Im going ahead with the production, Eric said on the phone. What production?

I knew already, but it was important to keep up appearances, or so my psychiatrist said. Munchhausen, etterpress and !tationary" #he Musical. #his$$$this William$$$$this is how I will get my %ob back. Im going to make &uttmunch seem like a god. 'h, yes, the old chestnut. I watched the hairs on the back o( my hand writhe into black tendrils, (lagellating the narcotic (umes as they wa(ted into the downdra(t o( the (an. #he dread that Eric would ask me to collaborate was palpable. #he idea had de)eloped o)er some months, when Eric and I worked in neighboring cubicles in the dreary M ! accounting o((ice. *mid the endless tedium, we would o(ten %oke about o((ice politics, the stupidity o( our co$workers, and occasionally such mundane tangents as anarchism and black magic. *t some point, in this cauldron o( misanthropy, one o( us suggested, sardonically, that we should make a musical to enshrine the small glories o( working in the specialty goods arm o( Munchhausen +onsolidated ,aper +o. It will be %ust like our li)es, e-cept with slightly less singing and dancing, I .uipped. I can see it" anthropomorphic )egetables doing the (o-trot in the ca(eteria, Eric said. We laughed, and the M ! musical became a running %oke between us, re(erenced conspiratorially in the hall by the water cooler. E)entually it spread and brie(ly became an o((ice sensation, with dregs (rom as (ar o(( as the public relations o((ice stopping us to ask how the script was coming along. I would %oke that we were in talks with some high pro(ile &roadway directors, and that the production would be more elaborate and costly than #urn 'ut the /ark, but ine)itably it was all (orgotten, e-cept by Eric and mysel(, and we returned to the weird nonpersons at the end o( the room. E)en long a(ter the humor had died and the concept had played out, Eric and I would drop re(erences at little things" #hats going in the musical. 0ust imagine this on stage1 E)entually the main o((ice disco)ered the lasci)ious secret behind my compulsi)e hand washing and I was (orced to resign under a dark cloud o( rumor and suspicion. Eric and I stayed in touch, e)en a(ter I mo)ed to 2lorida to pursue my opium addiction while taking a new career in tra((icking +ubans to Me-ico. Eric stayed with the company, e)en recei)ing a much deser)ed promotion now that he was (ree o( my distractions. In the absence o( my negati)ity, he e)en seemed to grow (ond o( his position, en%oying the %ob security, the lack o( responsibility that comes with utter unimportance. !o, when he was (ired, it was only natural that Eric would resort to chaos magic and harebrained schemes in the hopes o( returning to work. I)e already written the score, Eric said, his madness oo3ing through the phone line, its based on sacred geometric con(igurations I decoded (rom the #ibetan &ook o( the /ead. #he audience$$$their )ery souls1$$$will meld with the 3eitgeist o( Munchhausen1

#his sounds like a sane and rational course o( action, I said, taking another drag o( opium )apor (rom my modi(ied e$cig. I am certain you will (ind a great deal o( outside interest in your endea)or and are not in)iting trademark lawsuits at all. 'h, but it could work1 4a)e you e)er heard o( an 5industrial musical? I admitted I had not. Its team building bullshit that companies do. #hey hire people to stage custom productions speci(ically tailored to promote company culture. I discuss it with 6oy (rom ,6 at lunch all the time. Is this like when ,atrick thought he was tra)eling through dimensions because the +I* was a(ter him? I said. 7es1 #his is a big deal %ust like that1 I)e been thinking about the way they dei(ied old man Munchhausen. #heres a lot o( gnosis around him, like they were really trying to raise the man to the le)el o( a god. I can harness that to make a kickass inspirational play$$$I know it1 7es, they worshiped &uttmunch, I said, and becoming more pensi)e, added, by ele)ating the man to a god, you drag the gods closer to man. E-actly1 My whole employment at M ! has been one big ritual chamber (uck$(est1 My chaos brain is in o)erdri)e1 Im going to end the script with a superno)a o)er the bay1 !omething about Erics last statement stirred an unpleasant con(lagration in me. I took another drag, choked on the poppy smoke, and let the phone drop to the (loor. #here was a thud (rom somewhere nearby. #he air conditioning was breathing e((lu)ial gusts on my (ace and neck. In the orange glow o( the streetlight, a desiccated bush became the needled maw o( a black and sinister creature. &ethany8. I whispered the name o( someone I didnt know at the lengthening shadows. *s i( in reply, a mesti3o (amily burst into )iolent argument in the apartment abo)e me. Its a bad trip, man, I said to Eric, who I thought might still be on the phone by the leg o( couch. I thought, in this torrent o( bad(eels, i( I murmured strongly enough, i( I put enough (orce behind my words, they would penetrate the )inyl chair arm and we would be able to carry on con)ersation as i( nothing was amiss. &ut the bad(eels became worse(eels and I was suddenly on the (loor. #he coolness and (latness o( the world was soothing, or so I thought. It wouldnt settle my stomach, howe)er. It came up like the elephant in the room by an impolite guest. ,erhaps a dance, I thought, hoping to regain some primordial control o( my uni)erse. I mo)ed my le(t arm along the (loor, under the table, beside my head, then back again. I gyrated my right arm in synch with my le(t, care(ul to a)oid the )omit puddle. My legs twitched and (lailed. #his is the /ance o( Miracles, I told the empty phone that once was Eric, this is the dance that will take me home. My legs (ound their way under the couch and (inding com(ort there, told the rest o( my body about this secret co)e. !oon, the whole o( it was under there, nestled as I do when I am presented with wombly security. I bit my knuckles and, as the sunlight licked the windowpane, (ell asleep.

Musick o( the 0eers" &y William Egbert

8 We were *ll lied *nd I# #'

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9othing More #han creating *9 I :!I'9 '2 !eparation. $!te)il Martin