Relationship Issues Int’l

Presents a monthly
programme
tagged

&After
“I DO”
Featuring:
True talks on
Relationship, Marriage,
Parenting, Purpose e.t.c
every
3rd Sunday of the month
@ 2a, Oduduwa street,
off Sobo Arobiodu street,
GRA, Ikeja, Lagos.
Time: 4pm prompt
for enquiries:
0803 725 7479,
0808 390 6405

Host:
Femi & Doyin Fasanya
THE COST OF ‘I DO’
(Many don't check the contract before they go into it.)
When an intending couple stand before the priest and
the contract of marriage is read; the contract often comes
in this pattern, “Will you take … as your lawful wedded
wife/husband to have and to hold from this day forward
for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in health and in
sickness, to love and cherish till death do you part?” The
response that is often heard from the intending couple is
the word “I Do”. Nike Akinremi, in her book the Wedding
day noted that, 'The word “I do” simply means I accept to
take this person and his (her) responsibilities and to
perform my part to see that this person is happy,
peaceful, and well supported without any grumbling,
complain and denial his or her status… We are too much in
haste to wanting to say; “I do” without proper
consideration. Some don't even listen to the detail
before saying it.'
I got the story that I will use for this article from the book
of Ray Mossholder, Marriage plus. The story of the ant
and elephant best describes the poor preparation that
many couples made for the marriage institution they got
into. They were childhood sweetheart. They loved each
other so much that they wanted to spend the rest of their
lives together. (You have heard that love is blind, haven't
you?) On their wedding night they discovered that sex
was incredible. Neither the ant nor the elephant had felt
so good. The next morning the ant woke up and wants to
make love again. But, to its horror, the ant discovered the
elephant dead. Heartbroken the ant looked up to heaven
and moan, “woe is me. Just one night of ecstasy and now I
have to spend the rest of my life digging a grave.”
The question I will like to ask every single that will be
privileged to read this article is, have you taken the time to
check out the contract that you will one day say 'I do' to
before God and man that will bind you to another person
till death do you part? The reality of marriage is like the
story of the ant and the elephant; many singles will not
take the time to study the contract until the d day. Do
look at the contract again; you will discover that there is
no conditional clause attached to it. It didn't say that your
partner must do certain things right to deserve your
attention and love; so saying 'I do', what you are signing is
a contract that is not like any other contract that gives room
because of clauses that must be adhere to. So if you get
married to a partner that is terrible, you are to stay true to your
marital vow to him/her till death do you part.
One of the things that the word 'I do' will cost is the loss of your
independence. When you sign the contract, you have signed
away your freedom to act spontaneously as you have the
privilege as a single. It implies that you must take actions that will
require the approval of your partner; gone will be the days that
you do whatever you want to do; now you will need approval. To
the men, as the head of the home, you can veto decisions even if
your partner don't agree with it; but if you keep doing that be
prepared for a failed marriage.
Another cost of 'I do' is the loss of friends. It's natural as a single
to have more of the opposite sex as friends; we're built like a
magnet, so it's natural to attract friends that are not of your sex.
However, after saying 'I do', it's advisable to let those friends go
by keeping your distance. Marriage has also cost me friends,
once I discover that a friendship will cost me my marriage, I give
that relationship a breathing space. A married man said to me
recently, 'Pastor, all of my friends have almost left me because of
my wife, but I let them go because I will not destroy my marriage
because of them.'
You probably have heard the statement, 'Everyone wants to
go to heaven, but no one wants to die.' Death however, is the
gate way to heaven. If you want to have a successful marriage, it
will cost you dying to self; we are born selfish, self centered, self
willed, egocentric and full of pride. All this nature is destructive.
In marriage, the ego of a man can make him ignore the words of
his wife; some men have come to regret this action. I have come to
realize that the marriage institution is the easiest place to live in
unforgiveness; for women it's easy to live in unforgiveness. You
must deliberately and painfully put self to death for you
marriage to succeed.
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Olufemi Fasanya
08037257479
www.relationship-singles.blogspot.com