FHM Philippines March 2014

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THE NO. 1 MAGAZINE IN
THE PHILIPPINES
#fhmqueenmarian
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Catch some of the countrys hottest babes at
SOLAIRE RESORT & CASINO this MARCH 22
for some nautical naughtiness. Were serving up some of the countrys sexiest,
stripped down to their skivvies at a pool party thats sure to shiver your timbers this summer!
WEREBRINGINGTHEHEATOFSUMMERTOTHECITY.
MEDI A PARTNERS:
B R O U G H T T O Y O U B Y
A N D
O F F I C I A L V E N U E P A R T N E R P R E S E N T S
.com.ph
for more details, visit
MARCH 2014 FHM 7 ww f m com.ph facebook.com/FHM.ph twitt
CONT E NTS 03/ 1 4
50 HOPELESSLY
DEVOTED TO YOU
Marian Rivera proves
us its much sweeter the
second time around!
80 WHAT WOULD
ASIONG DO?
To every obstacle, theres
an appropriate action-star
response
88 SPENT!
How much does it really
cost to be a full-grown
man? Clue: twice as much
as a Japanese SUV!
90 TEACH ME HOW TO
DOUGIE
Three lady experts help us
extract vital sex lessons
from rap lyrics
94 WE BUILT THIS CITY
FHM talks to the countrys
top architect on how to
rehabilitate a desolate town
from scratch
100 BRAINY QUOTES
A few wise words from
Michael V.s many
incarnations
102 NICOLE
ALEXANDRIA
Take a stroll along
the shore with FHMs
Summer Hottie No. 1
108 LHEA BERNARDINO
...then enjoy this
Bulakeas sensual
summer innocence
114 TARA MEDINA
She knows how to
make long-distance
relationships last
120 RIZZA DIAZ
The Sports5 host packs
heat on and off court
128 BIANCA PERALTA
Hates the sun. Takes off
clothes. Its always better
that way
134 WENDY TABUSALA
Fashion model and Pinoy
Big Brother alumna
makes her FHM debut
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8 FHM MARCH 2014 www.fhm.com.ph
CONT E NTS 03/ 1 4
STARTE R
16 BABE
Its all in for business
management major Maya
Sycip
20 EDSA BY THE
NUMBERS
Is there hope for this 23-
km stretch of asphalt?
24 SURVIVE THE
BEACH
How to wrestle with a
shark, skin a buko
like a badass,
among other life-
saving tips
26 BASKETBALL
MARATHON
FHM attempts at
breaking a Guinness
World Record and fails in
the qualifying rounds
28 BAR ROOM JOKES
This month: a talking
frog, golf lessons, naked
women, and deadly habits
ACCE SS
34 300: RISE OF AN
EMPIRE
The men of Sparta take us
back to another killer action
35 MADE IN EUROPE
Non-American shows that
should have you glued to
your TV sets now
36 ICY READS
Books on serial killers,
Vikings, and the future
to stimulate your minds
38 UKULELE FOR
DUMMIES
Theres more to this
summery instrument than
playing Hey, Soul Sister
40 INFAMOUS SECOND
SON VS. TITANFALL
Of course, Sony and
Microsoft want you to
buy both
L OUNGE
42 SHE HATES IT WHEN...
FHM Babes and some
friends tell you what
they want
44 MASTER DEBATERS
Abby and Jahziel on
bedroom noises
46 LADIES
CONFESSIONS
Volleybelles headline our
cast of erotic storytellers
STYL E
143 LIGHT VISION
Wooden sunglasses arent
as heavy as they sound
144 DON HIDEO
Mr. Muraoka shows us
whos the boss
150 WALK ON AIR
The best-looking ip-ops
in town
GI RL F RI E ND
152 CRISTINA OQUIAS
Easygoing carshow model
wants you to enjoy the
beach as much as she does
UPGRADE
156 PARTY ESSENTIALS
Forget free-owing beer.
Animal mascots and
bondage girls are the in-
thing now
158 GIVE ME MUSCLE!
Your last-ditch effort at
getting that beach body
160 TRAVEL GEAR
Everything you need to
make that outdoor trip
memorableand less
dangerous
162 NEXT EPISODE
The Ford EcoSport is
about to change the way
we drive
164 BUILD YOUR PC
FROM SCRATCH
Because its better,
cheaper, and possibly
stronger!
168 TRUE STORIES
Angela Gabrielles
drunken stupor, and
other tales of hilarity P
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10 FHM MARCH 2014 www.fhm.com.ph facebook.com/FHM.ph twitter.com/fhmphil fhmphilofcial
T HE T E AM: WHAT F HMer s HAVE BE E N UP TO T HI S MONT H
I S B R OU G HT T O YOU BY. . .
TeamEditor Allan A. Madrilejos
Managing Editor Allan P. Hernandez
Art Director Paul C. Villariba
Associate Editor Alex C. Paita
Associate Art Director John Laurence O. Patulan
Senior Features Editor Khyne L. Palumar
Assistant Managing Editor Mich R. Lagdameo
Section Editor Anton D. Umali
Editorial Assistants, Mikey Ashlie L. Mahinay, Pong M. Castillo
Celebrity Coordinator Allan Altera
AN D F UT U R E - PR OOF E D BY. . .
Managing Editor BA Borleo
Associate Section Editors Mikey L. Agulto, Gelo Gonzales
Senior Staff Writer Ron Jay B. Eduvas
Staff Writer Neps Firmalan
WI T H A L I T T L E H E L P F R OM. . .
Words Lio Mangubat, Gelo Gonzales, Chiara Cui, Mikey Agulto,
Ron Jay Eduvas, Peter Imbong, Vince Sales Illustrations James Andres,
Mikke Gallardo, Boisei Malicdem, Mara Nepomuceno, Theodore Cruz Pictures
Ejay Leung, Mark Jesalva, Paul Mondoc, Jerico Montemayor, Jay Tablante,
Mark Nicdao, Paolo Pineda, Louie Aguinaldo, Niko Villegas Ria Regino
Styling/Makeup/Hair Liz Uy, Rey Santos, Ton Lao, Happy Lopez, Amanda
Padilla, Krist Bansuelo, Janina Dizon, Joyce Platon, Iya Yujuico, Rhoy Cervantes,
Georm Imperial, Dave Grona
F H M I NT E R NAT I ONAL N E T WOR K
International Director Simon Greves International Digital Director
Gary Broughton International General Manager Mark Beard
International Editorial Manager Henry Rimmer Head of International
Content Anouska Christy International Digital Manager Graham Kirk
International Content Executive Ellie Bond International Digital &
Content Executive Erin Viljoen International Technical Administrator
John Goodchild International Editors (Australia) Guy Mosel, (China) Jacky
Jin, (Czech Republic) Dalibor Demel, (France) Laurent Giraud, (Germany) Hans
Fuchs, (Holland) Sander Kersten, (India) Kabeer Sharma, (Indonesia) Richard
Sam Bera, (Latvia) Sandris Metuzals, (Malaysia) Rajesh Taluar, (Norway) Martin
Thronsen, (Philippines) Allan Madrilejos, (Romania) Paul Breazu, (Russia) Slava
Rovner, (Singapore) David Fuhrmann Lim, (Slovenia) Uros Majcenovic, (South
Africa) Hagen Engler, (Spain) Rafael Benitez, (Taiwan) Saffron Lee, (Thailand)
Jakaphatchara Buranabutr, (Turkey) Berk Iybar, (UK) Joe Barnes
S U M M I T M E D I A
President Lisa Gokongwei-Cheng VP for Operations Hansel dela Cruz
Senior Publishing Assistant Aeus Kevin Reyes Web Business Operations
Manager Dennison Ko Web Programmer Christopher Porto Production
Director Elizabeth Rellis Assistant Production Manager Jane M. Puno
Production Coordinator Arnel Laigo Production Designer Arthur
Asturiano Production Graphic Artist Dindo Rollan Administrative
Services Manager Whilma M. Lopez Admin Assistants Michiel Lumabi,
Marlyn Miguel, Paola Ciara Santos
ADVE RT I S I N G
Group Advertising Director Florence Bienvenido Adv. Director-Key
Accounts Group Regie Uy Adv. Mangers Maiza G. Mueco Key Account
Specialists Joey Anciano, Joyce Argana, Junn de las Alas, Alex Revelar,
Annie Santos, Suzette Tolentino Senior Account Manager (Print) Ginger
Taduran, Bem Caharian, JJ Dinglasan Senior Account Manager (Digital)
Lucas Reyes Junior Account Managers (Print) Rey Parale, Melinda
Kitane-San Diego, John Mangoba Junior Account Managers (Digital)
Onnie Del Mundo, Dianne Suegay, Angela Lagahid, Francis John Jimenez Adv.
Executive Assistant Rita Barbacena Key Accounts Assistants Maricel
Adaniel, Ashley Balla, Chinggay M. Cabit, Marie Jo Calubay Adv. Assistants
Lorena Santiago Adv. Trafc Supervisors Eliziel del Rio, Myra Gorospe
I N- MAGA Z I N E PR OMOT I ON S, E VE NT S & DATABAS E
Marketing Director Marcie S. Linao
I N- MAGA Z I N E PR OMOT I ON S & D E S I G N
Creative Director Noel G. Azcueta Assistant Marketing Manager: Grace
Acosta-Leyco In-Mag Project Ofcer Pamela Picones Creative Artists:
Jay Mathew Dimayuga, Clare Felise Magno, Anisa Privado Jr. Marketing
Associate Mary Princess Derit Marketing Encoder Sheryl Maraggunt
E VE NT S D E PART M E NT
Assistant Marketing Manager: Leah H. Basco Jr. Marketing Associates:
Sirius Langkay, Gladys Lapitan, Siena Mirano, Kieffer Albert Nonato, Abigail Pinili
M E D I A R E L AT I ON S
Media Relations Head Claire Algarme Senior Media Relations
Associate Nikka Peralta Media Relations Associate Jieneb Kho
T RAD E MAR K E T I N G
Trade Marketing Ofcer Candace Lobendino Sr. Trade Marketing
Associates Caz MarinoTrade Marketing Associate Kamille Guirnalda
Trade Marketing Ass. Jamie Islo, Angelica Anne Casacop, Daryl Lincod Jr.
Trade Marketing Project Coordinator Patric Malicdem
S PE CI AL PU B L I CAT I ON
Editor-in-Chief Dondi Limgenco Assistant Managing Editor Janis Ian Gopez
Art Director Jane Kristine Cruz Senior Graphic Artist
Benjamin Solomon J. Arnol
CI R CU L AT I ON
Circulation Manager Alma M. Madelo Deputy National Circulation
Manager Glenda Gil Circulation Manager-GMA Alaine Mae Lozada
Provincial Sales Manager Alexis Martinez International Distribution
Specialist Ulyssis Javier Distributors Group Head Caroline Herrera
Key Accounts Group Head Malou Rubinos Subscriptions Group
Head Hanna Montecer Circulation Supervisor Mary Fatima Flores
Systems Administrator - Interactive Editions Rico Cruz, Ron Silang
Key Accounts SpecialistVivian Manahan, Charlotte Barlis, Noreen Sescon-
Peligro, Jinky Rose Calugtong, Jennifer Tolentino, Jenny Reparep, Lhon Bituin,
Nathaniel Embiado, Felix Tong II Distributor Specialist-North Luzon
Mark Elliot Villola Distributor Specialist-Central Luzon Gian Carlo Peralta
Distributor Specialist-Central Visayas Robert Revilla
Distributor Specialist-Western Visayas Ivan Dela Pena
Distributor Specialist-Central Mindanao Eric Ferdinand Gasatan
Newsstands Supervisor Joel Valdez Sales Representative-GMA
John Lakhi Celso, Edward Caringal, Anjelyn Joy Carino Subscription
Coordinator Jofet Abad-Legaspi, Joyce Ann Ramos, Raquel Lorenzo
Distribution Account Analyst May Ann Ayuste Circulation
Administrative Assistant Marjorie Abueme Circulation Administrative
Assistant Elnie Marie Santos Export Sales Assistant Legui Brylle Gonzales
Telemarketer Michelle Jayin, Ruby Rose Frias
BA and wife Kaye
attended a high school
classmates wedding. BA,
kainan na naman? Awat
na! Congratulations to
Don and Meysil !
Mich, Pong, and Anton soak up the sun (and flaunt their flab-ulous
torsos) with the crew at their Anilao babe shoot. Balik-alindog: fail.
Flew the sexiest woman in the land to Balesin for her cover. Even in her bathrobe, Marian Rivera
is a vision of elegance and beauty. You all know you ve been waiting for this sophomore outing.
Associate editor Alexs soporific fantasy: being
Marians boyfriend for the day. Unfortunately,
shes kuya-zoned him already.
EA Ash doing what he
does best: photobombing
his life-peg, alpha male
model Hideo Muraoka,
in a photo-op with our
makeup artist.
Art director Paul
Villariba hamming
it up with celebrity
stylist Liz Uy and
our March covergirl
before boarding their
flight home. Vaguely
pictured: Pauls
reddish cheeks and
forehead!
The Chief finally
turns over his shares
for his former baby
and favorite watering
hole, bar Route 196!
No more free beers
and unlimited sisig
for the staff?! What a
bummer!
12 FHM MARCH 2014 www.fhm.com.ph twitter.com/fhmphil fhmphilofcial
L E T T E R S 0 3 / 1 4
GET I N TOUCH! SUMMI T MEDI A, 6F & 7F ROBI NSONS CYBERGATE CENTER TOWER 3 PI ONEER
COMPLEX, PI ONEER ST. , MANDALUYONG CI TY 1 550 / FHM@SUMMI TMEDI A. COM. PH /
FACEBOOK. COM/ FHM. PH / TWI TTER. COM/ FHMPHI L / I NSTAGRAM@F HMPHI L OF F I CI AL
ITS FOR HER, TOO
My husband and I are
diehard FHM fans,
religiously reading each
issue from cover to cover.
Hope we can see this photo
in your next issue. FHM
is part of his budget, and
I support him kasi I also
enjoy reading your mag
because it helps me a lot as
a woman and a wife.
Jelay, by email
BIRTHDAY WISH
My brother JJ is a
certied FHM fan. The
rst photo was taken
during his 50th birthday
(hindi lang halata)
celebration last January
27 at Mainit Resort,
Tayabas, Quezon. We
were hoping to get a solo
pic of him while blowing
his candle but, whoa! As
you can see, the picture
can be an entry for Who
the Hell Are You? In
the second photo, he is
with our Tito Arnel, who's admiring Ms. Alice Dixson
in your December 2013 issue. They obviously didn't
want to miss a single detail. I hope you can post these
photos in your next issue. Its my birthday wish for
Kuya and we will deeply appreciate you granting it.
J. Marte, by email
HI S WORLD S
SEXI EST
Kindly include this pic of my
sexy girlfriend in your next
issue. Siya ang nagbigay
sakin ng Jinri Park issue
ninyo last year at ng Banana
Nite girls issue dahil alam
niyang patay na patay ako
kay Aiko Climaco. Pero
ang totoo, mas patay na
patay ako sa kanya. Third
anniversary namin last
February 14 na birthday ko
rin. I am lucky to have her
and I love her so much.
Franklin, by email
WE GI VE YOU THI S FOR NOW
This letter is not actually meant to be posted in the Letters
section, but if you want to, I wouldnt mind. Ive been collecting
FHM since May 2009. I got so hooked in collecting that I also
grabbed some international editions through friends and
connections. Now I have 111 of 162 local copies and a few copies
from Singapore, UK, China, Thailand, Australia (back when it
was still being published Down Under). Im currently a business
analyst here at BGC and I teach (read: tame) programming and
other IT stuff on the side. The thing is, I want to write, and 50
percent of this frustration is your fault
because I was largely inuenced by your
cool writing style. So bakit sa FHM
agad? I dont know, I guess Im just the
kind of person who aims high. So heres
my simple birthday request (I turned 22
last February 8, you see. Im young, too...I
could be your future
ha ha!): Can you
give me a writing
assignment? I just
want see where itll
take me.
Bart, by email
FI RST AND NOT
THE LAST
Can't believe how time ies!
I'm now celebrating my rst
year as an FHM collector. I
can still remember feeling
thrilled, excited, happy, and
content when I rst got
my own copy and started
browsing through the pages.
Finally, I found the best
magazine for me. FHM helps
me to be condent with my
own body. You inspire me to
stay healthy and t! More
power to your awesome mag!
Looking forward to more
years of being a big fan.
Heres a sample of my own
FHM pose!
Rissa, by email
WHO T HE HE L L ARE YOU?
Ai mee, by emai l Emi l , by emai l
These peeps can't be bothered to relieve the agonizing details
behind these entries. It's that agonizingly obvious, folksand
somewhat hilarious!
L E T T E R S 0 3 / 1 4
GET I N TOUCH! SUMMI T MEDI A, 6F & 7F ROBI NSONS CYBERGATE CENTER TOWER 3 PI ONEER
COMPLEX, PI ONEER ST. , MANDALUYONG CI TY 1 550 / FHM@SUMMI TMEDI A. COM. PH /
FACEBOOK. COM/ FHM. PH / TWI TTER. COM/ FHMPHI L / I NSTAGRAM@F HMPHI L OF F I CI AL
My obra.
Chi t o Abel l o, by emai l
DAMAGE CONTROL: CHECK!
May isang concern lang po ako. Na-notice ko lang na panipis
nang panipis yung papel ng cover ninyo. Sana po yung March
issue hindi na madaling malukot at mapunit ang cover ng
magazine. Bilang collector po,
sana masolusyunan
ninyo talaga
itong concern
namin. Salamat
and mabuhay!
Sana mas
gumanda pa po
next cover girls
this year.
Kevin Manlulu,
via Facebook
RETURNI NG THE
FAVOR
I just want to share my
sexy back (ha ha, how I
wish!). I celebrated my
birthday in February,
and my husband gave me
your February issue as
a birthday gift. I want to
surprise him with my bod
in your next issue, gift ko
naman yun for him. You
guys are awesome!
Blanch X22, by email
GO GET THAT
REWARD, BRO!
I always like reading
FHM, ang dami kong
nakukuhang ideas,
especially sa Peek section.
Its my rst time to send
a letter, and I hope you
can include our picture
in your next issue. I hope
my girlfriend will see
this picture so I can get
a reward from her! Bhe,
youre always there to give
more of yourself. Thats
what makes you special. I
love you so much and thank
you for your unconditional
love. Take care of our baby
always.
Reanne, by email
H O T T I E L O V E
With the exception
of December, FHM.
com.ph 100% Hotties
Angela Gabrielle, Nicole
Alexandria, and now
Lhea Bernandinobaby-
faced, but all super
sexy, daring, and oozing
with hotness. Keep em
coming til December
2014. Hell yeah!
zTones22, via FHM.com.ph
Lhea Bernardino is love!
Arwi n Joseph Cruz, vi a Facebook
I love this photo. I can't wait to do
this on my next shoot!
rachel mccuen27, vi a I nst agram
Wow @kristinesantamena ganda
mo dito!
mi cki erooo, vi a I nst agram
Kahit malamig dito sa amin, mainit
ka pa din, ha ha!
ayabi l i s, vi a I nst agram
Madal i ng mal ukot tuwi ng . . .
kwan. . . tuwi ng bi nabasa ko
I just would like to greet my
haniko and our very cute
nephew Elijah. I also like to
thank her for making me smile
each day. I love you so much,
haniko!
Rain, by email
Ive been collecting FHM since
college. Just wanted to say
belated Happy Valentines Day
to my baby. I may not be your
rst love, rst kiss, or rst date. I
know, however Ill be your last.
Dwell, by email
Dream bi g.
Ai mee, by emai l
KE E PI NG
T HI NGS SHORT
G A L L E R Y
S
T
A
R
T
E
R
WI SDOM YOU
SHOULDN' T
LEAVE HOME
WI THOUT
PH OTO G RA PHY:
EJAY LE UNG OF MI DNI GHT BONKE RS
I NTE RV I E W:
ANTON D. UMALI
ST YL I N G: DE BRA BE RNALE S
MA KE U P: AMANDA PADI LL A
HA I R: RHOY CE RVANTE S F OR L OREAL
PROF E SSI ONNE L
B
R
A
N
D
N
E
W
M
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y
a
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V
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FYI
Im 20 years old
You can usually find
me: At bars along Polk
St. and Union St. in San
Francisco or in Manila
Polo Club
I like: Men who are
supportive and full of
personality
I dislike: Guys who
arent well-groomed
To enjoy your
summer: Find your real
friends, spend time with
them, and reconnect
with family
Bikinis are ultra-sexy
because: They allow
women to show off their
bodies. If youve got the
goods then show it!
bie model Maya Sycip is the
nddaughter of management and
accounting mogul Washington Sycip.
But unlike her famous granddad, this
petite (but full in all the right places)
San Francisco urbanite is more into
lending her talents to the visual arts
other than just arithmetic. Not that
were complaining, but as a business
management student who dreams of
becoming a badass lawyer one day,
it seems odd that she chose to go the
sexy magazine route for her bold
modeling debut. But once you hear her
story, things start to make sense.
On the second day of my
sophomore year of college, I had
a seizure, she shares. I was sent
to the emergency room and they
found a big tumor in my brain. I
was scheduled for emergency brain
surgery the next day. I had to go
through chemo and radiation so I
lost some hair. And now, Im okay.
Maya learned that when a foreign
mass is removed from your noggin and
you survive the ordeal, it could yield
change, self-reection, and a renewed
sense of fearlessness. And this set of
mesmerizing and steamy photos you
now hold in your hands is Mayas
courage incarnate.
We hear you plan on becoming a
badass lawyer one day.
Im still in school. Law school soon, but
for now Im a business management
major. I nd that when I take classes
about law, I pay better attention. In my
other classes I tend to doze off. Ha ha!
A pretty lady who thinks law classes
are fun. Youre a strange one
Well, I have a number of uncles who are
lawyers too, so it runs in the family.
Have you broken any laws?
I guess you can say that I have. I
mean, who hasnt?
Is your type of guy a lawbreaker as
well?
Well, he needs to have a great
personality. I think that personality is
really important. Its also important to
have somebody who is supportive of
me. Someone who will always be there
and someone who can make me laugh.
How does a guy win your affections?
He would rst have to ask me, Would
you like to go on a date? with those
words, you know? So its automatically
clear to me that we arent just hanging
out. He has to be clear! Then we go
to a nice dinner. Maybe do something
romantic. Just really get to know each
other.
Something romantic?
Yes. I consider myself a hopeless
romantic.
Whats the most romantic thing a
guy has done for you?
One time, this guy bought me twelve
roses on Valentines Day. Im very old-
fashioned.
Youre based in San Francisco. What is
a typical fun night for you back there?
Usually I go out with my sister and
some of her friends. We go to bars
along Polk Street or Union Street,
popular avenues for bars there.
How often are you in the Philippines?
At least once a year. The weather
here is beautiful. I like being in warm
weather, so this climate is perfect for
me. Also, the Filipino people are so
nice, unlike in the States where most
people can be rude. Everyone here is so
genuine and I love that.
How would you describe the best
summer vacation?
It has to be getting closer to my family.
Usually we will go to a resort, like El
Nido in Palawan. Im a beach bum at
heart. I like the sand and the fact that
I can be in a bikini. I like swimming
with sh. Its fun. I enjoy scuba diving
because its like youre ying, only in
water. FHM
H e n e e d s t o h a v e a g r e a t
p e r s o n a l i t y . I t h i n k t h a t
p e r s o n a l i t y i s r e a l l y
i m p o r t a n t . I t s a l s o
i m p o r t a n t t o h a v e s o m e b o d y
w h o i s s u p p o r t i v e o f m e
e b Newb
g n gran
NNNN
START E R R OAD 4 1 1
WT F I S WRONG
WI T H E DSA?
Bi l l i on- peso road pl ans and ot her t i nkeri ngs
i n t he past mont hs make us t hi nk t here s
actual l y a chance for t hi s 23km st retch of
ol d- t i mer asphal t . I s t here?
2. 34
million
average number of
vehicles passing
through Edsa in a day
Potholes at the very least.
Which is why 2013s Edsa
rehabilitation project, as
outlined by public works
secretary Rogelio Singson
seems straightforward enough:
fix 22.4 kilometers of cracked
pavement and overlay asphalt,
include surrounding curbs,
gutters, and drainagenot
forgetting bridges, tunnels and
overpasses. The Urban Roads
Planning Office also plans
to take back streets like Taft
Avenue from sidewalk vendors,
and clear roads and sidewalks
of overcrowding illegal
structures.
WHAT ARE WE
LOOKI NG AT HERE?
Road reblockings ofcially started
a year ago in January, with plans
to manage construction in three
phases*, barely starting phase 1
when it was stopped a month after
due to road inconvenience, only
to be restarted again February this
year. The plan was to smoothen at
least phase 1 of lubak before this
years World Economic Forum, or
next years Asia-Pacic Economic
Cooperation Summit. Yes, its
running behind schedule, but it
should nish earlier than the new
Skyway.
ARE WE ON SCHEDULE?
T H E N
Phase 1 Roxas
Boulevard to Julia Vargas
Phase 2 Julia Vargas to
North Avenue
Phase 3 North Avenue
to Bonifacio Monument /
Monumento.
Engi neer s Fl or enci o Mor eno
and Osmondo Monsod head
const r uct i on of t he nor t h-sout h
ci r cumf er ent i al r oad
Road is referred to as Highway 54
under the misconception that it is
actually 54 km long, and because
completion was reached that year
Republic Act 2140 officially
renames the road after
historian and academician
Epifanio delos Santos, who
also goes by Don Panyong
Edsa rallies; Edsa shrine is
erected in tribute.
193 0 19 54 19 5 9 19 8 6; 19 8 9
*
The ve-city road stretch
project will set us back
P3. 74
billion
and is expected to be
done in 23 months if
things go according to
schedule.
I
N
F
O
G
R
A
P
H
I
C
S
:
J
O
H
N
L
A
U
R
E
N
C
E
P
A
T
U
L
A
N
;
P
H
O
T
O
:
G
E
T
T
Y
I
M
A
G
E
S
;
W
O
R
D
S
:
K
H
Y
N
E
P
A
L
U
M
A
R
L I KE A WAL K
I N T HE PARK
The ki nd of urban pl anni ng
FHM woul d have done i f
l ef t t o our own devi ces
Not directly, but the 6-lane Skyway
Stage 3 project (budgeted separately
at P26.59 billion via Public-Private
Partnership funding) that will connect
SLEX (Buendia, Makati) to NLEX
(Balintawak, QC) should cut the two-
hour run from Buendia to Balintawak
to 20 minutes. This is expected to
detour trafc off Edsa considerably.
Construction began last month, and
roads ready in another 3 years.
SO SKYWAY3 IS
ALSO PART OF
THIS DEAL?
We should hope so. Urban planners add that any
signicant upgrade that involves decongestion
of Edsa doesnt end with just Edsa, but includes
adding to our trains and ne-tuning other public
transpo schemes. Or we could take cues from
neighboring Singapore (scored a road quality
of 6.5 at the Global Competitiveness report,
the highest in Asia). SGs transportation model:
notoriously high vehicular taxes, open-road
electronic toll collection, overstressed speed
limits, and a general public-transpo-commuting,
non-car-owning lifestyle.
WI LL WE SCORE HI GHER I N ROAD
QUALITY NEXT YEAR?
N OW
The Global
Competitiveness report
of 2011-2012 scores
Philippine road quality at
3. 1
points
second most kulelat
after Vietnam (2.6),
based on a scale
of 1 (extremely
underdeveloped) to 7
(extensive, efficient)
VEHI CLE-CODI NG
In place of number-coding, were
thinking: MWF roads are reserved
for sedans and mid-sized vehicles.
TTH is for full-sized trucks and buses.
Saturday and Sunday are exclusive
to motor and pedaled bikes, plus
rollerblades, longboards, and kalesas
now acceptably "registered vehicles.
AUTOMATED FI SHBALL/
KWEK-KWEK, YOSI BOOTHS
Like tolls or drive-thrus with separate
retail/tingi and wholesale/pakyaw
booths for single-serving passengers
and/or public utility vehicles.
MOBI LE MARTI AL LAW
Driving while surng/texting/speaking
on your phone lands you jail time of at
least 24 hours on the rst offense.
Yosi
Fishball/
Kwek-kwek
Mineral
Water
Basahan,
Ornaments
M T T W F S S
Metro Manila Council approves Edsa
rehabilitation project, allotting P3.74
billion of government budget
P- Noy pos t pones r oad
pr oj ect
Road pr oj ect i s r es t ar t ed Schedul ed compl et i on dat e as of
Febr uar y t hi s y ear
2013, Januar y 2013, Febr uar y 2014, Febr uar y Ear l y 2016
Skyway 3' s future
access poi nts:
1. Buendia
2. Quirino
3. Nagtahan
4. Aurora Boulevard
5. E. Rodriguez
6. Quezon Ave.
7. Sgt. Rivera
8. Balintawak
EDSAS NOTORI OUS
CHOKEPOI NTS*
Macapagal Avenue
Tramo yover
Guadalupe
Shaw/Crossing
Ortigas Interchange
Santolan
Cubao
Kamuning
North triangle
Balintawak
*as identied by DOTC, MMDA,
and Top Gear
MARCH 2014 FHM 21 www.fhm.com.ph facebook.com/FHM.ph twitter.com/fhmphil fhmphilofcial
START E R S U M M E R S U R VI VAL
H
O
W
T O
RVI VE T HE BE ACH
W
If youre going to wrestle with a shark, make sure you book a multi-million dollar pay-
per-view rst, cannily advises Ira Villar, martial artist and ght director for many local lm
and TV productions. Barring that, we lift two tips from actual accounts of shark survival
to make sure that, pay-per-view deal or pay-per-view deal, youll come out on top.
Go for the nose. The nose presents an
easier target, especially while its chowing
down on one of your limbs. Scott Yorko,
a kiteboarder who was once stranded in
the middle of the sea, went for this target
when a pack of whitetips attacked. Shark
noses contain electro-receptorsa good
slap on the nose may feel particularly
nasty for the nned marauder.
Make sure a dolphin is in your
speed-dial. When surfer Todd Endris
was attacked in Californias infamous
Red Triangle (notable for incidents
of shark-on-man sticuffs), he was
rescued by a particularly unlikely gang
of pals: a pod of dolphins, which formed
a protective wall between him and the
shark as he paddled to safety.
WEAR SPEEDOS
When is the right time to wear
Speedos? Never, says model-turned-
actor Jon Hall. I have worn them
before, and it wasnt the right time, and
it will never be the right time to wear
them, ever. But if you really must...
Make sure you have abs
A gut hanging over a pair of Speedos
only works on Jun Sabayton.
Make sure youre young
The older you are, cautions Hall, the
farther you should stay away from them.
Make sure youre packing the heat
Because people will zero in on that patch
that still managed to be fully concealed.
RUN LIKE A BAYWATCH STAR
There can be no more iconic beach
scene than the patented Baywatch
Run. Recreate this classic pop culture
moment before you hit the surf all the
time, any time.
TIP 1: Grow man-boobs.
Make sure they bounce.
Check their jiggle
by lifting your shirt
out, peeking in,
and moving your
shoulders rapidly.
TIP 2: Master
the pout.
You may not
have Carmen
Electras lips
but it s
easy to steal
expression.
TIP 3: Scor
compact sa
Bonus point
red. To matc
your, you kno
swimsuit.
BUKO
A
ASS
Mario, who
n selling
ts out of
k of a cart
for the
ee years,
s how
t up and
young,
coconut.
er,
version
s little
t water,
and also looks
like a giant,
withered
scrotum.
2 Get a fairly
sharp machete
or a kitchen
cleaver.
3 Cut a shallow
part off both
ends of the
coconut by
rotating the
coconut around
as you chop
until the end
falls off.
4 Stand the
coconut and
make a lateral
cut across one
end until you
expose the
hollow. Stick a
straw in. Sip.
5 Once the
waters all
done, machete
the coconut in
half. Scoop the
meat out with
your blade, if
youre a real
badass.
*
N
a
m
e
s
h
a
v
e
b
e
e
n
c
h
a
n
g
e
d
W
O
R
D
S
:
L
I
O
M
A
N
G
U
B
A
T
;
I
L
L
U
S
T
R
A
T
I
O
N
S
:
J
A
M
E
S
A
N
D
R
E
S
Wherever i t i s you
vacat i on, you ve
got to beat more
t han t he heat . . .
HI DE YOUR (LACK OF) ABS
Dont have a beach body? Dont worry;
you can mitigate the ab with these tips...
1 Wear a shirt. The looser, the better.
2 Dont take off your shirt. Even when
youre swimming. Yeah, youll look
like a loser...but at least you wont
look like an ab-less loser. Unless the
shirt sticks to your front, and then its
buking city from then on.
3 Avoid rash guards. Theyre stretchy.
Theyre tight. They will betray you.
HOOK UP WITH A FOREI GN
CHI CK. PAI NLESSLY
Its the beach, and youre eager to show
international tourists the pride of the
Philippinesnamely, your awesome
skill in bed. But how to start? Here are
some pointers to get that international-
level nookie going.
1 Try going for girls who also speak
English. Its easier to irt with someone
if you both speak a common language.
2 If you know a few words in their
language, chances are high theyll
nd it really cute. Theyll also
be impressed, especially if you
pronounce it like a native.
3 If you dont know jack, you
can also ask them to teach you,
says Drew*, who once asked a
Norwegian to teach him how to
count in her language.
Secretly, weve always wished
that we could just shoot hoops
all day, and not waste our time on
silly things, like work.
So imagine our delight when
we got invited to a tryout for
Basketball Marathon 2014,
an ultra-endurance basketball
game organized by Access Cable
Enterprises in cooperation with
Samahang Basketbol ng Pilipinas.
Their offer? Pass their tryouts and
get a chance to be one of the 24
participants that will attempt to
break the current world record
for the longest time continuously
playing basketball using FIBA
rules.
This was our chance for glory.
This was our chance for hoops
superstardom. We were goddamn
sure we were going to be a part
of this slammin shindig.
DRI LLED HARD
To test our physical limits, a ve-station drill routine was put in place.
We made it out alive
SCRI MMAGE I NFI NI TY
After the drills, cardio hell wasnt
over as the goal of the tryouts is
to simulate the actual marathon.
So for a good three hours,
play continued non-
stop, with a set of 10
players subbing in after
10-minute intervals.
PRO-TI PS FROM
PLAYER NO. 1
Doc Larry Macapanpan
is a 44-year-old dentist
who does volunteer work
for Gawad Kalinga. He is
also called Player No. 1
for being the rst player
selected for the roster. His
job: be a leader, and keep
the whole squad in check for
the duration of the grueling
undertaking. How do we
achieve this record?
Mental endurance
From the grueling month-
long training to the actual
ve-day show, the ability to
play non-stop will depend on
the players state of mind. He
says that this thing will push
players to their breaking point,
and the players who last are
those that can push past the
physical limits.
Thrive on Pinoy
basketballs current
momentum
The PBA is experiencing a
resurgence and the Gilas
team had just won silver at
the FIBA Asia Championship
in 2013. The timing cant be
more perfect.
Substance not flash
Doc Larry says that playing
such a long game will
rely more on basketball
fundamentals and athletic
soundness. Its about who can
run longer rather than who
can run fastest.
Above all: pacing
Slowly but surely, says Doc
Larry. And try not to get
injured!
Stage 1:
Defensive
laterals
Ment al
condi t i on:
That wasnt
too bad.
Stage 2:
Right-
to-left,
left-to-right
footwork
test
Ment al
condi t i on:
Mmm, this
is harder
than we
thought.
Stage 3:
Knees-to-
the-chest
side motion
Ment al
condi t i on:
This is only
the third
station?!
Stage 4: A
barrage of
jump shots
Ment al
condi t i on:
We should
have stayed
home.
Stage 5:
A litany of
lay-ups
Ment al
condi t i on:
Make
it stop!
Please!
START E R C HAL L E NG E
Here are our stats:
Total games played: Two
10-minute games
Total points scored: 4
Total number of injuries:
One reinjured ankle, and one
severely bruised ego
Did we make it? No
Random Endurance Tips
Take a 15-minute break after
every hour of sitting in the
ofce to keep your spine in
good shape.
To make you last longer
during sex, perform kegel
exercises to increase penile
endurance.
Close your eyes for ve
minutes after every hour
of gaming in a gaming
marathon.
THE GAMEPLAN
The Philippines record
attempt takes place from
March 24 to 28, 2014 at the
Meralco Gym. The teams will
play a whopping 120 hours
(and possibly more) to set a
new record. The rules are...
All equipment must be
standard
Two professional
timekeepers must time the
attempt with stopwatches
accurate to 0.01 seconds
No breaks are allowed,
including half-time breaks.
Likewise, no player can do
things extraneous to the
spirit of the game (such as
arguing with the referee) in
order to buy time
All 24 players must be
present from the beginning
to the end of the event.
Food and sleeping bags
may be used at courtside.
CAN F HM
TH
E
N
U
M
B
ER
S
TO
B
EAT
The
current G
uinness
W
orld
Record
for longest
m
arathon
playing
basketball is
112
hours
and
13
seconds. It
w
as
set by the
M
issouri Athletic
C
lub
in
Saint Louis, M
issouri,
USA
in
a
gam
e
played
from
M
arch
21
to
25
2012.
Who makes the cut?
There are 24 roster spots on
the nal Basketball Marathon
2014 contingent. The
requirements...
1 The player must be 18 years
old at the time they signed
up. There is no age limit.
2 The player must pass the
try-outs and the succeeding
medical screenings.
BRE AK A
GUI NNE SS WORL D
RE CORD?
Basket bal l Marat hon
2014 s fi ve- day
st retch of non- stop
bal l i ng i s about to
gi ve us the answer
W
O
R
D
S
:
G
E
L
O
G
O
N
Z
A
L
E
S
;
P
H
O
T
O
G
R
A
P
H
Y
:
M
A
R
K
J
E
S
A
L
V
A
Ki l i - k i l i : nakaka- al i badbad!
28 FHM MARCH 2014 facebook.com/FHM.ph twitter.com/fhmphil fhmphilofcial
FUNNY LITTLE FROG
An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog
called out to him and said, If you kiss me, Ill turn into a
beautiful princess. He bent over, picked up the frog, and
put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, If
you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess,
I will stay with you for one week. The engineer took the
frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it in to
his pocket. The frog then cried out, If you kiss me and
H
u
m
o
r
>
s
i
x
-
p
a
c
k
a
b
s
I N FULL SWI NG
A husband and wife love to
golf together, but neither
of them plays well, so
they decide to take private
lessons. The husband takes
his lesson rst. After the
pro sees his swing, he says,
No, youre gripping the
club way too hard! Well,
what should I do? asks the
man. Hold the club gently,
the pro replied, Just like
how youd hold your wifes
breast. Taking his advice,
he takes a swing, and pow!
He hits the ball 250 yards
straight up the fairway. The
man goes back to his wife
with the good news, and
the wife cant wait for her
lesson. The next day the wife
goes for her lesson. The pro
watches her swing and says,
No, youre gripping the club
way too hard. What should
I do? asks the wife. Hold
the club gently, just like how
youd hold your husbands
penis. The wife listens
carefully to the pros advice,
takes a swing, and thump!
The ball goes straight down
the fairway about 15 feet.
That was great, the pro
says. Now, take the club out
of your mouth and swing the
club like youre supposed to!
Cedelf, by email
HITTI NG HARD ROCK
Young Pedro and Juan went
for a walk in the forest.
A few kilometers in, they
were surprised to see naked
women bathing in a river.
They both stared in awe,
until Pedro ran fast back out
to the city. Juan chased after
him. When Juan caught
after Pedro, he asked, Why
did you run away? Didnt
you like seeing them? My
mom told me if I saw naked
women, Id turn into stone.
I ran after I felt something
getting hard!
Leonard S., by email
CHOOSE YOUR
POISON
Three desperately ill men
go to their doctor to seek
help. One is an alcoholic,
the other is a chain smoker,
and the other is gay. The
doctor tells the men that
if they indulge in
any of their habits
again, they will die. So the
three men leave and dine in
a restaurant to talk about
their illness. The alcoholic
sees liquor on the menu, so
he orders a shot of whisky
and suddenly drops dead.
Feeling stressed out, the
chain smoker went out
and sees a half-lit cigarette
on the ground. Looking
tempted, the gay guy told
the chain smoker, If you
bend over to pick that up,
were both dead.
Jonas07, by email
turn me back into a princess, Ill stay with you and do
anything you want. Again the engineer took the frog
out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket. Finally,
the frog asked: Whats the matter? Ive told you Im a
beautiful princess, and that Ill stay with you for a week
and do anything you want. Why wont you kiss me? The
engineer said, Look, Im an engineer. I dont have time for
a girlfriend, but having a talking frog, now thats cool!
Jerome Rex Bugtong, via Facebook Fan Page
I
L
L
U
S
T
R
A
T
I
O
N
:
M
I
K
K
E
G
A
L
L
A
R
D
O
START E R J OKE S
THI S I S SPARTA
AGAI N
GI RD UP YOUR LOI NS AND START
CHANTI NGTHE 300 SEQUEL
I S HERE FOR SOME KI LLER
GRAPHI C (NOVEL) ACTI ON
300: RISE OF AN EMPIRE
Wi t h: Sul l i van St apl et on, Eva Green, Lena Headey,
Rodr i go Sant oro
Based on Frank Millers latest graphic
novel Xerxes (yet to be released), the film
pits the men of Sparta, and their great
general Themistokles (Stapleton), against
massive Persian forces led by Xerxes and
Artemisia (Green).
Why you shoul d see i t : The sequel youve been
waiting for is nally here. You can stop
saying This is Sparta! now. Seriously, stop
staying it.
Out : March 6
F I L M
S P A R T A N S > Y O U
3 Reasons why the men of 300
make regular bros look like
wimps
1 Their thighs are thicker than your
torso. The average Spartan warrior
stood 510 on average and
weighed about 185lbs to 200lbs
of pure muscle.
2 They make your hardcore CrossFit
workouts seem like childs play.
Literally. As children, Spartans
were placed in a military-style
education, which included an
arduous daily training regimen of
sword fighting.
3 They could hold their liquor even
as infants. Spartan babies were
often bathed in wine, not water.
01
Bor a boys : al ways
r eady f or act i on
W
O
R
D
S
:
C
H
I
A
R
A
C
U
I
M A R C H
2 0 1 4
Y O U R
M O N T H L Y
V I P P A S S
EUROVI SI ON
W
O
R
D
S
:
C
H
I
A
R
A
C
U
I
NEED FOR SPEED
Ex-con Tobey Marshall (Aaron
Paul) joins a cross-country drag
race to exact revenge on his ex-
partner Dino Brewster (Dominic
Cooper), who framed him into jail
time.
Why you shoul d see i t : Aaron
Breaking Bads Jesseis moving
up in the world, bitch.
Out : March 14
MUPPETS MOST WANTED
The gangs back. This time
theyre on a Euro tour that takes
them through the ringer of the
worlds biggest international
crime syndicate headed by
Kermits doppelganger. Ricky
Gervais, Tina Fey, and Ty Burrell
join the cast for this global romp.
Why you shoul d see i t : Muppets
movies allow you to relive your
childhood nostalgia. Embrace it.
Out : March 2 1
CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE
WINTER SOLDIER
The Cap is back, still trying to nd
his place in the modern world.
He teams up with Black Widow
(Scarlett Johansson) to save the
world from a mysterious enemy.
Why you shoul d see i t : You were
going to anyway, for Scar Jo in
that jumpsuit.
Out : March 2 6
THE MOST COMPELLI NG (AND SOMETI MES
DI SMAL) NOT-MADE-I N-THE-USA SHOWS YOU
SHOULD BE WATCHI NG RI GHT NOW
02
T E L E V I S I O N
F O R E I G N F U N
D O W N R I G H T D E P R E S S I N G
FRESH MEAT
A group of college freshmen are forced to rent
a house together after the dorms ll up. One
part Skins, one part The Inbetweeners, which
coincidentally have both been adapted for
American audiences. Its only a matter of time
until MTV tries to snatch this one up (see:
ruin) so watch it now while its still good.
TOP OF THE LAKE
Written by acclaimed director Jane Campion,
this crime drama, lmed and set in New Zealand
stars Mad Mens Elizabeth Moss (who recently
won a Golden Globe for her acting in the show) as
a detective investigating the disappearance of a
pregnant 12-year-old. The show has been hailed as
a masterpiece by many critics. Equal parts Twin
Peaks with the moodiness of the directors The Piano
BORGEN
A charismatic politician becomes the rst female
Prime Minister of Denmark. Critics have called
Borgen the best TV show you have never seen
and has been compared to The West Wing, but
Nordic, which we all know is a euphemism for
bleak. Anyway, you need a break from that
depressing Lars Von Trier marathon.
LES REVENANTS (THE RETURNED)
Adapted from the 2004 lm They Came Back, Les
Revenants is about a small mountain town where
the dead are coming back to life. Camille, a teenager
who was killed in a road accident four years prior,
comes home unharmed one day to the shock of her
family. Trust that everything sounds a little bit
better (and creepier) with a French accent.
BRON
A dead body is found on the border of Sweden
and Denmark, thus requiring representatives
from both countries to investigate. Detectives
Martin Rohde from Denmark and Saga Noren
from Sweden search for the serial killer
they call the Truth Terrorist. An antidote
to the canned laughter sitcoms of the US,
this Swedish/Danish show is like Colonel
Sanders Double Down of depressing shows.
D A N I S H
D R A M A R A M A
F E A R - F I L L E D
F R E N C H I E
S C A N D A L O U S L Y
S C A N D I N A V I A N
B R I T P O P
K I W I C R I M E
M Y S T E R Y
AND THE QUEEN S
O T H E R R E A L M
CHI LLI NG HEAT
ACCE SS
THE SLI GHT TURN-OF-THE-YEAR TEMP REPRI EVE HAS DI SSI PATEDITS
MARCH, AND IT S JABAR SEASON. RECALL MORE WI NTRY HOURS (AND
THE SNOW WE LL NEVER GET TO SEE HERE) WITH THESE I CY READS
F I L M
THE WORST JOURNEY IN THE WORLD
Apsley Cherry-Garrard
Your skin might already crackle at the thought
of reading about subzero temperatures, but your
warm heart will never survive that part in the
book where the author describes entering a tent,
only to nd the iced-over remains of two friends. A
true story of a 1910-1913 Antarctic expedition to
recover Penguin eggs, its narrated by one of the
actual survivors, the resourceful Cherry-Garrard
[1886-1959], who painstakingly reports every
difcult detail. Youll walk away from the book
with more than a passing
familiarity with sliding
friction on sleds...and a
greater appreciation for the
gritty, desperate heroism of a
lost cause.
Chi l l i ng Quote: A war is
like the Antarctic in one respect.
There is no getting out of it with
honour as long as you can put
one foot before the other.
NORTHLANDERS:
BLOOD IN THE SNOW
Brian Wood, Vasilis Lolos,
and Danijel Zezelj
Brian Woods pseudo-
historical comic series zeroes
in on historys most bad-ass
warriors and doesnt spare
the sensitivitiestheres lots
of red to be spilled on pure
white snow. The best volumes
(collecting #9, #10, and #17-
20) in the 50-issue series
collect four stand-alone tales
that arent ashamed to tackle
deep themes: paganism
versus Christianity, women versus men, old age
versus the sprightly sword-arms of youth. Theres
enough bloodshed and an assload of gorgeously
illustrated action throughout. But its educational,
tooin the issue The Viking Art of Single Combat,
youll learn that some Vikings would go into battle
ridiculously stoned. Awesome.
Chi l l i ng Quote: From copse to copse I crawl, and
creep now. Worthless. Who knows how highly I will be
heralded someday?
LOVE MINUS EIGHTY
Will McIntosh
Think of it as the creepiest mail-order bride scheme
ever: Hot dead women are cryogenically ash-frozen
and placed in a dating center where, decades after,
they can be thawed out for a price and married off to
the highest bidder. So its a hundred years into the
future, with dead chicks in refrigerator pods at -80,
and the line from chivalrous to creepy is drawn in
ridiculously thin ice. Its simultaneously romantic
and creepy, as one of the characters woos a girl he
just ran over with a car, while a lesbian comes to
terms with being dead and
frozen into a bridesicle; just
two lost souls navigating
a hopeless future where
everyone sports social media
wearables and the gap
between rich and poorand
between lover and loveris
wider than ever.
Chi l l i ng Quote: Men dont
want women who were frozen sixty
years before the facility opened,
because they have nothing in
common with those women.
NOS4A2
Joe Hill
Charles Manx scoots around
in a vintage car (with a
vanity plate that reads
suspiciously like Nosferatu)
and picks up little kids. Then
he uses interdimensional
powers to take them to
Christmastime Land, a twisted
little fairground where its
Christmas Eve forever and he
can suck their youth out like
a vampire. One day, he picks
up a little girl (the Brat)
with the same powers as he does, but she escapes,
and Manx is locked up for life. But now the little
girl is all grown up, and Manx is out, and looking
for revengethis time, on the Brats own son. If
it sounds suspiciously like a Stephen King novel,
thats because Hill is his son and hes inherited his
fathers gift for spinning horror into a well-written,
fully eshed piece of art thats haunting, emotional,
and scary enough to make your blood run cold.
Chi l l i ng Quote: Christmas was almost four months in
the rearview mirror, and there was something awful about
Christmas music when it was nearly summer. It was like a
clown in the rain, with his makeup running.
T HE SOUT H POL E
T HE HE ART OF A SE RI AL KI L L E R
T
H
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V
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G
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R
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O
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Y
J O
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Y
T
O
03
W
O
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S
:
L
I
O
M
A
N
G
U
B
A
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ALL STRINGS
ATTACHED
Serenade a beach babe
wi th the most summer-
soundi ng i nstrument
you can l earn to pl ay
thi s month
04
M U S I C
F H M S U K U L E L E
G U I D E F O R D U MMI E S
SI ZE
Ukuleles come in four sizes:
soprano, concert (alto),
tenor, and baritone.
Size affects the tone
and volume of each
ukulele. The baritone
sounds closest to a
guitar, so seasoned
guitarists usually go
for it, says Lagrama.
The sizes of a ukulele
average from 20 to 30
inches.
WOOD
According to Lagrama,
manufacturers use different
types of wood in making a
ukulele, and each wood gives the
instrument a different sound.
The more famous kinds used are
mahogany, which has a bright
and tremulating sound; and the
Hawaiian koa, which gives a
rich and warm sound.
COATI NG
Ukuleles are specially coated
with high-density laminates,
especially the ones imported
from abroad. Hawaiian
The correct Hawaiian
pronunciation of ukulele is oo-
koo-leh-leh. Youve been saying it
wrong, man! (not: yoo-koo-ley-ley)
There are also electronic
ukuleles that can be connected
to ampliers. You can go
organic metal (yeah, we just
made that up) and punk rock
with this small toy!
The Portuguese are actually
responsible for introducing
ukuleles to the Hawaiians in the
1800s.
Unlike guitars with six strings,
ukuleles only have four. Ukuleles
are tuned G, C, E, A in the fth
fret, giving it a higher pitch.
FOR MORE ON
UKULELE PHI LI PPI NES:
Facebook: www.
facebook.com/
ukephilippines
Twitter: @ukulelePH
Instagram:
@ukulelephilippines
Website: www.
ukulelephilippines.com
manufacturers, however, prefer
to keep their ukuleles uncoated
and solid, which makes it more
prone to cracks and breakage.
STRI NGS
Most ukulele players
invest on good wood and
just switch strings over
time. Depending on
the sound you prefer,
you can choose from
a wide array of
strings. According
to Lagrama: Nylon
strings take a little
while to set, but are
easy to tweak in terms
of pitch. Nylgut strings
give off bolder sounds.
W H E R E T O H E A D F O R A
P I E C E :
The Ukulele Philippines Shop
The Collective, Malugay St.,
Makati City
S H O U L D S E T Y O U B A C K :
P1,600 to P25,000
ACCE SS
But you dont have a
musical key in your
body and a ukulele is
still an instrument
should you be intimidated?
Ukulele Philippines Leon
Lagrama rebuts: Its handy
and easy to learn. You can
learn four chords in five
minutes. Now thats not so bad
a challenge. We should listen
though; Leon knows his stuff.
His hobby-turned-business
started with a personal
collection of nine ukuleles and
grew to hundreds of imported
and prime quality ukes in his
first and (so far, only) ukulele
shop in the country.
What other factors to
consider in buying one, though?
Let FHM guide you through
U K E L E L E F A C T S
W
O
R
D
S
:
P
O
N
G
C
A
S
T
I
L
L
O
;
P
H
O
T
O
G
R
A
P
H
Y
:
P
A
U
L
M
O
N
D
O
K
I came i n l i ke a wrecki ng bal l
G A ME S
05
HEAD TO HEAD
PL OT
Conduits, basically superpowered mutants,
werent wiped out in the ending of the last
inFAMOUS after allhence the creation of the
big bad Department of Unied Protection to keep
things nice and oppressive.
Evil corporations and a plucky
militia battle over a derelict
planet forsome reason. GIANT
ROBOTS.
GAME PL AY
WE L I KE
No longer will you have to
evolve your powers depending
on how good or evil you are,
but according to your play
style instead
Summoning Titans is timer-bas
so even the most hopeless play
will eventually get to go amok
behind the controls of one
MULT I PL AYE R
Rumors that the series will debut multiplayer
make us think of chasing friends down and
causing massive amounts of collateral damage
this could be good
Six vs. six matches might seem small, but the AI
bots running around in every match keep things
lively and the kill counter ticking
E YE CANDY
I NGRE DI E NTS
Smoke and ame effects so lifelike
that youll be gasping at their billowing
realness. Michael Bay would be proud
Dedication to a 60fps frame rate
means a razor-sharp response from
the controls
PE DI GRE E
Sucker Punch Productions also created
quirky stealth series Sly Cooper and
is a jewel in Sonys crown of exclusive
developers
Respawn Entertainment is headed by the founders
of Innity Ward (Call of Duty) and swore under the
banner of Microsoft for their rst game
I T S KI ND
OF L I KE
A Human Torch and Spider-man mash-up
hero inside Grand Theft Auto
Attack on Titan characters piloting Titanser,
giant robots
MOT I ON
SI CKNE SS-
I NDUCI NG?
Possible, seeing that you
hurtle above city skylines
like your ass is on rewait,
it actually is!
Possible, as you run up,
sideways, and down walls
when you arent busy
double-jumping all over
the place
ACCE SS
I NFAMOUS:
SE COND
SON
TI TANFALL
2
1
M
A
R
C
H
R E L E A S E D AT E
1
1
M
A
R
C
H
R E L E A S E D AT E
W
O
R
D
S
:
A
S
H
M
A
H
I
N
A
Y
Because a consol e war i s good for everyone (a. k. a. more i nnovati on), we re sti rri ng the pot by pi tting
PlaySt ation 4 excl usi ve i nFAMOUS: Second Son agai nst the Xbox One-onl y Ti t anfal l who ya got?
P E N E T R A T E H E R M I N D
L O U N G E
Knowi ng what she wants i s onl y hal f the battl e. Goi ng
i nto speci fi cs about what she doesn t want meanwhi l e
wel l , we l l l et these beauti ful women do the tal ki ng
Kookai Sar mi ent o,
car show model
1 YOU TRY TO
COVER UP FLAB
AT THE BEACH
I dont like men who
wear shirts while
swimming. If you
have ab, I wouldnt
really care. Cute
naman minsan eh!
2 YOU USE
BLING TO GET
AHEAD
There are men
who think they can
get anything they
want from you just
because theyre rich.
One time, I even got:
Naka-Genesis ako
tapos hindi mo ako
iki-kiss? Sorryno!
3 YOURE
SOFTER
AROUND THE
EDGES
I dont like men
who have softer
hands than I do. I
usually use it as a
conversation starter,
Rough hands. Yes, I
like it rough. Ha ha!
SHE HATES
I T WHEN
Ni col e Al exandr i a, model
6 YOU GO AWAY
Long distance relationships just wouldnt
work.
7 YOURE TOO DRUNK FOR NOOKIE
I dont really like drunk sex. Sober sex is
better!
8 YOU DONT CONSULT OUR STYLE
PAGES
I dont like guys who wear sloppy clothes.
Deb Ber nal es, f ashi on st yl i st
9 YOURE TOO MUCH OF A
CITY RAT
Summers shouldnt be spent in the
city.
10 YOU LOOK STRAIGHT
DOWN HER CLEAVAGE
I dont like it when men are
predictable.
11 YOU DONT KNOW WHEN
TO SHUT UP
I dont like talking in bed, especially
to ask for opinions and instructions. It
kills the momentum!
Char m del a Cr uz, model
12 YOU BREAK UP AND
GET BACK TOGETHER
A LOT
I hate breakups. Ang drama na
nga, papangit ka pa kakaiyak.
Ha ha!
Lhea Ber nardi no, model
I don t l i ke dry hai r.
4
YOU DON T CONDI TI ON
5 YOU USE
BEACH
MASSAGE AS
AN EXCUSE TO
FEEL HER UP
I dont like
perverts. At saka
sunblock is too
sticky and greasy.
Ayoko ng mahirap at
magulo kausap, lalo
yung mga pabago-
bago ng isip.
13
YOU RE
I NDECI SI VE
W
O
R
D
S
:
P
O
N
G
C
A
S
T
I
L
L
O
;
L
H
E
A
,
N
I
C
O
L
E
,
A
N
D
B
I
A
N
C
A
S
P
H
O
T
O
:
M
I
D
N
I
G
H
T
B
O
N
K
E
R
S
;
A
N
G
E
L
S
P
H
O
T
O
:
J
E
R
I
C
O
M
O
N
T
E
M
A
Y
O
R
Cel Reyes, merchandi se assi st ant
14 YOU BRING UP THE OTHER WOMAN
I dont like men who compare you with their exes! Past is
past!
15 YOURE TOO MACHO TO SAY WHAT YOU FEEL
I dont like men who dont admit what they really feel
about you or about any given situation.
16 YOU PLAY EVERYTHING BY THE BOOK
Men who aren't the least bit spontaneous are big turnoffs.
It's good to have an adventure once in a while.
17 YOURE JEALOUS ABOUT THE WRONG
THINGS
Ive been stuck with men who over analyze everything (i.e.
Why are you wearing makeup today? Are you meeting up
with someone?)
18 YOU CANT PLAY THE MYSTERIOUS CARD
I dont like men who are too available. It's always nice to
know that they have their own life too.
Enah Baba,
merchandi se
assi st ant
25 YOU
DONT TAKE A
BREAK FROM
SERIOUS
I hate guys with
no sense of humor
and no spontaneity.
Be adventurous!
26 YOU DONT AT
LEAST BRUSH
YOUR TEETH
I hate bad hygiene.
As a woman, I
would always like
Bi anca Peral t a, model
19 YOURE COMPLICATED
I can only handle so much bullshit.
Cher r y Cabrera, DJ
21 YOURE TOO
JUDGMENTAL
FOR YOUR OWN
GOOD
Not all girls who
party are bad girls.
Give us the benet
of the doubt. Stop
judging!
22 YOURE WITH
HER TOO MUCH
Clingy guys should
learn to hang out
with their guy
friends, too. Ha ha!
We both deserve
some alone time.
23 YOURE TOO
AGGRESSIVE
Relax.
24 YOURE FULL
OF POMP
But being
condent enough to
approach me is kind
of cute.
to look my best, so
I'd hope that he'd
do the same.
27 YOU DONT
UNLEASH
MANOY
ENOUGH
Lacking passion is
a no-no.
28 YOURE THE
OPPOSITE OF
HONEST
Lying is an
unacceptable trait
in a guy.
29 YOURE A
TEXTBOOK
PLAYER
I can always tell if
a guy is sincere or
hes a player. Dont
feel the need to
engage me in mind
games. It seldom
works.
20
I like guys who are total gentlemen in
bed. Imbyerna ako pag sobra na yung
dirty talking!
YOU DI TCH THE
GENTLEMAN ACT I N BED
Angel Mal i t , model
30 YOU STICK TO ONE ROUTINE
Gusto ko when it comes to making love,
medyo passionate na may pagka-romantic.
Tapos pa-wild nang pa-wild!
32 YOURE A BLABBERMOUTH WHO
ISNT SMART
I also hate guys na sobrang madaldal pero
nonsense kausap.
31
YOU DON T
NEARLY GET
ENOUGH PRACTI CE
Saka yung hindi magaling in
bed! Ha ha!
GENERI C HATRED
Other unani mous thi ngs that she shoul d never catch
you becomi ng, accordi ng to the same l adi es
Mayabang Bori ng Pri ssi er than
your woman
D
E
B
A
T
E
R
S
M
A
S
T
E
R
A
J
J AHZ I E L
Boinking noises, oooh yeah! Its my thing! Deep down,
were all animals in bed. We want it wild, and we want it
loud! Mas maraming sounds na nagaganap, mas nakaka-
turn-on!
ABBY
True! But the noises have to come from both parties. If Im
making all sorts of sexy noises to pleasure my man, he
has to keep it sexy on his end din. I love men who grunt
loudly while theyre banging me. Grunters for me produce
the most arousing noises in bed. Sadly, not all men are
grunters. Some of them are really shy and quietwhich is
a big no-no for me. I feel like Im having sex with a corpse,
nakakaloka!
J AHZ I E L
Tama si Abbyguys, dont be shy. Ako, saktong panting
and heavy breathing lang while saying, Oh yeah! Yes!
Yes! or Faster, faster! Tapos pag mag-ka-cum na ako:
Oh my god, oh my god!
ARE YOU LISTENING CLOSELY?
PHOTOGRAPHY:
E J AY L E UNG
OF MI DNI GHT BONKE RS
STYL I NG: DE BRA BE RNAL E S
MAKE UP: J ANI NA DI Z ON
HAI R: GE ORM I MPE RI AL
Whether its in the bedroom or at the beach, our columnists agree:
mating noises are hot. What kind of noises? Abby and Jahziel specify
L OUNGE MASTER DEBATERS
WHAT JAHZI EL WANTS TO HEAR
Guys aski ng questi ons
I love it when my man asks questions while having sex.
It really turns me on! Yung mga barubal moments like
Malaki ba? Kaya ba to ng iba? Yung mga ganun!
Haaaysarap! Ha ha!
Throaty noi ses
I love deep throat sounds! Or yung tunog ng medyo na-
cho-choke na ako! Oh my god! Compliment yan sa guy
because it means ganado ako at gusto ko siya enough
para um-effort.
Doggy sounds
Yung ok ok ok! Ha ha ha! The do-me-from-behind-
sound. Or simply, the dog-style sound! Im sure narinig
niyo na rin yan! Try it, guys! Mas malakas yung
sound, mas intense!
Exi t sounds
Yung line na Im coming! So simple and so powerful!
Telling him Im about to orgasm and vice versa is
the ultimate para sa akin. Hindi mo lang ginagawa,
sinisigaw mo pa!
WHAT ABBY LI KES TO HEAR
Groani ng
I want to know how bad you want me, and when you
groan and grumble like Spartacus between thrusts, it
drives me crazy and encourages me to perform better.
Feeling ko ang sarap sarap ko! Ha ha!
The sl ushy
Slushy sounds of penis and vaginal juices are music to
my ears. Add that to our moans, kahit wala nang rock
songs as background music, okay na!
Basi c di rty
Simple dirty talk like, Im gonna fuck you really
hard are huge turn-onspero dont overdo it, or it
sounds baduy and stupid. Dapat natural ang dating!
Not your phone
I welcome all kinds of noises in bedexcept your
cellphone. Nakaka-pressure at nakakatanggal ng mood
and momentum yung tunog ng calls and text messages.
I want your attention focused on me. In return, I
promise to make it worth your time!
ABBY
Wild moans are great, too, especially when Im giving
fellatio. It eliminates the guessing part of pleasuring you,
and guides me through your penis. Ayaw ko kasi nang
nanghuhula, so if youre not really vocal and you hate
dirty talk, at least man lang umungol ka whenever Im
hitting your sweet spots. I swear to God its going to make
me wet and really horny, ha ha ha!
J AHZ I E L
Basta ang bottomline di ka naman manonood ng porn
nang naka-mute yung audio di ba? I know meron akong
favorite noises na pandagdag-gana when Im having sex.
Ikaw, Abby?
CONFESSIONS
This months adventurous bunch: mountain climbers, taxi
riders, a family driver, and hard-training volley belles
LADIES
,
TEAMWORK!
I played for the volleyball team back in
high school. I was naturally siga and
boyish. Some girls even had a crush
on me back then, but I never really
thought I was bisexual or a lesbian until
I showered with our rookie member. She
was a transferee from another school,
and was half-Pinoy and half-Aussie.
While our other teammates showered
right after training, we were left in the
bleachers talking about our common
friend. After almost an hour, we decided
to shower in the locker room. Its not
new for me to shower with other girls,
but I just couldnt stop glancing at
hershe was tisay, slender, and had
plump breasts. I even joked that I liked
her nipples because they were pink. She
just laughed and naughtily grabbed
my boobs. I even shouted, Hoy! before
returning with a smack on her ass.
She tried to tickle me by embracing me
from the back so Id be helpless, but the
feel of her body against mine turned
me on. I faced her and kissed her. She
kissed back, and from there we started
fondling each others nipples and clits. I
couldnt resist her pink tits, so I sucked
them. We were nger-fucking each
other from under the shower to the
locker benches. I laid her down on one
of the benches and ate her shaved pussy.
I licked her up and down until she
asked for more nger-banging. It was a
good hour in the locker room until we
decided to just meet up at my house the
next day after training. It was my rst
time doing a girl, and I loved it!
Mikka Rose, by email
It was my
first time
doing a
girl, and I
loved it!
Al ways here
t o l i st en, l adi es! Keep
sendi ng your escapades t o
fhml adi esconfessi ons
@gmai l . com
AI N T NO MOUNTAI N HI GH ENOUGH
It was in July 2013 when a guy friend invited me to trek Mt.
Maculot. It was a Saturday morning when we started our way up
the mountain, and we were both hungover from a Friday night-out
with friends. While walking up the mountain, he kept on cracking
green jokes to keep us up and alert. In all fairness, he really made
me laugh, and somehow I found him cute and attractive because
of his humor. He even joked that sex on a mountain would be
great and exciting. I didnt shrug off the idea; I just gave him a
naughty smirk. For some reason, our kwentuhan led to sex stories
with our exes. It got us turned on and we were starting to hit
on each other. When we reached the Rockies by sunset, we let
HIS CINDERELLA STORY
My mom hired a family driver a few
years agolean, quite good-looking,
in his thirtieswho I initially didnt
like because he was not really the
friendly type. One night, when we got
home, I had to walk back to our garage
because I left my phone in the van. I
was shocked to see our driver casually
using my phone. When I walked closer,
I realized he was masturbating while
browsing through my bikini photos.
He caught me staring, but instead of
coming clean, he just said, Madam,
ang ganda at sexy mo pala talaga. I
the big group of mountaineers go ahead of us. We looked out
the area and it seemed clear, so he made me bend over, pulled
down my pants and undies, and rammed me from behind. My
guy friends dick was hard and warm, so I didnt mind my pussy
getting cold since we were a hundred feet up the mountain. We
were on to our second round when we heard another group of
mountaineers walk past behind the bush we were hiding in. Some
mountaineers spotted us, which got us really embarrassed. We
hurriedly pulled up our pants and decided to just go down to the
camp. We continued the deed in my apartment. Too bad the inner
mountain lions in us didnt get past second round in Mt. Maculot.
Kreyzhee, via FHM.com.ph
dont know what got into me, but when
he reached for me, I just let him. He
started kissing my neck then slowly
reached for my breasts. When he
realized I was into him, too, he put my
hand on his cock then slowly leaned
me close to his hard-on. Next thing I
knew, I was giving our family driver
a blowjob! I could hear him softly
moaning as I sucked faster and harder.
It was my rst time to suck (and gag
on) what looked like an eight-incher. He
came in my mouth before I demanded
him to return the favor. We did it in
our garage, with me against the wall
while he did me doggy style. My pussy
was so wet, so it wasnt difcult for
him to get in my hole. Since then, we
would do it in our van every time we
were left alone in our house. We even
went to a motel one time, and he gave
me the best oral sex ever. Three months
into our shenanigans, I decided to call
it quits with my boyfriend. I realized
its a big deal when your partner cant
even make you moan in bed. Now Im
married to our then-driver with two
kids. Yes, quite his wild Cinderella
story, I guess.
Naomi, by email
BIYAHENG LANGIT
My boyfriend and I enjoy doing the
deed in public places. The possibility
of getting caught in the act excites
us and even boosts our sexual drive.
Weve done it in a room with his
friends, in a cinema, and even in a
balcony. But the best was when we
did it in a taxi. We were on our way
home from this family gathering in
Cubao, where we had a few glasses
of wine. While in the cab, I was
already kissing him on the lips,
licking his neck, and I even gave him
a hickey. I knew he was turned on,
too, so he asked me to move behind
the drivers seat so at least manong
driver wouldnt really see what were
doing back there. We kept kissing
torridly, then I started groping his
hard dick. I unzipped his pants and
gave him a hand job. I wanted him
inside me, but since manong driver
had been shooting glances at us on
the rear view mirror, I decided to
just let my boyfriend play with my
clit. He nger-fucked me while I was
grabbing his hands, gesturing to
fuck me harder. I let my boyfriend
fuck me with four ngers! It really
felt good, but I was bitin that I was
not able to ride him all the way.
Before we got home, I gave him head.
I went up and down his joystick,
working my mouth from his head
down until he squirted on my face.
It was literally a joy ride! When we
paid the driver, he rolled his eyes and
said, Diyan na nga lang kayo! His
seat covers probably were really wet.
Miss Taxi, by email
LOUNGE CONFESSI ONS
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Phil Younghusband
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The ZX is the ultimate in making a
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For football ace
JamesYounghusband,
its all about condence
and attitude. Picking out
clothes and getting dressed
are one thing, but the key
to looking good is about
believing that you can.
Style, for James, is as much
about the way you carry
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clothes.
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Basketball star
ChrisTiucleans up
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tough. Chris style walks
the line between his
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AnneCurtisdoesnt
restrict herself to a
single style. As long as
shes comfortable in her
clothes, shell switch it
up as she pleases. Anne
knows that originality
means getting dressed
in what you really feel
like wearing and being
free to choose and
change when you
please.
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S H E I S S O
SE E I NG MA RI A N RI V E RA A T 5 : 3 0 A . M.
SHE I N A GOSSA ME R WHI T E SHI RT A ND
SP ORT I NG A BA RE L Y MA DE - UP , A L MOST
F RE SH- OUT - OF - BE D L OOK ONE COUL D
SA Y I T S A S GOOD A S WA K I NG UP NE X T
T O T HE SE X I E ST WOMA N I N T HE L A ND
PHOT OGRAPHY: MA RK NI CDA O I NT E RVI E W: A L E X C. P A I T A
ST YL I NG: L I Z UY
MAKE UP AND HAI R: K RI ST BA NSUE L O
SPE CI AL T HANKS T O MR. MI K E T UV I E RA , RA MS DA V I D A ND
RA Y MOND A BA NI L L A OF T RI P L E A MA NA GE ME NT ; A L P HA L A ND
SHOT ON L OCAT I ON AT : BA L E SI N I SL A ND
B E A U T I F U L
Ther e she was, act i vel y par t i ci pat i ng i n an ear l y mor ni ng pr at t l i ng wi t h t he cr ew at t he pr i vat e hangar s
l ounge, as we al l wai t ed f or our 7 a. m. depar t ur e t o Bal esi n I sl and* .
E ar l y cal l t i mes l i ke t hi s never f ai l t o open our mi nds up t o vi t al l i f e l essons ( Shoul d ve st opped
at t wo bot t l es l ast ni ght ; Cof f ee makes ever yt hi ng possi bl e ) , but t hi s t i me we l i ved by one absol ut e
t r ut h: Ang ganda pal a t al aga ni ya.
Mar i an, sans t he wor ki ngs of our st yl i ng cr ew, was gl owi ng i n her bagong gi si ng al abast er ski n. We
coul d ve shot her f or t he cover r i ght t her e and t hen, and bel i eve us, we st i l l coul d ve kept our j obs.
The cal l t i me at t he hangar , by t he way, was 6 a. m. , one hour bef or e our f l i ght . Mar i an got t her e at
ar ound 5, way ahead of ever ybody. And t hi s i s ex act l y why she st ays ahead of ever yone el se.
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We just wrapped up the fastest out-
of-town shoot in FHM history! Its
our rst time to travel 95 air miles
for a one-day shoot. How about you?
We bet sanay ka nang magpa-ano
Magpa-ano? Ha ha!
Magpalipat-lipat ng lugar in very
short periods of timeunlike us,
were such noobs!
Oo naman. My line of work requires
me to move from one location to
another. Pero lahat matagal. Parang
wala akong napuntahang isang lugar
na one day lang ako dun. You turned
a part of the beach front into a
dressing roomsomething we didnt
really expect from a star of your
caliber.
Kailangan mabilis, so pag shoot
talaga ready ako sa ganyan. Kahit
saan puwedeng magbihis basta may
talukbong!
Considering youre the Marian
Rivera, whats the most public place
that you frequent?
Mall! Ha ha ha! Rockwell.
Do you put on a disguisea fake
mole or a blonde wig perhapsto
confuse your A-list fans?
Not really. I just try to be myself. Iba
naman kasi ang soap opera, ibat-iba
yung character na ginagampanan mo.
Pero sa totoong buhay, relax lang.
People can see on Instagram
@therealmarian how Im like off-cam,
kasi mahilig akong mag-post lalo na
kapag kasama ko yung lola ko tsaka
mama ko, whenever we travel or just
dine together. Ayan, naka-post yan sa
Instagram.
Oh yeah, you do have Instagram now!
Oo, at rst time kong magkaron ng
social media. This is where I open
myself up to show people kung sino ba
talaga si Marian Rivera. Para malaman
naman nilang hindi puro showbiz life.
Ito yung buhay ko sa likod ng camera.
But you still arent on Twitter. Why?
Ayaw ko, okay na ako sa Instagram. I
wont be able to manage more than one
account. And I like Instagram because
I feel in control of things. And I like
expressing myself through pictures
kasi mahilig akong mag-collage,
mahilig ako sa scrapbook, so mas na-a-
appreciate ko siya.
Way before you had your own
Instagram account, there had been
too many hacks posing as you on
social media. Does that enrage you?
Ive said this before: Its okay to use
my name, or for someone to pose as
me. Ang ayaw ko lang ay yung sa
mga pangalan na ginagamit nila ay
nakakasakit sila ng ibang tao. As long
as they dont hurt anyone, Im ne
with it. Wag lang silang makakasakit.
Its nice to picture you tinkering
with your smartphone and making
collages just like a regular gal. What
other normal people stuff do you do
in your free time?
Mahilig akong magluto, mahilig
akong mag-bake, nagpe-paint ako, at
mahilig akong manood ng cartoons!
Are you not scared of getting mobbed
by fans anymore?
Not anymore. I can handle it. Sabi
ko nga okay lang lapitan, okay lang
magpa-picture, okay lang magpa-
autograph, wag lang akong sasaktan.
Kasi di ba, siyempre, tao ka lang, pag
nasasaktan ka magre-react ka talaga.
What are the things they do to hurt you?
Kinukurot, hinahatak yung buhok, ha
ha! Mga ganun.
Thats insane!
Siguro natutuwa sila, hindi
nila mapigilan yung sarili nila.
Naiintindihan ko naman pero wag
lang talaga yung sobra.
Its the rst time we saw you at
5:30 a.m., looking fresh out of bed.
Or were you actually wearing
something on your face? Because we
thought, ang ganda mo pala talaga
[blushes] Ha ha! Napa-ganun talaga.
Mukha ba akong naka-makeup
nun, sobrang puting-puti nga yung
mukha ko.
Also, we were observing you on
the plane on the way to Balesin.
You did seem more at ease this
time.
Oo naman, kasi the rst time
I won the Sexiest Woman title,
parang Marimar pa yata yung
ginamit ninyong picture nun.
Tapos binigyan ako ng chance na
mag-pose sa FHM. Although I was
condent and felt I was ready
nagwo-work out naman akoI still
wasnt used to posing in a bikini. So
bilang may nangyari nang pictorial
na ganyanhindi naman sa
nasanaypero siguro mas lumakas
lang yung loob kong gawin dahil
mas malaki na yung tiwala ko sa
sarili ko.
You had your earphones on half
the duration of the ight. What
were you listening to?
Yung type of music ko iba, depende
sa mood. Kanina, Only Wanna
Be With You, by Hootie and the
Blowsh.
Is that your pre-game song, to get
you pumped up for the shoot?
Hindi naman. Masaya eh, parang
relaxed lang. Pero depende talaga sa
mood ko. Minsan old songs na love
songs, minsan hip-hop.
We remember your rst time with
us, we couldnt get anywhere
near you. But now you seem more
approachable; you talk more to
people.
Siguro bilang second time ko na ito,
and I know how you guys work. Mas
masarap makipagtrabaho nang walang
wall, mas transparent ka na sa kung
ano yung gusto at ayaw mong gawin.
Very amenable naman ang FHM sa mga
gusto kong gawin.
Wow, do you like us now?
Hindi naman ako magsu-shoot nang
ganun kung hindi ako nagtitiwala at
hindi ko kayo gusto!
We really thought nakatsamba lang
kami, but here you are proving us wrong.
Actually yun ang sinabi ninyo, but no,
here I am again! Ibig sabihin malaki
ang tiwala ko sa FHM dahil sa past na
ginawa kong ngayon ay ginawa ko ulit.
What did we do right to deserve this?
Well, I told you I didnt want you to
take behind the scene photos kasi
nako-conscious ako, and you listened
to me. With regard to the concept, you
gave me the makeup artist, stylist,
and photographer I wanted. Walang
dahilang mag-attitude ka, kumbaga
nag-meet halfway tayo na pinagbigyan
ninyo ako, pinagbigyan ko kayo to
produce the best possible outcome.
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Does this mean talks about your
third FHM cover will be a breeze?
Oo naman. Tinanggap ko ulit itong
pangalawang pagkakataong mag-
shoot ako sa inyo dahil naniniwala
akong malaking event ito sa inyo dahil
anniversary ng FHM. Ayan, ako ulit.
Im happy that you keep me in mind
for your 14th anniversary. At balita
ko ay 22 pages daw ang gusto niyong
feature koang dami! Ha ha!
Its your issue! No one is more t to
headline our Bikini Heaven/summer
hotties special than you. Speaking
of which, you are so white. Are you
secretly scared of the sun?
Im not scared of getting dark, takot
lang akong magka-freckles kasi
tisay ako, so kapag naaarawan ako
nagkaka-freckles ako at nagsisimula
talaga sa ilong! Ang hirap tanggalin!
So maraming routine, kasi siyempre as
an actress, I have to take good care of
my skin. I admit, maarte talaga ako sa
skin ko.
Hindi ka umiitim?
Ahparang hindi naman ako umitim
kanina? Ha ha! Pula-pula lang, ganun.
But are you a beach person?
Before hindi masyado pero ngayon
gusto ko na siya.
Weve never seen you in Boracay or
Matabungkay. What secret beaches
do you go to?
Maldives, Amanpulo. Basta ang target
ko eh mapuntahan ang lahat ng
kagandahan ng Pilipinas. Ha ha!
Is the beach for relaxation or for
partying hard?
Mas gusto ko yung relax, tapos arte-
arte, swimming-swimming. More on
nakaupo lang siguro, iinom ng juice,
kakain, kasi mahilig akong kumain eh.
You never party at night?
Rarely. Im really a homebody. Siguro
magpa-party ako minsan lang pag
may event. Id rather stay at home,
or eat out, pero yung literal na party,
hindi ako ma-party na tao eh.
Say you were stuck on an island by
yourself. What are your survival
tactics?
Im very independent, and I believe
when youre independent, nothing is
impossible. Siguro pag na-stranded ako
ang una kong gagawin, gagawa muna
ako ng silong para makapagpahinga
ako. Kasi kung hahanap ako nang
hahanap ng pagkain, tapos wala
akong mahanap, at mapagod ako, wala
akong tutulugan. So mas magandang
mag-rest muna ako, get some energy,
after which I can go hunt for food.
So, on to your show, Carmela: Ang
Pinakamandang Babae sa Mundong
Ibabaw. Among all your shows, is
this the one with the most male
viewers?
Hindi naman, kasi yung Marimar
marami din namanyung Dyesebel,
Darna, Ang Babaeng Hinugot sa
Aking Tadyang, marami rin.
We read theres going to be more sexy
scenes. Please tell us this is true!
Siguro yung approach, lang kasi
si Carmela, sa slums siya nakatira
ehparang loose yung mga blouse
niya, medyo nakikita yung bra niya
na dedma lang siya. Some male
viewers may nd that very sexy, kasi
nakikitaan eh. For example, may rape
scene ako na nilaslas yung damit ko
so may konting ash na nakita, na
with bra.
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Can you say this the sexiest soap
youve done?
Marimar is very sexy; Dyesebel is
topless; Darna is two-piece. So mas
malala yung mga yun. Ano pa ba?
Hinugot sa Aking Tadyang is very
sexy din. Ang Amaya is topless din.
So marami.
Your two-time Sexiest woman win
is justied. We also read on PEP.ph
that you taught your male co-star in
Carmela to kiss?
Hindi naman nagturo, pero kasi
nararamdaman kong nate-tense siya.
Its our rst time to work together. So
since Im more experienced, been in
showbiz for a longer time, ako yung
mas matagal sa showbiz, siyempre
gusto ko siyang alalayan. Both of
us will benet from it. Magtuturuan
kami kung saan kami kumportableng
dalawa. I just make him feel its just
part of the job, and work is work.
We are awful kissers. Any tips on
how we can make it better? Do you
believe in tongue exercises?
Ay! Ha ha! Naniniwala kasi akong
pag mahal mo ang isang tao, hindi
mo kailangang turuan kung pano ka
niya hahalikan. That should come out
naturally.
A man is intimidated by you. What
do you do to make him more relaxed?
People know me for being transparent
in everything I say, feel, or do.
Wala akong wall. What you see is
what you get. So far naman, sa mga
nakakatrabaho ko wala pang hindi
panatag sa akin, lahat ginagawa kong
panatag sa akin para mas maayos
yung trabaho namin.
We salute you for that. You won
a Best Foreign Artist award in
Vietnam. How on earth did you
reach Vietnam?
Some of GMA-7s shows are sold
overseasits all over Cambodia,
Vietnam, Africa, etc. It happened
that two of my shows are being
shown in Vietnam, and I feel lucky
that the Vietnamese viewers have
come to like me. Binigyan ako
ng chance na pumunta dun para
makapag-guesting sa show nila.
Mainit yung pagtanggap sa akin
dun. Eh merong voting na nangyari.
Natutuwa akong nanalo ako, na
binoto nila ako.
Speaking of fans, we hear you
talking a while ago about how the
fanaticism here is crazy. Can you
tell us more?
Parati kong sinasabing ang artista,
kahit anong galing, kahit anong
ganda, kung walang mga taong
nagmamahal sa kanila at fans na
magpu-push sa kanila pataas, I dont
think theyd be successful. You owe
it to your fans why more people love
you kasi sila yung nandyan para
ipagtanggol ka, para ipagmalaki
ka kung anong kakayahan mo.
Im lucky that I have a fans club na
sobra-sobrang magmahal sa akin.
Siguro yun yung isa sa pasasalamat
ko sa Diyos na itong mga fans na
ito, sa hirap at ginhawa, sa saya
man o hindi, nandiyan sila para sa
akin.
The 100 Sexiest campaign season
starts in two months. If you take
the top spot again, its going to
be your third timeand our rst
time to have a three-time Sexiest
woman. This is history in the
making. Ever thought of that?
Ha ha ha! Basta ginawa ko itong
pictorial para sa lahat ng nagtitiwala
sa akin, pero #aja [Korean for ght!
-Ed] Ha ha ha!
Well then, thanks for making
history with us!
Thank you! Ha ha! FHM
T h e a p p r o a c h
It depends. First of all, make sure
shes single. Ha ha! Be sensitive. Kasi
malay mo, kasama niya yung boyfriend
niya tapos magtatanong ka, parang
unethical naman yata.
I f s h e s p a r t o f a n a l l -
g i r l g r o u p . . .
Approach her in a nice way na
hindi mayabang. Kung gusto mo
lang makipag-kaibigan, wala naman
sigurong masama.
Ho w t o ma k e s u r e s h e
d o e s n t h a v e a b a t a k
n a b a n g k e r o f o r a
b o y f r i e n d
Siguro observe mo muna, kilalanin mo
muna kahit konti lang...
Da n g e r s i g n s t o wa t c h
o u t f o r
Naniniwala naman akong kung ang
isang babae ay may kasamang
boyfriend sa beach, malamang kadikit
niya yun at nagho-holding hands sila.
So dun pa lang makikita mo na: Ay,
taken siya. Bilang taken siya, ipasok mo
ang respeto sa kapwa mo.
M A R I A N S F O U R - P O I N T G U I D E T O
P U L L I N G A G I R L O N T H E B E A C H
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IL
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T HE SI T UAT I ON:
Youre at the U.S. Embassy applying
for a visa for the fourth time, but the
immigration ofcer is giving you a hard
time even though youve brought all
the necessary documents. Worse, hes
acting like a total douche.
YOUR USUAL RE SPONSE :
You feel prejudiced, but you keep your
grief all to yourself. Guess that Vegas trip
wont happen after all.
GANGST E R- ACT I ON- HE RO
RE SPONSE :
Calm and composed, you politely ask
for your documents back. As soon as
he leans over to hand your papers, you
grab his necktie and pull it toward your
direction, slamming his head on the glass
T HE SI T UAT I ON:
A big bruiser of a dude swoops in to take
what was clearly your turn to be served at
the bar.
Youll stare straight ahead as if nothing
unpleasant has transpired, but youre
obviously fuming mad deep inside.
ACT I ON- HE RO RE SPONSE :
When the bartender slides a bottle toward
his direction, you grab it and engage him
in a staring contest. You allow yourself to
get hit once just so you could tumble at a
nearby table and give the ladies a wink. You
gain leverage by grabbing his belt buckle,
followed by a kick to his ballsack. As he
grimaces in pain, you thud him toward your
bouncer buddy Bonel, who throws him out
of the bar. Riding the glory, you grab the
saxophone from the showband to play a
kick-ass rendition of Timmy Cruzs Boy.
window in the process. With his face
pressed against the glass, you whisper
the following in his ear: Look, ofcer. I
dont want to have to do this, but youre
giving me a hard time. And I dont like it.
Not one bit. Youre the only one standing
in my way, and between you and me, I
am this close to losing my shit. Believe
me when I tell you that you do not want
that to happen. You do not want that on
your conscience. Because I know you
got kids at home, and they love you very
much, and I dont want to have to take
their daddy away from them. Now heres
what I need you to do: I need you to do
your fucking job for once and grant me
that visa, all right? Just sign the fucking
papers and Ill be on my way. Okay,
pumpkin? Clearly intimidated, he does
what hes told.
SNAPPY ONE L I NE R T O F I NI SH ON:
SNAPPY ONE L I NE R T O
F I NI SH ON:
PATI BATAS BINABOY MO. PINUNO
MO NA ANG SALOP, OFFICER.
MALAPIT NA KITANG KALUSIN
KUNG KAYO LANG ANG
MAGIGING KAIBIGAN KO,
BIBILI NA LANG AKO NG ASO
B
A
R
Q
U
E
U
E
K
U
P
A
L
P
O
W
E
R
T
R
I
P
P
I
N
G
82 FHM MARCH 2014
T HE SI T UAT I ON:
Your shady third cousin, who
owes you a couple of grand,
wont answer your calls, and
youre pretty sure youve been
scammed.
YOUR USUAL
RE SPONSE :
You want to let it go because
hes family, but dammit, you cant
believe people still do that.
GANGST E R- ACT I ON-
HE RO RE SPONSE :
You drive down to an old empty
warehouse to have a rendezvous
with a gang of con men.
One last job, and we go our
separate ways, you tell them.
T HE SI T UAT I ON:
Youre on a packed bus. Behind you, a
scowling teenager in a hoodie is blasting
distorted drum n bass out of his phone at
ear-kning volume.
You keep on waiting for someone to stand
up and retort on everyone elses behalf, but
much like yourself, theyre all just as weak-
willed as you are.
If youre going to burn your ears out, might
as well be courtesy of that kids ghastly
screams. Poke the conductor in the eye,
yank the bus driver from his seat, and take
control of the wheel. Now push the vehicle
to its limits and beyond: drift around corners,
jump off skyways, overtake other vehicles at
record speed, and screech the tires until the
bus gives out. With a lot of torque, the bus
will miraculously collapse inches away from
the old lady trying to cross the road. You hear
nothing but silencethis means the punks
learned his lessonbut you do smell the stink
of poop, and its coming from his pants.
R
E
P
O
M
E
N
Your right-hand man Efren
tracks the target down and
takes photographs of him in a
casinothat elusive bastards
been living the life after all.
Carmen, who is equal parts
beauty and brains, irts with him
from the blackjack table and
leaves her hotel room key card
on the coaster. Guess wholl be
smacking him in the head when
he steps inside? Thatll be
Tonyo, the muscle of the group.
He wakes up ve minutes
later and sees you sitting on a
ipped chair, looking dapper
alongside the rest of the gang.
Without a ght, he pays back
the money he owes youplus
interest.
SNAPPY ONE L I NE R
T O F I NI SH ON:
GAGAWIN KONG
ALKANSYA NG BALA YANG
BAO NG ULO MO
HINDI AKO MATAPANG.
DUWAG KA LANG
H
E
L
L
B
U
S
P
H
O
N
E
WHAT WOULD ASIONG SALONGA DO?
T HE SI T UAT I ON:
It has been a terrible day, but you know
everythings going to be okay once you get a
hold of that late-night quarter pounder. Except
the fast-food crew tells you: Ser, not available
na po yung order natin.
You briey express your disappointmentas if
its her faultand order something else anyway.
RE SPONSE :
Your boisterous partner-in-crime, Victor, jumps
in to nd out whats taking you so long. He calls
you a diva and warns the lady crew about your
short fuse and arbitrary nervous breakdowns.
You retaliate by letting everyone know that
Kahit anong
oras, kahit
saang lugar,
dala ko ang
bayag ko
Victor is a crazy S.O.B. who belongs in the
premises of Muntinlupa City Jail. He bounces
back by spilling the beans on your crooked past
as a small-time hit man. You make it personal
by saying that he will never be good enough
for your sister Elena, which pisses him off to a
great extent. You point your guns at each other
and the place empties out in an instant. But just
when a shootout is about to take place, you
both shift your attention to the lady crew, who
nervously blurts out: Ay, ser, meron pa pala
nung order niyo! You and your partner walk
back to the police car, burgers in hand.
SNAPPY ONE - L I NE R T O F I NI SH ON:
KUNG MAY RANGGO ANG
MGA TANGA, HENERAL KA
F
A
S
T
-
F
O
O
D
F
I
G
H
T
SNAPPY ONE - L I NE R
T O F I NI SH ON:
T HE SI T UAT I ON:
Youre trying to enjoy the movie,
but the loudmouths seated two
rows behind you cant stop
talking about what they think
is going to happen in the next
scene.
YOUR USUAL
RE SPONSE :
You roll your eyes and tough it
out until the movie wraps up.
And then you give them the crazy
eye when the lights go back up.
GANGST E R- ACT I ON-
HE RO RE SPONSE :
You proceed upstairs to take
out the projectionist with
your formalin-soaked hanky
and assume your position
right in front of the projector
the audience should see a
humongous silhouette of yourself
on the big screen. Theyve left
you with no choice but to hold
the lm reel ransom until the
jackasses on the back row shut
their traps. Surrender without
force when the mall cops come
in, and enjoy the audience
applause as they drag you out of
the Cineplex. Congratulations,
youve sacriced yourself for the
greater good.
C
I
N
E
M
A
S
S
A
C
R
E
T HE SI T UAT I ON:
You have a massive crush on the new girl at work, but she has a strict
zero-ofce romance policy. She also thinks there are no cute guys in the
ofce at all.
You act like you dont give a damn, but youre totally
devastated deep inside. Oh, God, it hurts so bad.
RE SPONSE :
You hear the resident ofce scumbag, Vergel, tell his mates about how he
plans to bed the new girl after one date. You respectfully ask Vergel to step
back, but he takes a swing at you instead. You retaliate with a jab, another
jab, and several more jabs after that, before you nish him off with a haymaker.
The new girl tends to your wounda cool-looking gash in your cheekwith
cotton balls. And then, after what seems like an eternity of uninterrupted eye
contact, chest panting, and heavy breathing, you nally lock lips.
T HE SI T UAT I ON:
While borrowing your phone to check her emails, your
girlfriend stumbles upon a text message from your ex-
ame, whom you replied to with a smiling emoticon.
She raises her eyebrowsyou know
youre fucked.
YOUR USUAL
RE SPONSE :
You go cold all over, then stammer
out, Ah, eh, ano yanwala
nangangamusta lang. Basta. Ha
ha!Labyu This does not
appease her.
Hop into your owner-type jeep, drive a hundred miles
up north, and never look back. Start a new life as
a sharecropper, and slowly but surely, you earn a
probinsiyana lasss trustand her love. If anyone ever
comes asking for you, respond with: Matagal na siyang
patay. Huwag mo nang hanapin ang taong lumagay
na sa tahimik.
SNAPPY ONE L I NE R
T O F I NI SH ON:
Taas na nga
kamay ko
sayo , mahal
na nga yata
kita. Maging
sino ka man
TRABAHO LANG ITO,
WALANG PERSONALAN
O
F
F
I
C
E
t
e
x
t
f
r
o
m
R
O
M
A
N
C
E
t
h
e
e
x
THE PRI CE O
RI T E OF PASSAGE
Unless youre Jewish,
youll probably undergo
this minor operation.
Being foreskin-free allows
your nether regions to
be hygienic (and free
from amoy-kulob) for
future man-approved
kinkiness. Nangangamatis:
guaranteed!
F AST AND F URI OUS
Because having a driver is for
rich grandmas
L OSE YOUR V- CARD
Visit your friendly neighborhood
sauna. Risky in terms of health
safety (read: STD), so dont
forget to wear rubber.
HI GHE R L E ARNI NG
Since most men need a job to
dene them, youll most likely
need a college degree.
T HE HARD WAY
Try losing your virginity through
a legit date. Play your cards
right, wine her, dine her, and
you might just get lucky.
DRI NKS: ON YOU!
Or better yet, the testosterone
version of a debutthe rockin
21st birthday.
I SKUL BUKOL
A primary and secondary
education could ensure a
brighter tomorrowunless
you decide to cut class and
screw graduation.
P2,500- P5,000
TULI
GRADE SCHOOL
SCHOOL
HIGH
P40,000 x 6 years
P40,000
x 4 years
DRIVERS LICENSE
P585.26
A
G
E
0
-
1
8
A
G
E
1
9
-
2
5
How much must one spend on the road to becoming
SPAKOL
P1,200-
P1,800
P1,000 + P500
+P60
DINNER + MOVIE + PACK OF CONDOMS
P40, 000
X 4 YEARS
COLLEGE
DRINKS + PULUTAN
P3,000
F MANHOOD
HOT WHE E L S
Assuming you opt for a
subcompact sedan like the
Toyota Vios
PUT A RI NG ON I T
The culmination of you and
your girls coupling will entail
preparations and a party for
you and your best buds
GRE AT E R PURPOSE
Having your spawn pulled out
of your woman is not cheap.
Evolution: quite pricey.
MAN- CAVE
A king has got to have a
castle (or some semblance
of it, at least)
YOUR T I ME T O PAY
When evolution leads to
history repeating itself
DRE SS L I KE
A MAN
Feel like a stud in your rst
set of fancy digs.
A
G
E
2
6
+
a full-fledged man? An ass-load, it appears
GRADE COLLEGE
HIGH
SCHOOL
SCHOOL
P40,000 x 6 years
P40,000
x6years P40,000x 5years
FIRST REAL
FIRST
CAR
HOUSE
CONDO
SUIT P10,000
P700,000 P3.5 million
P1 million
- P2 million
GETTING MARRIED P500,000
BACHELOR
PARTY
P30,000
ENGAGEMENT RING P40,000
BECOMING
A DADP60,000
SENDING YOUR KID TO SCHOOL
*P3 MILLION
GRAND TOTAL OF YOUR MANHOOD
WORDS: ANTON D. UMALI
*
T
H
I
S
I
S
A
R
O
U
N
D
E
D
-
O
F
F
R
O
U
G
H
E
S
T
I
M
A
T
E
O
F
T
H
E
S
U
M
O
F
Y
O
U
R
M
A
N
H
O
O
D
.
B
I
T
C
H
I
N
G
L
Y
E
X
P
E
N
S
I
V
E
?
W
E
K
N
O
W
.
FI RST YOU GOTTA PUT YOUR NECK I NTO I T
DON T STOP, JUST DO I T, DO I T
THEN, YOU ROLL YOUR TONGUE
FROM THE CRACK BACK TO THE FRONT
THEN YOU SUCK I T ALL TI L I SHAKE
AND CUM, NI GGA
MAKE SURE I KEEP BUSTI NG NUTS, NI GGA
ALL OVER YOUR FACE AND STUFF
I LL TAKE YOU TO THE
CANDY SHOP
I LL LET YOU LI CK
THE LOLLI POP
GO HEAD GI RL
DON T YOU STOP
KEEP GOI NG TI L YOU
HI T THE SPOT, WHOA
IM TOO SWIFT ON MY
TOES TO GET CAUGHT UP
WITH YOU HOES
BUT SEE IT AINT NO FUN
IF MY HOMIES CANT GET A
TASTE OF IT
CAUSE YOU KNOW I DONT
LOVE EM
K H I A
5 0 C E N T L U D A C R I S
S N O O P D O G G
F A B O L O U S
F E A T . N E - Y O
MY NECK, MY BACK
SPLASH
MAKI N
LOVE
WATERFALLS
AINT NO
FUN
She wants you to blow her
and she wants to cum on
your face, says Ana. While
your lady may be thrilled
at the thought, she makes
no mention about returning
the favor. However, Ana
notes: Not allin fact, not
manywomen want to have
you cum on their face. In
truth, most of the time, she
ghts back gag reex and
may not like how you taste.
Even with the medicinal
benets of spermgood
skin, yada yada yadathis
money shot is a scene
best played out on a
porn set, not in your
bedroom. Trust me, this is
something you dont want
to try without asking her
or talking about it with her.
Good 101 info on a blow
job, though, Ill give you
that much.
THEY WANT IT
NICE AND SLOW,
KISS EM FROM
HEAD TO TOE
RELAX AND LET IT
GOSAY IT (MAKE
LOVE TO ME)
THEY WANT IT
NOW AND FAST,
GRABBIN AND
SMACKIN ASS
YOU GOTTA MAKE
IT LASTWHAT?
(FUCK, MEEE!)
Like it or not, you gotta
listen to Ludacris on this
one! exclaims Chanel.
Girls love it nice and
slow at the beginning,
but eventually, when the
oven is hot, and the pan
is greased, youd want to
stick in that baguette and
start cooking!
Dude, a woman will
always try to look her
best, says Chanel, and
usually its not only to
please you. If you are man
enough to tell her that you
want them as they are in
the bedroom, then
congratulations!
Comfort is one
of the keys
to great
sex!
YOU CAN LEAVE YOUR
HAIR IN A MESS,
DONT EVEN GET
DRESSED
TONIGHT WE
MAKIN LOVE
Fiddys message is clear: Make me cum and dont stop,
says Ana. But what spot is he talking about, you ask?
Positively its the frenulum, that thin slab of skin under
the head that connects the head to the foreskin. Now, to
keep her coming back to your candy shop, just follow
these washing instructions: Always use warm water and
mild soap; pay special attention to the singit, the area
under your balls, and the pubes; avoid using powder and
deodorant no matter how tempted you may be. No self-
respecting woman likes a smegma-avored lollipop.
Gang bang? says Ana.
There are laws against
that. Just saying.
(I F THE HOMI ES CAN T HAVE NONE)
Panel of Experts
ARRA PASCUAL
FHM Girlfriend,
Pioneer DJ Philippines
Brand Ambassador,
and Chill Skybars
Resident DJ. Twitter:
@arrapascual
Facebook: Facebook.
com/ArraPascual
ANA P. SANTOS
Sex columnist,
award-winning public
health journalist,
and founder of www.
sexandsensibilities.
com
Twitter: @dash_
of_sas
CHANEL LATORRE
FHM Babe, sensuality
expert, Clickthecity.
coms Best Actress/
Indie Princess for
2013
Facebook: Facebook.
com/chanel-latorre
WANT TO GIVE YOUR GIRL SOME A-CLASS THUG LOVIN? LET OUR LADY EXPERTS
CANDYSH
YOURE WEAK ON TOP, YOU CANT RIDE LIKE A STALLION
HIT IT FROM THE BACK, THEN IM AUDI 5000
BUT IF YOURE ILL WE CAN CHILL SMOKE THE FAT PHIL
A LITTLE SOMETHIN JUST TO MAKE SHIT REAL
L I L K I M F E A T . 5 0 C E N T
M O B B D E E P
P U B L I C
A N N O U N C E M E N T
T IT FRO
THE BAC
BUMPIN
DOIN IT
BODY
MAGIC
STICK
I GOT THE MAGIC CLIT
I KNOW IF I GET
LICKED ONCE,
I GET LICKED TWICE
Ana says this could only
be about one thing:
Prostitution, or the more
literary allusion Im using in
another article Im working
on: negotiable affection.
Ive talked to enough
men to know why they
would much rather pay
for the convenience. Use
condoms.
MILKSHAKE
MY MILKSHAKE BRINGS
ALL THE BOYS TO THE
YARD
AND THEYRE, LIKE, ITS
BETTER THAN YOURS
DAMN RIGHT, ITS
BETTER THAN YOURS
I COULD TEACH YOU,
BUT I HAVE TO CHARGE
[LL COOL J]
IM IN THE MIX NOW,
SEARCHING FOR THE RIGHT SPOT
TO HIT NOW, GET DOWN
[LESHAUN]
DAMN MY LOVER DIG DOWN,
YOU USE A RUBBER?
[LL COOL J]
DAMN RIGHT
[LESHAUN]
YOU ARE MY LOVER
Exploring the G-spot and
making love is fun, but dont
forget to use protection!
Chanel reiterates.
The infamous brothers tell it like it is, says DJ Arra. It
doesnt matter if your chick is on all fours or if shes on top;
her personality is the key difference between whether she
is treated like a queen or just another notch on the belt. If
shes a good conversationalist and has exceptionally strong
legs, shes a real keeper!
Never assume a girl
wants to have sex with you
because shes dressed a
certain way or has even
made out with you, or even
had sex with you before,
warns Ana. Consent is
never assumed. One of
my favorite sex lessons is
from Friends with Benets.
Mila Kunis and Justin
Timberlake had sex before
and were FuBus, but
when Mila wasnt in the
mood for some bump and
grind, Justin knew better
not to force it. He tried
by dancing and prancing,
but understood when he
needed to take no for
an answer. Thats the
difference between a man
and a plain sleazy prick.
The former knows when
its best to keep his prick
zipped.
IM-A GRANT YOUR WISH
AND LET YOU KNOW
WHATS ON MY MIND
ITS ABOUT THAT TIME
THAT I HIT YOU FOR
SOME BUMP N GRIND
IM IN THE MOOD FOR
YOU, I WANNA FEEL
YOUR GROOVE, GIRL YOU
CAN CREEP A MOVE,
THEN LETS GO GET UP
ON A ROOM
MAKIN ME DO THINGS
THAT I NEVER DID
BEFORE
L L C O O L J
K E L I S
My girlfriends tell me its a rarity, says Arra, but if you
acquire a good tongue game, rest assured the ladies
will be begging you to come over again. Consider it your
golden ticket!
f
r
o
m
TAKE YOU TO SCHOOL WITH THE HELP OF THESE WICKED RHYMES WORDS: ALEX C. PAITA
S I L K
2 P A C
G - U N I T
FREAK
TEMPTATIONS
PLAY
ME
LET ME LI CK YOU UP
AND DOWN
TI L YOU SAY STOP
LET ME PLAY WI TH
YOUR BODY BABY
MAKE YOU REAL HOT
LET ME DO ALL THE
THI NGS YOU WANT
ME TO DO
CUZ TONI GHT
BABY, I WANNA GET
FREAKY WI TH YOU
Theres something still
very arousing about the
way this song puts just
a bit out there to get you
going, but still leaves some
stuff to your imagination,
says Ana. The way
anticipation to sex should
be. Its not about talking
about what you can do,
more than doing it. Ask
a girlreally ask herif
shes happy with your
performance. Thats
why women practically
invented faking it.
N O T O R I O U S B . I . G . F E A T . R . K E L L Y
S A L T N P E P A
D A V I D B A N N E R
FUCK YOU
TONIGHT
REMEMBER WHEN I USED TO PLAY BETWEEN YOUR LEGS?
YOU BEGGED FOR ME TO STOP BECAUSE YOU KNOW
WHERE IT WOULD HEAD
STRAIGHT TO YOUR MOTHERS BED
YOU MUST BE USED TO ME SPENDING
AND ALL THAT SWEET WINING AND DINING
WELL, IM FUCKING YOU TONIGHT
AND EVEN
THOUGH IM
KNOWN FOR
MY ONE-NIGHT
STAND
I WANNA BE AN
HONEST MAN, BUT
TEMPTATIONS
GO...
FINGER-FUCK YOUR PUSSY LIKE YOU WANT SOME, GIRL
WORK IT LIKE A NIGGA STRAIGHT LICKING ON YOUR PEARL
I WANNA SEE YOU CUM IN THE MIDDLE
OF THE DANCE FLOOR
A NIGGA CANT FUCK, WHAT YOU THINK YOUR
FINGER MADE FOR IMA BEAT THAT PUSSY UP
YOU GET IT WET ENOUGH, I MIGHT LICK IT UP
LICKEY, LICKEY, LICKEY,
LIKE A PEPPERMINT SWIRL
LICK THAT CLIT
Youve been on a few movie dates, had a few romantic
dinnersand then The Day comes, Arra begins. It
doesnt matter if you have her weak in her knees from
your handy work. If you cant bring the action to a proper
placejust like Biggie recountsshes probably not going
to let you go the full nine yards. Try planning ahead. Make
sure the nal destination in is your own place, where youre
undisturbed and theres nobody else but the two of you.
LETS TALK ABOUT SEX FOR NOW TO THE PEOPLE AT HOME
OR IN THE CROWD
IT KEEPS COMING UP ANYHOW
DONT DECOY, AVOID, OR MAKE VOID THE TOPIC
CUZ THAT AINT GONNA STOP IT
Weve stressed this before: When it comes to trouble-free
jiggy between partners, communication is key. Be mature,
Chanel advises. Sex is a natural human activity, theres no
harm talking or educating people about it. You didnt like
it when she shoved a patola up your ass, did you? Then go
tell her
I understand that men are
just human beings, they
get tempted... a lot! says
Chanel.
Trust your man and
you will be a very happy
woman! says Arra.
IM STICKIN AND
MOVIN, CRUISIN AFTER
THE THIRD ROUND
JUST LAY BACK BABY
AND LET ME DRIVE YOU
CRAZY
I CAN MAKE A FORTY-
YEAR OLD FEEL LIKE A
YOUNG LADY
Foreplay shouldnt only
happen in the bedroom
when the lights are off; it
should start way earlier
than that. Be sneaky,
says Chanel. Brush your
hand against your girls
thighs and neck,
and whisper
dirty thoughts
while
youre still
in the club.
Satisfaction
comes with
persistent
pleasuring of
your woman.
TO KNOW YOU
WANNA GET
LETS TALK ABOUT SEX
If you are condent the
ladies involved here will
prefer your disco stick
to their lady harps, then
do it. A little warning,
though, says Arra. Girls
are by nature sensitive to
each other and this kind of
adventure may leave a guy
outside of their world.
I NEED A GIRL THAT I CAN
FREAK WIT,
AND WANNA TRY SHIT, AND
AINT SCARED OF A BIG DICK.
AND LOVE TO GET HER
PUSSY LICKED,
BY ANOTHER BITCH,
CUS I AINT DRUNK ENOUGH
TO DO THAT
BEAT DA PUSSY UP, BEAT DA PUSSY UP,
BEAT DA PUSSY UP, BEAT DA PUSSY UP, BEAT DA PUSSY UP,
BEAT DA PUSSY UP, BEAT DA PUSSY UP, BEAT DA PUSSY UP
M I S S Y E L L I O T T
F E A T U R I N G
L U D A C R I S
P E T E Y P A B L O
A K I N Y E L E
F E A T U R I N G
K I A J E F F R I E S
ONE-MINUTE MAN
FREEK-A-LEEK
T H E Y I N G - Y A N G T W I N S
DONT BE BITTER, I HEAR THAT HONEY RESEMBLES A CRITTER
HEARD SHE LIKES TO DO ONE-ONE MY MAN JOHN RITTER
BUT BACK TO THE SUBJECT YOU CANT CATCH WRECK
YOU MUST GET RESPECT TO EARN RESPECT
According to a study
made by Janssen Cilag
Asia Pacic, 20 percent
of Pinoy men aged 18-
35 suffer from premature
ejaculation. Guys must
always remember that
bursting the dam too early
is always disappointing!
says Chanel.
TONIGHT IMA GIVE IT TO YOU,
THROW IT TO YOU
I WANT YOU TO COME
PREPARED, OHHH YEAH (OH YES)
BOY ITS BEEN A LONG TIME, A
CRAZY LONG TIME
AND I DONT WANT NO MINUTE
MAN, AND THATS REAL
GIVE IT TO ME SOME MORE
I GET SPRUNG ONCE
I FEEL YOUR TONGUE
IN THE CRACK
OF MY ASS,
YES I NEED A NIGGA
GOIN OUT LIKE
THAT BOY
YOUR PACK IS SUCH
A TASTY TREAT
AND YOU CAN
EAT ME OUT
Anal sex, explains Ana,
is not gay sex. And this
song pretty much says
so, I think. Just remember
to use lots of lube for
anal sex. The anus does
not self-lubricate like the
vagina and is more prone
to tears or lesions when
penetrated. And always,
always use condoms
for anal sex. The rate of
transmission of sexually
transmitted infections is a
lot higher from anal sex vs.
vaginal sex for the reason
cited above.
SA PAJERO PA LANG,
PINAKIRAMDAMAN KO NA
INIT NG KANYANG HAPLOS AY
AKING DAMANG-DAMA
WAH, ANG LAMIG SA PAJERO,
NGUNIT SIYA Y HOT NA HOT
GILID NG AKING TENGA Y PILIT
N YANG KINAKAGAT
IN YOUR
BINIBINI
MOUTH
HOT SEX
WA I T ( T H E WH I S P E R S ONG )
Dont hate if she likes to get her friends in the mix because
Im certain its only going to spice things up for you, says
Arra. That being said, dont abuse her open-mindedness,
otherwise it might just backre. Adding another person to
the equation makes things seriously interestingbesides,
its most likely a fantasy of yours already.
Give your woman some power/dominance in bed, and
she will make you a very happy man! advises Chanel.
LOLLIPOP
L I L W A Y N E F E A T . S T A T I C
I GET HER ON TOP, SHE DROP IT LIKE IT S HOT
AND WHEN I M AT THE BOTTOM, SHE HILLARY RODHAM
THE MIDDLE OF THE BED, I M GIVING/GETTING HEAD
I M GIVING/GETTING HEAD, I M GIVING/GETTING HEAD
I SAID, I LIKE THAT
A T R I B E C A L L E D Q U E S T
A N D R E W E .
Arra lets us in on a secret:
Straddling, on top, bottom, from
behind, in the showerwhatever you
choose, remember what they say: If
youre gonna do it, do it right.
Chanel relays some good news:
Women want sex as much as
men do! Just give your woman
some privacy and learn how to
read the signs.
The grim lesson we are learning from post-Yolanda Leyte: How do we rebuild a
WORDS: ALLAN P. HERNANDEZ WITH REPORTS FROM: PONG CASTILLO PROFILE PHOTO OF MR. PALAFOX BY PAUL MONDOK
city that has been leveled insanely at? The answer: Build ba k better, smarter
PHOTOS AND IMAGES COURTESY OF PALAFOX ASSOCIATES LIFTED
FROMTHE BOOK PALAFOX ASSOCIATES: THE FIRST TWENTY YEARS
The numbers still arent set in stone, but only
because the extent of the devastation is as yet
difcult to measure: the cost of rebuilding
after typhoon Yolanda, for Leyte and other
provinces affected, was rst estimated at
P350.9 billion, packaged in a government
program called the Reconstruction Assistance
on Yolanda (RAY). Almost half of it will be
for the shelter and resettlement of 10 million
people who lost their homes.
There is one other event that leveled us to the
ground beforeas in complete destructionand
it was man-made. In the nal moments of the
Japanese occupation of the Philippines in 1945,
Manila was laid to waste by bombs from both
the American liberation forces and the desperate
Japanese Imperial Army. Estimated number of
lives lost: 100,000. Estimated damage to public
property in 1940s money: $230 million. Gen.
Dwight Eisenhower, supreme commander of
the US Armed Forces, said we were the most
damaged city in the world, with the possible
exception of Warsaw [Poland].
We had a chance to rebuild then, but
looking at Manila now, we bungled it. We built
a Frankensprawl of disjointed parts, sewn
together in the wrong places. Now, at great
cost to life, limb, and property, we get another.
If we get Leyte right, wed have a blueprint for
survivaland for a city of the future.
How would the buildings look like?
What would your house look like? How do
we get around? FHM took a crash course in
architecture, urban planning, and future
shock-proong, sat with architect Felino
Jun Palafoxwho has been very vocal for
quite some time about the need to rebuild our
cities better and smarterfor his drawings,
to see how to go about this business of
reconstruction. We lay down a few
points, because Lord knows if Manila
goes down, its going to take a hell
of a lot of work to build from the
ground up...
build on higher ground
Its how we reacted when we were
primitive: something happens in the
lowlands, we run for the hills. So heres
a letdown to modern life: it worked. So the
obvious recourse for a submerged city would
have to be to build on higher ground. The Leyte
ood went as high as eight meters. So aside
from the 40 meter no-build zone, no habitable
rooms should be below the ood line, says
Palafox. So MMDA Chairman Atty. Francis
Tolentino wasnt kidding when he suggested
maybe we should move Manila to higher ground.
plan on top of a map that
shows how the earth breathes
and heaves
Just any elevated area wont do. What if the
ground underneath liquees at the rst hit of
a jackhammer? If you were right on top of a
fault line? That is why you plan your city on
top of a geohazard map with clear indication
of where the danger zones are. Our own Mines
and Geosciences Bureau has made headway
in mapping out the countrys areas of concern
and it should be every city planner to check
with the data before breaking ground. Manila
is among the top 10 ood-prone areas in the
country, so we shouldnt even be shocked
when the water comes rushing in. Theres also
a new, very tall condo along C-5, just right
across the street from the West Valley Fault
Line. Just saying.
buildings should be
aerodynamic
Yolandas winds reached a maximum speed of
350 kph. In Taiwan, their
tallest building, and the
second tallest in the world
after Burj Khalifa in Dubai,
was designed to withstand
winds of up to 215 kph. What
are we missing here? More
than a hundred kilometers
more of withstanding power.
Now it becomes clearer why
Leyte suffered much. The
question of what if it had been
Manila? Unthinkable if you
consider our shaky buildings.
So architect Palafox has
suggested that buildings
should be aerodynamic. A
good example would be the
Burj Khalifa itself: it rises
2,722 feet from desert sand
and tapers itself as it reaches
higher.
build deep, build
wide, build up
Still looking closer at the
Burj Khalifa, the totem to
human ambition is
a perfect example
of building deep,
building wide,
building up. To
get that high,
you need a wide
base. To get that
wide base, you
need to set it really
deep in the ground
so deep as though
a giant asteroid hit right
down. Architects call it the
aspect ratio, or height-to-base
dimension ratio. In effect, the
building is like an iceberg
what you see is huge, but
what you dont see under is
even more huge. We want to
see more of building up.
free up as much
space as possible
Architect Palafox says our
cities should have as much
space as possible, for many
reasons. We want more
green, breathing space. In
emergency situations, each
town and city should have
an evacuation area and each
person should have 2.5 sq m.
of living space or 10 hectares
for 100,000 people. Building
up means we free more space
on the ground and still
provide decent living for a
growing population. It also
means that when it oods,
we stay dry. Interestingly,
in an earthquake we have a
good chance. Palafox says
that a study conducted on
our disaster-preparedness
said that only two percent
BRAZILS CAPITAL IS
ACTUALLY BRASILIA,
NOT SAO PAOLO OR
RIO DE JANEIRO. ITS A
CITY IN THE HIGHLANDS
BUILT FROM SCRATCH.
VERY FAR FROM THE
BEACHES
E X I S T I N G
Ermitao Creek,
San Juan City
Comprehensive
Land Use Plan
And Draft Zoning
Ordinance
P R O P O S E D
Linear Park
PROPOSED MANI LA
SOUTH HARBOR
REDEVELOPMENT
F R O M T H E G R O U N D U P
of buildings in Manila will collapse in an
earthquake magnitude 8 or higher, but 40
percent of low structures will go down. But
if you still want to live in that sprawling
subdivision...
houses should stand on stilts
Its amazing how we forgot about this entirely.
Our bahay kubo stood on stilts, to let river
water rising pass safely under. You may live
in an ultra-modern white minimalist abode,
but this is still the Philippinescome a storm
surge or another Ondoy, your mod house will
be in utter ruin; those in houses on stilts will
look dreamily out their windows wondering
when it will be all over. Seriously, your house
doesnt have to be on stilts, but it makes
perfect sense to leave that rst oor space
alone and build higher.
or better yet, houses
should oat
A little after Ondoy in 2009, FHM did a one-
pager imagining a patent we would le for
a oating housereally just a shack with
oaters as base. We were half-joking, of
course. But turns out Palafox wasnt when his
architectural rm scribbled a few plans for
a oating house, with eerily similar ideas as
ours. Some of his designs featured a dock-like
house. Others looked like the oating villages
in Sulu. A few looked like they had pneumatic
foundations that raised the house as ground
water rose. If ever the time came when houses
could be bought in boxes at Handyman, the
oating house would be a perfect buy.
streets should swallow water
On most of our streets we have storm gutters,
in Kuala Lumpur they have the Stormwater
Management and
Road Tunnel
(SMART). It
was cited in a
United Nations
International
Strategy
for Disaster
Reduction
handbook for a
disaster-resilient
city. Its a
9.7- kilometer
long,
$514million
tunnel that has
three levels,
the lowest for
drainage and
the upper two
for road trafc.
It shunts oodwater from their business
district and keep it in the storage reservoir.
Since its launch in 2007 it has reportedly
averted seven ash oods. We have something
similar here: at Burgos Circle in Fort
Bonifacio, Taguig, theres an underground
oodwater impounding facility as big as a
ve-story building. There had been talk of a
government plan to build one at the Marikina
watershed, but nothing has come of it yet. So,
kanal pa rin tayo.
where we have streets that double as
palengke, structures will be built to house
shops downstairs and living spaces on the
second oor. In Marikina, the riverbank will
have the river still as the star, but an ofce-
residential cluster much like Eastwood and
Rockwell will also rise
T HRE E L E VE L S
The street level will have wider and more
dened sidewalks for pedestrians, cyclists,
and public transport
The second level will be interconnected
walkways for pedestrians, crucial in ood-
prone areas.
The third level will be integrated monorails
that connect to the MPT and LPT. FHM
also, streets should transform
into hospitals
In Marikina, theres a street at the back of the
Eulogio Amang Rodriguez Hospital called
Cirkulo Marikina. It didnt use to be there,
and didnt need to be, but they built it anyway.
On normal days its a fairly busy secondary
street and convenient parking space because
its wider than most Marikina streets. But if
you look at the markings on the pavement,
instead of usual road symbols you see words
like WARD, PHARMACY, EMERGENCY
written big enough to be seen from the air.
It turns out that the city planning ofce
envisioned it to be an extension of the hospital
when disaster strikes Marikina (as in Ondoy-
level oods or the Big Quake)in effect,
it would serve as ground zero for rescue
operations. But right now, its a street. Thats
smart mixed-use infrastructure for you.
ME GAL OPOL I S
Manila as the hub of economic activity will
spread out to Bulacan, Pampanga, Bataan,
Zambales, Cavite, Laguna, Batangas,
and as far as Quezon to maximize the
possibilities of our coastlines and economic
zones. Manila and Bataan will be linked by
an undersea tunnel.
RE VI VE D E ST E ROS
Esteros like the Estero de la Reina in
Escolta will be declogged and landscaped.
This will be the template lor the revival ol
other areas with fetid bodies of water
NE W URBANI SM
The new urbanism emphasizes walkability
and mixed use structures. So in areas
They say i f you bui l d i t they wi l l come. He hasn t yet, so no
one s comi ng. But someday soon we mi ght
the principle is
resilient design
This is the current byword
in architecture and
design circles. The idea is
rst to build to last, and
beautiful follows. You
build not only to protect
from the disasters that
have happened in the area,
but to build on worst-case
scenarios yet to happen. It
means building structures
that use less energy,
and can use renewable
energy. It works with
nature and not against
it. And probably the most
important, you can survive
in it.
T H I S I S P A L A F O X C I T Y
F R O M T H E G R O U N D U P
ARCHI TECT AND
URBAN PLANNER
FELI NO A.
PALAFOX, JR.
As fast as they come, the comic genius makes sure that each
of his characters can deliver the nastiest of punch lines that can etch
a lasting mark on your funny bones
Anak, kailangan bang punuin
mo ng hashtag bawat post mo
sa Instagram? Nag-post ka pa
kung mas marami pa ang hashtag
mo kesa sa picture mo. Ano to?
HASHTAGRAM?
ON SOCIAL MEDIA
ON FAULT-FINDING
ON MASTER-SERVANT RELATIONSHIPS
ON PERSEVERANCE
ON SALES TALK
MR. ASSIMO: Ay Buboy, Biyernes nga pala ngayon.
Andyan yung truck ng basura. Yung basura natin ha?
BOY: Ah, ilalabas ko po ang basura natin?
MR. ASSIMO: Tinatanong mo ako kung ilalabas mo
yung basura natin? Ay, wag mo ilabas! Ilagay mo sa
ref at baka masira. At kung may maglalabas, bakit
naman ikaw? Baka mapagod ka. Ako na lang.
Hiyang-hiya naman ako sayo no!
according to
Mr. Assimo, Bubble Gang
Aling Mary,
Bubble Gang
Doa Ina, Bubble Gang
Nagbebenta
ako ng
chicharon,
bente pesos
ang isa,
fifty pesos
ang dalawa.
Bibili? Hindi?
Kung gusto mo
kayoy maging
together, dapat
gumawa ka ng
paraan to get her.
Na-gets mo?
Tata Lino, Bubble Gang
Wag mo akong titihin
dahil kilala kita! Wala ka
ring alam kundi maniti
nang maniti! Puro ka
titi Puro ka titi.
Puro ka titi!
Cecilio Sasuman, Bubble Gang
COMPI LED BY: RON JAY EDUVAS
I LLUSTRATI ON: MARA NEPOMUCENO
ON #OOTDs
ON PEACE & ORDER
ON SELF IMPROVEMENT
ON BACK-STABBING
ON MOTHERHOOD
Tom Yan, Hindi Ako Bakla
Tinitira mo ako ng talikuran,
di mo ba alam
akoy nasasaktan?
Ayyyt!
Katahimikan!
Katahimikan!
MC Bits, Boy Pick-Up
Kung ayaw mo ng
nalalait, dapat sa iyo
nagdi-diet.
Tata Lino, Bubble Gang
Wag mo na
akong bigyan
ng dahilan
para i-deny
na anak kita.
Anong pagpi-
feeling yan?
Paki-explain?
Labyu.
Magkakaroon lang
ng pakialam ang
mga tao kapag nag-
post ka ng picture
ng wala kang suot!
ST YLI NG:
DE BRA BE RNALE S
MAKE UP:
AMANDA PADI LL A
F OR MAYBE LLI NE
HAI R:
RHOY CE RVANTE S
F OR L OREAL PROF E SSI ONNE L
SPE CI AL THANKS TO
MI CO GUTI E RREZ
PHOTOGRAPHY:
EJAY LE UNG
OF MI DNI GHT BONKE RS
I NTE RVI EW:
PONG CASTI LLO
Keep your summer A-game i n check
and FHM favori te Ni col e Al exandri a
mi ght j ust be wi l l i ng to go strol l i ng
on the shore wi th you
F H M S U M
M
E
R
H O T T I E S
DOING IT
RIGHT
104 FHM MARCH 2014 facebook.com/FHM.ph twitter.
It would be quite wrong (and a tad metrosexual)
to tell you, dear readers, that it wouldnt pay to
work your ass off in the gym for those Bora-
worthy absespecially if said toned torso may
warrant you the chance to take model Nicole
Alexandria for a stroll on the beach.
Tanned and toned guys who carry surfboards
are hot! she says, when asked about what kind
of beach bum she would most probably remove
her swimsuit for. If pumping iron and an ass-
load of crunches seem tedious, though, Nicole
also appreciates days of playing video games,
or a glass or two or her favorite drink, the
notorious Wengweng.
Shes a surfer, a gamer, and a self-confessed
romantic. We say if you ever bump into her
walking down some pristine beach this summer,
hide that beer gut, arm yourself with some
videogame knowledge, and offer to buy her
a drink. She just might be willing to take that
stroll with you.
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MARCH 2014 FHM 105 twitter.com/fhmphil fhmphilofcial
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How did you nd the
shoot?
Its very cold! Ha ha! No,
its exciting. I really liked
the theme.
Was it as exciting as
being the 100% Hottie
for FHM.com.ph last
January?
Sa studio lang kasi yun eh,
dito mas exciting kasi ang
ganda ng place. I really
like swimming in the
pool, going to the beach. It
excites me.
Youve gained a lot of
followers after that
feature. Were pretty sure
many are looking forward
to this photo shoot for the
magazine.
I get embarrassed
sometimes. I never thought
that Id gain admirers, but
Im really grateful for them.
You started your
modeling career in
Malaysia as a wholesome
15-year-old. Was it
difcult for you to shift to
sexy photo shoots?
I like sexy shoots better.
Its more my type. I like
aunting my body.
Say, a gutsy admirer
takes you on a date
would a trip to the beach
work?
Yes, its so me! I also surf
kasi eh, kaya game ako sa
ganitong environment.
You dont mind getting
wet, then?
Not at all! I like getting
wet!
How did you get into
surng?
A year ago, a friend took
me to Quezon. Hes a
surng coach, so I learned
from him. I instantly loved
it!
Then youre the perfect
beach buddy. Any other
hobbies?
Im trying to get into
basketball because my
boyfriend is a basketball
playerbut the only thing
I like about it is playing
NBA 2K14, ha ha! Im a
gamer, and I like playing
video games with my guy.
Youre the ideal girlfriend
then. Has gaming ever
been an issue in your
relationship?
I can relate to guys who
are addicted to video
games. Ako rin naman,
minsan hindi ko na
napapansin when Im
enjoying myself. Time just
ies. But its good to put
a limit on your gaming
so you can devote time to
people. I get why girls are
irritated by it. Just put a
balance between gaming
life and personal life.
Does your boyfriend
engage in your activities?
He hasnt tried surng
with me yet, but were
planning to.
Who would have the
biggest chance with you
at the beach: a surfer, a
diver, or a lifeguard?
Surfers, of course! Tanned
and toned guys who carry
surfboards are hot.
Were sure youve done
more than surng at
beaches. Any naughty
stories you want to
share?
Hmmnone so far. Kung
meron man, matagal nang
nangyari yun. Hindi na ako
naughty ngayon, ha ha!
But wed like a confession!
Ha ha! Im a good girlin
public.
Whats the perfect
summer getaway?
Take me to a faraway
beach with just the two of
us. It would also be nice
to have a massage by the
shore as the sun sets.
Sounds romantic.
Yes, Im romantic.
But can we also take you
out for a few drinks?
Whats your favorite?
Blowjob! Ha ha! No, just
kidding. Im okay with a
Wengweng!
Say, youre drunk on a
beach, what would you
most likely end up doing:
sunbathe topless, skinny
dip, or kiss a stranger?
Hell no, I would never kiss
a stranger! Ha ha! But if
Im really, really drunk,
and hes a cute stranger,
why not? Ha ha!
Beaches are almost
always crowded. How do
you stand out?
I wear bikinis that atter
my cleavage. I like my
boobs: theyre natural,
perky, and theyre nice!
I consider my boobs
my asset. I get a lot of
compliments on them.
We cant wait for you to
do a more daring shoot
with us.
Well, Ive done topless.
Maybe Ill go bottomless
again next time. FHM
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PHOTOGRAPHY:
EJ AY LEUNG OF MI DNI GHT BONKERS
I NTERVI EW:
GELO GONZALES
STYLI NG: DEBRA BERNALES
MAKEUP: AMANDA PADI LLA FOR MAYBELLI NE
HAI R: RHOY CERVANTES FOR L OREAL PROFESSI ONNEL
SPECI AL THANKS TO MI CO GUTI ERREZ
SS
EE
WEET WEET SWEET
N N OTION OTION EMOTION
Ni neteen-year-ol d Bul akea
beauty Lhea Bernardi no i gni tes
dangerous feel i ngs of sensual
summer i nnocence
F H M S U M
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Lhea Bernardino is sweet, sincere, and
genuinely nice.
This is something we have to point
with st-on-the-table emphasis because
her devilish sex appeal is impossible
not to notice. Look at her sweet
face, and that impressive set of big,
expressiveeyes. Check out those slim
legs that the fashion industry has yet
to notice (thank God). And how about
that body, which has only gone on
to become more endearing with each
passing photo shoot?
This is Lheas third with us. Yet so
far, the kind of naivet and lambing
of a true-blue Bulakea has remained
with her, fully. She is the type that
gives random back rubs to people
(hopefully not to complete strangers
on the street), and like a cat frisking
your leg, she can suddenly come from
behind to grab and hug your arm. It is
inevitable that the arm may suddenly
brush against those that nourishat
which point, it is the honorable task of
any man to prevent any rush of blood
to the head.
A sly girl, Lhea is. Does she not
know the effect she has on men? Its
summer, which means its time to head
for the beach, as Lhea is planning to
do. Awkwardly, we ask her if she likes
wearing bikinis and if shes completely
comfortable in them. With great luck,
she answers in our favor: Yes, I love
bikinis, and I have no problem wearing
them. Perfect.
This is your third shoot with FHM.
How was the experience?
Super overwhelming. I came from the
bottom. Then I joined car shows just
last April, and doon na nagsimula.
I joined a contest for Hot Import
Nights, and nanalo ako ng Face Of
The Night. From there, Ive been very
grateful na nagsunud-sunod na yung
appearances ko. It was a bikini contest,
and dahil sumasali na rin naman na
ako sa beauty pageants prior to that,
komportable na rin akong magsuot
ng sexy na bikini in front of men and
other people.
Whats the difference between
walking in a bikini in a beauty
pageant and a bikini contest?
Sa beauty pageant, you walk with
grace. Sa bikini contest, you walk with
sexiness!
In a bikini, you show a lot of your
body. So what part of your body gets
the most compliments?
Alam ninyo, minsan hindi sa body eh
sa smile. I get a lot of compliments
sa smile ko. Sabi nila its sweet and
innocent. Ha ha! Sa body naman, legs
ang pinakamadalas. Its not awless.
Pero yung shape at haba niya, sabi nila
super proportioned daw sa body ko.
Are your legs your favorite part of
your body, too?
I think, my shoulders. Its not too bony;
its not super lapad, bagay na bagay
lang siya sa body frame ko. At saka
masarap mag-shopping kasi parang
super appropriate sa shoulders ko.
With your long legs, is it hard to nd
pants that t?
LHEA
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Nahihirapan! Yun ang mahirap. Thats
why I only have two pairs of pantsand
thousands of shorts. Mahirap kasing
makahanap ng mahabang pants na
maliit ang waistline. Madalas kapag
mahaba, sobrang laki din ng waistline.
Excuse our frankness, but one of
the things weve noticed is that you
have really nice boobs. Have you ever
gotten compliments for them too?
Ha ha! Minsan nga sinasabi nila payat
ako pero ang laki ng boobs ko. Theyll
ask, Gawa ba yan? Sasabihin ko,
Hindi ah! They bounce and theyre
soft! Sabi nila, Ang galing ah! Ang
payat mo pero ang laki ng boobs mo!
Im a late bloomer actually. I was at-
chested back in high school, so now
pag nakikita nila ako, they say, Uy,
ang laki mo na ha!
Did you notice the change in terms of
how men paid attention to you after
your growth spurt?
I had a high school crush before.
Kaklase ko siya. Close kami, and
eventually I confessed to the guy na I
loved him. He told me na he loved me
toobut as a friend. Na-friendzone
ako! Ngayon, when he tries to
approach me on Facebook, ay ayoko
nang pansinin. Di niya nakita yung
inner beauty ko before eh! Pero hindi
ako suplada ha. Im very approachable
and I like meeting new people. Madali
rin akong magtiwala sa tao, and hindi
ako mahiyain.
You must enjoy crowded beaches
then!
Alam mo, ngayon ko lang na-e-enjoy
yung out-of-town trips. My family
didnt go out that much para mag-
travel. When I started modeling, thats
when I started getting out-of-town
trips because of work. Thats why
sobrang excited talaga ako ngayon
kasi bagong experience talaga siya sa
akin. But of course, nakapag-beach na
rin naman ako. Mga three times!
And what do you enjoy the most
about it?
The salty water! Part ako dati kasi
ng Bulacan swim team nung Grade 5
ako, so sawa na ako sa chlorine. Kaya
parang na-e-enjoy ko yung challenge
na lumangoy sa dagat kahit mahapdi
sa mata yung water. Im always
impressed with actresses that play the
role of Dyesebel. At saka yung dapo
ng araw sa balat mo, iba eh. Iba yung
summer warmth.
Speaking of warmth, in your rst
interview, you revealed that you once
had sex in a sauna. Would you ever
do it on the beach?
Thats my dream! But I want the beach
to be in a deserted island.
Why a deserted island?
Because I want to scream all I want
without anyone ever hearing me. No
one can hear you. Kasi minsan pag
sa bahay kayo, pag sumigaw ka,
maririnig ka pa ng kapitbahay, di ba?
Ha ha! If theres someone else on the
island, eh di magkukumot kami para
nakatago pa rin!
Does the guy have to have abs?
Well, ang alam ko lang, I like abs! FHM
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PHOTOGPAPHY. PAOLO PI NE DA OF MI DNI GHT BONKE PS I NTE PVI EW. ANTON D. UMALI
STYLI NG. DEBPA BEPNALES MAKEUP. AMANDA PADI LLA HAI P. PHOY CEPVANTES FOP L'OPEAL PPOFESSIONNEL
SPECIAL THANKS TO MICO GUTI EPPEZ
Prepare your sweet tooth
for Tara Medi na
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D ARD ARD HARD
Y Y ANDY ANDY CANDY
You cant really tell from these photos, but model Tara
Medina accidentally broke a front tooth right before her
scheduled photo shoot. Luckily, one of our photographers
is also a dentist. Being the tough and crafty girl that she is,
she contacted said lensman and had the damage repaired
prior to hair and makeup. Thank you, dentistry!
If the sultry Tara (complete set of teeth and all) looks
familiar, its because youve caught a glimpse of her as Ms.
November in this years Tanduay x FHM calendar. Oddly
enough, for that outing we captured the caramel-skinned
stunner doing what most dentists probably would not
recommend: sucking on a lollipop for your sweet-viewing
pleasure.
And Tara here is all about pleasure. Despite being in an
LDR (thats long-distance relationship, noob) with her MMA
ghter beau, online naughtiness is never an issueSkype
and FaceTime turning into a sexual bridge for the longing
lovers. And when they nally get the chance to go mano
a mano in person, she says that she can last at least two
hours with him in the sack. After which she is a spent splay
of ecstatic esh. Thats Tara enjoying her sugar rush. And
these photos are yours...
You say you're in a long-distance relationship. Anything
good it does to you?
Its good because you can still do everything you want. Pag
wala siya, wala akong iniisip munang boyfriend. At the
same time, we are both given the space to do the things we
enjoy doing separately.
How far away is this man of yours?
Hes based in Hawaii. Weve only seen each other ve times
in person. Its still great because we are able to work out our
relationship kahit hindi kami magkasama. Even if we just
see each other through FaceTime, mas nabubuo yung love.
In my experience, kahit magkalayo kami, we still make time
for each other.
But what are some of the drawbacks of not having your
partner around all the time?
Marami. When Im happy or sad, I cant share it with him.
Hindi ko siya mahawakan.
Have you tried using the Internet to make up for lost
intimacy?
Yes, nagawa na, ha ha! We get intimate on Skype or
FaceTime. We try to get kinky. Sometimes you get tired of all
the I miss you and I love you messages so kailangan ng
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ibang style. Sometimes we make out online.
You kiss the monitor?
Hindi lang! When I want to get his attention I remove
my top. Sometimes I even remove everything. Minsan
magbibihis ako sa harap niya. Sometimes when hes tired,
when I know hes stressed with work or training, when I call
him, nakahubad na ako. Nagigising siya!
Your guy is an MMA ghter. What do you nd attractive
in a man who can beat the shit out of anyone in the room?
Hes so strong and masculine. In the cage, nambubugbog
siya. I like bad boys, the type that people are scared of, ha
ha! MMA ghters are really scary because when you see
them, their faces are all beat up, and they have cauliower
ears. But when you get to know my man, youll realize that
he is so soft, so sweet, and so caring.
Has he ever used his MMA moves in the bedroom?
Yes! He can last for two hours straight! No kidding.
Sometimes, he leaves me there like a starsh. Ha ha!
Speaking of starsh, are you the type of girl who enjoys
the beach?
Yes, I love the sun, sand, sea, seeing bodies, and of course boys.
How would you describe your perfect vacation?
Just as long as there is a nice beach where I am able to tan,
Im happy. Im obsessed with tanning. Im not into party
beaches like Boracay so much. I like nature trips and being
able to relax.
Trunks or board shortswhat should a man's beach wear
be?
If he is muscular and tall, I prefer trunks. Ha ha! But if he is
the boy-next-door type, board shorts are ne.
Have you ever had a summer ing?
Hindi ko maalala eh. Baka lasing ako nun! Ha ha!
How do we get ourselves a summer ing?
Just be condent. Even if your body isnt toned, youll stand
out if youre a go-getter. Just enjoy and have fun.
And how should a man approach a bikini-clad girl on the
beach?
Just be man enough. FHM
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We get i nti mate
on Skype or
FaceTi me. We
try to get ki nky.
Someti mes
we make out
onl i ne
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Off court and underwater,
Sports5 s Ri zza Di az
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PHOTOGRAPHY: PAOLO PI NEDA OF MI DNI GHT BONKERS
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STYLI NG: REY SANTOS
MAKEUP: J ANI NA DI ZON
HAI R: GEORM I MPERI AL
SHOT ON LOCATI ON AT MAXI MS HOTEL, RESORTS WORLD
MANI LA; SPECI AL THANKS TO J OY ANDRADE
Things you wouldnt have known from
eyeing this pretty, PBA sportscaster on
TV5 three times a week: (1) Rizza looks
good in bikinis but cant swim; (2) She
likes basketball but cant be allowed
to play it (I cant, pikon ako eh)
and; (3) She can ounder gracefully
in the water with her tiny frame, but
obviously not-at-all-tiny bosom.
When it comes to shameless
devotions to the opposite sex, though,
shes a bit like you, too. Only luckier:
Who doesnt want to be surrounded
by the most athletic, good-looking
guys na tinitilian ng mga babae? I get
the best seat, and I even get to talk to
them. Even if they dont pay me, Im
going to do it! But thank God they
do, right? Id love to stay here for the
boys, she tells us.
Wed love to stay tuned to Rizza, too.
Were not used to seeing you in a
bikini courtside. Would you say that
constantly being around sportsmen
and sportsfans has turned you into
one of the boys?
You could say that. Imagine, the
people involved: team, coaching
staff, cameramen, producer, lahat
lalakiin the staff, siguro tatlo lang
kaming babae. Our audience is male-
dominated. Yung tomboy-ish side of
me, the passion I have for basketball
and watching sports is there. But at the
same time, because Im the only girl you
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see on court, I try to glam it up. I think
thats the difference between courtside
reporters now from before, dati very
conservative yung reportersnow we
try to dress up a little sexy.
What does a little sexy look like?
A little sexy is wearing a skirt thats
not too short, perhaps knee-length. I
can wear a top thats sleeveless and a
little low on the chest. Kami lang yung
konting avor, konting spice to the
day.
By kami, do you mean you and fellow
courtside reporter Erika Padilla?
Yes, unfortunately dalawa na lang
kaming girls sa PBA.
The two of you are, should we say,
very different from each other.
Yes! Very different. From looks alone,
Erika, shes like, you knowbigger,
and Im petite. But also if you watch us
closely, how we deliver our reports, iba
yung atake namin. We bring different
things to the table, different styles.
And your style is
My style is more conversational. Im
like the tsismosa na so this is what I
heard from the huddle, itsi-tsismis ko
yun sa anchor, and then itsi-tsismis
ko sa analyst. The terms I use are
very masa, I dont try to sound very
intellectual or technical. We try to
deliver the human aspect of it.
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B O O B S Y E A H , T H E Y
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Has anyone tried to get extra friendly
with you between interviews?
Hitting on me? Siguro yung mga
pa-cute lang. Mga, Hey, you look
nice today Siyempre mag-re-reply ka
lang ng Thank you. There was one
playerIm not going to name him,
thoughwho tweeted that when I rst
talked to him, he got star-struck and
his palms were sweaty. I thought it was
cute, and then I found out that he had a
girlfriend, so I didnt reply to the tweet
anymore.
Have you always liked basketball?
Love basketball. Looooove! As in!
I didnt watch too much cartoons
when I was younger, pero nanonood
na ako ng Barangay Ginebra versus
Alaska games since I was 6 or 7 years
old. I would save money just to buy
these magazines that had posters of
GinebraJaworski time, when he
was coaching. Alaska with Johnny
Abarientos. In college, for me to avoid
P.E., I would volunteer to help the
womens varsity team. Mag-re-referee
ako dun, mag-o-operate ako ng shot
clock, mag-sa-stats ako.
But you never played?
No. I cant play kasi pikon ako! I dont
like it when people get too close to
me. I have such high respect for these
guys. Respeto ako sa teamwork and
sportsmanship nila.
Since youre around basketball guys
so much, can we console ourselves
by saying youre probably sick of
them now?
No. Hell, no! Its one of the perks of
being a sportscaster. These gentlemen
are the hottest of their kind. Theyre
tallheight is might, and its my
weakness, too. Theyre athletic, theyre
built to ght, but theyre not too bulky
like a wrestlertheyre just ne. At
kung magsasawa ako, I dont think
it will ever be of them. Id love to stay
here for the boys. Ha ha ha! Just to be
honest about it.
Youve never dated fat guys before?
Wala pa akong boyfriend na hindi
t. Ewan ko, siguro yun lang din
yung na-a-attract ko na vibe, kasi
yun din yung hinahanap ko. Im not
discounting the fact that theres more
to those types of guys than meets the
eye, but then again lets be realistic, its
all about physical attraction at rst,
and my eyes would really go toward
matangkad, lean, and moreno men.
Ayaw ko ng maputi. Gusto ko ng
kulay Filipino, as in Pinoy-looking.
Youre a petite lady, but your, erm,
other parts dont seem all that small.
Yeah, I guess you could say that.
Physically, Im petite, but I have
long-ish enough legs na hindi ako
mukhang short. Parang somehow Im
sexy of equal parts. Yung kinulang
ko sa height, dinala ko na lang sa
condence. Although my boobsyeah,
they stand out. FHM
126 FHM MARCH 2014 www.fhm.com.ph facebook.com/FHM.ph twitter.com/fhmphil fhmphilofcial 126 FHM MARCH 2014 www.fhm.com.ph facebook.com/FHM.ph twitter.com/fhmphil fhmphilofcial
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PAOLO PI NEDA OF MI DNI GHT BONKERS
I NTERVI EW:
ASH MAHI NAY
STYLI NG: DEBRA BERNALES
MAKEUP: AMANDA PADI LLA FOR MAYBELLI NE
HAI R: RHOY CERVANTES FOR L OREAL
PROFESSI ONNEL
SPECI AL THANKS TO MI CO GUTI ERREZ
Doesnt Bianca Peraltaand
her insane bodylook like the
perfect candidate for a beach
date? Despite her whiter-than-
alabaster skin, we thought so,
too, until she declared herself
as a moody gal, and not exactly
the biggest fan of sand and
surf. Buzz kill.
We guess you dont keep
a awlessly fair complexion
like hers without shirking
some rays. But, kind of how
shes quite the MOMOL queen
without even knowing what
MOMOL was apparently,
the way her eyes twinkled
while thinking up naughty
adventures to be had at the
beach tells us that theres a
water baby in there just waiting
to bust out.
She just needs convincing
to head to the shores more
oftenand judging from the
photos weve got from our trip
with this FHM mainstay, its
well worth the effort to change
her mind and get her into a
two-piece.
Do you even go outdoors, or
are you the type of girl who
likes to stay in?
Kahit ano naman, depende
sa mood and depende sa
company. Pareho namang
enjoy [indoors or outside], pero
napaka-moody ko kasing tao.
Parang pag naisipan kong
mag-beach, sige pupunta ako
kaagad. Pero usually, okay
na akong uminom lang nang
mag-isa sa bahay, yun na yung
pampatulog ko minsan. Ha ha!
We need you in the mood
more. How do we get you in
the zone?
Siyempre willing ako pag may
kasamang boyfriend, ha ha!
Labas kami, and then alam
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mo na, ha ha!
No, hindi namin alam.
MOMOL, ha ha! Alam mo
bang kahapon ko lang
nalaman meaning nun?
Pero yung ginagawa namin
talaga is to have quality time
siyempre, ha ha!
We dont believe you either.
Akala ko kasi yung MOMOL,
parang cream siyayung
kasama sila Ellen Adarna at
Linda Persson sa isang ad! Di
ko alam na make out make
out lang pala ang meaning
niya.
Who taught you this then?
Narinig ko lang sa
photographer ninyo, ha ha!
We need to ask him about
that. Aside from MOMOL,
were sure youve been up to
no good at the beach.
Wala pa naman akong
nagagawang wild talaga sa
beach, pero sige next time
try ko yun! Gusto kong
gawin dun sa mga places na
kabado ka na may makakita.
Yung may thrill, parang sa
pinakadulo ng beach, sa gilid
ng boat, or speedboat sa tubig,
ha ha!
Are you the type to strut
around in a bikini or do you
cover up with a sarong?
Pag feeling kong sexy ako, eh
di two-piece kung two-piece.
Pero pag kakatapos lang mag-
lunch, yan sarong muna, then
pag gabi na tatanggalin ko na
siyempre, ha ha!
Is revealing the goods the
key to hooking guys?
Dapat gumamit ng body
language, ha ha! Siguro
umpisahan ko ng lingon
lang and then pag palapit na,
dapat ready na. Minsan pag
kasama ko ang boyfriend, ako
na yung nanunuyo, pero pag
flirting lang hindi talaga ako
nauuna. Pero if babae, ako
ang lumalapit! Ha ha! Mahilig
ako mang-kiss ng girl. Nakita
mo naman kagabi, ha ha!
Yes, we only wish girls
would agree to us as easily
as they did to you.
Siguro kasi lasing din sila, ha
ha! Or baka may tendency din
na medyo tagilid sila.
You kissed five girls last
night, is that a record haul
for you?
Meron isang gabi na seven,
ha ha! Buti na lang sa lahat
ng ina-attempt ko i-kiss na
girls walang nang-re-reject.
All seven na yun ay girlsthen
tatlo pa dun, sila ang nag-
insist ha! Puro hot chick pa!
Sarap! FHM
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T WO - P I E C E .
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You can be sexy
even when youre
covered up,
declares model
extraordinaire and
first-time FHM girl
Wendy Tabusalla.
While watching her
heat up the lens
in the skimpiest of
summer attire kind
of undermines her
statement, we recall
meeting Wendy sans
makeup, dressed in
a plain white dress,
hours before she
got down to work
and feeling the
same kind of awe.
Clearly, Wendy
knows what shes
talking about, and
we cant help but
hope shes right
again when she said
that a model is just
like any girl, and
you shouldnt have
any trouble getting
one. And if all
models are truly just
like her, brimming
with personality
and good vibes, you
should consider
making a beeline
for these gorgeous,
leggy beauties. Her
advice: Wag kayong
mahiya!
Square your
shoulders and
gather up the gall,
gentlemenWendys
backing you up 100
percent.
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But you must believe in how sexy you are, right?
I choose to believe. Ha ha! When I started modeling
nahihiya pa ako. Pero pag nahihiya ka kasi, halata sa
picture. So you really have to be condent to prove that
you can sell the product.
And the product for this shoot isbikinis.
You know what, I grew up na mataba ako. They even
showed it in PBB! So I was a bit insecure. My mom had
to enroll me in personality development courses and
workshops. Kailangan wag kang umarte.
Its great how unpretentious and condent you are.
Wheres this stemming from?
Siguro I was inspired by the models Id worked with.
Nung bago ako, medyo chubby pa ako nun and I got a
lot of negative feedback. But the more kasi that people
tell me negative things, lumalaban ako, the more I feel
that they cant say that to or about me. And the people
around me really give me support and condence.
Where will you be heading this summer?
Ill be going to Boracay and taking road trips to
Batangas. My boyfriend and I might be going to
Thailand. But Boracay for sure; Im used to going there
by myself even for just a day or two. Soul-searching.
Ha ha! Nakaka-relax kasi sya. Im not fond of going
under the sun but I like hearing the waves.
Boracay=beach parties. Are you big on them?
Honestly, dati, oo. Pero ngayon nakakapagod na.
Now Im more of a homebody, or going to the mall
and watching movies. Not like before na araw-araw
lumalabas ako. Also, I was Miss Resorts World and I
lived there for a year. So dati, puwede akong pumunta
lang sa Opus or Republiq. So napagod na rin ako with
dressing up and putting makeup on gabi-gabi. Mas
relaxed na ako ngayon, mas focused sa work.
N
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After you were hailed Miss Resorts World,
you joined Pinoy Big Brother. We always feel
the need to ask: was it hard to take a bath?
Oh my! Oo! Yun na yata ang pinakamahirap na
bagay na ginawa ko! First day pa lang, gusto
ko nang umuwi!
But it mustve been quite the experience.
Ang dami kong natutunan, like yung
pagluluto. Dati kasi my parents were always
there. Now, I live in a condo alone. Marunong
na akong magwalis, maglinis ng CR, magluto.
Puwede na akong mag-asawa paglabas ko!
Youre a fashion model, the type of girl some
dudes nd intimidating. How should guys up
their game when it comes to model chicks?
Hindi naman! Sinong nagsabi nyan? Ha ha!
Guys, ano ba, wag kayong mahiya! I feel that
parang na-i-intimidate lang ang mga guys
kasi tahimik lang ang mga model. Naha-hype
masyado yung kailangang magmukhang
mataray yung models for shoots.
Is that your mataray face youre showing for
this shoot?
Iniisip ko na lang na boyfriend ko yung
camera. Sabi nila its in the eyes. You can be
sexy even when youre fully covered up; its the
condence that makes you sexy.
Does that go for men too?
Ayoko namang maging plastic. Hindi naman
kailangang super guwapo, gusto ko lang
presentable siya, yung maganda siyang
tingnan. But of course important din yung
puwede kayong magtawanan, puwede
akong maging baliw-baliwan dahil hindi ako
seryosong tao. Ha ha!
And as for you, which body part do you think
is the most magandang tingnan?
My collarbone. Kahit tumataba ako nang
kaunti, kita pa rin siya at sabi ng mga tao ang
sexy ko raw. Sabi ko hindi, collarbone ko lang
yan. Ha ha! I have a thing for nice shoulders.
Yun ang ko sa lalaki. Na-tu-turn on ako. FHM
St
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P
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n an age of everything
carbon fiber all over, th
sounds pretty heavy. I
selling point for woode
substantial feeling you
parts. These eco-friend
made of narra, though, an
on your face. Another fu
water. So along with boat
shoes that are rocked as c
you buy just to tie around
wooden things that arent
You won t need l umberj ack neck
muscl es to handl e BWOOD shades
LIGHT
LOOKS
Maver i cks
Turquoi se
P7, 5 00
Pal m
Zebrawood
P7, 000
Monwai i
Emeral d
P6, 000
S
p
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th
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P H O T O G R A P H Y : N I K O V I L L E G A S O F E D G E O F L I G H T
W O R D S : A S H M A H I N A Y
S T Y L I N G : T O N L A O A N D E D I S O N A L B O F O R S T Y L E S T U D I O
M A K E U P : I Y A Y U J U I C O H A I R : D A V E G R O N A
F E M A L E M O D E L : A B B Y P O B L A D O R
A L L O F H I D E O S C L O T H E S F R O M S M M E N S F A S H I O N A T T H E S M S T O R E
Hi deo Mur aoka act s l i ke
a t ot al don pool si de
F
H
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S
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Y
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an to man,
we think
Brapanese
(half-Brazilian, half-
Japanese) model
Hideo Muraokas true
talent isnt looking
good in clothes
rather he looks real
good out of them. The
separation of men
from boys happens
when the shirt comes
offskinny fashion
guys can hide behind
their threads all they
want.
Now, getting as
swole as Hideo isnt
going to be easy for
anyone, but you can
denitely steal his
minimal summer look.
Is that enough to get
females clambering
all over you, though?
Maybebut then
again, Hideo also
happens to play
center back for United
Football League team
Socceroo FC and
play the most dapper
businessman ever on
Galemaso maybe
not, but feel free to
consider this set your
aspirational guide to
that life
The best beach
souvenir is not
some trinket; its
that healthy tanned
afterglow. Weve
got Hideos tips to
attaining some color
this summer. Tip 1:
Its best not to have
a lady blocking the
way.
Because skin cancer
is not fun
I wear protection
on the face, and
sometimes I use
sunblock on the
shoulders where its
more sensitive. If you
plan to have a long
day on the beach,
make sure you use
some15-20 SPF is
okay.
Dont obsess with
catching rays, just
let it happen
I dont really like to
lay down and stay
there, I usually play
volleyball or football
and I dont even notice
the time pass. Dont
sleep either! I try to
maximize my time on
the beach; I always
sleep late and wake
early.
Dont stress if you
feel toasty but its
only 3p.m. and
theres still a lot of
sun
I like to get dark, but
when the sun starts to
burn, thats the time
I think its enough.
If you do get burned,
use aloe vera and take
a cold shower.
TAN
LIKE A
BRA
ZILIAN
PROTECT
YO
U
R
S
ELF
ENJOY
THE
B
E
A
C
H
DONT
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H
F
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M
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T
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The s e p a i r s f l o a t o ur b o a t
W O R D S : A S H M A H I N A Y P H O T O G R A P H Y : L O U I E A G U I N A L D O I \ | | 1 . 1 \ | 1 | l
Havai anas
P745
Qui ksi l ver
P1, 190
Qui ksi l ver
P1, 190
Lacoste
P1, 895
F
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ome dudes like to
wear slippers in the
waterthats okay. It
just feels better knowing
youve got a token layer
of defense between your
foot and that annoying
rock layer near shore,
pointy pieces of trash,
and that sea urchin you
didnt see. But wearing
shoes into the drink?
Thats pretty affected.
Pick a flip-flop from these
instead and youll be good
to go all day.
Qui ksi l ver
P1, 190
Qui ksi l ver
P1, 190
Crocs
P2, 380
QUICKFIRE ROUND
You can call me: Cristina
Im a: Student and car show model
I like: Watching movies and going
to the spa
This summer you can nd me
chilling in: Boracay
CRISTINA
OQUIAS
Photography: Ria Regino of Fat Cat Studio
Interview: Mich Lagdameo
Styling: Rey Santos
Makeup: Amanda Padilla for Maybelline
Hair: Rhoy Cervantes for L'oreal Professionnel
F HM MARCH GI RL F RI END
Going to the beach? Car show model
and tanned goddess Cristina Oquias
shouldnt be hard to miss
A
s if you needed more reason to join the exodus to Boracay this summer,
take this into consideration: gorgeous car show model Cristina Oquias
just might be there. And it wont be tough to nd her in the crazy crowd
with a face and body like this, how can you miss her?
A tip on how to zero in on her, though: She wont be partying with the cool
kids. Shell most likely be keeping to herself, working on her already sun
goddess-level tan. Or she could be helping herself to the islands epicurean
delights with a generous helping of rice. Beautiful and unashamed to admit how
much she loves to eat? Best-girlfriend-ever material.
This is the rst time youre on our pages, but youre no stranger to our events
and on the web. Welcome, nally! What took so long?
The people who see me in car shows always say mag-magazine ka na! Para daw
dadalhin nila copies nila to the car show and magpapa-autograph sila. Ha ha! So here
I am.
G I R L F R I E N D
MARAMING FANS AND
FOLLOWERS SA FACEBOOK
NA PAG SINABI KONG MAY
SHOW AKO SOMEWHERE,
DADATING SILANG MAY
FLOWERS
We guess this could be your gift to your car
show fans. We hear you have a lot of interesting
experiences with them. All good, we hope?
Sa car show, hindi maiiwasan yung bastos di
ba? Pero marami rin namang mababait. May
isang guy dun na car show model ang girlfriend.
Dinadalhan niya ng owers, ganun. Maraming
fans and followers sa Facebook na pag sinabi kong
may show ako somewhere, dadating silang may
owers. Or tatanungin nila kung kumain na ba
ako, tapos babalik silang may dalang food for me.
So magandang experience yun.
Food clearly is the way to your heart. What
should we bring you?
Hindi naman sa ganun, I'm just touched that they
even recognize or remember who I am. Pero I like
Oreo J. Co donuts. Yun yung pinaka-favorite ko kasi
hindi siya masyadong matamis. Actually mahilig
akong mag-snackpotato chips, ganun.
Your svelte gure sure hides that fact nicely. Are
you always on a diet?
I try to control my rice intake before a shoot.
Normally, wala kasi akong control sa rice! Favorite
ko sa Mang Inasal kasi unli-rice. Pag lunch break
sa school dun kami pupunta ng classmates ko,
nakaka-tatlong rice ako! Pero pag may shoot hindi
ako kumakain masyado.
We nd a girl who can eat rice with abandon very
endearing. Is there an ulam you wont eat?
Kahit saan kumakain ako! Pero hindi ako kakain
ng isaw. Medyo sensitive kasi ang tummy ko.
Where can we nd you food tripping this summer?
Ill be going to Boracay to relax for a few days. I
like walking on the beach, simple things lang. May
experience ako last timenakilala ako ng isang
guy. He approached me and said, Ikaw ba idol ko?
Ikaw ba si Cristina? Pwede bang makipag-shake
hands? Nakakatawa lang kasi Boracay yun eh,
hindi mo naman aakalaing may makakakila pa sa
akin dun.
Where do you go to de-stress?
Pumupunta ako sa spa. Theres this place behind
FEU, parang may cave! Pwedeng mag Jacuzzi, tapos
super tahimik. Every week bumabalik ako. Super
relaxing talaga. The different caves have different
temperatures, some you can even sleep in! Some
caves have green tea-infused Jacuzzi baths, and I
also like the one with charcoal because thats good
for the skin. And super malinis siya!
We hear youre into movies as well. If we were
to make a movie of your life so far, what genre
would it be?
Siguro, drama. Iyakin kasi ako. Ha ha! Maawain
kasi ako, lalo na nung nakita ko sa Facebook yung
nangyari nung Yolanda, kahit hindi ko naman
buhay yun, iyak ako nang iyak. Madali akong
maawa. FHM
Cristinas
life this
month
Dyed my hair black. Time to do a Korean pose Bo r n t o be wi l d! Day off lang ang peg, te!
G I R L F R I E N D
156 FHM MARCH 2014 com.ph facebook.com/FHM.ph twitter.com/fhmph
UPGR
NEXT-LEVEL
PARTYI NG
Because j ust booze and sounds
don t spel l F- U- N anymore, here are
FHM- approved party i deas for the
ul ti mate summer bro bash
Think back to
the best party you
ever attended. Was it your
too-cool-for-school seventh
birthday party with the magic show
and pabitin? That grad party you
dropped by at and ending up having
no recollection of whatsoever when you
woke up on the curb at 6 a.m. the next
day? Or your best friends bachelor party
that totally beat The Hangover movie in
your humble (biased) opinion?
They say theres no fail-proof formula
in throwing a great partyto which
we say, challenge accepted. Here,
novel party elements that
upgrade any gathering into
an epic win
GI ANT
ANI MALS!
Childish you say? Maybe!
Everyone says theyre
too old for giant stuffed
animals, but no one
can resist a photo op
with a giant dinosaur!
Alternatively, have them
walk around and hawk
the shotswho can say
no to their childhood hero
pouring hard liquor down
their throat?
C a l l P i n k H e a v e n P a r t y
F l a v o r s a t 4 7 4 - 2 2 3 2
BONDAGE
GI RLS!
Strippers are old news in
this brave new post-Fifty
Shades of Grey world that
we live in. Get extra kinky
with BDSM performances
including ropes, whipping,
and creative uses of
candlewax. Very Requiem
for a Dream, eh?
Audience participation is
optional!
F o r b o o k i n g s a n d i n q u i r i e s
c o n t a c t L u i s M e d i n a a t
0 9 17 7 6 1 8 14 5 o r l u i s @ t h e -
u n c o l o u r e d . c o m
W
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T
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C
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DI RECT
I NJ ECTI ON!
To officially take your
party to the Next Level,
you need to up the
drinking gameget a
keg. Imagine: no more
losing the opener, no
more forgetting to chill
more beer, and no more
gathering bottles all over
the damn place the next
dayjust 50 liters of good
times free-flowing from a
tap all night long!
C a l l S a n M i g u e l B e e r
D e l i v e r s a t 6 3 2 - B E E R
PAPARAZZI !
Because you cant count
on your lazy (or drunk)
guests to patiently line up
at a photo booth in some
random corner of your
party, enlist the services
of a literal mobile photo
booth: a dude (or two)
with a printer strapped on
his back and brandishing
a DSLR, who can bug
your guests for a shot
or two with on-the-spot
real-time printingkind of
like a cool paparazzo you
wouldnt mind hanging
around.
F o r i n q u i r i e s c h e c k o u t
k a m e r a m a n . p h
U P G R A D E
F
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S
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GE T RI PPE D OR DI E T RYI NG
YOUR LAST- DITCH EFFORT FOR THAT EVER- ELUSIVE BORA BODY
Okay, so you promised yourself youd totally shed off all the extra holiday poundage as the new year hits, but you
havent exactly lived up to your word. Plus, we know youre keen on picking things up from last years uneventful
beach trip, so you better get a move on ASAP and crank up the intensity while youre at it. Read on and check out our
recommendations for this years #summeralindog program!
Train like:
Five-time Judo Olympian Jorge Bonnet
Whats it about?
PurMotion lets you move multi-
directionally, perform high intensity
workouts, and achieve optimal balance.
The programs movement patterns come
from different training modalities such as
power lifting, Olympic lifting, bodybuilding,
Strongman lifts, martial arts, track and
eld, and bodyweight training.
Whats the big deal?
Whether training for sports, tness,
or a better quality of life, the versatile
PurMotion system will provide you with an
efcient, unrestricted, and pure method
to help achieve your sport performance
and tness-related goals. Its system,
philosophy, and education components
allow you to customize your workout,
rather than simply follow the mechanics
of a traditionally designed gym machine.
You can grow with the program as your
skill set grows, which keeps you from
hitting a plateau.
Where do I sign up?
Dr op by Sk y Fi t nes s Mani l a ( 4t h f l oor , The
Podi um 18 A D B Av enue, Or t i gas Cent er ,
Mandal uy ong Ci t y ) or v i s i t t hei r webs i t e at
www. s k y f i t nes s . com. ph
Train like:
Ateneo Blue Eagle Kiefer Ravena and NU
Bulldogs head coach Eric Altamirano
Whats it about?
Unlike RIP: 60, which uses a single
equipment portable enough to be used
anywhere appropriate, RapidFit makes
use of three unique pieces of equipment.
Your training will follow an exercise
sequence operated by machines called
the FreeMotion Dual Cable Cross, the
Incline Trainer, and the FreeMotion
Vibration Platform, or the Vertex.
Whats the big deal?
The FreeMotion Dual Cable Cross
enhances strength by permitting the
body to imitate movements done in
actual sports activities and day-to-day
life situations, while the Incline Trainer
elevates the heart rate and builds up
30 percent more incline than all the
other treadmills out there. The Vertex,
meanwhile, lets the muscles relax after
the previous workouts, helping it contract
at the similar rate of vibration to regain
stability.
Where do I sign up?
To know mor e about Rapi dFi t , s wi ng by
a Gol d s Gy m br anch near y ou or v i s i t t hei r
webs i t e at www. gol ds gy m. com. ph
Train like:
Former UFC Champion Georges St-
Pierre and Jillian Michaels of The Biggest
Loser
Whats it about?
RIP: 60 is the most recent innovation
in suspension training that makes use
of gravity, your body weight, plus the
systems revolutionary rotating straps to
engage the core with every move in a
progressive and varying set of exercises.
Unlike other suspension training
equipment, RIP: 60 boasts its use of the
power of rotation. The straps give the
users better range of motion, training
them the way they move in their day-to-
day livesonly better.
Whats the big deal?
It guarantees you the body youve always
wanted in less than 60 minutes for
a short span of 60 days. Some of its
benets include losing body fat, gaining
lean muscle, and improving strength, all
in the fastest time. In a series of weekly
progressive workouts, it promises a total-
body transformation from where you are
today to the best shape of your life.
Where do I sign up?
Swi ng by a Gol d s Gy m br anch near y ou or
v i s i t t hei r webs i t e at www. gol ds gy m. com. ph
R I P : 6 0 R A P I D F I T P U R M O T I O N
U P G R A D E
W
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M
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J
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F OR CAMPI NG F OR SURF I NG
0 1 COLEMAN LANTERN
Made of tough
polycarbonate material,
this shining beacon
of light will help you
navigate roads less
traveled with brightness
of 190 lumens max
shining through up to 23
feet of creepy darkness in
its highest setting.
Score for: P2,900
(www.lazada.com.ph)
0 2 LI FESTRAW
If you find yourself out
of water, the best option
(next to drinking your
piss a la Bear Grylls) is
this. It's a portable water
filter that removes 99.9
percent of parasites and
bacteria. By the time
it gets to your mouth,
youll have clean and safe
drinking water.
Score for: P1,999
(09177329888, xoknives@
gmail.com)
03 OZAKI O! TOOL
BATTERI ES
When the sun goes out
on your solar charger, it
always pays to pack an
extra set of juice. These
cutesy things from Ozaki
should slip easily to your
womans outdoor clutch,
packing 5,200mAh and
10,400mAh of battery.
The robot-faced LED
display indicates how
much juice is still on.
Score for: P3,995 (O!tool
T52), P5,495 (O!tool J104)
0 1 BRAVEN 710
For those after-surf
moments by the beach
when youre in need of
some Avici to help set
the mood, this is your
best sound buddy. Its a
speakerphone, Bluetooth
speaker, and portable
charger encased inside
a waterproof, aircraft-
grade aluminum shell.
Score for: P7,450 (Beyond
the Box, Digital Arena, Digital
Hub, Digital Walker)
0 2 NIKE+ FUELBAND SE
Tracks the intensity of
your workouts, counts
your steps, and displays
your progress in real
time. It has a variety of
social features, too, that
let you sync with your
phone, connect with
other people, and stay
motivated.
Score for: P6,500
(Nike outlets)
03 BEAR GRYLLS FI RE
STARTER
Light up a beach bonfire
and never worry about
wet matches or lighter
fluid again. The compact
Bear Grylls Fire Starter
has a ferrocerium rod
and metal striker with
a waterproof storage
compartment for your
tinder. Give it a strike
and you'll soon be
singing Kumbaya.
Score for: P7,505
(ROX, Bonifacio High Street)
Sometimes
you need more
than a solar
charger*
Not
everything
is about the
GoPro*
* But just in case you still need one
04 GREEN MOBI LE
SOLAR CHARGER
With its own Lithium-Ion
battery and 4,000 mAh worth
of power for mobile, leave it
where the sun shines, and let
the solar rays do the rest.
Score for: P2,700 (Tritec
Integrated Phil., 807-
4211/850-3960)
*I n case you st i l l needed t o know
04 GOPRO HERO3+
Every pro surfer, bungee
jumper, and adrenaline
junkies best friend. Forty-
meter plungable and shoots
4K resolution videos, and 12
MP stills of up to 30 FPS.
What does the + mean? It
has Wi-Fi, too.
Score for: P19,990
U P G R A D E
01
01
02
02
03
03
04 04
W
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P
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T
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G
FOR MOUNTAI N CLI MBI NG F OR SNORKE L I NG
0 1 SALI CE EYEWEAR
Protect your peepers
from bugs and dust as
you trek up hills and
rocky terrain. Its UV400
lens ensures youre
protected against 100
percent of UVA, B and C
raysand with Italian-
designed frames so light,
youll forget youre even
wearing them.
Score for: Starts at P4,000
(ROX, Runnr, Toby's Sports)
0 2 MI LI POWERNOVAI I
The slimmest power
bank weve seen so far,
with a sleek finish that
wont cramp your style.
Its 10,000 mAh power
capacity is enough to
charge your smartphone
or tablet several times in
the middle of nowhere.
Score for: P4,990
(miliphil.com)
03 GARMI N
MONTANA 650
Never get lost again
with this four-inch color
touchscreen display that
supports multiple mapping
options (including
satellite imagery). It also
has a three-axis, tilt-
compensated compass, a
barometric altimeter, and a
5MP camera.
Score for: P22,790
(ph.garmin.com)
04 HUAWEI POCKET WI-FI
Ready to tell your Twitter
followers youve reached
the summit? Why not let
your fellow mountaineers
do so for added credibility?
This pocket Wi-Fi can adopt
up to 10 users or devices at
the same time, with a High-
Speed Downlink Packet
Access of 21.6mbps, and
5.76 mbps on Uplink.
Score for: P2,699
(www.lazada.com.ph)
0 1 PANASONI C LUMI X
DMC-TS5
This ultimate workhorse
point-and-shoot camera
is waterproof up to 43
feet, shock-proof to 6.6
feet, freeze-proof to -10
degrees Celsius, and
pressure-resistant up to
220 lbs. It also has a 4.6x
Optical zoom, and 28mm
Leica DC Lens.
Score for: About P14,000
(Panasonic outlets)
0 2 SONY WALKMAN
W270
Swim with the shes
and keep 4GB of music
owing without any
worry of losing your
tunes with this two-in-one
headphones with built
in music player. With up
to eight hours of juice,
your skin will go pruney
before your music players
battery ever lets up.
Score for: P 4,999
(Sony Outlets)
03 LI FEPROOF
WATERPROOF CASE
Covers your precious
smartphone and keeps it
from getting wet. Your
touchscreen devices still
work as smoothly as if
nothings covering it. Its
also dirt-proof, shock-proof,
and looks good above water.
Score for: P3,950
(Beyond the Box)
04 SUUNTO D9TX
Not a wristwatch, but a
dive computer that just
happens to slap on your
wrist as it links to, and
monitors your oxygen
on the way down, and
decompression levels on
the way up, navigating you
in the deep via a digital
compass and ve free-diving
modes. Steeled in titanium
and a slip-on bracelet, it
doubles as a fancy timepiece
above water, too.
Score for: About P50,000,
Suunto distributors
Nowhere to
go but up
Wet enough
to go under
ADVENTURE
01
01
02
03
03
04
WHETHER I T S
PI TCHI NG A TENT AND
KI CKI NG DI RT, FI NDI NG
YOURSELF BEACHSI DE
OR GOI NG WAY
UNDERWATER THESE
ARE YOUR PERFECT
COMPANI ONS
02
04
GET
LUCKY
Feng shui tips to keep
your car out of harms
way, courtesy of our
friends from Ford
G i v e i t a n a m e . When you have a
connection to something, youll take better
care of it, advises the feng shui tip sheet. So
give your car a nameit doesnt matter if its
masculine or feminine, Pinoy or Frenchto
forge a strong connection between you two.
Obama, for one, has a Ford Escape Hybrid
named The Beast.
E n h a n c e y o u r c h i . Chi, as you may
already know, is described as the natural ow
of energy. A chi enhancer is something that
promotes well-being through the senses,
says our expert. Go for something thats not
too distractingsmall chimes or a calming
essential oil will do.
The new er of smart
dri vi ng begi ns wi th
the Ford EcoSport
U P G R A D E
WO RDS: A L E X PA I TA
M
O
T
O
R
C o l o r i s i m p o r t a n t . Our expert
recommends that you pick a car color that
balances your personality. For example, ery
individuals can choose a water element color
like black to calm downand perhaps avoid
tickets, says our feng shui expert. Others
can choose re and wood element colors like
red and green to create more liveliness.
U s e s y m b o l s . Our feng shui expert
recommends: Add a little iconlike a statue
or a medal or a pictureas a reminder to drive
safely, to be courteous, or to reduce stress.
She adds that it doesnt necessarily have to
always be in sight, like those head-bobbing
dogs peddled by street vendors: It can even
be something tucked in the glove box.
K e e p i t c l e a n . The No. 1 enemy in
feng shui is clutter, as it can directly affect
your chi, our feng shui expert says. Let
the energy ow freely inside your car by
removing the clutter. Over time, clutter
creates stuck energypressure, depression,
or tension. Thats why it is important to
always keep your car neat and tidy.
Sleek and compact, yet commanding in
nature, the Ford EcoSport is just what every
penny-pinching, flood-fearing, and style-
savvy man needs. The hotly anticipated
mini SUV, like a Ford Fiesta raised on
growth balls, has a 200mm ground
clearance and boasts a capability to wade
through 550mm-deep water. Inside, its
rich in techie features standard in recent
Ford releases, such as voice control and
SYNC Bluetooth and USB connection.
Random weekend trip to the beach? No
problem, the EcoSport has 20 storage
spaces and a boot load capacity that can fit a
560-liter washing machineshould you decide
to leave your labandera behind.
F ORD E COSPORT
Engi ne: 1.5L TiVCT,
4-cylinder
Transmi ssi on:
5-speed manual
(Ambiente and Trend
variants); Powershift
6-speed AT (Trend and
Titanium variants)
Max power:
110Ps@6,300rpm
Max torque:
142Nm@4,500rpm
Pri ce: From P775,000
(MT) up
V I T A L S
L
ike video killing the radio star, laptops (and
consumer convenience) have killed the build-
your-own-PC. But cobbling that black box from
scratch is not only fulllingdone right, it gets
you a machine capable of doing so much more
than the average MacBook Air.
Today, the PC is becoming a welcome upgrade
in your living room. Capable of streaming and
downloading all kinds of content, its the logical
partner to your TVwhile also providing next-
generation gaming from platforms like Steam
(Bloomberg quotes an estimated 75 percent of digital
games purchased for PC as of October 2013 are
through Steam). TV ends and gamers aside, theres
a variety of people to whom a build-your-own PC just
makes sense: Photographers, video editors, and lets not
forget, cheapskates, too.
PC tech may have radically changed over the
decades, but one thing remains the same: building your
own PC is always the cheapest, most bang-for-your-
buck option.
Processor
The brains of
the operation.
Intels Haswell
processors are
the latest and
greatest, so
get one if your
budget can
take it. Last
generations
Ivy Bridge
processors are
plenty fast and
will still do for
most needs.
Mot herboard
Its called the
motherboard
because
everything
connects
to it, like a
mothership.
Makes sense,
right? Get
a big ATX
mobo for a big
casing, and a
mini-ITX mobo
for a small one.
RAM
8GB is good
enough for
most needs,
including
gaming. If
you plan on
doing a lot of
multitasking,
get 16GB.
Theres not
much point to
loading up your
PC with more
even though
its possible.
Casi ng
The box for your
motherboard.
Casings can
be anything
from cheap
Chinese
knockoffs to
fancy ones with
LED lights and
an aquarium.
Theyve even
made a PC
casing out of a
case of beer...
clever, eh?
Power
Suppl y
As the name
suggests, it
supplies your
PC with power.
You need one.
Get a modular
one if you
want to reduce
clutter inside
your case.
Hard Dri ve
Solid state
drives (SSD)
are all the rage
now that the
prices have
gone down.
Theres no
reason not
to get one.
Theyre better
than regular
hard drives in
so many ways.
The beauty of
building a PC is you
dont have to buy
everything all at the
same time. Buy the
basic system rst
and then add to it
when you need to, or
when your budget
allows.
BASI C SYSTE M
U P G R A D E
BUI LD
SCRATCH
Why? Its cheaper, its customizable,
and being a nerd god isnt as difficult
as it sounds. Lets begin
YOUR OWN PC
SAMPLE BUI LDS
T H E G A MI N G R I G
Weve based the specs of this build
on this years mid-range Steam
PC. Which means playing current
generation games at high settings
will be acommodated, and playing
next gen games should be an
impressive experience for a year
or two.
WHAT
ARE WE
LOOKING AT
EXACTLY?
PARTS
I DE NTI F I CATI ON
F
R
O
M
T H E P R O MA C H I N E
This build pulls out all the stops
and has the best of everything
provided its not too difcult to
nd locally. We tried to match the
specs of Apples Mac Pro, where
possible.
W
O
R
D
S
:
V
I
N
C
E
S
A
L
E
S
;
I
L
L
U
S
T
R
A
T
I
O
N
S
:
J
O
H
N
L
A
U
R
E
N
C
E
P
A
T
U
L
A
N
T H E B U D G E T B U S T E R
Cheaper builds are available, but
for this one, you get specs similar
to an entry-level, Haswell-equipped
MacBook Pro. Because its no speed
demon and cool down shouldnt be a
problem, weve opted for a small-ish
Micro ATX case. Best part? A video
card addition easily upgrades it into
a gaming PC.
Vi deo Card
Think of a
video card as
nitrous oxide.
Your computer
doesnt need it,
but it will sure
go faster with
it. Its a must if
you plan to do
any gaming. If
you dont, your
processors
integrated
graphics will
do just ne.
Opt i cal Dri ve
The MacBook
Air doesnt
come with an
optical drive,
and you dont
need one
either. Unless
you want to
play a Blu-ray
disc. Or if
you still buy
CDs, and your
favorite pop
star is Tiffany.
Wi - Fi
If your motherboard doesnt have
it built-in, you may want to get a
Wi-Fi module.
Bl uet oot h
You can get a
module, or a
USB Bluetooth
adapter. They
cost next to
nothing.
Card reader
Not essential,
but nice to
have, especially
if youre into
photography/
videography.
Fans
Recommended
cooling for a
regular-sized
tower. Includes
one fan in front
and one at the
side to suck air
in, and one on
top and one
at the back to
blow air out.
This should
keep your PC
nice and frosty.
Fan
cont rol l er
Manual control
of your PCs
fans is great
if youre
overclocking.
Or if youre
just OC
about heat
management.
More hard
dri ves
Slap in every
spare hard
drive that
can t into
the case for
maximum
storage. You
can also
create a RAID
system ideal
for backups.
Wat er
cool i ng
An alternative
to a large
heatsink is
to invest in a
water cooling
module that
sticks straight
to your
processor
and has a fan
to blow the
heat out of the
case.
PC- BUI LDI NG
CLI CHS EXPL AI NE D
YO U O N LY N E E D 8 G B O F
R A M F O R G A MI N G.
YO U R P C CA N G O A S F A S T
A S YO U CA N C O O L I T.
D O N T G O C H E A P O N T H E
P O WE R S U P P LY.
8GB of RAM is widely considered enough. But
since RAM doesnt cost much, many PC builders
go overboard with 16GB. The extra RAM can still
be useful for keeping lots of apps open at the same
time, though.
Your processor is rated to go at 3.4GHz, but it can
go faster with a few changes in your BIOS. This
is called overclocking. The tradeoff is that your
processor will get hotter. It can keep getting faster
as long as you keep the temp down using heatsinks,
fans, and/or water cooling.
A high quality power supply keeps your components
from getting fried in case of power uctuations and
saves electricity in the long run. A large one also
leaves room for future expansions (i.e. second video
card). No point getting more power though if youre
not expanding.
OPTI ONAL PARTS
Weve made three sample builds to show you how cheap and powerful
your rig can get, and we threw in a mid-range gaming rig in between
Tot al f or t he basi c
syst em:
P22, 24 5 ( + gr aphi cs )
Versus l atest MacBook
Pro wi th Reti na di spl ay:
P67, 9 9 0
syst em:
P6 8, 320
Versus mi d-range
Steam Machi ne:
About P8 0, 000
syst em:
P115, 3 00
Versus Quad Core
Mac Pro:
P115, 9 9 0
Processor : I nt el Cor e i 5- 4 570 P9, 100
Graphi cs: I nt el H D5 000 i nt egr at ed gr aphi cs
( bui l t - i n t o pr oces s or )
Mot her board: Gi gaby t e GA- H81M- DS2
Mi cr o ATX P2, 9 00
RAM: Ki ngst on Hyper x Bl u 8GB DDR3 P3, 800
HDD: 1TB Wes t er n Di gi t al
Bl ue S ATA3 P2, 9 9 5
Case: Cougar Spi ke Bl ack
Mi cr o ATX cas e P1, 5 00
Power Suppl y: Ant ec V P4 5 0P 4 5 0W P1, 9 5 0
Processor : I nt el Cor e i 7- 4770 P14, 15 0
Graphi cs: E V GA GTX 770 P23, 170
Mot her board: Gi gaby t e Z87X
( GA- Z87X- D3H P) P7, 200
RAM: Ki ngs t on Hy per x Bl u
8G B X 2 P3, 8 00 X 2
SSD: SanDi s k 25 6G B S S D 2. 5 S ATA P8, 15 0
Case: Cor s ai r 3 00R wi t h wi ndow P4, 3 5 0
Power Suppl y: Cool er mast er
GX650W 80+ Br onze P3, 700
Processor : I nt el Cor e i 7- 4770 P14, 15 0
Graphi cs: Dual AMD Fi r e Pr o P30, 000 X 2
Mot her board: Gi gaby t e Z87X
( GA- Z87X- U D3H) P9, 6 00
RAM: Ki ngst on Hyper x Bl u 8GB X P3, 800 X 2
SSD: SanDisk 256GB SSD 2.5 SATA P8, 15 0
Case: Cool er Mast er St orm Trooper P6, 950
Power Suppl y: Cor s ai r HX10 5 0W 8 0+
Si l v er Modul ar P8, 8 5 0
Where to buy? Gilmore is the mecca for PC
builders in Manila, and most PC Express
stores have a variety of components available.
Online, you can hit TipidPC. If youre wily in
the ways of international shipping, PC parts
should be 10%-30% cheaper on Amazon.
Insert your processor into
your motherboard. Your
motherboard should match
the socket number of your
processor. For example: LGA
1150.
Install your processors
heatsink and fan. If youre
using a water cooler, install
that instead.
Install your RAM. Theres only
one way to insert each stick. So
dont sweat it. Now attach your
motherboard to the casing.
If you have a video card,
connect it to the motherboard
now. If you have two video
cards, connect them to each
other too.
Connect your SSD/HDD to your
motherboard.
Connect other devices such
as your optical drive, card
reader, fans, and front panel
connectors to the motherboard.
Install your power supply and
connect it to your motherboard
and other devices. Typically,
youll need two connectors
for your mobo, one for your
videocard and one connector for
each of your hard drives.
Say a little prayer.
Connect your
monitor,
keyboard
and mouse
and power on your PC.
Set up the BIOS for your
operating system installation.
Install your operating system.
Youre done. Close your case
and celebrate. Time for a well-
deserved beer!
01
02
03
04
05
06
07
08
09
10
11
12
SHOULD I
PC
BUI LD?
The cheap kind.
Im on a budget
I just need a
browser and
some basic apps
I want to
play games
Tough nuts.
A gaming rig
costs money.
Sure you
can, if Tetris
counts
Photographer?
Graphic Designer?
Art Director?
Video
Editor?
I Just need it
for MS Ofce
Maximum
settings all
the way, baby!
Give me life
in Candy
Crush poh!
Just give
me a steady
frame rate
Im serious this
is for work
I want something
portable
Anything goes,
money is no object
B U D G E T
B U S T E R
G A MI N G
R I G
B UY A
L A PTO P.
YO U R E
I N T H E
WR O N G
A RT I C L E
P R O
MA C H I N E
A N I PA D
I S A
C O MP UT E R
TO O
U P G R A D E
TIP: Two video cards working in tandem can
be more cost-effective than one super powerful
card. As a rule of thumb, though, go with the
single most powerful video card you can afford.
DOI NG I T
W
H
A
T
K
I N
D
O
F
L o r d, s a n a
u ma n da r . . .
P
START
AGAI N
168 FHM MARCH 2014 www.fhm h facebook.com/FHM.ph twitter.com/fhmphil fhmphilofcial
AY, PUKE!
I went out to drink with
my ofcemates after work.
After downing a few bottles
of beer, I already felt dizzy.
I knew I would throw up
anytime, so I just decided
to head home and call it a
night. I took an ordinary
bus home, thinking having
the windows down for fresh
air would nurse my nausea.
When I got in the bus, all
seats by the window were
taken, so I had no choice
but sit along the aisle.
The bus drivers swerving
and the smell of cheap air
freshener didnt help at all. I
felt even dizzier and started
regurgitating. I felt lucky
when I found a plastic bag
in my purse. I nished off
and felt quite better. A few
minutes after throwing up, I
felt something warm on my
thighs. When I checked, I
saw my barf dripping from a
tiny hole in the bag! I rushed
T RUE ST ORI E S
FAI LURE
I S
FUNNY
out of the bus, threw the
plastic bag, and took a jeep
instead. I went home sober
out of embarrassment.
Mary, by email
CHI PS TRI CK
I invited my barkada over to
my place for our annual get-
together. For a big circle of
friends, its not new to us to
get rowdy and wild at parties.
We were all drunk from
shooting tequila and whisky.
Our backyard was a mess
with all the liquor bottles,
bags of chips, and paper
plates scattered around. It
was past three in the morning
when one of my guy friends
took a bag of chips, folded
its edges, and tipped it over
his mouth. He was surprised
to get cigarette butts, tissue
paper, and crumbs in his
mouth. Apparently, the bag of
chips was used as a trash bag
and ashtray.
Amanda, by email
HEART OF GLASS
I interned for a
photographer for my on-
the-job training back in
college. I was asked to assist
in photo shoots, and when
I was on break, I got to
chit-chat with the models.
Majority of the models I
worked with were nice,
but some were masungit.
There was this one model
who was really bossy with
everyone. When her hair
and makeup was done, and
the crew was all set, she
demanded for a yosi
break. She arrogantly
walked past everyone
and tried to step out
the studio when
thump! She hit
the sliding glass
door! She was so
embarrassed, but
acted nice around
everyone after.
FeFe Ramirez, by
email
BREAKFAST BLUES
I had a big crush on my
English professor back in
college, and I would often
be the bibo kid in class so I
could catch her attention. It
was the rst semester of the
year when our English exam
was scheduled on a morning.
I just had breakfast right
before our exam, but I didnt
think the hot chocolate I
took would get me in trouble.
I felt my stomach grumble
halfway through our exam,
so I had to pass my paper
even when I was not yet
done. When I got up to hand
my paper to my professor,
I farted. It was especially
audible because the class was
quiet. I just blew my chance
with my hot prof.
Gab J., by email
T R U E S T O R Y
Angela Gabrielle
This happened one night
while I was drinking at
a friends house. I am
usually the one who gets
drunk in the barkada rst,
so I almost always end
up dozing off earlier than
everyone else. That night,
my friends panicked
when they realized I was
missing. They checked
all the rooms and I was
nowhere to be found.
They got even more
concerned when they
checked the bathroom
and it was locked! When
they broke down the
door, they found me
asleep on the oor and
too drunk to get
up. My guy friend
had to carry my
dead weight
all the way to
the bedroom.
It was a major
laugh-fest the
morning after.
I
L
L
U
S
T
R
A
T
I
O
N
:
G
I
L
B
E
R
T
D
A
R
O
Y
;
A
N
G
E
L
A
G
A
B
R
I
E
L
L
E
S
P
H
O
T
O
:
E
J
A
Y
L
E
U
N
G
O
F
M
I
D
N
I
G
H
T
B
O
N
K
E
R
S

FHM Philippines March 2014

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