Gretchen Herb

Dr. Jeffry Iovannone

WSGT 491
3/4/14

U-Haul
There seems to be many rules and stereotypes that are expected of us in
relationships. Such as, who calls first, who asks for the first date, who makes the
first move, etc. These rules and culture is created through the social contructs we
place on men and women. These social constructs lead to stereotypes of different
sexualities. For instance gay men only want sex without a relationship. Heterosexual
couples are a slave to their patriarchal environment. Lesbians prefer not to be
sexual and only be in a relationship because of its emotional value. All of these
stereotypes I would say are valid, but dont always apply. When one deviats from
these norms they can be ostracized from their own sexuality. In Liahnae Gordons
study on Embracing and Resisting Stereotypes in a Lesbian Community we see an
interesting take on the lesbian culture that is not always properly represented.
The participants feel this community both exist and doesnt it is palpable
but is not tangible.

What exactly does this mean for the lesbian community? Does it mean that
this community is more underground? For instance the community is discussed but
is it physically there. This statement rang true for the lesbians that were apart of the
study. Gordon introduces the reader to the different labels of lesbian groups from
Bloomington that were involved in her study. The subcomunities consisted of,
university lesbians, professional lesbians, church lesbians, students, 12-steppers,
lesbians in the arts, pagan lesbians, lesbian feminist and trailer park dykes. Gordon
mentions that these were just a few of the subcomunities in Bloomington. I myself
also identify with parts of the lesbian community, but have rarely heard of these
identifiers for lesbians. I go to school with university or student lesbians, and know
of the term dyke but have never been exposed to such specific identifiers that make
up this community. That is why this statement really resonated with me as a queer
woman. There is discourse about the lesbian culture (especially in Fredonia), yet
there are no rules that are set in stone. When I think about it though, Fredonia can
be broken up into their own different subcommunities. Theres the rugby lesbians,
women and gender studies lesbians, WSU lesbians, pride lesbians, artsy lesbians,
theater lesbians, etc. We label these lesbians and give them stereotypes because
putting people in groups makes sense. This is palpable to the human mind, but when
one breaks down those stereotypes is when it becomes non-tangible. Do these
lesbians prefer to be known as this? And does anyone really fit perfectly into these
cookie cutter molds? Its a perplexing concept that Gordan goes over in some of her
interviews. She also mentions that her study could have gone very differently if she
had used different subgroups of lesbians.
Its one of the things I like about men, they dont seem to lose their sex drive
as quickly, and I dont know if its really losing sex drive or losing a sense of
difference or exploration of what, but I think with women its been much harder to
maintain the sexual element of the relationship, and I usually get cast as the villain ,
as to aggressive.
This is referred to as lesbian bed death. I enjoyed this interview the most
because of the honesty put forth from the interviewee. Quite often this kind of thing
is discussed in the lesbian community. Female couples grow so close to each other,
and caught up in their lives that they dont feel the need to have a sexual
relationship with one another. It becomes more about the emotional experience. We
can also see this stereotype in the media for heterosexual couples too. Aside from
that though, I wanted to discuss more in depth why this kind of behavior occurs, and
is it more often associated with lesbian couples? I find it ironic that this stereotype
has occurred, because there seems to be more of a general acceptance for lesbian
couples in society than gay couples. This may be because women are more prone to
being sexually fluid than men. Its also way more accepted for women to identify as
lesbian than men to identify as gay (Since gay is associated with the feminine). So
from this there comes a comfort level that is stereotypically developed very quickly
amongst female lesbians. Women that were once friends can develop into lovers and
visa versa. Womens fluidity is typically based off of emotion, whereas mens is
based off of sex. This is not always the case, but could be the cause or reason why we
believe lesbian bed death occurs. Another reason could be based off of the
stereotype for heterosexual couples. During some of the interviews various lesbians
discussed that they truly believed that sex for hetero couples was based off a
partriarical relationship. The man controls the woman in bed, and out. When sex is
with a man it becomes about power and control. Lesbians are then deemed as
unsexual because there is no man involved. Or sex becomes deamanized because the
media and society promotes this relationship of power and control between men
and women. In order to conteract this societal construct lesbian base their sex off of
emotion instead of sexual pleasure. This then leading to lesbian bed death. The
lesbian in this interview states that she becomes the bad guy when she wants more
from sex than just emotion. She wants the raw hardcore sexual attraction too.
Because of societal norms it is wrong for this women to want this kind of
relationship with another women. Women are not aloud to want sex in this way.
However men are aloud to want this because its attributed to their nature. Hence,
why the stereotype that gay men only want one night stands exists. Lesbian bed
death has become a social construct that then becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy for
lesbian couples. Except why is this always a bad thing? Why is every couple
expected to maintain an exciting, regular sex life. Lesbian bed death is such a
negative way of putting it. Some couples may prefer more of an emotional
relationship. Gordon interviewed a woman with this opinion. As a read I know that I
would have preferred it if she had gone into depth on this womans opinion, because
often times we are told that its an unhealthy relationship if the couple is not to
having sex regularly.
Stereotypes seem to be the controlling factor in the lesbian culture. Yet, dont
they control every group that considers themselves a social community? Having
these stereotypes and rules can be helpful, especially when we are trying to
understand a group of people that is different from our own. The important point
here is that just because one falls into these stereotypes does not mean they define
exactly who they are as people.