADE COFFEE OUT OF BEANS . FRANK SENIOR Well. HE WALKED RIGHT OUT AND BUTTERED HIS TOAST NOW HE’S ON TOP FOR GOODNESS SAKES YEAH. Dad.42 SONG: BUTTER OUTTA CREAM FRANK JUNIOR REMEMBER THAT STORY I LEARNED AT YOUR FEET WELL NOW IT’S MY TURN. there is one you haven’t told you. THERE WAS A COCKROACH IN BRAZIL GOT DRUNK AT THE LOCAL COFFEE MILL HE THOUGHT HIS TIME WAS UP UNTIL HE MADE COFFEE OUTTA BEANS WHEN HE CAME TO HE HEARD SUCH A SOUND MUCH TO HIS SHOCK WHEN HE LOOKED AROUND HE HAD BEEN SCOOPED AND WAS ABOUT TO BE GROUND SO.. It’s not a solo act. HE’S THE BIG CHEESE UP AT “LAND O’ LAKES” HE’S LIVING PROOF THAT POP ALL IT TAKES IS A SCHEME SO IF YOU LAND IN THE GUTTER JUST MAKE BUTTER OUT OF CREAM FRANK JUNIOR Your turn.

Son! BOTH SO THINK OF THOSE TWO WHEN LIFE’S THE PITS FRANK SENIOR “THE BUG” FRANK JUNIOR AND “THE MOUSE” BOTH AT THE END OF THEIR WITS THEY KNEW THE KEY TO LIFE IS THAT ITS WHA’ CHA DREAM SO IF LEMONS CLOG YOUR SINK UP DON’T JUST STAND AROUND AND SCREAM SPIKE SOME LEMONADE AND DRINK UP AND MAKE BUTTER OUT OF CREAM FRANK SENIOR JUST MAKE BUTTER OUT OF CREAM FRANK JUNIOR MAKE SOME BUTTER OUT OF CREAM FRANK SENIOR I HEAR WHAT YOU’RE SAYING. THINGS BEGAN TO PERCOLATE HE HELD HIS BREATH AND SWAM TO THE TOP HE BORROWED BEANS FROM HIS MOM AND POP AND OPENED UP HIS OWN COFFEE SHOP OUT IN QUEENS! WHEN HIS LIGHTS WERE ALMOST OFF HE JUST MADE COFFEE OUTTA BEANS FRANK JUNIOR Let’s bring this one home. Dad! FRANK SENIOR All right.43 FRANK SENIOR (CONT’D) HE MARCHED TO THE SOUTH AND HE STOMPED TO THE NORTH HE HAD TO RACE AGAINST FATE HE DID THE CUCARACHA WHILE THOSE TEARS POURED FORTH THEN SEÑOR. SON I’LL MAKE BUTTER OUT OF CREAM! SONG ENDS .

DOLLAR (holds up a comic book) The Flash. junk-food containers. (The other agents look at the trash.) BRANTON Hanaratty! The manager says he just checked out three hours ago. Dollar. Impress me. Cod. Come on.) BRANTON I'll take your word for it.44 Scene 11: Idlewild Airport Motel. HANRATTY (sighs) Branton. real name unknown. Branton appears at the door. Was here for almost a week. go canvas the other guests. left us a goldmine. when you're dead. COD Oh my god! It's Hanratty! HANRATTY That's funny. get license plate numbers on every car in the lot. Cod. opening drawers. . COD Looks like he left in a hurry. crumpled papers. and Dollar inspect a much-used motel room: comic books. BRANTON (holds up a Playboy) He has a breast fetish. lifting cushions. I'll make a note to laugh later. Room 135 (Hanratty. and dumps the contents on the floor. I'll process the room. then at Hanratty. He likes comic books.) Mister Taylor. inspecting furniture. then picks up the wastebasket. No forwarding. HANRATTY Okay fellows. COD (holds up a pizza box and a jar of peanut butter) He lives on junk food. That's very funny. What's his next move? What goes on in the mind of an obsessive loner? BRANTON Why don't you tell us? (Hanratty glares at Branton. Cod. (They begin to pore over the room.) HANRATTY A man's secrets are in his trash. people.

Paula on the phone.45 COD (as the men leave) Right. Jack Barnes and Paula.) All right.) HANRATTY A BOBBY PIN TWO BASEBALL CARDS SOME DAY-OLD CHINESE FOOD TWO TICKET STUBS THE RED SOX ALWAYS LOSE . A RING. THEY'LL BE MY GUIDE TO THE MAN INSIDE THE CLUES (Lights on Frank Junior.) HANRATTY No. no. Lights fade on all three. in night clothes. picking through the garbage. SONG: THE MAN INSIDE THE CLUES HANRATTY A COMIC BOOK A MISS JULY A MATCHBOOK FROM "THE FLAME" SOME CHEWING GUM A MISMATCHED PAIR OF SHOES A LETTER HOME THAT WASN’T MAILED A CHECK WITHOUT A NAME YEAH. Something doesn't jive here. on the phone. Paula looks at Jack and shakes her head. Say. I know you're in here somewhere. Elsewhere. Mister Taylor. no. You ever look at your own garbage? (The other agents go. The Flash? Peanut butter? Maybe he's got a kid? (Hanratty goes to work. Hanratty. give me the phone.) PAULA Hello? Hello? Frankie is that you? JACK BARNES Is it him again? PAULA Frankie? JACK BARNES Paula. in another hotel room. are you there? (Frank Junior abruptly hangs up. PAULA Frankie.

yeah. The two of you should come out to Los Angeles with me. DOLLAR Fantastic. sure. I know it's late—I just flew in from Ireland. and returns to the room.) FRANK JUNIOR Hi Miss Room Service. SHE NEVER COMES HE LOCKED THE DOOR BUT I DON'T NEED A KEY THERE'S ONLY GARBAGE ON THE FLOOR TO OTHERS. Have you been there? It's so beautiful—oh. I'd like to place an order.) BRANTON Anything? HANRATTY (hands him a crumpled sheet of paper) Pan Am stationery. my family flies for free. BRANTON He could use the sun. but stops. (The men exit. Hanratty moves to follow. (reads) "As a Pan Am pilot.) . THEY'RE JUST CRUMBS THOSE CRUMBS LOOK LIKE A FIVE-COURSE MEAL TO ME (The other agents return. I'll hold. BRANTON The two of who? HANRATTY Who knows? But we know he's going to Los Angeles. COD (as he and Branton turn to go) Now that's the best idea he's had yet.) HANRATTY DO NOT DISTURB IS ON THE DOOR THE MAID.46 A VALENTINE THAT WASN’T SENT A SCENT TO SET THE MOOD WHEN I TAKE A RIDE WITH THE MAN INSIDE THE CLUES (Lights on Frank Junior. And so are we. Maybe then --" (looks up) Unfinished. If he were any more pale. (Lights fade on him. he'd be transparent. in yet another hotel room.

. SONG ENDS... LIKE A FRONT DOOR KEY A HOME COOKED MEAL THE HAPPY BRIDE AND GROOM THEN LIFE KICKS IN AND MAKES YOU PAY YOUR DUES AND THEN YOU FIND YOU'RE BY YOURSELF IN A SINGLE MOTEL ROOM THAT'S BEEN OCCUPIED . THE HOUSE FOR SALE A MILLION NIGHTS ALONE TO WISH YOU HAD THE THINGS YOU THREW AWAY .47 HANRATTY I'VE LOOKED INTO SO MANY LIVES BUT NEVER AT MY OWN THE TRAIL I LEFT IS SUCH A DAMN CLICHÉ THE LONELY WIFE.. . BY THE MAN INSIDE THE CLUES THE MAN INSIDE THE CLUES.

They all cleared. looking over a bureau and table filled with the implements of forgery. I was gonna deposit this one today. (Hanratty proceeds. Junior laying on his bed in his room.. in other directions. but the room is empty. a FLUSH.. MOTEL MANAGER Good. gun drawn.) If you’re good little boys. Hanratty and men enter the patio with the MOTEL MANAGER. Dollar eagerly follows suit. You guys back me up. mister.B. Dollar takes the exit. to room 201. MOTEL MANAGER You said there wouldn’t be any trouble. We see Frank. From the bathroom. . you’ll get one. HANRATTY There won’t be any trouble. HANRATTY Relax.) Put it away.! (. glumly.I.) HANRATTY F. I’ll just take this check and be on my way.. I’ll buy you all a Good Humor bar. Hanratty slowly moves in.! Come out with your hands on your head. The rest exit. cautiously.I.) HANRATTY F. HANRATTY You mean he’s still here? MOTEL MANAGER (hesitates) Two-oh-one.B.) Hanratty bursts in through the door . listening to the radio.. (Hanratty draws his gun. RADIO ANNOUNCEMENT KRLA … It’s currently a summer sixty five degrees here in Los Angeles … MOTEL MANAGER He wrote three checks. HANRATTY I take the lead.48 Scene 12: A Motel (Patio and Room) in Los Angeles. I don’t want any trouble. too. (Dollar complies. I don’t want my customers harassed. Hanratty points his gun.

buddy. Barry Allen. United States Secret Service. drafting glue—he even makes little payroll envelopes addressed to himself from Pan Am. HANRATTY Keep your hands where I can see them. anyway? HANRATTY Hanratty.) FRANK JUNIOR Guy's got a MICR encoder. We’ve been following a paper trail for months. FRANK JUNIOR You mind if I see some ID. Would you mind taking that gun out of my face? It makes me nervous. are the only ones tracking this guy? He’s been dabbling in government checks. take my whole wallet. then in a motel outside D. Put your hands on your head or I’ll shoot. Nods at Hanratty.) FRANK JUNIOR He’s got about two hundred checks here—a gallon of India ink. The name's Allen. no. Your man just tried to climb out the window—my partner has him in custody downstairs. you’re late. (Frank Junior ignores the gun pointed at him and walks to the desk. HANRATTY What are you talking about? Keep your hands on your head. near Dulles airport. FRANK JUNIOR Don’t worry about it. FRANK JUNIOR Here. (tosses him wallet) You want my gun. can you believe that? HANRATTY Don’t move. We almost had him in New York.I. too? HANRATTY No. FRANK JUNIOR Relax. .C. FRANK JUNIORS Can’t be too careful these days. black suit. Carl? HANRATTY Sure. FRANK JUNIOR You think the F. HANRATTY Let me see some identification. What’s your name. He's in a different. Carl Hanratty. I wasn’t expecting Secret Service on this.49 (Frank Junior calmly emerges from the bathroom.B.

HANRATTY Sure. HANRATTY Okay. (They laugh. He must be your age at least. I asked for that one! FRANK JUNIOR Just do me a favor. I hate when that happens. What does he look like? FRANK JUNIOR He's a handsome son of a bitch. turns) What? HANRATTY Your wallet. I trust you. HANRATTY That’s okay. (Frank Junior picks up the MICR machine and heads for the door. Frank Junior goes to a pitcher of water and pours himself a drink — and only we can see he's trembling. FRANK JUNIOR (freezes. sorry. Five minutes earlier and you would have landed yourself a pretty good collar. I’m just a little … (Hanratty indicates nerves with his hands. some maid comes in here and starts making the bed. FRANK JUNIOR Hang on to it till I come back for the rest of the stuff.) FRANK JUNIOR You know. ten seconds later you would have been shot. Right here. That was a joke. let me ask you something. Carl. . Sit tight a minute while I get some of this evidence downstairs. HANRATTY Wait.50 HANRATTY Sure.) Hey. FRANK JUNIOR He is pretty damn old. I don’t want anyway walking through my crime scene. HANRATTY Yeah? I had him figured for an older guy. then stop laughing. HANRATTY You shouldn’t. (Hanratty hands Frank Junior his business card) FRANK JUNIOR Tough luck.) Here.

Carl. Jesus Christ.) Mister Hanratty and his men caught the next plane back to DC.) HANRATTY Nice guy. I guess I always wanted to see our nation's capital at Christmas. Frank Williams. (Frank Junior smiles at him and goes. I love it. He was right there! BRANTON What are you talking about? HANRATTY I let him convince me he was someone else. Opens the wallet. I caught the one after that. (He shrugs. DOLLAR We all make mistakes. . I don't know why. wasn't it? Misdirection.) COD Where is he? HANRATTY I had him. I love it.51 FRANK JUNIOR You got me. Frank Fuck! (The other three agents rush into the room. Frank Black. Maintain eye contact. The best time of the year. DOLLAR Barry Allen? The Flash? HANRATTY What? DOLLAR Barry Allen is the alter ego of the Flash. I love it. Barry Allen from the Secret Service.) Frank Taylor. it happens to the best of us. HANRATTY Not to me.. HANRATTY Oh. Not to me. Keep talking. (Lights. Fingers through the ID cards within. To us. sir. Frank Junior in a spot. (He stops. And I .) FRANK JUNIOR That was close.) I love my job.. Thinks a minute. (unable to contain himself) We got him! (He does a little victory dance.

(checks his watch without looking up) It's not Christmas Eve. HANRATTY You're wrong. FRANK JUNIOR I'm just going to get some air. (Lights on Frank Junior at a pay phone. (Frank Junior struggles to extricate himself and get offstage to get his letter jacket on. He's poring over documents with a loupe. Hanratty (He goes. You're not going to redeem yourself with the boys upstairs by having a miserable holiday. Go home. He picks up. THE SOUND’S SUBLIME LISTEN TO THOSE CHURCH BELLS CHIME CHRISTMAS IS MY FAVORITE TIME OF YEAR (A few of the Stewardesses approach Frank Junior. DC SONG: CHRISTMAS IS MY FAVORITE TIME OF YEAR (PARTY VERSION) (The Stewardesses and Pilots party as Frank Junior looks on.52 Scene 13: A Hotel Room and the FBI Building.) .) PARTYGOERS ANGELS SING. both Washington. come on. Hanratty's phone RINGS.) BRANTON Hanratty.) LINDY What’s the matter.) (The Stewardesses and Pilots dance off as we TRANISTION TO Hanratty's office. It's Christmas. Branton enters. It's Christmas Eve.) HANRATTY This is Hanratty. honey? CINDY You look pooped! MINDY You need a good long layover. BRANTON You want me to stay? HANRATTY No. Merry Christmas. You've got kids. BRANTON Merry Christmas.

No family. I thought maybe you had a family? HANRATTY No. FRANK JUNIOR Carl. HANRATTY Goddamn it. HANRATTY Who is this? FRANK JUNIOR I’ve been trying to track you down.53 FRANK JUNIOR Hello. you don't feel sorry for me. It’s Christmas. Just like Vegas—the house always wins. Carl. don’t you? One way or another. FRANK JUNIOR Me either. SONG: MY FAVORITE TIME OF YEAR HANRATTY YEAH. Secret Service! What do you want? FRANK JUNIOR I want to apologize for what happened out in Los Angeles. HANRATTY Yeah? Screw you. I knew it was you. FRANK JUNIOR People only know what you tell them. CHRISTMAS IS MY FAVORITE TIME OF YEAR FRANK JUNIOR SOME SUGAR PLUMS I HAVEN’T KISSED BUT MISTLETOE I MUST RESIST CAUSE I’M ON ST. CARL’S MOST WANTED LIST . DON’TCHA LOVE THE YULETIDE FUN THERE’S JOY AND CHEER FOR EVERYONE I WAIT FOR SANTA WITH A GUN YES. The fact is. HANRATTY Barry Allen. Merry Christmas. HANRATTY You’re gonna get caught. Maybe I didn’t pull the trigger but I knew. I did. I’m sorry if I made a fool out of you. FRANK JUNIOR I didn’t think I’d get you in. you know that. HANRATTY Then tell me something: how did you know I wouldn’t look in your wallet? FRANK JUNIOR I didn’t.

IF TOMORROW SANTA’S FLOWN THE TREE IS DOWN AND YOU’RE ALONE I'M ALWAYS HERE. But stops. THEY’RE STILL YOURS TO HOLD IF YOU … FRANK SENIOR & PAULA & HANRATTY COME IN FROM THE COLD (Lights fade on Frank Senior and Paula. You didn’t call me to apologize.) .) HANRATTY. did you? FRANK JUNIOR What do you mean? HANRATTY You’ve got no one else to talk to. CHRISTMAS IS MY FAVORITE TIME OF YEAR (Lights on Frank Senior and Paula. FRANK JR. FRANK JUNIOR (half beat) I have to go. NOT YOU PAULA CAUSE YOUR FAMILY’S HERE FRANK SENIOR & PAULA YEAH. RIGHT BY THE PHONE FRANK JUNIOR & HANRATTY YES CHRISTMAS IS MY FAVORITE TIME OF YEAR HANRATTY Wait a minute. While Hanratty waits on the other end of the phone. FRANK SR. HANRATTY Frank! Wait! (Frank Junior almost hangs up the phone.) HANRATTY SO. PAULA AND THERE’S A HOME WHERE YOU CAN’T GO AND THERE’S A LIFE THAT’S FULL OF LOVE YOU USED TO KNOW HANRATTY FOR ME IT’S TRUE FRANK SENIOR BUT KID. Wait a minute. Frank Junior covers the mouthpiece and turns to us.54 BOTH YES. separately.

It was a lonely life. (He sings.55 FRANK JUNIOR Mister Hanratty was right. Everything. But I was about to meet someone. and she was gonna change everything.) HANRATTY (to himself) He’s a kid. HANRATTY Why? FRANK JUNIOR Just do it. HANRATTY No I won't.) But right now . Tonight . SONG ENDS. BUT WHO KNOWS WHEN HANRATTY AND. HANRATTY Frank? (Brenda fades. END OF ACT ONE . I HOPE WE’LL MEET AGAIN LIKE WHEN YOU’RE SERVING EIGHT TO TEN BOTH YES..) FRANK JUNIOR I'm still here. HANRATTY Sooner or later you'll get tired of running. CHRISTMAS IS MY FAVORITE TIME OF YEAR (Hanratty sees Frank Junior in the pay phone booth. Frank Junior jumps off the stage and disappears up the aisle of the theatre.. dreaming. Frank Junior turns back to the phone. (to us) He’s a kid.) I’LL CALL YOU SOON. She stops and looks in our direction.. FRANK.. (Lights on Brenda. FRANK JUNIOR Look out the window. FRANK JUNIOR Sooner or later you'll get tired of chasing me.

) We just go to each address and ask to see a family photo. so it was time for me to lay low for a while. Frank Junior. full of professionals. The men follow... the long list trailing behind him. So we check out every runaway teen and missing student in the tri-state area over the past three years. (The PARTY DOCTOR approaches Frank Junior as we CONTINUE TO:) .) HANRATTY Look. it's simple. Riverbend would be written up in Playboy as the address for swinging singles.56 ACT TWO Scene 1: The FBI Building.. But for right now. We know he's a kid. The last agent stays behind. I moved to the Riverbend Apartments in Atlanta..) ALL PARTY DOCTORS + NURSES Woo-hoo! FRANK JUNIOR Of course. live off my savings. . We find out who's responsible for the kid. the perfect place to keep things quiet. which just keeps coming. no more lies. men. (PARTY DOCTORS and NURSES enter at a stumbling run. we see Hanratty and his three men. Let's go. He waves. I just had to keep a low profile. No more cons. DC (As the Entre' Acte ends. a few years later. whipping off his fedora and RayBans to reveal . DOLLAR (voice over) How long will that take? HANRATTY As long as it takes. a real nice complex. and I'd wrung out every bank in the Northeast. (Hanratty exits. (He pulls out a sheet of paper. huddled in a hallway.) FRANK JUNIOR Good luck with that! Poor Agent Hanratty. I think that's gonna take a while. Georgia. drinks in hand. My career as a pilot was pretty much done. Washington. I pulled a list from the mainframe. no more high living.

sexy legs first. no.) What am I doing? I can't be a doctor. Well. ) Oh yeah.) FRANK JUNIOR Oh... Be great to have you there! (He goes.57 Scene 2: The Riverbend Apartments and Atlanta General Hospital. Why do I do this every time?) PARTY DOCTOR What do you do. The NURSES rise into view. You know. surgery? Orthopedics? FRANK JUNIOR Pediatrics? PARTY DOCTOR Snot-nosed little kids? You can have 'em. FRANK JUNIOR (works the problem) Oh. Atlanta (The PARTY DOCTOR throws an arm around him. (. Why do I do this every time? (MUSIC.. (The NURSES seduce Frank Junior into the medical profession—dressing him as a doctor in the process.. thank you..) SONG: DOCTOR'S ORDERS NURSE HEY DOCTOR. Frank. (Frank Junior shoots us a despairing look. what brings you to the Riverbend complex? I thought it was just us doctors and nurses here..) Ladies and gentlemen—nurses. ARE YOU ON CALL? I'M NOT FEELING SO WELL AT ALL I KEPT THINKING ABOUT YA AS I COULD NOT SLEEP A WINK LAST NIGHT NURSE I TOSSED AND TURNED THE WHOLE NIGHT LONG KEPT FEELING LIKE SOMETHING'S WRONG I NEED A CHECKUP TO MAKE EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT . Listen. then back to us. Frank Junior looks at them .) PARTY DOCTOR So. (Frank Junior turns to us. I . I'll find out if there's anything open down at Atlanta General. I'm a doctor.

standing over a patient with another doctor. son..." THREE NURSES AND I GOTTA GET SOME SOON . Do you concur. Doctor Casey? BEN CASEY Let's not jump to any conclusions. the last one handing him a remote. . We'll find out what's ailing you. I . I concur. Frank Junior watches as Ben Casey makes a diagnosis. (The Nurses leave him. Ben Casey always made it look easy on television. now that I think of it.. ALL NURSES LET ME TELL YA THAT NURSE MAYBE I NEVER LISTENED GOOD I NEVER DID THE THINGS I SHOULD BUT I'M READY TO TAKE DOCTOR'S ORDERS! NURSE BABY.. I NEVER FELT SO BAD I NEED SOMETHING I NEVER HAD AND I'M READY .) FRANK JUNIOR How am I going to get through this? Medicine? But. TO TAKE DOCTOR'S ORDERS! ALL NURSES OOH OOH .58 ALL NURSES SO I .. NURSE NEED ME A LITTLE "T.. doctor? OTHER DOCTOR Yes. What do you recommend.C.. (He snaps his fingers and a Ben Casey episode appears.. We'll run every test we can..) BEN CASEY I think what we have here is advanced third-degree encephelomarginalia. NURSE MADE THIS APPOINTMENT NURSE AND I CLEARED YOUR AFTERNOON ALL NURSES YES.L..

the sight of blood makes me vomit. DOCTOR WANAMAKER You're just the perfect candidate. calligraphy. Welcome aboard. DOCTOR WANAMAKER All right then. But there's the little matter of a med school degree — (He's joined by DOCTOR WANAMAKER.. and the nurses come back. and you'd primarily be supervising residents and interns.59 FRANK JUNIOR (clicks it off. And you actually brought in your diploma. FRANK JUNIOR (to us) Act Two is brought to you by parchment paper.. READY DOCTOR'S ORDERS NURSES OOH OOH . (Wanamaker laughs. so you wouldn't get much real patient contact— FRANK JUNIOR I'll take it. Hanratty? FRANK JUNIOR He’s my mentor. Frank Junior stops laughing and gives us a panicked look.. Frank Junior laughs. Doctor .) No. IT'S AN EMERGENCY AND I'M READY TO TAKE DOCTOR'S ORDERS NURSE BABY I NEED THE ANTIDOTE YOU'RE HIDING UNDER THAT WHITE LAB COAT YES I'M READY TO TAKE DOCTOR'S ORDERS NURSES OOH OOH . Slightly doddering. and press-on-letters. He's inspecting a parchment document. DOCTOR WANAMAKER At the moment.. the only thing open is overnight ER supervisor. FRANK JUNIOR I should mention. DOCTOR WANAMAKER And we also have your recommendation from Death Valley Children's Hospital. (He goes. he's the head of Atlanta General.) NURSE MAYBE I NEED YOUR REMEDY DOC. speaks to us) That’s gonna come in handy. seriously..) DOCTOR WANAMAKER Harvard University! Very impressive. Beneath a doctor of your qualifications. Doctor Connors. READY DOCTOR'S ORDERS .. I could pick up a few books at the Emory bookstore.

Should we set it or get a surgical consult? FRANK JUNIOR (Caseyesque—showing off for her) Let's not jump to any conclusions. Nurse Strong. uh . (Two interns enter. and pursues her.. FRANK JUNIOR (struggling not to lose it) Yes . pushing a gurney.60 (BRENDA pushes her way through the passel of sexy nurses) BRENDA Doctor Conners! Doctor Conners! (Frank Junior turns and sees her and FRANK JUNIOR And there she was—in the middle of all those glamazons ... We'll run every test we can. I knew. concur! I concur! Just go! Go! BRENDA You heard him! Go! Go! (She ushers them out as Frank Junior recovers. I needed the help. Doctor Conners...) BRENDA Doctor Conners! MVA. lifts sheet) He’s got a bone sticking out of his leg. Brenda lifts the bloody sheet. car versus bike. but— INTERN (interrupting. but the Sexy Nurses return to block his way... she was real.. BRENDA (leading him to water) Okay. And it didn’t hurt that she was the best nurse there. I...) NURSES OOH-OOH-OOH OOH-OOH-OOH AH-AH . I . Doctor . she was the one. The minute I saw her.) FRANK JUNIOR Wait! Nurse! Not you! (He tries to follow.

.. FOR DOCTOR'S ORDERS! WOO! (The doctors and nurses exit.. LET'S ROCK STEADY ALL 'CAUSE I'M READY ..) BRENDA Doctor Conners? Doctor Conners? FRANK JUNIOR (wakes with a start) Oh. Frank Junior grabs some shut-eye on a gurney.. LET'S ROCK STEADY ALL MEN NURSES AND DOCTORS AHH .. I was ... I'VE GOT BLUE CROSS AND I'VE GOT BLUE SHIELD AND I'M READY READY TO TAKE DOCTOR'S ORDERS DOCTOR'S ORDERS NURSE BABY. OOH . TAKE OUT THAT STETHOSCOPE YOU MAY BE MY ONLY HOPE SO I'M READY READY TO TAKE DOCTOR'S ORDERS ALL NURSES TALKING ‘BOUT WHAM-BAM DAMN NURSE OXYGEN PLEASE. OOH .61 NURSE I KNOW WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT AN APPLE A DAY TO BE THE STRONGEST GAL IN TOWN BUT IF AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY I'M GONNA BURN THAT ORCHARD DOWN! NURSE BABY DON'T STOP UNTIL I'M HEALED OOH OOH . I haven’t been getting much sleep at the apartment these days. uh .... ENSEMBLE READY READY COME ON..... Brenda enters. CAN'T CATCH MY BREATH DOCTOR YOU GOT THE KISS OF DEATH NURSES AND I'M READY READY COME ON. .. HOT DAMN NURSES OOH OOH . I'M GONNA BURN THAT ORCHARD DOWN SONG ENDS.

) Doctor? (A nurse strides through. Pretend I’m a pilot. (She moves to go. FRANK JUNIOR Hello. sir. They don't like us to fraternize with the doctors.62 BRENDA Doctor Conners.at the cafeteria. Hello. Doctor Conners. Is it me? BRENDA I’m so sorry. Oh! You mean have a cup of coffee in a social way. Frank Junior takes one look and turns and clutches his stomach.. dark red in translucent plastic. I've tried to start a conversation with you four times a day for eleven days and you’ve barely even said hello.. do you know which patient gets the O-Negative? (She holds up a blood bag. groaning. just some bad tuna.. BRENDA But their coffee’s worse than the tuna..) BRENDA Are you okay? FRANK JUNIOR Sorry . FRANK JUNIOR I guess I do. .) FRANK JUNIOR Nurse Strong! BRENDA I’m sorry.) NURSE O-negative! O-negative! Who’s got the O-negative? (Brenda holds it up and the nurse grabs it. BRENDA (half beat) Goodbye. Or an astronaut. BRENDA Is there anything I can do? FRANK JUNIOR You could have coffee with me. FRANK JUNIOR Pretend I'm not a doctor.

Act like you have confidence. BRENDA Oh. and pretty soon you will. no one ever listens to me..) BRENDA Trauma One. Meat slicer. I mean. tall.63 BRENDA Oh. Go! (The Interns hurry off. we've got a kitchen accident... you just want people to think you are? FRANK JUNIOR Well. FRANK JUNIOR If you want them to listen.. BRENDA I’m just trying to do a good job. BRENDA Thank you. FRANK JUNIOR I’m the youngest doctor here. I mean—wait. . BRENDA Good day. no. And they can't exactly find the hand . They’re all so confident and sure of themselves and . And you’re the best nurse we have. Doctor Conners. yeah. Doctor Conners. FRANK JUNIOR You’re very serious. A playboy maybe. FRANK JUNIOR I’m not really in to all that Riverbend madness. sir. Okay? BRENDA (smiles) Okay. Act like you're not afraid. I'll call surgery. with a gurney. no.) INTERN Doctor Conners. BRENDA So you’re not really a skirt-chasing party animal... (Frank Junior takes one look and starts to lose it. (Two Interns enter at a run. you just have to sound like you know what you're talking about.) FRANK JUNIOR See? Look at you. I’m the youngest nurse here. I don’t think I could see you as a pilot. It’s just . sort of a part I play. and you won't be. FRANK JUNIOR Hey—there's a smile. Brenda steps up.

HANRATTY Sooner or later— FRANK JUNIOR (abruptly turns to us) Meanwhile. Phillip Marlowe.) HANRATTY Sooner or later. FRANK JUNIOR All right. Hanratty turns to us... and Connecticut. type of thing. they always make a mistake. HANRATTY Sort of a . Frank Junior watches her go. MUSIC.) . You were busy with Brenda. New Jersey.. And waits. (Hanratty appears opposite.. (a moment.64 FRANK JUNIOR Call me Frank. Maybe this part is my show. BRENDA Okay. (Frank Junior gestures: Have at it. It's my show. FRANK JUNIOR Sure.) SONG: LIVE IN LIVING COLOR (REPRISE) FRANK JUNIOR LIVE IN LIVING COLOR NOW THE PICTURE SEEMS SO CLEAR SHE'S ALIVE IN LIVING COLOR SO EXCUSE ME WHILE I DISAPPEAR .] HANRATTY (also to us) Actually. then she remembers:) Oh! Surgery! (She hurries off. You weren't there.. Fine. we cracked it pretty quickly— FRANK JUNIOR Mister Hanratty. FRANK JUNIOR Brenda wasn't a mistake. He sings. watching him. it's taking Agent Hanratty a really really long time to visit the house of every single runaway—[in New York. HANRATTY I interviewed your parents. film noir .. Frank.

Too bad she was some poor kid’s mother. Paula enters. She gave new meaning to the words femme fatale. But not as hot as the woman I was about to interview. with three handsome DANCING BOYS.65 HANRATTY It was hot. Hanratty will become the fourth. . even for August. a few years older. Paula Abagnale and the Abagnale Dancers perform "Dancing Around the Subject". (MUSIC.) FRANK JUNIOR Ladies and Gentlemen. So hot my ass was sticking to the seat of my car like a fly on paper and my suit was my own personal sauna.

.) HANRATTY That's him. I'll write you a check— HANRATTY So far it's one-point-four million dollars.66 Scene 3: The Barnes House and A Bar... Tell me how much he owes. If you wanted to raise a crook. (reads from yearbook) Class Treasurer? PAULA Is Frankie in some sort of trouble? HANRATTY Ma'am.. but possible. forging government documents— PAULA Well? So? Half of the kids his age are on dope but instead you chase after Frankie because he made a little mistake? Tant pis. Here . you should be very proud. PAULA Ce n'est pas possible. PAULA I don't have a recent one. Unlikely. since he ran away. She opens the book up. HANRATTY Oh. that's him.. HANRATTY Yes. and Hanratty grabs it. PAULA It sounds like Frankie’s good at this. He has been passing bad checks. it's possible. New Rochelle PAULA I haven’t seen Frankie. (One of the Handsome Dancing Men hands her the yearbook. I ALWAYS KNEW I’D SEE THIS DAY I CAN’T SAY IT’S A SHOCK WHAT’S THAT EXPRESSION? QU’EST-CE QUE C’EST? HE’S “A CHIP OFF THE OLD BLOCK” BUT IF YOU SEE HIM PLEASE PASS ON THIS PLEA DON’T BE A STRANGER TELL HIM THAT FOR ME HANRATTY If I could just look at a photo . Heavens to Betsy. his junior class yearbook . your son's in a great deal of trouble...

Frank Senior on a barstool. C’EST LA VIE DON’T BE A STRANGER TELL HIM THAT FOR ME HANRATTY You haven't heard from him since you left your husband? PAULA I'm to blame. A NEW ROMANCE IS IT A CRIME TO SAY I MADE A CHOICE AND CHOSE WHAT'S BEST FOR ME HANRATTY Where might I locate your son? PAULA Ask his father. Paula continues to dance with the THREE ATTRACTIVE MEN in the background. I'LL JUST BIDE MY TIME PAULA IN LOVE. He says Frankie writes to him. ma'am. HANRATTY And would I find his father? PAULA Check the bars in town. HANRATTY Okay then.67 PAULA MY FRANKIE HAD A CLEVER MIND HE COULD SPEND HOURS ALL ALONE I WOULDN’T HAVE BEEN SURPRISED TO FIND HE CHANGED HIS DIAPER ON HIS OWN COULD I HAVE BEEN THERE MORE? WELL. (Split scene: The Barnes living room splits the stage with a dive bar.) FRANK SENIOR I GUESS TO YOU I SEEM A SCHMUCK WELL. PAULA THOUGH I TRIED. I just catch the bad guys. ALL'S FAIR . I COULDN'T HIDE WHEN LOVE HAD FLOWN AWAY CHILDREN CLOSE THEIR EYES BUT STILL THEY SEE I TOOK A CHANCE. Is that what you're saying? HANRATTY I don't do blame.

Here's the truth. HANRATTY Can I see that letter? . Real guns. Real bullets. FRANK SENIOR Okay. Mister Abagnale. People get shot in my line of work. (looks Hanratty over) You expect a father to give up his son. serving his country. HANRATTY Do you have any idea where your child is? FRANK SENIOR He's always in the air. Mister Abagnale. I expect a father to do that. SONG ENDS.68 FRANK SENIOR 'CAUSE I BELIEVE THAT LADY LUCK CAN STILL TURN ON A DIME PAULA COMME A LA GUERRE FRANK SENIOR AND MAYBE ONE WILL ONCE AGAIN BE THREE PAULA C'EST C'QUE J'AI TOUJOURS DIT FRANK SENIOR DON'T BE A STRANGER TELL THEM THAT FOR ME PAULA DON'T BE A STRANGER TELL HIM THAT FOR ME BOTH (NO) DON'T BE A STRANGER TELL HIM (THEM) THAT FOR ME. (waves an envelope) Got a letter from him just today. I just wanted to see what you knew. FRANK SENIOR I knew that. Your son is a counterfeiter and a con man. He never was. HANRATTY Yes. I’d like to bring him in alive. I do. He's a pilot for Pan Am! What a life! HANRATTY Your son isn’t a pilot with anyone. Now listen to me. He's over in Nam. He signed up.

) FRANK JUNIOR These two need some music. . HANRATTY Frank. I did the best I could. the kid used to see me as Dean Martin. Look out for yourself. and JFK all rolled into one. puts letter away) No return address.) A saloon song for two lonely souls. when the banks and the government and the big boys try to rob you blind. FRANK SENIOR What can I possibly do for him that he can't do better for himself? HANRATTY You can tell him to come in. He's in country. You can tell him to stop.) HANRATTY Mister Abagnale. Don't let the bastards get the best of you. HANRATTY The game? FRANK SENIOR You know. What could they possibly have in common? Oh yeah. Me. I couldn't live up to that. He got out of the game at just the right time. Frank Junior quietly replaced by the regular BARTENDER. Your kid needs you now. You might be the only one who can. (He smiles and exits as Hanratty and Frank Senior turn back downstage. Not a bad way to leave his troubles behind.69 FRANK SENIOR (shakes his head. risking his life for you and me. Carl. HANRATTY Is that what you taught your son? FRANK SENIOR A man should go after what he wants in life. Jesus Christ. FRANK SENIOR Then I think we're all in a lot of trouble. HANRATTY A man should face up to what he's done. FRANK SENIOR Please—Frank. (MUSIC. Hell. I told him I loved him—every day. the game. (The BARTENDER turns to pour for them—and it's Frank Junior. I'd say.

Every single day. we turn around and do the same to our kids. he did not. BE A MAN.. BE A MAN YEAH. BE A MAN FRANK SENIOR LITTLE BOY. Carl. GROW SOME BALLS FRANK SENIOR Oh. SONG: LITTLE BOY. THAT MOTTO RANG THROUGHOUT THE HALLS ON MY TENTH BIRTHDAY HE SHOWED ME A GUN THEN TOOK ME TO THE CORNFIELDS AND SAID "OKAY . right? FRANK SENIOR You got any kids. FRANK SENIOR Way of the world. It's the eternal cycle. I'D HAVE LOVED A HUG BUT HEY. Carl? HANRATTY I do not. Of darkness. FRANK SENIOR Hah! HANRATTY LITTLE MAN." HANRATTY But you want to do your kid better. HANRATTY Until someone breaks it.. YOU'RE NO PETER PAN. HANRATTY Yeah.70 HANRATTY Maybe you should've told him not to commit grand larceny. I CAME OUT JUST FINE AND IF I EVER WOULD CRY HE'D SMACK THE TEAR FROM OUT MY EYE HE TOLD ME "GROW UP. HANRATTY I swear to God. FRANK SENIOR Then what the hell do you know about it? I suppose your father was a prince. THAT WAS POP'S ONLY PLAN HE NEVER KISSED ME OR SANG "BABY MINE" SURE. RUN!" . LITTLE BOY. Our fathers screw us up. KID.

huh Frank? FRANK SENIOR (thickly) Aw. GROW SOME BALLS BOTH BALLGAMES THAT HE MISSED NIGHTS HE CAME HOME PISSED WELL. waves it) A pilot! Serving his country! (slaps the envelope on the bar) He's doin' fine. like son. SO WAS HIS AIM! IF HE HAD SEWN SOME NEEDLEPOINT THAT HUNG ON THE WALLS (IT WOULDA SAID) LITTLE MAN. HANRATTY You're sure about that? FRANK SENIOR Ya gotta let go. the kid's great. LITTLE ME THEY COME WITH NO WARRANTY I TRIED TO FIX IT BUT WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED BOTH IT'S HARD TO SAY BUT FATHER DOESN'T ALWAYS KNOW BEST FRANK SENIOR SO CARL. (he sings) LITTLE MAN. Can't hold on forever.71 HIS SENSE OF HUMOR WAS LAME FRANK SENIOR Like father. HANRATTY LUCKY FOR ME. I DON'T THINK ABOUT THAT ANY LONGER HANRATTY NO ONE IN THE BLEACHERS FRANK SENIOR FISTFIGHTS WITH MY TEACHERS BOTH I'M LIVING PROOF WHAT DOESN'T KILL YA MAKES YA STRONGER! HANRATTY So what do you say we set the kid straight. (pulls the envelope out. WHEN YOU HAVE A KID HANRATTY MY EX SAID HEAVEN FORBID . Carl.

) .72 FRANK SENIOR DO AS I SAY. okay? BARTENDER Buddy. BE A MAN SONG ENDS. (Hanratty watches Frank Senior waver. Music switches to “MAN INSIDE THE CLUES” Hanratty picks up the letter. he is home.. (MUSIC. NOT AS I DID BOTH LIKE DAD AFTER DAD AFTER DAD AFTER DAD SINCE THE WHOLE MESS BEGAN FRANK SENIOR YOU DO THE BEST YOU CAN HANRATTY LITTLE BOY. Hanratty steps outside the bar. and pass out cold. Checks the return address. Slaps it against his hand. sit hard. head on the bar. (pulls out a few bills) Make sure he gets home.) SONG: MAN INSIDE THE CLUES (REPRISE) HANRATTY I’VE LOOKED INTO SO MANY LIVES BUT NEVER GOT THIS CLOSE THE DISTANCE MADE IT EASIER TO SEE I LIKE TO DO THE JOB AT HAND AND THEN IT’S “ADIOS” BUT HERE’S A CASE THAT’S GOT THE BEST OF ME AN ENVELOPE WITH HIS ADDRESS A BRAND NEW SET OF TRACKS LEADING TO A KID WITH NO ROADS LEFT TO CHOOSE THERE’S NO ONE LEFT TO SAVE THE DAY IT’S TIME TO FACE THE FACTS SO I’LL TAKE THAT RIDE TO THE BOY INSIDE THE CLUES (He goes. TRANSITION TO .) BARTENDER Anything else for ya? HANRATTY Payphone? I need to get to Atlanta..

like .) BRENDA I’m sorry. why'd you leave New Orleans? BRENDA (turns away) Oh.. You know girls from everywhere. I love that I can be myself around you. (She groans. (reaches for her) You know I'll never hurt you. and he wasn’t very nice to me. BRENDA But why me. Code Blue! Party in the I. Frank? You could have any nurse here. And I haven’t been back since. BRENDA I didn’t mean to be rude. Well—I sort of ran away.73 Scene 4: Atlanta General Hospital INTERCOM Code Blue.. I love that you’re good at your job and that you work hard. It’s okay.. But we have nothing in common. FRANK JUNIOR You ran away! Wow. Why me? FRANK JUNIOR Because . I mean. FRANK JUNIOR Brenda. (Brenda emerges. I love that I can ask you anything. FRANK JUNIOR No. Frank. . FRANK JUNIOR Brenda. And so I left.C. Home. it’s fine—I love a challenge. and Italy. (Frank Junior emerges from the covers. Why would you do something like that? BRENDA I was engaged. FRANK JUNIOR I think we have more than you know.. it’s okay—I can wait. He was the son of my father’s law partner. BRENDA But you’re the Harvard graduate world traveler and I'm just . I’d wait forever for you. You've been to Paris..U. and think of all the beautiful women there must be in Germany. To be married. ordinary. I just—I’m not ready. No reason.) FRANK JUNIOR Brenda. and on the morning of my wedding day I looked at myself in my dress and I realized I didn’t want to marry him. I want to. it took a month just to get you to talk to me.. I'm sorry.) Brenda come on. BRENDA You say that now.

THE GRAND CANYON? JUST A HOLE.. THEY CAN'T COMPARE TO YOU I'VE BEEN A LOTTA PLACES YES. I'VE TRAVELED NEAR AND FAR BUT NOW I KNOW THAT HOME IS WHERE YOU ARE. (MUSIC. (Frank sings.) SONG: SEVEN WONDERS FRANK JUNIOR I'VE SEEN THE SEVEN WONDERS IF YOU GIVE OR TAKE A FEW BUT ALL THEM SEVEN WONDERS WELL. BRENDA THE AURORA BOREALIS? FRANK JUNIOR JUST A NIGHT LIGHT ON THE FRITZ BRENDA STONEHENGE? FRANK JUNIOR JUST A BUNCH OF ROCKS . I'VE TRAVELED NEAR AND FAR BUT NOW I KNOW THAT HOME IS WHERE YOU ARE NIAGARA FALLS? A LEAKY FAUCET THAT A PLUMBER OUGHTA FIX THE PYRAMIDS? ARE REALLY JUST A DUSTY PILE OF BRICKS. I don't need Paris. THE GRAND CANAL IN VENICE? AN EYE-TALIAN TOILET BOWL.) —just some subtle orchestrations. I don't need a fancy restaurant or a huge orchestra— (He sneaks a look to the bandstand. while I was looking for you.74 FRANK JUNIOR Ordinary is beautiful. And maybe a little mood lighting.. THEY CAN'T COMPARE TO YOU I'VE BEEN A LOTTA PLACES YES. THE TAJ MAHAL? A FIXER-UPPER.) All that other stuff was just what I found along way . I'VE SEEN THE SEVEN WONDERS IF YOU GIVE OR TAKE A FEW BUT ALL THEM SEVEN WONDERS WELL.

I can't—I don't want to be a doctor forever. BRENDA We can't just run away. MY TRAVELIN' DAYS ARE OVER GET THE CHECK. BRENDA My father is very intimidating. You'll change your mind.. FRANK JUNIOR Do you think you could go home again . Frank.75 BRENDA LA BREA'S TAR? FRANK JUNIOR THE PITS. FRANK JUNIOR I won't.. I want to make a home with you. Brenda. You're the overnight ER supervisor. JUST STANDING STILL. NOW I KNOW . I'LL PAY THE BILL 'CAUSE I SEE ALL THE WONDERS IN YOUR EYES. tell them we're in love. if you were engaged? BRENDA Come on. Don't tease me. FRANK JUNIOR The clock's ticking. BRENDA MOUNT RUSHMORE? FRANK JUNIOR SOMEONE CLIMB UP THERE AND TELL THEM BOYS A JOKE! FRANK JUNIOR + BRENDA YES. BRENDA HOW 'BOUT THE LEANING TOWER OF PISA? FRANK JUNIOR LOOKS LIKE SOMETHING UP AND BROKE. We can run away tonight. FRANK JUNIOR We could go to your parents. (sings) I'VE BEEN A LOTTA PLACES BUT I'VE LEARNED NOW NEAR AND FAR THERE'S NO NEED TO ROAM 'CAUSE HOME IS WHERE YOU ARE BRENDA THERE'S NO NEED TO ROAM 'CAUSE HOME IS WHERE YOU ARE FRANK JUNIOR YES.

SONG ENDS." . fast forward a few weeks for a little segment I like to call "Frank's on First. and catch the train to Nawlins.) FRANK JUNIOR While Brenda and I go get dressed.76 FRANK JUNIOR + BRENDA THAT HOME IS WHERE YOU ARE. Frank Junior speaks to us. (As they ride off stage on their respective gurneys.

77 Scene 5: Hospital Corridor. WANAMAKER Wilson Robertson? DOLLAR Robert Wilkinson? HANRATTY Shut up. William Franklin. Branton. Lights on Hanratty. Cod. HANRATTY William Robertson.. and William Franklin Williams. Frank William Abagnale. and Dollar with Doctor Wanamaker.. Frank Williams. Dollar. HANRATTY (to quick head shakes from Wanamaker) What about Robert Franklin? Frank Thompson? Frank Meyers? Meyer Williams? William Robertson? WANAMAKER Robert Wilson? DOLLAR Robert Williamson. Frank Taylor. WANAMAKER That's a lot of names. (Branton pulls out a picture of Frank Junior) BRANTON Have you seen a man who looked like this? WANAMAKER Maybe . WANAMAKER He looks like a pilot. WANAMAKER So is he a doctor? . A Couple Weeks Later (MUSIC. But that man's a pilot.) HANRATTY Doctor. HANRATTY He's not a pilot. HANRATTY He's not a pilot. we're looking for a man who goes by the names of Frank Abagnale.

we did have a Frank Conners. DOLLAR Jeez. Dollar. COD Frank Conners. HANRATTY So who's Frank Collins? WANAMAKER You tell me. Too bad—good doctor. Frank Williams. WANAMAKER You know. Frank Taylor.A.78 HANRATTY Wait—he's a doctor? WANAMAKER Are you asking me or telling me? HANRATTY Did he say he's a doctor? WANAMAKER Son. . I don't know. Looked like this? WANAMAKER Without the uniform. HANRATTY + COD + BRANTON + WANAMAKER Shut up. COD Frank Collins? WANAMAKER Frank Conners. DOLLAR I knew a Frank Collins in high school. HANRATTY Frank Conners. DOLLAR A. Ran off with a nurse. do you have any idea who you're looking for? (Branton pulls out another photo) BRANTON Frank William Abagnale Junior.K. Don't know where. Turned in all his paperwork on time. Brenda something. Dollar. Frank— HANRATTY Shut up.

Lights change. MUSIC: A vaudeville out. in tableau. Brenda Strong. refined. and she runs to the dining room. and stands by the dining room table. Frank Junior continues presenting as each Strong enters in turn. HANRATTY For the love of—Doc. introducing the newest feature on our show.) FRANK JUNIOR Go ahead. on:) . District Attorney. Frank Junior is behind her. you ever go in to take out someone’s appendix and come out with something else? WANAMAKER Once or twice... (He gives her a little nudge. and unique Mrs.. BRENDA And now. witty. as if looking into the camera. and incredibly intimidating future father-in-law. Roger Strong . He just supervised the ER.79 HANRATTY You let this man operate on patients? WANAMAKER Oh. And the cultured.) FRANK JUNIOR (to us) Introducing our newest young star. Why? HANRATTY Let's go. Now. And featuring the lovely. supportively. with some dread. brilliant. . Carol Strong. at home with the Strong family! (turns to Frank Junior) Are you sure you're ready for this? FRANK JUNIOR I was born ready.. Brenda stands nervously in a spot. no. (he crosses to join the Strongs. (Hanratty and men leave.

ah. Right behind the Macy’s. Frank. Where did you learn that. call me Frank. ROGER Well then. but I hope to have lots of kids. bows head. Family is the most important thing. I am a Lutheran. sir. . CAROL Ding ding! Correct answer. ROGER Doctor Conners. Don't lie to me. CAROL Well goddamn and gumbo. sir. CAROL Amen and goddamn that was beautiful. no. BRENDA Mother. ROGER They have a Children's Hospital in Death Valley? FRANK JUNIOR Yes.80 Scene 6: The Strong House. absolutely. FRANK JUNIOR Oh. I'm an only child. he struggled so hard that he eventually churned that cream into butter and walked out. thinks) Two little mice fell into a bucket of cream. sir. I think you landed one this time. First Lutheran Church of Death Valley. Death Valley Children's Hospital. you were in California? FRANK JUNIOR Yes. This one's a hunky hunk of you-betcha. you pious piece of cutie-pie? FRANK JUNIOR The. Much better than that ratty little Delacroix boy.) ROGER And before Atlanta. (folds hands. But now for the make-or-break round. ROGER + BRENDA Amen. would you like to say grace? (off Frank Junior's hesitation:) Unless you're not comfortable. Brenda. Do you come from a large family? FRANK JUNIOR Please. New Orleans (The tableau comes to life as all take their seats for dinner. yes. The first mouse quickly gave up and drowned but the second mouse. Are you a Lutheran? FRANK JUNIOR Why. now. Amen. We pick up the scene in progress.

why not try my hand at pediatrics? BRENDA Well. The dog was dead when I got there. . ? FRANK JUNIOR Berkeley. I’ve been thinking about getting back into law.81 ROGER Frank. ROGER And that dog of his? Tell me Frank.. Frank. to be quite honest. right? I tell ya. FRANK JUNIOR (a look to us: he's surprised himself) Yes I am. Fantastic.. BRENDA Oh.. ROGER Are you a doctor or a lawyer? FRANK JUNIOR Before I went to medical school. aren’t you full of surprises. darlin'. You're always bellyachin' about how hard it is to find assistant prosecutors who aren't bayou inbreds. you got yourself magic on a stick with this one! ROGER Where did you go to law school? Harvard. Was that snake Hollingsworth still teaching there when you went through Berkeley? FRANK JUNIOR Hollingsworth . I practiced law for a year. Yale. meaner than ever. then:) I'm sorry. Columbia . could he Daddy? Could he please? Could he come work with you please? ROGER So. Grumpy old Hollingsworth. CAROL Oh my saints and stars. Frank should work for you. have you decided which hospital you want to work at here in New Orleans? FRANK JUNOR Well. Roger. Brenda. then I decided. I passed the bar in California. CAROL Sakes alive. BRENDA + CAROL Berkeley! BRENDA That's where daddy went! FRANK JUNIOR Oh! Wow. the yummy Yankee is a doctor and a lawyer! Oh. what was the name of his little dog? FRANK JUNIOR (works the problem.. yes.

I’m not a doctor. sir? ROGER The truth. Frank! (Brenda and Frank kiss.) BRENDA Oh. Daddy. I’m just a kid who’s in love with your daughter. What are you doing here? What is a man of your accomplishments doing with Brenda? After all. FRANK JUNIOR Well goddamn and gumbo! (All laugh.82 ROGER How unfortunate. really.. Tell me the truth. Men like us are nothing without the women we love. Frank? 'Cause I think you're about to ask my daughter's hand in marriage. Frank. a Lutheran.. (pause) You’re a romantic. The truth is I’m not a lawyer. y’all! . FRANK JUNIOR Brenda’s the best girl I’ve ever known. and I have a right to know. a lawyer.. ROGER But who are you Frank? If you want my blessing . I’m nothing. sir .. If you want my daughter . I know what you are. A doctor.. FRANK JUNIOR Know what. FRANK JUNIOR I am? ROGER Yes you are. Daddy! But. sir. we’ve been through all this before with her. She’s the real thing.. is . So what are you. Carol jumps up:) CAROL Oh.. I'd like to hear the truth from you now. ROGER No.. look at the time! ROGER Is it seven-thirty already? BRENDA Is it time for Mitch? FRANK JUNIOR Mitch? CAROL Come on. FRANK JUNIOR The truth? The truth.

) MITCH MILLER NBC Presents: Sing Along With Mitch! Starring me.S.V. MITCH MILLER appears. Mitch Miller. Let's begin with all those beautiful mothers! ROGER Take it.P. and the Sing Along Gang! Hey! Don't just sit there. CAROL AND MEN WA-WAH WA-WA-WA-WAH .83 FRANK JUNIOR Who’s Mitch? (They all head for the couch. MUSIC. SONG: (OUR) FAMILY TREE CAROL I FEEL A MIGHTY QUAKE THE SOUTH BEGINS TO SHAKE UNDER OUR FAMILY TREE THE LEAVES BEGIN TO BLOW GONE WITH THE WIND THEY GO ALL THROUGH OUR FAMILY TREE UP TOP MAGNOLIAS BLOOM THEY SPREAD A SWEET PERFUME FOR THIS ANCESTRAL JUBILEE NOW EVERY BOUGH MUST PULL ITS WEIGHT IT’S TIME TO PRUNE AND PROPAGATE WELCOME TO OUR FAMILY TREE MITCH MILLER Let's hear from those fantastic fathers! ROGER I HEAR THE DOGWOOD'S BARK A SEED'S BEGUN TO SPARK INSIDE OUR FAMILY TREE A TWIG BEGINS TO POKE FROM OUT THAT MIGHTY OAK TO JOIN OUR JAMBOREE CAROL Ruff! Tsst! FAMILY TREE CAROL JAMBOREE MEN SAVE SOME OF THAT GUMBO FOR ME ROGER AND LADIES AND LIKE A SLIDE TROMBONE HE GLIDES OUT FULLY GROWN A DIXIELAND R. Mother. Come on and sing! This one's for the whole family.

will you marry me? BRENDA Yes Frank Conners. because they all led me to you. welcome to the Family Tree. I will marry you. ALL WOO!! FRANK JUNIOR I'LL GIVE A REBEL YELL TO EVERY SOUTHERN BELLE UNDER OUR FAMILY TREE I'LL SWING THE SECOND LINE WHEN OUR TWO CLANS COMBINE FOR SOME BIG FRANK JUNIOR + ALL EASY HARMONY FRANK JUNIOR TRUMPETS BEGIN TO SHOUT TO WELCOME YOUR NEW SPROUT YOU'VE CHARMED THIS YANKEE REFUGEE YOU’RE ALL SO LUSH AND OVERGROWN BUT I KNOW I’LL NEVER BE ALONE I'M GLAD TO CLIMB YOUR FAMILY TREE ROGER + CAROL + BRENDA + FRANK JUNIOR YOUR LOVE HAS RAISED THE BAR I'M SWINGIN' ON A STAR DOO WOW! FRANK JUNIOR FOR THAT WHO NEEDS A LAW DEGREE?!? GIRLS THE TREES THAT BEAR THE RIPEST FRUITS STRONG FAMILY SINGERS DOO WOW! . but I wouldn’t change a single one. Brenda Strong. MITCH MILLER Frank.84 ROGER AND NO ONE MINDS AN EXTRA LIMB CAROL ESPECIALLY WHEN IT LOOKS LIKE HIM ROGER + CAROL + LADIES SO WELCOME TO OUR FAMILY TREE MITCH MILLER Ready Frank? FRANK JUNIOR (goes down on one knee) I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life.

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BOYS ARE THE TREES THAT HAVE THE DEEPEST ROOTS ROGER + CAROL + BRENDA SO WELCOME TO OUR FAMILY STRONGS + STRONG FAMILY SINGERS WELCOME TO OUR FAMILY WELCOME TO OUR FAMILY TREE Look out old Frankie is home! SONG ENDS. (After applause: MUSIC. Roger takes Carol and they dance close. Much as Frank Senior and Paula danced at the top of the show. Frank Junior watches Roger and Carol dance. Brenda returns and helps Frank Junior on with a trench coat. He gives her a kiss, and as Roger and Carol dance off we TRANSITION TO:) FRANK JUNIOR I'M WELCOME IN THE FAMILY TREE!

FRANK JUNIOR

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Scene 7: Dive Bar, New Rochelle (Frank Senior, in a postal uniform, at the bar, a crusty old BARTENDER behind it. Frank Junior enters.) FRANK JUNIOR Dad. FRANK SENIOR (turns, doesn't go to him) What are you doing here? FRANK JUNIOR I came to see you. Why are you dressed like that? FRANK SENIOR I took a job. A government job. I'm beating them at their own game. I'm a government employee—you see how beautiful that is? You got a good lawyer? FRANK JUNIOR I sort of am a lawyer now. FRANK SENIOR Look at this letter. The I.R.S. wants more. They ate the cake. Now they want the crumbs. You know what? I'll make them chase me. For the rest of their lives. (looks at Frank Junior) I had an FBI agent come see me. FRANK JUNIOR Mister Hanratty. FRANK SENIOR You got their number, son. The United States government, champ. Running for the hills. FRANK JUNIOR Dad. It's over. I'm gonna stop now. FRANK SENIOR They're never gonna catch you, Frankie. Why would you stop? FRANK JUNIOR I'm settling down. I'm going to raise a family. (reaches into his coat, pulls out an invitation) I came here to give you this. It's an invitation to an engagement party. Daddy, I'm getting married. Can you believe it? I'm getting married. I've got two tickets for you and mom, first-class, for the wedding— FRANK SENIOR Why would you do that? You're on top of the world. FRANK JUNIOR I'm changing my life, Dad. And you won't have to worry about anything anymore. The house, the Cadillac, Everything they took from us. I’m going to get it all back. And Mom’s gonna see— FRANK SENIOR Your mother's remarried. To my friend Jack Barnes. They have a house out on Long Island.

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FRANK JUNIOR Why would she do that? FRANK SENIOR Don't get married, Frankie. FRANK JUNIOR But—why would she do that to us? FRANK SENIOR There's no us anymore. Listen to me. I'm your father. FRANK JUNIOR Then tell me to stop. FRANK SENIOR Why would I tell you to stop? FRANK JUNIOR Because you're my father. FRANK SENIOR You can't stop. You're on a winning streak. You gotta ride it. You gotta ride that, baby. (as Frank Junior begins to back away.) You're an Abagnale! (a cappella, he sings:) THEY KNEW THE KEY TO LIFE (Frank Jr. pushes him away and exits.) Hey, come on and sing it with me, Frankie ... CAUSE WHEN LEMONS CLOG YOUR SINK UP DON’T JUST STAND AROUND AND SCREAM (to the band) Hey, hit it guys ... SPIKE SOME LEMONADE AND DRINK UP AND MAKE BUTTER OUT OF CREAM JUST MAKE BUTTER ... (speaks, almost inaudibly, and almost in darkness:) Frankie. (Suddenly a jangly phone RING pierces the darkness. Frank Junior steps into one spot, Hanratty into another. Both on the phone.) HANRATTY Well, well, Doctor Conners. What do you want? FRANK JUNIOR I want it to be over. I'm getting married, Carl. I'm settling down. I'm going to have a family.

HANRATTY You're scared because you know I'm getting closer. And TRANSITION TO:) . HANRATTY Listen. I met the girl . You're scared. Hanratty hangs up. MUSIC. last two months. he loses the girl.88 HANRATTY You have stolen almost two million dollars. You will go to jail. (Frank Junior hangs up. Carl. HANRATTY He can't. Branton joins Hanratty).. Frank Conners.. FRANK JUNIOR I'm getting married. Look for an engagement notice. the one. and goes. She knows him as Frank Conners. HANRATTY And does she know the truth? About who you are? FRANK JUNIOR Do you? HANRATTY Almost all of it. Hanratty looks at us. And you're tired. but Frank Junior stands stock still in his spot. The hotel in Lake Charles. He loses the name. (Branton snaps his fingers. Frank.) HANRATTY They always make a mistake. You will be caught. Carl. Where did you think this was headed? FRANK JUNIOR Please let me stop. BRANTON He would've changed his name by now. Please. You think we’re just going to call that a wedding present? This is not something that you can run away from. FRANK JUNIOR Goodbye Carl. I know you rented that car in Shreveport. get all the Louisiana papers. Blackout.

) BRENDA Frank. I'm not a doctor. And you're not going to tell anyone. take a taxi cab. right? That's who I am with you. I'm not a lawyer. right—what's a name? My name is Frank Conners..89 Scene 8: Brenda's Bedroom. where'd you get all that money? FRANK JUNIOR A name. give the driver that money and tell him to drive all through the night. a Lutheran. where should I put these? They're checks. New Orleans (Frank Junior madly pulling suitcases from beneath the bed. I never went to medical school.) BRENDA Frank.. Frank. or a Berkeley graduate. engagement gifts from Daddy's friends— (breaks off. BRENDA Frank . What’s going on? FRANK JUNIOR I mean. I ran away from home two years ago when I was sixteen. In two days.. or whether I had a different name? (He opens a suitcase to throw some clothes in. Here’s money. right? BRENDA Of course. Sometimes when I travel. Brenda sweeps in. . Strong House. Here's what we're gonna do. or a Harvard graduate. you love me no matter what? BRENDA Well—of course. Brenda. or a . I’ll be too afraid—I’m no good at lying. BRENDA Frank. you're gonna meet me at Miami International Airport. what are you talking about? Why are you saying all this? FRANK JUNIOR I don't want to lie to you anymore. You're not a Lutheran? FRANK JUNIOR Okay. But we all have secrets. That's my secret. or whether I was sick. I use the name Frank Taylor. BRENDA Frank. FRANK JUNIOR We have to leave. Not even your parents. You’re gonna leave the house after your parents go to sleep. in a party dress.. BRENDA What? FRANK JUNIOR You love me. FRANK JUNIOR Whether I was poor. and it's full of money. I can’t. sees what he's doing:) What're you doing? Everyone's downstairs waiting to meet the groom-to-be.

He pulls away gently. (He kisses her again and slips out the window. No time for goodbyes. We’ve got men after him in every state. sweetheart. this could end very badly. He guides Brenda to it. Please tell me your name. and you will be. Where is he? BRENDA He’s gone. . Brenda. and Hanratty enter.90 FRANK JUNIOR You know you can do this. then. (He grabs the suitcase to go. BRENDA I love you. FRANK JUNIOR I know you can. Frank.) BRENDA Frank! Please. Roger. FRANK JUNIOR My name. Now! BRENDA I can’t. I’m gonna see you real soon. BRENDA Frank— FRANK JUNIOR Shh.) I have to go now. (He turns to go.) The spotlight’s on you now.) BRENDA I don’t think I can do this alone. Carol. Abagnale. FRANK JUNIOR I love you too. William. HANRATTY Where’d he go? (gets no answer. You need to tell me where he’s going. Before you go. (A spotlight appears. Junior. Is Frank.) CAROL (offstage) Brenda! HANRATTY Brenda. Men who shoot to kill. It’s like I told you before—act like you're brave. You have to. gently:) Listen to me. but she pulls him back. (They kiss.

. HE SURE UNLOCKED MY SOUL SO IN RETURN.91 (Cod bursts in. FLY AWAY BRENDA WHEN I WAS A CHILD MY EYES WERE CLEAR. WITH HIS SWEET AND GENTLE TOUCH. INDIAN CHIEF BUT HE WAS JUST A LONELY LITTLE BOY TO ME.. OOH-OOH. FLY .. Three of the guests saw someone leaving out the back. GOODBYE NO NEED TO TELL ME WHY MY BABY MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE YOU'LL FLY BACK HOME TO ME ONE DAY THREE WOMEN OOH-OOH. LAWYER. Carol.) Young lady.) COD Hanratty. and Cod go. NOW I WANNA SEE HIM FLY . I'LL BE YOUR ALIBI MY BABY FLY. if you love him. (Roger shakes his head and exits. you’ll do the right thing.. FLY AWAY . HANRATTY (to Brenda... YEAH. (Hanratty. moving to go) Don’t go anywhere. I DIDN'T GET TO SAY GOODBYE.. I SURELY WANT TO HELP TO SET HIM FREE . MMM-MMM. I SAW THE GOOD SIDE THAT'S THE KIND OF SECOND SIGHT THAT DOESN'T LAST TOO LONG BUT WHEN I WAS LOST I HEARD A VOICE THAT BROUGHT ME HEALING THAT'S THE KIND OF SPECIAL HOPE HE BROUGHT ME WITH HIS SONG PEOPLE ONLY SAW THE DOCTOR. AH-AH BRENDA MEN WHO THEY CALL REAL THREE WOMEN . darling.) SONG: FLY. FLY. (Brenda continues to look at the pool of light..) ROGER Brenda.

. AH-AH. FLY... AAH-AAH. YOU AND I. OOH-OOH.. GOODBYE NO NEED TO TELL ME WHY MY BABY MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE YOU'LL FLY BACK HOME TO ME ONE DAY BABY WHEN YOU'RE IN THE CLOUDS PLEASE KEEP A LOOKOUT MAYBE DARLING FIND A HIDEAWAY FOR YOU AND I YOU AND I NOW I'LL SEE HIM FLY . CRUEL MEN WITH CHRISTIAN NAMES WHO TAUGHT ME MANNERS BUT THIS MAN WITHOUT A NAME TAUGHT ME HOW TO FEEL THEY ONLY SAW THE MAGIC TRICKS THE SMOKE AND MIRRORS OOH-OOH-OOH. WE DIDN'T GET TO SAY GOODBYE...92 WERE REALLY FAKES WHO LEFT ME NOTHING MMM-MMM-MMM BUT THIS MAN THEY CALL A FAKE GAVE ME SOMETHING REAL AH.... FLY. I'VE KNOWN CRUEL. FLY AWAY . MMM-MMM. OOH-OOH OOH-OOH AAH-OOH-OOH. FLY AWAY … GOODBYE BOY. AAH. WE DIDN'T GET TO SAY GOODBYE. AAH-AAH . GOODBYE NO NEED TO TELL ME WHY MY BABY MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE YOU'LL FLY BACK HOME TO ME ONE DAY MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE YOU'LL FLY BACK HOME TO ME ONE DAY FLY FLY AWAY GOODBYE MAYBE IT’S BECAUSE OOH-OOH. OOH … FLY … FLY … FLY. OOH-OOH-OOH WAS I THE ONLY ONE TO EVER SEE THE BOY SO NOW THEY WANNA CLIP HIS PRECIOUS WINGS AND BRING HIM DOWN BUT IN HIS HEART AND SOUL'S THE KIND OF GOOD THEY CAN'T DESTROY (Brenda’s bedroom starts to go away) YEAH. FLY AWAY .. AAH. FLY . I'LL BE YOUR ALIBI MY BABY FLY. FLY . AAH-AAH. BRING HIM DOWN AAH-AAH. OOH-OOHOOH-OOH.. NOW I WANNA SEE HIM FLY . OOH-OOH.. FLY. I'LL BE YOUR ALIBI MY BABY FLY. OOH-OOH-OOH.

) . (Lights to black. OOH-OOH-OOH. OOH. the deafening roar of a jet plane taking off. SONG ENDS.93 AAH-AAH. OOH-OOH-OOH-OOH. FLY AWAY. FLY. MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE YOU'LL FLY BACK HOME TO ME ONE DAY AND I'LL BE WAITING FOR YOU THERE YOU'LL FLY BACK HOME TO ME ONE DAY. In black.

The Agents watch him closely.A. Frank. You're not putting on a show for these people. Just go. I'd rather take you alive than dead. Cod.) I think they should know who I am and what I did and why I did it. FRANK JUNIOR Can I at least make a statement first? HANRATTY At the airport? No. . who close in) You're not going to fool me again. get everyone out of here. Men! (Jerks his head to the Agents.) HANRATTY For the love of — Dollar. FRANK JUNIOR I'm sure these people want to know why you're shooting at me. BRANTON Hanratty don’t let himHANRATTY I got this. (He looks to them. He crosses downstage. Frank.94 Scene 9: Miami International Airport (Lights on the same airport scene we saw at rise: Dollar has just fired his gun. Like you did in that hotel room in L. HANRATTY Come on. Agent Hanratty! COD (squints at ceiling) I think you shot down a plane. what does "hold your fire" mean where you come from? DOLLAR (proud) I fired a warning shot. but this time there's no stinger from the orchestra—only silence. They kind of do.) HANRATTY Branton. HANRATTY This is one of your tricks. (He smiles at us. FRANK JUNIOR That was close! You could hurt someone. lost in thought.

THE GOOD GUY WON NOW . HANRATTY You left Brenda behind. coming downstage to speak to us: our host. HANRATTY This is not something that you can walk away from. SONG: GOODBYE FRANK JUNIOR IT'S MY HAPPY ENDING. FRANK JUNIOR NOW IT'S TIME TO SAY GOODNIGHT— HANRATTY There's nowhere you can run.) FRANK JUNIOR 'CAUSE THE SHOW IS DONE NOW AND IT'S TIME TO LEAVE THE STAGE. YEAH. but it’s time for me to settle down to a quiet family life.) How does it all end. Any minute. (But Frank Junior pays no heed. FRANK JUNIOR TELL THE SPOTLIGHT MAN TURN OFF MY LIGHT. with my beloved Brenda. FRANK JUNIOR WE CAN STOP PRETENDING.95 (The other agents hurry the passengers to the exits. HANRATTY That’s not true. Son. HANRATTY Let’s go.) FRANK JUNIOR It’s sure been an exciting run. FRANK JUNIOR She'll be here. Frank? What happens when it’s all over? FRANK JUNIOR You mean … (MUSIC. (Hanratty murmurs into his walkie-talkie.) When the show’s over? HANRATTY That’s right. You're wanted on every continent.

HANRATTY It’s time to give up. FRANK JUNIOR It’s okay. NOW THE CURTAIN'S DESCENDING AND I HOPE YOU GOT YOUR MONEY'S WORTH .) FRANK JUNIOR Brenda? HANRATTY Brenda was your mistake. We followed her right to you. get her out of here.96 AND THE BAND HAS NO MORE SONGS TO PLAY IT'S A HAPPY ENDING SO I'LL SAY GOODBYE GOODBYE TO ALL THE MAKE BELIEVE GOODBYE THERE'S NO MORE MAGIC UP MY SLEEVE THERE'S NOTHING LEFT TO ACT UP HERE I'LL TAKE MY BOW AND DISAPPEAR NO QUESTIONS LEFT FOR ANSWERING THERE'S ONLY ONE WORD LEFT TO SING GOODBYE (Brenda appears. BRENDA Frank—I love you. Frank. (And they do. HANRATTY All right. I’m sorry. I understand. FRANK JUNIOR IT'S A HAPPY ENDING TO THE GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH.) FRANK JUNIOR (after she's gone) Yeah. I loved you too. BRENDA Frank.) BRENDA Frank! FRANK JUNIOR Brenda! Just in time. I tried. (He starts toward her but stops short when Branton and Dollar appear behind her.

Grand Central Station-he fell down some steps and broke his neck. FRANK JUNIOR No.97 (He turns to exit another way. FRANK JUNIOR You’re lying to me. You don't get to say that. HANRATTY I don't lie. Frank. we’re gonna open up the store— HANRATTY Your dad’s dead. The police report said he had been drinking. FRANK JUNIOR GONNA STOP THE SHOW NOW 'CAUSE I WANNA LEAVE ON TOP SO GET UP AND GO NOW 'CAUSE THERE'S NOTHING LEFT INSIDE MY HEAD EVERYTHING THAT'S LEFT TO SAY'S BEEN SAID BUT GOODBYE GOODBYE TO ALL THE SONG AND DANCE GOODBYE OFFSTAGE I STAND A BETTER CHANCE THE SHOW IS THROUGH. FRANK JUNIOR My dad’s waiting for me up north. THE PART'S BEEN PLAYED NO STANDING IN THE WINGS AFRAID NO VIOLINS OR PHONY TEARS THE WORD THAT'S MUSIC TO MY EARS IS GOODBYE GOODBYE GOODBYE GOODBYE I'M NOT AFRAID OF STOPPING THIS END COULD BE MY START I WANNA LIVE A LIFE AND NOT JUST PLAY A PART I'LL WALK INTO THE SUNSET I'LL SAIL ACROSS THE SEA . but Hanratty is there. We're gonna move back to New Rochelle. Frank. That's not how this ends. too. HANRATTY I’m sorry. I’m sorry to be the one to tell you.) HANRATTY Let’s go.

I just wanted to help him get back on his feet. BUT HERE'S THE LAST GOODBYE GOODBYE GOODBYE GOODBYE! SONG ENDS. Frozen in a spot. I could run. The show’s over. and crosses down to us. FRANK JUNIOR What if I don't know how? HANRATTY You don’t have a choice. Because it won’t bring you dad back. but you won’t. No—he’s not alone. Long after the applause has ended. Hanratty. (Frank Junior is alone on stage. Back to real life. FRANK JUNIOR I could go. Hanratty is part of the scene. right now. HANRATTY Yup.) GOODBYE TO EVERY NIGHT ALONE GOODBYE GOODBYE TO LIVES THAT I DON’T OWN (Frank Junior looks around at the bare stage.98 THE FINAL WORD THE LAST YOU'LL HEAR OF ME OF ME IS GOODBYE (He begins to strip the show away. Time to face up to what you’ve done. FRANK JUNIOR I know. It’s time to stop. FRANK JUNIOR How do you know? HANRATTY Because you’re tired of running. . though everywhere he turns. HANRATTY I know.) FRANK JUNIOR I don’t understand.) FRANK JUNIOR I'M TIRED OF LIVING ON THE STAGE A LIFE THAT'S ONLY ON THE PAGE THE EMPTY LIVES ARE IN THE PAST I'VE TRIED BEFORE. Mister Hanratty. it seems.

FRANK JUNIOR The FBI? Really? You’re gonna lock me up. FRANK JUNIOR At the FBI? HANRATTY We need you’re know how. You’ll get a life. swiftly embraces Hanratty. Merry Christmas. and now with these computers and credit cards coming in. .) SONG: (STUCK TOGETHER) STRANGE BUT TRUE HANRATTY STOP YOUR SOBBIN' KID.99 HANRATTY I know. FRANK JUNIOR Would I get a badge? HANRATTY Even better. FRANK JUNIOR So how do we end this? HANRATTY Your way.. Mister Hanratty. it’s only going to get worse . (Pause. (Frank Jr.) HANRATTY Hey. then let me out and pay me for what you locked me up for? HANRATTY That’s what I said.. You’ll come work for the Bureau. FRANK JUNIOR But why would you want to help me? HANRATTY (Pause. Frank.) Because I'm the only one who can.) FRANK JUNIOR Thanks. WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT I'D SHARE THIS DANCE WITH YOU LOOKS LIKE WE'RE STUCK TOGETHER WHICH IS STRANGE BUT TRUE. BEFORE I SHOOT. son. YOUR NOSE IS RUNNING ON MY ONLY SUIT. Listen. You do your time.) (Cuffs Frank Jr. (MUSIC. We’re years behind in counterfeit and forgery. pay your debt to society and we’ll get you out early. come with me.

YOU MUST ADMIT I GAVE YOU QUITE THE RUN. Let it go. musters a smile) GUESS YOU CAUGHT ME. HANRATTY No! I hate you.) HANRATTY Keep your promise. HANRATTY Frank was sentenced to fifteen years in prison but was released after seven for good behavior. HANRATTY Brenda married a real doctor and lived happily ever after. HANRATTY FRANK. and he even was the godfather to my kids.100 FRANK JUNIOR (wipes his eyes. NOW THE CHASE IS DONE. MISTER TORTOISE—HERE'S YOUR RABBIT STEW. HANRATTY HARD TO BELIEVE IT BUT WE'RE TYING THE KNOT TODAY FRANK JUNIOR THAT'S OKAY. KID WE'LL SEE WHAT GOOD BEHAVIOR CAN DO. I studied. AND AFTER YOU'VE PAID FOR YOUR LIFE OF CRIME WELL. FRANK JUNIOR Agent Hanratty turned out to be as good as his word. THANK YOUR PUBLIC WHILE YOU'RE STILL IN YOUR PRIME. . CHERYL ANN He never paid me back. CAROL Woo! Woo! FRANK JUNIOR I set up my own security company and would pay back every bad check I passed. HANRATTY Not now. How'd you cheat on the bar exam? FRANK JUNIOR I didn't cheat. LOOKS LIKE WE'RE STUCK TOGETHER WHICH IS STRANGE BUT TRUE. FRANK JUNIOR Carl and I became good friends. HANRATTY AND FRANK JUNIOR 'TIL THEN WE'RE STUCK TOGETHER WHICH IS STRANGE BUT TRUE. (Frank Junior turns to us. THEY WON'T BE SEEING YOU FOR QUITE A LONG TIME. Cheryl Ann. HANRATTY TELL MISTER RIPLEY AT "BELIEVE IT OR NOT" HANRATTY + FRANK JUNIOR THE SHOW IS OVER AND HE'S ALL THAT I GOT.

exit though the house. MISTER TWO-ON-THE-AISLE— YOU NEVER CAN PREDICT WHEN FORTUNE MAY SMILE.101 (MUSIC BUILDS as the full company enters. HANRATTY A SIMPLE CASE OF MONKEY SEE. HANRATTY LET'S MAKE SOME BUTTER OUT OF CREAM! (Hanratty and Frank Jr. FRANK JUNIOR + HANRATTY BUT NOW A NEW DUET HAS MADE ITS DEBUT AND NOW WE'RE STUCK TOGETHER COMPANY OH YEAH! BOTH IN AND OUT OF LUCK TOGETHER! COMPANY OH YEAH! BOTH I'M GLAD WE'RE STUCK TOGETHER WHICH IS STRANGE BUT TRUE.) THE END. HANRATTY IN FACT. MONKEY DO. AND TELL J. EDGAR HOOVER. . FRANK JUNIOR YOUR JUNIOR PARTNER CAME THROUGH. "BABY I'VE GONE FISHIN'!" (Frank Jr. YOU'D HAVE SAID "NO WAY!" I ALMOST MAKE IT LOOK LIKE CRIME DOES PAY THERE'S LOTS OF FOLKS THAT I MISS EVERYDAY (He looks around at all the faces from his past—the full company. FRANK JUNIOR I'M GLAD TO BE ON YOUR TEAM. and Hanratty ad lib) FRANK JUNIOR IF YOU HAD READ THIS. MISTER LAWYER. I THINK I'M GONNA BREAK WITH TRADITION.) FRANK JUNIOR + HANRATTY+FULL COMPANY HEY.

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