IssueExploration:ToDealWithGrief

AmparoNakagawa
ENGL1010
July26,2014

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Grief has been part of my life for the past three years I have decided research
about grief in hope to find the help a healing process that was right for me. What exactly
has caused me grief is the death of three immediate members of my family. As everyone
has their own opinion on how to deal with grief, what am I looking for its the methods and
answers to find peace and acceptance. No one can truly understand the pain until they
have been in a similar situation. There are different views related to grief which I find
interesting:medical,religious,andcultural.
When the first member of my family died, my brother, I was in shocked I was angry
and in denial not him questioning why he had to die. The second who passed was my
sister about a year later. At that point in time It was too much for me to handle, sudden
death is always hard to deal with. A feeling of guilt took over me I was not talking to her at
the time of her dead. Another year later my mother passed away after this I wanted to be
left alone. I felt tired and exhausted after so much pain over a short period of time, silence
wasthebestwaytodealwithmygrief.
The first source I found useful was free national website, Good Therapy, written by
Tonya Lapido. In one of her articles in her website, Out Of The Darkness, Lapido explains
that Grief is the reaction to any loss and Bereavement is the process of recovering from
the dead of a love one. Through this article, it was a very clear and helpful website written
and researched by specialists for the public's need. The article also explains of the
different phases of grief, Denial: this cant be happening to me, anger: why is this
happening, bargaining: make this not happen, and in return I will depression: I am
too sad to do anything, and acceptance: I am at peace with what happened. When life
is challenging, as it will be, we learn to take time to process how to come out of the
darkness. We learn to survive, heal, and be compassionate with ourselves. This web site
also gives a search engine to enter in a person's zipcode to find psychologists close to
their area. Over all I believe this website shows the everyday persons tools to utilize when
they are dealing with grief and help explains to them what grief is. Medically, everyone
needs to understand what is going on with themselves emotionally and physically, this is
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what I believe and the website provided it is one of the key steps in order to help
overcomegrief.
Another article I read was the Magills Medical Guide by Dr. Prest Layne in
psychology. Dr Layne states in his article, In our entire life we suffer of different kinds of
losses, the loss of a love one, important possessions or status, health and vitality and the
ultimately the loss of self through death. He explains that the biological level of the grief
experiences includes the neurological and physiological process, it takes place in various
organ systems of the body in response to the recognition of loss. These process in turn
form the basis for emotional and psychological reactions. Human beings are self reflective
creatures with the capacity for experiencing, reflecting upon and giving meaning to
sensations both physical and emotional. Consequently the physiological reactions of grief
that take place in the body are given meaning by those experiencing them. Death and grief
are often distasteful to human beings. This, though a little bit complicated at times explains
howourbodyisreactingthroughgriefandwhyitoccurs.
While it is very difficult and perhaps unfair to generalize about such an intensely
personal experience, these negative, fearful reactions are in part the result of an
individuals difficulty accepting the inevitability of our love ones death or our own.
KublerRoss points out in her timeless discourse On the Fear of Dying (On Death and
Dying, 1969) that guilty is perhaps the most painful companion of death and grief. Ross
goes on to explain in her article that, Guilt may result when people believe that they did not
pay enough attention to, care well enough for. The same feelings and thoughts are
prompted by loss of an ongoing relationship with the one who died as well the empathetic
response to what it might be like to die oneself. These three medical articles all very
different but give the reader a guide to understand ones grief, whether explaining it to the
average person, a biological response to why the body is doing what its doing, and on a
more personal level with why we feel the way we feel. All were good, all her helpful and I do
agreewithallofthem.

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Grief affects each individual so different to look at a person's cultural and religious
background are also other ways to approach grief. Years ago counselors used to follow
the theories that Sigmund Freud wrote in 1917 about detachment and the severing of ties
with love ones that died. He explained how one needs to let go and reinvest in new
relationships. This type of conversation of letting go move on needs to be struck from
our conversations about grief and mourning, said Father Terence Curley of the Catholic
Church counselor for over twenty years. Father Curley tells us that America is changing,
we live in a melting pot country people dont grieve in stages and that these concepts are
now seen not only outdated, but also not helpful. We need to listen and talk of other cultural
perspectives. As he tell us that, In many cultures in the world death does not end
relationships. While someone is physically absent they are still present in ones mind in
many ways. It show ways to redefine our relationships when physically separated by
death.Weneedtoremembernottosuperimposeourstandardsonothersculturalbeliefs.
This idea is very similar to counselor by Ligia Houben of Nicaraguense belief her
background is the study the hispanic culture through loss and grieving, how every country
in the spanish culture is so different. She stated, We need to be aware of each culture
specific needs. People deal with grief according to their specific culture customs and
traditions we have to define the principles of spirituality and apply to gief, each individual
would rely on religion/spirituality as a source of hope. She helped her readers understand
that instead of focusing on the outcome it is also essential to understand that hope
provides an element of optimism that has been proven an important resource for coping
with challenges or crises we encounter in life. As a counselor she says we need to realize
that what one may find abnormal or differentin ones culture may be perfectly normal in
otherculturesanditremindingofmysecondmeeting.
I could personally relate to Ligia theory through my divorce. I remembered I cried
day and night in pain I went to see a counselor to help me to deal with the pain and on my
second visit he asked me if in my family were alcoholics and if there were any drug use. Of
course I said no, I was so insulted and in shock, I felt humiliated, embarrassed I never went
back to that men. Later I moved to a female doctor who used to live in Argentina for a few
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years she laughed after I told her what my previous doctor told me and explained how she
understood Spanish people are very emotional and sensitive. She was very caring woman
andunderstandingafterIleftherofficemysoulwasinpeace.
The respect and caring act of Kindness and compassion for the pain of others was
another important article which involved religious belief. Religious beliefs are important to
peoples daily lives after I read the LDS web site I found a beautiful article of Elder Merrill
Bateman where he talked about the dead of one of his friends child a seventeen years old
young boy. This article was very touching to me, Merrill talks about the importance of
eternal family just as there are parents to greet a newborn on earth the scriptures teach that
caring family members greet spirits in paradise and assist them in the adjustments to a
new life. Having hope with regard to ones eternal destiny and experiencing joy must also
be part of life purpose. Death teaches that we do not experience a fullness of joy in
mortalityandthateverlastingjoycanbeachievedonlywiththeassistanceoftheMaster.
What it really made me happy was the fact that there are many different ways of
treatment and counseling to makes explaining and helping people more accessible. As I
continued my research I found the treatments which deals with recents studies on CAM
methods often used for psychological distress, especially depression and anxiety, which
together with fatigue so often severely reduce quality of life in the advanced palliative
situation. Some alternative techniques would be yoga, acupuncture some massage
techniques, and aromatherapy may have shortlasting positive effects on depression,
anxiety may be treated successfully. Some explained that some yoga techniques, music
therapy, mindfulness based stress reduction. There are so many ways to deal with death
and loss I imagined there must be one correct way to handle grief but for me that wasnt
the case. I found all these articles in one way or another helped me understand my
emotions better, gave me hope, and helped me find peace in the end. The more research
someonedoes,Ipersonallybelieve,thehappiertheywillbewiththeanswerstheyfind.

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Bibliography
"EmotionalOverwhelm."GoodTherapy.GoodTherapy,2May2014.Web.20July
2014.
TonyaLadipo,LCSW,RelationalPsychotherapy:OUTOFTHEDARKNESS

Grief,Loss,andBereavement.GoodTherapy,15May2014.Web.20July2014.

ThePowertoHealfromWithinbyElderMerrillJ.Bateman,TheChurchofJesus
ChristofLatterdaySaintswebsite

MagillsMedicalGuide(onlineEdition)September2013:Prest,LayneA.PhD,Guilt
(Psychology)