Baseline Looking back at my baseline, it was not as horrible as I thought it was going to be, but it definitely had a lot

of room for improvement. Towards the beginning of the session my posture was good and my nonverbal expressed that I was present and listening. I nodded with what my client was saying and I would give verbal indicators like, yeah or I would laugh along with my client. A majority of my questions were close-ended and they had the effect of information gathering as opposed to deepening the process. It was pretty conversational in tone. It was clear that I wasnt quite comfortable with actually counseling and tended to focus on a more surfacelevel conversation. A great example of this was my kind of avoidance of the issue she started with. My client began with telling me that she was feeling anxious. She was stressed out about her busy schedule for the semester and her anxiety with having so many group projects. She then went into some anxiety she was feeling with her family. She talked about how there some issues at home and she was normally the sane person her mother would turn to when dealing with situations, but with her not being there, she wasnt able to be as helpful to her mother. She also knew that she needed to focus on her schoolwork and her job. During this part I did exhibit the reflection of implied meaning skill. For example, CL: I sometimes feel guilty that Im not there to make her life easier, but at the same time it makes me mad because Im like trying to do something good for myself CO: Yeah, and you kind of feel like youre getting dragged back in CL: Yeah, and so its just not fair, really. She went on talking about her anxiety with her family and then I turned the tide of the session with one question: Is there any areas in your life that kind of give you some relief? Not only was this question my attempt to kind of fix the situation by trying to get her to focus on some of

the positive things, but it also ended up changing the entire course of the session. We should have spent a majority of the session talking about her feelings of anxiety and frustration with the semester and her dealings with her family, but, instead, the rest of the session was spent talking about her boyfriend and some of the good things in her life. About halfway through the session, my body posture changes to me leaning back in my chair as opposed to forward as I had been. This I think gave the impression of me being a little more distant, and not so much disinterested but more relaxed like we are just two friends having a conversation. In the second half of the session while talking about her boyfriend and his kids, I asked a lot of closed and sometimes irrelevant questions. One example was when I asked: How old are these kids? This wasnt necessary to the conversation and if she wanted to tell me, she would have. As mentioned earlier, I was trying to gather information and not really counsel my client. Finally, the end of the session was abrupt and impersonal. I ended it by saying: I think it has probably been eight minutes. Final Session In my final session, I noticed a vast improvement over my baseline. First it didnt feel like an interview or a conversation with friend. For one, most of my responses were reflections. I didnt really ask any questions. My body language, facial expressions, and tone were consistently good throughout. My body showed that I was present and really listening to her. At the beginning of the session I mostly listened. This has been a pattern I have kind of notice about myself lately. I kind of have this new strategy of listening for a while, letting the client get some things off their chest. Sometimes they want to vent for a little while. While I am listening I am waiting for something to rise up out of what they are saying, a direction to go with the session.

My client discussed her recent engagement and a bit about her wedding plans and then started talking about a recent incident with her future mother-in-law. She explained that her fiance and she were of different faiths and so they had decided to have a non-denominational wedding ceremony. They were also having it in a venue other than a church. Her fiance and her had been discussing a lot of the plans for the wedding and when his mother would call she would tell him to tell his mother about some of the things they had decided on, as she said, trying to be a good daughter-in-law. Then one day his mother wrote a letter to him and emailed to both of them, in which she went on a tirade about how she couldnt believe they werent getting married in a church and about how all of the ideas that she had for the wedding were terrible and she should be doing it this way. At this point, I made a reflection that about her feeling that this was unfair. She didnt respond and her face indicated that she was confused by my reflection. I then explained what I meant about her future mother-in-law not knowing about the discussions she had been having with her fiance and she felt like it was unfair for his mother to blame her when everything had been a joint decision. To this she responded, Yeah! Thats right on! This showed that while my reflection was good, it was a little too much on the leading edge, and I had to explain what I meant. It did deepen the discussion a bit. She then explained that her fiances mother did apologize when she saw her on her (my clients) birthday. Although, she apologized my client still felt hurt by the encounter and was afraid that something similar could happen again. This worry was being compounded by the fact that her fiances mother was going to be visiting the following weekend. I made some good reflections in this session, I think. She mentioned that she always talks with her own family about her plans and she doesnt feel the same way about her fiances mother.

CL: When she comes down, I bet we wont even talk about it CO: Its like the polar opposite CL: Yeah! Im just really nervous, because Im scared of what is going to happen if it gets brought up. This was reflection of content that caused her to go a little deeper and talk about some of the feelings she is having about the upcoming weekend. I did ask one question and it was my inner student affairs professional wanting to kind of fix things so it was definitely a misguided question. I asked, Do you have any plans for trying to make things better? Even though the question was misguided it still deepened the process a bit, because it got her talking about how even though her future mother-in-law seems to think everything is fine and better, that she doesnt think it is, because she is still hurt. This led to my following reflection, and the subsequent exchange: CO: She in a way was kind of accusing you of corrupting her son CL: Yeah! Yeah and like exerting my force over him or something. CO: Thats a big accusation CL: Yeah! It is a big accusation to make a week after people have gotten engaged Later we had another exchange where I made a reflection that was a bit too far in front of my client, but this time we came into agreement through her talking it out. CL: Theres still that like I know the things that she thinks about me and, like, that she said about me at one point even if she didnt mean it or whatever like it was still said and was still really hurtful.

CO: I kind of get that you really almost feel helpless about the situation because you dont want to say things to make it worse, but you want to make it better and you dont feel like you can CL: Yeah, I think that - I dont know - like I feel like Ive done what I can to make it better but that hurt is still there and I cant just make it go away.Yeah I do feel a little bit helpless just because Im not really sure where to go from here. The pauses at the beginning indicated that my reflection was somewhat off-base, but as she continued, she eventually decided that was what she was feeling. Towards the end of the session it seemed a bit that she had said most of what she wanted to say about this subject, because she kept pausing like she was searching for more to say. Eventually, we came to a point where she wasnt saying anything, and I let the silence stay for a bit which led her to bring up a different topic that was on her mind. She then wanted to discuss for a bit an issue she had been dealing with at work. I think I demonstrated a big improvement in my close over my baseline. Instead of the abrupt Times up, I said, Well it sounds like youve definitely got a lot on your plate right now. Weve talked about your future mother-inlaw and your job. Is there anything else you want to talk about while we have just a few minutes left? I think this did a decent job of summarizing the session a bit and wrapping it up before the end. It also gave her the opportunity to talk about more with an awareness of how much time was left. Growth and Skill Assessment In watching my tapes from beginning to end, I noticed some trends in my habits and skills. First, I noticed an increase in my visible comfort level with the sessions. Early on, my body language seemed fidgety and uncomfortable, sometimes even distant. As the semester

went on, my body language improved; I was visibly comfortable and engaged in my sessions. I did notice a decrease in the frequency and length of my responses. I felt more comfortable letting my client talk and letting some moments of silence stew in the room. I saw a big decrease in my number of close-ended questions. My early sessions seemed more like interviews or conversations between friends. There were a lot of questions from me trying to get details about the situation instead of deepening the process. Actually, my question-asking in general decreased a lot throughout the semester. I used more reflective responses in place of questions. Later on, when I did ask questions they were more open-ended questions. I got better at going deeper with my client as opposed to surface-level subjects. I also saw an increase in my ability to pick-up on areas to delve into, although that still needs some work. I saw a slight decrease in my attempts to fix. I saw a slow improvement in my ability to end a session. In the beginning, my ends were almost abrupt and tended to be impersonal. Slowly as the semester progressed I began to make the endings better and then later started using summaries to wrap up the sessions at the end. Towards the end of the semester I developed sort of pattern of just listening for the five or so minutes of the session to get a feel of where the client wanted to go and to let them just get some initial thoughts out. In a sense, I let them vent for a while before we dive in. I notice that, in general, my observations/responses tend to stay relevant and client-centered. It is clear that I am interested and invested in what my client is saying through not only the types of questions that I ask, but the reflections that I make. I still have a problem with trying to fix to a certain degree. In early sessions, it is more obvious, but I can see it all the way through. I sometimes try to fix, indirectly by asking a question that I hope can fix the problem when they answer it. As mentioned when discussing my

final, I sometimes make reflections that are a bit too far ahead of my client. I used keyword encouragers a few times, but not with consistency. I never used metaphors in my sessions. This was something I found interesting, because I am actually very good at coming up with metaphors or analogies. I guess I just never felt I was in a situation to make a metaphorical observation. I didnt incorporate many check-out statements in my sessions. I would tend to make reflections with a little rise at the end in a way of checking if it was right, but I never verbally checked if I was on the right track. I believe that I have mastered Reflection of Content, Reflection of Feeling, Non-Verbal Skills, a control of Close-Ended Questions, and Open-Ended Questions. I have intermediate mastery of Keyword Encouragers, Reflection of Implied Feeling/Meaning, Mistake Recovery, Summarizing, and Paraphrasing/Rephrasing. I have only a little mastery of Challenging, Immediacy, and Transitions. I feel I have no mastery of Check-Out, and Metaphor. Feedback from Others One thing that was fairly consistent in my feedback was that my observers noted that I was attentive and appeared to be engaged with my client. An observation that I got a lot in the beginning that finally began to change my style was to ask fewer questions and give more reflections. This was something that I struggled with a lot in the beginning and it showed in my observation forms. I found this was related to comments about me needing to allow more time between my clients comments and my question or observation. Once I was able to get a little more relaxed and embrace some silence, my close-ended and irrelevant questions lessened, and I started to give more reflections. Another observation I got a lot in the beginning that I really struggled with resolving was missing on opportunities to dig deeper. When my clients would start off with surface statements

on a variety of topics, I had trouble judging where to go. One of the best pieces of advice I got all semester I think was on how to address this problem. I got this advice in my midterm evaluation. I asked how to figure out which subject to delve into, and the response I got was to summarize what they had said so far and ask which seemed more important to talk about. It was so simple. Ask the client. I had thought that I had to figure out where the client wanted to go, and I had never thought to ask my client when I got stuck. By far the best advice I got all semester was in the growing edge recommendations on my midterm evaluation form. It said, allow the process to unfold, dont fill the silence so quickly. Breathe! This didnt quite strike me right away and my next couple sessions show that, but when I really began to think about that and integrate it, my sessions got so much easier. I noticed a dramatic improvement. It is easier to see where the session needs to go if I am not trying to fill the silence. It is easier to formulate good reflections and ask fewer questions, if I just breathe and let the process unfold. The first time an observer noted that I was okay with silence, they also noted that I made good reflections and asked open-ended questions. The advice was transformative. There was one instance toward the end of the semester where my observer noted that I asked an irrelevant question that kind of derailed the session. This hurt. I felt like I was better than that by then. I felt like I shouldnt be making such a blatant mistake at this point in the game. It stuck with me for a few weeks and it helped me realize that there is always room for growth and that no matter how good you think you are, you can still make mistakes. I think that is an important lesson for me as I go forward. Sample Response Skill Triplets Reflection of Content: Counselor Maintaining with Client Maintaining

CL: I guess I never thought about Recreation as a profession, but having the new facility, its kind of opened my eyes to different viewpoints, because I have no idea what I want to do still, job-wise, because I always get interested in a lot of things. CO: It sounds like that Rec[reation] is something that your definitely considering. CL: (nods) Mhm. Its definitely a forerunner, I guess youd say. (Session 03/07/13, 8:13 to 8:40) Reflection of Content and Feeling: Counselor Deepening with Client Deepening CL: At first, because its just a different change of things, it was hard (to change her schedule), like I still wanna work out but I just had to realize this isnt a forever lifestyle, this is just a temporary how were living. Once I reassured myself of that, then it was okay, but its been pretty good after I just take one day at a time, one week at a time, its been alright that way. CO: It kind of sounds like fitness is really important to you. CL: Yeah! I always like adventure and I like keeping an active lifestyle. I always played soccer from kindergarten through high school (Session 03/07/13, 6:46 to 7:32) Keyword Encourager- Counselor Deepening with Client Deepening CL: How could I be so wrong about a person to think that it wasnt going to end, and now it did? CO: Its frustrating to have what you thought was going on to be just totally wrongCL: Completely different! CO: -There is cognitive dissonance going on right now thats just eating you up. CL: Yeah, it is. Thats exactly why I cant think or sleep or eat or I cant do- I cant do anything, because there is such a disconnect between what I thought was going to happen and what actually happened. Not that I was in denial about it, but that it just changed from what it was to what it is (snaps) so quicklyThats exactly why Im mad! (points) Cognitive dissonance Bull (pause) Crap! (Session 04/04/13, 12:30 to 14:20)

Summarization: Counselor Maintaining with Client Maintaining CO: Weve talked about a lot today. Weve talked about the great summer you have coming up and just getting all the balls that are in the air and putting them where they are supposed to go. CL: Yeah. Yeah. Feels good. CO: Any last thought that you have? CL: I dont think so, I feel good, thank you. (Session 04/25/13, 19:50 to 20:10) Reflection of Implied Feeling: Counselor Deepening with Client Deepening CL: By next week, he will have already turned 13, so Im sure I will have grown a wart or something. You know, completely become repulsive, just because it will be official: 13 years ago, I will have already given birth. Im actually scared of it, but I just have high hopes, and Ive been praying about it a lot. CO: Sometimes I get this feeling that its not just the fear of dealing with a son whos 13, but its also just kind of thinking about how old you are. CL: (nods) Yeah. Its a new station in life. My husband keeps saying to me In just a few years, hell be out of the house and itll be just me and you. I say, thats right, but on the inside Im like auggh! On the one hand, sure, thatll be fun, but on the other hand its like wow you know, its not that long and hes going to be out of the house and were going to be empty nesters. (Session 03/21/13, 16:25 to 17:35) Paraphrasing: Counselor Maintaining with Client Deepening CL: Parts of it were good, but parts of it I fought against on purpose, just because I was so displeased listen to me I sound like Judge Judy over how my parents did They were good parents. They meant well. I just dont want to be anything that theyum CO: You want to be something different.

CL: I do. I do. I want to be more sophisticated than what my parents have become. (Session 03/21/13, 8:55 to 9:24) Immediacy: Counselor Deepening with Client Maintaining CL: Itll be exciting. Its going to be like establishing ourselves, even though its like Im establishing myself in a job or in a home we own, its still going to be like us kind of figuring it out and it should be a fun summer. His work is going really well, so that is good. At first, he was in a new job at the beginning of the academic year, so weve be going through a lot of changes, and its great to look back and see that he didnt deploy like we thought he would, he got this job, and he gets to move home and he gets to work from home and how lucky are we? We get to spend this time in Missouri with our families. Its going to be nice establishing ourselves. CO: I can really feel the excitement that you have. Youre smiling from ear to ear the whole time. [Revise to add: What is this excitement mean for you? How is it shaping your outlook?] CL: Yeah! Yeah. It is. Like I said, as long as I stay on top of school (Session 04/25/13, 10:28 to 11:34) Close-Ended Question: Counselor Flattening with Client Maintaining CL: I dont want to be that person, even though I really dont think its my fault. CO: Do you have any plans for trying to make things better? CL: Well thats the weird part, is that I feel like she thinks everything is fine, and back to normal. (Session 04/18/12, 8:37 to 8:57) Counselor Corrective Response (2/28) CL: It makes me feel selfish, because Im like Crap, now Im making this about me and how I cant do this stuff for you, instead of just being glad that I can do what I can and that youre making the best of it with having guys over

CO: And you kind of feel like maybe even though hes saying its fine, its fine that maybe, because of how important birthdays are to him, that maybe its not as fine as hes letting on CL: No, I really dont, because he is just so [verbal shift to slightly quieter and almost sad] understanding and supportive about me going back to school that I know that he just appreciates what I have done CO: Maybe you wish he didnt have to be so understanding and supportive CL: Well yeah! [Visibly and vocally perks up mood] I mean, I wish I could just be there and throw him a party or something. Hes really social and likes that kind of thing. (Session 02/28/13, 10:40 to 11:31) Future Development I need to work more on addressing the mood in the room. I can get at the heart of what my client is talking about, but I have trouble with immediacy and transition responses. I tend to just let the emotional change take its course and focus my comments on the message and the feelings they had or have about the situation. I dont pay enough attention to what is physically evident with their reactions in the present. I need an opportunity to work on correcting my misses. My corrections sometimes come across as a defense of my original thought, or just a slight adjustment of my statement that was mistaken. I need to acknowledge to my client that I made a mistake and apologize before finding a reflection that is correct. I need to eliminate my tendency to try to fix the situation. I know that as a student affairs professional, my students will be sometimes coming to me so that I can fix the situation, but I need to wait. Instead of working it into the conversation, I need to listen to them and really hear them. They dont need me to fix the problem in front of them. I can do that without them in the room. I need to be present with them and listen to their experience and attune to their feelings.

I need to have more conversations with people who are religious. I realized in watching my sessions that a couple of my clients referred to their relationship with their religion. In one particular situation, this would have been beneficial to talk about in order to delve into my clients feelings about the situation. However, I was hesitant to do this, because I am not religious. I decided that I was an atheist just a couple years ago, so talking about the importance of someones religion is uncomfortable for me. I need to have more conversations with people of religion so that I can talk to people about their beliefs without arousing my own animosity towards it. Student Affairs Integration The study of helping relationships has first of all shown me that the people who influenced me to go in to the student affairs field had a grasp of helping relationships. Even in my GA position, my supervisor, who doesnt have a student affairs or counseling background, exhibits the skills of evocative empathy and presence among many others. This class helped me in my student affairs role because I was able to observe it in a work setting through my supervisor. It has also given me skills, like mindfulness, that I have been able to use to keep my life grounded while facing a multitude of assignments, tasks, and responsibilities. In my future work in student affairs, I plan to work with underrepresented students and the skills I learned in this class will be essential to building meaningful relationships with them in order to ensure their learning and development.