Learning Objective

To examine models of excellent open letters

in order to identify what you have to do
to write excellent letters that argue and persuade.
The Examples of Excellence
Why should I bother showing you them? Why cant we
just write the essay?
The Examples of Excellence
Something to base standards on
What you are aiming for
What does excellent actually look like?
Gain a shared understanding and help each other see
what excellent is

NOT TO COPY BUT TO LEARN WHAT MAKES EXCELLENCE
SO YOU CAN MAKE SOMETHING UNIQUE OF YOUR OWN.

Real-world excellence
Student excellence

Stephen Frys Open Letter to the Prime
Minister and the IOC, persuading them to
boycott the Winter Olympics in Russia.
Instructional Critique
1. Models of Excellence.

10 minutes, silent study

Read Stephen Frys Open Letter, an excellent model of writing
to argue and persuade

Identify what impresses you most about it and what makes it
such an excellent piece of work.

Identify what you think could be done to improve it.


Instructional Critique
1. Models of Excellence.

Share observations with those on your table

As a group, decide on 6 aspects that you admire and 3
recommendations for improving it.


Instructional Critique
1. Models of Excellence.

Whole-class feedback

The aim of this discussion is to:
Identify attributes for excellent work.
Label these attributes: by naming them, understand them
Gain a set of strategies to improve existing work

AB to collate ideas and include them into formal markscheme


Moments of Excellence 4E1
Historical Reference links Russias actions to Nazi Germany manipulating emotional reaction
taking advantage of our shock
Bold, risky assertion high risk attention grabbing sacrificial
Truth presentation of facts
the stain of the 5 rings powerful metaphor, powerful imagery of dirtiness
Use of personal experience personal pronoun linking to own experience I am gay. I am a Jew.
Intensifies emotion; intensifies believability
Use of us pronoun brings audience together with him
Colloquial, informal creates a bond
Use of examples all the facts position of intellectual strength builds reputation
please act on that instinct now 1)imperative = order; 2) politeness wins the day; 3) instinct
language with rich connotations of natural insight
Use of quote (Edmund Burke) use of experts
Use of rhetorical questions engages audience
Emotive language
Rule of three
Single line/short paragraphs intensifies urgency
Writing to argue empathises with opposite view and then destroys it
Change in tone goes from warning to pleading to authoritative

Moments of Excellence
my mother lost over a dozen of her family to Hitlers anti-semitism emotional language
Sophisticated vocabulary
Using quotations from other people
Using facts using information that is definitely true (rule 4)
He refers to himself (I am gay. I am a jew) using opinions
Uses historical examples and comparisons
Uses imagery (words that create powerful pictures, like stain)
Ordering another assertion (say something strongly)
Rhetorical questions
Pronouns the use of I, we, you
Tone changes, from angry to polite
Words with powerful connotations (dogfood has connotations of disgust)
Emotional language (shocking and sickening)
Short sentences
Rule of 3 (circuses, ranches, internet)
Uses examples to support their ideas
Uses numbers and statistics (%) precisely




Moments of Excellence
Use of examples (link and comparison to Hitler) creates a bigger
sense of horror
References evidence and facts to show the Olympics true purpose
(rules)
Lots of emotion using powerful images (of destruction)
Directly talks to the addressee (forces communication with
Cameron)
Using symbolism (5 rings) and imagery (stain)
Repetition (of words or ideas) to emphasise ideas
Uses truth to convince
Short sentences for simplicity and fact (I am gay. I am a jew)
Questioning
Contrast for effect
Emotive language (teenagers not adults)



Assessment Criteria: Hit list
1. Exciting content, exploring different angles
a. Use of examples (link and comparison to Hitler) creates a bigger sense of horror
2. Appropriate Argue/Persuade structure
3. Introduction grabs the attention of the reader, ideally linked in the
conclusion
4. Effective rhetorical devices used throughout
a. References evidence and facts to show the Olympics true purpose (rules)
b. Using symbolism (5 rings) and imagery (stain)
c. Repetition (of words or ideas) to emphasise ideas
d. Questions engage the reader
e. Contrast for effect
f. Emotive language (teenagers not adults)

5. Varied sentence structures
a. Short sentences for simplicity and fact (I am gay. I am a jew)
6. Topic sentences and discourse markers used
7. Paragraphs logically structured and originally manipulated (eg, one
sentence/one word paragraphs)

8. Sophisticated punctuation
9. Rich vocabulary, correctly spelled
a. Lots of emotion using powerful images (of destruction)
10. Grammatically accurate
11. Tone and formality appropriate to task
a. Directly talks to the addressee (forces communication with Cameron)




W1





W2
W3

W3
W4
W5
TASK
We have read Stephen Frys real-life example of excellence of
Writing to Argue and Persuade.

We have compiled a whole-group criteria for excellence, and linked
this to the formal markscheme.

You will now read a student example of excellence of Writing to
Argue and Persuade: Jacob Sowter wrote an open letter to Ban Ki
Moon, the Secretary-General of the United Nations, arguing that
zoos should be abolished. He achieved full marks in his formal
assessment for this piece of work.

Your task is to use the criteria of excellence we have written to
identify, highlight and label all examples of excellence that you can
find in his piece.
Instructional Critique
1. Models of Excellence.

10 minutes, silent study

Read Jacob Sowters Open Letter, an excellent model of
writing to argue and persuade

Identify what impresses you most about it and what makes it
such an excellent piece of work.

Identify what you think could be done to improve it.


Instructional Critique
1. Models of Excellence.

Share observations with those on your table

As a group, decide on 3 aspects that you admire and 1
recommendations for improving it.


Instructional Critique
1. Models of Excellence.

Whole-class feedback, following the rules of critique.

The aim of this discussion is to:
Improve your understanding of the attributes of excellent work by
being able to identify
Memorise these better by labelling these attributes
Put forward your own ideas about how you could improve this
excellent work in so doing proving your excellent understanding
of what makes quality work


Moments of Excellence 4E1
(Zoos)

Moments of Excellence 4E1
(Zoos)
Reference to experts (www.howstuffworks.com)
Rhetorical questions would anyone enjoy that?
Statistics defined numerical facts
Imagery metaphor motif (prisons, cells) semantic field
Writing to argue sympathises with other pov then destroys
them through simple one word para. (Wrong!)
Evidence and examples
Emotive language
Tribute Work (HO)
You have now seen:

Examples of the open letter form
Real life models of excellence (Stephen Fry)
Student models of excellence (Jacob Sowter)

Your task is to now write a tribute piece, to practise what you
have learned.

Tribute work is the work of a student who has build off of,
borrowed ideas from, or imitated the work of a particular
person or (former/current) student. Why is this not cheating?
Why is this not copying or cheating?
Copying the style of masters is an excellent way of learning
its a good place to begin.
You have read at least 3 different models of excellence: there
is no single correct response to an assignment
Tribute Work
Your tribute piece is a practice for your formal essay. I would like you to:

formulate a title (that you may or may not consider working on for your final assessment).
An Open Letter to (addressee), (purpose: use an ing verb)

Plan around the title, using a spiderdiagram, gathering different reasons to persuade the
reader of your opinion.

Then select your best one (youll probably choose three for your proper assessment) which
will be the focus of your first paragraph.

Draft the introduction, which sets out what you are arguing and grabs the readers
attention. Re-read Frys and Sowters introductions to see how they both use language for
effect.

Then, draft the 1
st
paragraph. Again, keep looking at the models of excellence.

Reread both paragraphs, and compare them to (a) your tick sheet of characteristics of open
letters, and (b) the criteria for excellence. Check through and make any changes in order to
make the work of high quality. What can you change to make it even better?