Shoukry 1 Jeanette Shoukry John Kubler English 114A 5 December 2013 Is a Long Lasting Love Possible?

In todays world there are all these notions about relationships, and how each relationship should be. There is no correct way that people in a relationship should act when they are with someone. When someone is in a relationship they tend to hide who they really are because they dont want the person that their with to see the real them. No one wants to be rejected by anyone especially if its someone they could see having a future together with. Everyone wants to be in a relationship but not everyone is able to deal with the problems that may come with being in a relationship. One problem that may occur is if your family doesnt like the person that your with then that may cause problems between the two partners. This happened to one of my family friends that just got married a couple of years ago. His parents, and siblings don't care for his wife for a number of reasons. The fact that they don't get a long has prevented his family from being able to see his kids grow up. Instead they are only able to see their grandchildren once or twice a year. The fact that his wife doesnt get a long with his family has prevented him, and his children from having a relationship with them. There are so many relationships that have failed because they werent honest with each other. Couples need to be able to tell their partner everything no matter what. If you cant be honest for whatever reason then your relationship will have problems. There are so many people who would rather be alone then try to make a relationship work. In order for a relationship to work it takes two people. One person cant be more invested in the relationship then the other.

Shoukry 2 The real question when it comes to relationships is what makes a relationship strong, and long lasting? Is it honesty, trust, love, compassion, or thoughtfulness. Perhaps there is not just one thing that makes a relationship strong, and long lasting. Love is a complicated feeling that is hard to explain. For some it comes instantly yet for others it may take a while. Some are able to say that the first time they saw their boyfriend or girlfriend they knew that they had found the one, and that they were in love. Yet, that doesnt happen to everyone. A long lasting love takes hard work and both people in the relationship have to be invested in their relationship, otherwise it may not last if one person is more invested than the other. The movie Crazy, Stupid, Love shows the different kind of relationships that we have in our world today. One relationship that is shown is the relationship between Cal and Emily. Cal and Emily are a good example of how a marriage can fall a part. Their marriage had difficulties in the beginning of the movie because they didnt communicate with each other, and forgot that they loved each other. As the movie progressed they started to realize that when it comes to love you cant fall into a routine. You have to keep the spark alive between the two of you. In the end, they realized that they truly loved each other, and that they wanted to give it another shot. Another relationship that is shown in this movie is Jacob and Hannahs. Jacob is shown as the playboy at the start of the movie, while Hannah is shown as being in an uptight relationship with her boyfriend at the time. Jacob and Hannah first meet by Jacob trying to pick her up at the bar. She is not instantly taken by his charm, and his moves though. When they finally end up together Jacobs view on relationships changes. He goes from being a playboy to a one girl kind of guy. Jacob had changed his personality and views on relationships once he met

Shoukry 3 Hannah because he could see himself having a future with her and not just a one night stand with her. This doesnt always happen in real life though. For years movies have portrayed the bad boy or even the player changing himself for that one special girl. These story lines have given girls a false hope about guys, and relationships. When any girl watches these types of movies she most likely thinks to herself what cant this happen to me, but she then realizes that what happens in movies doesnt happen in real life. These romantic movies have become fantasies for so many girls. My friends would watch movies like A Walk to Remember, or even John Tucker Must Die and say why cant that happen to me. Each of these three movies portray the guy as a bad boy, and a player. Yet all three of these movies have that shy girl that no one notices. Once the guy meets the shy girl his personality changes because he wants to become the kind of guy that she can be proud of. Most men and women that have watched these movies have said at one point or another that this doesnt happen in real life. Yet every girl secretly hopes that they will meet that one bad boy that will change just to be with her, but life is not like a movie. If everyones lives were a movie than everyone would get a happy ending, and thats just not realistic. These movies shows us that relationships can change over time. No relationship will always be the same with no change. Relationships have a way of helping us to realize things about ourselves. It can be that rude awakening everyone is looking for to help them realize what is wrong with them. Once they realize what they need to change about themselves, they try to do everything possible to change their flaws, yet not everyone is able to change what others dont like about them. Those that are in a relationship are always trying to find new ways to spice up their relationship. They are trying to avoid falling into a routine. Married couples are also trying to

Shoukry 4 find new ways to spice up their relationship because they dont want to be labeled as an old married couple. One way that couples and those that are married try to spice up their relationship is by having a polyamorous relationship. Dr. Joy Davidson has worked with polyamorous clients in clinical setting. Her article Polyamory and therapy defines polyamory, As the practice of having loving, intimate relationships with more than one person at a time, within an ethical, consensual, agreement-based context (1). People that have this kind of relationship dont consider it to be cheating. Though some choose to have a polyamorous relationship, for whatever reason this kind of relationship does have its problems. Deborah Anapol is a clinical psychologist and one of the founders of the polyamory movement. She talks about the cons of a polyamorous relationship in her article The Downside of Polyamory. She states that having a polyamorous relationship comes with various problems Such as social disapproval and discrimination, [that] are artifacts of old structures and institutions that may well diminish in coming years; [others] such as a dearth of positive role models and perhaps even the prevalence of jealously, are also likely to be temporary; [and] the time demands and the emotional complexity of interacting intimately with more people, appear to be inherent to this love style (1). This relationship is judged by others who are set in their ways, can ruin our image of our role models, and requires so much attention from each of the partners that they may not be able to provide. For those that are married with children, and are in this relationship style it can be difficult for the child to understand. They may not be aware of whats going on at the time but as they grow up they will have eventually realized what was going on. The video I Love You And You And You shows how a married couple with children deals with this relationship. The parents each have their own partner, and share the same partner. When the children were asked

Shoukry 5 who are the other women they responded by saying that they are the baby-sitters. This could scar the children for the rest of their lives because once they are older they will have realized what kind of relationship their parent had when they were younger. Relationships in todays world is hard enough with all the stress that comes with our daily lives. When you are in a relationship you need to be able to make time for each other no matter how hard that can be. Each relationship comes with its own obstacles that must be overcome. There is no one way to handle any difficulties that you may face in your relationship. Some think that by avoiding whatever problems they may have in their relationship the problems will disappear, or be solved on their own. Yet this could not be farther from the truth. You need to be able to communicate with each other if your having problems. As I was looking for a couple to observe for my Ethnography, I started to notice how a couple may say one thing, but their body language says another. For instance, I saw one couple that seemed to be having an argument the woman was farther from the guy, and the guy was trying to reach for her hand. If you looked at their faces you would think that they were happy, but when you look at the body language you would start to realize that the woman is mad at the guy. Ive started to notice things like this more, and more when I go out. For a relationship to work you have to respect each other, make compromises, and have morals and virtues. Though for some, this can be hard to do, and stick with. Long lasting loves take hard work, and commitment. A love like this can be hard to come by, but worth waiting for. Not everyone who wants a love like this has been able to find it. Therefore its better to wait for that special someone rather then settle for something less. No one should have to settle for second best, but rather they should hold out for that one person that will make them feel as if they are the most important person in the world.

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Works Citied Anapol, Deborah T. The Downside of Polyamory: Polyamory is Not a Good Choice for Everyone. PsychologyToday.com. Sussex Publishers, LLC., 27 Nov. 2010. Web. 18 October 2013. Shanklin, Matthew. I Love You and You and YouEnd of Monogamy. YouTube.com.

Shoukry 7 3 Jul. 2012. Web. 19 October 2013. Crazy, Stupid, Love. Dir. Glenn Ficarra and John Requa. Perf. Steve Carell, Ryan Gosling, Julianne Moore, and Emma Stone. Warner Brothers, 2011. Film. Davidson, Joy. Working with Polyamorous Clients in the Clinical Setting. EJHS.org. Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality, 5, 16 Apr. 2002. Web. 18 October 2013.