Letting Go of Judgement

Penned by Charles Burnell 2014

Delivered at the West Wind Unitarian Universalist Church
on Sunday, Auust !1st, 2014
"oday # $ant to tal% about &ud'ent( "his is a to)ic that )eo)le see' to et very aitated around(
When $e hear the $ord, it o*ten inites a little bit o* de*ensiveness( So *or the sa%e o* clarity # $ill
bein $ith the dictionary( Dictionary(co' lists + di**erent de*initions *or the $ord ,&ud'ent(-(
1( an act or instance o* .udin
2( the ability to .ude, 'a%e a decision or *or' an o)inion ob.ectively, and $isely, es)ecially
'atters a**ectin action, ood sense, discretion
!( the de'onstration or e/ercise o* such ability or ca)acity
4( the *or'in o* an o)inion, esti'ate, or conclusion, as *ro' circu'stances )resented to the 'ind
0( the o)inion *or'ed
1( 2a$ 3 a .udicial decision or a certi*icate o* court docu'ent that e'bodies such a decision
4( a 'is*ortune rearded as in*licted by divine sentence, as *or sin
+( 2ast &ud'ent( 3 the *inal trial o* all )eo)le, both livin and dead
"he Divine &ud'ent, the $eihin o* our souls a*ter our bodies e/)ire is not $hat # $ant to tal% about
today( #nstead lets *ocus on the )sycholoical )rocess o* ro$in( 2earnin *ro' our 'ista%es hel)s us
to 'a%e better decisions in si'ilar circu'stances( "he act o* collectin data, deter'inin )oints o*
re*erence, and dra$in conclusions *ro' our li*e e/)eriences hel)s us to better ,.ude- li*e situations(
We develo) $hat is o*ten re*erred to as ,co''on sense- as a result o* these s'aller conclusions, or
.ud'ents( We develo) rules *or our children, to try to teach the' ,ood .ud'ent-, *or the sa%e o*
sa*ety( ,Don5t tal% to straners(- is a reat e/a')le o* one o* these rules( Payin attention to details can
hel) the' avoid )otentially danerous situations or )eo)le(
We learn to )ay attention not only to the $ords that )eo)le s)ea%, but also their intonation, their body
lanuae( We teach our children to ,.ude- *or the sa%e o* sa*ety and to hel) the' develo) co''on
sense( 6eliious doctrines have so'e version o* ,la$- or ,creed- that instructs us 7ot to .ude others,
to leave bier .ud'ents to Divine 2a$( As a child, this see'ed to 'e, to su))ly a direct
contradiction(
8ne o* 'y oldest 'e'ories $ith 'y 'other is a reat e/a')le o* ho$ as a child, # $as able to
reconi9e the contradictions )resented by adults( # thin% so'eti'es $e ta%e *or ranted the di**erence
in de*initions o* ,co''on sense-, and e/)ect everyone else to .ust ,et it-( # don5t thin% $e should
assu'e that everyone sees thins the sa'e $ay( And $e need to be care*ul not to ,.ude- others *or
havin a di**erent )ers)ective( Discussions about these di**erences can hel) us to understand each other
better(
# 'ust have been ! or 4 years old( We $ere in a )ublic laundro'at( # had ta%en u) a conversation $ith a
'an, and $as sittin on a table hel)in hi' *old his laundry( # re'e'ber he see'ed li%e a nice )erson(
:e $as Caucasian, tall, $ith short blond curly hair, and visibly older than 'y )arents( # re'e'ber that
# *elt )er*ectly co'*ortable in the situation( # did not )erceive it as danerous( When 'y 'other
discovered $here # $as, and $hat # $as doin, she ;uic%ly and )olitely re'oved 'e *ro' the situation(
# re'e'ber her scoldin 'e, and tellin 'e that # $asn5t su))osed to tal% to straners( # didn5t
understand( # as%ed her, ,#* # don5t tal% to straners, ho$ $ill # ever 'a%e ne$ *riends<- # re'e'ber
each o* us bein *rustrated $ith one another *or not bein able to understand each others )ers)ective( #
reconi9ed a direct contradiction, and she *ailed to )rovide a satis*actory ans$er(
As adults, $e reconi9e that there are di**erent %inds o* .ud'ent, and the ob.ective situational
.ud'ent that $e use to conduct ourselves and learn *ro' our e/)eriences is 78" the sa'e %ind o*
.ud'ent that the &udeo=christian creed re*ers to( ,&ude not, lest ye be .uded- or so'e variation
thereo*, re*ers to the conce)t that it is not our )lace to .ude one another( We should *ocus instead on
betterin ourselves, and leave the reater .ud'ent o* other )eo)les action u) to the hiher )o$er( "hat
,od- *or lac% o* better ter's $ill .ude the' eventually, and $e should not s)end too 'uch ti'e
$orryin about it(
8ne o* 'y *avorite )assaes in the bible is the story o* &esus at the >ount o* 8lives( # *eel # should
state that # do not necessarily aree on $hat constitutes ,Sin- or ,Adultery-, ho$ever, # believe this
)assae )rovides a reat e/a')le o* ho$ i')ortant it is *or us to *ocus on betterin ourselves rather
than *ocusin on the $hat $e )erceives as ,*aults- in other )eo)le( # a' sure 'ost o* you are *a'iliar
$ith the story( # have co)ied this out o* the 7e$ #nternational ?ersion o* the the Bible(
2 At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he
sat down to teach them. 3 The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in
adultery. They made her stand before the group 4 and said to Jesus, Teacher, this woman was caught
in the act of adultery. !n the "aw #oses commanded us to stone such women. $ow what do you
say%& ' They were using this (uestion as a trap, in order to ha)e a basis for accusing him.
*ut Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. + ,hen they -ept on
(uestioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "et any one of you who is without sin be the
first to throw a stone at her.& . Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.
/ At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was
left, with the woman still standing there. 01 Jesus straightened up and as-ed her, ,oman, where are
they% 2as no one condemned you%& 00 $o one, sir,& she said. ,Then neither do ! condemn you,&
Jesus declared. 3o now and lea)e your life of sin.&
When # delivered the 'y ser'on on 2ove, the Sunday be*ore ?alentines Day, # $as nervous( # $as
a*raid o* bein .uded and re.ected( >y *ears $ere not su))orted, as 'any o* you than%ed 'e
a*ter$ard, as $ell as the *ollo$in Sunday( # don5t re'e'ber $ho said it to 'e, but one o* you
'entioned an interest in $hat # 'iht have to say about the conce)t o* &ud'ent(
# thouht that it $ould be easy( @et, as # bean to consider e/actly $hat # $anted to say, # $as *orced to
con*ront 'y o$n *aults $hen it co'es to .ud'ent( # *ound that # have several 'ista%es in 'y li*e,
that= $hile # believed # had learned *ro' the' 3 # reali9ed that # had not iven 'ysel* the a'ount o*
understandin and nurture necessary to actually *orive 'ysel*( "hat $as a )retty touh thin to ad'it
to 'ysel*(
Aain, # revisit the i')ortance o* learnin *ro' our 'ista%es, to better ourselves( "here is a delicate
balance bet$een .udin a )ersons behavior, to hel) us deter'ine ho$ to conduct ourselves around
the' and allo$in ourselves to *or' o)inions about another )ersons character or li*e choices( "here is
a line, a )oint in $hich $e 'ust sto) )ayin attention to the behavior o* others, $hen $e 'ust cease
our .ud'ents( and )ractice the creed ,thou shall not .ude-( "hat line see's to $aver, and so'eti'es
it is easy to cross i* $e are not diliently )olicin our o$n behavior( We also need to be care*ul not to
.ude ourselves too harshly(
While learnin *ro' our 'ista%es is essential *or healthy ro$th and develo)'ent o* character, there is
also a line, a )oint in $hich it is i')ortant to cease .ud'ent and turn it over to our hiher )o$er(
Ulti'ately, to Divine &ud'ent( #n raisin 'y children, # have tried to instill in the' the i')ortance o*
bein able to acce)t constructive criticis'( # have also advised the', to be cautious about ta%in to
heart criticis' *ro' )ersons $ho do not also o**er healthy encourae'ent( #n order to nurture
ourselves, it is i')ortant that $e a))ly the sa'e rules o* conduct $ithin our )ersonal relationshi) $ith
ourselves( @ou 'ust be able to love yoursel* be*ore you can share healthy love $ith others, and the
sa'e rules a))ly to .ud'ent(
8*ten $hen $e see thins that bother us about other )eo)le, it ends u) bein so'ethin that re*lects
inconsistencies $ithin our o$n lives( As the bible ;uotes ,@ou, there*ore, have no e/cuse, you $ho
)ass .ud'ent on so'eone else, *or at $hatever )oint you .ude another, you are conde'nin yoursel*,
because you $ho )ass .ud'ent do the sa'e thins(-
#* so'ethin really bothers you, it is i')ortant to ta%e the ti'e to consider it( Sit $ith that *eelin(
Allo$ yoursel* to e/)lore $hat is really botherin you( #s it so'ethin that you have )o$er over, to
chane( #s it so'ethin that is not related to you at all< #* it is not )art o* your li*e, does not have any
bearin on your li*e $hatsoever, let it o( #* it is so'ethin $ithin your reach, ta%e the ti'e to consider
$hat you can do about it( Don5t beat yoursel* u) over 'ista%es( A'brace the' as o))ortunities to ro$
and 'ove *or$ard( @our )unish'ent should never out $eih your cri'e( Whether sel*=in*licted or not(
Another ;uote borro$ed *ro' the bibleB
,because o* your stubbornness and your unre)entant heart, you are storin u) $rath aainst yoursel* ,
Don5t *all into the tra) o* doin this( A *riend once described this act as 'eta)horically thro$in
yoursel* do$n the stairs( Why $ould you do that< What 'a%es you thin% that you deserve that %ind o*
abuse<
2ast $ee% &i' Aller tal%ed about a)oloies as the *irst ste) in the )rocess o* *oriveness(
We have to learn ho$ to ive and acce)t a)oloies *ro' ourselves( We have to allo$ ourselves to
*orive ourselves *or the 'ista%es that $e have 'ade( "his is 7ot the sa'e thin as .usti*yin 'ista%es(
So'eti'es it ta%es a reat deal o* consideration to be able to accurately identi*y or )in)oint ,bad
.ud'ent-( What trans*or's this ,bad .ud'ent- into a )ositive e/)erience, is directly re*lected by
ho$ $e choose to interact $ith ourselves( Whether $e are $illin to o$n our actions, our choices, our
$ords 3 directly i')acts our ability to 'a%e )ositive chanes 'ovin *or$ard(
#n the )rocess o* researchin *or this ser'on, # *ound a Ser'on $ritten by the 6everend 2illie 7ye, in
7ove'ber 200+( She tal%s about transcendin bi=)olar e/tre'es, as a society, and as individuals( Usin
the election o* Barac% 8ba'a and an e/a')le to illustrate this $ithin our society( # $ill not dive too
dee)ly into that( :o$ever # $ould li%e to share this e/cer)t as # thin% it is relevant( B
,e4re entering a time in which our ages5old habit of thin-ing in dualistic and di)isi)e categories needs
to be dissol)ed into a new way of seeing. !n this age, we will be called to e)ol)e beyond tribal, us5and5
them identities. ,e need to come home to a human identity that transcends these di)isions.
As long as you ha)e dualistic thin-ing, as long as you ha)e polari6ation, you will ha)e battles for
dominance and the threat of defeat. *ut in the merging and harmoni6ing of seeming opposites, we ha)e
the potential to transcend polari6ation and dissol)e the fear and endless battling that it causes.
# believe that this is also i')ortant to re'e'ber $hen considerin the di**erences bet$een ,ood and
bad .ud'ent- &ud'ent( is not blac% and $hite( #t is not de*ined by t$o )olar o))osites( "he
de*initions chane over ti'e, de)endin on the )oints o* re*erence that $e have to )rocess $ith(
As $e are all )art o* a reat $eb, $e are all connected and our actions Do a**ect the $orld around us(
:o$ever, $e have to ta%e res)onsibility *or ourselves *irst( We 'ust be %ind, and nurture ourselves( Do
not *all )rey to the tra) o* .ud'ents( #t is a tric%y line( 2i%e a tihtro)e $al%er, $e 'ust be 'ind*ul o*
the teeterin balance, and avoid )olari9ation( 2ovin ourselves 'ust include *oriveness(