Dear Dr.

Hartman, I had a lot of trouble doing this descriptive paper, I think it is because I really never tried to write one or got so frustrated and just quiet writing it. The beginning of this assignment I wrote about the writing marathon we did in class. I tried to make adjustments to it but I was overthinking it and having a lot of difficulty writing it. I then went through and tried to group all my ideas with highlighting the ideas different colors to keep it organi ed. I was in my writing group reading the now edited paper that I had done and they really didn!t like it too much. I was sitting there in my seat trying to figure out what I could do to make it better when Tiffany said why don!t you write about leaving for basic" I was thinking why didn!t I think about that before" That is where the new working draft comes in, I went up to the patio on the third floor of Tucker and voice recorded all my ideas I was thinking while listening to my music. This was difficult at first but I went back through and wrote the #eaving for $asic paper. In the process category I gave myself a developing grade because for the first draft that I did I highlighted, underlined and went back through to add ideas also. %or the leaving for basic paper I did I couldn!t add process work because I did not know how to upload a voice recording onto the word document. I could show you the process I went through maybe one day after class" I also wrote some ideas down in my day book from when we did the writing marathon and the sentence on the #eaving for $asic paper I worked on. I was getting so frustrated in this stage because I couldn!t figure out what to write about or even know how to write it. In the rhetorical situation category I feel I should have the grade of developing because in the first draft I wasn!t really clear about anything and I was having trouble keeping the audience interested and not get lost while they read the paper. I didn!t really use the sensory details or described things very well to kind of give them that since if they were there. The leaving for basic paper I think I did a better job at describing and leading them through the senses and detail a whole lot better than the previous one that I did. I tried my best I was just sitting there staring at the paper and seeing what I could do to make it better, or stuff to add&take away. In the critical thinking and writing growth category I gave myself a proficient grade. In the beginning of the working draft I wasn!t really clear on the topic, the paper was all over the place. 'hen I read it to my writing group I decided to redo the whole process start with a clean piece of paper. The leaving for basic in my opinion is a lot better than before. I think I was a lot clearer on some of the details, describing everything and Tiffany said e(aggerate it a lot more so I trying to do that also. )y papers before are boring and dull, when I pick a certain topic I can write, I think I do a better job at writing my opinion types of papers rather than writing descriptive papers. *ven though I was really uncomfortable with this kind of writing I did not let that stop me from trying and making it better and better. In the last category I gave myself a developing grade. 'hen I went back and read the current draft I!m having trouble with knowing when to use +was, and +were,, I have always had trouble with that and I think I just try and get some more practice on use the tenses. I think I repeat some things in the paper also. -t first I thought writing this paper was a pain in the butt, and I thought I wouldn!t get a good enough grade on this. Then I had the idea of writing about leaving for basic. #ike I said before it was very difficult for me to write and I was uncomfortable but that didn!t stop me from developing these papers. It was a learning process for me from writing a crappy paper to a descent written paper. Thanks Dawn .ampbell

'orking Draft / 0ubric for Descriptive 'riting Instructions1 %or this working draft submission, you must turn in the following in one single document1 2. - reflective memo to instructor discussing your thoughts about the working draft being submitted and e(planation of your rubric choices 3details on what to include to be discussed in class4, /. .ompletion of the +'orking Drafts 0ubric, as a self assessment tool to gauge where you are with this piece 3copy and paste in4, 5. -ll process work up until that point 3copy and paste in and&or provide links and&or insert images4, and 6. The most current working draft of the piece.
.riteria 708.*99 -s a working draft, piece shows1 *(emplary 7rocess work is present and provides robust evidence that student has participated: .lear evidence of strong idea development: 0obust evidence of revision 3changes in at least / drafts4 is clearly present 'riter has fulfilled the assignment beyond e(pectations: *(ceptionally clear what topic&subject is being described: *(cellent attention to audience by appealing to senses, using appropriate figurative language, etc. *(ceptional use of tone and voice: 0obust attempts to be appealing and interesting in describing subject&topic: 'riter clearly is taking risks by trying strategies discussed: 0eflective letter is included and clearly addresses these aspects of piece *(ceptional and adept wording and phrasing: #ittle to no issues in readability: 'riter displays clear control over mechanics, grammar, and usage 7roficient 7rocess work is present and evidence of participation is clear: *vidence of idea development is present: *vidence of effective revision is clearly present in at least / drafts Developing 9ome evidence of process work: -ttempts at idea development, but ideas are lacking in some way: #ittle evidence of revision is present 3e(. 8nly 2 draft submitted no daybook or other process work, etc.4 'riter has fulfilled the assignment: 7urpose is hard to decipher or not yet clear: #ittle evidence of attention to audience due to vague description, little to no sensory details or figurative language, etc. 'riter is struggling to use&understand tone and voice, to create interesting writing, and&or to take risks: and&or reflective letter is missing or does not clearly addresses these aspects of piece #acking 7articipation in process work, development of ideas, and&or evidence of revision is incomplete or insufficient

0H*T80I.-# ;<8'#*D=* -s a working draft, piece shows1

'riter has clearly fulfilled the assignment: .lear purpose: =ood attention to audience to audience by appealing to senses, using figurative language, etc. .lear attempts to use tone and voice: .lear attempts to be appealing and interesting in describing subject&topic: 'riter is taking some risks: 0eflective letter is included and sufficiently addresses these aspects of piece =ood wording and phrasing: #ittle to no issues in readability: 'riter displays control over mechanics, grammar, and usage

This aspect of the piece is incomplete& insufficient. 'ork shows little to no evidence of rhetorical knowledge

.0ITI.-# THI<;I<= -<D '0ITI<= =08'TH -s a working draft, piece shows1

'rite made little to no attempts to present critical thinking or writing growth: and&or no reflective letter included

;<8'#*D=* 8% .8<>*<TI8<9 -s a working draft, piece shows1

9ome or repeated issues with awkward or ineffective wording&phrasing: 'riter displays lack of control over mechanics, grammar, and usage, causing issues in readability

=laring issues&errors in grammar, capitali ation, punctuation, spelling, and other conventions: 7iece is difficult to read: #ittle to no attention has been given to conventions of writing

These images are the process work for the beginning paper that I had worked on. As you see the papers are a mess and drawn through and somewhat organized. The very last image is a couple of ideas that I jotted down before I lost my train of thought. The writing groups, I also wrote down some of the things I thought about their writings and what they said about mine that I could do better in the paper and stuff like that.

Working

raft ! "original#

$n this humid %eptember day, I was heading to my class where we were being taught about who we are as a writer. It was about fifteen minutes before class started and my roommate says &let's go too simply to go(. As we were walking it got hotter and hotter, I felt like I was in an oven on high heat. We get to the door and a big swoosh of air comes out of the building. We go inside where the air felt so good on my heated skin we went to go get something cool and refreshing to drink and a little snack to eat. The air was filled with the smell of chicken, pizza and I was hearing a lot of people's conversations. I paid for my drink and snack and had to get a sip of my drink, my throat was so dry and itchy. As I drunk the drink the coolness of it was going down, I felt so much better. We go to our classroom we sat down and there was something missing, we didn't have to warm up our hands or thoughts. )y professor gave us specific instructions to go around the campus and write what we had observed. )y group which was a group of females had a tough time deciding on where to go. )y favorite place that we had went to was the bench outside under a tree that was smaller than the rest. I sat there for five minutes, and began to observe where I was. As I was sitting there I heard the chirping of crickets and a bug buzzing. I felt the wind blowing on my face and arms. This was really rela*ing for a brief moment when I hear this loud obno*ious person. I was sitting a good !++ feet away from this person and she was as loud as a rill %ergeant yelling in your face. I was looking around and observing some of the students and what they wore. %ome wore something comfortable workout clothes and sneakers. In my opinion they were some that was overdressed wearing heals and dresses to class. This didn't make sense to me at all, but this is coming from the girl whose wardrobe consists of jeans, t, shirts and sneakers. As the time began getting shorter and shorter for this assignment to be over I seen this one guy with his pants hanging off his butt. )y began to get frustrated I started to think there is this thing called a belt, you put it through the loops of your pants button the belt and they will not fall off of your butt. The rela*ing time was over I made my way to another bench where my classmate was so we could share our thoughts. They shared some pretty interesting things, I was kind of nervous to read mine because it was all over the place like when you don't clean your room and your stuff is everywhere. I shared my writing and I laughed at some of the things I said. We packed our notebooks and pens up and made our way back to our classroom. We went to our seats and looked on the board and we had an assignment to do by Wednesday. After she got done talking to us we packed up all our stuff got our tag that had our name on it put it on the front table that was looking bear with nothing on it and we left.

Working

raft ! "-evised#

$n this humid %eptember day, I was heading to my class where we were being taught about who we are as a writer. It was about fifteen minutes before class started and my roommate says &let's go too simply to go(. As we were walking it got hotter and hotter, I felt like I was in an oven on high heat. I could also feel the heat coming off the sidewalk. We get to the door and a big swoosh of air comes out of the building. We go inside where the air felt so good on my heated skin we went to go get something cool and refreshing to drink and a little snack to eat. The air was filled with the smell of chicken, pizza and I was hearing a lot of people's conversations. As I drunk the drink the coolness of it was going down, it was a relief on my dry and scratchy throat. We go to our classroom we sat down and there was something missing, we didn't have to warm up our hands or thoughts. )y professor told us to go around the campus and write what we had observed. )y group which was a group of females had a tough time deciding on where to go. )y favorite place that we had went to was the bench outside under a tree that was smaller than the rest. I sat there for five minutes, and began to observe where I was. As I was sitting there, under the shade of the tree that was protecting me from the suns' rays. I heard the chirping of crickets and a bug buzzing. I felt the wind blowing on my face and arms. This was really rela*ing for a brief moment when I hear this loud obno*ious person. I was sitting a good !++ feet away from this person and she was as loud as a rill %ergeant yelling in your face. /rom that single moment I started thinking about basic training and feeling like I was about an inch tall all over again. "0ust a thought# I was looking around and observing some of the students and what they wore. %ome wore something comfortable workout clothes and sneakers. In my opinion they were some that was overdressed wearing heals and dresses to class. This didn't make sense to me at all, but this is coming from the girl whose wardrobe consists of jeans, t, shirts and sneakers. As the time began getting shorter and shorter for this assignment to be over I seen this one guy with his pants hanging off his butt. I began to get frustrated I started to think there is this thing called a belt. you put it through the loops of your pants button the belt and they will not fall off of your butt. The rela*ing time was over I made my way to another bench where my classmate were so we could share our thoughts. They shared some pretty interesting things, I was kind of nervous to read mine because it was all over the place like when you don't clean your room and your stuff is everywhere. The nervous feeling that I had is when you feel

like your stomach is in your chest, and you have no idea how to get rid of it. "0ust another thought# We packed our notebooks and pens up and made our way back to our classroom. We went to our seats and looked on the board and we had an assignment to do by Wednesday.

1eaving for 2asic "original# I was leaving the big city of 3harlotte to a living nightmare called /ort 0ackson. $n the way to this awful place was the longest ride I have ever taken in my life. As I was sitting in the somewhat comfy seats, I just stared out the window while everyone else was dreaming with their eyes closed. )y leg was shaking like I was a little kid who couldn't sit still because they have had too much sugar. All these thoughts started running through my head did I make the right choice4 Am I doing the right thing4 What's going to happen if I don't succeed4 3an I take what is about to happen in the ne*t couple weeks4 Is my family going to miss me4 Will they reply to my letters4 0ust from thinking these things I was making myself more nervous and psyching myself out. When I wasn't thinking of these things my mind went back to a memory that kept playing in my head like a video recorder on rewind. I was climbing into the van then I stopped dead in my tracks, turned around to give my family a final wave and I saw my grandma crying. When I saw that I felt my heart tear up inside, it was like someone put my heart through a shredder and put it on full blast. I just wanted to run up to her hug her really tight and tell her that everything was going to be ok. but I couldn't I could only observe from a distance. As the van was pulling off I looked back and saw them get smaller and smaller as the distance grew bigger and bigger, finally they were out of my sight. 2ack to reality, after the long ride started coming to an end I saw this big sign Welcome to /ort 0ackson, the sign might as well have said welcome to hell. We pull into the main gate my nervousness came back stronger than ever, like when you try to sneeze and it goes away until later. As we slowly creped along the narrow road where all you see are soldiers and rill %ergeants on the left and the right. They are either getting their dress blues, getting shots that they may have missed or they just started reception and getting all their gear and breaking their boots in. After we passed all these people, the driver of the van made a left turn and headed up a small incline and came to a stop. 5e put the van in park and that is where my nervousness got the worst of the whole thing. )y heart felt like it was to the bottom of my toes. we get out of the van and walk

into the building that had army logos and army stuff all over the outer walls. We find these light brown benches that other people was sitting at. these benches were hard and low to the ground and between our feet was our only single bag of luggage we could bring, with our package of paperwork in our lap. Then these men come out and made us throw all the contraband away from anything sweet to a disposable razor. 6ou could imagine all the disappointed looks on everyone's faces especially the females. The looks we was giving them was like someone just took our dogs and just killed it in from of us. Then we went to the different stations to get our gear for the ne*t nine weeks. The ne*t morning was a big morning, we was about to start basic training. All the people including myself had their gear packed and had to bring it downstairs to write what company and what platoon we were going to be in. We are sitting there waiting and then the empty buses pulled up7 We throw our heavy duffle bag on the bag of a truck and pick up our other bag and head to the buses. This man in a %mokey 2ear hat in his dress blues comes over to us, I have to admit he was pretty good looking he tells us to get on the buses. All the people are loaded and we are off to where we will be living for the ne*t nine weeks. We pull up and we see more of these people in the great %mokey 2ear hats. We come to a complete stop and the man in the %mokey bear hat turns around and yells you have 8+ seconds to get off this bus. Then the shark attack begins, we run off the bus with our bags in front of us running. these people like sharks all around us about to make a kill. I am scared out of my mind like I was about to jump off the )t. 9verest without a parachute, I am running to where the thunder dome is place my stuff down at me feet. After the shark attack, everyone is standing there and we here this deep raspy voice come over a little speaker propped up in front of us &Welcome to 5ell for the ne*t nine weeks7

1eaving for 2asic "revised# I was leaving the big city of 3harlotte to a living nightmare called /ort 0ackson. $n the way to this awful place was the longest ride I have ever taken in my life. As I was sitting in the somewhat comfy seats, I just stared out the window while everyone else was dreaming with their eyes closed. )y leg was shaking like I was a little kid who couldn't sit still because they have had too much sugar. All these thoughts started running through my head did I make the right choice4 Am I doing the right thing4 What's going to happen if I don't succeed4 3an I take what is about to happen in the ne*t couple weeks4 Is my family going to miss me4 Will they reply to my letters4 0ust from thinking these things I was making myself more nervous and psyching myself out. When I wasn't thinking of these things my mind went back to a memory that kept playing in my head like a video recorder on rewind. I was climbing into the van then I stopped dead in my tracks, turned around to give my family a final wave and I saw my grandma crying. When I saw that I felt my heart tear up inside, it was like someone put my heart through a shredder and put it on full blast. I just wanted to run up to her hug her really tight and tell her that everything was going to be ok. but I couldn't I could only observe from a distance. As the van was pulling off I looked back and saw them get smaller and smaller as the distance grew bigger and bigger, finally they were out of my sight. 2ack to reality, after the long ride started coming to an end I saw this big sign Welcome to /ort 0ackson, the sign might as well have said welcome to hell. We pull into the main gate my nervousness came back stronger than ever, like when you try to sneeze and it goes away until later. As we slowly creped along the narrow road where all

you see are soldiers and rill %ergeants on the left and the right. They are either getting their dress blues, getting shots that they may have missed or they just started reception and getting all their gear and breaking their boots in. After we passed all these people, the driver of the van made a left turn and headed up a small incline and came to a stop. 5e put the van in park and that is where my nervousness got the worst of the whole thing. )y heart felt like it was to the bottom of my toes. we get out of the van and walk into the building that had army logos and army stuff all over the outer walls. We find these light brown benches that other people was sitting at. these benches were hard and low to the ground and between our feet was our only single bag of luggage we could bring, with our package of paperwork in our lap. Then these men come out and made us throw all the contraband away from anything sweet to a disposable razor. 6ou could imagine all the disappointed looks on everyone's faces especially the females. The looks we were giving them were like someone just took our dogs and just killed it in from of us. Then we went to the different stations to get our gear for the ne*t nine weeks. The ne*t morning was a big morning, we was about to start basic training. All the people including myself had their gear packed and had to bring it downstairs to write what company and what platoon we were going to be in. We are sitting there waiting and then the empty buses pulled up7 We throw our heavy duffle bag on the bag of a truck and pick up our other bag and head to the buses. This man in a %mokey 2ear hat in his dress blues comes over to us, I have to admit he was pretty good looking he tells us to get on the buses. All the people are loaded and we are off to where we will be living for the ne*t nine weeks. We pull up and we see more of these people in the great %mokey 2ear hats. We come to a complete stop and the man in the %mokey bear hat turns around and yells you have 8+ seconds to get off this bus. Then the shark attack begins, we run off the bus with our bags in front of us running. these people like sharks all around us about to make a kill. I am scared out of my mind like I was about to jump off the )t. 9verest without a parachute, I am running to where the thunder dome is place my stuff down at me feet. After the shark attack, everyone is standing there and we here this deep raspy voice come over a little speaker propped up in front of us &Welcome to 5ell for the ne*t nine weeks7