Dear Ms.

Hofmann,
This semester we did a lot of work with small groups and talking to our peers to give
feedback and critique each others writing. Three examples of me giving specific feedback to my
peers are in the peer response to the evaluative bibliography, the peer response to our research
proposals, and the inquiry essay draft forum when I responded to Justin.
In the peer response to the evaluative bibliographies we worked with our small groups
and gave each person feedback on their assignment. My group divided the assignment up so each
of us responded to one person in the group. I responded to Jasmines. Jasmine did a great job
finding credible sources that worked for her inquiry question but she did not follow the model
you gave us to follow. I told her that she found good sources and summarized them thoroughly,
but she should go back and follow the instructions to make sure the assignment is completed
correctly.
When we responded to each others research proposals I also gave feedback to Jasmine.
This feedback was much more critical but hopefully constructive. After reading Jasmines
research proposal, I had a lot of questions about her inquiry topic. I thought she needed to look
further into her topic and research the differences in teacher pay more. Both on a national and
global scale. I told Jasmine a few ways she could look deeper into her topic and hopefully
steered her off the research track and got her more focused on inquiry.
In response to the inquiry essay drafts, Ryan and I were assigned to read and respond to
Justin and Wills drafts. We split up the work so I was responding to Justins and Ryan
responded to Wills. Justin did a great job with his essay and I told him that. He seemed to really
grasp the concept of inquiry and was well on his way to writing a good paper. One thing I
thought Justin needed to do was stay on topic with his writing and keep to his inquiry question.
He was looking at video game violence and how it affects real-life violence and I think he could
have done a lot better job of tying in his research to violence in the real world. I told him specific
things to research like statistics on recent violence and how many kids are playing violent games.
I think both these things could help him a lot because he definitely needed more focus on the
violence aspect of gaming rather than just gaming in general and how it can take over someones
life.
Another great benefit of working with peers is receiving feedback. Throughout the
semester, I got very helpful feedback on many assignments that I submitted on Moodle. Two
examples of helpful feedback I received were on the inquiry essay draft and the writing multiple
leads assignment.
On the essay draft, Jenna and Jessica gave me very helpful feedback that helped me re-
think my inquiry question and helped me get out of the usual research paper writing style. The
best advice they gave me was to incorporate more of my personal experiences and findings and
less stating facts so that I would be able to steer away from writing a research paper. Using their
advice, I opened my final draft with a paragraph about my experience on 9/11 and I think this
helped set up my inquiry on securing airplanes. Another thing their advice did was make me
realize that I cannot write an inquiry paper on simply arming pilots. I needed to look at defending
planes in general and give an overview of strategies to do so. Using their advice, I believe I was
able to turn my essay into a true inquiry paper.
Though I didnt use any of the leads from the writing multiple leads assignment, I think
the advice I got from Jackie helped me in understanding how to write a lead that is believable as
well as interesting to the reader. She completely bashed my third intro which I didnt understand
at the time but now I see why. The third intro was supposed to be fake and she didnt realize that,
but after going back and reading it I completely understand why she found it so awful. It was
way too over the top and dramatic to be even somewhat believable. Using Jackies advice helped
me write my final intro which I think was much more effective. It was not hypothetical or overly
dramatic, but I think it makes the reader look back and think about their experience on 9/11 and
how they heard the news of the tragedies that occurred. Also, I think it led into my topic well
because it makes people think about how big of a deal airline security is.
With regards to my homework and other outside of class assignments, Id say I was
invested for the grade. Throughout the semester we were assigned drafts of essays, assignments
from The Curious Researcher, and other written assignments that we turned in on Moodle. I
think I could have invested myself more into all of them. My effort stopped once I deemed my
work satisfactory which is obviously not something to brag about. I think my writing and
researching skills would have developed a lot more had I committed myself 100% to all
assignments. One assignment we did was the first draft of our inquiry papers. My effort was
there and I really cared about the assignment. However, at this point I hadnt yet developed a
true inquiry question. My question was Should pilots be armed? and developed into How can
planes be protected from terrorists? The second question allowed me to inquire rather than
research to prove a point. I understood the difference between inquiry and research after I talked
to you after the submission of our second draft. I then rewrote my paper completely. Another
Assignment we did outside of class was the evaluative bibliography. We were told to choose five
sources from our inquiry and were given a format for going into depth on each source. My
investment in this assignment was very low. I did a quick google search on armed pilots and
slapped together the assignment using the provided format. I think I should have been more
serious about this assignment in particular because it could really help me analyze sources for
useful information and determine a sources credibility. One last assignment we did outside of
class that Id like to talk about is the original Inquiry project proposal we did near the beginning
of the semester. I really like this assignment, though I had no idea what I wanted to do my
inquiry on or even what inquiry is. We were told to write about our proposed topic of inquiry and
I chose How to become and investor. This is something that has always been important to me
because Ive been interested in investing my whole life. However, this assignment did not have
anything to do with my final inquiry topic. Because of this, I included it here because it shows
how far my inquiry project came from the beginning of the semester to now.
Utilizing Ballengers The Curious Researcher was very important to my inquiry project.
In Chapter 2 there was a major focus on research strategies and evaluating sources. Reading it
helped me understand that Google searches arent going to cut it for a college inquiry paper. I
need to utilize previous works that are related to my topic if I want to get into my topic. Using
his advice, I found a lot of great information about defending planes that other people wrote.
Using their research, I was able to compile their ideas and form my own. Another thing from
Ballenger that helped me a lot with my paper was in chapter 4. Near the end of the chapter, there
was a section on considering the audience youre writing to. This section related to the overall
project but was not a specific thing to write about or a format to include in the paper, it was just a
guideline so that the paper interests those who end up reading it. This helped me, especially in
my introduction, because I thought a lot about how I could get the reader interested in my topic
and decided that making them think of their day on September 11
th
, 2001 would do the trick.
Ballenger also helped me in Chapter 5 with his list of alternatives to wordy stock phrases.
Though nothing on this list was in my paper, it helped me understand the kinds of phrases to
look for in my revision process so that my paper is my own voice and sounds more like
something I would say.
I think you really helped me understand inquiry versus research. If I were you I would do
the exact same thing you did with us this semester. Thanks a lot for putting up with me and
always being understanding of anything that came up. Have a great summer!

Sincerely,
Benjamin L. Harrison