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Women aren't as easily aroused as us, but there are (fun) ways to get the ball rolling. By Dr. Victoria Zdrok, Women's Sexuality Correspondent

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One of the most frequent complaints men have about their partners is that they wish their women would initiate sex more often, or at least that they would be more responsive to their sexual overtures. The reason for this common discrepancy is that male sexual desire is more robust and spontaneous, while female sexual desire is more variable and responsive to the environment. When it comes to sex, men are mostly genitally focused, whereas for women, sex is a full mind and body experience. In the words of Jerry Seinfeld: "The basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen, and women are like fire. To men, sex is an emergency, and no matter what [they're] doing [they] can be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are like fire. They're very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur." My professor Dr. Sandra Leiblum, one of the most prominent sex therapists, once said that "for women to want sex it has to be sex worth having." Therefore, to sexually motivate your girl, you have to work on making sex exciting for her so that she considers it a priority. Here are 10 ways to maker her hornier.

Page 2: Try Mild Bondage And/Or Discipline

For some women, the thought of giving up responsibility for their sexual satisfaction is a powerful turn-on. Prepare her by telling her what you will do to her tonight (you can leave her a note or a voice message or send her an e-mail). Demand that she prepare for it by wearing your favorite "slave" outfit and making herself beautiful. When the time comes, order her to get down on her knees and submit to her "master." Tie her gently with a soft bondage item, which can also be used to lightly tease her nipples. You can then proceed to tease her with a feather or a tickler, or give her a light spanking with your hand. Sex toys can also be used here. Remember: The object of the dominant/submissive game is not humiliation or pain; it is to bring her to climax, and possibly more than once.

Page 3: Try Role Playing

Pretend you are a Penthouse photographer and invite her to pose for you, or a pizza delivery guy who has a secret crush on her, or a policemen arresting her as she is about to get out of her car. This is another variant of exploring her fantasies (and yours). One great way to indulge in what is likely a mutual fantasy is to ask her to play a stripper or a call girl with you as her patron. If she enjoys performing for you, you can even make your own adult video and replay it together in the future. You would be surprised at how many women fantasize about being in such erotic roles -- only social strictures prevent them from admitting it. In our society, which silently endorses and promotes the Madonna/whore dichotomy, giving her permission to act out her "whorish" fantasies or ordering her to "be bad" might just bring out that slut that you have been yearning to have in your bedroom.

Page 4: Encourage Her Sexual Mindfulness

Many women do not get aroused because their mind drifts off instead of focusing on the eroticism of the moment. To direct her thoughts away from that shopping list and to keep her "mindful," bring her in front of the mirror and tell her to watch what you are going to do to her. Verbally describing each act of foreplay before you do it is also a way of keeping her mind on the heat of the moment. Start by kissing her neck and shoulders as you rub your hands on her clothed body. Then, slowly remove her panties but leave the rest of her clothes on. Lift her blouse or dress and gently touch her nipples as you rub

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her bottom. Sit her on a chair in front of the mirror and order her to touch her vulva. You can even ask her to rub some genital warming oil like Zestra on her vaginal lips while you watch. Direct her hands as you ask her to perform a self-arousal. Or get her to describe her sensations with each move you make. Soon, she will be begging you to make love to her.

Page 5: Explore Her Fantasies

Ask her to tell you her fantasies or to email them to you. Encourage her to describe them in detail. The intimacy that such a confession produces will be sexually arousing for her. But be prepared for the unexpected. If she discloses that the thought of being with another woman (or Brad Pitt) turns her on, don't get flustered or insecure. Instead, exploit it to your advantage. While you are kissing and caressing her, spin a storyline that matches her fantasy. Whisper it in her ear and let her chime in with her own details -- that you can use to direct your lips and hands. If her mind equates your touch with her deepest fantasies, she will start getting wet at your first caress.

Page 6: Consume Erotica Together

Many women prefer aural to visual erotica. Try reading a sexy short story together. Pick one where the "action" suits your desires, too, and read it to her. When it comes to visual erotica, many women prefer materials that have a plot, and that emphasize passion and connection between the protagonists. That means leaving your favorite anal orgy DVD for your private autoerotic sessions. Instead, watch a hot R-rated film, such as 9 1/2 Weeks, or purchase an X-rated video with a storyline by Candida Royalle.

Page 7: Use Verbal Reinforcement

In our society, which idolizes perpetual youth and often sets unrealistic beauty standards, many women feel insecure about their looks and self-conscious about their naked bodies. When a woman feels insecure, she is unlikely to be in the mood for sex. To increase her sexual responsiveness, tell her between kisses and as you touch her body that you find her beautiful and sexy, that she turns you on, and that you want to enjoy every part of her body before making love to her. Pay her some specific compliments -- tell her you love her warm smile, her soft skin or the shape, size and feel of her breasts. And don't wait for sexual moments to trot out such verbal reinforcements.

Page 8: Be A Great Kisser

To be an expert kisser, start gently and work up to more passion in gradual stages. Begin by barely brushing your lips against hers, and then touch her lips with the tip of your tongue. Relax and open your lips as you deepen the kiss, but avoid drooling, slobbering or heavy vacuum sucking. If you are worried about bad breath, be sure to brush your tongue as well as your teeth, especially if you have been drinking coffee or smoking. If you can't brush, chew on a lemon peel or a mint, or pop a self-dissolving oral care strip into your mouth before beginning. You can also apply lip balm with menthol or mint and gently rub your lips against your partner's to share the tingle. Try keeping eye contact by not closing your eyes while you kiss. For many women, this deepens the connection and supercharges their sex drive.

Page 9: Be More Sensual In Your Caresses

A majority of women prefer soft, tender touches and strokes all over their body until they get fully aroused. Sex therapists call this type of touch "non-demand touch" or "pleasure-focused outercourse." Don't just grab her breasts or butt; instead, let your hands slowly reach those goals with long, gentle caresses. When she is fully aroused and dripping with desire, she may love the rougher play, but reserve that Neanderthal brute in you for the actual intercourse.

Page 10: Prolong The Foreplay

The old cliche is true: Women love foreplay. Foreplay does not mean immediately grabbing her clitoris. Real foreplay means starting out as far from her genitals as possible -- holding her face, stroking her hair, kissing her temples, gazing into her eyes, or rubbing her neck and shoulders. Learn some massage techniques and gently try a few on her head, neck and shoulders. Work your way southward very slowly. Try using just the very light touch of your fingertips called pattes d'araignee (the English translation "spider legs" somehow conjures up the wrong image).

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Page 11: Improve The Ambience

We sometimes have difficulty tuning out loud noises like your barking dog or blaring TV lights, or ignoring the noxious smells of rotten food emanating from your messy kitchen. Yes, that means turning off the television, dimming the lights, feeding your dog, turning up your thermostat, taking out the trash and changing the dirty sheets. (If the thought of having to do all this depresses your sex drive, hire a maid service.)

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